rohzm

[rohzm]

I’m so depressed. I feel like I made a mistake by leaving him. I want him back. I want him in my life. I would throw away anything for him. If he came to me any day I would take him back in a heart beat.

[rohzm]

I just wish it could have ended differently. I just wish I said more, did more, made him feel like he was MORE. I made everything about me bc of how hurt I was in the past, that I was being selfish and didn’t consider his feelings. So, maybe I should be labelled as the bad guy, maybe his friends are right and I don’t deserve someone like him. I basically broke a whole person, and it’s killing me. I play myself out to be this nice person when I’m not. I love him with all my heart but I treat him like garbage, that’s not how you treat someone you love.

We’re broken up but I demanded all of these things as if we were together. I strung him along with all my uncertainly bc I didn’t know what the future held. I didn’t know how this religion situation would pan out. I did it bc I didn’t want to give him false hope but apparently that’s all I’ve been doing.

Like I literally broke a person..

[rohzm]

I’m fighting every urge to text him. I’ve never missed and mourned a person this much. He’s out of my life but it’s almost as if he’s dead. I’m missing someone who’s still on this earth and that hurts even more bc I know this is all my fault. I thought of every scenario possible, listened to podcasts, spoke to sheiks, there was no solution.

I think about him every single day of every single hour, minute, and second. I check up through socials just to make sure he’s okay. I need to know that he is okay. I care about his well-being way more than I care about my own. I’m okay suffering if that means he’s okay and happy.

I pray everyday that he achieves his goals, that he finds success. He deserves it more than anyone. My goodness I miss him so much….

Ro❤️

[rohzm]

Dear Devin,

Oh how I love you. Oh how I’m gonna miss you. I will not miss someone more than you. You deserve everything in this life. You are strong, you are great, you are kind, and you are you. I’m so sorry for how I treated you when I was hurting. I’m so sorry for being over emotional, for treating you like you’re dumb, for talking down to you, for treating you anything less than amazing. You have taught me so much, you have been there with me through it all, you always stuck by me. And I couldn’t thank you and apologize enough.

Dear Devin,

You deserve friends that love you, that treat you well, that ask about you when you disappear, that value you for who you are. I’m sorry for ever considering choosing those people over someone amazing as you. I was pathetic, I was attention hungry, and I was a joke, I had the real winner with me and I let you down. I’m so sorry for ever letting you down, I can’t imagine how you felt, I can’t imagine what I put you through. You were the victim not me, not anyone. I hope you find peace with the people that left you, I hope you find people who truly cherish you and love you.

Dear Devin,

You are so handsome, you are good looking as hell, I love your body, and I love you. You are SO attractive, you’re not fat! You’re a catch love! Anyone would be lucky to have you. I hate how you tear yourself down and thing that nobody will find you attractive when mashallah you’re soooo beautiful. You’re so beautiful. Anyone who doesn’t see that is crazy and I’m sure you’re going to make the next girl so so soooo happy bc she gets to stare at that beautiful face.

Dear Devin,

I wish you nothing but happiness and success. You’re going to be SO successful in the future. You’re gonna have everything you want. You’re gonna do it all love, and you’re going to be great at it. I always imagined you to be a professor. You’re so good at talking to people, you’re compassionate, loving, and SO smart! And I know you’ll be successful! You’re doing so much better than the people who left you, I just want you to know that. I know you think they’re excelling in life but they’re not love. YOU ARE WINNING! You are doing well. And I’m so incredibly proud of you. I’m so proud of you.

Dear Devin,

I love you so much. This is going to be the hardest thing to get through. But I know we’ll both be okay, we will get through this. We will be okay dev❤️

I love you sometimes,

Ro❤️

[rohzm]

My path.

Dear lost friends, 

It seems that every single time I see a picture, video, or moments you are all having together I go into a bad mental state. I could be having the time of my life, or completely forget about it but the second something reminds me of it I go into shock and the memories come rushing back. The feelings of not being good enough, the feeling of wondering could I have done something to prevent this from happening. I miss the old days, the hangouts, the parties, the late night adventures. I will never get those back, it will never be the same again. 

I keep reminding myself that this is within my path, this was planned to happen for me, everything happens for a reason and it’s not in my power to change them so I have no choice but to accept. I hate feeling this way, I hate having anxiety, fear of losing more friends and people I hold dearly. I hate it. 

So to those lost friends, i’m genuinely wondering if you are happy now without us? We used to talk every single day, hand out, have the best times. Does it really feel okay not having us around. We suffered, we weeped for days, we are enduring the trauma. Do all of you feel better? 

[rohzm]

Goodbye.

Dear Lost Friends, 

I keep losing you.... But not because I screwed you over or I offended you  in anyway but because I chose to keep people around who truly give me the energy, time, understanding, and care that I so easily give to other people. 

