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sokooks · 4 months
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hello! i found nirvana today and manage to finished it in one sitting. it’s just too good!! but i just found out that you decided to discontinued it? :( i just want you to know that i really like your writing and i appreciate your time and effort of writing it. a girl can only hope you will finish it one day, i’m sure many of us thought so too. have a nice christmas (if you’re celebrating it) <3
hello lovely anon :’)
thank u sooooo much for this & your support! it means so much to me. no promises but i might look at editing and finishing off nirvana but who knows what can happen! im in university at the minute, but ill be graduating this year so i may have some time on my hands to have a look!
and i did have a great christmas thank u! (i hope u did too)
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sokooks · 6 months
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So sad that you discontinued Nirvana. It is a good story. If it is not too much, may i ask why was it discontinued or do you have plans on writing on it again? I might as well read horizon for now and hoping you could continue Nirvanaz…
the main reason why i discontinued is that i’m not entirely happy with the work & my writing has improved much more since i started it. it was originally supposed to be a one shot and i (personally) feel like i carried it on too long and ruined it, in a way? plus, the new chapter i kept writing wasn’t good enough for me and i kept editing / deleting majority of it and when i wrote Horizon it was kind of refreshing. maybe one day i’ll revisit it and rewrite it and make it less messy which will give me more motivation to continue it but we will see! i’m sorry that me discontinuing it has made you sad but i appreciate the support nonetheless! and who knows, maybe i will finish it one day, just for now i don’t see me doing so and its better me saying it’s discontinued rather than empty promises of me finishing it. (I’m sorry this was a lot to read)
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sokooks · 6 months
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MASTERLIST! (JEON JUNGKOOK)
。゚゚・。・゚゚。 ゚。 ao3! sokooks
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Searching For Nirvana (discontinued)
Summary: He shouldn't be here. He shouldn't be touching you the way that he was — but he was here before him. He was your friend, not him. He knew your body, not him. He wanted to be the only one to touch you the way you liked. He wanted you to remember that. Despite the fact that he already had someone at home waiting for him.
Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader (you)
Genre: F/M, angst, smut, friends to lovers, infidelity, toxic relationships
Word Count: 55k (3 parts) part 2 & 3 only on my ao3
Warnings: rough sex, oral sex (fem receiving), praise kink, mildly dubious consent, cheating, possessive behaviour, possessive sex, seduction, dirty talk, angst, choking, overstimulation, toxic behaviour, jungkook just isnt the best person in this
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Horizon (complete)
Summary: The way you approached life had started to break down Jungkook's emotional barriers. Jungkook couldn't deny that he was drawn to you in a way that was entirely new and unfamiliar. You had become more than just an assignment; you had become someone he genuinely cared about. It was the way you made him feel. With you, he felt more human than he had in a long time.
Despite his best efforts to remain detached, his heart had other plans.
Pairing: Angel!Jungkook x Reader (You)
Genre: F/M, angel/human relationship, angst, smut, fluff, just pure feels, she fell first he fell harder
Word Count: 32k (split into 2 parts)
Warnings: character death, heavy angst, jungkook is bad at feelings but good in bed, protective jungkook, dirty talk, dry humping, oral sex (fem receiving), seduction, jungkook has a big dick idk, rough sex, soft sex, praise kink, fingering, jungkook knows how to please a woman! there’s also no happy ending here i’m afraid…
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sokooks · 6 months
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bawling my eyes out at 3am after reading horizon😭😭 tbh even if there’s “no happy ending” i feel like jk coming back to her was in a way a happy ending. beautiful story btw🤎
oh u are so sweet thank u🫶🏼🫶🏼im a smaaall sucker for no happy ending but i tried to make it bittersweet yaknow?? but thank u for reading i hope u enjoyed <3
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sokooks · 6 months
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I read Horizon knowing full well it was going to break my heart and that it did, but I still loved it! It was so beautifully written and the story was unlike anything I've read before. I think this is the type of fic that is going to sit with me for a long time.
Also the smut was incredible, what were you on about!?
aaaaa thank you!!😭😭im so glad u enjoyed it! and im so glad i got the chance to bring my idea to life🥹i wasn’t 100% satisfied with it after i finished but this comment has made me very happy so thank you!! <3
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sokooks · 6 months
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Horizon (Part Two)
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Read part one first!!!
Masterlist
Summary: The way you approached life had started to break down Jungkook's emotional barriers. Jungkook couldn't deny that he was drawn to you in a way that was entirely new and unfamiliar. You had become more than just an assignment; you had become someone he genuinely cared about. It was the way you made him feel. With you, he felt more human than he had in a long time.
Despite his best efforts to remain detached, his heart had other plans.
Pairing: Angel!Jungkook x Reader (You)
Word count: 16k
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The days after Jungkook had left had been hell, to you at least.
The last memory you had of Jungkook was the night he left, walking away after the intense night of intimacy you had shared. It had been everything you had wanted, a climax of your feelings and desires, but it had also left you with a sense of longing and emptiness.
You had no idea what he was feeling, as he had disappeared from your life without a word after saying goodbye, and you wished that you didn't care. There were so many unanswered questions and unspoken emotions that lingered between you two. It was as if he had run from the connection you had shared, leaving you with a mixture of confusion, hurt, and a yearning for his presence.
Your heart ached with the memories of those moments you had spent together, and you often found yourself replaying them in your mind, hoping for some clarity or understanding. The absence of his presence in your life had left you feeling adrift, wondering if you would ever see him again and if there was any chance of him accepting what he felt towards you. 
The night he had left played heavily on your mind. After witnessing him walk out, the weight of his rejection bore down on you, and you couldn't hold back the tears that streamed down your cheeks. You felt a huge sense of loss and confusion, and it was as if a part of you had been ripped away.
It had been Dylan who came to your rescue that night, rushing to your side after hearing your tearful cries through the microphone when you dialled her number. She had dropped everything to be with you, knowing that you needed her more than ever in that moment. Without a word, she had wrapped her arms around you, offering the warmth that you needed. She knew better than to ask questions right away, understanding that you needed time to gather your thoughts and emotions.
When you did talk about it to her, it had been days later on Halloween, and you had come home from work despite her protest of going in. You couldn't even find it in yourself to enjoy your favourite time of year. Dylan had tried, she had sat you down and turned on the whole scream franchise for you. Made you hot chocolates and even decorated the house for you, get you in the spirit, but nothing changed. 
Days turned into weeks, and as November came the ache in your heart persisted. Work, which had once been a place of joy and anticipation, now felt like a monotonous routine, but it kept you busy. You missed the excitement of Jungkook's visits, the way he would ask about your day, and the simple pleasure of sharing coffee and conversation after your shifts.
Janet had noticed the change in your demeanour. She couldn't help but comment on the absence of your "lover boy," as she called him, with a sly grin. You tried to dismiss her comments, mentally slapping yourself when your blood boiled slightly at her comments. You didn't want to reveal the depth of your feelings or the pain his disappearance had caused you.
But as the days dragged on, you couldn't shake the feeling of emptiness. You longed for the warmth of his presence and the sound of his voice. It was as if he never entered your life at all, it was as if you had gone back in time to before you knew of him. 
I don’t want it to be with you. Jungkook's rejection echoed in your mind making you question your worth. Why had he said that? You had believed that the night you spent together had been something special, a connection that went beyond just attraction. You had let yourself believe that there was potential for more, that he might have felt the same way.
He did feel the same, but he had wished that it wasn't you.
You wondered if there was something wrong with you, something that made you unworthy of his love or affection. If you were so bad, why would he stick around? Or was it that he didn't want to risk his friendship with you? It was a painful self examination, one that left you feeling vulnerable.
He had broke your heart because he was scared of risking his own.
Jungkook, on the other hand, was grappling with a storm of emotions he had never experienced before. His decision to distance himself from you had been incredibly difficult, and it weighed heavily on him. He missed you in ways he couldn't even put into words.
The guilt was a constant companion, eating away at him. He had pushed you away not because he didn't care but because he cared too much. He was nervous of the depth of his feelings for you, scared of the potential pain that loving you might bring, especially given his role as one of the fallen.
Jungkook couldn't deny it any longer. He loved you, truly and deeply, with a love he had never experienced before. You had become the first person he had ever loved, and it terrified him.
Jungkook's heart ached with the knowledge that he had pushed you away, convincing himself that it was for the best. But now, he couldn't help but feel like he had made the biggest mistake of his immortal life. He had let go of the one person who had managed to touch his heart in a way no one else ever had, the one person that may ever do that.
And for what? So his heart wouldn't get broken when you left? It was too late for that, his heart was already breaking. But at least it was under his decision. The damage was already done. He had fallen in love with you, and there was no turning back.
Jungkook's life had been marked by a series of assignments, each one a temporary connection that ultimately ended in loss. He had witnessed the fragility of human life and experienced the pain of saying goodbye to those he had grown close to. However, his connection with you had been different from the start. He had grown attached to you in a way he hadn't with previous assignments, and he couldn't deny the feelings that had developed.
