releasing-my-insanity

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I was a security guard at a major art museum

Over the course of my time there: -A woman came in with a skirt made of neckties. Just. Neckties, all strung together to make a skirt. She had leggings on underneath, thank god. -Been asked for the Mona Lisa -Been asked for the Sistine Chapel -Been asked where the dinosaurs are -Been asked where the animals are -Been asked for “The Bitch With The Pitcher” (Vermeer’s “Woman with a Water Pitcher,” by the way)

-Been asked for “The Girl With The Pearl Earring”

-Been asked for the Mona Lisa

-Got bored and learned the name of every single one of the Buddhas

-Got bored and learned the name of five Chinese dynasties (long day in Asian Art)

-Chilled in the Buddha room

-Watched someone escorted out for trying to take a nude photo in the Arms and Armor section

-Been asked for the Michelangelo’s, then the Raphael’s, then the Leonardo’s, then the Donatello’s (they were naming ninja turtles) -Heard curator in Musical Instrument section play Night On Bald Mountain on giant historical pipe organ while laughing maniacally.

-Fielded a day when a filthy counterfit version of the museum program was disseminated among visitors, guiding them to the filthiest art in the museum – such as the painting of Cupid peeing on Venus

-guarded Cupid peeing on Venus

-Been asked for the Mona Lisa

-Been asked if I had seen the First Lady of Mexico (she had gone missing)

-Been asked for that one sculpture of Kronos that is featured in Percy Jackson WHICH DOESN’T EXIST GUYS (directed children to sculptures of Poseidon with trident instead, children were very happy)

-Witnessed two Secret Service Agents get into a swordfight with pieces of packing material.

-been asked by a very polite Fransiscan monk in full brown robes if he had found ‘One of us. He has gone missing.” -Found missing monk and returned him to the herd

-Coworker was asked for the Ark of the Convenant

-Same coworker was asked for the Baseball Hall of Fame

-stopped about 15,000 people from poking that one lion statue in the nuts -saw a woman in a banana suit with banana shoes take a picture in front of an Egyptian temple

-Been asked for the Mona Lisas (plural) 

I’ve got more but this is what I remember for now.

#Amazing #Stuff that doesn't fit another category

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It's okay if it takes a little longer than you thought.

#I love my followers

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[Image description: Many pandas climbing the same tall and skinny tree. The image is very long.]

#Animals #Pandas

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Morning Fog, 1909 - oil on canvas. ― Józef Rapacki (Polish, 1871-1929)

#I love this so much #Pretty

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You know what the Monkees need? To be friends with another band that's four butch lesbians. Think how many problems they could solve that way. "Davy's been kidnapped in a haunted house." *Four butch lesbians picking up heavy wrenches.* "We've got this."

#The Monkees #Mine

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A few more filming pictures I've found.

First image from here (Facebook link).

All other images from here (Facebook). Also available here (Instagram).

A few thoughts under the cut.

That first picture must be just after Tristan gets back. He's still carrying his bag.

It took me a second to be sure that was Helen in the green. For a brief moment I thought it was Maggie

That third picture. Somebody get Callum some sunglasses so he doesn't have to squint.

Why does Callum look just exactly like my cousin in that fourth picture?

Imogen looking adorable.

Is Samuel West using Siegfried's glasses to look at his phone? Lol.

Also his binoculars. 'Can't stop. Must birdwatch.'

Someone in the comments on the second post thought it was a funeral. Everyone's dressed WAY too colorfully for a funeral.

I think it's most likely the baby's christening. Which led to me jumping around excitedly chanting "Tristan for godfather."

#Spoilers #I guess #All Creatures Great and Small #ACGAS 2020 #Found by me

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"What would you make with this little set up? All will be revealed when #ACGAS returns to your screens for series 5!!!" - Jackie Sweeney, All Creatures' Hair and Makeup Designer/Supervisor (https://twitter.com/JackieSweens/status/1778385476925170137)

Okay gang, what do we think they needed ten eggs, a knife, a fork, brown mesh (I think that's what that is), a travel mug, and a small packet of K-Y Jelly to make?

#All Creatures Great and Small #ACGAS 2020 #Found by me #I looked it up on Wikipedia and K-Y Jelly was introduced in 1904 as a surgical lubricant. So I guess the characters would have access to it #Wikipedia also says it's used in special effects to make things look slimy. Not sure I want to know why they need slimy looking eggs...

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ACGAS 2020 headcanon that Helen and James wait to have Jimmy christened because they want Tristan to be godfather and they can't if he's not there.

#All Creatures Great and Small #ACGAS 2020 #Church of England website says that christenings can be held at any age. #It also says that there's a small service of thanksgiving that can be held instead of/as well as a christening. #So I like to think that Helen and James ask the vicar for that service for just them and the baby. #Then when Tristan and James are both home there's a proper christening. #(Just the three of them because they don't want to hold either service with some of the extended family but not all. #So they stick with just parents and baby.) #Mine #Queued

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[Image description: Bob Ross painting a lake, mountain, and trees with a closed caption reading "As long as you're learning, you're not failing." End image description.]

