purplesmartass

[purplesmartass]

I just got my handicap placard renewed, I noticed at work (I work at a psych hospital) there's only 2 spots and they're not really close to the entrance.

Kiiiinda tempted to bring it up/complain. Cuz cmon man. This just feels like the spots were an afterthought. Making them not close kinda defeats the purpose.

#handicap #disabled #spoonie #chronically ill #chronic illness #rant #epilepsy #epileptic #disability

[purplesmartass]

I feel like one thing not mentioned about residual schizophrenia is how hard it is to fucking talk even when all of the positive symptoms have subsided (not positive like good but like hallucinations/delusions), considering at its core schizophrenia is a thought disorder.

Sometimes, nobody understands a damn thing I'm trying to say. My coworker said I looked exhausted, honestly I wasnt, so I wanted to explain that no I'm not tired I just have been feeling a bit worn out because there's been a lot of walk ins that I needed to help and phone calls. Instead I just say "no, more uh.. disorganized. Yeah.. no". And she asked if I get enough sleep and I just trail off like "I mean..." and noticing that I'm just verbalizing a lot of incomplete statements I say "my brain is like pudding. I can do work fine." Words just come out in the wrong order. And it's not even easy to explain through written communication, which is more clear, but the verbal communication mess-ups happen in the moment making it harder to describe when it's not currently happening.

#chronic illness #chronically ill #actually schizospec #schizophrenia #psychosis #mental heath #mental illness

[purplesmartass]

My MRI got cancelled again. Oh no, not because of insurance, they've been like "oh bitch just go get your fuckin MRI we dont give a crap" for the past month. No no, it got cancelled because my doctors office still didnt send them my clinicals (medical records). And everytime I fucking call. I get told "do we have to send the referral over?" "No.. they have that. They need my medical records". And they either say oh ok, or they dont know what I mean by that, or again thinking I'm talking about the referral. And I call them over and over. The radiology office even told me they tried calling for them too. I have done everything short of literally showing up to the office and doing their job for them. Which I rather not do since that literally is my actual job - I already work in a medical record dept 40+ hours a week, so having to do this much more for free wants me to smash my own bones in. I have gave them the fax number (which they asked for numerous times, until I finally snapped "DONT YOU HAVE IT? SAME PLACE YOU SENT THE REFERRAL. WHY AM I DOING YOUR JOB FOR YOU?". How do they not have it WHEN THEYRE THE ONES WHO TOLD ME WHERE TO GO). And they just dont fuckin send them. Or they transfer me to the medical record dept, who never returns my fucking phone calls. Or anyone else in the office (I managed to get a hold of staff actually in the office twice, with just as disappointing results), only place I'm able to get in contact with is a friggin call center every Neurology office seems to use. And then they say "sorry, your followup will have to be rescheduled without the MRI done" and so they cancelled and rescheduled it like twice I mean BITCH WHAT??? YALL ARE THE FUCKING REASON IT AINT DONE!! I just want my fucking EEG results! I already got that done, this MRI is just a stupid requirement ON YOUR PART.

So I tried finding a new neurologist. And get told oh.. we dont take new patients :/ or the wild "sorry, we dont accommodate patients who already see a neurologist. Youd have to get them to send us the medical records" BITCH FUCKING WHAT?? What the FUCK am I supposed to do? I cant even get them to send it for a fucking MRI appt. I cant get in contact with them. I cant get my own medical records.

#chronic illness #epilepsy #chronically ill #vent #rant #actually epileptic

[purplesmartass]

"I'm fine" *falls and bashes head on fiances truck*

chronic illness warriors will say "i'm fine" and keep saying that up until the point they almost pass out.

[purplesmartass]

your doctor reading your medical history:

[purplesmartass]

doctors HATE her: local woman shows symptoms of an actual illness and wants to be treated 

[purplesmartass]

My bfs truck got fckin TOWED out of our apartment bcuz after we went to the grocery store he parked and used my handicap placard. My placard isn't registered to a license plate because its registered to me for the purpose of using it in different cars, so it matches my ID, but some bitchass called a tow company over it anyway. So he took my car to go to work and I wont have any info on what's rlly goin on till he gets back. I'm just assuming this for now bcuz theres no other reason it would've gotten towed and people are assholes.

It shouldn't even matter it's a NY placard (we moved to Nevada) bcuz I still have my NY ID and the placard doesn't even expire for another several years. It's not like I moved states and *poof* I'm abled now, it's magic.

[purplesmartass]

Its kinda confusing how phobia has taken on the meaning of "hatred". For example, I'm terrified of strangers. I'm not scared of coworkers or people I know, but absolutely terrified of strangers I encounter in public.