Thoughts of your well being consumed his mind. He knew that you might not have much time left, and the guilt he felt for leaving you weighed heavily on him. He had initially gotten to know you with the intention of providing comfort and support in your final days, to ensure a painless transition when the time came. But the more he thought about it, the more he realised that he couldn't bear the thought of you facing your fate alone. He had fallen in love with you, and the idea of not being there for you tore him apart. The idea of not saying goodbye. He knew that he had left abruptly, and it wasn't fair to you. You deserved better than that.
The realisation hit him like a tidal wave, and he understood that he couldn't continue to stay away. He needed to be with you, to offer you the love you deserved and the love he wanted to give, even if it meant facing the pain of losing you in the end. He had made a selfish decision, driven by his love and the need to not break his own heart. Take chances, let every experience shape you.
He knew that he couldn't change the past, that he had hurt you by leaving so suddenly, and he couldn't erase the pain he had caused. But he also realised that he couldn't continue to stay away, pretending that his feelings didn't exist.
"Jungkook?" You almost died from shock, seeing him sat outside your front door.
After weeks of not seeing his face, seeing him in front of you right now, it made him feel like a hallucination. You forgot how beautiful he was, outside and inside, and your body yearned to be in his arms. It felt like an eternity since you had seen him, and you had almost given up hope of ever seeing him again.
You had been on your way home from work, a usual Thursday night but you no longer had to close up on your own since that night. Like they had been for weeks now your thoughts were occupied with nothing other than the usual routine of work, and you were completely unprepared for what awaited you. The sight of Jungkook, sitting there like a dream, caught you entirely off guard.
He stood up from the steps of your porch, hands immediately shoved in his pockets and his eyes meeting yours with a mixture of anxiety and longing. "Hey, Y/N" he said softly.
Time seemed to stand still as you stared at each other, the emotions of the past few weeks washing over you both. You couldn't believe he was here, right in front of you, after all this time.
"You-" You weren't sure what to say, weren't sure how to act or what to do "Why are you..."
The tension between you and Jungkook was palpable, neither of you quite sure how to navigate the fragile moment that hung between you. It had been weeks, since you last saw each other, and the emotions that had built up during that time were overwhelming.
"I needed to see you" He answered, you looked into Jungkook's eyes and it was clear that he was struggling to find the right words "I... I feel like I have a lot to apologise for"
You couldn't help but remember that painful night when he walked away from you. The hurt and confusion still lingered, but seeing him now brought back all the feelings you had tried to bury.
"Jungkook, I-"
"Can we go inside?" He interrupted you almost immediately, and you weren't sure what to say or how to react. It had been so long since you'd seen him, and his sudden appearance left you feeling overwhelmed.
You nodded hesitantly, not trusting your voice to convey all the emotions swirling inside you. You climbed the stairs and unlocked the front door, leading the way into your home. Jungkook followed you, and the two of you entered the familiar surroundings of your living room.
Jungkook should of expected it, but seeing Dylan occupying the sofa made his body stiffen slightly as she turned and met his eyes.
Dylan's expression had changed from softness to immediate anger upon seeing Jungkook linger behind you. Her gaze remained cold and unwavering. She didn't say a word, but the disapproval in her eyes was evident. Jungkook nodded politely, feeling the weight of her silent judgment. He knew he had some explaining to do, but the words were caught in his throat. But first, he had to fix things with you.
"Dylan" Your voice was soft, and Jungkook was thankful that you spoke first to fill the silence in the room "Would you mind..." You were hesitant, searching for the right words to ask her to give you some space to talk to Jungkook, even though he had hurt you.
Dylan's eyes shifted between you and Jungkook, her expression softening slightly as she glanced at you with concern. She didn't question why Jungkook was back, understanding that there were things that needed to be resolved. After a moment, she nodded and stood up.
"I'll head over to Jin's for a bit," she said tersely, eyes still on you for a moment "Take your time, okay?" 
Dylan couldn't help but cast one last look at Jungkook. Her gaze was still somewhat icy, but beneath it all, there was a glimmer of something else—concern. She knew how much you had been hurt when Jungkook had left, and despite her frustration with him, she also wanted to see you happy. She left the house, leaving you and Jungkook alone. The air was thick with tension, and you knew that there were many questions that needed answers.
You placed your bag on the sofa, not feeling any need to sit down before you turned to face Jungkook. He was still stood by the entrance, his stance slightly tense, his hands buried in the pockets of his jacket. The dim light in the room cast soft shadows on his face, highlighting his sharp features and the earnestness in his eyes. God, he looked good, but that was the least of your concerns right now.
The whirlwind of emotions you had buried deep inside came rushing back to the surface, and your heart ached with longing. You missed him so much that it physically hurt, and seeing him standing there in front of you, you couldn't help but feel a rush of emotions.
"I don't.." you paused, a deep breath being taken before you continued "Jungkook, why are you here?"
You had began playing with your hands again, a habit that he had come to learn and love. Any other time he would have reached forwards, held them in his larger ones before soothing you. But now, he kept his distance, respecting the boundaries you might have established in his absence. Jungkook took a deep breath, his gaze unwavering as he tried to find the right words. He had rehearsed this conversation in his mind countless times, but now that he was here, facing you, the words felt elusive.
"I'm here because I made a mistake, Y/N" he began, his voice filled with sincerity "I shouldn't have walked away from you that night. I was scared, and I didn't know how to handle... what we had" He paused, searching your eyes for any hint of understanding or forgiveness.
Your voice trembled with a mix of anger and vulnerability as you confronted Jungkook's words "What we had," you repeated, each word laden with emotion "You didn't even give me a chance..." The hurt and frustration you had been holding in for weeks began to pour out.
Jungkook hung his head, unable to meet your gaze as the weight of his actions weighed on him.
"I know," he admitted, his voice laced with regret "And I'm sorry for that. I was a coward, and I let my own fears get the best of me. But that doesn't change the fact that I care about you, and I missed you so fucking much"
Tears welled up in your eyes as Jungkook's confession reached your ears. Your heart ached with the mixture of emotions swirling inside you – anger, hurt, longing, but also a flicker of hope. You had missed him too, more than you ever thought possible.
"I just don't understand, Jungkook," you whispered, your voice choked with tears "Why did you push me away when we both felt something? You made me believe that I wasn't good enough for you"
Jungkook's expression crumbled as he heard the pain in your voice. He wished he could turn back time and change his actions, but all he could do now was face the consequences and hope for a second chance.
"I wish I had a better answer for you," he said, his voice filled with remorse "I was foolish and selfish and I thought I was protecting myself, but I hurt you in the process, and I hate myself for it. You were always more than enough. I was an idiot"
The tears that had been threatening to fall finally spilled over as you listened to his words. A part of you wanted to push him away, to make him feel the pain he had caused you, but the other part still loved him and longed for his presence in your life. You couldn't deny the raw vulnerability in Jungkook's eyes. He seemed genuinely remorseful and willing to make amends. As much as you wanted to protect your heart from further pain, the love you had for him tugged at your insides. The mixture of emotions was overwhelming.
"Fuck, Jungkook..." you whispered, your voice breaking with frustration as you wiped away your tears with the back of your hand. You were a tangled mess, and you couldn't make sense of anything. The pain of his absence and the hurt he had caused warred with the love you still felt for him.
"You asked me that night to tell you that it wasn't wasted time," Jungkook began again, his voice filled with sincerity as you met his eyes once more "It wasn't wasted time. It never was. If anything, not being around you was wasted time, and I know I messed up"
You listened to Jungkook's words, your heart aching with the weight of everything swirling inside you. You remembered it well—the night he had walked away, leaving you heartbroken and confused. You had asked him to reassure you that your time together hadn't been wasted, and you had longed to hear those words from him, to know that your time together had meant something to him too.
Jungkook's words hung in the air, heavy with truth and emotion. You felt torn between the anger and hurt that had festered for weeks. It was a battle within your heart, a conflict that seemed impossible to resolve. The tears kept welling up in your eyes as you looked at him, stuck between the pain of your past and the hope of a better future. 
"I can't just forget everything, Jungkook," you replied, your voice quivering "You hurt me.. so much that night, and I've been trying to get myself back together since then. You just disappeared.. how was I supposed to deal with that?"
