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Very early in my life it was too late.

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in this autumn town where the leaves can fall

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artemis aesthetics

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hoping this coffee fixes my headache and my writing block

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I feel homesick for a world that only exists in my mind.

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Vincent van Gogh, Flowering Garden

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To The Bone (2017) dir. Marti Noxon

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I blog for the girls who cry on their birthdays and lose a little bit of themselves during the summer months

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wuthering heights (2011, dir. andrea arnold)

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07/29

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“And so being young and dipped in folly I fell in love with melancholy.”

“and all i loved, i loved alone.”

Edgar Allan Poe

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My Brilliant Friend - S03E04 - Cold War

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Lila in many ways is a personification of Naples (the city). She is rich and poor, she is beautifull and dangerous, she is powerless and quick-minded, she is idealist and passionate and cynical. She is full of potential that get wasted due to poverty and people who mistreated her and didn't understand her value, didn't get her the possibility to shine in the way she seemed destinated to do. And yet she shines, despite everything, in her own flawed and imperfect and sometimes aggressive way- in the way people and that place that had the potential to shine but were held back by others use to shine. A shining that is almost a deadly burning, that is almost revenge for everything that has hurted her, a shining that is almost a compensation for everything she had not the possibility, the money or the permiss to become.

Elena is constantly flying away and coming back in the city, fighting her sense of the belonging in the city in which she is born with her desire to fly away from all her problems- just like she is doing in her complex friendship with Lila. And every time she makes peace with Naples she is in awe of Lila's intelligence, and everytime time she wants to distance herself from the city, Lila is everything she wants to escape from.

And Lila’s daughter, the daughter that Lila seemed to want to keep inside her forever when she was pregnant, the daughter who resembled her more than her son, the daughter who arguably is the only one of her children that she actually loved, is metaphorically eaten by the city. No one will never know if she is dead or alive: the only thing that matter is that she's been lost in the same streets in which Lila lived all her life, in the same neighborhood to which Lila feels a fiery sense of belonging, despite all its poverty and violence. She disappeared in one of the many secret place of the same city from which Lila will never escape, the city that Lila will become determinate to know inch by inch in her old age.

The Solara brothers wanted to control the neighborhood, but they hope to expand their power into others zone of the city too. They also wanted to control Lila: and they failed. It seems that controlling Lila is the only thing that they can't do, while everything else is in their power. But years later, when Lila has long stopped of fighting them back (or of caring about them or anything else, really) the two of them are killed. Like with Lila's daughter no one will ever reveal who were the killer, or the instigators of the double homicide. Even if it has happened during a sunny day in a public place, none of the people upon which the two brother has unofficialy ruled for the last four decades will say a word about the fact. Because the Solara never managed to make the population attached to them, just like years before they didn't manage to make Lila their ally, their wife, or their lover. Their criminal Empire fell apart in a fews weeks. Their old bar became dusty and empty, a creepy touristic attraction, a place upon which the people of the neighborhood can spit, or that they can vandalize just for kicks, or out of spite toward the dead brothers. They never managed to control Lila: that was the sign that they would have never been strong and intelligent enough to become the criminals masters of the whole city.

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lenù and her fear of losing lila in her life

from the first part of the neapolitan novels