rocksinmuffin

[rocksinmuffin]

Happy homestuck bangin' out the birthday tunes day

I’m agnostic

#ask #anon #rantsinmuffin #shitposting at the speed of light

[rocksinmuffin]

Hey Muffin, how's life goin?

Honestly? Life is really good right now.

I know I’ve been kind of silent on the blog for a while but that’s because I am kind of just enjoying life. I’ve recently been cleaning my house and getting rid of the clutter that has gathered for literal years because I am fantasizing about hosting friends over for DnDnD (dungeons and dragons and dinner) because a while back I started writing my own oneshot campaign that I wrote for from time to time and I want to DM it very badly.

I am still working on donation commissions in the backend and when I am fully up to date on those, I will start answering non-commissioned requests again. So. Expect that sometime soon, hopefully by next month.

Also every day I wake up next to my best friend and i consider myself so lucky to have found someone to share this lifetime with and I want to spend all of my time with her. So. Yeah.

#rantsinmuffin #ask #anon

[rocksinmuffin]

They are already selling data to midjourney, and it's very likely your work is already being used to train their models because you have to OPT OUT of this, not opt in. Very scummy of them to roll this out unannounced.

#I had to update the app but it works #long post #good luck fam

[rocksinmuffin]

back when you were doing obey me requests I asked if you could do a continuation of the reader accidentally summons the wrong demon (asmo instead of satan) request and IDK how I missed it! i only found it today when I was searching for another obey me request you did and i gotta tell you I love it! im totally okay w. there being no smut. i love how your write the om characters especially in your non smut fills (the bowling one and the one w. diavolo on the trampoline are some of my faves). i love imagining them in little everyday(?) scenarios like that. thank you!!

Awwwww that’s awesome! I’m really glad you liked it.

Honestly, while I might be known for writing nsfw now, my real writing roots have been and will always be comedy. I just like writing silly scenarios. Like, porn is great and so is pining but literally nothing is better to me than playing with my favorite characters like dolls and imagining them in stupid scenarios like working at the mall.

Like, yeah, I could write about Leviathan eating you out or I could instead write about being his plus one at an anime convention where a bunch of creepy men hit on him because he is crossplaying as Ruri-chan.

#ask #anon #rantsinmuffin #to this day the obey me bowling prompt is also one of my faves #nsfw #ish

[rocksinmuffin]

Thank you anonymous person for your kind donation to the Palestinian Children’s Relief Fund! And thank you for your patience while I wrote this because it has been a long time coming. I hope this was worth the wait. ❤️

~*~

You’ve seen him around from time to time at your job working the stables; the traveling minstrel with the sky blue feathers and the accordion that sings the prettiest songs you’ve ever head.

His name is Kass, though you’ve come to call him the songbird in private. You’ll take that bit of information with you to your grave, however, because not only is it cheesy and too familiar a nickname for a person you’ve never had a proper conversation with, you’re not entirely sure if calling him that would be considered a micro aggression.

So you keep all thoughts of pet names and fantasies of getting to know him better in the privacy of your thoughts where they belong. Your feelings for this stranger are likely fleeting and based on a persona you have imagined for him, so you keep them to yourself. Not all feelings must be acted on. You’d rather enjoy them on your own terms before they fade away.

He’s handsome, you’ll admit, in a way that’s completely foreign from the fair-skinned and leanly-muscled Hylian men you usually fall for. You don’t know what is considered attractive by Rito standards but you think his feathers are a beautiful color and that he has a rather handsome profile. But more so than his looks, It’s the music that draws you to him.

The accordion itself is fascinating. When he plays it, it sounds like it’s alive. Every expansion of the bellows is like a deep inhale of breath. Every compression, an exhale of beautiful sound.

It doesn’t feel like it’s an instrument being played at all. It sounds like it’s singing.

Someone who can play songs that sound like that must be someone who is deeply thoughtful and romantic and passionate. He must be. And in your fantasies, he is.

It’s been weeks since the last time he visited the area but he still manages to stay on your mind. You find yourself humming one of his songs as you brush the dark-haired mane of a mare brought in earlier today. You don’t know the name of the song—you’ve never asked—but it sounds like a lullaby.

You find it soothes the horses, but more than that you simply find the melody pleasant. It’s one of the songs he plays most often and it has become one of your favorites.

