softlenaluthor

[softlenaluthor]

#my macOS experience fr like what’s up with that? #how hard is it to keep a file in my ‘recents’ tab when I go to the finder? #the amount of times I’ve typed in the document name and it still refused to find it.

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Pebis

what

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please this post has me in a chokehold 😭😭

i’m so into reading tags like 500 of y’all could be reblogging my stuff and tag it as ‘me’ and ‘mood’ and nothing else and i’d still read every single one of y’alls tags

#AHHH

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do me a solid and just reblog this saying what time it is where you are and what you’re thinking about in the tags.

#lying in my bed eating chips while watching Andy and Haley videos to cheer myself up after an emotional outburst #followed by me having to listen to someone give me the ‘you have to choose to be happy’ speech girl bye

[softlenaluthor]

I had a weird but quite fun dream just now, so I’m writing it down here so I don’t lose the memory of it, I guess. It’s one of those dreams that you kinda want to get back to, and it’s a little sad too. But to me it was a fun dream. It was better than dreaming about people I miss.

So me, in my personal life, I’m in assisted living. It’s something I’m struggling to share irl if it ever comes up. I’m constantly confronted with a feeling of “I don’t belong here”. But then again, I also don’t feel like I belong in a house alone. I feel like I’m an adult, but not really. It’s a mental institution, but not really. The other people who live in the house also have their own issues and reasons as to why they live here. I have to say I’ve been living here for nearly two years and I don’t feel anything for anyone. I feel like an outside here just like I feel like an outsider in the “outside” world.

One of the goals of this institution is to train to eventually live on your own.

So in my dream, my coach told me that I had to enroll in a program along with the other residents, a mandatory program in “how to be normal”. So I went to a special facility where I would take my test. I went into the room and saw all the other residents taking their test already. One particular man, I noticed, struggling with it quite verbally. I peeked at his test and noticed the question said something along the lines of “whenever I feel wooqusuwwiwudbsuskir I will then quauwkjsusaowiwh”. So I personally couldn’t figure out what the question was saying, either.

My coach stopped me when I wanted to sit down and take the test. She told me that they have a special assignment for me. There was a woman living nearby who I needed to interact to in order to pass my test. I was quite baffled that I was the only one with a different test, but I was like “sure”.

So we went over to her house, it was a very dark neighborhood, but the house lights were on so someone was clearly home. With all the curtains closed I couldn’t do much besides see some faint silhouettes in the room. My coach immediately retreated into the shadows when we approached the house, clearly indicating that I was to do the initial contact alone. I was nervous about it, but there wasn’t much else I could do besides accept.

As I approached the door, I noticed that the woman was sitting in front of the tv. I debated where to knock on the glass or the wooden frame of the door, and opted for the glass: I attempted three decently loud knocks. As the woman’s gaze shifted from the tv, through the hallway, to the door, I raised my hand in greeting as to appear friendly, and not like a crazy stranger knocking on people’s door in the dark.

Much to my surprise, she had no qualms about getting up and approaching the door. As she swung the door open, I was surprised to see that she wasn’t some “sad old lady” like I expected when my coach told me about my assignment with her. She was just a little taller than me, but young, around my age I would say, and quite pretty. It felt comforting knowing that I wouldn’t be forced through a social interaction with someone I didn’t feel like I had anything in common with. It gave me the strength to speak up. I knew I had to work hard to sell my story, because who would let a random stranger in just to talk?

I said, “excuse me, I-”

She was quick to interrupt me. “You’re here for your normalcy test. I recognized you from last year as I approached the door.”

Another weight fell off my shoulders the realization sunk in that I must’ve met this woman before, that she didn’t seem to blame me for not recognizing her earlier, and that this would make my assignment a whole lot easier and somehow, my coach forgot that I had already done this test with this woman.

The woman was definitely approachable, and I felt all the tension drain from my body as she moved to open the door further to let us in. I felt myself shift on my feet teasingly, as I leaned in a little to whisper conspiratorially: “How fun would it be if we went in and pretended we didn’t know each other, just for a little while?”

The woman was game for that, the smile she returned just as playful as my smirk. I thought to myself, this would look like I’m doing good so far, as my coach looked on. I also thought to myself, I like this woman, I wish we could be friends. As I thought that, I also heard a sad voice in my head supply: but you’ll never ask her that. The other part of me agreed, I would never ask her that. Maybe, at most, I’ll follow her on social media.

In my dream, I thought to myself, “it’s just nice to feel like you want to be someone’s friend.”

