sing-it-out-anonymous

[sing-it-out-anonymous]

March 26, 2023

it's been awhile since my last post. 3 months is just a blink of an eye. next week april na jud. last year was such a challenge for me. although karon na year is bearable, but there are a lot of things nga naa sa akong huna-huna. last time i posted here was the breaking of the new year, and the one that stuck in my mind was my new year's resolution: to eradicate a victim mindset" - a mentality that keeps hunting me. every time i feel the chaos, i feel that mentality is eating me alive. it's just that if i avoid that feeling, ma feel sad nako na i'm in denial sa akong hurts inside. i really wanted to be free from this mentality, but every failure i have, i am drawn to be a victim. it hurts me inside, something i cannot share with someone coz i felt so selfish. am i worth something ? nagsabot naman mi, but why i always felt cheated on, wala pa sia na actualize but i felt gi-cheat nako nila sa akong huna-huna. am i not worth something ? who am i ? do i need to be thankful sa mga butang na gihatag ninyo sa ako ? i just want to make it my effort. i want to make things na hago sad nako. but i always felt na naa koy utang na loob sa inyo, na you always make me please you. i give what you deserve and you don't give me something i deserve. palamunin ba ko ? i feel that naa ko permi diri doing the best na kaya nako. i know na gi-sweldohan ko, pero murag untang na loob pa nako inyong gipang sweldo sa ako ? ing-ani ka useless akong na feel inside. ngano dili man ko kasabot pud sa inyong gibati ? siguro kung kabalo mo na ginabati na ko ni, basig dili sad ninyo na ginabuhat. pero grabe ka sugar coated ang words, yet i am so close to you. siguro dili nako kaya inyong ginabuhat soz inyong ginabuhat is para sa tanan, pati sa mga tao na wala naningkamot. do u know nga malain ko every time ihatag ninyo ang mga butang na dili deserve pud nila ? kanang wala lang man naningkamot. ngano mas nakita man nako akong kaugalingon nga gapaningkamot ko pero kulang akong nadawat sa inyo ? dili unta ko gusto na fair mig madawat. pero dili man nako na gunit. pwede katong para sa ako, ako lang ? i really hate your words. just like eowyn said in LOTR " your words are poison". your words they're like candy, so sweet and yet if i don't brush my teeth it woud make my teeth have cavities. i really admire the side of you, the side nga gapaningkamot jud, i don't have that ideas. however, you don't know how to treat your subordinates. oki ka sa first, pag wala pay na accomplish, gutumun ang makadungog sa imo. pero pag padulungay nata, pasakitan nimog storya--kulang nalang ingnun nimo nga dili ko worth it. unsa diay imo gusto mahitabo na wala koy dapat madawat ? dili siguro nimo makita akong hago. see guys, i feel like victim. i'm sorry na nakabasa mog ing-ani sa ako. unta maningkamot kog ako, para dili na nako ni bation. :)

[sing-it-out-anonymous]

