psychocreepers

[psychocreepers]

whatever this is, it's how i feel right now

[psychocreepers]

[psychocreepers]

I want to gut myself out of this family

like how my mother killed our dog

after he disappointed us way too many times

I told her karma will take a life from her

and how I wished it would be me

Perhaps through an accident

or murdered intentionally like she did our dog

I’ve become a taint to this family

Something that shines so brightly

Have become a dust and dirt in this household

No matter how many times I try to be quiet

My presence becomes more than a hush

When disappointments are brought to the table

Sometimes the stare is louder than the words

And the quiet is more suffocating than the rope

I wonder if I became our dog

Just waiting for the right time to be gutted

I guess that wouldn’t be too bad

If it means I get to escape this family

Hate

[psychocreepers]

whatever feeling this is

霧桜

[psychocreepers]

[psychocreepers]

life update: i'm back here = the void has returned

[psychocreepers]

i don't want to die, i just want to kill parts of me that loves her

[psychocreepers]

the wait will be worth it

[psychocreepers]

when was the last time i looked in the mirror and not count the things i wish to change

[psychocreepers]

Swamp St. Petersburg | Andrey Grachev

[psychocreepers]

i guess we made it out alive

from muddy waters

from deadly fire

perhaps it’s your smile

that made the scars worth it

i’ll swim across thousands of thorns

if it means i’ll have you within my reach

the only rose the blossomed

against the endless thorns

i made it out screaming

and kicking

and fighting

while making sure you’re safe in my hands

you never asked for my protection

but i could never bear to see you bleed

you grew your skin like cactus

immune from all the thirst

standing still in the dessert

and you made the sun your home

the heat your means of survival

i can see why a drop of rain terrifies you

why my ocean seemed more like a threat

than a promise of life

after all

you’ve made a life out of this lifeless dust

you are beautiful

you are deadly

and you have no need of me

perhaps i appear like another promise

a rain that comes once a year

enough to fulfill a thirst

too much and i come as flash flood

but i’ve learned to hold myself back

a drizzle instead of storm

i’ve learned to be patient

and you’ve learned to accept me

slowly

gently

the dessert is still dry

the ocean is still deep

but perhaps we’ve learned to understand

the nature of both

the purpose of this difference

i’ve watched you from afar

and witnessed how you can grew life without me

and i’ve learned that i do not need to be needed

i let you do your life bringing

and you let me embrace that life in my palms

we met in between

like sand and sea shore

and we made each time worthwhile

we never need to be needed

we just have to exist as we do

and sometimes

that’s all it takes to keep us breathing

like a sun setting

like a colorful horizon

like a quiet walk along the shoreline

- Hate

[psychocreepers]

[psychocreepers]

In the end

we all go back to nature

to where we all began

to the soil

to the dirt

where we all grew from

no matter how far we run

no matter how thick the science

we surround ourselves with

nature

in her beauty

and destructiveness

still slip through your cracks

will climb your walls

and make the cracks herself

in the end

we go back to her

to fertilize her soil

and grew a life

that gives life back

I will always be in love with this

of nature

claiming what it has always been hers

it’s a constant reminder

no matter how we let human greed prevail

we always go back to her claws

six feet underground

feeding her growth

this limited time

this aging body

this constant need of life

all of these

are rotting

in every ticking minute

so perhaps

I will only come to matter

when a seed

breaks free from my ribcage

when raven have been full with my flesh

when insects have made home in my skin

when nature claims back my bones

when I make the land

green again

[psychocreepers]

There’s never really a monster in the window

But I peek, still

As if waiting to see something

Almost always certain I would see a pair of eyes

Red and black

Claws and fangs

Waiting for the right time to devour me

The curtains flip

And my heart skips a beat

There’s almost always nothing

but sometimes I imagine there is

just to prepare myself for the night it comes

I’m almost always certain the night will come

That it will find me

It would smile

And I will only stare back

Because I knew it, I’ve always known it

It will come for me

Like death comes for everyone

And while death is never predictable

My mind tells me it’s tomorrow

It’s tonight

in the next hour

in the next minute

just outside my window

waiting for the curtain to flip

waiting for me to see it

It will come for me

And unhinges my mouth

It will snake inside

clawing my throat

making sure I taste my own blood

And when my chest no longer rise nor fall

it will wear my skin

And I will be nothing but bones

remnants of who I was

That is what anxiety do

That is how my brain works

When nothing ever really happens

but it tells me there is

just wait

in the next second

something will

It tells me it’s certain

and I almost always believe it

- Hate

#poetry #poems and quotes #poemoftheday #poetsandwriters #sad thoughts #anxious #anxiety #depressing post #mental breakdown #thoughts #3 am writing #writing #filipino writers #poets on tumblr #hope poetry #poems on life #sad poem #spilled poem #spilled thoughts #midnight thoughts #writing poetry #poems on sadness #inspiringwords #spilled words #dark academia #depressing poem #relatable poetry

[psychocreepers]

I think, therefore I am (exhausted)

[psychocreepers]

[psychocreepers]

can i ask for how we used to be to comeback

reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)