And then I woke up.

#dream #long post kinda personal you can read you can ignore it’s whatever #oddly enough I just didn’t want to forget about this dream #and as I finish writing this all down I’m realizing I’m feeling quite sad about it too #I guess I’m just lonely but that’s nothing new

[softlenaluthor]

i’m so into reading tags like 500 of y’all could be reblogging my stuff and tag it as ‘me’ and ‘mood’ and nothing else and i’d still read every single one of y’alls tags

#how many years has it been since I’ve posted this? 😔 #just checked I posted this in 2017 😫😖

[softlenaluthor]

I'm built different. like incorrectly i think

[softlenaluthor]

Nat and Syd are besties

One of my favorite things about s2 is that we see Nat and Syd become besties. Like you know that they get together to vent about Carmy, because when would they have come up with ‘CP’

One of the things that bothers Nat is that Carmy does not ask her how she is doing, but Syd asks Nat how she’s doing throughout s2 and even makes her an omelette and Nat is so grateful.

When Syd is talking to the team before the soft open, Syd sounds nervous so she makes a joke but it is only Nat who laughs.

Before Syd’s joke in that scene, look at the way Nat looks so happy when Syd shows up for the team meeting. Also, does Nat extend her arm to tap Carmy or is it in my head? And if she did tap him, why? Why does she tap him when Syd enters the room?

Their reactions to things are so similar:

These two are besties and I really think that Carmy can see how much Syd cares for his sister and this makes him fall in love with Syd even more, he is like you made my pregnant sister an omelette and it was the best part of your day?! Sydney fits in his life so perfectly; she’s so great and this scares the shit out of Carmen Anthony Berzatto.

#the bear #I really really really think it would heal something within me to see more of their sisterhood #we didn’t really get to see them interact in s1 but in s2 it becomes so apparent that they vibe so well #Nat has always missed someone who looks out for her (besides Pete of course) #and she was always the one looking out for others and dealing with the guys’ bullshit #and then along comes Syd and she’s right there in the middle of the bullshit with her but finally she doesn’t have to do it alone anymore #I just love them

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The Bear 2.08 “Bolognese”

#the bear #I give Richie’s character development a 10/10 #wept during his Taylor Swift car singalong scene #tho I thought it was cute that Tina could hug him and call her his bandito and little felon 🥰

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Hi. Hello. I'm Sydney. Family style?

#the bear #sure! 🙂

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02.02 ― 02.09 THE BEAR

#the bear #nat and syd interacting is honestly my faaavvvv #when natalie said ‘syd’ in a warning tone and syd immediately said ‘nat’ #when I didn’t even know at the time that they must have interacted enough to be on a short name basis with each other already #SISTERS

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the original got deleted but i finally managed to find a screenshot of the tweet that’s been living in my mind since july of last year

#the bear

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[softlenaluthor]

make me choose ↳ cora winston or sherry dempsey (asked by anonymous)

#need to travel back to 2002 to tell the writers that Cora Winston was the best potential relationship for Marty #nothing forced and no weird ‘used to be a babysitter’ dynamic #but it was different times I suppose #Frasier

[softlenaluthor]

Not to sound weird or anything, but I kinda feel like I’m starting to have less tolerance for weak plot twists when one of the people involved is a man. Which feels like weird? I just spent hours playing Days Gone only to realize that Sarah is alive and Deacon was right all along. Yeah, he was right, but he hurt a lot of people to get there. So basically he has no reason for character growth because he was right. Oddly enough, I feel like I might’ve liked this “twist” more if Deacon was a woman.

Meanwhile the plot twist of Assassin’s Creed Odyssey is that Aspasia ws the cult leader and I ate that shit up right away. Like, I knew it was a weak plot twist but I was so blinded by her character that I basically immediately forgave her and that’s how I played Kassandra.

Anyhow. I may feel different later as I haven’t finished Days Gone yet, I’m at the point where Deacon is about to drive off to fuck knows where to find Sarah. Maybe I’ll feel different after the two resolve their issues. I’m just not sure if I will and that bums me out because I was quite enjoying the game.

#ducky plays #days gone #I mean admittedly my depression isn’t helping me enjoy video games the way I probably should #I spent a long time wondering about why Deacon sounded so crazy #and why he just can’t let Sarah go #and why he’s being an asshole #and why we just had to keep running after Lisa #it kinda makes me feel like an asshole but I can’t help it :/

[softlenaluthor]

#niles crane #mr down BAD

[softlenaluthor]

#niles crane #me coded