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prognosis-undiagnosable · 4 days

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Update & TW: Vent

I was mad and wrote in sharpie that the brownies I MADE are just for me and my duo. I woke up the next day and they taped microwave and put on dry erase board that microwave only for them now. It psych major's anyways, but like how fucken petty do you have to be to be that mad over brownies that have always normally left out for the apartment for 8 months.

Normally, my duo and I have the nights while they have the day.

Sorority girl was out and about while my duo was out. And I just wanted to talk to my duo without this bitch in the way and she plays her video on blast as she walks around? like what?

I know I talk/hushed talk whisper to myself when it becomes later in the night, but she's just parading round the apartment with her video out loud.

One perk of having shitty roommates is I've touched grass way more often because I don't want to be in that shit hole. Went to the weekly POC LGBTQ+ thing was super chill and nice. I was able to get closer to a few people and potentially meet a duo roommates for next year?!

There was also an replication of emo nite with student bands and one cover band. It was actually really fun to vibe with them outside of club meetings.

TW: Vent

Love my friend but she is so shit at giving advice through text.

This it why I should just stick to the status quo, stay in my lane. Tumblr vent post just satiate that screaming need... well and also a blasting music jam session but ye

Fuck my roommates they all suck. They have a guest that stayed the night stole my soap dispenser and put it on their side. (There's 2 sinks.) But they used our sink. Like WHAT? Not to mention the passive aggressive bullshit of over sending information already given. Like we were so chill about it. Like hey maybe don't bring a stranger into the apartment to stay the night WITHOUT TELLING US. BUT NOOOOO THAT'S TOO MUCH FOR THEM.

Now they passive aggressive text in the group chat like this gem

"Once again, my friend is staying over tonight she is sleeping in the living room"

Like am I crazy or saying "Once again" is passive aggressive.

I feel like I'm going insane.

They had to have told them that which is our sink. There's no way they didn't.

I feel like I'm going insane. It's proper roommate etiquette to assume that if THEY have someone over they are going to be using THeir stuff on their side. Am I crazy for that?

Bro, I haven't even stepped outside at any time the guest has been here, but them sending that "once again" text in the middle of them already being here? Like both of them know that I don't ever really leave the apartment and my fucken lights are on in my room tonight so am I crazy for thinking the "once again" message was a pointed intentional passive aggressive diss?

Whatever I don't care anymore. I hope they get chemical burns /irritated skin from using the rigged soap dispenser because WE HAD TO HIDE OUR OTHER SOAP DISPENSER because they wouldn't stop using ours even after telling them politely to use their own and use their own sink. LIKE BRO IT'S NOT THAT FUCKEN HARD

#prog undia post #shitty roommates #tw vent #petty drama bs

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prognosis-undiagnosable · 4 days

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prognosis-undiagnosable · 5 days

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Update: Patch Up

Got so hang out with one of my friends all afternoon helping her shop for her new apartment. We both got to rant about our shitty roommate shituations. I felt a lot better.

Only bad thing is went into this hang out on 3 hours of sleep and forgot my meds.

All my impulse control was out of wack. After the first thrift store my purchases were kind of regrets. I just felt like I need to follow her through the store like a little kid. (Probably just needed to be around some I felt safe with or something?) Normally were both chill wondering on our own and drifting back to one another. Which would've been more helpful probably for me to not make such bad decisions. But I can't return the items they're from locations my bus shuttle doesn't stop at.

Also, my dumbass didn't check if the DVD was in one of the cases so I wasted $2 on nothing. Still a bit mad at myself for that. And one of the things I actually kind of needed I didn't get.

But a lot of me already accepted it's no use to focus on what can't be changed and feels indifferent about it all.

TW: Vent

Love my friend but she is so shit at giving advice through text.

This it why I should just stick to the status quo, stay in my lane. Tumblr vent post just satiate that screaming need... well and also a blasting music jam session but ye

Now they passive aggressive text in the group chat like this gem

"Once again, my friend is staying over tonight she is sleeping in the living room"

Like am I crazy or saying "Once again" is passive aggressive.

I feel like I'm going insane.

They had to have told them that which is our sink. There's no way they didn't.