But then you hum the final chord and instead of repeating the same song over, you try to recall one you heard him play recently. You’d only heard it once but you remember how it made you feel to hear it for the first time, how it made your stomach flutter and your body feel light as the music swayed you along with its rhythm. You hum a a few bars, trying to remember the exact sound.

You pause your humming for a moment; the last bit didn’t sound quite right. Perhaps you hit it a little too high? You try again but still it doesn’t sound the way you think it should.

“Now how does that next bit go again?”

You jump in place as the next notes play thunderously loud, your overreaction causing the horse to rear back on its hind legs. You soothe the spooked mare, brushing your hand down the length of her nose as she settles before you turn around with a glare.

“You shouldn’t sneak your on people like that! A spooked horse can be deadly!” Never mind that the horse was more spooked by you than him. Truthfully, you’re not even mad; you’re just so embarrassed to have been caught humming one of his songs, you’d rather embrace the spark of anger that heats in your blood before it gives way to hot humiliation.

“I apologize,” he says, though the twinkle in his eyes tells you he’s not all that apologetic. You don’t call him out on it because you both know he doesn’t have much worth apologizing for in the first place. “When I hear an unfinished tune, I cannot help but to complete it. It’s in a musician’s nature. But I’ll try to be more mindful in the future.”

“Good,” you say, tone clipped, thinking that’s the end of it, but when you expect him to leave he simply begins to play the song from the beginning.

You spend the rest of your shift avoiding eye contact with him as you continue to care for the horses.

~*~

You thought you might try to avoid ever being near him again ever since you embarrassed yourself, but the songbird seems to have other plans. Whenever he is in the area he always finds a spot close to where you’re working before hunkering down and beginning to play his music.

You’re mad at first, but you can only be upset for so long when he’s playing the most beautiful music you have ever heard. You forget entirely about your embarrassment as you clean out the stables, head bobbing to the rhythm of the song while you sweat and work.

As time passes, you become accustomed to his presence. The days when he is traveling elsewhere are far too quiet and your humming is a poor substitute for the beautiful music you have grown to expect accompanying you while you work.

It’s a relief that he always returns days later, playing a familiar tune as if he had never left.

You come to learn your songbird is quite talkative. When he isn’t filling the air with song, he fills it with conversation.

Sometimes he tells stories that have been passed down from years. Sometimes he talks of the many beautiful places he has traveled. More recently, he’s begun talking about himself, and these are your favorite stories to hear of all. You’re glad to learn more of who Kass really is, not the stranger you imagined him to be.

You’re surprised when you find out he’s married. With children, no less!

“Five daughters,” he tells you with a twinkle in his eye and a tone that feels almost like bragging. He’s beaming with pride.

It figures. All the good men are taken. “You must miss them terribly,” you say, trying to hide your disappointment.

“Every single day,” he answers and he sounds sincere.

If he misses his family so much, then why is he here with you?You can’t imagine his wife appreciates him spending all his time traveling Hyrule, but you like to think he must have a good reason for doing that instead of being home to help support her.

Still, as much as you have gotten to know Kass, you realize there’s still so much about him you don’t know. In some ways, he’s still a stranger to you.

“Do you have any children?” He asks and you have to use every ounce of willpower to not bark out a dry laugh.

“Absolutely not,” you say a little more harshly than you intend but Kass is not offended. If anything, he seems amused.

“Are you sure?” He asks, playful lilt in his tone. “No young ones out there from any late night rendezvous with your eyes and their mother’s smile? Or are you so certain you have no children because there are no late night rendezvous to speak of?”

“I’ve had plenty of late night rendezvous, thank you very much!” you answer a little louder than you intended, cheeks burning in embarrassment. This man has embarrassed you enough, there’s no way you’re going to let him tease you for being a virgin when it isn’t even true. “I just haven’t had any with anyone who could get pregnant.”

Kass makes a noncommittal hum, teasing in his tone. “I’m not sure I believe you.”

“Well, believe it. Unless you expect me to prove it to you somehow?”

“Maybe,” he replies with another teasing hum. His eyes are bright with mischief.

“Uh-huh,” you huff. “And how do you expect me to do that?”

You barely have the words out when his thumb is brushing against your jaw, moving up your chin until he’s just shy of brushing the feathery digit along your bottom lip. “How indeed,” he says, voice a little huskier than usual, and you can feel your adam’s apple bob as you swallow thickly.

