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He moves to walk away.

Gordon’s reaction is instant. He grabs onto the back of the man’s parka with one hand and plants his feet. “No!” he shouted, his voice shaky. “You– you’re staying here!” God, no, he can’t have anyone running off, not after what he just saw. Not after he’d just seen this man lunge at the crowd, not after that thing in the sky, not after the incomprehensible mess that reminded him far too much of what he’d seen in Xen. He needed answers, he needed–

The arm he’s grabbing onto him with has a sleeve. It’s a thick winter coat. It’s gray. It’s not orange.

He looks down at his stump– no, arm. His normal, fully intact arm, covered with a garish orange arm warmer that has “Half Life” written on it in Comic Sans.

He’s not Gordon Freeman.

He’s John.

With that realization comes the other one that he’s currently gripping onto the parka of somebody that’s got a solid foot on him and could probably pulverize his bones into dust. He doesn’t let go. He thinks about it, when the man turns with a look that he really hopes isn’t murderous, but to be honest with himself he’s frozen in place.

“I didn’t think this through,” he stammers.

-

GUESS WHO GOT TO DO STUFF IN THE MOTW CAMPAIGN YESTERDAY and then immediately followed it up with like 5 hours of d&d and went immediately to sleep

big angry bear on the right is @craftlands‘s character Skalde! …also the arm warmer was a gift from az and john can’t decide if he loves it or hates it

#img #mun art #muse; hazardous environments #hi! this is what ive been up to!

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“he edited it to fix a typo. that’s it. there’s nothing to read into here. …god, i need to sleep.” / then it becomes it becomes it becomes a problem

so one of my friends threw a monster of the week playbook at me for my interpretation of the player from hlvrai and i joined a campaign with him and i am just. so fucking excited, i cant stop thinking about it.

part of john’s backstory is that he got the experimental build of half-life vr from a friend. after each play session, he’d talk with az about it, although not really going into detail. …then act 3 happened. john suddenly just… dropped off the map. he didn’t talk to anybody irl or online, he barely left his house, he was at an all-time low as he struggled with what the game was doing to him and how he was going to make it through this. he thought beating the game would fix it. it didn’t.

his friend continued to check in on him, though, even after john stopped responding to his messages. he didn’t have it in himself to reply, but az’s messages grounded him to reality or, in some cases, gave him an idea on how to deal with fun new problems that came with a gaggle of self-aware AIs living in his computer.

john hasn’t told anyone about what he really went through.

somehow, az knows anyway.

john doesn’t want to think about that.

#img #mun art #muse; hazardous environments #ive decided to put this on here after all! #bc like. lil bit of backstory on john #woooo

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ooc:

gordON SOMETHING’S FUCKED UP WITH ME

aka my computer did some weird shit while i was drawing and crashed so i dont feel super comfortable doing art rn! which means Yet Another Postpone Thing. ill probably be comfortable again tomorrow but im just worried abt Losing Progress on shit yknow

#txt #mun speaking

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bad thoughts give me bad dreams / then my bad dreams let me get up and walk / bad thoughts give me bad dreams / then my bad dreams make me sleepwalk

(then it becomes, it becomes, it becomes a problem)

#video #muse; hazardous environments #i dont know if i have a music tag! #anyway solar put this on their hlvrai playlist and ive been listening to it while doing responses lately

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im here because i was here, exists between the margins et cetera et cetera. also you have at least five warp and ive decided to sibling you -drei

I’m-- I’m--

Okay, okay Gor-- John. Deep breaths. In, out. This is just... a really weird dream. Right. Dreaming.

I just... fell asleep at my desk again. Yeah. Okay.

[ 9 / 13 ]

#muse; hazardous environments #drei tag #arc; experimental build #johndon catboy m!a #art response #wooOO its an event now! #event name is from Sleepwalk by Forrest Day which ill post in a min #but has big johndon vibes #also yea john Finally noticed drei's whole. fucked up tentacle wing thing #Anonymous #ask #event; sleepwalk

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ANDI: Th- That voice's somebody from-- from in here! From the game! How?! ANDI: And...

