it's just fiction

20+ years old, nonbinary, ex-anti now proshipper, can't believe people really think fiction and real life is the same thing

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We looked inside some of the posts by problematic-butnothateful and here's what we found interesting.

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*ships unproblematic pairing but in au that makes it problematic as fuck*

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Really weird how people seem to think that there is a HUGE difference between enjoying things sexually and enjoying it in any other way. Like ppl always emphasize how getting off to non-con isnt the same as playing violent video games because “murder is portrayed as bad!” Uhhh no I regret to inform you that when I murder people in video games i very much enjoy it and the game usually rewards me for it. Why is that enjoyment completely different from sexual enjoyment?

I’ve seen some ppl try to pass off pseudoscience about how our brains release dopamine during orgasm and that trains your brain to like it and seek it more which will ~eventually~ lead to you wanting it in real life when fiction is no longer enough. I’ve been looking at non-con shit for over two years and interestingly enough I still know that rape is bad and I don’t have any “trained” responses when I hear real ppl talking about real sexual violence because wow fiction and reality are different!

The insistence that sexuality is inherently more impure and corrupting than other interests is just puritan bullshit, that’s all it is. Orgasming to problematic fiction isnt going to make someone like it in real life anymore than the adrenaline spike of murdering my father in a video game is to make me want to commit patricide

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“writing porn as a teen is how i got into the position of being groomed so if you do that as a kid you’re basically setting yourself up for csa” hey how about you think a tiny bit and realize this is. victim blaming. yourself and others. you did not get groomed because bad fic. kids don’t get groomed and abused because of their own behaviours. it is never your fault for being abused. and saying this shit is horrifically harmful to yourself and to others, because you’re playing right into “x get abused bc they engage in y behaviours aka its avoidable and kind of their fault” fuck you, kids get abused because of predators. they get abused because they have little agency and ways to get help or even be believed. because they aren’t taught signs of grooming and when the grooming begins are then guilted into taking the blame. because we live in a horrific capitalist society where children have no power or agency and if they talk about it and try to get help either they are disbelieved or they are treated like it was their fault and they were tainted. and maybe that’s how you rationalise your own abuse, and im sorry that you were failed so horribly. but fuck you FUCK YOU for playing right into that system and telling abused children that it’s their behaviour that made them targets. fuck you.

also… engaging in sexual fantasy is a normal and healthy part of going through puberty, let’s not start to pathologize it and turn it into a “setting yourself up for csa” thing in fandom spaces. conservative and sex-negative forces in the world have already pushed that mindset heavily in the wider world (victim-blaming children who were raped and assaulted because they masturbated, asked questions about sex, were found reading smut, etc, is extremely common). young teens already are predisposed to thinking that any normal expression of sexuality, including private ones, are unhealthy and will even cause them to get assaulted (or that if they are assaulted, it will be their fault).

for a long time, many young teens have turned to fandom as one of the only spaces that kind of message isn’t pushed and normal pubescent sexuality isn’t pathologized. please, let’s not make fandom another one of these sex-negative spaces. doing that does much more harm to children than it does good. you don’t have to think teens publicly posting smutfic is a good thing, but please don’t pathologize them for wanting to do it or for having those thoughts/desires in the first place, please admit it’s normal, healthy, and something they should only share with peers.

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problematic-butnothateful·10 days agoAnswer

Hi there! Um- sorry, this is a little bit silly but, I've been having a hard time recently and you're one of the blogs I find a lot of comfort in! Could I maybe get some encouragement? (Ahdjshs feel free to ignore this, i know it's pretty off topic-)

hi, i’m glad my blog can make you feel good! and don’t worry, you are not being silly. i hope whatever you’re going through will solve soon, i’m sure you can get through it anon. i wish you the best of luck and i’m sending you a virtual hug

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problematic-butnothateful·11 days agoAnswer

Hi gang, hope y’all are havin a good time! Anyway I’ve got an idea for a spicy meme, so would it be ok if y’all/anyone in the notes can list some common “irredeemable media”?