Everyday I uncover new information from someone I care so deeply about that they aren’t the person I thought they were. Rather than be someone who tweets about their friends not giving them the same energy back I decided that i know myself better, I know my worth, I know not to stay in a friendship with someone who doesn’t have my back. And honestly it sucks so much, and it hurts. I makes me anxious, scared, and doubtful when I make nee friends because of how many I lost in an instant. I didn’t drop them because I hate them or resent them, I dropped them because they were starting the process of dropping me and I couldn’t bare to stick around them doing it when I least expected them to. 

I constantly remind myself that them not being in my life was Allah’s plan for me, he has something better for me. People who are better for me. I just need to wait, and let those people gracefully fall into my life. 

#lostfriends #sad #grateful #newchapter #movingon #lovingme #faith

[rohzm]

Dear lost friends,

We had 3 great years getting to know each other! We had ups and downs, endless nights of adventures and fun, inside jokes, and just plain enjoyment for each other company. I miss those nights, those parties, those late night discord calls, someone to always go to.

Dear lost friends,

What happened? What did I do to deserve this exile? I thought I meant so much to you, I thought these connections were not wasted time but life long friendships. I messed up once and I’m paying for it. Did I really mean anything to you if you cut me out so easily? Did I not even deserve a proper explanation? 3 damn years and this is what I ended with.

Dear lost friends,

What a waste of time.

Dear Allah,

Was this your plan ya Allah? Was I meant to lose these people? Were they bad for my life? Did they stop my growth? Did the guide me down the wrong path? Will I get something better?

Dear Allah,

I trust you.

#confused #lost friends #faith #trustgod #sad #newpath

[rohzm]

Hey tumblr

I always come back to you when i’m in the worst state, tumblr you are my safe space, I just wish you could talk back. 

It’s been around 3-4 months since I posted something on here, and honestly i was doing pretty fine so I’m glad it took me so much time to get back it really shows progress. But life is getting harder. I recently moved back home from Toronto and I honestly thought i’d be happy here for a couple of years when i finish school. But i’ve been here for 2 months and I’m not happy at all. My siblings (well some of them) are intoxicating. I love them all so much but it’s hard to be home and in this environment especially when I don’t have friends here so i’m really just working, studying, and staying home. Being home wouldn’t be bad I had friends, or even fucking freedom. But I don’t i’m confined at home bc ‘i’m a helpless girl that needs to be protected” while my brothers can do whatever they want. Toronto is where I feel like myself and the most independent. I absolutely love it there, I am a city girl not a suburb girl. 

I love the best of both worlds where I can be in the city and with my family at the same time. i just don’t know if i’m doing the right thing. But then again what is the right thing? 

[rohzm]

@inukag-week Day 5 - Jealousy

[rohzm]

#happyholidays #christmas #me #love #followme #makeup #selfies #tumblr

[rohzm]

I’m actually so pathetic. I’m literally kissing her ass so she can take me back. I’ve only been talking to her for a day and I can feel my mood getting better. But realistically who am I kidding, she was fine without me for 2 months, she has other friends in her life. If she wanted to talk to me she would have texted me. Idk.. she can do whatever she wants and i’m never going to be mad at her for it, i’m just upset that i’m not really part of her life anymore. 

I miss how she used to text me with her problems are just to talk to me for fun. I really miss that. I don’t know if it’s ever going back to that again. and while i’m hung up about her I keep forgetting the great man in my life that’s always stood by me no matter what shit I throw at him. I need him so bad right now, I just don’t know how to approach him right now. 

I just hope he reaches out, I need him. 

[rohzm]

Hello... 

So, these past couple of days have really been a lot. There has been a lot of self-reflection and working on myself. I recently just reconnected with my best friend and it’s honestly the best feeling, I genuinely missed her so much. It’s going to take some time before we get back to how we were before but i’m okay with that. I’m just gonna have to work for it. 

Mentally im exhausted though. I super sick right now and I have a paper due on wednesday that I haven’t started yet. As well as another paper due on thursday that I forgot about. I have relationships problems that I can't get into right now because it’s too overwhelming. 

But... even though these past 2 days have been shit, I had someone by my side through it. I genuinely wished it would be him but I can’t expect much when he had a fight the day before. I’ll be okay though. I need to rest though, literally writing this is hurting my brain. 

Goodnight Tumblr. 

[rohzm]

I caved. 

[rohzm]

https://iglovequotes.net/

[rohzm]

Title? Idk.

At times like this I really miss my best friend... I literally fight the urge every single day to message her. When I fight with my mans I literally don’t have anyone to turn to. I avoid going to his friends too much because I never wanna get to a point where he has to avoid talking to his friends because I talk to them. I never really noticed how lonely I am until these moments. 

I am never going to find another best friend like her. I mean we had our ups and downs but so does every friendship. I only have him to share all my accomplishments and hardships with.. but what if my hardships are about him? Where do I go now? 

I’ve been doing so well lately with letting her go, but everytime I take 2 steps forward, something happens and I start again. Losing a best friend is definitely harder than losing a significant other. 

My support system is literally non existent, especially when i’m fighting with him. 

[rohzm]

[rohzm]

@islieb