hello 2023 <3

Happy new year my tumblr anonymous friends. it's been a while jud. my last post was March 2022. Daghan jud nahitabo sa akong year. and i thank God jud sa tanan for surviving this year sa mga challenges mentally, emotionally, and financially. these are the things i've learn and/or acknowledge from 2022: 1. that i need to surrender my future sa Ginoo. i cannot hold everything in my hands. i need to be idealistic and realistic at the same time. they said that having a "God" is just an excuse for not making it in my own strength. actually i made things from my own strength--without knowing. but my strength and my energy won't last. however, God's strength gives me peace of mind, og naka-survive ko. "Trusting" God is so vast that i need to ask God for Him to lead me into trusting Him. 2. all my worries didn't come true. i have fears. sa tinuod lang i was so fearful basig mga butang na gusto nako aboton dili nako makuha. i was so down, i thought whatever we have will be devastated. despite sa mga wrong decisions, God lead us to a path where maskin dili automatic ang tanan, he taught us the process of labor. actually nagsayang-sayang kog worry. nagsayang-sayang ko sa akong kusog for nothing. that's so shameful. i accumulate things more than i ever ask for, contrary sa mga gina worry nako. and to add, i shouldn't be worrying of earthly things, these things should not destroy my identity because who i am is not dependent on where i am now. 3. where we lived now is a proof that God gives and He takes away. what we have is more than what we could ask for. and the challenges nga naa sa among kamot can overwhelm us. 4. i discovered that i have a victimhood-mentality. yep. it's a shame, growing up knowing who God is and having this kind of mentality sucks. na discover lang pa jud nako thru the book i'm reading, and sa instagram posts. i need to change this mentality. very subtle and gives me subliminal messages--i hate this--gives me an unhealthy mindset. maka down og immune system. i need to find ways to STOP this drama. akong first step is to know the ROOT of it, the cause of it. dili pwede magpadayon kog ing-ani. maapektuhan akong future family og akong abilities. i think these mindset nagsugod sa among genes, hereditary. wala ni nikalit og butho sa ako, but because ing-ani sad akong sphere of influence. and i do believe Jesus is able to break these chains. that's why i am able to say na kaya nako ni mawala sa ako because of Jesus. 5. i learn that i shouldn't live for myself only. this world is such a lonely place to live in. kapag daghan kag nadawat and you feel empty inside. i need to search for something greater than my wants--something that can lasts, something that no one can burn down. 6. that intermittent fasting is not enough. i need to work on the foods. i need to have a regular menstruation. i should monitor the foods that i intake. and doing this stuff dili dapat makahatag og anxiety sa ako, rather excitement. 7. one of my friend said " piliun lang nato atong gusto problemahun" . naay mga butang na dili dapat na nato probelamahun, mga butang na gawas sa akong plato. coz mostly ana ko. stick lng dpat ko sa akong makaya-e maximize nako akong ma-maximize. 8. let's try to be more than positive. "positivity" is not sustainable. let's do something that can sustain us. sometimes we trick ourselves na positive ta pero toxic na diay atong gina huna huna. i think mao nani tanan. i'm mentally & emotionally better now than 2021. and i'm going to continue that recovery from the effects of post-pandemic era. pandemic era really hit me, maybe because, i was unconciously not okay mentally. i thank God na nahitabo ni sa ako, kay i'm still young and able to combat these mess. sorry wala kaayo ko naga write na diri. i have a journal, and i write things there. mas easy for me :) i hope we don't dwell on the caves we built. Once again, happy new year folks :) -A

#davao city #bisdak #cebuano

[sing-it-out-anonymous]

And that... i believe that i can do a difference to where i am now. I can do better.

[sing-it-out-anonymous]

“Don’t use your energy to worry. Use your energy to believe.”

— Unknown

[sing-it-out-anonymous]

I thank God for the warmth.

[sing-it-out-anonymous]

Today’s Theme: It’s too good to be true

[sing-it-out-anonymous]

Hi, its been awhile, i know it’s a bit unfair nga taga-log in na kog tumblr, most of the time bad news akong ma share. I know you don’t deserve my sad stories, but when i’m happy i forgot to talk about my challenges. I can’t deny that i’m a bit disappointed sa situation nga naa ko. Disappointed because dili man na ko mabuhat nga mahimong honest diri. All i can is the surface of everything. I don’t want to get drag sa akong gibati, i don’t deserve anxiety attacks and stress. Siguro need lang na ko mahimong contented and not to forget the things nga nahitabo sa ako. I should accept these unbearable feeling, move on and move forward, but not forget what i learn from these things.Para sa ako pud, siguro wala lang mi nagkasinabot sa among roles. We thought we were bind from the papers than blood. I hope it goes that way. But papers are useless because blood comes first. I can’t remake the past. It was really unfair to me, pero parehas sa giingon sa akong mama kung magpadayon ko sa akong ginabati, diha magsugod ang away-away. Mao diay na nuh, every one has a history of its own. If i don’t turn off the fire inside me, it will result to a wild fire soon. Maybe to the other party, gibuhat pud niya iyang best. Maybe na hurt pud sila kay ing-ani sad among pagkasabot. He hoped that i am wrong. I was hoping that he is wrong. But we’re wrong all along. Haha. I deserve to forgive them because life is not just about earthly things. But para dili ta ma stress, let us not forget the things that brought us down. Let us learn from it.

