sadieidas

[sadieidas]

harvest mouse 🌾

[sadieidas]

8/6/20 23:41

Being outside of a dangerous situation, we always think we'll be able to handle those situations very well and see the signs of danger. It often takes an outsider's view to really point those signs out and get out of it though. And that's okay. It doesn't mean you're anything less for needing help seeing those things.

-S 23:43

[sadieidas]

[sadieidas]

[sadieidas]

Therapists really need to have a “free sample” session so people don’t have to pay $100/session just to find out they don’t vibe together.

[sadieidas]

[sadieidas]

7/28/20 23:27

I feel like whenever you make a mistake with your partner it further proves to your mind that this is why you shouldn't be with someone. It's wrong, but it still hurts. I feel like the hardest thing is to figure out when your mind is lying to you.

-S 23:29

[sadieidas]

7/27/20 20:45

Haven't been on here for a bit, but the end of this semester is near so maybe I can post some more things. Had a rough day, but that's okay. I'll try to make it better tomorrow. Hope you have a nice week.

-S 20:47

[sadieidas]

7/8/20 24:50?

I'm exhausted, but why can't I sleep

[sadieidas]

7/6/20 22:53

Today didn't go so well. I feel like today was an okay day overall, I just remembered something that kinda hurt a lot. Maybe today went just fine then and this one thing didn't go very well. That's okay to think about it that way, I think.

I remembered when I was a lot worse and I hurt myself that the person I was with hurt themself too to punish me. I didn't realize it was something that was there until I remembered it today. I feel like it kind of just put the cherry on top of me already not feeling super great. This person was by no means great. I don't know. Maybe it was something I did. Maybe it was really all my fault. All I know is that it's better they aren't still around me. That was just one of the things they did and it's crazy how even after a few years it's still hard to deal with the things they did.

I don't think any amount of time will make me forget, but maybe after a certain point I'll have healed more. I just need to remember that it's a memory and that that's not how things are now. I'm okay and who I'm with is better. I'm safe and it's okay.

-S 23:01

#Spotify #rambling #rambles #journal

[sadieidas]

6/29/20 23:08

I'm glad I took today to recover from last week. I'll have to work a little harder this week, but after last week I know I can do it. Even if last week was hard, I feel like it helped me realize some things I've been avoiding a little bit.

I've always wanted to be at the place that I am right now, but now that I'm here I realized I had to sacrifice a lot of leisurely things to get here. Which is honestly not the biggest complaint, but they were things that I associated with kinda the glory of being really young. I am satisfied with where I am, I just needed a little time to realize that I've wanted this and I shouldn't slack off right now. I'll have plenty of time to relax after everything is done. I just need to keep pushing through it and work hard. Just one more year and then I can get a better job and get more money and become more independent.

A lot of the things we do to get to a better place are hard, but I guess the destination wouldn't be worth it if the journey was easy. I remember listening to this song a lot when I was having a lot of problems mentally a few years ago. If I can get through that I can get through this. It'll be fine I just need to keep going because I can't stop now. Just kinda sucks, but it's okay. Hope you're having a better time right now. Goodnight.

-S 23:17

#Spotify

[sadieidas]

6/27/20 23:16

I got to spend some more time with them today. I feel like time just flies by when I'm with them. Even if we're just laying in bed together, eating, or playing games together, everything seems like more with them. Their bed is more comfy, food tastes better with them, and games are more fun with them. It's almost like spending more time with them and doing more mundane things with them makes me want to be with them more.

I guess I also just feel more like my age with them. They let me relax and not have to think about going to work and internship and school. It's like everything slows down and all those worries of the outside world are gone. Our little world is hard to get away from that when I finally leave it, everything else kinda sucks. I feel like I've been hating going to work, my internship, and school because that's another 6 days before I can actually spend time with them again. This whole being an adult thing is really tiring and pretty miserable. I wish I hadn't tried so hard to get here and tried to enjoy things more beforehand. It's okay. As long as I keep going I'll end up getting to be with them more.

Hope you had an okay day and week. Here's probably my favorite song. It's hard to choose just one, but it's pretty up there. See you around and goodnight.

-S 23:33

#Spotify

[sadieidas]

6/26/20 19:34

So that whole "doing this every day thing" went out the window. But that's okay. This week has been pretty busy and hard. I feel like I did pretty good though! I'll try to do even better next week, but clinic is just a lot.

I kinda wanted to see what all these grouchat things are on here. I've lost some friends so I feel like just talking to other people would be nice. I don't really like talking to a whole lotta people, but it'd be nice to have another friend or talking buddy, I guess. Maybe I'll post about that later if I try it out.

-S 19:39

[sadieidas]

6/23/20 23:16

I'm glad I kinda forced myself to study some more after a long day. I'm tired, but it'll be worth it later. I'm also glad I got to talk to them today. They always find a way to make my day better. I've never met a person that makes me so happy before.

I feel like a good portion of the motivation I have to do things is because of them. I've always been pretty self-motivated, but I do need a little bit of help every once in a while. I'm happy they're here to provide that help. Pretty exhausted. Hope you're not too tired. Get some sleep.

-S 23:19

#journal #thoughts #mental health #trying to be positive #rambling

[sadieidas]

6/22/20 22:25

Today went a lot better than I expected it to go. I dunno if it was the music on the radio or the fact that I actually kinda forced something down for breakfast today, but I actually didn't dread today as much as I thought I would.

Today was actually an okay day and I feel okay saying that. I put in my best effort and it did actually feel like enough today. I think it's okay to feel like what you did was enough even if you didn't do everything or even anything. I hope you had an okay day too. Don't worry too much.

-S 22:36

#journal #mental health #enough #emotions #rambling

[sadieidas]

6/21/20 22:17

I guess I wanted to start these out with what I'm grateful for or appreciative of. I've seen things saying, "it'll help keep you present." So, I guess I'm glad it rained today. I'm glad I got some time with them today. They make me feel better and happy.

I know it sounds pretty... simple?? I dunno. I wanted to make these things to help organize what's in my head a little bit. So, to whoever is reading this, I hope it's not too ramble-y. Enjoy whatever this is and I hope maybe this helps you in whatever way.

-S 22:50

#journal #thoughts #trying to be positive #rambling #emotions #mental health #self help