You know he has a family back home. You should be the better man. But why should the responsibility fall on your shoulders when you aren’t the one with a wife and five daughters waiting for you in another village?

You should be the better man but you don’t want to be.

You hope if his wife ever finds out, goddess forbid, that she would understand. After all, she fell for his charms too. She should know more than anyone how irresistible and charming he can be.

~*~

You’ve never kissed someone with a beak before.

Technically, it’s less of a kiss and more of a gentle pressure against your mouth. A beak doesn’t have the flexibility that lips do. You suspect that this isn’t even a normal from of physical affection for the Rito people, but still he kisses you because he knows it’s something you want, something that makes you feel needed and loved.

When he pulls back, you feel hot and flushed, beads of sweat rolling down your forehead and chest rising and falling as you pant out shallow breaths. You know you must look like a hot mess and you can only feel yourself heating up even more as Kass stares down at you with a look of desire.

Then his gaze moves down to the throbbing hard-on standing tall between your legs and the heated look he gives you has nervously you biting on the inside of your cheek.

“I wish you could see how you look right now,” he tells you with hooded eyes and voice deep with desire. You can feel your cock twitch as he brushes his fingers down the line of your hip before settling to wrap around the width of your erection.

His hands feel incredible as they wrap around you; feather-soft touches that tingle against your flesh followed by confident strokes that have you jerking your hips to push further into his touch. He’s so dexterous: you wonder if this is a minstrel thing or if it’s a Kass thing but you can’t give it much thought with all the blood rushing from your brain down to your dick.

“You’re so hard for me,” he breathes hotly into your ear, beak teasingly nipping at your earlobe. “How long have you been thinking about doing this?”

Longer than you’re willing to admit. Thankfully Kass doesn’t seem too interested in getting a straight answer from you. He just keeps stroking you in a way that has you bucking into his touch while your hands desperately palm the outline of his erection straining against the fabric of his pants.

He’s playing you like an instrument. Every stroke of his fingers against you has a breathy sound leaving your lips; a grunt, a whimper. Your hips buck and the head of your cock is leaking pre-cum and one of your hand strays from his hard-on to reach for his belt.

He lets you fumble with his belt, one of his hands reaching lower between your legs, brushing past your balls to gently prod around the rim of your entrance before letting one of his fingers slowly sink in.

Your hands still for a moment, your breath shallow as you moan out his name and wriggle your hips to take him deeper. He’s already got a second finger inside and is gently stretching you open before you remember what you were doing and finally wrestle his belt off of him.

At the angle he’s holding you, you can’t look down to see him, but he’s hot and hard when you wrap your fist around him and begin to pump. The shape of him is a little different than what you’re used to, but he feels so hot and huge in your hand and you know you need to feel him inside of you or you’re going to pass out from need.

He laughs when you tell him as much, the sound as pretty as any song he’s ever sung or played for you, but he does not tease you any further. He pulls his fingers away from you, soothing your needy whines with a gentle peck of his beak against the corner of your mouth, before positioning himself between your legs and slowly sliding in.

You’ve never had anything quite as large as him inside of you before. You can feel your insides stretching to accommodate him with every inch that slowly inches deeper. When he’s fully sheathed you feel so full and the head of his dick is brushing against something inside that has your vision blurring.

“Fuck,” you gasp, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him closer so you can bury your face in the soft feathery down of his chest. Your legs wrap around his waist, squeezing him as tight and flush to your body as you can. You can feel the feathers of his body tickling against your nipples, feel the soft down against the sensitive head of your cock as you grind into his stomach.

Once again he wraps his fist around you, squeezing right near the base of your dick as he picks up the pace of his thrusts and starts fucking into you at a speed that has you seeing stars. He’s so big and he feels so good inside you and around you and every pleasures grunt he makes as he buries himself deep inside you sounds like music to you.

You whine his name as you cum, making a sticky mess against the feathers of his stomach and his hand. Kass doesn’t seem to mind; he works you through your orgasm, the movements of his fist and his hips steady until you’re so sensitive you can feel tears gathering in the corners of your eyes.

You feel his hips stutter and you know he’s close. You’re oversensitive but you press back into his thrusts, squeezing your muscles as tight around him as your tired body can manage until you feel him cum hot inside you with a shudder.

The two of you stay like that for a moment; air heavy with the scent of sweat and sex as you cling to each other and catch your breaths.

Kass recovers first. He brushes his fingers down the length of your cheek, your jaw, gaze tender. “You look so beautiful right now. I could write a song about you.”

