sicsemper

[sicsemper]

i have finished ff7 rebirth and have been processing the ending for like two straight days because... well.

that said, this is not gonna be a spoiler free zone SO -- anything i post that is spoilery will be tagged with "/ spoilers" or put under a read more. or both!

#「 blog 」 ooc. #my apologies to anyone seeing this twice!! but wanted to slap it on here too since i'm bound to write zack

[sicsemper]

ZACK FAIR ↳ requested by anonymous

#in case anyone is wondering this is still a zack fair stan account (no one was wondering) #seeing him for the .5 seconds i've seen him in rebirth so far was a religious experience i stg i was just #internal screaming the whole time #「 zack fair 」 so what if it seems hopeless? if it were me — i still wouldn't give up. #「 zack fair / countenance 」 vis. #like yeah ngl zack and cloud are going to be getting literally all of my attention after i finish this game #like. for the foreseeable future jdfkj

[sicsemper]

thanks to having friends who love me dearly ya boy was finally able to get what he needed to pre-order rEBIRTH ;w;

#「 blog 」 ooc. #tbd #all previous tags also apply here like hNnNNNnNn #sorry if you follow me both places JDFKJKFJDG #seein' it twice

[sicsemper]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐊𝐎 𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐅 𝐒𝐈𝐓𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐏𝐀𝐋𝐌 𝐎𝐅 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐃, its fragility felt as it shivers on a gentle breeze. it holds his golden gaze in his trepidation and transgression; something easy to guard his attention, rather than to risk raising his eyes to find that he had disappointed the man stood before him. even the weight of eyes on him was not yet enough to draw his gaze ––– until he heard a sigh fall from the other's lips that weighed heavier on his shoulders than any other stone. xiao's eyes flicker up just in time to catch the tail end of the shake of zhongli's head, and the beating of his heart echoes in the hollow of his chest.

                                               you found the answers you sought.

he is not entirely certain if he did, and the sentiment causes a disapproving curl of his lip as his fingers curl to crush the leaf in his hand; eyes once again dropping to the wooden floor of the balcony. self deprecation was perilous and, ultimately, useless ––– yet it plagued him in times such as this: in which he tucked his hands, leaf still crumbled in his palm, back in the crooks of his elbows. his mind could perhaps be laid to rest on the matter, but the question of a memorial only brought to mind the memory of a crypt; and blond hair, braided, rustling in the wind. what use was a memorial that would one day collect dust and be forgotten just as its purpose would be?

                but never by him ––– until he, too, lay in the depths of the stone cold earth.

he swallows, stretches out his hand to uncurl his fingers so that the breeze might carry the broken pieces of the gingko leaf away on the wind. "perhaps the chasm itself serves such a purpose," he murmurs. and then he wonders aloud, "and as a warning."

𝐇𝐀𝐃 𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐃 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐉𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐘? No. He had thought it a reckless pursuit, regardless whether he understood the motivations behind it or not. A small ‘hm’ at his answer; gaze shifting from the landscape to Xiao – then back again. The price had almost been too high; for what good was an answer if the one who had found it would be lost anyway? He looked too small, slumped in such a way; he’d recognise that anywhere. Punishment. Words of beration would be no use, but neither would he offer words of comfort. Perhaps another might; but self-punishment was much deeper than anything anyone else could hand out. Even him, and he could see Xiao was punishing himself enough. 

Though; words spoken had Zhongli realise that Xiao was more concerned over troubling him. Concern. That’s what Zhongli had felt for the Yaksha before him. Releasing a sigh as he closes his eyes and shakes his head slowly. You were simply reckless, and I worried. That was not debatable in his mind; but burdened was not a word he would use either. 

❝ You found the answers you sought. ❞  In that sense, he supposed it was worth the effort; had he been lost however – that would have been different. The cost; not simply to him – but Liyue would have been much too great.  Would he not have done the same if he wished for an answer? If there was a chance for one? Zhongli had known, much like Xiao, what befell the others. Yet the difference between the two of them; Zhongli had been content to simply believe he found the same fate as the rest. 

He, too, watched the leaf fall; it seemed fitting in some way. Almost like a final chapter had finally closed, Zhongli supposed that it was precisely that.

❝ Perhaps a memorial of them would not be a bad idea. ❞ At least a chance to truly close that door, but the apology was unnecessary; and neither was it something he wanted. Opting rather to say nothing about it at all. A memorial, even if memory of them fades from the mortal world. Some shall still remember. 

