rietvelds
SOFTLY, TENDERLY
cas, they/them, infj ― there are ten different ways to say sunset. the bartender says my face is wearing all of them.
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most of the foxes were self-destructive, whereas andrew seemed keen on collateral damage.
— ANDREW MINYARD from all for the game
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Something that was crucial to me being able to foster healthy relationships (platonic and romantic) was learning those around me aren’t mind readers.
Communicating honestly and effectively can allow people to be there for you. It can also allow you to work out conflicts in order to maintain long term relationships.
It might seem “wrong” to ask for your needs to be met. But it isn’t. In fact, usually our loved ones prefer us to be up front with our needs rather than hinting at them. (Hinting is exhausting for both parties and easily missed.)
Communicate your boundaries. “When you tease me about —-, it really upsets me. Please don’t do that anymore.”
Communicate what is working for you. “When you reach out to check in when I’m having a hard time, it really helps and makes me feel supported.”
Communicate what you need. “Things are really hard right now. I could use the company of a friend. Can I call you?”
A lack of communication can lead to relationships breaking. Resentment builds. Misunderstandings happen. Feelings get hurt.
But if you don’t tell your loved ones what you need, then it’s unfair to us and them to be upset at them for not reading your mind.
You are allowed to have needs and wants. And you are allowed to express them.
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i have the opposite of that “everyone is an npc” mentality people have embraced where i’m instead like. the person next to me in line has someone they can’t wait to go home to, the person picking up their mail has felt devastation before, everyone in this grocery store is doing their sunday shopping, maybe the person that just honked at me is having the worst day of their life, my neighbor has doctors appointments and favorite foods and a song they can’t stand to hear anymore… you are all fully realized complex people and that is overwhelming me on a spiritual level…
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hate how so much of adult friendship relies on updates, experiencing your life through pictures and tidbits. we had it good with childhood friends, could spend years and years basking in the same circumstance. now i just float through clouds of strangers, hungry for something solid and warm. yes i carry your heart within mine, yes i see the world through your eyes. but in that very moment i still feel alone, still know it's poor substitute for same room, twin smiles.
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