You wonder what a song inspired by you might sound like. As beautiful as they are, some of Kass’ songs sound so sad to you. You hope that any song inspired by you wouldn’t sound like regret.

You keep that thought to yourself as you press into his touch, turning in his hold so your lips can kiss each of his fingertips.

#donation commissions #anon #sinning #the legend of zelda #legend of zelda #breath of the wild #kass #nsfw #reader insert #I like to think Kass and his wife have an open relationship for when he’s out in the road #and he just doesn’t tell you because he just assumes you know it’s cool lol #but I will tag this as #cheating #just in case #sorry I focused so much on kass’s potential infidelity but I could not ignore that he had a family #and honestly I think it is kind of thotty and based for reader to be a bit of a home wrecker #mreader #long post

[rocksinmuffin]

I took an edible last night and watched the second lord of the ring movie for the first time and I think I might be a lotr fangirl now?????

#rantsinmuffin #shitposting at the speed of light #like this is a shitpost but I am also serious #I had only ever seen the first movie before #and when I saw it in theaters I was literally so bored I fell asleep #but the second movie is so good #I just started shipping everyone

[rocksinmuffin]

#Autobots flirting #video #shitposting at the speed of light

[rocksinmuffin]

my scream was one of excitement and Maria’s was of fright

volume warning of course

#video #can confirm that when I joined in on the screaming it was truly out of shock and fear #shitposting at the speed of light

[rocksinmuffin]

Sorry but if Michelle pfieffer did this to me I would cum instantly

#reblogging from my high blog because this was very hirnybof me and it belongs here #nsfw #shitposting at the speed of light

[rocksinmuffin]

We fucked up cats isn’t on Netflix until Tuesday so we are watching the Tim Burton batman movie with Danny Devito and Michelle Pfeiffer

Without posting any details because I do not want to bum anyone out, I have been having one of the most stressful weeks I have ever had in over a decade so I want the people who are waiting on their commissions to know I HAVE been working on them and they WILL be out soon but also I am going to unhealthily cope today by getting edible high and watching the bad CATS 2019 musical and posting on my @adamsandgirl high blog because I need to shut my brain off but also do the funniest self harm possible

#which actually is a great idea #also guess who is feeling it mr krabs

[rocksinmuffin]

Without posting any details because I do not want to bum anyone out, I have been having one of the most stressful weeks I have ever had in over a decade so I want the people who are waiting on their commissions to know I HAVE been working on them and they WILL be out soon but also I am going to unhealthily cope today by getting edible high and watching the bad CATS 2019 musical and posting on my @adamsandgirl high blog because I need to shut my brain off but also do the funniest self harm possible

#rantsinmuffin #drug mention #I am joking about the last bit this is not self harm for me #it is still an unhealthy coping mechanism but fuck it I am over 30 years old and I am allowed to make bad decisions #I am also baking a fat batch of brownies right now because they are gonna be sooooo good when I am high

[rocksinmuffin]

I think Sunstreaker and I would be besties but in a mean gay way. He would make fun of the way I dress and I would make fun of the sad twinks he brings home for one night stands. We’d go on long road trips with David Bowie’s Greatest Hits blasting from the radio and he would nag at me for throwing trash in his backseat and I would get revenge on him by sneaking saltine packets in my pockets and then leaving crumbs in him. We would be life partners in a completely nonromantic way.

#rantsinmuffin #transformers #we would hate each other like family

[rocksinmuffin]

It's my personal (and very deranged) hc that K. Cold used to have a fling with Berryblue (thus making her unofficial adopted mum to Frieza) and thus I now have a hc that he has a thing for tiny old ladies lol (hide your Babas lol)

God you are so fucking right about that

That man is fucking grandmas

Wait

Bulma ‘s mom is a grandma…..

Uh oh 😈

#ask #anon #rantsinmuffin #shitposting at the speed of light #dragon ball #dbz #lol new otp #sorry if I sound weird #I’m high right now lo

[rocksinmuffin]

Thank you to @neverisadork for your donation! I hope you and the five other people who want to peg Macbeth from Disney’s Gargoyles enjoy this sad old man guilty wank.

~*~

Macbeth knows it’s wrong to think of you like this; to imagine you under him, legs wrapped around his torso with your thighs squeezing his waist. And even as his dick twitches against his palm he can’t help but be wracked with guilt.