I feel like I'm going insane. It's proper roommate etiquette to assume that if THEY have someone over they are going to be using THeir stuff on their side. Am I crazy for that?

#prog undia post

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prognosis-undiagnosable · 6 days

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TW: I don't even know anymore. Probably something

Just remembered that our RA that ratted me out lives above us. I can hear his movements and I don't know why but it is stressing me out so entirely. I can't deal.

I keep accidentally putting this shit on my main.

TW: Vent

Love my friend but she is so shit at giving advice through text.

This it why I should just stick to the status quo, stay in my lane. Tumblr vent post just satiate that screaming need... well and also a blasting music jam session but ye

Now they passive aggressive text in the group chat like this gem

"Once again, my friend is staying over tonight she is sleeping in the living room"

Like am I crazy or saying "Once again" is passive aggressive.

I feel like I'm going insane.

They had to have told them that which is our sink. There's no way they didn't.

I feel like I'm going insane. It's proper roommate etiquette to assume that if THEY have someone over they are going to be using THeir stuff on their side. Am I crazy for that?

#prog undia post

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prognosis-undiagnosable · 6 days

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TW: Vent

I kind of fucked up my whole process flow I guess. I couldn't process what felt. Couldn't type. back to live blogging again.

I feel so on edge now. Yesterday was the Wellness check thing. I did work til 8 then went to sleep woke back up at 15:45 ish and the apartment is a ghost town. I don't see or hear any of them. Not even my duo.

One would think empty apartment, home alone. What a relief.

but I feel like I'm in the twilight zone or something, just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Only good thing to come out of this is now I have a physical valid reason for being even more nervous to leave my room.

I just feel so on edge having no one here.

Was I actually just victimizing myself and they're the real victims. I don't know anything anymore.

THis apprehension won't settle.

TW: Vent

Love my friend but she is so shit at giving advice through text.

This it why I should just stick to the status quo, stay in my lane. Tumblr vent post just satiate that screaming need... well and also a blasting music jam session but ye

Now they passive aggressive text in the group chat like this gem

"Once again, my friend is staying over tonight she is sleeping in the living room"

Like am I crazy or saying "Once again" is passive aggressive.

I feel like I'm going insane.

They had to have told them that which is our sink. There's no way they didn't.

I feel like I'm going insane. It's proper roommate etiquette to assume that if THEY have someone over they are going to be using THeir stuff on their side. Am I crazy for that?

#prog undia post #tw rant #tw vent #rant

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prognosis-undiagnosable · 6 days

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TW: VENT SH Thoughts Mentioned!

You'd think that thing would settle down now? You'd think that the unspoken decided upon Cold War would be the end of things?

One would think so.

But NO I can't have nice things because the Universe HATES my dumbass.

I got a Heath & Wellness check called on me for home decor.

Yes, I got a check called on me for HOME DECOR on my room door.

For 1 song title finger painted on my door with watercolor.

1 Single measly word from a SONG TITLE from a bitchboy who doesn't even fucken know me.

My Uni has these RA check-in chat thingys and apparently Lil Miss Psych Major was having hers in her room and our RA was there in person. I didn't know at the time this was going to be a big thing. But I overheard them and he asked her Is that new? and she just replied yeah I think so. When we were still on good terms during October I put bloody hand print and smears with the same water color. We even joked about pranking our RA during Room checks. SO THIS BITCH stood by like the fucken COWARD SNAKE she is and LET HIM call a fucken wellness check on me.

She let them in the apartment, didn't tell me, so I just thought it was just one of their friends coming over. So when they were right at my door when I opened it. I was going to go pee, but now I'm suckerpunched with this shit.

and these "Wellness" people would NOT LET IT GO. THey just kept going on and on. for 30 minutes. You want to know how I know it was approximately 30 minutes because I literally had to tell them I had a meeting soon. YET THEY JUST KEPT GOING.

Aired out all my negative thoughts about my roommates WHILE they were in the apartment then acted like she was HELPING me "What? I'm trying to clear the air and tension so you can talk it out"

I have 1 month left in this hell hole I did not need shit to get escalated even more. I had already made up my mind that I was just going to wait it out.