"I just want to make things right," Jungkook continued, his voice soft and vulnerable "I want to be with you, Y/N, and I promise I won't let fear hold me back anymore"
You hesitated, grappling with your own emotions "How can I know that you won't walk away again?" you questioned, your voice tinged with a hint of anger "I want to know why, Jungkook. Why did you push me away when you clearly cared about me? I get that you were scared, but you didn't even give us a chance"
Jungkook sighed, his gaze dropping to the floor as he struggled to put his feelings into words "I thought I was protecting myself" he admitted, his voice filled with remorse "I've never felt that way before. It's all so new to me, and I didn't know how to handle it. I was afraid of getting hurt, so I pushed you away"
Your voice trembled as you spoke, the rawness of your emotions laid bare "By protecting yourself, you hurt me"
Jungkook nodded slowly, as his own eyes began glistening. The room was filled with a palpable tension, and it was silent for a moment before you sighed shakily, the turmoil of emotions within you making it difficult to make a decision. Part of you wanted to forgive and forget, to let Jungkook back into your life, but the pain and confusion of the past few weeks still lingered. 
He took a tentative step closer to you, closing the gap between you two but still keeping some space "I understand if you need time, Y/N. I messed up, and I can't blame you for being angry or upset" You looked at him once more, sincerity evident in his eyes "But I promise you, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make it right... I'm not scared anymore"
A small smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you realised that perhaps, just perhaps, there was a chance to mend what had been broken. He told you he wanted to be with you, he told you that he was willing to make things right. This is what you had been hoping for since he left, but now it was happening it felt so surreal.
"You better not be" you replied, your voice softening "Because I really fucking missed you, Jungkook"
This time he did reach for you, but instead of taking your hands in his own, he closed the distance between you, pressing your lips against his in a gentle kiss that told you everything you needed to know in that moment. It was an apology for walking away, an apology for breaking your heart, it was a way to tell you he missed you as much as you missed him.. maybe more. 
It felt like everything fell back into place, and the part of you that was still hurting from those weeks that he wasn't in your presence for had finally began healing properly. The kiss was a mixture of all the things you had missed – his touch, his taste, and the warmth of having him here.
When you finally pulled away, breathless and gazing into each other's eyes, Jungkook couldn't help but admit to himself that maybe loving you wasn't so bad. That yes, he would eventually have to face the pain of letting you go, but not having you in the way that he wanted and the way that he craved would have broken his heart even more. 
"You know I realised that staying away from you was actually worse than being scared of getting hurt... it was pretty lonely without you around" He admitted in a whisper with a small smile, and you couldn't help but let out a small chuckle, shaking your head at his attempt to break the tension. You were so relived that he was in front of you right now. You missed him so much. 
You kissed him again, this time more passionate and you held his face while his hands moved to your waist, and as your tongues danced in a heated exchange, it was as if the past weeks of separation had never happened. You were where you were meant to be—in each other's arms. Jungkook's hands on your waist tightened as he pulled you closer, his lips moving fervently against yours. It felt as though the universe had conspired to bring you two back together, and in that moment, everything finally fell into place.
"Y/N..." He mumbled, pulling away slightly and you only hummed in response, not wanting the kiss to end as you kept moving your lips against his own "Y/N... wait"
His words, though hesitant, reached your ears, and you reluctantly pulled back, your lips lingering just millimeters from his. You were breathless and flushed, and you forgot how easy it was to lose yourself in him. Your eyes met his own, and you saw in them the reflection of your own feelings.
"What is it?" you asked, your voice barely above a whisper, your breaths still intertwined. Jungkook hesitated for a moment, as if gathering his thoughts. Then, with a soft smile and a newfound determination, he spoke quietly.
"I.. I love you" Your heart jumped, and a fresh tear had fallen from his words. He smiled softly once more, refusing to look away from you before nodding gently "I love you"
Tears welled up in your eyes, and a warm, overwhelming feeling enveloped you as you heard those three precious words.
"Say it again" You whispered, your voice only meant for his ears.
"Y/N... I love you" You shut your eyes for a moment.
"Again.."
"I love you"
Then, you kissed him again. And again, and again and again. He loved you, and you loved him. As Jungkook moved his lips against your own, he couldn't help but feel lighter in himself. He was free from worry, finally accepting that he loved you and not have to worry about having his heart broken. He would get to that when it happened. Right now, he just wanted you. In this moment, he wasn’t a fallen angel with his assignment.
This time, it it was a boy spending time with the girl that he loved.
It didn’t take long for the kiss to get heated. He missed your lips, he missed the way you tasted and he couldn’t believe you were giving him another chance to put his hands over you. It got more messy, more and more messy every time a single second passed. His tongue was in your mouth and mixing with your own before you even realised it, and he didn’t give you much time to register what his next move was before he moved your coat from your shoulders and letting it drop to the floor.
"Jungkook" This time it was his turn to hum, and you smiled against his lips "Bedroom.. now"
Your journey upstairs was eventful, and it consisted of you both tearing at each others clothes. You were only left in your work trousers and bra by the time you got to your room, and as for Jungkook, he wasn't as naked as you would like him to be, but his jacket was discarded which left him in a tank top and his dark jeans.
Having him against you felt good, so good, and it felt better than the first time that you were together. You would have liked to put on that Lingerie you bought for him, but you didn't want to wait anymore. You just wanted him. 
You were on the bed before you knew it, his larger body above yours as he kept his lips on your own. You couldn't get enough of him, couldn't get enough of touching him and kissing him. He was here, now, with you to do as you please. But it seemed like he had other ideas than you.
His lips left your own, trailing down your neck to your chest before reaching the waistband of your trousers. You sighed nervously, eyes watching him carefully as his lips marked you from head to waist. Your trousers were the next victim, as his hands pulled them down your legs without hesitation and his mouth was immediately on your panty covered core. Your hands gripped the covers below you, and his eyes made contact with your own, and you gasped when you watched his tongue run up the length of your panties. If you weren't soaked before, you definitely were now. 
"Tonight’s about you, baby" He mumbled, and your cheeks burnt from his words "I want you to feel everything”
His tongue was replaced by his fingers, his tattooed hand tracing the outline of your folds beneath your panties and he refused to move his eyes from your own. You felt so overwhelmed, and you couldn't breathe. Something about him being here with you right now, knowing that he loved you, that he was here because he wanted to be with you... you felt so warm inside. 
He pulled your panties to the side and you couldn't do anything but gasp slightly when his tongue licked from your entrance to your clit. Fuck. You threw your head back against the mattress, and you felt him smirk against you as he licked the same place once more. He was slow with it, but it felt so fucking good. 
He hummed slightly, and you began to breathe more heavily as he picked up his pace, the only sounds surrounding your bedroom were your heavy breaths and the occasional groan from Jungkook as he tasted you more and more, your body reacting to his tongue and his touch as you began to get wetter by the second.
He was practically making out with your cunt right now and it felt amazing. He knew what he was doing thats for sure. He'd touch your clit slightly with his tongue every now and then, but it wasn't enough to make you cum just yet. You wanted to beg him to pay attention to your clit, make you cum but make the night last forever, but your thoughts were scrambled when his finger circled your entrance before slowly sinking in. You glanced at him again, his eyebrows scrunched together as his own eyes were closed and your cheeks burnt heavily.
Your hands were moved from the mattress to grip his hair and he groaned against you and began to move quicker. The pleasure he was making you feel was unlike anything you had felt before, and you could only think about how much it would have destroyed you if he had done all this weeks ago before walking away. He began to get even more eager once your hands gripped his hair, and firmly pressed his mouth and tongue against you and you almost felt embarrassed from the way he practically sounded like he was slurping.
"Jungkook.." You whimpered, the ceiling gaining your attention again and he groaned against you at the sound of you moaning his name. His actions were not stopping and his finger was moving faster, at a pace you couldn't keep up with and at some point he had added another. The tip of his nose was rubbing your clit in all the right places and your thigh twitched slightly "Fuck keep going-my god"
The firm rub of his nose against your clit and the way his fingers curled inside you had you crumbling all at once and with a large sigh you found yourself coming over his fingers and in his mouth. He groaned as your legs twitched around him and his hair was pulled while you let go, body relaxing into the bed as he brought you to an indescribable pleasure. This was a man who definitely knew how to please someone.
You whimpered when he slowly removed his fingers, his teeth lightly grazing your clit as he cleaned up a small amount of the mess that he made. His soothing tongue was against you once more as you tried to catch your breath before he was making his way up your body this time, leaving a trail of your arousal as it stained his lips and chin.
He kissed you, marking your own lips with your pleasure. His mouth was slick and you moaned against him, holding his face to your own, refusing to let him go and his body was like a magnet with the way he was lying on top of you and stuck to you. Not too much to crush you, but enough to feel every ridge of his body even with his clothes on. 
You wrapped your legs around his waist and whimpered again when your panties moved back to cover your core and the amount of clothes you had on bothered you. The amount of clothes he had on bothered you. Your fingers were suddenly gripping the hem of his shirt and thankfully he didn't deny you of your request, pulling away from you and his shirt was discarded almost immediately and you couldn't help yourself tracing the lines of his body with your hands.
With your back still on the mattress and him kneeling above you, you wanted to thank the heavens for having him here with you right now. It wasn't just his looks that you admired, but his heart too. The way he cared about you, the vulnerability in his eyes, and the genuine remorse he had expressed spoke volumes. You truly loved him.
