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pridelanders · 4 years
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/3am wondering why that if they wanted to have an episode where The Lion Guard goes through some snowy mountains and helps some primates repair their home, why not just go through the gorilla territory from season 1?
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pridelanders · 4 years
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//Kids who grew up with the Lion Guard and watched it completely divorced from any of the earlier movies or decade’s worth of online fan-content, one day when you’re old enough to use computers and start thinking critically, just know that I will always be here to discuss what an interesting and confusing amalgamation of genuinely great and absolutely terrible The Lion Guard was, and will gladly welcome you with open arms
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pridelanders · 4 years
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/Trans Baliyo is completely, unequivocally canon though
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pridelanders · 4 years
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/Continually baffled by how so many people say stuff like ‘Season 3 is the best one! It’s so mature!’ or ‘Season 3 is when the Lion Guard stops being a show for toddlers and actually gets good!’ 
When 90% of the dialogue is like “I’m not evil!” “Oh no! Kion is turning evil!” “Don’t worry Kion, even if you do turn evil I’ll still be your friend”
#ooc.#//it's just so funny to me how many times they actually say the word 'evil'#//as if 'evil' is just a switch you can flip once you hit a point where you stop being good#//and not a series of bad actions done for the wrong or selfish reasons#//its literally like a child's understanding of morality#//honestly Season 3 is the MOST toddler-orientated one IMO#//cause its very straight-forward in its storytelling. like it tells you more than it shows#//'Lets help this animal! Oh no the bad animal didn't like that! Don't be evil Kion!'#//even season 1. mixed bag that it is. has at least some stories on the more mature-r side#//'your heroes might not be what you expect them to be' 'violence isn't always the answer' 'don't make assumptions' 'own up to your mistakes#//etc. The one where the old lady lioness dies is really good though that one gets a pass#//like I can extend my disbelief enough that the venom is making him irritable and lashing out more#//(I know some people can't but it's like the roar and the shoulder marks for me where I can overlook it)#//but the whole 'slipping to the dark side thing' wasn't...well done#//and also everything that Fuli does in that season shouldve and couldve been given to Bunga#//like taking charge when Kion's out of comission and being the concerned for him and challenging him when he gets out of line#//that should've been Bunga's job. but Fuli is a fan favourite so she got to do it all#//and people didn't like Bunga so he gets to be a caricature of his former self instead of getting to grow and develop#//...I'm STILL thinking about this shit#//but I think the fan response honestly makes me madder than how season 3 actually ended up
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pridelanders · 4 years
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Lion Guard & Onion headlines shitpost
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pridelanders · 4 years
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//Oh good instead of making fun of that ‘fan-written’ Season 4 Lion Guard fanseries I can talk about how funny it is that somebody ‘leaked’ the scripts up on the subreddit and is refusing to take them down unless the directors pay them $100 dollars
#ooc.#//yall its a preschool show about baby animal superheroes chill out#//but yeah I try and let people have their fun. Its not hurting anyone else. Cringe culture is dead etc etc#//...but#//it's called 'The Drama King' and no one seems to listen when I try and explain that's an extremely silly and unserious title#//like it literally sounds like its about a gay rewrite of Mean Girls....(note to self. gay rewrite of Mean Girls)#//and the 'script' that got 'leaked' is allegedly not finished but what's there is...bad#//as far as I can tell Beshte is in it but has no lines (which I could have predicted tbf)#//there's a sequence where Makini instructs Rani to pee on a flower as a pregnancy test#//the whole drama in the third act revolves around Kion and Fuli getting caught in a 'tornado' and doing that trope where it looks like ->#//->they're kissing and Rani sees it and instead of being reasonable throws a tantrum about it because women are emotional I guess#//and yes that is the only narrative function of the 'tornado'#//the Pridelands and the tree of life are like a minute's distance away#//there's a big bad evil lion villain with no personality#//who can also roar and he and Vitani have a roar-off and he kills her#//I didn't like her either but Yikes#//then Rafiki tells Kion this and his ONLY reaction is 'Woah guess I'm leader of the Lion Guard again'#//and Kopa shows up. but doesn't really have much of an impact other than 'woah we're long lost twin brothers'#//like its not explained or dwelt upon and it doesn't cause tension between them or their family#//and to be fair I've seen this plotpoint done well in other fanfics#//and then Kion painstakingly makes every member of the Night Pride and Kopa new members of the Lion Guard#//so there's like 12 of them#//I really wish we could all just let Kopa die in both sense#//like its a complete fanfiction that doesn't make it more 'resonating' or 'realistic' just because its dark#//...anyway I think I just needed to get that off my chest#//because obviously I'm not going to comment this somewhere they can see it. What am I? An asshole?
