sinnabonka

[sinnabonka]

There’s this fic where I almost predicted the ending of spn, and once in a while people find it and *giggles*

[sinnabonka]

“This better not awaken anything in me” I think and proceed putting more golden paint on Dean’s bare skin X

buy me a coffee

[sinnabonka]

Not really a theory or question but I thought it was cute how in 14x15 when Sam and Cas come back from that weird town, Dean is like so you got a cardigan and got a girl and Sam turns around and is like :) thanks to Cas. It’s cute to imagine Cas telling Dean these lil things in a phone call and Dean being like “You serious? He wore a cardigan?” And Cas “Yes, Dean, a cardigan”. It’s cute to me that even though that’s not something particularly important to the story it shows that Dean and Cas do have conversations that aren’t based on life/death/apocalypse, if that makes sense. Anyways, thank you for all your posts they’re the only things keeping me sane ily <3

BRING ME MORE THINGS LIKE THIS.

I LOVE IT. WE ALL DESERVE A LITTLE TREAT TODAY.

Sam is pissed, because now he’s always the last to find out about the important stuff. And not so important, too, he’s just the last one to find out about anything these days.

He never catches them talking on the phone, even though he knows they do, but once in a while there’s that quiet buzz in Dean’s pocket, that makes him all jumpy and exited, and Sam just knows who the message is from.

He asks once, out of courtesy, and Dean waves him off and mutters that it’s Cas, like texting with the angle of the lord is no biggie. He totally ignores the second question, too, never reveals the subject of their conversation. Sam never asks again.

The neutral “Castiel” at some point gets replaced by shorter but also cozier “Cas”.

One day the screen of Dean’s phone lights up with another notification and there’s a photo of Cas that Sam has never seen before, with a ridiculous white cowboy hat on, a little sheepish smile and a cute blush painting his cheeks. Sam wonders once again, but never asks.

When Sam calls to tell Cas about their recent case, the angel cuts him off and goes straigh to the point. He rarely needs to hear the whole story anymore, no matter how long he’s been gone, he’s always all caught up.

Sam wonders how the hell Dean manages to drop him a message when they literally just a minute ago were running for their life, or elbow deep in some creatures’ blood, or mid conversation with each other, but then, after another close call in the vamp nest, he sees it.

Dean, silent for a brief moment, with eyes shut and lips moving in a silent prayer. And the penny drops.

Since he knows what to be looking for, he starts noticing it more often. Everything even in the slightest interesting or exiting is instantly passed on to the angel. The secret channel is mostly used for the good news or the funny stuff, as if Dean couldn’t wait another hour to share his ridiculous stories with Cas.

One day, when it’s the other way around, Dean gone and Cas staying back at the bunker, Sam almost brings himself to ask about this little thing they have going on. He clears his throat, looking for the best words to start with.

But then the angel smiles, at the first sight as with no apparent reason, and looks up at him.

“Dean got the pie,” Cas says, still smiling fondly, and grabs his phone to type a reply. “Should I tell him to get anything for you from the store?”

“No, that’s fine.” Sam breaks into a smile. “I have everything I need.”

And the best part is, he knows these two do too.

[sinnabonka]

#me in poland doing the same thing

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‘don’t you want your favourite character to be happy???’ no? i want my favourite character to be interesting. i want me to be happy. which sometimes involves my favourite character being in exquisite agony

#me @ every character I ever cared about: I need you to suffer a bit before you’re happy cause that’s what does it for me

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two important updates

1:

2:

Not to be on tumblr for months just to come back with a personal announcement, heh

#personal #sinnababy is coming

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I hear that

#every corporate employee #but also every parent lol

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“The pull of us”, now complete!

What was it you always said? We’re connected by a thread If we’re ever far apart I’ll still feel the pull of you

- The pull of you, The National.

Saying goodbye to a story is never easy, especially when the journey lasted for six months. Six. Amazing. Months. It was an honor to share this with you, @shelikestv, your version on Dean and Cas will forever stay with me! It was trying, yes, and it sometimes felt like too much, but you did it! You crossed the finish line!

This is my great goodbye. And a big thank you.

For this. For them.

And for you.

[sinnabonka]

PAUSE. REWIND. REPLAY.

inspired by this by @beingforcedtolivebadwriting

He drinks until he’s passed out on the floor. Drinks, watching the feed from the dungeon room on his laptop - he and Cas on screen, gravitating toward each other, two stars headed to destruction.

Cas’ voice, over and over again until the room blurs away, and the world narrows down to three words: “I love you”.

The one thing I want I know I can’t have -- on time, I know I can’t have it on time.

He only says it when it’s too late, when there’s nothing to be done about it. Afraid to hear the bitter truth. Dean was afraid too, he never knew what his own answer was going to be -- until it was too late, until no one was around to hear it, anyway.

Cas. Shards of his heart scattered on the floor.

Rewind. Replay.

I love you.

He pauses the tape, before it’s too late, while he still can pretend this is how it ends. I love you -- and Cas smiles, because this is how it’s supposed to be.

Love is a gift, you keep those. Proud. Precious. Not desperate and heartbreaking.

I love you. I love you. I love you. He’s never taken, he never leaves -- if Dean manages to press pause on time.

I love you.

“And I, you,” to the laptop screen, in the smallest of voices, because that’s all he gets for waiting too long. That’s what he deserves.

