progeny-ex-machina

[progeny-ex-machina]

Ah, Wednesday, my least beloved.

#misc

[progeny-ex-machina]

That annoying paradox where you’re too lazy/tired to go to bed.

#personal life #misc

[progeny-ex-machina]

That’s fair, and good to hear, heh. I wasn’t vagueing you with this post or anything btw — it was inspired by a fic from a different fandom that is probably the most content written so far for one of my favorite characters, but proved a tad too dickful for me to bookmark. And I felt bad even though a) I’ve never talked to the author so what do they care and b) oh no, I didn’t bookmark something, what a horrible crime.

I also read a published book for the first time in ages yesterday and there was sex (and some other stuff) and I did the same with that, and in hindsight, it didn’t make me worry at all. It’s probably something like…I have no possibility of connecting with the creator, so nothing I do can offend them, maybe. Idk.

Being a sex-repulsed person who reads in small fandoms is a balancing act because most of the decent fic involves some level of sexytimes and I’ve basically mastered the art of skimming and picking up the story and character development while missing enough of the genitalia and bodily fluids to keep myself minimally squicked. Part of me kinda feels bad, like what I’m doing should be offensive to the authors, but I also kinda feel like it’s a compliment, because I’m so into their writing that I’m reading it even though I’m not into some of the content for reasons that aren’t their fault. And it’s not really different from, say, skipping a torture scene or something, right? I dunno. I don’t go out of my way to mention it or anything, but I have mentioned it, and I’ve never had anyone get upset over it as far as I know.

[progeny-ex-machina]

Being a sex-repulsed person who reads in small fandoms is a balancing act because most of the decent fic involves some level of sexytimes and I’ve basically mastered the art of skimming and picking up the story and character development while missing enough of the genitalia and bodily fluids to keep myself minimally squicked. Part of me kinda feels bad, like what I’m doing should be offensive to the authors, but I also kinda feel like it’s a compliment, because I’m so into their writing that I’m reading it even though I’m not into some of the content for reasons that aren’t their fault. And it’s not really different from, say, skipping a torture scene or something, right? I dunno. I don’t go out of my way to mention it or anything, but I have mentioned it, and I’ve never had anyone get upset over it as far as I know.

#stuff about me or whatever #musings

[progeny-ex-machina]

by talos this can’t be happening is a mandela effect because the actual phrase is by the gods this can’t be happening and i’ve never heard anyone say the former in game

#funny stuff #tumblr memes

[progeny-ex-machina]

do you ever get scared that you’re unintentionally toxic or draining to be around, like you’re the bad guy

#things i identify with really strongly #i'm sure there are people who would say ''yeah and you're right'' #part of why i don't get close to people anymore #i've tried so hard to be better but it never works #the self hatred files

[progeny-ex-machina]

The problem with getting into something new is that I feel like I’m in limbo when I’m not actively interacting with it.

#misc

[progeny-ex-machina]

I want to play Fallen London again but the problem with Fallen London is that while you're playing it's all perfectly simple and ingrained but the moment you step away for like, a month, then when you come back suddenly the entire game is like "If you really want to continue this storyline you'll have to get 9 Whispers of a Lovelorn Dream and sell them to an authoritarian rabbit in the 87.2th circle of hell where it'll bestow on you the Token of an Inadequate Perfume-Maker, but first you'll need to buy the Indefatigable Jetski from the Fulminating Dowager at Watchmaker's Hill by collecting enough Pieces of the Flayed Corpse of God and converting them into Baptized Rat Kings." and I'm like wow I cannot believe how recently I understood what all of that meant. but now I. do not.

#this is part of why i have yet to get into the new fl content #but i want to! sometime! #fallen london

[progeny-ex-machina]

The pieces used to be there and I thought they would fit together. But they’re gone. Sink in, sink in, the creature’s maw is soft and warm.

[progeny-ex-machina]

#funny stuff

[progeny-ex-machina]

I’m suffering from first-world problems. I’m bored. There’s plenty I could do, but none of it appeals to me. All I want is to sleep, but there’s only so much sleep I can force my body to get. (Sleep aids don’t really work on me, which sucks when I actually am tired.) Even the thought of doing little things like a trivia quiz online makes me go “don’t wanna”. But doing nothing…I can actually be totally content to do nothing sometimes, but not right now.

Basically my brain is being a stubborn toddler atm and I don’t know what to do with it.

I have one more possible recourse. A medication I take before work, that tempers the feeling of “just can’t”. The idea of needing to take a pill in order to even entertain myself is absurd, but…well, at least it’s not the other kind of “entertainment” pill, heh.

Edit: I got up enough function to browse and read some fanfic, so I’d say that was a success.

#personal life #is this executive dysfunction? (no this is patrick)

[progeny-ex-machina]

My brain is doing the magic conch routine from SpongeBob. I think about doing something. “No.” I consider doing something else. “No.” Well, I could always…“No.” Then what should I do? “Nothing.” Just lie around in bed and let my mind wander? “Yes.” Okay then. It’s Friday and you’re the boss.

#personal life

[progeny-ex-machina]

#yeah this happens #kitties

[progeny-ex-machina]

#funny stuff

[progeny-ex-machina]

people who don't follow chess I promise this post is really funny

#interesting stuff #misc

[progeny-ex-machina]

I’ve been listening to Hamilton at work again lately so every time I start thinking something like “man I feel like I haven’t slept in—” my brain automatically picks up with “—a week, I was weak, I was awake, you’d never seen a bastard orphan more in need of a break…”

Brb going to go cheat on my wife and ruin my political career.

#misc #hamilton

[progeny-ex-machina]

Pretty decent birthday, hit a bit of a snag with my taxes but did finish them, then had a good view of the eclipse from my balcony and I had dad burgers and mom cake 🙂

#personal life