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me: [at work, ringing up two parents and their toddler who’s sitting in the cart trying to get their attention]

toddler, quietly, waving hands around: [incomprehensible]

mom: what?

toddler, even quieter: [incomprehensible]

dad: you gotta speak up, bud

toddler, at full volume: FUCK.

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If you would report an undocumented immigrant to ICE you would have reported me to the Nazis and I don’t fucking trust you

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A good sign to find hanging above any doorway.

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Mulan (1998)

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i had a dream that the latest meme was attributing all human achievement to a little league baseball team. like “wow, the pyramids of giza are stunning! those boys sure are talented, building pyramids to raise money for their trip to regionals!”

“its really incredible that the redhawks synthesized penicillin and invented vaccination. not as incredible as their 12-2 season record, though!”

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Legend

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not japanese so maybe I'm outta line here but ... is saying smth is certainly japanese bc of the aura alone racist?

i was basing it on the fact japan has produced, among other things

square watermelons

a long egg

alcohol and tobacco vending machines

a rabbit island created by secret government experiments 

and for no conceivable reason, a penis festival. 

if it was a white guy holding a glazed donut hamburger w/ a side of deep fried twinkies, i would take a wild guess and say that emits an ominously american aura 

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OMG

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Researchers have used Easter Island Moai replicas to show how they might have been “walked” to where they are displayed.

VIDEO

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I saw this and thought of @fleamontpotter.

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Conditional Immortality of Lobsters

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I gave a blow job today