rolopeters

[rolopeters]

Hiya sweetheart!

Don't you go feeling bad bout not writing me back. I feel dead lucky every time I do get a letter from you, don't even care if they're regular or not. I'd have written back sooner but I weren't allowed. Coz some twat stole ya last letter off me and I nutted him so that were like me punishment. Over Valentines, too. Shame coz I would'a made you a naff card or something! Did you do anything for it? Did you have a lucky Valentine? He better of treated you nice if you did. Bought you flowers and all that nice romantic junk you ladies like. I would of!

Rags... He's in here with me. Long story. We got locked up together though... Lots of guilt on my part, but, that's a story for another day, eh?

Sexy!!?!? ........... Em, don't go saying stuff like that coz you'll give me an heart attack! You'll be the death of me, girl.

Come and see me.

Love always, Your Rolo

#to emilia #letters #mmfdpara

[rolopeters]

Emilia,

Well I didn't expect you to write back! Brightened me day, that did. Brightened everything actually! Rags said I ain't stopped smiling since the post came. Coz I never get post, and today I did! Was expecting some shit like, you know, standard death threat letter or something. But nah, it was from you!! Chuffed. Totally made up. Thank you, Emilia, really thank you. Coz you've made me feel just a little bit more worth it. 

And oi, don't be giving me that! I got a good judge of character, and the first time I saw you, I knew you was something special. I mean, c'mon, I'm a criminal. I've lost count of how many times I been arrested. You think that one little thing's gonna make me think you're a bad person? Not a chance! And...you're sorry about it. You didn't do it like, intentionally, right? Like, you didn't go out to kill him or nothing? Coz... You don't seem like that kind of girl. But even if you were, right, I'd still like you just as much! And hey, you wrote back to me, even though I did something horrible. People forgive and forget, love. And it's easier if you ain't an ugly fucker like me, let me tell you! Who was it, anyway? You don't have to tell me if you don't want. And you ain't gonna end up in prison, don't worry yourself too much. Actually, that's pretty hot! You as a little criminal... Sorry, you probably don't wanna hear that. You're not a criminal, love. And you're not a bad person either. You're writing to one, see, I should know.

Life can be shit... But it makes me happy to hear you got some good mates. And don't say sorry, you know if it makes you feel a little better just write to me. Get it all out and I'll answer as quickly as I can (and am allowed...) Oh yeah please do come see me! If you want, that is. You just gotta phone and book it I think. It would be so amazing to see you, sweetheart. Just, stay strong, yeah?

Love always, Rolo

#letters #self para #to emilia #mmfdpara

[rolopeters]

To Emilia,

So I think it's been about 4 months. To be honest I lost count after like, 2, coz I just been numb, y'know? Coz... Well, I miss you. But it's pretty wasted anyway, I don't even know what I'm saying. Just gonna let my thoughts spill onto the paper. Sorry if this bores you or anything, like...

Everything in here is shit. Not that I had much on the outside, but, well apart from the obvious like freedom and football and McDonalds (fucking hell I'd kill for a Big Mac. Well not literally, course coz... Never mind.) But yeah, I get really shit food like beans and porridge and like, nothing else. And no visitors. But can't really blame anyone to be fair, I am technically a murderer now. No one liked me anyway so, it just justifies it, right? Fucking hell this sounds like one big sob story, don't it? I'm real sorry about that love I just got no one to really talk to and I've been writing a diary, which is fucking lame but it gets all my thoughts out well it just kind of does the job. Coz if all the shit stuff sticks in my head I'll just feel even more shit. I don't even know why I'm writing to you coz why'd you want to hear from me? And  I don't blame you if you don't write back, actually I don't blame you if you don't read it coz you never really cared that much about me, did you? Nah, i'm not out for pity....that's the last thing I want. The first thing I want is you to be happy. And maybe, with the way things turned out, you would be at your happiest without me.

