shelbyrpg

[shelbyrpg]

!!!!!.!.!,!.!

made these w vsco x & basic apple markup feature

#collage #stranger things #harry potter #daniel radcliffe #natalia dyer #noah schnapp #nancy wheeler #will byers #weird #vsco #hawkins #hogwarts #crossover #*photos sourced from pinterest* #genetics

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Jean Cocteau drawing in La.Villa.Santo.Sospir, 1952.

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January 21st 2013

I don’t like writing in pen. It’s against my severely regretful nature.

Over the weekend, we had 2 main movie-night flops, one at Jacob’s house and the other at Brett’s house. They always pick a movie that 3/4 of the people would rather use as a backdrop to fall asleep to. Or, you could be mortally devoted to the progression of the movie, as Sarah was, and launch bitter, relentless causticity into the atmosphere to combat the crazed laughter and riotous short-range snap-chatting coming from the Catherine-Shelby corner of the game room. Everyone else was sleeping.

The languorous, drowsy evening was topped off with a half-baked, starry-eyed suggestion of Denny’s, and some sour classic Sarah remarks about Catherine & I’s church attendance

The next day, there was another movie night put on at Brett’s house, another love-facilitative evening like the Cat/Jared days of summer, this time for D****** & G*******.

G****** put on the extended version of the Hobbit, so that was my cue to retire to the kitchen to soundly exhaust the Peters’ food supply and not have epic cinematic adventure give me a headache. Basically everyone but G & D followed suit, and I dined unhappily but ravenously on Muddy Buddies and Rosa milk, complaining about the fat & stuffing myself in equal measure. Sarah & I fashioned ourselves these excellent sandwiches with some chicken breast and cheese from the fridge and the most starchy pristine white bread. It was the Iron Kids brand, apparently Mikayla’s, the same exact variety I too lived on as a kid.

We sat in the floor and continued to eat, Sarah in blanket head-to-toe, with me snap chatting Michelle Chavez and complaining while doing so, screaming maniacally at Catherine when I caught her sending another uncharacteristic, prim, conservative, nondescript snap to Garebear42.

There’s a series of Catherine-selfies, thin-lipped, forcibly wide-eyed pics with the camera strategically placed to create a balloon-shaped head. Which, in Catherine-land, is sooo desirable. In Catherine-land, being a thin-lipped, forehead-extensive chin-person is the unattainable perfection. Heheheheh. What she needs to understand is

NO

As is tradition for most movie nights, Brett passed out on the bachelor’s couch, his waiflike form swaddled in one of Natalie’s fleece-throws. And at the end of the movie, it was about time for everyone to be home, & after some attempts by G, Brett finally got up, still swaddled, moving torpidly in that tired-Brett haze, slower than slow-motion, unnecessarily, exaggeratedly languid. As if his sole purpose was to portray what it means to be the essence of ~ pure drowsiness -

He put on his Nikes, still in that sluggish hazy way, and he kinda stood up & got a look in his eye, and before a word came out of his mouth we knew he was just gonna say something quintessentially, extra Brett-ish. He stood there, 1 blue-black Nike halfway on, and spoke, eyes not even partly open, looking reasonably very high, very baked, & said,

“It’s a new day, a new era….”

Just as we expected. We kind of died laughing for a few minutes, to cope with how great & perfectly classic that was, perfectly - utterly Brett.

{end}

#journalblr #year: 2013 #high school log #adolescence #personal #teen angst

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I’m afraid of agin’

Though I’d be lucky to be called a matron

I find myself fightin

For significance

Just like I did when I hiked my shorts up to my waist but not too much

a second adolescence

I’m just as pending as I was

You’d sooner jump through a mirror than go back in time.

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love is so embarrassing . also the only thing that matters

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So sick of fast fashion so sick of trends wear a shirt until it falls apart and wear a pair of jeans until the buttons and zippers explode. Then buy a new shirt and new pants. Same pair of shoes until they don't count as shoes no more. Wear horse blinders when you go outside. Bathe and brush your teeth. Play frisbee with me

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just trying to help with the dishes.. all good here (via)

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“First there is nothing, then a depth of nothingness, then a profundity of blue.”

Gaston Bachelard, on Yves Klein blue

#blue #monochrome #text #type #vsco #gaston bachelard #yves klein #process #art #creation #quote #quoteoftheday #the blue devils

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{still January 18, 2013}

Sometimes I get super nostalgic about Kingsburg HOW GREAT IT IS. Like I just view Kingsburg alone like I’m seeing through a fog of antidepressant or something. I think of Starbucks, the glorious hub of activity, the houses, the personality, the complete nothing-to-do that allows you to find/make fun and excitement and the best times imaginable with what you have. A game room, a truck, a Denny’s, a ponding basin. And you have the most riotous, poignant time.

