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Hey,

I am dealing with a lot right now. I just have soo many goals written but I don't know how am I suppose to just start all of them because my summer vacation is going on and I wanna glow up and be a really different person when my school reopens it actually opens around 28 of Aug and I am soo stressed. I really have tons of things to do and idk wht shud I do. I am a very weak student in studies and I have to complete many chapters so I have to do them myself and I also have many projects to do while I also want to have a glow up and doo manyyy things. I thought that it would be fun if I do this with a friend but in reality I dnt hv any trustworthy friend. And I also tried to plan my days but I thing it just doesn't works for me bcz it jst messes up and idk hw shud I jst do the planning nd all. I am just soo done at this point.

if you can't plan your days from wake up to bedtime, choose a block of time and plan that instead. if you're serious about making changes you can't have a defeatist attitude and feel so overwhelmed that you end up paralyzed and unable to do anything at all. choose saturdays to focus on beauty routines for your glow up, choose 2 hours a day for studying, pick certain days or times for your other things you want to glow up. your schedule doesn't have to be an 18 hour bonanza with no wiggle room.

also remember that just bc aug 28th comes and goes doesn't mean it's too late to keep working on yourself. maybe that's just phase 1

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Hello! Hope you are well. How does one overcome the sense that it’s all hopeless? I feel like I constantly take one step forward and take 3 back. For instance, I had some health conditions come up, that make it hard to pursue fitness and weight loss. Another is financial struggles and comparison to my peers. How do I push forward and see the light at the end of the tunnel? I’m working on improving my prayer life, which has helped. Thanks ❤️

You alter your goals as need be so that they remain realistic and achievable to you. Don’t force yourself to be stuck on one specific outcome or method to the point where you will always be unhappy. You accept the reality of your situation, maybe you even take some time to mourn what could have been (that’s perfectly fine), and you go from there with a new game plan. You focus on yourself and stop comparing your progress with your peers who are playing a different game with different rules and different obstacles to you. You remind yourself that you can either give up and know for a fact that you will be left behind forever or you can keep going and get there when you are meant to get there.

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Stop normalizing the grind and start normalizing whatever this is

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you will love these apps 🤍

daylio. you can record your mood and the activities you did during the day, it is intuitive to use and at the same time it is very complete, you can customize all your habits and activities.

habit. works as a habit tracker, you can add the activities you have to do during your day and mark when they are complete, it will help you to have a record of your habits and keep you motivated, in fact, you can add from drinking water to exercise, whatever you want.

stoic. you can use it as a diary, answer daily questions about how was your day, it also asks you other questions that will make you reflect, you have motivational phrases and gives you the option to do short breathings and meditations, it is very complete!

notion. it's a very complete app and you can give it many uses, but it's especially focused on organization. you can add calendars, to-do lists, everything!

i am and motivation. they are very similar and you can use them to read positive affirmations or motivational phrases, they also send you notifications with the affirmations. you can also add widgets or if you have iOS add them to your lock screen.

moon phase. tells you what the moon is today and more, it also tells you the best times to take pictures, day or night.

plant parent. if you have plants this app is very useful. you can add. what are your plants, they give you care tips and let you know when to water them.

spotify. we all know it! but besides the music, there are many interesting podcasts about wellness and lifestyle, even audiobooks and music for meditation.

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whoever let me attend law school

How dare you

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Take Care Of Yourself.

Levelling up means becoming the best, healthiest, most successful version of yourself. Here's some ways to do that:

Read books (education, flow state, calms and slows the mind)

Daily exercise (30 mins or more)

Listen to positive, uplifting music

Have creative hobbies (painting, pottery, sewing, etc)

Get rid of negative/toxic friends

Choose healthy, beneficial relationships

Therapy

Learn new languages

Meditate

Go outside and into nature

Spend time with animals (calming)

Positive affirmations

Keep your living space clean and tidy

Drink lots of water

Daily stretching

Prayer, gratitude, journaling, etc

Eat a healthy, nutritious diet

Reduce internet time and start physical hobbies (e.g. art, dance, surfing, gardening, etc)

Get 8 hours of sleep

Always take care of yourself first.