"You're beautiful.." You whispered to him, lost in your thoughts and received a soft smile from him. He leant forwards, holding himself up with one hand while his other cupped your cheek as he pecked your lips tenderly.
"It's a good job I'm yours then" Yours.
You smiled against his lips, kissing him again and this time you didn't part from each other. Your lips stayed together as his jeans were removed, then as your bra and panties were removed and you were completely bare underneath him. Your hands had reached out to his boxers, palming him through the material which earned you a soft moan in return. As if hearing your thoughts, he shook his head against you and you pulled away.
“Let me taste you” Another head shake at your request, and you pouted against his lips.
“No" He told you, going to remove his boxers himself "I told you, tonight's about you”
“I wanna make you feel good, Jungkook” I wanna make you feel the pleasure I felt. I want to make you feel how much I love you. So many things you could have said, and you would have wanted to just taste him, to make him feel every bit of pleasure that he deserved. But again, with a soft smile he shook his head.
“I feel good making you feel good” He pulled his boxers down after he spoke, his cock standing hard and you bit your lip at the sight. Fuck he's big. His thumb grazed your lip, making your eyes look up at him and he held your gaze while he pulled the muscle away from your teeth "You feeling good is enough for me"
Your lips met again, this time not as tenderly as you were both tired of waiting around. You needed him, and you craved every inch of him. You needed him inside you, you need him to bring you more pleasure and just ensure you have another out of body experience. He was here with you now, he told you that he was yours. He was yours to kiss, to hold, to love. Your heart swelled with the knowledge that it had been you he was with. 
You grabbed his cock, rubbing it against your folds and you felt the thickness of him. He fit perfectly in your hand, and you couldn't wait to taste him another night. You felt like you could feel him everywhere and no where at the same time, your insides were screaming to have him inside you, even though his body was on top of your own, skin to skin. You couldn't wait any longer, and it seemed like he couldn't either, and with your guidance and his hips moving forwards, he pushed his tip inside and it was an easy fitting thanks to your previous orgasm and your whole body tingled.
Once his tip was inside he knew he couldn't wait any longer. He had deprived himself of you for weeks, almost a month and he needed you. Being with you right now was overwhelming, but in a good sense. His thoughts were clouded with you, you and you. He kept pushing and pushing until he was all the way inside, and you were grateful for the stretch of his fingers earlier. The feeling of having him inside you made you pull away from his lips, the need to breathe suddenly hitting you and you met his eyes.
"My god-" You sighed, and he leant his forehead against your own "So fucking big.." You were breathless, and you felt so full with him inside you.
"You feel so good" He whispered, his tattooed hand moving to your waist while the other placed itself near your head, holding himself up just enough so he could still see your face and where you were both connected. He attacked your lips again, feeling you clench around his cock causing him to twitch.
"Fuck me, Jungkook" Your voice held a slight whimper, and it wasn't often that Jungkook felt smug, but in this moment he did.
Because it was him that was making you this breathless, him that got to be here with you and see you like this, and hold you this way. It was him that got to be the last to love you like this. As selfish as that sounded, now that he was here and accepting that he loved you, he didn't want to imagine you with anyone else. He wanted to be the one you loved forever, just like you'd be the one he'd love forever.
He pulled out, all the way out until his tip was the only thing you held onto. He didn't want this to end, didn't want to blow his load just yet like his did on the couch that day but when he slid back until he was inside of you again, he nearly did when his lips muffled another whimper that you let out. His hand gripped your waist, he'd sure it would be bruised but he'd kiss it gently for you if it pained you. Unbeknownst to him you loved every second of it.
The love and desire between you and Jungkook was powerful, there's no doubt about that. It was an irresitble pull. When your lips were held together in an intense kiss, refusing to let go of each other, your connection only built more and more. Every touch, every kiss, and every thrust that he did molded into your heart and made you feel a love that you had never felt before. A passion that left you breathless. It wasn't just about lust, it was about how in his arms, you felt at home.
Your legs were around his waist, arms wrapped around his neck as he kissed you more eagerly, groaning and gasping against you. You knew it was easy to lose yourself with him, but time felt slowed and this moment felt like a dream to you. His fourth and fifth thrusts were perfect, but as he picked up the pace, sliding out of you and pushing himself back in just faster, your heart soared. Your chests were together and it felt so intimate, your breasts squished against his firm figure and your stomachs grazing every now and then as his thrusts continued.
He was yours.
The reminder of the way he said it combined with the way he was moving inside of you made you groan, and you held his shoulders before moving him backwards and lying him on his back, all while he was still inside you. He looked up at you in shock, his back now on the mattress and your lips were now disconnected and he mourned the loss of them. But seeing you above him, sat proudly on his cock while your eyes were slightly droopy from pleasure, he could miss your lips for a little while.
He smirked when you pushed yourself up before falling back down, the angle of his cock inside you definitely felt surreal now. He held your waist to aid you, and you met his lust filled eyes once more before repeating the action and his bottom lip was captured by his teeth. You were moving up and down on him now, and occasionally he'd move his hips up to meet you. There was nothing gentle about both your actions right now.  
"So good for me, baby" He praised and you almost saw stars when he thrusted upwards, his fingers gripped your waist like everything depended on it "So good for me... wanna fuck you all night"
"Don't stop" You weren't sure on what you were referring to.
"Hm? You gonna cum over my cock?" You nodded weakly, his hips thrusting upwards faster, causing you to bounce more and more and the pleasure was overwhelming "Say it.. tell me you're gonna cum over my cock"
"I'm-" You couldn't speak, you couldn't do anything other than moan breathlessly. 
"I can't hear you baby" He sat up, chest pressed against yours almost immediately and your body was pulled into his own. You were thankful, being able to use his shoulders for stability. This was a whole different side to Jungkook, but you loved it "I want to hear you"
"I'm gonna cum.." You were gasping as this point, looking into his eyes as he moved you up and down on his cock "You're gonna make me cum Jungkook"
"Gonna make you cum so hard for me" Your lips were almost sore, your thighs were sore, but the pleasure was out of this world and you never wanted it to stop. You were so close "I want it. Give it to me baby. Cum for me"
He kissed you messily, and you gasped against his lips, feeling his cock twitch inside of you and you could also tell that he was close. But your own orgasm was approaching and your mind went numb as your stomach fluttered for the second time that night. The speed of his thrusts combined with how your thighs were burning from the overstimulation, you moaned heavily against him before biting his lip as your walls clenched tightly. He was clenched tightly by you as you came around his cock, and he felt every single bit of it. You almost saw white, and despite the sensitivity that was beginning to build he carried on riding you through your second orgasm that night.
You were gripping onto his body so tightly, and he could have sworn you gripped his cock inside you just as tight. He felt his own orgasm approaching and laid you back down almost immediately. You seemed to gather yourself for a moment, pulling your lips away from his own and hugging him tightly.
"Jungkook.." You whimpered, your voice low and he groaned against you, kissing your neck gently "I love you" Your mouth was by his ear at that point, and those three precious words that you whispered grappled his heart as he came inside you.
Jungkook's hips stuttered, moaning as he chased out his orgasm, and you gasped slightly at the feeling of his release filling you. Your walls painted white, and you felt it all, even feeling some of it escape your hole alongside your own despite him still buried deep inside you. The feeling made a chill run up your spine.
He held you for a moment longer, both of you bathing in the aftermath of your orgasms and the weight of the night overall. You wondered what would happen after the tension of your confessions had faded, and you were both tame around each other... well, somewhat tame. 
You smiled to yourself as you ran your hand through his hair, holding him close to you as his warm breath fanned your neck. He was actually here, with you. He was here to make things right, he came back to you and told you that he loved you. He was here, in your bed, his once hard cock still sitting inside you as his sweat covered body hid you from the world. 
He was the first to break the contact, lifting his head to meet your eyes. Chuckles escaped from both of you as you took in the sight of each other. Your hair was tousled, your lips were reddened and slightly swollen, and your eyes held a post sex haze. You couldn't help but think you must look just as disheveled as he did. 
"I was an idiot" He whispered, staring down at you. His eyes showed nothing but love, and it made you bashful slightly "I was an idiot for leaving you when I did. I really let my fear get in the way of this, of you... I really am sor-" You shushed him, fingers grazing his lips before you shook your head gently.
"You're here now" You told him, your voice was slightly hoarse and heavy with emotion. He sighed, his own eyes glistening with regret "You're here now, and that's all that matters"
He hid his face in your neck once more and you held him close, both of you basking in this feeling for a little while longer. He couldn't help but admit that he'd love to go for round two, maybe round three.. but your body was clearly too tired, after all you had been in work today. Jungkook never wanted to leave this, to leave you. He had been such an idiot to walk away from something so precious, all because he had been scared. He never knew the word before you. 
