rosarenn

[rosarenn]

Man, the flesh sucks. I'm gonna abandon it for the machine.

[rosarenn]

snailcat ‘The Maastricht Hours’, Liège 14th century.

British Library, Stowe 17, fol. 185r

[rosarenn]

Haha get loved unconditionally idiot. Get absolutely fuckin cherished. Lol you're about to be hugged so hard. I appreciate you deeply as a person, what you gonna do about it? Nothing lmao

[rosarenn]

I don't want to hear "oh I can't choose my sexuality," "oh I can't choose my gender" anymore.

It's bullshit.

If aces can teach us anything, it's that you do not need to be sexually attracted to someone to have sex with them, let along to date them. Sex workers and sluts (complimentary, admiring) also know this and can teach us.

If you are a cis woman dating cis men and complaining about it, that is a choice you are making. And the beauty of this fact is that it means you could choose differently.

You are not a victim of your birth. Your fate is not predetermined. You were not born this way.

Everyday you make decisions to pursue (or not pursue) cishet relationships, and if you so desire, you could choose differently.

It's a travesty that people can say in the same breath that gender is constructed, and that they were born cis or trans or straight or gay or whatever.

Gender is a performance. That means cis-gender as much as trans-gender. And if we follow this reasoning to its logical conclusion, we can see that heterosexuality is just as much of a performance. How can you be inherently, fundamentally heterosexual if gender doesn't exist in a static, external, fundamental way? It doesn't add up.

You can choose differently; we all can.

The game is fake. The stakes - the stakes are real. It's not an accident or a personal moral failing to be straight or cis. There is an entire society, a network of institutional power coercing you to be this way.

Be suspicious of your own desires! Critically examine your internal thoughts and feelings, to find the difference between what you truly desire and what desires were implanted in you through social conditioning. When your desires seem to align with dominant systems of power and supremacy, be extra suspicious of your own mind!

Let yourself explore, daydream, experiment. If you've never even let yourself imagine a different way of organizing your life, how can you know what you truly desire?

It's 2024. You can choose to be queer. You can choose to push back against hegemonic, supremacist culture. You can reject everything you thought you knew about yourself and build a new identity from scratch, if you wish. You can love in new and expansive ways.

It's not easy, but it might be worth it.

#discourse #born this way #queer #and before the entire internet comes for me #I am trans and queer and ace #and I did choose to be this way and I will always fight for autonomy and self-determination for all

[rosarenn]

remember to hit that DISLIKE button, UNSUBSCRIBE, and THROW YOUR COMPUTER DOWN A WELL

[rosarenn]

I feel strangely disconnected from the world, like I'm floating in a parallel universe a few inches to the left. I have words in my head that I want to get down on the page, but when I sit down to write them, they disintegrate and blow away. What was it I wanted to say just a moment ago?

Why am I so absent from my own life? Why am I still so afraid to be perceived, to act in a way that might leave a mark, to change anything or influence anyone? A passive observer.

I want to reach out and I don't. I miss my friends and I have nothing to say. I send a couple emoji reactions so they know I'm still here, still thinking of them, still watching and laughing along, but we both know it's inadequate.

When we do talk it's like no time has passed, we laugh and joke and banter, but about the past, the future, anything but right now. Anything about how I'm struggling.

I don't want to post this or even write it, why would anyone care about this disjointed and deeply personal sketch? And if it's just for me, shouldn't it stay in my own private journal? But if the point is to start to will myself back into the public view, then I can't accomplish that by keeping it to myself.

I guess I am still recovering from publicly coming out. If every action has an equal and opposite reaction, it makes sense that I would retreat into myself, go invisible again.

In a lot of ways, I tried my hardest to be seen on my terms, to define myself to a wider audience, and I still came up short. Most saw what they wanted to see, not what I was saying about myself, not me. They saw the narratives that were familiar, that they had heard before, and even while saying that they understood and accepted me, they proved that they truly did not.

So what is the point of trying to be perceived?

I am painting the walls of my apartment, filling nicks and holes in the drywall, obsessing over the surface as if it could fill the holes in me. Erasing all signs of contact, of life living within these walls. Zooming in on every tiny imperfection makes it hard to imagine that there is anything beyond these walls.

I miss my best friend and I want to see them. Maybe that's all I need to say; maybe that's why I can't find any other words. I know what to say and the question is just - can I be vulnerable enough to say it?

[rosarenn]

I’m full of feelings and queer rage tonight, so here goes.

Fuck the narrative that being trans is never a choice. I chose this. I’m not some poor little boy trapped in the wrong body. I’m not some sob story wasting away. I probably would’ve been fine living my life as a woman and then I found trans people and related to them and I chose to embrace my identity and join them. I was born into my body with my gender and I will shape them with my bare fucking hands into what I want them to be.

I’m not making my identity more palatable for cis people. I chose this. I chose this and I chose to be myself and don’t you dare try to take that choice away from me.