He could list all the reasons why he shouldn’t be having these thoughts. For one, he’s way too old for you. He’s not just old enough to be your father, or even your grandfather; he’s old enough to be your ancestor. Even though you are an adult you have centuries less life experience than him. You and the rest of humanity might as well be children to him.

That doesn’t even compare to the guilt he feels when he thinks of his first love, of sweet Gruoch who he was forced to leave behind, first in Scotland, then in life. He knows he will never find another love like that, that her memory is the only comfort he will know, but the longer he loves the more it deteriorates. It’s been so long since he’s seen her face that he knows he’s begun to forget the details; the exact shade of her eyes, the wrinkles of her brow; and he fears what another century or two will do to what remains. If he were to fall for another, would her memory be replaced entirely? He couldn’t live with himself of that were to happen, yet he would be forced to.

But he’s been alone for so long. 900 years of watching the people around him be born and age and die before his eyes. 900 years of traveling and assuming false identities and keeping people at arm’s length so that they never learn the truth. 900 years of cursed immortality.

And in those 900 years, it is so rare that he meets someone who fascinates him the way that you do.

He knows better than to hope for anything real. He’s already tried his hand at love before and through tragedy and experience he has learned that he is fated to be alone. He’d rather not make any more attempts at romance and save himself the heartbreak.

But when he’s by himself like this, curtains drawn and room flooded with darkness with his closed fist pumping up and down his cock, he can at least pretend he isn’t.

He imagines a world where he is no longer soul bound to that wretched beast Demona and he is allowed to naturally live out the rest of his life. A life where he can marry again, have a family, grow old with someone who he can spend the rest of his life with. The fantasy of a normal life that destiny stole from him.

He pushes back the sick feeling in his stomach when he thinks about how much younger you are, how little resources you have in comparison to him, how the power imbalances in his favor when it comes to wealth and life experiences and how much any sort of relationship with you, imagined or otherwise, would feel like taking advantage. He will have plenty of time to hate himself when he’s done.

For now, he thinks about how lovely you would look with your eyes fluttered shut and your lips sweetly parted, small gasps of breath escaping you as he kisses a path down your bare neck past your chest to the burning desire between your thighs. He imagines the breathy way you would rasp out his name as you grip the hair at the base of his neck and grind desperately against his jaw. He imagines the way you would taste on his tongue as he laps at your sex until you are screaming then limp as you take in deep breaths to recover. He grins his teeth and hisses as he imagines you tugging him up by the hair for a desperate wet kiss so you can taste your own arousal against his lips.

Macbeth bucks into his hand. He’s so close. He imagines your teeth nipping at his earlobe as you tell him how much you want to feel him inside you and the fantasy has a hot trail of pre-cum dribbling from the tip of his cock.

He tries to lose himself in the fantasy, imagines your legs wrapping around his waist to hold him close as he presses inside you. His hands are a pale imitation of your warmth but they’ll have to do. He thinks about how soft your skin would feel against his, how the meat of your thighs would squeeze him and how your fingernails might dig bloody crescents into his shoulders as you hold onto him for dear life. He imagines you gasping and moaning and begging, whispering breathy I love yous in between frantic thrusts until your insides are clamping around him and you are begging him to cum with you, inside you.

Macbeth cums with a loud grunt, emptying himself and making a mess of his hands and his bedsheets, once again a lonely old man in an empty manor.

#sinning #neverisadork #nsfw #gargoyles #disney gargoyles #macbeth #guilty wank #reader insert #donation commissions

[rocksinmuffin]

Humanlike Pokemon typically wear flesh clothes. Enjoy that wonderful bit of cursed knowledge~

Believe me, buddy, I have already had this thought so many times

Both these men are naked

#rantsinmuffin #ask #anon #shitposting at the speed of light #pokemon #happy new year y’all

[rocksinmuffin]

Park Bites gets shoulder privileges.

#transformers #art #transformers art #tfp #transformers prime #shockwave #sfw art #she’s a boss bitch and that’s why she gets shoulder privileges #I bet she could make shockwave bark like a dog if she wanted

[rocksinmuffin]

*james somerton voice* in fact, in the 2010s Hasbro made history by canonizing valveplug, when the pioneering gay writer James Roberts made an impassioned defense before Hasbro's executive board

#shitposting at the speed of light #hey you are so funny can we kiss #nsfw #ish #transformers