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poemsiwriteforyou · 2 years
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I wanted to be a mom.
I wanted it.
I dreamed about it.
It's not going to happen.
I can't safely carry a baby. So I'm sorry. I'm sorry that it sometimes hurts when I see you with your kids. I'm sorry it hurts me when you say things like "Ever since I became a mom" or "Now that I'm a mom" or saying something like "I don't understand why you feel that way but I'm a mom" IT HURTS! Also.. I know I can adopt. I know I can use a surrogate but that's expensive.. it's a difficult process. I wanted to be a mom. I still want it.
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poemsiwriteforyou · 3 years
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I've been trying very hard to ignore your texts. I deserve better than to be talked to only on your terms. We only talk when you want to. You dont reply to me, you randomly stop the conversation and we go days, sometimes weeks without talking. I deserve better, but it's so hard to ignore you.
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poemsiwriteforyou · 4 years
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I think you can split heartbreak into two categories.
So first you have nighttime heartbreak right? You know, mascara stains on your pillow from where you pressed your face so hard to muffle the sound of your sobs racking your body and shaking the bones of your ribs. It's the kind where the tears are falling so fast you need to grasp for air but even inhaling seems to hurt. It's staring out of your window at 2:43 am at the full moon and wondering aloud what the fuck you did wrong.
It's you still up at 5:57 am and watching a combination of reds and oranges bleed into the skyline and the tears are falling again because you use to believe that your world would always rise and set with them but now they're gone.
But I think you've also have daytime heartbreak.
That's when you think you're over them and a song comes on and you're singing along and typing out a new message to tell them about this song you like before you remember they dont care anymore. It's when you drive past their favorite place and it hits you that you'll never look over into the passenger seat and see them watching the world flash by with a sort of childish amazement. It's when you have to shake off that familiar stabs in your chest because the light has turned green and the car behind you is beeping because they dont realize that the stitches you spent countless nights working on have just torn ever so slightly.
It's where every flash of brown hair and every pair of green eyes make you stop and another stitch rips. I wish I could tell you which is worse but both leave you on the floor in a pool of your own blood and your hands torn from attempting to repair the holes in your heart which now has edges as sharp as ice.
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poemsiwriteforyou · 4 years
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Do you wait for me to be happy? It seems like every time I manage even the slightest hint of a real smile, you appear out of thin air to erase it.
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poemsiwriteforyou · 4 years
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poemsiwriteforyou · 4 years
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I'm proud of you. I dont care if you didnt get out of bed all day or if you have had several break downs. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you for still fighting despite how hard it is.
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poemsiwriteforyou · 4 years
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I'm so proud of myself! Your birthday came and went and I didn't call or text you. Of course I thought about you, maybe one day I wont but I doubt it. The important thing is that I didnt reach out. It's small but it's still a victory.
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poemsiwriteforyou · 4 years
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via weheartit
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poemsiwriteforyou · 4 years
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poemsiwriteforyou · 4 years
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Sometimes I feel like your posts are to show me how much better your life is without me and sometimes I feel like your posts show how forgettable I am.
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poemsiwriteforyou · 4 years
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poemsiwriteforyou · 4 years
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Nature’s blue beast
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poemsiwriteforyou · 4 years
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Everytime I start talking to someone new I always think "how long until you hate me too", "how long until you stop replying" and I wonder what it is about me that drives people away
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poemsiwriteforyou · 4 years
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They always say "a pretty face means nothing if you have an ugly heart" but who do people go to? The attractive ones.
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poemsiwriteforyou · 4 years
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You were it. You were my forever. And I? I was nothing more than a pretty face you liked to kiss
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poemsiwriteforyou · 4 years
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I hate waking up because my dreams are always better than my reality
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poemsiwriteforyou · 4 years
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