@sicsemper continued from here

#archoniic #「 xiao 」 could he be dreaming? is a yaksha who never lowers his guard capable of having dreams? #「 xiao / writing 」 thread. #「 xiao / canon verse: main story 」 if death comes knocking at your door — call out my name. i will be here when you call. #we're going to pretend this didn't literally take me 6 months #plot twist i'm alive

[sicsemper]

❝Zack is a SOLDIER 1st Class who has been missing ever since his last mission five years ago. He has a cheerful and friendly disposition and never loses his positive attitude even in the most dire circumstances, cherishing his dreams and honor. He shares a deep bond with both Cloud and Aerith.❞                                        — Final Fantasy VII Remake Ultimania

#goodbye everyone! #nice knowing y'all #i am crying #aequitaes #oh shit i need to harass someone about cloud strife JDFKLG #my time will come JDFKGJK #「 zack fair 」 so what if it seems hopeless? if it were me — i still wouldn't give up. #「 zack fair / countenance 」 vis. #「 zack fair / dyn: aerith 」 i was thinking it'd be a normal day. then some guy fell out of the sky. / that's not all that bad! #「 zack fair / dyn: cloud 」 we're friends... right? #「 zack fair / countenance 」 study. #'shares a deep bond' don't talk to me jdkfjkg #i could go off about zack and aerith and how she is literally exactly the friend he needed when he needed that support #and how tbh i think a lot of folks just throw them into 'oh lovey dovey Meant to Be' when that's not really the case within the canon JDKFKJ #but that initial puppy love does form a deeper connection — it's just not as if they're soulmates and one of the ultimanias states that #either way they're important to each other like goD #and i was yelling about the complexity imparted on him and cloud the other day like #talk about shared trauma holy shit #i need to shut up or i'm just going to keep going #lord jeebus

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#「 zack fair 」 so what if it seems hopeless? if it were me — i still wouldn't give up. #「 zack fair / countenance 」 vis. #the temptation to give him a solo blog like i gave cloud is so high but instead i think i'll just let him run my multi DJKFGHJ #the blase way he just says 'well... this and that' as if he wasn't essentially tortured like he can just write it off as past trauma and #keep going because what other choice does he have in terms of survival #not to mention he doesn't even technically /know/ what was done to him — not to the full extent so how do you even answer this question #no one look at me i'm having f EElings

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In his short and tragic life, with dreams of becoming a hero, this SOLDIER discovered too late the darkness that lurked in the 1st Class. Yet clutching to his pride and the dreams of those who had fallen, he battled on.

#zack fair decided to smack me over the head with a bat today so everyone gets to suffer one (1) post #yes i am alive #but when your job is also to write that's where the brain juice has to go #JKFG #「 zack fair 」 so what if it seems hopeless? if it were me — i still wouldn't give up. #「 zack fair / countenance 」 vis. #bottom right gif literally fucking me up OP so thank u for that #the way i ended up screaming about zifa the moment zack swung the bat and bludgeoned me in the head i stg #i will never change JDKLFG #yes this is my second time reblogging this set don't @ me DJFKGJDFKG #i love it so much it's such a perfect example of zack's journey #of hope vs. disillusionment #and the way everything he once believed in is steadily broken down as he is broken down #fuck me zack why do you of all people have to smack me over the h e AD #god the way he gets HARD like look at the second gif on the right uGHGHGHGH #aND THE THIRD LIKE HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO HOLD ON TO THOSE HOPES AND DREAMS HE HAD LIKE NHNHNNNNNNN

[sicsemper]

#「 dan heng 」 farewells are happening throughout the universe. the grief we share is real — but there's nothing special about it.

#tag drop / #FINALLY #or at least the basics of one #「 dan heng 」 farewells are happening throughout the universe. the grief we share is real — but there's nothing special about it. #「 dan heng / writing 」 meta. #「 dan heng / writing 」 thread. #「 dan heng / writing 」 drabble. #「 dan heng / writing 」 wishlist. #「 dan heng / writing 」 dash game. #「 dan heng / audio 」 record. #「 dan heng / inbox 」 answered ic. #「 dan heng / countenance 」 study. #「 dan heng / countenance 」 vis. #「 dan heng / countenance 」 fanart. #「 dan heng / canon verse: imbibitor lunae 」 the truth of life and death — revealed in an instant. this sanctuary is but a vision. #dan heng tbt

[sicsemper]

Clinks from a spoon as he stirs his coffee in the morning. He inhaled the aroma in a way that was most pleasant that morning as it drifted into his nostrils. His hair hadn't been fixed, and he hadn't yet dressed appropriately for public - but he had an image to uphold. Though Kaveh was unaware that he was well spoken of, he always took pride in his appearance.