Steven Universe 

Killing Stalking

Detroit: Become Human

Captive Prince (sometimes, plenty of antis don’t even know what that is)

Camp Camp



Hazbin Hotel

Harry Potter


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problematic-butnothateful·13 days agoText

gotta love when antis have “bigots don’t interact” in their dni because by that logic they shouldn’t be interacting with themselves

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problematic-butnothateful·13 days agoAnswer

Currently looking up fic writing tips, and the amount of people saying "write what you want, even if some people won't like it", and, "don't feel the need to shy away from problematic things," and, "don't let anyone guilt you into writing for their wants" is giving me SO MUCH SEROTONIN

hell yeah write whatever the hell you feel like, go wild

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problematic-butnothateful·14 days agoAnswer

Hi. Idk how to refer to myself but I'm back again. I feel like the people who are most popular are all antis, meaning that people gravitate towards those kinda of people willingly. If the majority follows them, then maybe it's actually wrong to be pro ship. I don't want it to be wrong, but it just feels like I'm surrounded. Why are there so many? And why are they popular? Are they right after all? You said they're not, but then, why are they everywhere I go?

i can’t say that all or even most are like this, but i know a lot of people are just afraid of the inevitable harassment they would receive from denouncing the fancop mindset

im not great with words so im going to tag some people who can articulate better than i can:

@antis-delete-your-blogs-pls-thx @heroes-never-discourse @androgynousblackbox @shipping-isnt-morality @discoursecatharsis

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problematic-butnothateful·14 days agoAnswer

but morally wrong stuff IS bad! why the fuck do you think it should EVER be displayed or shown as anything other than bad?????

Because it can be interesting. Some people prefer their fiction to be a bit spicier than a 100k all fluff comfort fic u know

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problematic-butnothateful·15 days agoText











Hey so “all men are trash” posts help terfs

I’ll explain if one of you want

Know what fuck it explaining as soon as I get off mobile this is important and I’m pissed and I need you people to hear it

so i’m trans

and i have been spoon feed this shit for years

There are more, but you get the idea.

If you’ve been on this website, or any website really, you’ll know just how much of everywhere this is. You can not escape it. Men are Trash and Pigs and all that good stuff. 

Recently, I found “Where’d you go?” a comic by Jason Porath, the man behind the Rejected Princesses book about a nightmare he’s been having since 2016 that seems, at least a little, connected to the “All men are trash” thing. Reading this kind of made me realize something about myself; all these All men are trash posts have given me internalized transphobia. I Actively hate myself for not being cis. For giving up womanhood to join the side of evil. And it’s not like i hate any other trans people, yall are great, it’s just me, and it’s my first time really realizing what internalized transphobia feels like or means.

What makes it worse is this is something TERFs what. For those (lucky) few who have avoided TERFs, they are Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists.   They hate Trans Men for betraying woman by becoming part of the problem and they hate Trans Woman for being Men “pretending” to be woman to hurt them. They’re the kind of people making all the “If we let trans woman use the right bathroom they’ll assault cis woman!!!” stuff. Trashy people who think trashy things that only hurt people.

But they made me have their ideology. 

So, how many people in the above screenshots are TERFs or Radfem? 3. And those are only the ones who say it on their blogs. 3 out of 5 of the screenshots are from TREFs or Redfem and these are just the first few post i saw when I searched up “All Men are Trash.”

This shit is everywhere

I feel awful

I hate myself

They won

I hope you all are happy

a bonus:

note is in response to this 

Listen. Please share this. There are already trans guys in the notes saying this is important. Listen to us.

Hate to make a long post longer but here are some important takes from the notes

I have a friend who is constantly racked with guilt about being attracted to women since he started transitioning because posts like this have taught him that men’s attention to women is always predatory. I have friends who are cis dudes who feel the same way. I have a transfemme friend who constantly questions whether they are actually just fetishizing women because being “socialized male” means they can never unlearn the predatory nature of their AGAB.

