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pinkpsd · 11 months

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My Very Soul (Chapter 32)

Anakin Skywalker x Jedi!Reader

Link to Chapter 31

Warnings: grief, mentions of death, some dissociative symptoms etc. thank you everyone for indulging me in some of my mystical bullshit, which is my favorite thing ever haha

Summary: You are rescued, but not without consequences

Word Count: 2k

You didn't know where you were. You didn't know what you were—you couldn't feel any sense of self, anything embodied. You floated between sensations. You were the rustling of a creek, the sound of a whisper, a hand held up to the cover a mouth; you were a sleeping beast, some alien shape, its breathing loud and heavy; you were a seed floating down to its new resting place; you were the darkest parts of a deep ocean, a sea floor mouth sucking in; you were the creatures traveling through deep space, somewhere far away. Except they weren't far away—you weren't anywhere. You were everywhere at once.

You couldn't remember yourself, what shape you were supposed to take. You were the pleasant breeze in a warm place, and suddenly you remembered what it felt like to breathe. You were a breath. You felt the darkness hiding inside the minds of those too far gone, felt it in the shadows beneath a dead tree, and shuddered in fear. You remembered fear. You felt the dark side and the light in a continuous tug of war, each fighting to overthrow their own delicate balance. You were the Force.

It was then that you heard a voice. Emotion filled you, and you realized that somewhere, somehow, you were able to be filled. You remembered that you had once had a body. You heard the voice again, and you felt yourself shrinking. You knew that voice. You wanted to get to that voice.

"Y/N!" the voice was agonized, and you pulled against the boundaries of your presence, trying to bring yourself closer to the voice.

"Y/N!" the voice continued, pleading. "Y/N, please wake up, please look at me. Can you hear me, Y/N?" You felt the voice's sadness and you remembered sadness.

"Obi-Wan, what's wrong with her? Look at her eyes! What—"

"She's breathing steadily," a different voice responded, and you found you remembered this voice too. "And she doesn't seem to have any major wounds." You felt this other voice's pain, so understated, so controlled compared to the pain of the voice you remembered now to be the most important voice in the universe. You struggled within yourself. Who were you? Where were you? Were you dead? You remembered death.

"Y/N," that most important voice asked, gently, in supplication. "Y/N, can you hear me? It's going to be okay, we're here, we've got you." You found you could feel this voice's body, feel the sweat dripping from the forehead, feel the energy as it changed forms. The body expended energy in a swift motion, and you felt the hum of a long blade of light. You felt, somewhere, shackles being broken, felt their entropy as they fell to the ground.

"Anakin..." the second voice said, in a tone that sounded appalled. You felt this voice's energy, too, felt the inertia as the leg moved and kicked something on the ground, something hard. "It looks like someone's been tortured."

You felt yourself withdraw at the word, felt a heaviness descend over you that you associated with the memory of having a body. You were no longer floating. You tried hard to feel yourself, your arms, your lips, because you remembered now that you had arms, had a voice, too.

"Y/N," the beautiful voice sobbed, "Y/N, please wake up, please come back to me."

"What's that she's whispering?" the second voice asked, and you felt in the Force the voice's dread, anxiety, terror. These emotions descended on you, and you began to remember yourself.

"It sounds like, "Master"..." the wonderful voice responded, anguish ripping through the Force in his presence. You wanted to call out to him, to locate him in this fog. You tried to use your voice, but you couldn't find it.

"Yuma..." the second voice spoke, barely more than a whisper. The voice sounded farther away from you now. You felt the energy expenditure it took this presence to reach down, grab something, something light. Something empty.

"What?" Anakin asked, and as his name broke through your fog, you struggled against the heavy feeling, trying to find him.

"I can feel it...Yuma...she's...gone," Obi-Wan's voice choked. The memory came back to you swiftly, excruciatingly, and as it did, you descended further into the deep darkness, losing your feeling, losing all sensation and thought.

You were in some deep abyss, somewhere, if somewhere existed. You were both floating in it, pressed in by it, and somehow, you were the abyss, the pressure. You felt the sense of beginnings and endings, continuously existing side by side.

"Y/N," you heard the voice say again, and you remembered again the importance of find him. You felt leaden, but you worked to push through your memories, push through to find your body.

It seemed like some time had passed. The energetic impressions had changed—there were lots of voices, a hum of anxious presences. This jogged your memory. You felt great disturbances in the Force, heard the sound of booms and blasts. The disturbances caused you to fear. Where was he? Was he okay?

Ani you thought firmly. Ani. This thought repeated, and it encouraged you. Suddenly, you felt your arms, your legs, felt your head as someone was cradling it. You felt hands touch your face lightly.

"Y/N?! I'm here, little flea, I'm here." The voice said hurriedly, amidst the sound of more booms. You felt the rush of air as a pair of lips met your ear. "I love you," Anakin's voice breathed, in barely a whisper, right next to your temple. "Come back to me."