The architect slipped Alhaitham's mug to him, lingering at the touch of their hands for a moment or three before offering a soft smile. Just a soft blush would reach his cheeks, highlighting the features of his face before he went back to his room. "I may be back late today, so I thought we could meet at the tavern later to eat?" he called as he undressed, dressed, and fastened everything.

"I still have some mora left," referring to what Cyno gave him for the TCG Card purchase. After returning to where Alhaitham stood, he searches behind the counter for his hair clips, which, if he remembers correctly, were behind his roommate. Instead of asking him to move, he stands in front of him and reaches around. When his gaze caught Alhaitham's, his eyes twinkled, a sudden rush - a warmth, perhaps a result of other thoughts he was beginning to constantly think about the scribe.

In his grasp, the red clips were clenched tightly. His head tilts upwards as he gauges the reaction, hesitating as he leaned. He was uncertain whether the delay was due to internal panic or because the feelings were reciprocated, since Alhaitham could pull away at any moment. When their lips were about to touch, he paused - one last chance to pull away - before embracing Alhaitham in a kiss he had long awaited. In that moment, Kaveh felt every emotion, maybe even a bit too transparent as Kaveh's heart raced as he felt Alhaitham's lips against his. He felt a wave of relief as the fear of rejection slowly dissipated. Without knowing how this scene might end, he savored every second of it.

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐇𝐀𝐒 𝐀𝐋𝐖𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐍… 𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐀𝐁𝐋𝐄. in the most definitive sense of the word; their home held windows made solely of stained glass, and to say it served to distract, at times, put it ever so lightly. when the sun slipped past the curved trunk of the tree at the center of all of the city, hitting the glass just right, it lit the kitchen in delicate hues: an artistry that painted everything it touched. alhaitham's own attire often swallowed it entirely; the dark strokes of blacks and even the greens soaking up the light like a blackened abyss. kaveh, by contrast, reflected the light vibrantly, even as green eyes ––– coaxed away from the mug that was placed warmly within his hands ––– linger on the way the stained glass paints the lighter blonds of kaveh's hair.

this particular morning, it seemed, it served to distract more effectively than others. perhaps due to a lack of sleep, or a lack of caffeine to draw his mind out of this strange sense of drifting. perhaps it was the warmth of a rising sun spreading its fingers just wide enough to reach past the trunk. regardless, kaveh's words seemed to drift equally as his own thoughts; not dully as in one ear and out the other, but rather a lingering mist that didn't quite allow him to process them fully. instead, alhaitham's eyes are focused on the way the flowing waves of kaveh's hair reflect and shift the patterns of the light ––– and he wonders, idly, how his typical braids might further warp the design. as his gaze falls steadily down, his attention catches on the flush of kaveh's cheeks when it is undeniably far too late. it brings a furrow to his brow.

                                       when had kaveh drawn so close to––– ?

lips brush his own with a tenderness that causes his lashes to flutter, disorienting, immediate. accidental?

no. there was no rationalizing the sudden palpitation of his heart, nor the way it hammered in his chest; nor the sudden waspish droning between his ears. there is a sharp inhale through his nose, subtle yet feeling stifling, before the crash of a ceramic mug hitting the tiled floor breaks through his haze with cruel, piercing clarity. his coffee, once held between them in strong hands, is now spread at their feet ––– his favorite mug split cleanly into three pieces, scattered on the floor.

yet he remains frozen, and not another breath is drawn from his lungs.

until his lungs feel as if they are withering within his ribs and he wakes, gasping. "fuck–––" breathless, he is trapped between kaveh and the counter. his hands feel cold. there is a numbness at his fingertips that remains ever so familiar in its association with kaveh. still, cold hands move instead to grip kaveh's hips, and he turns their positions; arms flexing as he forcefully lifts kaveh up, onto the countertop. "don't–––" the wasps return with a vengeance as alhaitham steps to the side to snatch the dry dish rag that hangs over the faucet of the sink. "don't move."

he swallows, thickly, and drops to one knee to start wiping up as much as the rag will hold. he only realizes his jaw is clenched far too tightly when he next tries to speak, and it has to press through his teeth. "you'll–––" perhaps frustration was inevitable, and his uncertainty as to its aim only serves to make the bolt of his jaw tick. "–––cut your feet."