This sort of thinking also trains straight and bi women to expect to get treated like shit by their partners instead of believing that men are compassionate, kind, generous people who should be expected to treat their partners well.

And, not to get all “what about cis people” on this but there are young teen boys on this blogging platform who are learning that they are “trash” simply for looking at or being attracted to women and there are adult men on this platform who are  trying to turn themselves inside out to try to “make up” for their maleness and framing men as terrible, unsafe, selfish, bad people is the exact kind of gender essentialist bullshit that says all women are compassionate and good communicators and naturally maternal caregivers.

It’s crap! It’s garbage!

You can write off all cops as bad because they all looked at an abusive, corrupt system and went “I want to be a part of that.”

If you write off “men,” the type category, fifty fucking percentish of the goddamned species, as trash you’re looking at a little boy or a black father or an autistic teen or a gay pensioner or even just a totally run of the mill cis straight white dude and saying “you were born wrong.”

And you know what, for fucking YEARS I’ve been saying “feminism benefits men too” and “feminism helps everyone” and there has been this loud minority of utter fucking assholes saying that men are trash and there’s no such thing as misandry and I’ve been trying to say “yeah, okay, those people are assholes but they’re not really a huge part of the movement” and but now it seems like their shitty ideas about purity culture have crossed over to the mainstream and their shitty sex negativity has crossed over to the mainstream, and radical feminism in general and TERFs in particular are brimming with misandry that is an exact fucking mirror to the misogyny of blackpilled incels and we are very calmly letting it infect our discourse and discredit our philosophy.

ALSO all of this bullshit broadcasts and spreads the idea that women must always be protected from men (which is exactly how JK Rowling justifies her transmisogyny) which does NOTHING to accomplish the equality that feminism is nominally about.

“Men are trash” and “kill all men lol” is a memeified, gender-swapped version of Mike Fucking Pence refusing to meet with women unsupervised because they might contaminate or tempt him. 

And it *also* paves over the shitty, rapey, abusive, power imbalanced, oppressive things that women do. “If men are trash and women aren’t then clearly the abuse or sexual assault I’m suffering from my female partner must be *different* in some way because she’s not harming me through patriarchy or oppression.”

The idea that men are evil and dangerous was something I internalized deeply very early. It took me years to recognize my dysphoria, because I thought that hating yourself for being born male was normal and logical. To this day I exhaust myself trying to take up as little space as possible, to make sure I’m not threatening anyone. It’s fucking awful.

Just seeing the way people treat men has me terrified of what it will be like when I can finally pass. 

Life saving tip for trans men: If you have a friend that says this shit, but they’re also like “oh but you’re okay”, do not fucking trust that.

You can translate it as “I will never see you nor treat you like a man” or “You get spared because you aren’t there yet” depending on the circumstance.

Best just to leave them behind. Which is hard, I know, because friends are hard to come by these days, but it’s for your own good.

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problematic-butnothateful·16 days agoText



“When you look at problematic porn, you’re slowly training your brain to respond to that stimulus. If you only look at healthy sex and relationships, you can retrain your brain to respond to those naturally instead.”

Whatever you say, pastor

For each terf that interacts with this post I’m gonna nut to more bdsm

bold of terfs to assume i had to “train” my brain to respond to it and not looked at it once and nutted in .03 seconds

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problematic-butnothateful·18 days agoText

imagine trying to explain to someone off tumblr the concept of “unredeemable media” and then that people use it to refer to like homestuck

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problematic-butnothateful·20 days agoAnswer

Just anti things: "You say you're 26, but in this post you made a year ago, you said you were 25. Were you lying then or are you lying now?"

