Never ever assume someones depression is just a pose.
Becouse someone can feel like shit, and still have good grades.
One can stare at a wall all night and still wake up every morning and still look fine.
One can be minutes away from suicide and still smile.
Don't assume someone is okay, just becouse their depression doesn't look like it does in movies! Depression is different for everyone, but it always can be deadly.
Imagine, that one day you meet a person. At a cafe or at work. And they start to talk to you. They seems so kind and friendly. Just... you feel like you know them for your whole life, when really you just met them. You somehow feel you can tell them anything and they would understand. Imagine that they really, really do understand.
You spent your whole day with them. Or it feels like it, in reality it's just few hours. But you feel like you two have been friends for ages!
Then you realise, you don't even know their name, or who they are, or why do you feel so good around them. They start to tell you about their job. How they talk to people in need and try to help them. People usually find them at the very rock bottom, but some use their service very usually. Every day actually. Also they help very old people to find peace before their final journey.
"Oh! So like an angel!" You smile, half ironically. But the stranger don't. You stop smiling. You two stare at each other for hours. Or maybe seconds. When they say "yes. Exactly like angels."
"Actually. We are looking for someone like you." You froze. "W-what? Like... to be an angel. Actual angel! You are kidding right? What's wrong with you mate?" You laugh a bit nervous. They don't.
For two hours they tell you about their work, their boss. Everything. It's all making sense! Which is really disturbing to you. Finally they ask you the final question. "So. Do you want to be an angel?"
Mostly out of curiosity you slowly nod. They take you to a roof. Both of you are standing on the very edge.
"What are we doing here?" You ask.
"You can't be an angel, while being alive. Can you?" They reply, as you start to loose the ground from below your toes.
It's sad that when I started to be really rude on a man who sexualised me, some elderly man told me, that 'I would be hella surprised if he beaten me up now.'
Instead of telling the man to shut up or even shut up himself. He decided to protect the predator.
They just banned abortions in Alabama. Absolute ban. They won't let you get a abortion in you will die while giving birth, if the baby will born dead, if you get pregnant becouse of rape! They won't let you get an abortion if you was raped at the age of 12.
They will force you to go through pregnancy and giving birth before you firstly had legal sex, before you can vote, before you can drink. They force you to gave birth even before you can vahe ID!
25 senators voted agains abortions. All republicans. Not one democrat voted like that. Not one woman.
25 man decided the faith of all woman in Alabama.
If a doctor still preforms an abortion, he can get up to 99 years of prison. Abortion is now considered Class A Felony. The rapist will get out of a prison sooner than the doctor who get rid of the most horrible memory.
Mother's love is strong. But can you really love something that came from pain, blood, violence and hate. Can you love a baby that came from a rape?
The blue states allow you to get an abortion if you want it. The rest only at some circumstances. The orange states don't see rape as a reason to get an abortion. The black ones no matter what. You have to keep it. Alabama is now one of them.
We live in 21st century don't we? I am not sure at the moment. Homophobia, racism, rape culture and man deciding woman's faith.
U know. People sometimes love to say, that I am bisexual just becouse my mum used to date girls when I was a kid. And that otherwise I would be normal (straight)
Like... no. If sexuality was influenced by the way your parents raised you, how TF are there queer kids born to homophobic family then???
The only thing my mother and her girlfriends gave to me, was the fact that I've never saw "love" as man×woman relationship. Also I was much more open minded to my own sexuality. I've realised I'm bi at the age of 11 or so. And at the age of 12 I've came out to my parents becouse I knew it's okay not to be straight.
So... if parents are queer, it doesn't make their child queer. It only makes it easier to realise who they are without fear.
That's why I think that same-sex couples should be able to adopt.
"Ohhhh you are so feminist!" "Jesus christ you feminist girls. Get over yourself" and so on.
And so I thought, that feminist is someone, who is crazy and mad. That a feminist thinks, that women are better than man, but when it comes to responsibilities they run away.
And so I never called myself a feminist. Even tho i supported woman rights, I never ever used that word, becouse society maked me feel like it's something bad.
But now, 16 years later I think I am finally understanding what it is. It's doesn't mean, that woman are better than man or that man and woman are the same, and that we are just as strong as you, boys.
Feminism mean, that man and woman should be equal. Which doesn't mean it's the same thing! Yes. Biologically woman are weaker than man. But does that mean we should be treated as sexual objects and get less paid? NO!
Being a feminist is not a insult!
And it took me 16 years to understand. And now, I will tell you this.
I am a fucking feminist and I am proud of it. And if ever one of you mf will even think about treating me as a object or something less just becouse I have a vagina. I swear to god I will step on your toe with my high heel!
About a year ago I went through some hard times. And I thought that if so many people selfharm themselves it has to solve something. I thought that with that blood also the sadness will come out of my body.
It did not. And I remembered that for a long time. Everyday I was thinking about those razor blades. But I never used them again.
Until today. I am also feeling pretty down lately. And today I was leaving my house to see my dad, while I spoted them. I've took the razor blade and I again thought about the day it didn't help.
But still I placed it on my thigh. And pushed. I did 3 not-so-deep cuts. And as i watched the blood I cried. Becouse today it was different. Today I've cut my self not becouse I believed it will help. I did it becouse I wanted to feel the pain. And I did.
And I am scared, becouse what is different today than it was a year ago. Why did it help today and not a year ago.
Now I understand. People do not do selfharm becouse they want to feel better. They want to feel.
We should always remember our exes with respect, but more importantly with joy. Never guilt or hate.
Becouse in that love there was no guilt or hate. No matter it is over now.
Of course. Break up is bad and it hurts. But still, the love gave you joy, happiness and warm. Even tho the last moments of it was the worst, it was only a second.
And a second of pain can't erase thousands seconds of love.