#bisdak #bisaya #davao city #davao del sur #davao #davaocity #mindanao #bisayatagalogenglish #davao conyo

[sing-it-out-anonymous]

I’m avoiding asking “whys”, i don’t want you to feel uneasy. However, if you wanted me to blurt your whys, help me though, give me a queue. 😁

[sing-it-out-anonymous]

“Detachment is not that you should own nothing, but that nothing should own you.”

— Ali ibn abi Talib

[sing-it-out-anonymous]

[sing-it-out-anonymous]

[sing-it-out-anonymous]

Open Letter No. 33

Hi, sorry guys kung tabian kaayo ko recently, there are a lot of unsaid things. but today, i love to share this with you one of the best things in life na na-realize nako when covid began: home cooked foods. yes guys, that's right better than jollibee, restaurants. sa among balay wala man jud kaayo mi naga luto og mga extravagant filipino foods like caldereta, afritada, ginataang gulay, sinigang na baboy or fish, foods na makita lang nimo sa mga filipino restaurants. because of work and hectic schedules, no one would really do efforts to rediscover this beautiful foods. og kung huna hunaon nimo, it's so pricey for me to spend almost 1,000+ pesos for the ingredients alone, gasolina, time pa nimo muadto og mall. sa balay it's always the mainstream easy cooked foods. mao before covid time i was so in to food panda deliveries i was so amaze nga whatever i want nga pagkaon nga naa sa akong huna-huna pwede na nako mapalit, like kung gusto kog tortang talo makapalit ko, hangtod niabot ang pandemic didto na ko nakaila ang Grab Foods coz compare sa food panda mas syncronize ang deliveries and maka communicate pa ka sa driver--i can make alterations. maskin naa ko sa office or sa balay, i can eat whatever i want to eat. sorry guys mejo off topic na ba ko? pero mao jud ni ang sugod sa story. please bare with the writer :) so, year 2020 to mid year 2021 grabe akong gasto. i am not millionaire or a person nga "extravagant" job. i was just a common and ordinary person, nga wala lang jud koy ginagastusan sa akong life coz i was living under my parent's roof.there was a time that i am spending TOO MUCH of money just for the foods, and mura bag kato na time akong tan aw sa amount sa delivery fees kay piso ra. I wasn't thinking "straight". i was spending too much coz i don't like to be in isolation with foods. if i like food, 95% of me wants to share food with people na gusto nako ma experience nila akong joy, na maskin naa ra ko sa balay i can eat the food na gusto nako.meaning akong gina order na food is more likely good for 3 or more persons depending kung kinsa akong kauban ana. wala ko nag huna-huna na i am wasting money, wala gani koy tarong nga savings na ana na time. hunaa gud, pandemic + kaon = hagba jud ka financially. i even linked my credit card to my grab app kay para maskin wala koy kwarta i can still buy, pay, and enjoy. back then, the only realization i had was " life is temporary" why not eat want you want haha until finally, by God's grace, nakamata ko sa akong "not okay" lifestyle. na realize nako na i was so addicted with buying foods online. i realize wala na ko naka save og money. dili ko shopper guys pero mura kog every day shopping sa pagkaon. kung mangutana mo, nanaba ba ko? yep, i gain weight usahay i lose the weight, average lng jud akong timbang, the foods na akong wala na ginakaon is home foods. that time, if dili na ko feel mukaon sa food sa balay, i will buy another food. ang importante guys nakamata nako sa realiad nuh. wala na ko gipakuyawan akong self sa pag stop. first i gather the facts and kung unsa akong current financial situation. i put goals na mag ipon balik, to pay first my investments. and gi kwenta na ko na tanan. that was way better than spending all the money on foods na dili man nako need.  ang first nako gibuhat, tanan na akong balance sa credit card gibayaran nako tong Dec 2021. nag decided ko na dili ko magpalit og any new clothes or something new sa christmas. i paid them all maskin advance na ako status, wala pay due pero gibayaran nako. so all my allowance, salary, 13th month... TANAN... gibayad nako sa credit card. because niabot na ang amount og ing-ana. walang wala jud ko sa dec 2021 guys. halos tanan trabahante nag celebrate sa 13th month buy spending something, but i rather pay my debts first so that i can start a new goal sa 2022. ako man gung gina huna-huna na, unsaon man nako pag ipon kung naa koy ginabayaran nga utang pa sa credit card? so need nako e back to zero tanan.  