He never knew love before you. But now he did, and it was amazing. The time that he had left with you was like a ticking time bomb. He knew that time was precious with you, and your moments together were limited, it hung like a shadow over him. But he made a silent promise to himself and to you, he would never walk away from you again. The time he had left, no matter how limited, would be cherished, and he would make every moment count.
╴╴╴
Over the next few weeks, Jungkook was clingy.
Where you were, he was. He showed up at your work daily, walking you home when your shift ended. You resumed your coffee dates after work, this time hand in hand, and you'd sit closely in the booth, sharing whispered conversations. He'd be at your house every night, both of you sharing your couch as Dylan would side eye you both despite being cuddled up with Seokjin (you knew she was really happy for you). At the end of November when autumn left and winter arrived, you both watched a marathon of horror movies considering you hadn't enjoyed halloween due to his departure, which sucked because it was your favourite time of year, but he told you that he wanted to make it up to you.
After a night of bathing in a candle lit room and enduring in two hot chocolates each, you had both fallen asleep cuddled up in your bed with matching halloween pyjamas.
Jungkook's boldness extended to moments of public displays of affection, much to your initial embarrassment. There were times he'd lean over and steal a kiss while you were behind the till at work, ignoring your warnings about PDA. He simply didn't care, responding with a smirk and playfully teasing you about your red cheeks. His affection was undeniable, and it was love sickly, but you wouldn't change it.
His boldness also extended in those nights where you'd be sharing a couch with Dylan and Seokjin in the room. You had been leaning into his side, a blanket over you both but instead of holding your hand under the blanket he'd touch your thigh (luckily for him you wear shorts often), fingertips brushing your skin and you'd bite your lip to stop yourself from reacting. It was a risky game, and every night he grew bolder, moving higher each time until one night he had fully cupped your cunt through your shorts and panties.
He had started off lightly rubbing you, his hand softly moving up and down as your eyes were fixated on the TV screen. Your thighs were burning to close, stop him before you got caught, but you didn't. Then he got firmer and your lip had turned white from the way your teeth dug into the flesh, begging yourself not to make a noise. It was as if your shorts and panties weren't separating him from your skin because it felt equally as good, especially when he began circling round your clit through the material. How he did it you'd never know.
Then it was your turn to cum on the sofa, and instead it was deliberate and you let it happen.. and it was in the same round as your best friend. But fuck was it exhilarating. You had excused yourself to the bathroom straight away, Jungkook smirking proudly when you did.
As Sunday night arrived, mid December brought with it the anticipation of Christmas, just a week away. You were relieved to have all your holiday preparations sorted. The presents were wrapped and neatly separated in your closet, each one labeled so you knew who was getting what. While there weren't many gifts, you had a few for Dylan, a couple for Seokjin, and some for your coworkers. And then, of course, there were Jungkook's gifts.
Buying Christmas gifts for a partner was a new experience for you, and you wanted to make it special for Jungkook. He had received the most presents, and you hoped Dylan wouldn't feel too offended by the size of his gift pile. You had put thought into each one, hoping to make his first Christmas with you a memorable one. You had a feeling this Christmas would be a special one.
You couldn't wait to see how Jungkook would respond to your gifts, and you hoped he'd enjoy the presents you'd picked out.
"Red?" You turned your head to the left and locked eyes with the second presence in your room. A sly smile tugged at the corners of their lips as they said "You know how much I like you in red"
"And you should know that this red piece of clothing cannot be ruined as it has to be returned to it's rightful owner" You warned, a smile playing on your lips as you flattened the dress out in the mirror "Dylan would kill you if you wrecked her favourite dress" 
She would, although she'd have to do it when she returned home. Right now the only people that occupied your home was yourself and Jungkook. Dylan had travelled with Seokjin to visit his parents for the holidays, but she'd be back in time to spend christmas with you. They would only be gone a few days, but you can't help but admit to yourself that having the house to just you and Jungkook was amazing. And awfully domestic.
"Believe me, I have no intentions of crossing Dylan" Jungkook chuckled, appreciating the playful tone of your warning. As he watched you adjust your dress in the mirror, he couldn't help but admire the sight. You were his "You're gorgeous..."
His compliment was said in a low voice, and your cheeks almost matched the colour of your dress as you noticed his gaze. Eyes slightly hooded and you couldn't tell if he wanted to rip the dress off you and have his way with you or if he just wanted to admire you longer, like you were a piece of art in his favourite museum. He made you feel like the most beautiful person in the world.
With a seductive smile, you turned to look at him, your voice a sultry whisper as you replied "You're not looking too bad yourself, Jungkook. Now, are you going to kiss me or just stand there and admire the view?"
He stepped further into your room, suit jacket resting on his forearm as he approached. His eyes were filled with desire as he closed the remaining distance between you two. His hand gently cupped your cheek as his lips found yours in a kiss, his second lip piercing, a newly addition which added a new thrill for you whenever you slid your tongue into his own mouth. His other hand wandered, skimming your waist before slowly lifting the dress up your thigh.
You smiled against his lips, shaking your head and holding his wrist to prevent him going further "I'm serious, Jungkook.." You told him, and he feigned an innocent look "Dylan would see hell"
"So what you're saying is, I can't fuck you with it on?" 
"Jungkook!" He looked at your like he hadn't said anything wrong, and his fingers grazed your arm. You knew he was referring back to the well known red Lingerie you had once bought.
The piece of clothing had been worn again.. for the last time. He had visited you one night, feeling yet again bold as he told you to wear the Lingerie as he never got to see you in it fully. So you did, and by the end of the night it was ruined with sweat, cum and also ripped in different places. Not that you were complaining, because the sex that night was great.
Another thing about being with Jungkook, he was very touchy. He always wants to be touching you in some way, wether it's holding hands or having his arm around you, and despite it happening many times you still feel warm inside every time his skin touches yours. He leant forwards and kissed your shoulder before taking your hand in his own.
"Just take it off... we can be quick" His voice was by your ear this time as he held your body to his own, and as tempting as his offer sounded, you didn't want to spend ten minutes taking off the dress just to spend another fifteen trying to get it back on. Plus, your makeup looked too good to get ruined.
"We have a reservation to get to" You whispered, and he sighed before resting his head on your bare shoulder. You squeezed his hand in your own "I've been excited for this Jungkook"
"I know baby, I know. I have too" He replied, pulling away and looking at you "You're quite cold" he said, his eyes scanning you as if to make sure you were okay.
You chuckled softly at his concern, leaning up to peck him on the lips "It is winter, Jungkook," you reminded him with a playful smile "I'm also showing a lot of skin right now" referring to your low v-neck dress that also didn't have any sleeves. 
His expression softened as he returned your smile, telling himself not to worry "I just want you to be comfortable," he murmured, pulling you even closer to his warm body "I could warm you up nicely you know..." he added with a mischievous grin.
"You're not ruining my makeup and we're going to be late" You told him, pecking his nose this time and he pouted "You can warm me up when we're back...  I'm yours to do as you please"
Your answer made him groan slightly, eyes closed as his forehead met your own. You would never ever get over how much you affected him, it was a heart skipper every time. Someone like him being flustered by you? You didn't think you'd ever be so lucky. He was sculpted by the gods, inside and out and he was here with you. You felt like the luckiest person alive.
If only you knew how much Jungkook told himself that he doesn't deserve you.
With a soft grin, you reluctantly pulled away from Jungkook's warmth, his eyes meeting yours as he tried to calm himself down. He was so close to popping a boner, to have his way with you right now, but you did have a reservation. A reservation for a date that you had been promised many months ago. Yes you'd be together long enough to go on a first date, but Jungkook had told you it was always about timing, and he wanted to pick the perfect date. He thought winter suited you well.
"Alright, I'll behave..." he said, sighing as he did so "But I'll be having you one way or another"
Your date was indescribable, and you couldn't remember a moment where you weren't smiling or laughing. You had both drank wine, and shared desert together. It soared past your expectations, and you had fallen even more in love with Jungkook. He was perfect, definitely sent by the heavens to you, and you couldn't be more happier. Jungkook couldn't help but admire you throughout the night. He knew that he had been foolish to let you go when he did, and now he was determined to cherish every moment with you.
He'd spend every day hating himself for the lost time.
As the evening came to a close and midnight hit, you both left the restaurant hand in hand, the cold winter air nipping at your cheeks. The date had been perfect, and you couldn't wait to return home to fulfil the promise of warmth that Jungkook had made earlier. You were engulfed in his suit jacket, the material much bigger than your own body and it felt like he was wrapped round you in every way possible. 
However, halfway on your walk home you began to feel the consequences of drinking the wine that you did. Your head had began to gain a slight dull feeling, and you had clenched onto Jungkook for stability. You had stumbled slightly when he noticed, making him immediately wrap his arm around your waist to steady you.
"Are you okay?" he asked with a concerned look, sensing your discomfort.
You managed a weak smile, but your words came out weak slightly "I'm just feeling a bit dizzy, but I'll be fine"
"Are you sure?" He didn't believe you, but he didn't want to push you.
