maybe in another life | bucky barnes drabble
summary: in the wake of your boyfriend's disappearance, you find comfort in his best friend.
word count: 341
pairing: bucky barnes x reader
tags: angst, hurt/comfort, mentions of steve rogers x reader
The sadness comes in waves.
It's always there, under the surface, lapping at your insides like seafoam drags along the shore. Misting your ankles white. Sometimes, the current is stronger and the sadness overtakes you in a rush, drenches you in its intensity, and on these days nothing can give you comfort save for him.
Without him, you think, you might not even be alive.
Physically, maybe, you would be. But certainly not on the inside, not where it really matters. Steve's disappearance had left a gaping hole in your heart, had torn the tissue wide enough for your fist to fit through and made it so that you couldn't be stitched back together. Not without some gaps, anyway.
You're full of gaps.
You're riddled with them, actually—holes of different sizes and shapes, of he left me and he didn't tell me he was leaving. Of I loved him but he loved someone else. Of why couldn't I have been enough? And then Bucky had stepped in—his best friend—and smoothed over your gaps like spackle, and now you're covered in pink splotches but at least you're semi-whole again. At least you're not fighting to breathe amongst the starfish.
At least you're in his arms.
Those lovely arms—one metal, one flesh—tucking you into his chest like you are a cherished thing, a precious thing. And he holds you in the same way Steve held you, but it's not the same, it's different, because Steve never touched you like this. Like he was afraid you'd blow away. Dandelion fluff, carried by the summer breeze.
Steve never whispered assurances against your skin, hot breath curling down the length of your spine, because he knew he'd never lose your love. Even whilst he ran away from it.
But Bucky does.
In the darkness, Bucky says, I love you.
In the darkness, he says, I will never leave you.
And in the darkness, he asks, do you miss him? But what he really means is, am I enough to replace him?
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