i wanted to start year 2022 with a different perspective. so balik sa akong una na statement, one of the best things in life is home cooked foods. mao na akong gina search guys. how can i achieve cheap home cooked foods without spending too much money. then na isip na ko, daghan man diay og calenderia/eatery sa gawas sa office why not buy foods didto, actually gapalit man jud kog pagkaon sa calenderia pero naka stop ko kay kapoyan kog baktas kanang init ang adlaw, manimaho pa jud tag bata na nagdula dula sa adlaw. wala sad kaayo ko nagabaon kay unsa man say ma prepare sa morning na bag o pang mata ang mga tao. og kung magbaon sad ko, bugnaw na sad ang food. dili jud nako na bet, bahalag itlog akong sud an basta init ang rice og ang egg. so nangita kog eatery na worth it ang pagkaon. previously tong mga eatery na ako nakaonan diri banda sa office, di jud nako bet, mao sad ma discourage ko, walay something new pud na mga putahe. hangtod naka discover ko og eatery na lahi lahi ilang putahe sa MWF and TThS, ganahan kaayo ko kay lami jud silag foods. ang challenge lang kay layo gamay sa amo office need nako mubaktas back and forth og approx. 15 mins, usahay ulan pa jud, ushay pud perting inita. pero didto gihapon ko naga order og food then sa office ra ko mukaon. then kadugayan, na realize nako naay kulang. ang kulang kay ang temperature sa food. i don't like eating food na bugnaw na. most sa mga calenderia diri, dili naman jud tantong init. warm-warm nalang sia tungod kay taod-taod napud sia giluto. good thing lang jud pud kay fresh pa jud ang foods og init ang rice. pero still dili pa sia the best para sa ako. and then kadugayan nangita kog bag-ong calenderia, because as time goes by natingala ko ilang food baho man og cockroach, it really pissed me off. super. mao nibalik kog food deliveries napud, for the meantime. hangtod naka discover kog bag ong calenderia dapit ra kaayo sa among office, bag o ra sila nag open, ganahan ko sa ilang foods, something new pud, naa sad akong favorite na vegie dish. so nag stick ko didto. since 11am ko nagapalit og sud an (kay kung 12 pa ka mupalit wala nay mga sud-an, sold out dayun), og ang lunch time kay 12pm, bugnaw jud ang foods. so nangita kog way para ma init, hangtod naka agi kog item sa shoppee nga food steamer, baonan type iyang size tama lang jud sa foods na ako gina order. nasulbad ang tanan. so every time mag order ko sa 11am, ako initun balik quarter to 12, and pakals na dayun. lami kaayo ang feeling guys. kanang init imong ginakaon. worth it. that's it. until now i am satisfied. i can eat the foods na gusto nako kaonan, init ang food pag kaonon na ko, and affordable price pa. i was spending less than 1/4 amount sa akong daily spending sa una. makaingon ko na, i was proud of how things turned out. narealize na ko na not all expensive things are the best things in life. rather, it's about meeting daily needs in a rational way. i am not saying na wala na jud ko naga order online, naga order nalang ko kung naay mga celebrations or mga ana, at least not to the extent na dili na ko maka save. not everything that makes us happy is worth it. some times the best things in life are hidden, it needed effort or sacrifice para makita nato na mao diay toh. the food is not big deal for me, my financial status is. but foods are beautiful too, what is life without beautiful food? right? am i sharing too much? gusto pa jud ko mag share pero my eyes are killing me. needed to rest. sorry hehe and thank you for making my piece exist. love, A

#davao city #davao #Davao conyo #DavaoCity #Davao Del Sur #mindanao #Bisaya

[sing-it-out-anonymous]