#Bob Ross #I love my followers

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I promise that you have time. You have time to create the life you want. You have time to discover who you are. it might look a little different than you expect, but you have the time you need to learn how to live 💜

#I love my followers

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Tristan is SO happy to see Helen in his birthday episode. I swear he loves her even more than James does.

#Not in the same way. But more. #All Creatures Great and Small #ACGAS 2020 #Seriously Tristan literally goes 'Helen! You're here!!' #While James is just sort of like Oh cool. Hey Helen. #Helen & Tristan #Mine

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[Image description: The Simpsons meme of Marge holding a potato and saying "I just think they're neat." Marge is labeled "Me." And the potato is labeled "Sheila and Brian Sinclair." End image description.]

#About me #Sheila Sinclair #Brian Sinclair #Sheila and Brian Sinclair

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Sheila and Brian Sinclair facts for their 80th anniversary.

Her: Sheila Rose Seaton (6 June 1916 - 10 March 2001) Hospital Almoner (Figured out how much people could pay and set up payment plans.) Daughter of a doctor. Born in Leeds but moved to Harrogate in 1939.

Him: Wallace Brian Vaughan Sinclair (27 September 1915 – 13 December 1988) Veterinarian, eventual head of the Veterinary Investigation Centre in Leeds. Son of a crofter. Born in Harrogate.

Together: Probably met in church, though that is conjecture. Married 20 April 1944 at St. Robert's Church in Harrogate. Brian shipped out with the Royal Army Veterinary Corps four months later and was stationed in India for a year and a half before being demobilized a few months after the war ended and returning home to Sheila.

For a few years post-war they lived in Inverness Scotland for Brian's work, until he was offered a transfer to the Leeds office. They lived in Harrogate for the rest of their lives. In later years, Brian did a number of talks around Britain and in the US. Sheila often accompanied him. They had three daughters together: Anthea, Christine, and Diana.

Here is a colorized image of Sheila and Brian at a conference in San Antonio Texas where he gave a speech.

#Also Alf Wight was splitting the money from the movie and the show among himself Brian and Donald so Sheila and Brian were doing very well. #Sheila Sinclair #Brian Sinclair #Sheila and Brian Sinclair #Mine

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Call out post for myself. (Original Image)

#Sheila Sinclair #Brian Sinclair #Sheila and Brian Sinclair #Not that anyone asked but their wedding date is April 20 1944. Their daughters are Anthea Christine and Diana. #And their full names were Sheila Rose Seaton Sinclair and Wallace Brian Vaughn Sinclair. #Mine

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I want to write a movie that is sort of the flip side of a Hallmark holiday movie. Not an anti-Hallmark movie, just like the other side of the same coin.

It starts with a well-dressed professional woman driving a convertible along a country road, autumn foliage in the background, terribly scenic. She turns onto a dirt road/long driveway, and stops next to a field of Christmas trees, all growing in neat, ordered rows, perfectly trimmed and pruned to form. She steps out of the car--no, she's not wearing high-heels, give her some sense!--and knocks on the door of a worn but nice-looking farmhouse. An older woman, late fifties maybe, answers the door, looking a bit puzzled. The younger woman asks if she can buy a Christmas tree now, today. The older woman says they don't do retail sales--and the younger woman breaks down crying.

Cut to the two women sitting at the kitchen table with cups of tea. The young woman (Michelle), no longer actively crying, explains that her mother loves Christmas more than anything, but is in the hospital with end-stage cancer. Her doctors don't think she'll live to see December, let alone Christmas. Nobody is selling Christmas trees in September, so could the older woman please make an exception, just this once? The older woman (Helen) regretfully explains that they have a contract to sell their trees that forbids outside sales. The younger woman nods, starts to stand up, but the older woman stops her with a hand and asks her what hospital her mother is in. After she answers the older woman says that "my Joe" will deliver a tree the next day. "Contract says I can't sell you a tree, but nothing says I can't give you one."

Next day "Joe" shows up at the hospital in flannel and jeans, with a smallish tree over her shoulder. Oh, whoops, that's Jo, Helen's daughter, short for Joanna, not Joe. Jo sets up the tree and even pulls out a box of lights and ornaments. Mother watches from hospital bed with a big smile as Jo and Michelle decorate the tree. Cue "end of movie" type sappiness as nurses and other patients gather in the doorway, smiling at the tree.

Cut to Michelle sitting in her dark apartment, clutching a mug of tea, staring out at the falling snow and the Christmas lights outside. Her apartment has no tree, no decorations, nothing. She starts at a knock on the door, goes to open it. Jo is standing there, again holding a tree over her shoulder.

