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[silicon-based life form sci-fi author voice] yeah so this galactic civilization, they’re made from carbon, so they have bones. their leader is the uh, high bonespeaker, rules from the seat of their government, the big skull

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Is Jurassic Park a slasher movie? Like do we consider that horror

#I’m trying to figure out what my first horror movie was #tbh it follows the same format #there’s so much death and gore in it

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magic is real you fools it happens when you make other people laugh

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stop doing coke with these jokes and come smoke crackula with dracula

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The landlord fears the urban oyster mushroom farmer

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MASSIVE NEWS FOR LINGUISTS: the sphinx of black quartz has just befriended the quick brown fox and the lazy dog.

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You couldn’t form a band like “Boyz II Men” nowadays. The woke police would forcibly feminize them to be Boyz II Women. *slams fist* this is because we don’t sacrifice goats to golden statues of Christ in elementary schools anymore. They took this from you.

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New snoot goofin

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got so high I got scared and had to get out of the car to calm down and a coyote immediately sprinted out of the underbrush and stalked towards me

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i love this stupid fucking tweet it sounds like new wave lyrics

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does anybody else remember that reality show where they gaslit a bunch of americans into thinking they were competing to marry prince harry but it was really just some guy

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Ra ra Rizzputin, lover of the Russian Queen.

#not funny and I’m sorry #lol #inspired by something I said to my roommate #Rasputin #Anastasia #boney m #russia

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Me if I were a dog