Ey, Emilia, I were lying earlier when I said I'd lost count of how long it's been since I got locked up. 135 days. And 1,325 left to go... I'm couting down and just hoping that one day I might get to see that beautiful smile once more. And then no more from me. When I get out I'll probably move away, like to Wales or something. I got a mate there. He's the guy I gotta thank for being a witness. If it weren't for him, I'd probably have gotten life. But yeah, more fucking guilt, he got locked up too. See love, all I do is get people in trouble. Am no good. So this is the last you'll hear from me... Unless you want to hear more but, I'm not gonna get my hopes up!

So yeah, I hope that you're doing good and you're happy and all that. Just know that you've always got this hopeless shitbag. Coz you always have got me, Emilia. I think I I miss you and love you. I love you.

Forever yours,

Robert Patrick Peters

#letters #emilia #to emilia #self para #mmfdpara #idk tags #btw spelling and grammar mistakes are on purpose

[rolopeters]

Already Dead

Heartbreak was something that, by now, was just a familiar dull ache in the depths of his chest. It was always accompanied by the churn in the stomach, whenever he thought about the situation he was in, it felt like it sank. Rolo felt ridiculous for it; he didn't exactly do emotions like this. This was love, he could deny it all he wanted but it wouldn't work. It was love that would never be returned. That was what stuck in his stomach and it made him feel worthless. 

He was worthless. What was he good for? He wasn't exactly a high achiever in a successful job. His family hated him, he had no friends, no one that loved him. He was alone, and that made the realisation of being worthless even more real. Being completely solitary in the world was something that had never really vexed him until now. But now, now that he wanted to be noticed, it really did vex him. 

Lincolnshire was a lonely place as it was, but now that he'd been so blatantly rejected, it felt even lonelier. Even more dank and grey than it already was. And Rolo had to get out.

He didn't have a license, or a car, or any idea of where he was going, so on a rainy, bitter November night, Rolo found himself stood on the side of a major road, clad in a heavy green parker with his thumb stuck out for passers by to hopefully notice. It took a while, but eventually a rusty little mini metro pulled over and the passenger door swung open.

"Jump in, Lad!" he heard a cigarette tainted Welsh lilt croak from inside. Rolo didn't hesitate. "Cheers," he muttered with a cough, and sat down rather heavily in the seat, making sure to fasten his seat belt even though he noticed the driver hadn't.

"Where you goin', then?" the driver asked, but Rolo had no idea. "Erh, anywhere, actually mate." he said with a shrug. The driver seemed to find that amusing as he chuckled huskily, before he indicated and pulled back out onto the road with a loud growl from the engine caused by over acceleration. There was a slightly uncomfortable air in the car. Rolo had his elbow propped on against the window, his fist holding his chin up as he gazed out at the passing scenery with the, now usual, melancholy glaze over his eyes. The radio was playing tinny drum and bass that sounded as though it was being amplified through an empty can of beans, and it shook Rolo's skull and made it feel like there were spikes sticking out of his brain.

"Girls, ey? Can't win with 'em. They bring the light t'your life but also the pain." The bloke's accent was so thick that Rolo barely understood a word, but after a few seconds of careful analyzing, his ears pricked up and he turned to face the mysterious man.  "How'd ya guess?" Rolo answered with a sad laugh, running a hand back over his head. He'd shaved his hair off that morning, so it felt like velvet presently and it was a bit of a habit to keep stroking it. 

The man shrugged and made a sort of hissing noise, then tapped the side of his nose with his index finger, winking slyly as he did so. Rolo couldn't help but feel a little creeped out. It would have been sincerely awkward from then on, if the man hadn't broke down into fits of hysterical laughing. Rolo did as well. The situation felt so surreal, but at the same time, it felt so rehabilitating. He was actually doing it. He was getting away.

"Me name's Rags by the way," the driver said after calming his giggling. The name suited him, Rolo thought, as the man smiled at him with sparkling grey eyes, his curly straw blonde hair framing a thin and angled, but kindly face that was lined with deep wrinkles. Rolo couldn't help but smile back.  "Pleased ta meet ya, Rags. I'm Rolo." he nodded at the driver, and then turned away, the smile staying present on his face.