aging is a conspiracy invented by pedophiles

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problematic-butnothateful·20 days agoText

broke: seeing trans content that you don’t like, doesn’t align with your trans experience/common trans narratives, and/or makes you feel dysphoric, and immediately assuming that whoever made that content is cis and transphobic

woke: recognizing that being trans is an extremely varied experience and everyone has a different relationship with their gender, body, presentation, and with language and society as a whole, and content that you don’t personally like may be extremely validating to the trans creator who made it and other trans people who engage with it

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problematic-butnothateful·21 days agoText



habits to pick up if you’ve enjoyed your tumblr chaos revival experience:

  • reblog more stuff!!
  • appreciate imperfect things
  • focus on enjoying yourself
  • prioritize compassion
  • complete your anger
  • make yourself laugh
  • create things that fail
  • tell people if you like what they made
  • distance yourself from things that hurt you

what made this site what it was 2010-15 was sharing. it was enjoying something and sharing your joy with others who appreciated it, and added to it! acknowledge the flaws of the past as we move forward, but the fresh energy on this site tonight is something you don’t have to lose

a reply from user nighttyger reading "hey OP what do you mean by complete your anger?"

@nighttyger it means to let yourself experience anger, but not to live in it. there are many, many things that deserve being angry about in the world, but it’s just as important to take time for the things that make you happy

experience anger, process it, and set it aside when you’ve emptied your emotional reservoir. anger has a purpose: let it serve you, then rest.

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problematic-butnothateful·21 days agoText


You actually enable predators in fandom if you are constantly lying about people being pedophiles or call ships with ADULT Characters CP or pedophilia. You have normalized pedophilia being seen as a joke so people will not take real accusations of real predators as seriously as they should.

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problematic-butnothateful·22 days agoText

almost every time i read an anti post lately i just think in their past life op had to be a 14th century peasant who thought witch burnings were the ultimate form of entertainment

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problematic-butnothateful·22 days agoAnswer

Ahshajdhqj i saw something on someone's post about 'fiction DOES affect reality- not on a 1:1 basis, but it's still there in romanticising!' and lo and behold i check their profile and they're 14! Now I don't mean to generalise, and I apologise to the more mature of you, if anyone of that age is seeing this, but ofc you think that! 14 y/os romanticise everything! Of course there's a chance they're gonna absorb that unhealthy/toxic relationship dynamic because they're young and influenceable, I admit. But idk how to tell them this- that so called 'nasty pedophilic/toxic/abusive/incestuous' content? It's not made for you-! If you 'internalise' any of that (and you haven't been groomed/abused/etc by someone else, because that's understandable), that's on you. If you aren't mature enough to consume problematic content and not internalise it, why is that the creator's fault? Hell, most of the 'bad stuff' is sexual in nature- so if you're under 18 then you can't say shit, bc you're not meant to see it! 'But teenagers are going to read/watch that kind of thing anyway!' Then take some damn responsibility! If you read that one violently sexual abusive adult teacher x minor student smutfic on ao3 and immediately think it's ok to have a relationship with your teacher- that's on you. If you're that easily influenced, you shouldn't be on the internet in the first place.

I know I'm not the first to say this but- it is not my job to teach you how to think for yourself.

honestly “1y/os romanticise everything!” is an excellent way to describe this. children don’t have a good set of morality and what is right or wrong yet, and so children media is usually fairly black and white. adults are assumed to have a strong sense of morality already formed, so adult media will often depict things in a very gray area. and like all things, you don’t go from child to adult in the span of one day. it’s a gradual transition. it’s why teenagers, and especially those in their early teens, are infamous for doing stupid things: if you sit down and have a good long talk with them, they’ll likely recognize when something is or isn’t dangerous/reckless/inappropriate, but if they just see it happen in front of them and it looks cool they might not already have that instinct that tells them immediately that that isn’t something to imitate

and this applies to fiction too. some teens have already developed that maturity level that lets them recognize if something is good or bad regardless of how it’s represented. others will see something not being obviously and clearly condemned and still think that then this thing must be considered good by the narrative/characters/author. it’s a learning process, which is alright. the problem is that then you have those teens who decide to apply “it’s not a phase” to all the wrong things and think that because they perceive something as romanticized now, they will always perceive that way and everyone interprets fiction like them regardless of age