"Yes, it's okay, seriously" You told him, meeting his soft eyes "I'm okay. I don't want to ruin our night"
"You haven't ruined anything... don't worry," he assured you as you walked, holding onto you tightly "We're almost home, okay?" Your heart swelled with gratitude for his care and understanding, and guilt had began to creep up on you thinking that you spoilt the night.
Once you were home, your makeup was removed and Dylan's dress was folded neatly in the corner ready for the morning. You were lying on your side in your pyjamas when Jungkook walked in and closed your bedroom door, water in hand as he smiled gently at you. He was still to undress, but his blouse was unbuttoned and untucked, revealing his chest and stomach that you had kissed many times. His smile was warm and reassuring as he handed you the glass of water. You took it gratefully and drank some to ease the effects of the wine. He sat down on the edge of the bed, his fingers gently brushing a strand of hair away from your face.
"Feeling better?" he asked softly, concern still lingering in his eyes.
You nodded and smiled at him "Much better, thanks to you"
He leaned down and kissed your forehead, a gesture that made your heart flutter "I'm glad you're okay," he whispered. You pulled him into a loving kiss, tasting the lingering sweetness of your night together. Jungkook pulled you closer, his arms wrapped around you protectively and one of your hands danced on his exposed chest, his statement from earlier coming to mind. 
"Is your offer still on for earlier?" You questioned, pulling away from his lips with a smile "I'm still feeling kinda cold.." Jungkook grinned, his eyes sparkling with affection. 
"Well I'd better warm you up nicely then..." he said, his voice low and filled with desire "I'll make sure you're warm on the inside too"
Fuck.
The Monday morning after your date you had been woken up by your stomach turning, and with urgency you found yourself shooting from the warmth of your bed and Jungkook's arms before emptying your stomach in the nearest available place, which luckily was the bin in the corner of your room. As the contents of your stomach were emptied into the bin, you felt a mixture of relief and embarrassment.
Had you really handled your wine that badly last night?
The headache intensified, and you couldn't help but groan in discomfort as you clenched your eyes shut. The passage of time felt hazy, and you had no idea how long you had managed to sleep. However, the relief of having emptied your stomach provided a slight sense of lightness.
"Y/N?" You turned to find Jungkook, his face etched with concern and traces of sleep, as he gingerly climbed out of the bed "Are you okay?" he asked, his voice filled with worry.
"I'm okay... just go back to sleep. I'll clean this up" You assured him, trying not to let your condition trouble him too much.
But as Jungkook approached, tenderly brushing your hair away and gently rubbing your back, you couldn't help but notice how soothing his touch was against your overheated body. You felt a deep appreciation for his kindness and the way he cared for you even in this less-than-ideal situation. He knelt beside you, maintaining the gentle back rub, and stayed with you.
"Y/N..."
"It's okay, Jungkook" you assured, voice low as you gently rubbing your forehead "I think it's just... I had too much wine last night. I'll be fine, just need a moment. I'll come back to bed after" you added with a faint smile, appreciating his concern that grew when your words were slightly slurred.
Jungkook's own instinct took over, and he gently touched your forehead with his hand, his eyebrows raising slightly as he assessed your condition. Your eyes were closed again, and the sensation of his warm skin against yours seemed to sooth the dull throbbing in your head. His caring gesture brought comfort, and you couldn't help but be grateful.
"You're burning up" he said softly, concern in his voice as he brushed your hair away once more. You opened your eyes to meet his worried gaze, and in that moment, your headache and nausea seemed to fade into the background "You're burning up real bad, Y/N"
"Well... you did say you were gonna warm me up" you managed a weak attempt at humour. Any other time, he would have appreciated the jest, but the faintness of your voice and the feeble smile you offered were cause for concern. The realisation of your vulnerability in that moment washed over him, replacing any trace of weariness that he had.
"Y/N, do you want some water?" He questioned, moving closer to you. You closed your eyes once more, sending him a weak nod but your arm had dropped from the side of the bin and now it was his arms holding you upright.
"I want.." You mumbled, now feeling the burning up that he mentioned "I-Just hold me" He did as you requested, moving your hair out your face as you were now fully slumped against him.
"I've got you.. I've got you, baby" He whispered, holding you against his body. As you faded out of consciousness and into sleep, Jungkook held you tightly, his breath slightly shaky.
Jungkook's heart sank. He had experienced this pattern with previous assignments, and he knew that over the next few days, your condition would deteriorate rapidly until the inevitable happened. He scolded himself for not recognising the signs sooner. He recalled touching your arm the night before and feeling the coldness, linking it to the chilly weather rather than understanding the true reason.
It was easy for you both to blame it on the wine, and Jungkook hoped deep down that you lying here asleep in his arms with a high fever after spilling your guts out was because of the wine. 
You had woken up a short while later, awake enough for Jungkook to guide you back to bed. Any other time he would have offered you anything that  you needed, but with the realisation sinking in, he just wanted to be with you. He didn't want to leave your side. So as he pulled the cover over your body and climbed into bed with you, he held you tightly and refused to let go of you. He whispered soothing words, softly brushing his lips against your forehead, hoping to provide you some comfort, even though he couldn't comfort his own thoughts. He couldn't prevent what was to come.
╴╴╴
The dimly lit bar was filled with the faint murmur of late night conversations, a soft hum that echoed the day's end. Jungkook and Yoongi sat side by side, whiskey glasses resting on the worn wooden bar top, the remnants of a gig still pulsating through their veins. Yoongi took a sip of his whiskey, the amber liquid reflecting the dim overhead lights. He looked out into the middle distance, contemplative.
His band had just finished and cleaned up, and now as the bar came to closing time the night was slowly coming to an end. Jungkook glanced at Yoongi, the whiskey running through his veins, but a good perk of being an angel meant that he could never get drunk, so he was free to drink all the whiskey he wanted.
"You know, Jungkook," Yoongi began, his voice tinged with both the weight of experience and a hint of nostalgia "Life's a funny thing. Regrets can be a heavy burden to bear"
It was clear to Jungkook that his elder friend was drunk, and the thought made him smile softly.
Jungkook listened intently, his youthful curiosity always eager to soak up any wisdom his friend offered "What do you mean?"
It wasn't the first time Yoongi had offered a wisdom talk to Jungkook. It's one thing that he admired about his friend, how wise he was. He was only a few years older than Jungkook himself, but he had obviously spent more time on earth than Jungkook. Earth, to live on, would be entirely different to where Jungkook is from. He also noted that while he had an easier life, Yoongi may not have.
Yoongi sighed, the corners of his mouth curving into a bittersweet smile "I've made a lot of choices in my life. Some good, some... not so good. There have been moments when I've let my fears hold me back. Times when I've hesitated when I should've jumped" At Yoongi's confession, Jungkook's gaze softened further.
"You can't always make the right choices.." Jungkook told him, aiming to ease his mind slightly. Another bittersweet smile was shared by Yoongi, and his gaze was fixated on his glass, thoughts somewhere else.
"No, not always" He replied, shrugging his shoulders "I just wish I didn't hate the parts of myself that chose wrong"
"You shouldn't be too hard on yourself" Jungkook reassured him, hand resting on his shoulder as he shook him gently. 
Yoongi let out a small, ironic chuckle at Jungkook's reassurance, his demeanour lightening slightly. He playfully pushed Jungkook's hand off his shoulder, his eyes crinkling with a soft smile.
"You always did have a way of seeing the brighter side of things, Jungkook" Yoongi remarked, his tone appreciative "You've got a good heart kid"
The comment made Jungkook feel good about himself. He knew he had a good heart, not egotistically, but he always tried his best to do right by others. Hence why he was here, right now, drinking whiskey with Yoongi. Hearing it from other people had always meant a lot to him though. 
Jungkook smiled, genuinely touched by Yoongi's words "Thanks, Yoongi.."
"I don't want you to be like me, okay? Live your life without regrets. Take chances, let every experience shape you. You're young, and you have your whole life ahead of you" Yoongi's words lingered in the air, and Jungkook absorbed the essence of their conversation.
He knew their paths were different, their experiences unique, but the sentiment remained clear. A feeling of responsibility began to settle in his heart and he nodded, his expression serious.
"I'll try, Yoongi" He replied, nodding with determination.
"Good" Yoongi had poured the final bit of whiskey in each of their glasses, before turning to Jungkook once more "I should write a song for you one day, you could perform it" Jungkook chuckled at Yoongi's comment, shaking his head bashfully.
"Maybe hyung.. maybe" Jungkook said with a fond smile, raising his glass as they clinked them together in a toast.
Jungkook could thank Yoongi for a lot of things, but he never did. He never got the chance to.