I love you.

And I, you.

Was it so hard to say? Just find the words, the simplest of them, and push them out, even if they wanted to stick to his teeth. Let them bounce and roll across the floor.

Let him know.

I love you.

A prayer. A blessing.

I love you.

A curse.

Now just words on a tape, no answer.

There’s a knife in Dean’s hand, still sporting Cas’ blood - it’s the only thing left of him, and if it wasn’t so heartbreaking, it would be telling that only things he left behind were so -- human.

Blood sigil on the door, blood on the knife, blood handprints on his jacket and --

Pause. Rewind. Replay.

I love you.

The hand trembles as the blade cuts into wood, soft and eager under the pressure.

That’s what teenagers do, cut each other’s names into trees. A heart, two names, and “forever.”

I love you.

Rewind. Replay.

I love you.

Because that’s all Dean’s got - his name carved into the tabletop and the “I love you.”

Three words which were supposed to be the beginning of something great.

Instead, they were the end of everything.

support me on ko-fi

[sinnabonka]

It’s two years today, and we’re still stuck in the same painful routine. But we’re alive, and we’re fighting, even though the world doesn’t care anymore.

Today’s my birthday.

And a year since we all (Ukrainians, citizens of neighboring countries and kind hearts from all over the world) got stuck in a limbo called War.

Last year I spent my birthday with my family, at the big table, smiling, and laughing, and joking around. But at the same time nervously checking news on Twitter, scared shitless that the war (such a ridiculous thing in 2022, we thought) may start.

Today, we’re not afraid anymore. In the last year we grew, matured, calloused and hardened. We cried all our fears out. We bled clean of them.

I grew tremendously in those 365 day. Through pain, and awe, and love toward things I never knew how to love before. I finally realized what was the piece missing from me. I found out what being Ukrainian is.

It’s the hardest year of my life, but I am grateful. Amidst all the horrors, a sprout of Hope has never died.

Today, blowing out the candles on my cake, I will wish for love, for health, for Peace. And for everyone to come back home.

And it will happen, despite me saying it aloud.

Thank you.

P.S: see the book my team gave me today, it’s called “Peremoga” (Victory), authored by Ukrainian creators. I couldn’t read it, just started crying. Look how pretty she is!

[sinnabonka]

“The pull of us”, now complete!

What was it you always said? We’re connected by a thread If we’re ever far apart I’ll still feel the pull of you

- The pull of you, The National.

Saying goodbye to a story is never easy, especially when the journey lasted for six months. Six. Amazing. Months. It was an honor to share this with you, @shelikestv, your version on Dean and Cas will forever stay with me! It was trying, yes, and it sometimes felt like too much, but you did it! You crossed the finish line!

This is my great goodbye. And a big thank you.

For this. For them.

And for you.

[sinnabonka]

the only thing that happened in the barn that night was a kiss

[sinnabonka]

have a quick messy sketch of my fave cowboys

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They stand like that for a while, just cherishing the little comfort they can find - a childless parent and a fatherless daughter - in arms of each other.

Fathers & Daughters

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have much more free time (when I don’t feel like doing anything lol cause I’m too tired) on hands, so did something

the kid’s gonna be born on the year of dragon, so

Not to be on tumblr for months just to come back with a personal announcement, heh

#also how to train your dragon is literally the fave movie of my sis and I #sinnababy is coming

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if you were a deity, what would you be the god of

#laziness and creativity #because they are two faces of the same coin in my book #oh how many new ways to do things I created because I was too lazy to do it the “normal’ way

[sinnabonka]

Stay humble, but also, stay excited.

For any followers of mine still living with parents, guardians, family, or even just with roommates and who’ve never lived alone and/or fully on your own terms (whether ye be 16 or 60), I have TWO pieces of wisdom for you for when you eventually do:

You WILL discover that you were wrong about some shit you felt pretty strongly about before. Maybe you never realized how often your mom ACTUALLY cleans the bathroom and it turns out she asked for help really rarely. Maybe, much as it grates to admit, putting $50 into a different savings account every paycheck really IS the ONLY way to save any fucking money. Maybe that big rolling trashcan you resented your roommate putting in the kitchen, and got in that big fight about, really WAS super convenient and now you have to buy one for yourself after they move out and take it with them. Maybe blanching vegetables so they retain their color when cooked actually DOES enhance a meal, pretty food slaps actually, and the reason you didn’t think it was worth the effort is because you were depressed.

You WILL also discover new shit that works SO much better for you than everything you’d been taught. Maybe you’ll discover that dropping trash off at a recycling center at your convenience works way better for your brain than getting it picked up on a set day. Maybe you’ll realize you don’t actually hate tofu, you just hate how your family cooks tofu. Maybe you’ll love being able to walk around the house naked whenever you want. Maybe you’ll find you thrive in a space with giant framed nude photography, or taxidermy animals, or fandom themed Everything. Maybe you’ll realize that keeping the thermostat set like 5 degrees colder (or hotter) than is typical makes you sleep better than you ever have before in your whole life.

The point of this wisdom is: Stay humble, but also, stay excited. There’s no point pretending you weren’t wrong about shit you were wrong about, just eat the crow and move on. But also, there’s so much to look forward to about your own space– even more than you could ever imagine when you don’t have it yet.