Anakin was dazed. His head stormed, his heart beating heavily in his chest. He couldn't believe it—it didn't seem possible.

Yuma. She's gone, Obi-Wan had said. The words repeated over and over again in Anakin's mind as he hurried toward the command center. A blast from the separatist advance caused Anakin to stumble, but he kept his balance, hurrying after Obi-Wan and carrying you in his arms.

There was no time to get you, even, to a medical base. No time to try to follow your absent attacker, or attackers, wherever they might be by now. Anakin had argued with Obi-Wan, trying to convince his former Master to let him pursue them, but in the end, Obi-Wan's reasoning had won out. Anakin wasn't about to leave you—not in this condition. The front at the Guild headquarters was crumbling, the battalions of clones unable to hold the line against new separatist platoons that had recently landed, heavily armed. The headquarters shook again under Anakin's feet.

Anakin hastened after Obi-Wan, looking down at you, trying to gauge if he could see any improvement. You looked much the same—your eyes were white, clouded over, their normal color obscured by a foggy, milky film. You moved your irises back and forth, but what you were seeing, Anakin didn't know. You occasionally whispered things—Master, over and over again, when he had found you, and now, nonsense, nothing in any tongue Anakin had ever heard. You wouldn't respond to him, didn't seem to know that he was there. The sight of you, imprisoned within yourself, like this, made Anakin's entire body go cold.

The Guild shook again in response to another blast as Anakin and Obi-Wan rushed into the crumbling command center.

"We need to get her off-world," Anakin barked at Rex, his Captain immediately springing into action at his side. "Once we've transported her to a medical base, we can—"

"It's too late for that," Cody interrupted, joining Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Rex as the headquarters shook on their foundations. "The front is hopeless. We need to order an immediate evacuation."

"What is our status?" Obi-Wan asked quickly, looking, with Cody, at the chrono on the clone's armor that showed the number of troops subsumed by the battle.

"If we lose the Guild headquarters," Rex began, evidencing his unwillingness to give up on a fight, like his General. "We lose the Perlemian route. We can't back down from this fight." Anakin would have smiled at Rex's battle-readiness, had the situation been different. Instead he scowled further, gripping your immobile figure more tightly.

"What happened?" Marlo asked, looking shocked at your motionless body in Anakin's arms. The building shook again, rubble falling from the ceiling.

"It will take some time to discover that," Obi-Wan responded quickly, looking back at you with worry before facing Marlo head on. "I agree with Cody. An immediate evacuation of our remaining troops is top priority. The front is theirs."

"Yuma?" Marlo asked, breaking protocol by calling his General by her first name. Anakin swallowed, hard, his head feeling heavy.

"Lost," Obi-Wan uttered softly, turning his face away from the group to hide his reaction.

Anakin gripped you more firmly still, the heavy feeling in his head turning hot, turning to anger, to rage. Whoever had done this would pay, Anakin thought, this anger settling deep within him. Anakin would make sure of it. He would discover who had harmed you. Their days were numbered.

Anakin allowed the anger to wash through him, feeling the command center shake as Cody, Rex, and Marlo ordered their troops to fall back to the rendezvous point, while Obi-Wan contacted the command ship, ordering the landers to begin the evacuation. Everyone took on the tone and the demeanor of soldiers, but Anakin felt the grief beneath their focus. The daze he had felt at the news of Yuma's death had turned sour, turned to militant concentration, turned his thoughts toward the kill, toward revenge.

He looked down at you, feeling, in the view of your face, his anger fade to a small flicker, a flame that would become necessary later. Your eyes were still clouded, your mouth slightly parted. He touched your face tenderly, cradling your head with his other hand. You would be okay, he told himself. He would make sure you were okay. He would not leave your side.

"Ani," you sighed softly. Anakin jumped slightly, looking into your eyes, trying to see whether or not you might be beginning to rouse.

"Y/N?!" he asked excitedly, cradling your face closer to his. "I'm here, little flea. I'm here," he told you fervently. Anakin knew that whatever was happening to you was some great mystery of the Force, knew that he could not understand the way your mind encountered that great energy barrier. Still, there were some things of which he was sure, and that you and him were, and would always be, connected in the Force, he knew in his whole being. His love for you was more powerful than any curse, than any poison.

Anakin glanced up at his former Master and the other clones that still littered the command center. No one was looking his way, except for Rex, who, when meeting Anakin's eye, very plainly and intentionally turned away. Anakin pulled your form closer so that he could whisper in your ear.

"I love you," he told you fervently, trying to infuse a power into his words, breathing the living Force into his lungs. He looked at your face, cradled in his hands. "Come back to me."

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hopefully some of this makes up for the previous chapter. let me know if you want to be tagged when I post a new one!! if you care about this story I 🖤 you

I also 🖤 purgils

divider credit to @racingairplanes

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