His friendship had done a lot for Jungkook, more than he could have ever expected. He realised that he learnt a lot from his previous assignments, shaping him as he was today. His first being an old lady who had no family, a woman who had lived her life with someone she loved before he was taken from her. She died with no one around her apart from him, and he knew what it was like to be lonely. For him, it was a constant cycle of meeting someone new, meeting those around them and becoming a part of their lives before he was forgotten altogether. As if he didn't make any impact at all.
He learnt to appreciate the value of human relationships. He realised the importance of family and friends, and the need to nurture those relationships. Then when Yoongi came around, he treated him like he had all the time in the world. He nurtured his friendship with him. His first real and true friend. He was taught about wisdom, he was taught that he should live life with no regrets and that things happen to humans for a reason.
Take chances, Yoongi had told him. Let every experience shape you. 
It was a piece of advice that helped Jungkook realise he shouldn't have left you that night. It was a piece of advice that had brought Jungkook back to you, and for that he'd be eternally grateful. Jungkook had come to understand that making meaningful connections with people was worth all the challenges and heartaches.
"Jungkook?" He turned around to the voice source, knowing there was only one person who it could be.
"Hey.." He spoke softly, placing down a plate in the bowl "I thought I told you to rest" 
You couldn't help but smile as you approached him, arms crossing your chest "I couldn't stay away from your cooking," you admitted with a soft smile "Besides, I needed to make sure you weren't burning down the kitchen"
Jungkook chuckled as he set down the spatula and walked over to you, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you into his embrace and you accepted it easily "I promise, I haven't set anything on fire"
He kissed your forehead, hearing you sigh he and held you for a moment, his heart hurting knowing that now he really didn't have much time left with you. You weren't getting any better, and he knew you wouldn't. It had only been a day since your throwing up incident, and although your mind was occupied on how embarrassing it was for Jungkook to see you like that, he couldn't help but think differently and think about the inevitable that was about to happen.
It pained him to see you suffering. He wished he could do something, anything, to change the course of your fate, but he felt helpless. This was the heartbreak that he wanted to avoid.
"Let me help.." You mumbled against his chest, and he shook his head, rubbing your back gently.
"I want you to rest" He reminded you, and you sighed, pulling away from him so you could meet his gaze.
"All I've done is rest, Jungkook" You told him, eyes pleading with him to let you do something. You felt like such a burden allowing him to run around and look after you, you missed being productive "It's just a cold, I'm more than capable of helping"
You had grown pale, a sickly pale and he missed the rosiness in your cheeks. Your paleness had only led you further into believing that you had a cold, and Jungkook only wished that he was clueless about what was really happening. He smiled softly, reluctantly giving into your plead.
"Okay, okay," he conceded "but promise me you'll take it easy. I'll let you help, but at my pace, alright?"
You smiled successfully, nodding your head just as eagerly before he kissed your forehead, his concern evident in his eyes.
Thankfully for him, you did go at his pace, not overdoing anything and cooking beside him. It was nice, for both of you. Jungkook, for a moment, could forget about his limited time, and the looming cloud over his head that kept reminding him he wouldn't be here in a few days, with you in your home while you cooked food for you both to eat. He appreciated these moments, savouring the time he had with you.
The reminder made him hold your hand while you were eating, and cuddle you closer when you had settled on the sofa together. He kissed your neck, enjoying the small giggles that you let out when he refused to stop despite your claim that it tickled. He rubbed your back, ensuring you were warm and if you were in any pain he hoped his touch soothed it somewhat. He told you he loved you, and that he was happy that he was here with you.
You, in turn, savored his love and attention, your heart warmed by his gestures. The simple act of cuddling on the sofa, his whispers of love, and his soothing touch were the most precious gifts you could ask for.
Once the movie was over, you had not accepted his refusal when it came to washing up. You told him it was your house so he should follow your rules, and with a reluctant sigh he allowed you to help and found your successful grin amusing. So you washed, while he stood by your side with a towel before drying the cutlery you passed him. It had gone so well, the night was perfect and eased his mind slightly. He was happy, until it came down to the last plate left.
You had been scrubbing away, and clearly even that took a lot of your energy. That combined with how you had helped him cook, he should have known it would be too much for you. The last plate was dropped in the sink, smashing almost immediately  and you had gasped loudly mid-conversation. Jungkook acted quickly, grabbing your wrists and pulling you away from the sink and the broken ceramic.
But it had been too late, and he had noticed your hand bleeding as you swore at the dull feeling of a cut. You hoped it wasn't deep, and you were thankful to have Jungkook besides you because you didn't act until he did. Jungkook's quick thinking and actions came naturally, his concern for you overriding any panic that might have set in. With a sense of urgency, he led you to the nearby table, gently guiding you to sit down as he assessed the wound on your hand. The small trail of blood was worrisome, and he could see the pain in your eyes.
Once you were sat he got up to retrieve the first aid kit, which you had handy in the kitchen before cleaning the wound. Thankfully for both of you, it wasn't deep enough to need medical attention and you appreciated the gentleness of his hands. He was steady while he wrapped the bandage around your hand, and you flinched when it stung but his apologies soon soothed you. 
When he was finished, he pulled away with a proud look. He was nervous when he first started, he had never had to bandage something up before but he did what seemed to be a good job. It wasn't bleeding through the bandage, and he made a mental note to check it first thing in the morning and clean it again.
"All done" He spoke gently, rubbing your thigh for comfort as he stayed kneeled in front of you. He looked up from your hand to your face, and frowned when he realised you hadn't spoke nor looked at him "Y/N? You okay? Does it hurt, do you need anything?"
"No it's fine.." Your voice was small and he scooted further into you so he could hear you better. He heard you sniff once, then again and before he knew it he noticed a few stray tears escape.
"Hey.. hey, what's wrong?"
"I'm sorry.. I'm sorry, Jungkook"
He didn't need to say much else, so he acted and pulled you into his embrace and held you tightly. You hid your face in his neck and sobbed, you avoided hitting your hand and clung to him tightly, need some sort of stability. He let you cry, and cry you did. The rhythmic rise and fall of his chest as he breathed offered you a sense of comfort. His hand, which moved soothingly along your back, felt like a lifeline, and his embrace was like a warm cocoon, protecting you from the world's troubles.
As your sobs slowly began to subside, Jungkook continued to hold you tenderly. You could feel the warmth of his breath against your ear as he whispered words of comfort, and his fingers continued to trace soothing patterns on your back. The outside world seemed distant whenever you were in his embrace.
"I don't even know why I'm crying" You admitted, pulling away from his neck and he met your eyes "I can't even be trusted to fucking wash up" He wiped away the last of your tears with his thumb, and you could see the sincerity in his eyes.
"Hey, come on now. It's okay to cry," He told you before pulling your hand into his own. His eyes never left yours, filled with a sense of care "It's just a little cut, love. Accidents happen to the best of us" he said softly, his thumb caressing the back of your hand.
He brought your injured hand to his lips and placed a gentle kiss on the injured area, and you smiled softly. It stung when his lips touched the bandaged area, but you didn't mind much in that moment. His care made you feel a warmth that no cut or accident could extinguish.
"I don't know what I'd do without you" You admitted in a quiet voice again, and his eyes shone at your confession. He brushed the hair from your face, and you leant in to place a gentle kiss on his lips. His mouth met yours with warmth and affection and he sighed into you when you gripped his waist tightly. 
You could never get tired of kissing him. The taste of his lips, the warmth of his breath, and the way his body pressed against yours.. it was a feeling that would forever feel surreal.
You pulled away to catch your breath and he smiled softly, bringing his pressure red lips to your forehead and holding them there for a moment.
"You won't ever have to find out" Jungkook whispered against your forehead, a promise that he would never leave you ever again "Come on, let's get you to bed"
With Jungkook's gentle encouragement, you allowed him to help you up and guide you to your bedroom. He took good care of you, making sure you were comfortable before laying down beside you. The disaster in the kitchen was soon forgot about as you lay there staring at the ceiling, bandaged hand on your chest while Jungkook held your waist tightly. He was breathing softly beside you, and you turned your head to look at his face.
His eyes were closed, but you knew he was awake. He looked so peaceful in that moment, and you marvelled at how lucky you were to have him by your side. You felt a wave of gratitude hit you in that moment, and you whispered his name gently. 
One of his eyes opened to look at you, and you smiled amusingly. You lifted up your hand to push a strand of his hair away, and he accepted the feeling of your cool fingertips on his forehead. You leant in once more, pressing your lips to his own again but this time firmer than before. He responded perfectly, sighing into your mouth once more and moving his lips against your own.
As your tongues mixed together, you grew bold and twisted so that your hand could run under the cover, meeting the hem of his boxers. Most nights, you both only slept in your underwear. You both had enough body heat to keep you warm, and you also didn't see the point in wearing pyjamas when there'd be some nights that Jungkook's hands would wander before stripping you and bringing you to a climax.
He got your idea, and hummed against you before stopping your actions.
"Y/N-" He warned, and you shushed him, shaking your head.