Yet they kept preaching the "You deserve better" bs so how about let's displace you from the room you've been in for 8 months just for 1 month.

Fuck that Ginger mop headed freak and that flat footed fuck face. I hope they trip over knives.

Part of me is still enraged and the other part wants to used this to prove a point.

I can't decorate my room because I don't deserve it. Nothing is mine. Nothing belongs to me because I am just a belonging, an object to my mother. Simply a defective product.

Later Sorority girl came back and they talked out in the hallway. I couldn't fully make out what they said but I think they were laughing at what happened to me.

That's some real snake shit right there. I wasn't trying to intentionally trigger them banging on things. I was harmfully stimming from stress. But these 2 bitches actually take enjoyment from my suffering.

I feel so nothing anymore. drag a blade deeper in. I can't do this anymore.

I can't deal with paranoia. Glass Cage just to be painted as a bad guy. Guess that's what happens when I think I can start living outside of my purpose.

PS. I'm not actually going to do anything just a vent.

I'm just so got so mad went silent. And I tried to stay in that head space because I knew if I left it I'd spiral.

I hadn't searched up od mg for along while.

Started stripping my room bare of all of any customization any personality what little I have left. Sterilized, devoid, clinical.

TW: Vent

Love my friend but she is so shit at giving advice through text.

This it why I should just stick to the status quo, stay in my lane. Tumblr vent post just satiate that screaming need... well and also a blasting music jam session but ye

Now they passive aggressive text in the group chat like this gem

"Once again, my friend is staying over tonight she is sleeping in the living room"

Like am I crazy or saying "Once again" is passive aggressive.

I feel like I'm going insane.

They had to have told them that which is our sink. There's no way they didn't.

I feel like I'm going insane. It's proper roommate etiquette to assume that if THEY have someone over they are going to be using THeir stuff on their side. Am I crazy for that?

#prog undia post #tw rant #tw vent #rant #shitty roommates #tw sh related

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prognosis-undiagnosable · 6 days

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I really wish instead of 'sorry, I'm busy' people would just tell me the truth, that they have no desire to speak to me.

It would be the utmost kindness if someone looked into my eyes and said

"I don't want to be your friend"

Because at least then I wouldn't feel like everybody's just being nice to my face so I'll leave them alone.

I feel so stupid saying 'feel free to message me anytime!' knowing that I'll never get a message. Not one.

Some people were meant to be left behind and that some people is me.

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prognosis-undiagnosable · 7 days

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prognosis-undiagnosable · 8 days

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prognosis-undiagnosable · 8 days

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Creators Who Actually Make me Excited about Food

I'm a make whole thread when ever they pop up on my feed.

Creators trying out viral food combinations and their reactions.

These genuinely make me curious to try them out and make me have positive excitement about food instead of being filled with dread.

https://youtube.com/shorts/5C9DwVWW-Lg?si=yk5USyOQdA-7jcXf

#prog undia post #pro recovery #ed recovery #recovery is possible #recovery is hard #ed recovery tips?

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prognosis-undiagnosable · 8 days

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#nah for real though #i got to reinforce that back into my brain again because a bitch be bed rotting the moment I get back into my room

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prognosis-undiagnosable · 9 days

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gaz.

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prognosis-undiagnosable · 10 days

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TW: Vent Reflection Deep Dive I guess? LOT of Rambling

It just something keeps bothering me about the whole Incident ting and I need it out of my brain figured and sorted out because I don't want to be wasting my time on some stupid ass bitches I hate.

I guess it's the whole like full on personal anecdotal background reasoning over-explanation thing. In some ways I get it. Like she's overexplaining probably to help cope with like asking to set boundaries/feel better about like it's okay to ask/set boundaries and it's not invalid to do so sort of mindset thingy?

But in my brain I kind of just keep thinking like feel like the whole ting feels like theatrics of trying to garner sympathy and make sure to get the point across that her boundaries and rules are very serious and should be followed/taken very seriously with the utmost importance and really valid.

While when a while back I ask for one little thing to be respected and they both just didn't follow through and kept doing it.