Plot develops: the second tree is a gift, because Michelle might as well get it as the bank. The contract for the tree sales was an /option/ contract, which prevents them from selling to anyone else, but doesn't guarantee the sale. The corporation with the option isn't going to buy the trees, but Helen and Jo can't sell them anywhere else, and basically they get nothing. They'll lose the farm without the year's income. Michelle asks to see the contract and Jo promises to email it to her.

Next day at a very upscale law firm, Michelle asks at the end of a staff meeting if anyone in contract law still needs pro bono hours for the year. No one does, but a senior partner (Abe) takes her to his office and asks about it. She says the contract looks hinky to her ("Is that a legal term?" "Yes.") but contract law's not her thing. He raises an eyebrow and she grins and pulls a sheaf of paper out of her bag and hands it over. He reads it over, then looks up at her. "They signed this?"

More plot develops. Abe calls in underlings--interns, paralegals, whatever--and the contract is examined, dissected, and ultimately shredded (metaphorically). It's worse even than it looks--on January 1st Helen and Jo will have to repay the advanced they received at signing. The corporation has bought up a suspicious number of Christmas tree farms in previous years after foreclosure, etc.

Cut to Abe explaining all this to Helen and Jo while sitting with them and Michelle in a very swanky conference room. The firm is willing to take on the case pro bono, hopefully as a class's action suit for other farmers trapped by the contract--but there's no way it can go to court before January. Which will be too late to save the farm's income for the year. They might get enough in damages to tide them over, but….

After Michelle sees Helen and Jo out, she comes back and asks Abe if there's anything they can do immediately. Abe looks thoughtful for a long moment, then gets a really shark-like grin on his face. "Maybe…."

Cut to Helen wearing a bathrobe, coming into her kitchen in the morning. She looks out the window…and there's a food truck stopped in her driveway. She pulls a coat on over her robe and goes out--two more trucks have pulled up while she does this. Driver of the first truck asks her where they park. Another truck pulls up behind the others. Behind that is a black BMW--Abe rolls down the window and waves. Helen directs the trucks to the empty field/yard next to the house. Abe pulls up next to Helen's car and Jo's truck and parks. He and Michelle get out--Abe wearing a total power suit, Michelle in weekend casual.

The case will be easier if the corporation initially sues them for violating the (uninforcible!) contract, rather than them suing to corporation (damn if I know, but it's movie logic). So they're going to sell the trees now, and rounded up some food trucks and whatnot to draw people in.

Cue montage of Jo and Michelle running around helping people set up while Abe and Helen watch from the kitchen table. The table starts out covered in file folders…and slowly gains coffee cups and plates of cinnamon rolls. It becomes increasingly clear here that Abe and Helen are becoming as close as Jo and Michelle.

Everything gets set up and a very urban, very motley crowd appears--tats and studs and multiracial couples and LGBTQ parents and everything--and everyone is having a wonderful time eating funnel cake and choosing their tree so Jo and a bunch of rainbow-haired elves can cut it for them. At which point someone shows up from the corporation (maybe with a sheriff's deputy?) and starts yelling at Helen, who's running checkout. And suddenly Abe appears from the house and you realize why he's wearing that suit on a Saturday….

Cue confrontation and corporate flunky running off with their tail between their legs, blustering about suing. Cue Jo kissing Michelle. Cue Helen walking over and putting a hand on Abe's shoulder and smiling at her.

I want the lawyers to be the heroes because they are lawyers and know the law. I want a lesbian who lives in the country with her mother. I want urbanites to turn out as a community to help someone who isn't even part of their community. I want Michelle to keep working at her high-power job, loving Christmas and grieving her mother.

#Oh wow. #This is incredible #Long post #Stuff that doesn't fit another category

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In honor of their 80th anniversary (Married April 20 1944), here are three pictures of Sheila and Brian Sinclair taken from the American Association of Bovine Practitioners 12th Annual Convention in San Antonio, Texas on November 30 1979 where Brian was they keynote speaker.

The papers in the top picture are declaring Brian an "Honorary Citizen of Texas" and "Honorary Mayor of San Antonio" for a day.

Source

#Brian is the man on whom Tristan Farnon is based if anyone didn't know. #All Creatures Great and Small #Not the most accurate tag but it's most likely to be relevant there. #Brian Sinclair #Sheila Sinclair #Sheila and Brian Sinclair #Me at that second picture 'Leave it to Tristan to go all the way to Texas and immediately find a pub.' #You guys have NO idea how happy I was to finally see a picture of Sheila. #I'd seen Joan Wight (Helen) and I'd seen Audrey Sinclair (wife of 'real Siegfried') but I hadn't seen Sheila. #There are a couple other pictures of Brian in the article. But I only included the ones with Sheila. #Found by me

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Are you wearing the...?

Watching season 1 be like

#Season 1 Maggie has exactly two blouses and I love them both. #Realizing I can write image descriptions on the image and have the joke be in order for screen-readers is AMAZING. #All Creatures Great and Small #ACGAS 2020 #Maggie #Mine