#aequitaes #did this go the way you were expecting? JDFKL #「 alhaitham 」 all intellectuals are lunatics in the eyes of fools. i'll take that as a compliment. #「 alhaitham / inbox 」 answered ic. #「 alhaitham / canon verse: main story 」 i don't need to fight — i only need to think. everything is connected. #how's that nunnery lookin kaveh #i stg everything we do is in the kitchen but the kitchen is the heart of the home u feel me #this kitchen is so important JDFKGL

[sicsemper]

Sinner

#calamitosi #dan heng tbt #「 dan heng / countenance 」 vis. #hNNNNNNNNN #i'm gonna end up insane about the religious themes with these two it's not gonna be normal or healthy #my time will come DJFGKL #like religious themes AND gay? i'm returning to my roots djfklgjkfk #「 dan heng 」 farewells are happening throughout the universe. the grief we share is real — but there's nothing special about it.

[sicsemper]

Two halves that together complete wholeness

#calamitosi #gotta tag you!! #dan heng tbt #「 dan heng / countenance 」 vis. #still waiting on finishing his tags RIP me JDFK we don't talk about it i'm just vibin' #but ren is particularly beautiful in this art and i had to reblog :3 #「 dan heng 」 farewells are happening throughout the universe. the grief we share is real — but there's nothing special about it.

[sicsemper]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐊𝐈𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐀 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐎𝐍 𝐑𝐎𝐎𝐌 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐒 ––– a safe haven they both had a tendency to gravitate toward whether it be first thing in the morning, or in the middle of the pitch black night. they each had a tendency for their schedules, and kaveh had a tendency to mess about with his by staying up until all random hours working on a project in the confines of his bedroom like a complete gremlin. it's times like this, as he leans back against the countertop, folds his arms over his chest, that he recognizes with complete, unforgiving clarity that this is the life he's chosen.

and, remarkably, that he wouldn't actually change it.

"you're deflecting," he notes, matter of fact and preceded by a click of his tongue. his hands flex over his bare biceps, and the book he'd been carrying with him is tucked between his arms and his chest. alhaitham is, admittedly, not entirely sure how they ended up on this age old argument again so early in the morning. other than the fact that kaveh told him he gave away the last of his spare money again last night. a beggar in need is a beggar indeed, and — evidently — makes kaveh a poor man. "and if suffering your own mistakes is the only thing that will help you learn, i see little to no other option." a wave of his hand, mirroring kaveh's own flick of the wrist.

eyes as green as glass track kaveh's movements with devoted intent out of pure habit. as he watches the familiar red clips tuck his hair back, he notices that kaveh is, for the time being, foregoing his usual braids. alhaitham's eyes narrow a fraction, his eyebrow twitching as if a tick. that shouldn't bother him as much as it does. it shouldn't bother him at all.

but it does.

setting the book aside — far from the sink, he's not making that mistake twice ( funny how some people learn from those ) — as kaveh steps up to the counter to start their usual morning brew, alhaitham pushes himself off the opposite counter. he steps in behind kaveh, reaches up with a sense of confidence he perhaps shouldn't have; but to say this would be the first time would be a blatant lie. his fingers are nimble as he removes one clip, holding it between his lips as he combs long fingers through blond hair. separating it into three strands, he begins to braid it. the clip wobbles between his lips as he speaks around it. "maybe i just want you to save even an ounce of mora to your name so you can stop acting so miserable," he says.

“we’ve been arguing about this for years — and as admirable as your altruism might be on the surface — tell me: does clinging to that idealism do anything more than make you blind to the root of your shortcomings? face the facts — that’s not the kind of world we live in.” / alhaitham for kaaaaaveh

@sicsemper & alhaitham (husband)

𝑨𝒔 𝑨𝒍𝒉𝒂𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒎 𝒑𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒖𝒕, 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒐𝒑𝒊𝒄 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒄𝒖𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒔, so why does it continue to resurface somehow? "Perhaps it's something you just can't understand." A huff under his breath, a clip between his lips as he pins his hair back for the day as he speaks with Alhaitham, who resides in the hallway. A stubborn individual, admittedly. His troubled past made him believe he was unworthy of true happiness since he was responsible for a broken family. Even though he took steps slowly, his actions reflected that.

