20th october 2020
day 13 of @myhoneststudyblr’s studyblr community challenge!
do you have an ‘aesthetic’? if yes, what is it?
personally, i think that i have a little bit of all the different types of 'aesthetic’ genre LOL. it really just depends on my mood and what i like to convey for that day, since i’m just way too indecisive to pick one for the rest of my life.
what kind of ~feeling~ you are?
being outside at night when everyone is asleep -
you are and always have been “the
quiet kid”. you have a calm and deep energy surrounding you that feels
odd to some. to them, you are almost unnaturally calm. you are often
lost in thought and daydreaming about anything and everything. you seem
like you are fiercely independent and free, but you are actually a lot
softer and warmer than people expect. you pay attention to your dreams
and you are very in tune with your spiritual side. you most likely had a
big glow up and now people are very intimidated by you. you are
probably unaware of it but people notice you quite a lot, you’re just
not used to it. you can read people really well because you have spent
most of your life watching and perceiving.
So, uh, a lot has happened since my last post… No, seriously. Let’s start off with this new course because I was not expecting that the content was this heavy. It kind of took me by surprise. Thankfully, I’m not behind on anything (yet). I would be lying if I say that it hasn’t been stressful to keep it that way. It’s taking me a lot of time to go through just one lecture (maybe like 4-6 hours depending on how dense it is). However, the method I’ve been trying now has been working well as the content is still fresh in my head. I’m still trying to work as efficiently as I can, but sometimes you just have to bury your face in a book for a few hours when you don’t understand something 😭 . Okay, on to the main point.
On top of my studies, I’m still recovering from a depressive episode. Whenever I get depressed, I tend to work myself to the ground because I see schoolwork as an escape from my thoughts.
Does it benefit me academically? Sure.
Is it healthy? Hell no.
I remember my post in January that said: “Who do you want to be?”. I said I wanted someone who overcame, so I went through my list of goals and checked out the ones that I achieved.
Okay on a more serious note: even if this year has 3 months left, it’s not too late to turn things around. I’ve decided to prioritise on working on myself in different aspects. Spiritually, mentally, emotionally, academically, and all the other words ending in -ally. These last 2 weeks or so has been a series of me just signing up to things (if it fits into my schedule of course haha). Doing this was not easy because anxious Dan has just been yelling doubts into my ear. And I had to ignore all that and tell it to shut up 🤗. This also means, no more relying on unhealthy coping mechanisms. AAAAAAAA. Soooo, yeah let me end it there.
21.10.2020 | Day ¾ of 75
This productivity challenge motivates me to complete the goals I have set. But still I could not complete all. I did most important ones though, so I am happy.
Yesterday I printed the korean material that our teacher provided, it helped me keep up with the online class.
Today I completed everything. I am hoping that I will be able to finish this challenge.