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problematic-butnothateful·23 days agoText

third and last part of survey results! this part will cover results from the european respondents, with a tl;dr for people who don’t care for all the numbers and just want to know the short version. i have also put the asia/oceania/south america results in the end, but as i’ve said before, these three groups had very, very little responses, not enough to be statistically significant or make a separate post for them. i’m just putting them because i like complete descriptions and it would bother me if i didn’t, but they’re more a curiosity than anything else

[part 1][part 2]

european results

in total there were 120 respondents from europe. they were from 14 different countries, the most common of which were the uk (24.4%), germany (13.4%), italy (10.1%), finland (9.2%), poland (7.6%), and france (5.9%). the other countries all had less than 5% of results. most respondents were in general western europe, with only 11.3% east european respondents. northern europeans were more common than southern europeans, the latter being 12.6% of the total

89.1% of respondents were proshippers, 10.1% were neutral on discourse, and only 1 person considered themselves an anti. 66.4% of respondents never had anti beliefs (higher than the global average, 60.4%), 31.1% held them in the past (lower than the global average, 38.3%), and 3 people self identified as antis here (as i already explained in previous parts, this question had additional disclaimers on what i meant as anti compared to the previous). asking instead if the respondents ever held proshipper beliefs, 93.3% said they are proshippers now, and 6.7% said they held them in the past. there was no one who never considered themselves aligned with proshipper thoughts

asking whether they thought the anti movement was usamerican-centric, 70.6% said yes, significantly more than the global average of 57.4%. 22.7% of people said they didn’t know, while 6.7% said that they didn’t think it was, also higher than the global average of 4.5%, but by a smaller margin. regarding which movement was more friendly to non-usamerican people, 72.3% of people said it was the proshipper movement (slightly higher than the global average, 68%), 18.5% said they didn’t know, 8.4% said the two movements are equal in that aspect, and only 1 person said the anti movement is the more friendly one

84.9% of people said the anti movement is unfriendly to non-usamerican people, 1.7% said it isn’t, and 13.4% said they didn’t know. 40.3% of people said the proshipper movement is friendly to non-usamerican people, 14.3% said it isn’t, and 45.4% said they didn’t know

33.6% of people said they feel people from their country are more often proshippers (compared to the 5.1% of people who answered this way from north america), 32.8% said they could be either antis or proshippers (compared to the 64.5% of north american respondents), and only 4.2% said people from their country are more likely to be antis (compared to 23.3% of north american respondents). 29.4% of people instead said they never saw anyone else from their country involved in shipping discourse (only 7.2% of north americans answered this way)

out of 64 people who answered this question, 87.3% said antis are less common in non-english fandom, 1.6% said they are more common, and the remaining 11.1% said they are about as common as in english fandom. out of the 63 people who answered this question, 58.1% said proshippers are more common in non-english fandom, 14.5% said they are less common, and 27.4% said they’re about as common as in english fandom. out of the 68 people who answered this question, 83.6% said they feel discourse is in general less common in non-english fandom, 1.5% said it’s more common, and 14.9% said it’s about as common as in english fandom

tl;dr: the percentage of europeans who never aligned themselves with antis is 66.4%, compared to a global of 60.4% and a north american 58.2%. on the other hand, the percentage of europeans who held anti beliefs in the past is 31.1%, compared to a global of 38.3% and a north american 40.9%. overall, europeans are less likely than north americans of having ever held anti beliefs. 70.6% of europeans found the anti movement to be usa-centric, while only 51.9% of north americans answered this way. you also had 6.7% of people saying they don’t find it usa-centric, compared to 3% of north americans