It was a pleasant journey from then on, the two of them cracking jokes and putting the world to rights. At one point, Rags pulled into a petrol station and came back with a snickers bar and a Lad's magazine for Rolo. But of course, the journey would have to come to and end.

Rags was on his way to Anglesey, and as much as Rolo would have loved to stay on the journey, he couldn't face the thought of going any further, let alone entering another country. So after about 2 and a half hours in each other's company, they came to Manchester, and pulled up on the side of a road near a golf club. 

"You sure you don' wanta crash at mine?" Rags asked for about the tenth time as Rolo opened the car door. "Nah, Rags, I'd love ta, bu' I better not go too far, eh?" he smiled sadly, feeling a little disappointed to be leaving the man he got a long with so well so soon. "Thanks so much though, mate, ya been a real life saver." 

Turning round to offer his hand to Rags for a hand shake, he felt a roll of notes being pushed into his palm. Rolo could only glance up at the older man with his jaw hanging a little open. "Nah, Rags, I couldn't-" "Don't gimme that! You'll be needen' et. And besides, thank you for bein' my companion all this way. Good lad, you are. Now take care, yeah?"

Rolo didn't have a chance to argue at the amount of money he'd been given; Rags seemed very adamant that he had it. So instead, all he could do was thank him. 

The suffocating sinking feeling in his chest returned as he watched the mini metro rattle away, but it was raining so hard that he didn't have a chance to acknowledge it. Now what? He'd come as far as Manchester, but what was he going to do now? Rags has given him a fair amount of money, but it wasn't going to last him long - it was probably enough for a night in a shitty hotel, a Macdonalds breakfast and maybe the train fare home. So he had no other choice but to do that. It was a bit of a lame attempt at running away, but it was a journey, and hopefully the journey he'd had tonight would clear his head a little.

By now, it was around 11. It was pitch back and tipping it down, so Manchester as a first impression wasn't exactly cheery. He had no idea where everything was, but he'd find something eventually, even if it meant walking around all night. There weren't any cars on the road; it was as though he was completely alone in the world. That was until a blue van came hurtling over the hill and Rolo had to jump into a bush in order to avoid being hit. He didn't want an encounter with a lunatic tonight, so he was glad it had gone passed.

Only it hadn't.

The van drove up the curb with a skid and came to a sudden stop. Rolo stayed behind the bush, his heart thumping against his ribcage as he heard the driver of the vehicle slam his door shut. "OI MATE!"  He closed his eyes and bit his lip. It couldn't be that voice. That was impossible. "MATE!" The voice sounded frantic, and it was evident that the guy was on something.  "Need a lift?" That was puzzling. The guy obviously didn't recognize him. Stay hidden. "D'ya need a lift?" Stay hidden. "Oi bruv! I'm talkin' t'you!" The firm grip on Rolo's shoulder spun him around, and now he was face to face with the guy that had got him in prison the last time. The bloke that Rolo had beaten up, badly, for shagging his girlfriend. This was probably going to end badly.

"You." The bloke growled, staring down at Rolo with anger in his eyes. Rolo attempted a look of confusion.  "Do I know ya...?" he asked, which only cause more bad vibes to be emanated. "Yeah, you fuckin' know me. Everybody in Lincolnshire knows me, I'm Cal, you cunt. An' you're a long way from home, ain't ya?"

Rolo had never known his name until now, and he couldn't help but be curious as to why this Cal bloke was in Manchester. But then that curiosity got pushed to the back of his mind as he realised he really needed to get away from this guy. 

He muttered something along the lines of "yeah, and what?" and without thinking, headbutted Cal square in the nose and scarpered. He glanced back to see hi bent double, cursing and cupping his hands to catch the dripping blood. Rolo chuckled; what a prick.

