random-family-quotes

[random-family-quotes]

“You cannot morally pull someone off the street and harvest their organs”

#sister #debates

[random-family-quotes]

“I’m sure there’s fanfic about it somewhere, but I’m not desperate enough to look for Twilight fanfiction”

-My sister

#sister #fanfic #fanfiction #twilight

[random-family-quotes]

“Where did your uterus go?”

“Oh, the dogs using it as a pillow.”

#mom #good neighbors #funny post #funny #out of context #context is for cowards #context is for the weak

[random-family-quotes]

“I get my covid vaccine next week, considering my sister got really sick from hers and my immune system has a panic attack at the sight of a germ, I don’t have a whole lot of hope.”

#viva #covid2020 #covid vax

[random-family-quotes]

“Well, I guess my questions are about as specific as your answers.”

-My ceramics teacher, disappointed in our answers to his question, which varied from 14 to 2000

#oof #ceramics #teacher

[random-family-quotes]

A (probably incomplete) list of weird things I’ve looked up in the last week:

Iconic Mushrooms

Obscure Ceramics Terms

What state is DC in

bunny

Cockle

Five foot eleven

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome

Definition of insomniac

rat poison kill people

Moral quotes

Life quotes

Inspirational quotes

212 degrees

1929

twins the shining

Donner Party

#not a quote #search history #weird #mushrooms #donner party

[random-family-quotes]

Dad: Oh the marshmellows went stale :(

Me: Yeah those are from like- 2 months ago at least

Me: ...Actually, those are from 4th of july!

Dad: Eh

Me: It’s FEBRUARY!

Dad: Eh

#viva #dad

[random-family-quotes]

Mom: yeah I have a favorite burner

Me: is it the one in the front on the left?

Mom: yeah

Me: that’s a good burner

Mom: it is a good burner

#mom #viva

[random-family-quotes]

*watching criminal minds*

He’s just sitting there criss-cross like it’s kindergarten

#sibling

[random-family-quotes]

What’s my favorite animal?

-my dear mother

#mom

[random-family-quotes]

I’m on hold with a company...

The estimated wait time is under 14 minutes

*1 minute later*

The estimated waiting is under 16 minutes

*another minute later*

The estimated wait time is under 18 minutes

#on hold #viva

[random-family-quotes]

Mom, if you’re gonna read this post, I don’t want to hear whatever talk you might want to have with me about it. I’m upset and I’m posting about it.

Mom: *gets me out of bed at 1:15 AM insisting I need to walk the dogs, even though I already took them for their last walk, it wasn’t even supposed to be my turn, and neither of the dogs are acting like they need to go out when I go into the living room*

Me: *very annoyed for obvious reasons*

Mom: drop the attitude

Me: *walks dogs, neither of them do anything*

Me: Neither of them went. Whatever they apparently want, it’s not this. I’m going back to bed

Mom: take a chill pill. Maybe you should actually try to sleep

I actually feel like crying right now I’m so upset

#mom if you see this don’t mention it I don’t want to hear it #mom #viva #vent post #aaaah yes. cause the persistent insomnia is a choice

[random-family-quotes]

*talking about Harry Potter*

Sister: I smell corruption. That corruption has a beard

#sister #harry potter #i hate dumbledore #dumbledore bashing

[random-family-quotes]

Shoutout to my mom who is currently writing the 4th page of a response to her mom’s friend, who said women cannot achieve salvation if they do not marry and bear children. She is not planning on stopping at 4 pages and I fear she will fill half the notebook

#mom #not a quote

[random-family-quotes]

Mom: *planning out quotes to say if we have to introduce people*

Mom: what about “I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity”? Who should we do that for? [person 1], [person 2], [person 3], [important person that we both hate but have to put up with], or [person 4]?

Me: ¬‿¬

Mom:...

Me: ¬‿¬

Mom: You want to do it for [important person we both hate but have to put up with] don’t you?

Me: yep

#mom #viva #no one in my family likes her #i don’t #my sister doesnt really care #my mom hates her #my grandma hated her #she also doesnt like my mom and grandma #she would probably not like me if she ever figured out who my mother is

[random-family-quotes]

“Would I really be a Washingtonian if I didn’t stop to take pictures of the mountain I see everyday?”

#washington #mt rainier

[random-family-quotes]

Me: *Walks into room*

Sister: *is holding out [mom]’s bag of sour gummy worms and laughing*

Mom: *looking at [sister] weirdly*

Me: what’s going on?

Sister: I asked mom if I could consume her worms

Me: *reaches out for gummy worms*

Sister: NO! You must ask if you can consume her worms

Me: *turns to mom* Can I consume your worms?

#viva #sister #mom