But if you look up "phobia of strangers", xenophobia comes up. Google claims that means fear of strangers and that is the technical term, but it's more widely known and has evolved into as "you're different from me so I hate you", which being terrified of all strangers doesnt equal being bigoted towards people who are different. Like if someone just says they're xenophobic, people arent going to assume "oh that just means they're afraid of strangers". Because in today's world, phobia has not only turned into a term that refers to fear but hatred as well. I dont hate or have a prejudice against strangers just because I'm scared of them.

"Anthrophobia" is more recognized as social anxiety according to the NIMH, which includes being worried about what people think of you/being judged, which isnt my problem either. I don't really give a shit about what people think of me, it's more of what they can do to me. Yes I get the anxiety of being watched, but more of in a malicious intent way more than "that person is watching me because they think I'm weird". I dont give a shit if I'm weird or if people judge me. Stranger terror/stranger fear is also a thing, and it would be the most fitting term if it didnt only refer to children. Which is odd how it only is used with children when I'm a full grown adult and still experience it to a T, no reason for there to be a technical cut off.

Yes, its related to paranoia, but it feels like there should also be a more specific phrase for an extreme fear of strangers, "agoraphobic paranoid" could be fitting, but really weird how there isnt a specific stranger phobia.

#mental illness #mental health #phobia

[purplesmartass]

I have no clue WHY this happened but I got up on Saturday around 5 pm, I get up late on weekends, and me and my bf went to Walmart. I knew something was wrong when I couldnt keep up with him. I normally cant because I'm a slow walker, but I couldnt even try. I felt like my heart was racing and my brain was shutting down. I walked away from him and sat in the frozen aisle. I got back up and told him "I think I'm gonna pass out". I could barely keep my eyes open. He had to tightly put his arm around my waist and lead me to the car, I fell once inside the Walmart and almost again in the parking lot. I couldnt even tell when we were back at the truck because my eyes were just shut off. He had me lay down in the backseat, and I just pretty much inaudibly slurred out "get me the blue bell cookies n cream". I have never lived, or even been to a state that sells blue bell in the past decade. I have bunnies, my favorite animal is bunnies, I dont know why I didnt say blue bunny or why I was thinking about blue bell. But not only did he get it correct, but he also probably won a record for fastest grocery trip because I swear he ran in and back out in less than 5 minutes. I was feeling better once I laid down luckily so I was able to tell that he was lightning fast.

I have no clue if it was seizure related, I took my medicine like normal, I ate like normal, I wasnt sleep or food or drink deprived. My bf kept saying well did you take ur meds on an empty stomach. No, because I take them before I sleep , not after waking up. And even if I did, I had a slice of pizza after waking up.

[purplesmartass]

Jesus can heal you

Deadass when I was in the state psych hospital my family prayed for me at church during my uncle's wedding service. No joke 🙃. I'm not healed. Nor religious.

But if Jesus can tame dragons in testament apocrypha, I dont doubt his healing capabilities (in reference to the stories, I ain't religious so I believe he existed just not all the wizardry), but hes been dead for thousands of years so not really like he can try even if he did do all those ~miracles~.

[purplesmartass]

When I was a teen, due to severe mental illness and overmedication + the well known oral/teeth/gum destruction effects of certain anticonvulsants (luckily I'm now on vimpat which isnt harsh on the teeth as far as I know), my teeth were destroyed. After several years of being told it would take $50,000 to fix my teeth by many dentists (even with insurance) and being turned away for being too complex of a case by others, I finally got my teeth fixed at a great rate by my current dentist ($6,000 total which my bf offered to pay half the cost). The difference is night and day. The one thing I never thought I'd get back is my teeth, and now I have them. Except the one baby tooth that was pulled bcuz there was no adult tooth under it lol, I actually had 2 baby teeth on both sides (bottom), the other one was taken out 2 or so years ago.

Before

(this is the only before picture I have, this is older than when I got a ~unfinished~ root canal that failed bcuz all of the infection wasnt removed, it didnt have a crown just practically a hollow tooth, and my former dentist refused to finish, causing a giant cracked gap between my front teeth, it was so bad another dentist said itd have to be pulled but luckily they were wrong and my current dentist fixed it. and due to the angle/shitty phone quality it doesnt look as bad as it was)

After

[purplesmartass]

[purplesmartass]

NTs say we’re “babies” for being picky eaters. But they’re the ones who throw fits over it.

Autistic person: I don’t like spicy food.

Allistic person: OMG!!!! JUST DIE!!!! YOU ARE SUCH A CHILD!!!!

Who is the one out-of-control here?

[purplesmartass]

[purplesmartass]

love how sometimes i’m like “oh, i should put this somewhere safe so i don’t lose it and know exactly where to find it later!” and about a month later i’m standing in my ransacked room trying to get into past me’s mindset like some kinda amateur historian on one of those history channel treasure hunting shows trying to get into the mind of a nineteenth century pirate to figure out where they hid some possibly nonexistent apocryphal loot

[purplesmartass]

[purplesmartass]

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