ANDI: And why do they sound like Gordon?!

BENREY: huh. DR. COOMER: I do believe that IS Gordon, Dr. Terri! DR. COOMER: Although he appears to be... afflicted. ANDI: Wh... What?

#txt #muse; the pressure's on #muse; hazardous environments #muse; passport guardian #arc; experimental build #icon response #art response #johndon catboy m!a #HEY GUESS WHO BELATEDLY REALIZED THIS IS THE FIRST TIME THE SCIENCE TEAM GETS TO SEE WHAT JOHN ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE #bc this entire time theyve only been seeing him as gordon #event; sleepwalk

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It's fine, Science Team! Johndon is perfectly hale and hearty. He's just been given a little surprise, is all! Observe for yourself. [Through anon magic, the webacam of Johndon's computer is turned on and projected to the game.]

[ John pauses, looking a bit awkward, as he remembers that his arm is currently not a gun. it helps him feel better to keep his fist pointed at Drei, though, so he just... keeps doing that. ]

[ meanwhile, the Science Team crowds around the screen with varying degrees of worried. Andi looks extremely freaked out, and even Benrey looks concerned despite their usual apathy. ]

[ 8 / 13 ]

#muse; hazardous environments #drei tag #arc; experimental build #art response #icon response #johndon catboy m!a #johndon's reflexes are ''panic'' and ''violence'' #Anonymous #ask #event; sleepwalk

[showyourenergy]

ain’t nobody that can stop our barrage!

[ RR launches another hail of comets, this time accompanied with some cannon shots as he tries to pin Raven in place. gives him time to think about what to do next!

with how much of a threat Raven is so far, he might need to find a way to shatter him... but he also doesn’t run on the kind of shape logic RR is used to. maybe this assault will drive him off? RR has no idea. ]

[ back at Buzzsaw's factory, RR steps out of a portal and squints up at it with an uneasy expression. ] jeez. what's th' deal with all this? [ he pauses. he has no idea what to expect in here, and running off on his own is probably a bad idea... he then summons his clamps, scowls, and heads inside to face down the source of the bad vibes he's been getting. ]

Buzzsaw and Cool friends are locked in combat, both looking battered like they are about to fall apart. Neither notice your presence as they fight. A few random shapes are tearing up the gears, and looting all they can.

#ask #muse; rainbow road #event; arrhythmic beats #mini event; RR and JSAK #this took so long bc i was gonna draw another art but decided against it bc i kept procrastinating BXFKJGLDFJ #SORRY.............. #corruption incarnate

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*pops up beside all the scientist team* Hello

W- What’s going on?! Is-- Is Gordon okay?! I hear yelling!

#muse; the pressure's on #icon response #arc; experimental build #Anonymous #ask #event; sleepwalk

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[ 7 / 13 ]

#txt #muse; hazardous environments #muse; the pressure's on #muse; passport guardian #drei tag #arc; experimental build #art response #johndon catboy m!a #(THE TIMER COUNTS BC IT *IS* AN ASK) #event; sleepwalk

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John, honey. Your trauma isn't any less real because it happened to not leave scars. People you thought of as friends caused you to feel excruciating pain- it's okay to be fucked up by that, fucked up by everything. That's legitimately traumatic and I think anyone would say so. It's great that you have the empathy to realize why they did what they did and choose to forgive them, but it's okay to be fucked up about it, you know? It is, I promise. What you went through was genuinely traumatic.

I just-- Fuck. There’s days where I’m... pissed off, days where it feels like I’m still in Black Mesa fighting for my life, but I have to keep telling myself none of that was real. I wasn’t ever in any actual danger.

...but it was real to them, huh? That’s-- that’s the point, is it was real to them and Dr. Coomer freaked the fuck out because of that. Benrey wanted to fucking kill me!

