For anyone still following me here~
I haven't posted here in a long time and want to renew my presentation whilst preserving the time I spent on this blog as a time capsule. So I have made a new blog for my new writing, at OvercastWords - If you enjoy my writing (and aren't a bot xP) please follow me over there!
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"Novembers are for softest sleep when skies are dark and grey. They do not mind the time you keep when night looks much like day. They do not mind the rain that falls so warmly down your cheek. 'Rest easy now' is what they'd say if months knew how to speak."
-Ellis Nightingale
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Rare sighting
Hi there, I'm back from the grave for a brief moment!
I'm workshopping a poem I'm hoping to submit to my school's Student Art Journal. Please let me know what you think of it's current state!
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Swirling, twisting, turning, blue.
Thoughts of my own contained, thrown, maimed by reminders of the home you became, and the endless, spiteful road
The unknown frightens my best and tightens my chest from its throne, as it manifests the most potent light it may grow
And so before the warm kiss of morning wisps my face, and dawns of all I mourn might break
Keep me with shores that echo your name through all beckons and horrors the untamed world might make
Loving, burning, catalyzing, you.
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Haiku - Escape
I take one last sip
Finding solace in dullness
'Fore the world returns
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I wish I remembered what your kisses felt like
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You gave up on me after promising me forever
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World
What a world we live in
Where flowers can shine as brightly as lovers' eyes
and remind us of them
Where raindrops on glass can elicit pure bliss
or cause shakiness of breath
What a world we live in
In which calamity can wreak such havoc
ready to strike
Awaits as eagerness to prove the existence of love
through perfect nights
What a world we live in
Where existential dread looms just beyond the corner of
and purely due to
The most incredible, joyous, life-giving things
of which there are few
What a world I live in
Where the exclusive, most intense of thought
horridly, ruminating
Are of the most loving, destructive, kind evil
known to this life I'm living
What a world I'll live in
Unfortunately, perpetually, begrudgingly, fully
I really wish I wouldn't
Out of pure spite, resentment, revenge, and memory
Of when I thought I couldn't
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Backwards Reality
Nightmare now attempts to surround me in its warmth and solace
Twilight invokes the wonder hidden in my mind and invites me wholeheartedly into its horror
Depictions of eternal wallowing, psychopathy, and tragedy all shriek inviting wails
At all times does the inviting bellowing of the great and unknown deep warrant abandonment of hatred and worry
It's during the daily glimpses of eternity that I know tranquility and peace
Dreams are what truly keep me up at night now, in cold sweats
Dawn brings about all its known evil and demise, forcing the basking of its tainted bright hue
Imaginings and visualizations of love, hope, comfort, and trust all evokes the most potent of fears
Never has my body known less control, never has my mind known a more deep threat and doom
Than when I'm told that it's okay to be happy
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Falling / Fallen
Without inhibition, I set myself free to the grasp of a greater
The squirming, restless abyss
Devoid of stillness, silence, knowing, compassion
I flutter between desire and disdain, not knowing which is braver
The ever, ever darkness
Laughing in lies, truths, purity, contraption
Through fear it grows stronger, in love it does the same
My gnawing, chosen fate
A cosmos of eternity, godlessness, infinite
Huddled from space and time, I’ve learned its horrid name
My killing, loving mate
The boundlessness of forever, stuck, senselessness
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Voidbound
Endlessness
It beckons, sending harrowing shivers through my spine and out with breath.
A true end without an end. Existential permanence co-existing with mortality.
Especially through seamlessness does its ever-tempting coils approach
In its lips I find solace
In its warmth I find forgiveness
I oft wish myself elsewhere
I oft find myself shaking
Not for any reality but that known only to me
Perhaps this means that it is real.
Perhaps this is proof of how far I've strayed
It does happen to be where I am, regardless. Enraptured in chaos, devolved in rumination
Overwhelming
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The last place I belong is anywhere known
Taken hostage by unspoken wonder and unseen chaos
I concede to my co-authored fate of languish and intense melancholy
Unable to perceive right from wrong, chosen for ambivalence
Dead center in the open ended path of unmistakable linearity
Where hope lies subliminally in wait, just below the dirt
The only way to dig it up
Is to wear the very earth away
So start walking
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Reverie
The ever-etched reveries of who I was embed themselves into the hyperbolic maw of my understanding,
removing it's innocence and desire for peace and leaving only it's regret and insecurity attached as torn remains of what once was a part of me.
The state of then will not cease its reverberating echoes of the lost and damned,
for it failed to exude it's full power then and feels it must before it dies with the light it grew alongside
My unfortunate world must pay it's dues for allowing such a parasite to maintain with it's treachery.
My ears will never hear the end of it's screams
Embedded into the eternal canyons of my forever lie the why behind this nightmare, and it holds true the sanctity and purity of all it once stood for, transmuted into it's now equally potent images of the forgotten and damned.
Strength be damned,
strength be damned,
strength be damned
Strength is not a virtue here
Nor is faith
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“Tonight let’s make the gods jealous of our love—even the stars will admire the things we do under the blanketed darkness of the sky.”
— s.s. (stephenstilwell)
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Without fear, I'll never be
But my damndest will I try
Through any trials that be had
And all tears that go cried
Renewal rears its ugly head
And redemption finds its mark
Between sun's set and sun's rise
I will lead myself through the dark
A starry eyed me, after being present for Dermot Kennedy’s performance at Red Rocks last night. A good landmark for the coming of my new phase of life.
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What if I never find someone who will love and accept my flaws like you did?
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Proof of existence is felt less, here
Thusly, my sabotage of myself through pride, slothfulness, fear, and pain all crumble
This is what it means to stop time, to pause, to evaluate and appreciate
I'm not envious of my later self, when he must act on what we've learned here
May he walk and think with the strength of a man
Who has nothing to lose
And a universe in his eyes
A visitor in the time between times
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“I need a life that isn’t just about needing to escape my life.”
— Robert Polito
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