"It isn't a bad trait to think of others, Alhaitham. That being said, yes, it was inevitably wasted energy for those that dropped from the project. But, it reflected our dedication to the cause, did it not?"Inserting a red clip, followed by a second. An attempt was made to undermine Alhaitham's point with a wrist movement, accompanied by the slide of a feathered pen in his hair. "Why do you continue to raise the point as though my view might change? Why do you always make these comments when you know my thoughts?" continuing to deflect from the point of the scholar's case.

With stern eyes and a clipped voice, he turned on his heel. "To help others and consider them could be something you could learn from. You are on the complete opposite, and you would rather let people suffer and learn lessons for themselves." A sigh; this was already getting repetitive and strenuous. "That being said, I do not think you are entirely selfish. You did open your home to me.... and for that, I am grateful." Voice quieter.

No matter what the past had brought about, they still remained under the same roof. It was never in Kaveh's expectations that Alhaitham would change; Despite the architect's under-the-breath expressions of emotions, Kaveh knew him better than most - annoyingly so. Their approach vastly different, and as a result, Kaveh could only hope to some extent that they could reach a compromise. Or it would lead to the architect walking away. But, considering the day had yet to start, and the blonde was about to brew coffee for the pair, that option wasn't viable.

#aequitaes #「 alhaitham 」 all intellectuals are lunatics in the eyes of fools. i'll take that as a compliment. #「 alhaitham / writing 」 thread. #「 alhaitham / canon verse: main story 」 i don't need to fight — i only need to think. everything is connected. #bet you didn't think it was gonna be this one huh DJFGL #what if i said fuck my formatting bc i'm old and tired of it #hope you enjoy the reason i gave for them to be arguing DJF

[sicsemper]

today we are thinking about one (1) thing in two images: this & this

and how desperately i wish i could reblog them on this hellsite

#aequitaes #「 blog 」 ooc. #「 alhaitham / dyn: kaveh 」 lofty ideals may provide no defense at all against nihilism. but perhaps little decisions can. #「 alhaitham 」 all intellectuals are lunatics in the eyes of fools. i'll take that as a compliment. #「 alhaitham / countenance 」 vis. #i'm making a spider verse it fits him SO WELL no one can stop me i stg #i literally cannot express how obsessed i am with the second artwork and this whole concept #like the black and gold suit with the green details in the second image #that's it that's his suit

[sicsemper]

I have news for you, boy… Behind you is none other than the traitor of the Xianzhou! A criminal, forever banished! The High Elder of the Vidyadhara… Imbibitor Lunae!

#dan heng tbt #「 dan heng / countenance 」 vis. #calamitosi #KAY I'M STILL ??? HELP #'i'm not him' HnNnNnNnNNnNN #please be proud of me i made progress today (not a lot bc the simulated universe distracted me BUT) #gotta get that jade for the husband #「 dan heng 」 farewells are happening throughout the universe. the grief we share is real — but there's nothing special about it.

[sicsemper]

HONKAI: STAR RAIL — EVEN IMMORTALITY ENDS DAN HENG 🪷 IMBIBITOR LUNAE

#dang heng tbt #「 dan heng / countenance 」 vis. #calamitosi #kAAAAAAAY I'M SO SCA R ED #;w; #my little dragon #ren's* little dragon djflgk #DON'T MIND ME CRYING #while i work on random code things bc i deleted them before like a dumbass #「 dan heng 」 farewells are happening throughout the universe. the grief we share is real — but there's nothing special about it.

[sicsemper]

HONKAI: STAR RAIL — JING YUAN'S ULTIMATE 煌煌威灵，遵吾敕命。斩无赦！

#sir....... #sir........... #......................... #tbt #jing yuan tbt

[sicsemper]

「 cyno 」 the sands devour and new life emerges. in the cycle of life and death whatever is sewn will be reaped. every soul will be weighed.

#tag drop / #「 cyno 」 the sands devour and new life emerges. in the cycle of life and death whatever is sewn will be reaped. every soul will be weighed. #「 cyno / writing 」 meta. #「 cyno / writing 」 thread. #「 cyno / writing 」 wishlist. #「 cyno / writing 」 dash game. #「 cyno / audio 」 record. #「 cyno / inbox 」 answered ic. #「 cyno / countenance 」 study. #「 cyno / countenance 」 vis. #「 cyno / countenance 」 fanart. #「 cyno / dyn: alhaitham 」 i don't like people who are too smart. he's one of the reliable ones. he's often actually in control of things. #「 cyno / misc 」 parade of providence. #「 cyno / canon verse: main story 」 good deeds and bad... in the end all will be placed upon the scales.