ragingratbastard

[ragingratbastard]

weed isnt real and you cant smoke it

[ragingratbastard]

Your straight male friends after two beers: "Hgey man can I smell your hair"

Your friend with the haunted shamisen: [plucks a baleful chord of ill portent]

[ragingratbastard]

Honestly we poke fun but it would be sad as hell to have to kill your sensei

[ragingratbastard]

ive never been more committed to anything in my life than ive been to laziness.. my first love..

#montenegro commandments

[ragingratbastard]

[ragingratbastard]

do u wanna come over and play drugs

[ragingratbastard]

guy tries to toss a cigarette on the ground but the ground parries it and it flies back into his mouth and he solemnly continues to smoke it

[ragingratbastard]

real life society: we need to ban tiktok because china is evil

my ideal society: new species of deer was just discovered in Peru. it is shown on all news channels and the entire population spends the day discussing & reflecting on life's diversity, people are let off work early

[ragingratbastard]

[ragingratbastard]

[jeering] you are so gay you would suck dick for a bus pass and then walk to the gay penis sucking convention

[suddenly really serious] and I respect that.

[ragingratbastard]

Universe B is a place where the most popular Soft Cell song is Sex Dwarf and not Tainted Love

[ragingratbastard]

me: hey franz, my 1 foot tall effeminate german elf/gnome roommate, did you remember to get oat milk from the store today

franz:

me: ty man. text me next time you go to the store in case i need something, i’ll venmo you

franz:

[hours later]

me: franz i’m really sick that oat milk was unlabeled did you fucking buy dragonfly milk again and not tell me

franz:

#gif

[ragingratbastard]

In my restless dreams I see that shit

[ragingratbastard]

1 thing about me I'm gonna be a sweetie

[ragingratbastard]

you can tell the crystal healing stuff has merit bc a spiritually active chunk of quartz costs like twice as much as a regular one. if they didn't do anything, the market would have resolved this inefficiency

[ragingratbastard]

chopped judge: as delicious as this prawn reduction is I can’t help but feel that your soul is absent from your movements, and that your entire life is but a performance for my entertainment

chopped chef: thank you chef

[ragingratbastard]

Building my ziggurat will fix me