[rosarenn]

thinking about dr james barry and other historical trans men who were outed against their will and like

not all the trans men could have gotten outed, right?

like im willing to bet that there are quite a few men out there who were buried as men

im glad not to know them

[rosarenn]

5/16/2022

[rosarenn]

Whenever I take a long car ride I end up exhausted afterwards, and I'm always like "why am I so tired? I was just sitting around doing nothing all day."

But the answer, it turns out, is I was doing something. Riding in a car jars your body in many directions and requires constant microadjustments of your muscles just to stay in place and hold your normal posture. Because you're inside the car, inside the situation, it's easy not to notice all the extra work you're doing just to maintain the status quo.

There's all sorts of type of work that we think of as "free" that require spending energy: concentrating, making decisions, managing anxiety, maintaining hypervigilance in an unfriendly environment, dealing with stereotype threat, processing a lot of sensory input, repairing skin cells damaged sun exposure, trying to stay warm in a cold room.

The next time you think you're tired from "nothing", consider instead that you're probably in situation where you're doing a lot of unnoticed extra work just to stay in place.

[rosarenn]

Ok but Jim and Oluwande have this exact dynamic

#ofmd

[rosarenn]

listen i know we’re all still screaming crying throwing up about ed and stede but i wanna take a moment to appreciate the mutiny scene where everyone AUTOMATICALLY and WITHOUT DISCUSSION decided olu would be the best captain and insisted he take charge because he would be the best man for the job

it was really sweet to see how much they all value and appreciate him, even fang and ivan, who have only been on a crew with him for like a month! like his kindness has been noticed and the crew all really care about him, its so cute im gonna cry

#ofmd #my friend told me I have big Olu energy #and said they were specifically thinking of this scene #*incoherent sobbing*

[rosarenn]

ID: Our Flag Means Death gifset. It shows scenes of Oluwande and Jim together with text in the middle that shows the lines from Mary Bonnet’s speech about love. They will be described with first the line and then the scene that accompanies it, as follows:

“It feels… Easy. It’s just like breathing”: Oluwande casually gesturing towards Jim, who sits next to him, as he talks to Frenchie

“They understand my idiosyncrasies”: Jim dropping something off a table, then running off as Oluwande makes to grab it

“Finds them charming, even”: Jim and Oluwande almost kissing outside Jim’s nana’s garden

“We expose each other to new things, new ideas”: Oluwande, sitting on top of a cannon besides Jim (who’s sitting on the floor) and pointing at something off-camera. Jim looks up, squinting

“And we laugh a lot”: Jim smiling softly as they hold Oluwande in their arms, Oluwande laughing freely. They are both naked, covered by sheets

“We just pass the time so well”: Oluwande and Jim (still in their disguise from the early episodes) by the grounded ship, staring at something off-camera. Oluwande is laughing a little, but Jim is serious. They stand just inches away from touching, although Jim moves slightly away to get a better look.

“I’d call those things love”: Jim smiling as they grab Oluwande’s face and kiss him passionately.

Full text: “It feels… Easy. It’s just like breathing. They understand my idiosyncrasies. Finds them charming, even. We expose each other to new things, new ideas. And we laugh a lot. We just pass the time so well. I’d call those things love. End ID

#ofmd

[rosarenn]

Absolutely cursed party comp

#ofmd #me in our group chats

[rosarenn]

Gotta give Our Flag Means Death some real credit because “started crossdressing to avoid getting caught after I murdered a guy, but then that made me realize that gender is fake so I’m nonbinary now” is one of the best trans self-discovery plotlines I’ve ever heard.

#ofmd #not me meeting a new group of people using an alias and intentionally obfuscating my gender for security #and then realizing that that was all I ever wanted actually

[rosarenn]

I will believe anything for this little band of queerdos <3

i love david jenkins so much, he really said “the gays won’t care about the logic of time and space so long as we give them pirates who kiss” and he was absolutely right. at this point ed could have his full beard back at the beginning of season two with no time jump at all and i would just say thank you. lucius could survive being thrown overboard due to the buoyancy of his wooden finger and i’d be like yup, makes perfect sense, no notes. i am willfully forgetting everything i’ve ever known for this show. i am not just suspending my disbelief, i am loading it into a cannon and blasting it to the heavens.

#ofmd

[rosarenn]

yep, this. And as someone who often gets hung up on details, this was perfect for me? It was so clear that most "inaccuracies" were deliberate choices, and the world was just anachronistic enough that when clearly impossible things happened I was able to shrug it off in a way that I really struggle with when media takes itself more seriously.

Our Flag Means Death feels like a show whose creators did a thorough amount of research into what they were portraying, then decided they didn't need about 70% of what they'd learned. there are all these little details and allusions that are totally historical, peppered in with shamelessly deliberate anachronisms as they make things funnier/cooler, and the end result is a delightfully theatrical mismash that calls back to the entire history of pirate film without aping anything in particular

#omfd