I want my kids to grow up like I did, in a humble, dilapidated house on a picturesquely dilapidated mid-century street, where the poison of being well-off in Kingsburg won’t get them, won’t turn them into the rest of them. You can have the best time here. Or you can hate it and swear to move to Michigan or something. I don’t think one can have a full life & live in Michigan. But then again, the apparent nothingness might spur the best times there too.

{end}

#update: Kingsburg is deeply…indelibly..white #journalblr #photo journal #teenage angst #blursed #writing #retrospective #year: 2013 #ego

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This sparkly Immanuel formal quartet just sauntered in. I’ve never wanted to leave Starbucks so much.

(fervently, cautiously, EXPRESSIVE AS HECK)

“-I guess he was kind of awkward the whole time, but, you know…”

“No but your dress is really cute.”

NOW THEY’re TAKING SELFIES. SHOOT ME.

“That one was really good”

“Yeah” “Let’s go”

“Totes adorbs”

I don’t remember being so hateful of people. I like to rant about those conformists as a pet hobby. They’re naturally so, it’s the biggest facet of high school, trendy sameness. Trendy style, Jesus sandals, flannels, floral print skirts,— there’s no such thing as a decent, original, honest flannel anymore. Uggs are a stereotype. Trendy attitude, trendy personality, trendy way-that-you-carry-yourself, that endearing clumsy-confidence that’s consistent across the board “she’s so sweet” “she’s sooo funny.” Like what in the heck makes you know that? There are no differentiation factors. None. Just a slightly variations Pinterest-verified mold to fulfill. GREAT style is SAME style. People who comment on how good my style is just remind me that I’m the same as everybody else in the area. And I’m too terrified for it to be any other way. Those Immanuel girls… {redacted}, {redacted}, they intimidate the snot out of me, even though they aren’t really anything to reg on my social anxiety radar. I need to not be like the rest of them, which, I know I’m not, anyone witnessing me trying to stabilize a decent conversation would second that. I know it. I need t know it and be proud, grateful, and blessedly relieved that I didn’t succumb to the sameness.

Maybe, deep down, several layers inside the farthest, infinitesimal crumb-piece of their souls, there’s actually a real-life breathing person, not a mold, but a person, who has issues, anxieties, things that they take childish, giddy pride in, the things of passion and joie de vivre that matter. Somebody Catherine and I would hang out with. I pray that those people are like that, or will be like that, find themselves truly so they won’t be LIKE THAT ever again.

{end}

#year: 2013 #otherizing #journal #personal #diary entry #high school log #vsco #cliques #writing #reminiscing #journalblr #daily diary #prose #teen angst #teenage angst

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January 18th 2013 Sat.

I walked to Starbucks today. I took the Freakin’ Froyo Friday route around the junior high and down 10th Ave., but for this time I felt conspicuously aware that I was going to die, particularly after a red SUV passed by me & someone yelled ‘HEY!!’. I mentally prepared for the imminent drive-by. I’d be featured on Crimestoppers as the 3rd-ever murder in Kingsburg. I wouldn’t ever meet up with BP & Sarah & Cat & Jacob that night. The game-room flop at Jacob’s house would be canceled, & all outings to Denny’s barred until everyone safely got over my death enough that they could partake of quesadillas & BBQ sauce with our risk of weepy eyes & stale memory-sharing.

I shall die of a weak heart before I can stand on my own in the world.

( in reference to lyric text)Catherine’s cool quote that I would never be able to produce bc I don’t listen to cool music

Or music at all for that matter

I hate it when people talk so clear & confidently about things that don’t matter.

{end}

#julian casablancas #journal #year: 2013 #high school #made with tumblr #the strokes #personal #teenage angst #teen angst #prose #my thoughts

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star trek is like if bowling alley carpet was a show

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it’s soooo hard to romanticize where you are now and like i get it, it always feels like the least beautiful time to be in, the worst point in history, your flop era etc, but it’s like Not though. every day i am amazed at the nostalgia i get for the past where i was objectively worse and more on fire than i am now like it doesn’t make sense until You Realize… nostalgia is often just you feeling regret that you didn’t fully experience what you had at that time. and it’s a call to enjoy where you are now because it truly is a unique part in ur life, no matter what is happening because life is a fleeting gift man. like IT IS!! experience every moment fully… it’s what your future self deserves when she looks back at you now

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Yokeland

#filmx #vsco #photo diary #oakland