And I-- When that shit happened, I thought it was real. Not just... the pain, but all of it. All of it. I didn’t know who the hell I was.

God, I-- I don’t know. Shit’s fucked.

[ 6 / 13 ]

#muse; hazardous environments #arc; experimental build #johndon catboy m!a #art response #john's emotions on this are very difficult. #he swings a lot between ''i shouldnt be upset about this'' and ''that was the most fucked up period of my life'' #he tries to talk himself out of letting it effect him so hard #but its hard to do when yknow. the ais exist #and when the coup happened while he was fully In The Game. he was fully gordon. #Anonymous #ask

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Hey, Johndon, I watched all your trauma in HD last night, don't ask me how, trade secret, and I just wanna echo Andi when he found out about Digger's stuff- How the fuck are you alive? Also how the FUCK did you find forgiveness in your heart for Dr. Coomer and Bubby? If I was in your position I probably would be UNBELIEVABLY pissed.

I mean, yeah, I was pissed at Bubby. Still kinda am. I... I honestly didn’t know I was in a game, it felt real.

But Benrey's good at getting in peoples' heads. Told Bubby that if the soldiers jumped me then they could all go home. You know, ignoring the part where I was fucking trying to get everyone out of Black Mesa.

Dr. Coomer... he's a little fucked up. Guy scares me a little.

But... Imagine you live your entire life, and then find out that everything you remember from before, I don't know, six hours ago is a lie. That everything around you is just polygons and shitty textures.

It's fucked up. I don't know what I'd do. Coomer...

[ 5 / 13 ]

#Anonymous #ask #muse; hazardous environments #johndon catboy m!a #HOO i am. not happy with how the art for this came out but yknow #art response #arc; experimental build

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That face when you realize you need to make a tag for all the posts you ever posted on your blog so people find it easier 🙃

ooc:

oof, yeah, that’s part of why i went through trying to tag icon & art posts :,)

it helps to do tumblr’s mass post editor! so i dont need to like, struggle w/ tagging each post individually bc then id just give up BKDJFBGF

#mun speaking #professional shitpost #ask

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Will you ever do a recap on what happened with the giant tower and Lixen round two?

ooc:

yep! im gonna try and finish up the ~backlog~ (aka like. inbox, RR’s turn in the raven rumble) first but after that im planning to reread corruption-incarnate and put together another recap

im also gonna recap what happened w/ the last event w/ fox bc that’s direct backstory to what’s happening on c-i rn!

speaking of, yall should follow @corruption-incarnate to see what digger’s up to and like, also bc ossy is cool as hell

#mun speaking #Anonymous #ask

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Right then, so, you should probably take a breather. First things first, this is only temporary. It won’t last forever, something simple like this normally won’t have long term consequences. In all honesty it’s good you found out we can mess with you in real life this way rather than us doing something like bringing Benrey out into your world. M!A’s will happen every once in a while, anons like to mess with people, sometimes in good fun like this... other times not so much. So, uh, yarnball?

JOHN: Can I-- can I say no to making Benrey real, by the way? I don't want a fucked up creature loose in my house. JOHN: (...Says the catboy that's going to go find an alien.) JOHN: How temporary is "temporary"? My chair is not meant for tails, bro.

[ 4 / 13 ]

#muse; hazardous environments #johndon catboy m!a #art response #oh god how do i draw again. #Anonymous #ask #arc; experimental build

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Is it time to press F for RR?

not yet it ain’t!

c’mon, i got this! 

#muse; rainbow road #event; arrhythmic beats #Anonymous #ask #corruption incarnate

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Benrey is Mattkin, actually gotta update sye with that knowlege :P

benrey scrawls “matt palanauts ai dungeon 2” below “sans undertale” at the very bottom of their kinlist so it looks like this:

#mun speaking #muse; passport guardian #arc; experimental build