shikensrkool

[shikensrkool]

update: i’m back, i think i’ve been gone for at least half a year. a lot of things have happened, the most obvious is that i started “recovering” again and that now i weight 118 AGAIN

#tw ed thoughts #ed talk #i need to lose so much weight

[shikensrkool]

guys talking with someone who is smaller then you would make you lose weight like crazy, tell me why ever since i started talking to this boy my weight has dropped dramatically and my hunger GONE. geez i be liking this

#tw ed vent #just ed shit #tw ed thoughts #tw ed related #tw ed stuff #ed talk

[shikensrkool]

Sometimes I just want to give up and eat whatever the f** I want, not have a care anymore and if I were to get “fat” to just f it up and move on, let it be basically. But then I remember how far I’ve gotten and how happy I am when I look at my body in the mirror and it just gives me so much confidence compared to when I eat. Such a difference.

I don’t want to give up, not yet, I want to see my limit

#an0rex1c #just ed shit #tw ed thoughts #tw ed related #tw ed stuff #ed talk #tw ed vent #ana ed

[shikensrkool]

[shikensrkool]

reblog if ur kinda cold and pretty tired

[shikensrkool]

I’m back!

It’s been long since I last posted a body check or weight check in, the reason is because I was force in “recovering” but now that I am done with therapy, ( which has never helped me) nutritionists , and that my mama has finally accepted that I am not ready to recover ( or more like she gave up, which is good because I’ll rather for her to not worry for me then for her to cause herself unnecessary pain)

Right now I weight 52.30kg which is good I guess because I was actually expecting that it was gonna be more.

I’ll start doing body checks every 2 weeks? And weight checks when I can ( I don’t want my mom to see that I am weighing myself every second again )



#an0rex1c #i need to lose so much weight #fat and ugly #i need to lose this weight #ed talk #ed tiktok #anarex1c #pro ania #tw ed thoughts #tw ed related

[shikensrkool]

um id like to cancel my daily hunger subscription. eating was never my thing anyways.

[shikensrkool]

[shikensrkool]

[shikensrkool]

I hate realizing that this is it. this is life. I only get one chance and I’m spending it crying over food, hurting myself and unable to get out of bed some days.

[shikensrkool]

Ever since I developed ED I haven’t been the same and it sucks. But the thing that sucks the most is not being able to shop for clothes no more 😭 I used to LOVE buying online or going to the mall and get everything that I liked even if I didn’t have money, but after I started worrying about my appearance and sh!t now I can’t buy crap cause I feel like everything looks ugly on me and it fucking sucks ass

#just ed shit #tw ed stuff #ed talk #tw ed thoughts #tw ed related

[shikensrkool]

It feels nice to be able to poop naturally without taking anything 💀💀 even if it is the size of a rabbit poop

#just ed shit

[shikensrkool]

This is why fat shaming can have tragic consequences.

[shikensrkool]

my least favorite part of having an eating disorder is the constant arguing and bargaining in your head. racing thoughts all the fuckin time like, “okay I’ve had 75 calories today. I can have a banana and still be under 200. wait, 1200 is still considered restriction. how much would I lose this week with a daily deficit of 500 calories? I can do that. I’ll still lose weight. but not as much as if I fasted. no. just have nothing. you could lose 3.5 lbs. this week! just have nothing. people do it every day. just have a fucking banana. you won’t even be at maintenance. but what if it triggers a binge? think about your jawline. why don’t I just have everything I want and purge? what percentage can you get back up when you purge? hey google…” AND IT NEVER STOPS.

[shikensrkool]

An apology

I'm sorry if I help fuel your ed

I'm sorry if this account is one of the reasons you have an ed

In sorry if you looked on my page out of curiosity then stumbled down the rabbit hole

I'm sorry if my page influenced your ed in anyway

But let me say something

It might be too late for those people but please I'm BEGGING you if you don't have an ed and are at the "curiosity" stage let me tell you the saying "Curiousity Killed the Cat" has never rang more true, so LEAVE. I'm not asking you nicely I'm telling you FUCKING LEAVE.

I don't care if I seem rude to you, get the fuck off tumblr RIGHT NOW. I ignored these when I saw them and I regret it this disorder is one of the WORST things that happened to me, you know anorexia is the most deadly mental illness ? If you don't recover you will DIE.

I want to scream through my phone, I am so fucking angry, I don't want to influence any eating disorders !!!

As the sister of a recovered anorexic being their family member is horrible, seeing someone slowly deteriorate, hearing the fights escalate, not knowing when you would see them for the last time, wondering why they won't eat this. When I was 8, my parents FORBADE ME FROM WAKING MY BIG SISTER UP IN FEAR I WOULD SEE HER DEAD BODY. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ?! THEY THOUGHT A CHILD, A BABY, WOULD SEE THE PERSON SHE LOOKS UP TO DEAD.

THIS ILLNESS IS NO JOKE, NOT A SKINNY DISNEY FAST PASS, NOT A CUTE QUIRK, IT'S DEADLY.

And as an anorexic let me tell you, it's even worse. You will cry in front of the mirror, pinch your "fat" until it's red, shower in the dark, the scale will be your best friend and worse enemy, you will hate yourself so much more, you will MISS FOOD, you will miss being able to eat fries or pizza or spring rolls or crisps or potatoes, you may be thinking "I'll still let myself eat them from time to time" NO YOU WON'T, you will probably have a breakdown when you have them on your plate, you might purge, you might starve for the next day or more. Your personality will dissolve, you will be constantly angry and irritable.

Oh and also, if you have siblings or cousins I would like to inform you that people are more likely to have an ed if a family member had one and I KNOW you care about your family. (I am not accusing any one of purposefully influencing family members it's just for information)

If you have an already existing ed you can stay, if not then get the FUCK OFF MY PAGE YOU BEAUTIFUL PERFECT HUMAN BEING AND GO HAVE A SNACK. This illness is not beautiful and aesthetic, it's torture.

[shikensrkool]

I broke my seven day fasting w bread 😀 BREAD

#tw ed stuff #tw ed related

[shikensrkool]

I'll be at my ugw by the new years and have the body that I've been wanting for years now I really hope this comes true

reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)