Only, that prick had a van, and Rolo couldn't outrun a van. Cal sped up alongside him dangling one half of his body out of the vehicle. He was swearing profusely, and Rolo was scared. He was running as fast as he could, there was a chance he could get away if he darted down an alleyway or something. No alleyway in sight so far, though. 

Suddenly, Cal had launched himself out of the van and forced Rolo to the ground and all of his body weight was on top of him. Rolo could barely move, only squirm, and it was emasculating and humiliating  He felt small, and he felt scared, and he felt small for feeling scared. But what was there to feel? This Cal bloke wanted revenge, and it was his opportune moment to take it.

He'd stop thinking now, he was just going to let it happen. He was going to die, this kid was dangerous, and he was going to kill him. He felt numb, and whatever pain Cal inflicted on him he wouldn't notice.

"Rolo!"

No. Not that voice. If there was ever a time he wanted to hear a Welsh accent, it certainly wasn't now. He turned his head, seeing the raggedy man jogging towards them, and Cal did too. Then it all happened very quickly. A burning sensation seeped into Rolo's shoulder and he fought to get the kid off of him, but he was so strong. The knife sank into his skin and it seared. It wasn't the pain of that that forced his retaliation, it was that Rags couldn't be hurt. He wouldn't let that happen. The last thing Rolo remembered, was Cal sounding a manic cackle as he pulled the knife from Rolo's shoulder and redirected it to his throat. After that, everything went black.

He opened his eyes. There was Rags, crouching beside him, a look of fear lined in his wrinkles. There was the brick in his hand, drenched in blood. There was Cal, lying dead at his feet. There was the distance ringing of sirens in the distance, and there was Rolo's fate, sealed in split second.

#self para #mmfdpara #already dead #bye rolo

[rolopeters]

I need ta ge' out an' do summing,

...Any takers?

#mmfdopen

[rolopeters]

All Rolo could do was smile down at her with a slightly sad glint in his eyes. The lust managed to mask that, however. It wasn't a sexual lust. More like a want, a serious need. But he knew that she'd never notice it. He didn't care about the way she'd treated him. Rolo wasn't one to give up easily, or one to be walked all over either. When she kissed him on the cheek, his chest seized up and the smile was extremely difficult to tame as it fought to expand into a grin. He wanted to kiss her so much there and then, but her words that followed gave him the impression that he shouldn't. In fact, it gave him the impression, and the temptation to walk away. Because it was a finalization of what he had most feared. Emilia didn't want him. Emilia wanted Tyler, and she always would. Rolo couldn't compete with that kid. That fucking, selfish cunt of a kid.

"I don' jus' want any girl," he sighed, his breath hitching in his throat as he pushed eye contact. He didn't have to complete his sentence, that was enough. Just leave now, ya prick, he told himself, why would she want an ugly useless fucker like you anyway?  He shrugged and knitted his brow, sucking his bottom lip and batting back and forth his options. Kiss her or leave? Tell her or walk away? Love her or forget her?

Into My Arms // Rolo & Emilia

#into my arms #soz #took me a while #JGKHDDDDD AARHH

[rolopeters]

There was a surge of relief that hit him as Emilia accepted the flowers graciously, and a large toothy smile spread across his face. But when she hopped onto the kitchen counter, his smile faded slightly because he noticed how adamant she was on avoiding eye contact. In fact, she seemed to be trying to look anywhere in the room but at him. He didn't take offence, but he did wish that there was eye contact. And he didn't notice the tear because he was now mirroring her movements and staring anywhere but at her, as he rocked back and forth on his heels, his hands stuffed into the depths of his pockets. It might have made her feel more comfortable if he didn't look at her, maybe?

"What d'ya need ta change, love?" He asked softly, finally looking up at her and narrowing the distance in between them by stepping forward a little. There was a tiny glimmer of hope in him, and he didn't know why; what was she going to say?