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pridelanders · 4 years
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The Lion Guard
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pridelanders · 4 years
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/If we’re honest The Lion Guard hasn’t been ‘culturally’ relevant on the internet for years but I will never shut about the fact that the crocodiles were hot
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pridelanders · 4 years
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/Minor unrelated thing underappreciated about the Lion Guard: did pretty good regarding female characters
#ooc.#//I think they understood that a lot of the early criticism was the gender ratio in the core cast#//(I still think Beshte should've been a girl and an elephant tho)#//but you can really see them make an effort to add a lot more major female characters to the main/recurring cast#//there's Jasiri. Reirei. Ma Tembo. Zuri and Tiifu. Shupavu#//more depth to Kiara#//even one-shots like Dhahabu. Kinyonga. Swala. Mpishi...all pretty great and really different from each other#//..I guess Rani and Vitani's Lion Guard if you want..#//Makini and Anga especially are my favourites. I think they're both really well written#//it would be so easy for Makini to come across as over-the-top and annoying but she never does#//she always has the right balance of comedy and sincerity and is legitimately a top-3 Lion Guard character#//on the flipside it would be easy for Anga to come across as cold and 'bitchy'#//but even though she's introverted and quiet that doesn't mean she can't care about her friends or show emotion and be excited for things#//she's like a more extreme early season-1 Fuli. Now that I think about it I wanna hear her sing 'My Own Way'#//I just wish she had been introduced early season 2#//so she could be recurring like Makini. As a result she doesn't get as much development and kind of wanes in importance#//the longer season 3 goes on (though tbh the same applies to the other guard members.#//Especially Ono. We don't even see his face in the final scene#//but anyway I really wish Makini and Anga had been Rafiki and Zazu's replacements for Kiara eventually. I used to want Ono to do that#//but he is just a mini Zazu. Anga is way more different#//a lot of people are quick to point out the show's flaws but I think it's important to realise what it did really really well
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pridelanders · 4 years
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/...Lion Guard rpc renaissance??
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pridelanders · 4 years
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/The Night Pride but what if they were objectively cooler and also tigers
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pridelanders · 4 years
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//Just saying if the Lion Guard did one of those posters like the Simpsons with every character I would absolutely buy it and hang it above my bed and just be content to never have sex ever again
#nsfw /#//like you could have Pride Rock in the centre with Kion and the rest of the Lion Guard on its peak#//then Simba Nala and Kiara a little further back. With Makini next to Rafiki and Timon and Pumbaa. Tiifu and Zuri somewhere else#//Zazu and Anga flying above. Janja Cheezi and Chungu right underneath the Lion Guard#//then every single Pridelander and other character in the foreground. The elephants to one side. Giraffes to the other etc#//A pool of water where Pua and Basi are hanging out and the dolphin character is swimming#//Makuu growling at Kiburi and his two/three cronies#//Ajabu running away from Makucha somewhere. The two gorilla princes annoying their dad#//Off to the left in the background is the tree of life and the Night Pride. In front of them all the season 3 animals#//off to the right there's the termite mounds with Zira Kovu and Nuka#//Vitani a little bit closer with her Lion Guard. Jasiri and her Clan in front of them#//Hodari and Kinyonga are on rocks close to the foreground so they're easier to see. The skinks and the scorpions on the other side#//Ushari closer to the front as well. or maybe being trampled by something somewhere#//Hadithi and Tamaa with the other birds. Reirei Goigoi and all their pups. Kenge and Kongwe#//in the sky you would of course have Mufasa and Janna's giant floating head. Underneath Janna would be Rani's parents#//underneath Mufasa you'd have ghosts of Scar's Lion Guard and a fiery Scar underneath them. The Strange Lion skulking about somewhere#//man I loved this show
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pridelanders · 4 years
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//Imagine you’re a voice actor. You’ve been in the business since the 60′s and you have a somewhat prolific career. Although you were not in the original production, you are involved with several Lion King spinoffs in the 90′s and early 2000′s. You’re even the voice of the main character in many of these: you are Simba in several tie-in games, the tv show, a beloved series of games in which the Lion King has it’s own level, you are even the singing voice of Simba in the sequel.