Mia.

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MY FAV IG ATM: @NICOLESNEUROSCIENCE

I struggle IMMENSELY with my mental health even till this day.

I’m currently reprogramming my brain to not operate on a default survival mode. I don’t have to hustle. I don’t have to grind. I am training my brain to relax for the first time in over 20 years. It’s a process.

My struggles with mental health issues is what pushed me to get a Ph.D in Neuroscience. There’s so many factors of our everyday 3D reality that play apart in the trauma we sort of self inflict onto our brain. Climate change, inflation, even the pandemic for example. Long term stress inflicts trauma onto the brain.

I’ve been hesitant about having a urTOOspoiled IG account but I love the simple infographics that allow me to immediately take in the information and apply it without being overwhelmed with information.

I would love to do the same thing since most of my advice is based on data, stats and resources I’ve read in books or on the internet.

Idk though. In the meantime, back to my hidey hole.

Happy Healing! Hope this helped someone who needed it! 🧿🕯💕🙏🏾

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Hi! Which are the essential habits that helped you to level up during your journey?

Daily exercise

Developing a skincare routine

Delayed gratification. This is crucial

No longer identifying with old habits I had and officially declaring them as “used to’s” as in, I used to stay up all night but I don’t do that anymore. Update your self image to be in line with your new habits. Kill the old ones and bury them deep

Digital minimalism and saying no to FOMO online

Making a detailed list of my dream girl and checking in on my progress periodically to keep me straight

Blocking out distractions that kept me from reaching my level up goals. People and things. “If you want to reach me, here are the blocks of time I’m available” and sticking to it. My goals are important and my 24 hours are valuable.

Having a hair care routine

Getting into the habit of being tip top everyday. I made being gorgeous my default setting. Just because I’m home all day doesn’t mean I won’t style my hair, put on jewelry, dress cute and spray my perfume.

Got into the habit of keeping things to myself. Well I was already like that but I’ll mention it anyway. Move in silence

Started practicing gratitude and forgiveness. Reframed my outlook on life. My glass is always half full.

Learned to tune into myself fully to know what I like and I went after those things in max capacity. MY style, MY taste, MY preferences, MY standards. No one else’s (which is what the intro to my dream girl journals discusses. Read it if you haven’t yet)

I became obsessed with self improvement. I’m always getting better and better and I will never get complacent. There’s always new heights to reach and I enthusiastically go after them. You have to love the journey or else you won’t make it.

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btw you are a perfect 10, just like today's date <3

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I got a lot of asks on this topic with slight variations of essentially the same question so here goes.

Fake confidence is not confidence. It’s literally fake, it says that in the name. It’s pretending. That’s not terrible but if you’re wondering why all this time has gone by and you still haven’t become truly confident it’s because it’s fake! At best it will appear real to outsiders, which is nice, but you will still be miserable as the person who is inhabiting your body and living your life. Fake confidence only looks good until someone with authentic confidence walks into the room and shows you how it’s done. The truth is that most people who fake it until they make it, don’t ever make it. They are just hoping to be perceived as someone who has made it.

I’m sorry to tell you but if you’ve been doing affirmations for years and years and you’re still sending me asks about being confident, it’s not working. I can’t say if you’re doing it wrong, not doing it enough, or not believing it hard enough but either way, something’s gotta give. How many more years are you gonna waste?

You start building confidence in 2 ways: one, you get action-based self esteem. Get some hobbies and work on them. Learn some skills, get good grades, try something new. Do something with your days!! Make an effort!! Complete something!! Scrolling all day won’t give you a sense of accomplishment and when 5,7,10 years go by and you look up and realize that you have nothing going for yourself, you will obviouslyyyyy feel like crap. Reread this point over and over again. Two, get in tune with yourself and figure out what you like, dislike, and truly want. When you really know yourself like that, you will make moves accordingly. You won’t question everything you do and run all of your decisions past other people. You’ll just happily make decisions on your own accord. You will not get to know yourself on a deep enough level if you are online all day and that’s a fact. You’re constantly bombarded with everyone else’s content, everyone else’s opinions, everyone else’s sense of style. Your brain has become a frankstein monster of every other persons ideas. Who are you even? Do you even know? Without a bunch of tiktok girls to tell you what your new aesthetic of the month is, do you even know what you like doing, buying, wearing, how you like to decorate, or what you want to do as a morning routine? Or are you just gonna keep letting outsiders tell you that in January you’re a pink Pilates princess and in March you’re a clean girl and in July you’re that girl. Who are you?? You’ll never be confident if you’re always cosplaying other people. Log off and find yourself.

