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I think.. I KNOW I’m getting worse.. dark thoughts have returned.. stuck in bed.. eyes hurt from crying.. I don’t know for how long I can fight

Dec 11 2022

#tw: suidice #personal #redmarker2611 #mental health

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I want to cry, I feel as if my mind is screaming at me SHUT YOURSELF DOWN YOU MISERABLE WASTE OF BREATH! .. I can’t fight it ..

I want to cry now.. but I can’t .. my family doesn’t know I’m in therapy and on meds.. they don’t believe in psychiatry and believe that mental illness comes from lack of prayer! .. therefore I can’t tell them

I feel so small.. I’ll be 30 in march and I haven’t achieved anything .. I barely survived..

I hate feeling like I’m the charity case among my circle.. not that I’m not grateful for their help.. if it wasn’t for them I’d be gone by now.. but the feeling of constantly needing help, without having the energy to help myself..

I don’t know why I’m still here..

Dec 11 2022

#redmarker2611 #mental health #personal

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Today the feeling of hopelessness overwhelms me.. I see all those studios and agencies that I want to work with and i feel that I don’t deserve collaborating with them.. I feel that my work isn’t good enough and they would never choose me .. even in local job openings.. yet I don’t have the energy to develop my skills..

I’m really tired .. I know I will have to fight .. but I’m tired.

Dec 10 2022

#redmarker2611 #personal #mental health

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4th &5th day and the bad feeling worsens!! The visit at dad’s was super stressful.. but it must be done for god and allowance! Since my parents divorced and fridays became so heavy I wished I’d never wake up in one!

I think I’m having ADHD .. I can’t concentrate on one task at hand -such as writing this entry for example- I get waay distracted by other things around me .. or get busy doing a totally different and unrelated thing to the original task!!

Even though .. I hope it’s just lack of vitamins

Dec 10 2022

#redmarker2611 #personal #mental health

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I always get that feeling that I’m useless.. I think that comes from the constant mistakes I make, especially at work! Or when I’m given instructions… I have no control on that ..

I remember being always told to “concentrate” but I never knew how to! My parents thought I was doing it on purpose.. they still do tbh .. I get distracted too easily I could stare at TV for HOURS on end while I’m working on something then realise that I’ve spent so much time doing little or nothing .. I have always blamed myself for that .. but I can’t help it!

Dec 8th 2022

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This is the 3rd day sleeping for more than 12 hours and waking up with the worst feeling possible, unable to finish the work I have to do, or even get out of bed.. as if my body is too heavy to move .. I haven’t skipped a day in meds .. I’m not comfortable with that…

Dec 8th 2022

#redmarker2611 #personal #mental health

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Hi, there!

I’m still alive, thanks for asking.. it’s been a while since I last posted art here, can’t get the time zone right .. there’s so much has happened since I last posted here.. therefore I’ll be using this blog to “track my feelings” as my therapist advised..

nobody needs to worry.. nobody needs to read or react to them .. I’ll try and be careful though with my word selections, and add a warning if needed.

Over and out.

#redmarker2611 #personal #mental health

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Iconic

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I see no difference

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Something odd about The Sandman Netflix series is that it looks like Morpheus makes a conscious effort to avoid consuming food and drink. In the comics, while he was caged, he was starving.  He won’t die from hunger but he felt it.  That line Hob said in Men of Good fortune about what it’s like to not eat but not die from it- Morpheus experienced that in his imprisonment.  In the comics, once Morpheus escaped, the first thing he did was raid a dream buffet before conjuring clothing.  

I think if they had left in the fact that he was starved and hungry it would have tied well with his conversations with Hob.  Also a certain line would really have helped, since there are fans who think a hundred years is nothing to someone like him…  Morpheus literally tells us in the first issue that “Time moves no differently for my kind than it does humanity.  And in prison it crawled at a snail’s pace.”

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lucienne my BELOVED

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same energy

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morpheus this.. the corinthian that.. we all know that the REAL sandman sexy man is merv pumpkinhead

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Netflix’s The Sandman by Dan Schkade

“I hadn't followed the production of the show at all and had no idea who was playing Death, so when she showed up I was like OH okay so they hired literally the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, dynamite!”

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Hob could have simply written the new address here but no, he decided to spray paint an arrow all the way from the old tavern to the New Inn just in case because it’s been 700 years, he knows how dense Morpheus is.

And he literally named the new place The New Inn to be extra sure

I love them

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Lucifer from Netflix’s The Sandman by twee_doodles

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Dream moping more than Death........😂