Like I was really nervous to even ask them (and I'm sure that's how they felt asking their thing,) but I didn't like go into a whole back story of like why or anything because how I grew up it's just not something you do? There have far more things that bothered me way more than this one that I never brought up.

Even before this, I asked a different ting. Mistakes happen and all that jazz, but if they could be more mindful to put things on their shelves in the fridge and not mine (that I literally share with my duo). I didn't even really tack on how my duo and I already only have 1 shelf that we have to share and so with already so little room have it be used by them gives us even less space than we already have.

I just chalked it up as: to avoid confusion.

Their response was something along the lines of "Maybe just sharpie your stuff" and just move it to their shelves instead.

I never even brought up how it really doesn't help my ed recovery when my already limited food storage area gets invaded/taken up space by other's food and just feels like a subliminal message from the Universe to eat less again/you're eating too much and taking up too much space and I already have a lot of issues rooted in taking up space and existing due to not suppose to being born in the first place (adoptee tingz). I feel like I shouldn't have to mention any of that and felt that they'd think I'm way too oversensitive and overreacting.

They kept doing it here and there. (even though they literally have 3/4 of the fridge space & probability of accidentally putting it on our shelf it lower probability)

The little ting I asked for awhile back was when/once they get their sink fixed (there's 2 sinks. 1 my duo and I share and 1 that they share) to use their soap dispenser and sink.

The only reasoning I really gave was I having to keep refilling my soap dispenser quite often (with 4 people using it constantly) and it's my soap refill (that I paid for).

They kept using our sink and my soap. Like I know it just seems like a silly little thing and not a big deal, but like I feel like I shouldn't have to tell you my whole back story and feelings of having my spaces invaded/overtaken like nothing's really "mine"?/safe to use anymore. Because having an intended thing or space carved out for my use feels safer like I'm not intruding on other's space and provides comfort of use. But when someone causally just uses it like it's public/here for the general public use I just feel like retreating back in, like I've overstayed my welcome or I've gotten too big for my bridges.

The only way we got them to stop using my soap was to hide/keep it in our mirror cabinet. I felt crazy, was I really asking too much of a difficult thing to do/follow?

I guess even before I mention more incident tingz, I think what I'm probably trying to get at is:

I should not have to bring out a whole 6 page essay sob story about my past as reasoning for them to take my asks seriously because

It's none of their business

2. If someone asks you something you don't have to understand it/why, you just have to respect it.

I've been listening to a narrator YouTuber that goes through Reddit threads and they've been doing r/TraumatizeThemBack and I guess maybe that's what made it like click or come back to the forefront of my brain again?

I think it was especially this one story of this girl who was being harassed at a party by a guy that just wouldn't leave her alone kept touching her (kept tell her that he had condoms) till she snapped and trauma dumped that she'd been r-worded at 7 and she can't get pregnant because of it for him to stop.

And in that scenario/just in a scenario outside my own it's so clear to see and like logic of basic common decency that she should never have had to go to such lengths for him to stop, no means no.

I tend to always invalidate and diminish my own tingz (don't even like calling them issues because it feels like too much) and try rationalize/logic them as non-issues and how in the grand scheme of things it's no big deal. Thus, them not following/ignoring every single ting I asked, just felt like reconfirming to me that what I asked was way too big of an asks/I'm being too demanding/my tingz aren't valid and are truly just non-issues. That I'm making too big of a fuss about nothing.

Thus, feeling like a comparison ting of Their Boundaries are way more important (/the only ones that should be taken seriously) than mine.

Because not once has mine or even my duo's boundaries (/regular apartment rules) has ever be adhered to/respected.

I even ask my duo as a 3rd party witness to when we had a general room meeting about cleaning schedules and stuff (during like the first few weeks of living together) and one of them brought up to not slam doors at night and how it reminds them when their father got back home and that was like the sign they were going to get beat and how it sent them into a whole panic attack the other night.

That time felt like timid nervous rambling I completely understood. I apologize and like tried to make sure I validated their feelings and even checked back in a few days later if I was still closing my door too loud for them.