europeans were also more likely to find the anti movement exclusive of non-usamerican people, 84.9% of people responding this way compared to 78.8% of north americans. they were also more likely to think people from their country were more often aligned with the proshipper movement (33.6% vs 5.1% of north americans), less likely to think people from their country were more often antis (4.2% vs 23.3% of north americans), but also less likely to know anyone else from their country who engaged in discourse (29.4% of europeans never saw anyone from their country in discourse, compared to 7.2% of north americans)

overall, it seems europeans (or at least, european proshippers) are less likely to have ever shared anti beliefs than north american proshippers, and more likely to find the anti movement usa-centric. popular opinion also seems to indicate europeans are somewhat more likely to be proshippers than north americans. this of course doesn’t really include the opinions of european antis, which also exist, but the survey didn’t get enough responses from them to make any kind of conclusion about their opinions

south america, asia, and oceania

as was said before, none of these three got enough respondents to be statistically significant. i’ll post the numbers relating to them, but i won’t draw any conclusions, nor can any actually be drawn given the low number of respondents

total respondents: asia - 16 respondents (most common country being indonesia (25%), followed by the philippines (18.8%), south korea, thailand and singapore (each 12.5%), hong kong, malaysia and turkey (each 6.3%)). oceania - 16 respondents (all from australia). south america - 20 respondents (most common country being brazil (50%), followed by chile and argentina (each 20%), colombia and guatemala (each 5%))

fandom position: asia - 93.8% proshippers and 6.2% neutral. oceania - 93.8% proshippers and 6.2% neutral. south america - 90% proshippers, 5% neutral, 5% antis

ever held anti views: asia - 62.5% no, 37.5% in the past. oceania - 81.3% no, 18.2% in the past. south america - 60% no, 35% in the past, 5% is an anti now

ever held proshipper views: asia - 100% is a proshipper now. oceania - 100% is a proshipper now. south america - 90% is a proshipper now, 5% in the past, 5% no

is the anti movement usa-centric: asia - 62.5% yes, 31.2% doesn’t know, 6.3% no. oceania - 68.8% yes, 18.8% doesn’t know, 12.4% no. south america - 60% yes, 35% doesn’t know, 5% no

which movement is more friendly to non-usa people: asia - 91.3% proshippers, 12.5% doesn’t know, 6.3% antis. oceania - 75% proshippers, 12.5% doesn’t know, 12.5% find the two equal. south america - 75% proshippers, 10% antis, 10% doesn’t know, 5% find the two equal

does the anti movement exclude non-usa viewpoints: asia - 81.3% yes, 18.7% doesn’t know. oceania - 81.3% yes, 18.7% doesn’t know. south america - 90% yes, 5% doesn’t know, 5% no

does the proshipper movement exclude non-usa viewpoints: asia - 62.5% no, 31.2% doesn’t know, 6.3% yes. oceania - 56.3% no, 31.3% doesn’t know, 12.4% yes. south america - 50% no, 25% doesn’t know, 25% yes

are people from your country usually antis or proshippers: asia - 37.5% a mix, 18.8% proshippers, 18.8% antis, 25% never saw anyone from their country in discourse. oceania - 37.5% a mix, 37.5% never saw anyone from their country in discourse, 18.8% proshippers, 6.2% antis. south america - 45% a mix, 30% proshippers, 25% never saw anyone from their country in discourse

are antis more or less common in non-english fandom: asia - 73.3% less common, 26.7% about equal. oceania - 66.7% less common, 33.3% about equal. south america - 78.6% less common, 21.4% about equal

are proshippers more or less common in non-english fandom: asia - 50% more common, 28.6% less common, 21.4% about equal. oceania - 66.7% more common, 33.3% about equal. south america - 50% more common, 42.9% about equal, 7.1% less common

is discourse more or less common in non-englih fandom: asia - 66.7% less common, 20% about equal, 13.3% more common. oceania - 75% less common, 25% about equal. south america - 85.7% less common, 14.3% more common

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