Stop crumbling every time someone doesn’t like you or what you do. Learn to like yourself! Stop letting the opinions of strangers hold you hostage. Do you like yourself? Okay then.

Remember that being confident doesn’t require you to think you’re the best of the best, the crème de la crème, the hottest thing walking. You can think your looks are overall average, and still be wildly confident. You can acknowledge that you aren’t the best in the world and still be confident. Not only is being less than perfect absolutely okay, it’s rooted in reality. When people try to boost your confidence by having you tell yourself that you’re essentially perfect in whatever domain, that’s toxic positivity and fake confidence yet again. Rid yourself of the thought that confidence always looks like arrogance and lying to yourself about being at the top of the pyramid. Yes you have shortcomings. Lots of them. So do I. And???

I just want to reiterate that lying to yourself hardly does anything for your confidence long term and it’s just so clear. If you are upset about the fact that your body is average, your face is average, you have little to no dating experience, and you haven’t been a part of any substantial activities since freshman year volleyball where you weren’t even that great and quit after one year, I don’t know why you think that pretending you’re Maddy Perez or Jennie while you halfheartedly recite affirmations that state you’re the sexiest woman in the room ✨, everyone is obsessed with you ✨, you attract nothing but life’s luxuries ✨ is really helping you. Like….this isn’t building your confidence really. Giving you a bandaid perhaps. But what would really make you feel better is to go out and get some activities into your schedule where you start at a low level and through your hard work you get better and better. You start working out and building the body you want. You accept the fact that you don’t need to be the prettiest girl in the world to enjoy yourself and have a fantastic life, so instead you style your hair and makeup in a way that you genuinely like and confidently go out into the world knowing and fully being okay with the fact that not everyone thinks you’re stunning but that’s okay. Because you are pleased when you look in the mirror. And there’s more to life than trying (and failing) to be everyone’s type. That’s much more progress than listening to “manifest looking like an instagram model 10 hour 3D audio” every night.

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omg flashback to when I deleted all my socials, became a minimalist, donated all my stuff, stopped wearing makeup, only wore my hair curly, and was a vegan. I'd go for a walk at 5am in the freezing cold, come home and study a foreign language, read a book, and then watch a critically acclaimed film before bed. that was a moment. like I needed that

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How do I express who I am through social media, it’s hard for me to express myself to people because I don’t see them everyday and the only communication we have is through the Internet, it feels like they don’t know me at all,

Hi love! Some general tips are below:

Reshare images that inspire you (love some aesthetically-pleasing photography on an Instagram story – you can help others find cool creators, too)

Sparingly share some quotes that aren't cliché and speak to your values/personal brand (more on this soon – promise once I'm like not half braindead lol)

Decide on personal brand colors, codes (like a particular aesthetic, lifestyle, level of formality, etc.)

Take random photos over the week, like a sunset or a gorgeous store set-up, meal, outfit photos, etc., and curate a few to share over the next week

Comment as a means of self-expression: Reply to TikToks, Instagram, or Twitter posts that you resonate with or have a new perspective on – this practice allows you to share your personality without having to create original content (called slacktivism if you're curious)

Hope this helps xx

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Femme Fatale Guide: How To Build Your Personal Brand & Self Concept

Discovering, refining, and feeling comfortable with your authentic self is essential for claiming your power and deciding how you want to show up in the world. Here's a beginner's guide to discovering your personality, cultivating your personal brand, and unleashing your divine/dark feminine energy. Tips are below x

Create A 'You' Starter Pack:

A Mood Board

Values List (Try 5 Core Values/Words To Start)

Your Own 'Dream Girl' Archetype

A Personal Manifesto

Write A Recommendation Letter About Yourself (It's a great practice to see yourself from the outside looking in. Once you understand how you want to be perceived, it's time to self-reflect. Allow this introspection creates a roadmap to help you cultivate these qualities. Decide mannerisms and habits to cultivate, a way of dressing, interests to pursue, skillsets to master, etc.)

