this year tried to kill me but im still here bitch
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wife is pregnant, due any day
suddenly the contractions start
“CAN’T, WON’T, I’M, HAVEN’T, DON’T, ISN’T" she says
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my cat: mrow
me, a dumbass: mrow? meow mewmrooowwwww mrow meow!!
my cat:
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self checkout scanner: UNKNOWN ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA
me:
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let’s go on a date and by date I mean lay in bed and make out for 3 hours
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god she has these gorgeous blue eyes you can get lost in forever. and that smile … that damned smile
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when u make new friends and u don't know how to act around them yet
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i act up on tumblr because my mama can’t whoop my ass here
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