scorrigan

[scorrigan]

cow tools

[tip me]

[scorrigan]

this is so fucking funny imagine going to your like super big trial & you just fall asleep & start farting in front of the jury

[scorrigan]

What is the management structure of the tortured poets department? Did the tortured poets department meet their last quarter goals? What s the tortured poets department ROI? do the tortured poets meet their KPIs? Should we circle back and have a meeting about this next week? My availability is...

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I miss my beautiful wife who I hated up until the day she probably died

#zombies run #runner 8

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I do not like the chocolate man.

I know why. Its the silent grinning rictus, the super clean presentation. The chocolate man lives in the uncanny valley, in the are of the valley that may or may not be entirely composed of chocolate.

#im sorry chocolate man #you weird me out

[scorrigan]

Yew ken bee ou' NIW Runneh' Fyve!

First official day of Zombies 5K (cuz I do need the starter version--I need to build up to regular running or I might keel over) and plot is not as exciting, but Sam is just as sweet and the doctor is at least more supportive (not threatening to leave me to die anymore, at least. Now I am 'valuable asset')

Also, I do actually want to read Rajit's novel haha. I wonder of anyone wrote a fanfic of it yet

#wait for it kid #the plot is slow but it goes places #zombies run #the welcome post #runner 5

[scorrigan]

You may be entitled to compensation!

miss swift you are not a tortured poet you are a billionaire

#class action taylor swift

[scorrigan]

My mom occasionally made a pea based stew that (to me) had a sickly color of green. I also wondered this, and sensing an opportunity to improve my mother's meal presentation for the better spooned in just a few drops of blue food coloring. I loved it, my parents were in turns disgusted, disappointed, and dispirited at being forced to eat a non-natural colored stew. I guess it just goes to show you, the stew isnt always greener in the other bowl.

Not to sound to Calvin-coded, but was anyone else vaguely disappointed as a child that your parents had food coloring stocked in their kitchen and yet continued to serve you home-cooked meals that were regularly colored?

Like, don't get me wrong mom, these mashed potatoes are perfectly tasty, but I bet they'd be just as tasty and significantly cooler if they were green.

[scorrigan]

You know, that Mythbusters post legitimately changed my life. Before seeing it, I had exponentially more guilt and stress about not being able to sleep, which of course, further exacerbated my inability to sleep.

Now, every time I wake up about three am, knowing I have to get up at 6.45, instead of stressing and panicking about how my day is going to be sleep deprived and miserable, I just tell myself 'Time to activate Mythbusters Protocol' and lie there with my eyes closed safe in the knowledge that I am measurably reducing later feelings of exhaustion.

And when this happens, about 70% of the time the reduction of guilt and stress means I actually do fall back asleep, so all in all instead of getting only three or four hours sleep, I get five to six and a half.

Which y'know, major improvement in health and energy.

[scorrigan]

@chappellellison

1991 Anglo American Eyewear Frog Sunglasses (via: Pinterest/archive.org)

[scorrigan]

This is like those challenge coins american cops make.

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women's thighs. you agree. reblog.

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Anomalous Item #4742: A set of 173 VHS tapes with blank labels.

When a tape label is filled out (there are provided fields for title, director, and year) and then placed into any functioning VCR, the film listed will play, regardless of if it existed before the tape was played.

This was first believed to be an effect limited to the tapes, ie, the tapes were somehow generating the movie themselves through some method similar to AI art generation, but after initial tests were performed the paratime division discovered the effect is actually antichronological: when played, the tapes don't simply create the movie named, they alter the past so that the movie mentioned was created.

Thus, after a tape is labeled and played, it can be found on streaming services and in DVD rental stores. The directors, if still alive, will recall making the film, and actors who were active at the time the film was "made" will have anecdotes about events that happened in the film.

This can have ripple effects as well; during the 9th test, the film Big Trouble in Little China, 1986, directed by John Carpenter, was created. Besides the immediate effects of creating a new film that hadn't existed, an indirect effect was that the film Alien 2, 1985, John Carpenter, ceased to exist. Instead, the sequel to the 1979 film Alien (directed by Ridley Scott) was titled Aliens and directed by James Cameron. It's believed that by adding a new movie to the timeline of John Carpenter's direction, he no longer had time to direct one of the works he had directed in the original timeline, as he would have been busy directing the newly-added film, and directing roles therefore passed to another director.

Use of the tapes can also implicitly affect the lifespan of directors. In test #17, Researcher J. Calhoun attempted to generate a film that couldn't possibly exist: a prequel to a film made by a director who had died decades beforehand.

According to paratime research, the writing of "Star Wars: Episode 1, 1999, George Lucas" on the tape and the subsequent viewing undid the 1981 death of Mr. Lucas, causing Star Wars: Episode 6: Revenge of the Jedi to come out in 1983 instead of 1985, be titled "Return of the Jedi" instead, and it would be directed by George Lucas instead of Steven Spielberg.

This obviously had additional effects as it didn't merely extend the lifespan of George Lucas by an additional 18 years: at time of writing in 2022, he is still alive at the age of 78. It's therefore believed that the object doesn't unnaturally extend the lifespan of the director, it instead reshapes the flow of time so that any events that would stop them from filming the listed movie do not happen.

After discovery of their history altering nature, the remaining anomalous objects have been locked in secure storage at site #22. No further testing is authorized, and emergency use requires level #6 authorization, which will only be granted in the face of imminent disaster requiring paratime remedies.

Article update[2022-11-20]: an incident occurred where it was discovered that former researcher K. Synnol had acquired one of the tapes (see investigation document 2483 for details) and was attempting to use it for history modification, without approval. The paratime division detected the impending history alteration and an assault team was dispatched. Synnol was apprehended before they could complete the use of the tape, however the label WAS filled out but the tape remained unwatched. What effects, if any, the partial use of the anomalous artifact would have on the timeline is unknown, but in previous testing the film only came into being when the labeled tape was placed into a VCR and watched.

See photo attachment #2, below, for artifact 1B, recovered after the Synnol event.

#goncharov

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@katy-l-wood made me aware that Amazon has started posting AI-generated reviews on books, and while the Hunger Pangs one is flattering (thank you to everyone still leaving reviews), I can't help but wonder how this can go wrong.

Like I get it's just pulling things from the human-written reviews, but what if someone posts spoilers? Will the AI review post that? What qualifies some books for AI reviews and not others? Enquiring and wary minds want to know...

Also, if there's a way to opt out of it on the author end. I can't find it.

Like I know this is just a continuation of the AI reviews they've been using in their marketplace for a while now, but considering those reviews are prone to being, y'know, altered by bots writing false reviews, it's making me wonder if it will affect book rankings.

Not sure how. I'm just... Hm. Yeah. Not sure I like the potential for fuckery.

[scorrigan]

You suckers

Are so gonna buy a delicious in dungeon cookbook this year and never make anything from it