2014 rolls around. After a decade of stagnation, The Lion King franchise is being revitalized by a hip new TV show for a younger audience. ‘Oh boy,’ you think, ‘They want me to be in this thing! My years of service as the titular Lion King are being recognised! I can’t wait to fully voice Simba again, and for the first time in a main-stream media context! I can’t wait to be the guiding presence and authority figure for the main character and entire generations of children!”
Then you phone in and they cast you as this:
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pridelanders · 4 years
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//Just as an FYI at some point in the future I’m probably gonna revamp this blog into a collection of TLK OCs. With The Lion Guard over (and ending the way that it did...) there’s really no inspiration to come back to the majority of these characters, as much as I love them
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pridelanders · 4 years
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//Also Big L for Beshte that his only romantic prospect is confined to the ocean like its Hans Christen Anderson’s Little Mermaid or something
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pridelanders · 4 years
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//Thinking about....the direction I would’ve taken season 3 in as opposed to what we got
#ooc.#//obviously I hate the ending and all so we wont get into that#//but if you're going to ship the characters off to Asia...why not just have the Night Pride be tigers?#//visually its more interest. It makes more sense with the 'night' thing. It makes more sense with the 'Night' idea#//Janna could be a white tiger. It would circle back to Kion's whole interspecies-acceptance thing#//bold them to pull the 'Sisi ni Sawa' callback with Kion and Rani when thematically it doesn't even make sense because duh they're both#//lions. That message only works on that level with two different species#//also I think the villainous team is hilariously weak. Even more so than usual#//the majority of the time when they fight its like 3 against 9#//If you wanna keep Makucha Chuluun Ora and Mama fine#//but I would add a Himalayan Brown Bear. a Wolf. an evil Orangutan. and maybe an eagle-owl??#//maybe give the wolf two henchmen so its evened-out#//so when they call for reinforcements its even more of an 'oh fuck' because there's a wolf pack and maybe some gibbons working for the oran#//the bear could come in for the 'Poa the Destroyer' episode where the bad guys realise they're outnumbered and look for a stronger ally#//they find the bear hibernating and wake him up and ask him to help. maybe he wasn't let in the tree of life because he eats too much or we#//so he starts terrorising the animals but Beshte keeps getting the blame because the dumb penguin saw him knock over some other stuff#//so Beshte goes away feeling guilty and without him the LG/NP get their asses whooped by the bear#//so he has to burst in to save them and they have a big climactic wrestle#//the eagle owl could be an enemy for Anga. Give her a little more to do. Maybe it tries to eat Makini or something#//then maybe the orangutan can be Makini's enemy. It's a King Louie vibe where he has a little army of gibbon followers#//and they kidnap Makini and they tell her it's because they thought the Lion Guard had stolen her#//but really the orangutan wants the stuff or the Mjuzi knowledge or something. Then Makini realises the apes are just bullying -#//the other animals in the jungle and won't let the Guard come get her. So she learns that being nice works to a point but you have to ->#//>realise when you're being taken advantage of#//idk about the wolves. Maybe they can be Bunga/Fuli-centric enemies#//Bunga had a lot of centric enemies this season though. Both Chuluun and Mama having grudges against him specifically was a bit much#//maybe the wolves are bothering Azaad and that's why he doesn't want to take her to the plant thing#//also is it just me or does Azaad seem WAY too old for Fuli? Like he reads like an older man#//also I would redesign Bunga. Taller and skinnier. Maybe walks on all fours more often
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pridelanders · 4 years
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The Lion Guard: *does the ‘selfish character learns to put the needs of others before their own self-interest* plot three separate times
Me, every time:
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