These past few weeks, I've been trying to heal myself. I thought, maybe, it's not about the absence of you, maybe, I was just craving attention. So, I said yes to anyone who asked me out on a date.
It was okay until the last date. This guy caught me staring for too long and took a picture of an ice skating arena, so he asked me if I wanted to go there, but I shook my head, and said, "Later.". He said, "Ok then, the next date we'll go ice skating!".
Then I realized, when I said later, I wasn't picturing myself to go ice skating with him, I was picturing you. In fact, I already opened your chatroom, about to send that arena picture to you.
Another realization came into my mind, the previous dates also were not okay. At all.
All these dates, all these attention, and all I can think about is you. This is suck.
After that, I cancelled the rest of the dates and asked my parents to go out with me instead, because I just can't stand spacing out inside my room, thinking about you.
My mom being my mom, she questioned my behavior. I told her that I just don't like to go on a date, I feel burdened, and she said that one day you'll found someone who will makes you excited to go on every single date possible with him, more than that you'll be the one who asked him out. Me being me, I just rolled my eyes and said, "Yeah, sure.".
Found this sound on TikTok, pulled me back on the right track.
Akhir-akhir ini rewel banget sama Allah, apalagi tiap selesai sholat. Tentunya masih protes masalah kamu— apa lagi yakan. Melalui sound ini, rasanya kaya diingatkan kembali, that I'm currently living a good life.
Tentunya aku masih akan terus bawel sama Allah tentang kamu heheh tapi semoga mulai kali ini tanpa marah-marah, no salty, dan dengan penuh suka cita.
Haloo! Maaf ya, aku lupa kalau sudah berjanji padamu. Akan merayakan setiap kali hatiku patah. Karenanya, aku dan kamu, sekarang kita lebih dekat satu langkah.
Terlalu banyak mementingkan orang lain ketimbang diri sendiri. Terlalu sering mengalah sampai di satu titik dimana kamu tidak tahu apa yang kamu inginkan. Apa yang benar-benar kamu inginkan. Bukan karena perasaan sungkan, bukan supaya orang lain senang. Tapi semata-mata hanya karena kamu ingin.
Terlalu biasa mengesampingkan apa yang kamu mau. Sampai pada titik ini. Saat ini. Saat dimana kamu tidak dapat menjawab satu pertanyaan sesederhana apa yang kamu mau?
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