How to know God

[sing-it-out-anonymous]

[sing-it-out-anonymous]

[sing-it-out-anonymous]

Open Letter No. 32

Dear Friend,

daghan nag nahitabo wala pa nahuman ang week. wala ko kabalo asa ko mag sugod. peo magsugod ta kagahapon.

actually kagahapon, okay ra jud unta akong week. sa dihang naay mga nahitabo na sa akong side nakahatag sa ako og “ mini-anxiety attack” and hangtod run ang side effect naa pa, pero at least i’m getting better, fighting my emotions, accepting the things that i need to accept. siguro nahitabo na sia because of psychologically “discomforted” ko sa iya in a way nga he/she attacks people not on the back but kung dili gani sia ganahan sa tao he/she publicize kung unsa iyang na feel, to the point na mu-gain sia og so called online emotional supporters. 

it was my fault in the first place, i was trying not to offend the person kay dili ko ganahan og misunderstanding. i was this kind of person nga pranka ko, but gina try jud na ko akong best na dili ta ka personalon, that mistakes are okay and we can do better next time. but then lahi akong na inform sa iya, i was trying to blurt things right but ended up trying to win the situation and resulting na wala jud nako na end in a smooth way ang situation. in a way na nakapangutana siya sa ako, and it pissed me off because wala siay right mangutana sa ako. mura bag, i still believe kung unsa akong giingon because i am in that kind of position, wala man kay right mangutana, and kung mangatik ko sa imo maskin pag good intention unta toh kay dli ko gusto mahurt ka,  gawas na ka ato, wala na ka sa boundary para makabalo ato na mga information, because it supposed to be that way. nalain lang ko kay i was justifying myself resulting to lying and manipulating the situation, na stress jud ko. i don’t want to be connected in any way possible sa akong daily routine sa iya, not because i don’t want to be their friend, rather dili ko ganahan maapil sa drama sa ilang life. kasabot ka ana? complicated na akong life, in a sense na naay mga butang na ako lang nakabalo og dili na ko ma share sa uban, mu-apil pa toh siya. it made me sad coz oki ra man jud unta siya na tao, pero i realize that i need to step back kay mura siag timed bomb and i don’t like na maapil kog ka explode sa iya. na stress ko kay ngano man daw na ko siya problemahun nga gawas man sia sa akong life. dili lang man sad ako ang na stress sa iya. naa pud jud uban nga na stress na sa iya. kung ako mangutana sa iya: “ dili ba nimo makita nga naa kay mali ? imbis na magself pity ka, why not try to act straight?” that person wasn’t thinking straight, and on contrary bright baya nga bata oy; and kung makig storya ka sa ila ikaw pa ang mali. pero dili ba nila makita ang pattern na nahitabo sa ilang life? sa ilang mga part time jobs, wala ba sila natingala na sa ilang mga closes people na katrabaho nila nag step back na sad og hinay-hinay. so kinsa man ang dapat e blame ani ? alangan naman kami? na magkasinabot man gani mi halos tanan tao. pero ngano man jud nga dli ka namo masabtan. if you’re life turned into a mess, what’s the use of pitying ? why not be a better person or basig dili niya ma give up ang mga butang na naka hinder sa iya. 

basta ako lang jung maingon:

please lang ayaw ko ninyo apil-apila sa inyong kabahak. kung gusto ninyo dauton inyong adlaw, hala dauta na. ayaw ko apila kay nagtarong ko na relax lang akong adlaw. and FYI, dili lang ikaw ang naga lisud. you blurted out things as if MAS GRABE KAG GIPAG DAANAN. kung huna hunaon daghan pag mas worse na experiences but here you are trying to symphatize with your own mistakes. og kung huna hunaon dili naman gani dapat e compare ang mga pinagdaanan. you weren’t professional. you intertwine your personal space with work. and don’t blame other people kung asa ka karon, because dako na ta auntie/angkol, maka decided na ka sa imong edad. you’re wasting time trying to justify your excuses. 

i am a hundred steps back away from all of you, life-moment ruiners !!

very sincere,

A

[sing-it-out-anonymous]

Art by Alariko