Into My Arms // Rolo & Emilia

#Into My Arms

[rolopeters]

Seeing her made his face light up instantly, even if she wasn't all dolled up like she usually was. He didn't care, she was naturally beautiful and he would still think that she was the most gorgeous woman to walk the Earth even if she'd rolled down a muddy hill. He nodded in hello and held out the flowers to her, a sympathetic and kind smile spread across his face. "Bought ya these." he added; his knowledge on flowers wasn't exactly vast, but this bouquet looked pretty and impressive enough to give her, so it was good enough for him.

"Please don' worry about it, sweetheart," he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. Of course, it had really upset him, but when she was still mourning over the sudden death of her brother, he wasn't in any rush to milk it. He knew that she didn't need to dwell, however. He wasn't going to bring it up, unless she did. Bringing back the memories would only trigger her. So he carried on to reassure her instead. "No big deal." he chuckled, and slapped on a care-free grin, only to affirm that it really was nothing to worry about. At the end of the day, it wasn't her who had almost cut off his breathing. She'd only done that through her beauty, so that couldn't be helped.

Into My Arms // Rolo & Emilia

#into my arms

[rolopeters]

Into My Arms // Rolo & Emilia

Rolo knew what Emilia was going through. He had felt it himself when he'd almost killed Chop, he knew what it was like to fear for a realtive. The only difference was that Emilia's brother was gone, so the grief that Rolo had felt, in her case, would be multiplied so many times. And all Rolo wanted to do was take care of her. He'd been hesitant, because of the way she's acted when Tyler had attacked at the party. He thought that she wouldn't want him around, especially not at such a difficult time as now. But the message he'd receieved from her had almost been permission for him to care. He wouldn't ever stop caring, even if she wanted him to, but it was as though she'd granted it.

So as he stood in her driveway, fluffing up his hair with one hand while the other gripped hold of a bouquet of assorted roses, Rolo thought through the way he was going to be with her. He didn't want to come on too strong. He didn't want to initiate anything, he wouldn't make a move unless she did first. It wasn't going to happen, but he had to take it all into account. Emilia was delicate right now, and he had to treat her as though she was precious and likely to smash. 

Just roll with it, he settled his thoughts with, and reached up to ring the bell. Just don't do anything stupid.

#into my arms #fave nick cave song right there #mmfdpara

[rolopeters]

Text @Rolo

Emilia: I deffo wouldn't.

Rolo: Just trust me when I say that I'll think you'll look beautiful all the time, okay?

#temilia

[rolopeters]

Text @Rolo

Emilia: Wanna bet?

Rolo: Nah, because you'd lose and then I'd feel bad!

#temilia

[rolopeters]

Text @Rolo

Emilia: I don't. I look like shit.

Rolo: Impossible.

#temilia

[rolopeters]

Text @Rolo

Emilia: Come round mine now? Warning. I'm a mess.

Rolo: I'll be there soon. I know, but you'll still look beautiful.

#temilia #i start para

[rolopeters]

Text @Rolo

Emilia: I want to.

Rolo: Whenever you want me, I'm free, okay?

#temilia #i can just imagine him staring at that text for like te minutes #and going omg ok be cool

[rolopeters]

Text @Rolo

Emilia: For y'know...watching. I am not ok. Could we meet at some point....

Rolo: It don't matter, love. Really, please, don't want you to worry about it. I know you're not, you got a lot to worry about and stuff... Course we could. You want to?

#temilia

[rolopeters]

Text @Rolo

Emilia: I'm sorry. Hope you're ok.

Rolo: Why you sorry, love? 'Course I'm okay. Hard as nails, me... are you okay?

#temilia

[rolopeters]

Nah, nah, ya alright, love. Don' wan' ya thinkin' I'm a big softie or anyfing, do I? Thank ya, though sweetheart, dead sweet of ya.

Fuck it.

Hey…..ah know we don’t really know each other…..bu’ sometimes it’s easier to talk to someone ya don’t really know?

#chloe