I asked my duo if when I responded to them that time if I was being really understand and kind as I intended. And my duo was like "ye, you were pretty polite/accommodating"

But now with all the other incident tingz that have happened in between and then the whole long text thread thing. It just feels less like nervous timid rambling from of trauma and asking for boundaries and more like "You need to take my boundaries seriously because my trauma's way worse than yours"

Other tingz that made me feel this:

When I was a bit overwhelmed when they had people over and unexpected startled by one of them coming round the corner at the same time. I was a bit shaken up. Explained it away just oops I got startled so if I answer feel off it's not you I'm just still a bit frazzled. And she seems so casually understanding about it like "no worries, you're good" But the next day, I was still keyed up and got spooked by her presence unexpected already in the living room I think she meant it light heartedly as "Hey I wasn't around to corner this time. just chilling here" or something I can't remember too well because I still reeling. Like I'm not expecting everyone to read my mind/body reactions or anything, but like I full body recoiled then forced myself to act normal and carry a small talk conversation instead of keeping my gritted teeth clenched. I don't know it just felt like she was trying to be like "you can't be spooked because I didn't do anything and was just sitting here"

I've given a brief surface level run down of my parents policing my foods and etc. once when I thought we were getting to know one another. Then her to randomly bring it up to a friend she had over and say "so theirs (as in me) is kind of like yours (her friend) but yours (her friend) is worse"

Like what I hardly know you, I've given you the sparksnotes run down of things and your already comparing it to your friend's like you know everything bout mine?

Okay, this post as been all over the place, but just to make myself feel better/(valid) I want put one of the most undeniably shit things they did.

It's the night before winter break starts my duo and I had finally finished our exams for the semester and had a whole impromptu/semi-planned Takeout & Movie Session thing laid out to celebrate as well as because we were stressed about having to go home for the next 1 month 1/2-ish. We were having a really good time. They were out with friends also celebrating I presume.

I shouldn't even have to preface this, my duo and I introvert, homebody, never leave the house type of people and they're more extrovert, going out, party people. This is common knowledge at this point in living together for at least the past 2+ months.

They get back as we're finishing our movie and winding down. We were still pretty chatty as we were finishing the movie (the walls are pretty thin). So one would assume they'd know our presences are here.

We started to get ready for bed after they had finished up and gone to their rooms. I go to the kitchen area going to heat up some soup as a little night cap, but in dim lighting from the hallway to the living/kitchen room area there's a pile of blankets on the ground that moves. A literal stranger is in our apartment and they didn't even gives us a text heads up that they'd be staying the night. I shouldn't even have to mention that it was a guy, and it wasn't one of the various people the often have over.

I got so spooked I didn't even dare to step into the room swiftly walked back texted my duo the news.

They had enough mind to clean up their vomit from the restroom before going to bed, they had enough cognition to at the very least text us one of their friends was staying the night. (later I found out they even left a yoga mat for him). They had enough wits to tell us.

My duo and I were both too stressed to try and address it before break and planned to bring it up after break.

We both were trying to come off as calm and chill about it as possible, "if possible could you text us a head up before someone stays the night?"

Her response, I shit you not word for word bar for bar was "Oh, we just didn't know you were here." that's the first thing out of her mouth. Not a "I'm sorry" or a "my bad" I even take a "my b" it felt so unreal I had to double check and ask my duo afterward if she ever once say any form of apology in her whole monologue explanation.

tl;dr: Shitty roommates let a stranger sleep in our living room without telling my duo and I.

General tl;dr of the Whole Post: Shitty Roommates can have their Boundaries set and followed, but never follow any of my asks.

TW: Vent

Love my friend but she is so shit at giving advice through text.

This it why I should just stick to the status quo, stay in my lane. Tumblr vent post just satiate that screaming need... well and also a blasting music jam session but ye

Now they passive aggressive text in the group chat like this gem

"Once again, my friend is staying over tonight she is sleeping in the living room"

Like am I crazy or saying "Once again" is passive aggressive.

I feel like I'm going insane.

They had to have told them that which is our sink. There's no way they didn't.

I feel like I'm going insane. It's proper roommate etiquette to assume that if THEY have someone over they are going to be using THeir stuff on their side. Am I crazy for that?

#prog undia post #shitty roommates #tw long post #tw ed mentioned #tw self deprecating thoughts #ramblings

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