Hey, firstly I just wanted to say thank you for answering this (and happy pride month)! Also, I'm cupio(bi)romantic. I just want to know, is it normal to feel bad about not feeling romantic attraction? I sometimes really want a girlfriend but at the same time, a lot of aspects of romance really make me uncomfortable (kissing mainly). I think I'd want a girlfriend in the future, but would it be a relationship if I don't like a lot of romantic things like pet-names or kissing at all? Thank you!
Happy pride month!
It sounds to me like you have some internalized arophobia about not feeling romantic attraction. Lots of aros (including me) have felt this, and I find that one of the best ways to deal with it is to acknowledge it and talk about it. Society hypes up romance so much, as this magical moment, this happy ever after, so if you’re aro, that sort of rhetoric can be really alienating and hurtful. But you’re not missing out on anything, because it’s usually overhyped, it’s not magical, it doesn’t lead to happy ever after. In a way, romantic attraction is kind of like sports: some people experience it and some people really like it, but there’s nothing wrong in acknowledging that it’s just not for you.
Have you heard of queerplatonic relationships (QPRs)? QPRs are a type of interpersonal relationship that can be a bit vague and confusing, but they’re nonromantic in nature and can (but don’t have to) include behavior one might find it romantic relationships like cuddling, living together, filing taxes together, raising children together, retiring together, etc, in addition to more “traditionally platonic” behavior like hanging out a bunch, trusting each other with secrets, etc. If you find that you’re kind of looking for a romantic relationship without the romance, you might find the idea of a QPR helpful. QPRs aren’t as widely known as romantic relationships, but they are just as “real” or official as romantic relationships, even though amatonormativity says otherwise.
Lastly, it’s not my place to tell you what labels to use, so no matter what, if you want to keep calling yourself cupioromantic, that’s fine. At the same time, if you found the idea of a QPR really helpful, and you decide that you want a QPR but not a romantic relationship, and this decision leads you to stop identifying as cupioromantic, that’s fine too.
Hope that helps, as always feel free to ask for clarification/any follow up questions.