Ultimately, finding who you are comes down to these main principles:

Your Values

Your Goals/Desires

How You Want To Show Up To The World

The Characteristics That Make You Feel Whole Behind Closed Doors

The Way You Hold Yourself: How do you dress, do your hair and makeup, speak, and interact with others? How do you want others to describe you when you're not in the room? What do you do every day? What interests, skills, careers, academic subjects, and social causes drive you? What characteristics do you strive to embody? How do they align with your personal strength and natural skill sets?

To find your likes & dislikes: Look for confidence and alignment in all areas. 

Think about the activities that give you energy and feel effortless once you get into the flow. Is it writing, drawing, a sport, shopping, interior design, reading books, doing your nails, putting together outfits, puzzles, or fitness? Discover the parts of your day and types of tasks that center you. What are you doing when you feel at peace, in flow, and as though time stops? Also, lean into your strengths. Are you naturally good at writing, understanding people, public speaking, singing, dancing, a sport, putting together outfits or spaces, creating Pinterest boards, or doing your makeup? It’s easier to marry passion with an innate skill.

What you would love to do in your free time if you had no responsibilities and would be glad to do for free? Think about building a set of likes like creating your dream job. Would you be a personal chef, dancer, stylist, tennis player, nail artist, professional organizer, book critic, trainer, therapist, scientist, writer etc.? Use your imagination and creativity. Look at the posts you resonate most with and reblog on Tumblr or create boards with Pinterest. See the similarities among your favorite content and why it inspires you. 

Another way to discover your likes (and dislikes) is to experiment! What music genres are you listening to and which can you play for something different? What outfits make you feel most confident? What books and TV shows could you spend hours engrossed in? Browse Spotify, YouTube, Pinterest, Tumblr, bookstores (Amazon lol), clothing websites, Netflix, etc. to try out different aesthetics across categories until you find items and content that speaks to your soul. 

For finding your dislikes, as obvious as it sounds, do the opposite.

What activities, aesthetics, and content drain your energy? What types of books, music, and TV make you space out? What foods could you happily live without? Subjects in school that you dread? Careers that would be soul-sucking? Outfits and beauty looks that make you feel uncomfortable or not like yourself? Anything that continuously creates resistance no matter how much energy you put into trying to align with it can count as a dislike. 

To discover your aesthetic, my advice would be similar: 

Picture what your ideal life and self looks like: How would you dress, eat, spend your leisure time, do as a career, decorate your home, do your makeup, read, watch, listen to, study at school if any path was available and guaranteed to provide you a lifetime of success and ease? 

Take time to think about the archetypical aesthetics that you admire most and 5-10 words you most want to embody when people describe your look/persona. For example, I’m drawn to the Parisian girl, ‘90s model, classic femme fatale, NYC chic, and minimalist ’that girl’ clean wellness aesthetic. My words are refined, elegant, luxurious, contemporary, worldly, intellectual, cultured, and chic. Find inspiration for every aspect of your aesthetic: Your clothes, home, beauty routine, leisure activities (books you read, music and TV show choices, athletic activities), food preferences, etc. that resonate with you. Create a Pinterest board for each area and then a larger vision board with snippets of each category. 

Do you prefer certain colors, silhouettes, aspects of certain cultures, schools of thought, and TV or book archetypes? Lean into how they look, act, speak, and move throughout the world, the routines, habits, and preferences of these ideal figures. Combine different aspects of these archetypes and cultural influences that resonate with you and mind-map them to suit the criteria above. 

Remember: This process takes time and will refine itself organically as you learn about yourself. Start with one or two areas of your life and expand from there. Discover what makes you feel good and the brand consistency will come with time and authenticity.