"Please, Jungkook..." You questioned, and he met your eyes, seeing a sense of need within them.
It's not that he didn't want to, he always always did, but he was worried about you. You wanted this, you needed this, you needed him. Just some sort of intimacy that made you forget for a little while. Being around Jungkook made it easy to forget things, and you wanted him to love you and bring you the pleasure you always craved whenever your lips met his own.
Your desires were evident in your eyes and your touch, and Jungkook couldn't help but sigh against you. Your health was a concern he couldn't ignore. He had seen how your condition was deteriorating, and he was afraid that any physical intimacy might make things worse. The thought of causing you harm weighed heavily on his heart.
"I just don't want to hurt you" You shook your head at his worry, and he closed his eyes when you began palming him through his boxers "I don't.. I don't want to push you into something that might make you feel worse"
"I'm not that fragile" You told him, whispering against his ear when he hid his face in your neck and letting out a small moan "I want you, Jungkook. I need you.."
"Fuck-" He groaned when you did one particular rub that made him thrust up in your hand. He was breathing heavily already, and he was finding it very difficult to resist you "I-Fuck, only if you're sure"
You nodded, your insistence had started to break down his resistance, and he found himself leaning down to kiss you again before shuffling in between your legs. His boxers were soon pulled down to his thighs, not having the patience to dispose of them fully, and your panties were pushed to the side. He didn't waste any time, and you were grateful as you felt him push inside you, warm and bare you gasped at the sensation of his tip breeching your entrance.
You sighed blissfully, swearing under your breath as he continued pushing until he was all the way in. Your dark room was filled with your heavy breaths as he sat inside you for a moment, bodies glued together as he kissed your neck gently. It was like a relief to have him inside you, and it always felt like the first time no matter how many times you slept together.
He mumbled something under his breath before pulling out and wasting no time in pushing back in. He took your breath away for a moment, and your legs gripped his waist, trapping him. He faced you, bringing his lips to yours before repeating the thrusting motion causing a whimper to escape from you. 
You could feel him everywhere and you felt so full. You'd never get tired of having him around you, having him inside you, and as his thrusts grew more desperate so did you. You gripped his hair with your uninjured hand and moaned loudly against him, not caring. You didn't have to worry about Dylan hearing you, and you knew how much he liked hearing you, so you didn't hold back.
Jungkook on the other hand was losing his shit. 
If he could die right here, right now, with you he'd be more than happy. The feeling of your walls around his cock was ethereal, and something about this moment right here right now felt different to everything that he's ever experienced. He's happy that he gave into your seduction.
It was clear this was meant to be quick, and quick it was. His thrusts grew more desperate as he kissed you faster, both of your mouths becoming hot wet messes, and the sound of your bodies connecting was sinful, but you enjoyed every second of it. 
"Fucking love this cunt.." He whispered against you, earning another whimper in return "Feel so fucking good baby"
"Don't stop Jungkook" He didn't have any plan on doing so. 
"Wanna feel you cum around my cock, baby" He told you, nibbling on your bottom lip and your legs squeezed his waist just a little tighter "Wanna fuck you stupid" His words were affecting you big time, and you'd never grow tired of his praise.
"Fuck.." His hair was pulled, but it only seemed to encourage him more "I'm gonna cum-"
"Cum for me baby" He encouraged, and you bit your lip tightly, the action making him groan and thrust harder, his voice getting more demanding by the second as his own orgasm approached "Fucking cum-Fuck, I love you so much"
With one final thrust, you moaned loudly and found yourself cumming almost immediately as he whispered over and over about how much he loved you. Your legs twitched around him, muscles spasming slightly as the overwhelming feeling of pleasure consumed you. He moaned against you, and with the feeling of your walls gripping his cock tightly due to his orgasm he found himself cumming inside you, hiding his face in your neck once again as his teeth grazed your skin. He filled you up to the brim, and despite you both becoming sensitive, he carried on softly thrusting until every drop of his orgasm was inside you.
You were both breathing heavily, your bodies tired and while he felt empty you felt whole. As disgusting as it may have sounded, the feeling of him painting your walls white was heavenly and you'd never grow tired of the feeling of it. You swore under your breath as he pulled his now softened cock out, and your panties snapped back into place. You felt the aftermath of your sex soak the material, staining your sheets. It wasn't the first time you had ruined your bed sheets while having sex, and it hopefully wouldn't be the last. 
He kissed your lips gently, both of you now sweaty and uncomfortable but your body felt amazing. 
"Shower?" You whispered against his lips, earning a breathy chuckle in response.
"Shower.." He agreed, meeting your eyes. You smiled sweetly at him, and allowed him to guide your wobbly legs to the shower.
╴╴╴
Jungkook's heart was breaking day by day.
It was now the fifth day, and you were only getting worse. 
Each passing day was a reminder that he was losing you, and it was a pain that he couldn't escape. He continued with his support, holding you when you asked, kissing you when you asked, he gave you food and water and there were times when you refused it, not wanting anything. He was trying his best. It was becoming clear that there was only so much he could do.
The realisation that he couldn't help you weighed heavily on him, and it was clearly bothering him. But he pushed on. When you asked if he was okay, he'd nod and reassure you, not wanting to worry you. He wanted to spend every second possible with you, knowing that every second that passed was a moment closer to the inevitable. 
Your frustration was evident. It was clear to him that you refused to lay at home, allowing him to run around you while you just laid down doing nothing. Your stubbornness also kicked in, and you refused to let him do all the work around the house despite his protests. You knew you'd be back up to shape in a few days, and you promised Jungkook that.
You also promised work that you'd be back in a few days, ill or not. You missed working, you missed your coworkers and it was weird being away from the store for as long as this. 
Guilt had began eating away at Jungkook.
He knew it wasn't him directly causing your health to worsen, but the thought still crossed his mind daily as he noticed you growing weaker and weaker. He didn't get to choose his assignments, he didn't get to choose this lifestyle, but it was what he was stuck with. 
There were moments where he wanted to tell you. Sit you down and hold you while he told you everything. Why he met you, why he spent so much time around you and the real reason why he had walked away from you. He was being truthful in saying he was scared, because he was, but the heartbreak that he mentioned to you wasn't detailed truthfully.
But telling you would be selfish, telling you would only bring you pain and everything would almost be for nothing. Telling you wouldn't make a difference, it would only aid him in a way that he wouldn't have to live without you. He didn't want to go on with his life and hurt every time he thought of you. 
It was a choice that he made for you, and you only. 
"Why don't you ring Dylan?" He questioned, making you glance at him "Might be nice to hear her.. might make you feel a bit better" He only offered because she wouldn't be here with you. 
"I don't want to disturb her" You sighed, your eyes closing again.
You were laid in bed facing each other, Jungkook holding you close as he listened to your uneven breaths. It's all he wanted to do these days, hold you. He couldn't get enough of you and it was weighing in on him that in a few days he wouldn't be able to hold you. His leg was in between yours, your foreheads touching as your fingers were threaded together. You were awfully cold, and despite having Jungkook's warm body against your own, it was as if he wasn't your own personal heater. 
"You know you could never disturb her" Jungkook reassured you, his grip tender. One of your hands was still bandaged, the wound not yet fully healed "She's your best friend"
"I'd like you to meet my parents one day" When you suddenly mentioned meeting your parents, he was taken aback. His silence prompted you to open your eyes, and you smiled gently, nodding your head in confirmation "I've been thinking about it since Dylan and Jin left and.. I think mine would love you"
He gathered all his strength in that moment, because he would love to meet your parents, he'd love to meet your family and every other person who meant the world to you. But in a few days he'd be forgotten. The minute your heart stopped it would be as if he never existed, like he never made an impact on your life. Like you never loved him.
But you did, more than anything, and you'd never get the chance to share that love with your family. 
"Y/N.." He whispered, his voice trembling slightly "I'd love to meet your parents"
His reply made you lighten up slightly, your heart skipping a beat. Your parents would love him, and even if they didn't (highly unlikely), it wouldn't stop you from loving him. He was everything you could have asked for and more, and thank god he was here with you right now. If they knew about the way he had looked after you, they'd be on their knees and thanking him for coming into your life.
"Jungkook?" You whispered, eyes closing again and he hummed in response. A small smile ghosted your lips and you squeezed his hand tightly "I think I really love you"
He chuckled softly, leaning in and tenderly kissing you. It only lasted a few seconds, but when you sighed against his lips he pulled you closer.
"I think I really really love you" He responded.
╴╴╴
It was winter when you died.
The snow covered the grounds and it was so white outside Jungkook could swear he was in the human interpretation of his home. But he wasn’t, and his heart was hurting now more than ever.
It had been a few weeks since you had passed, he'd said goodbye to you on christmas eve, but the pain still felt fresh. He had been assigned a new assignment already, not long after your funeral that he didn't and couldn't attend, but he often found himself returning to this place, seeking comfort. He knew everyone forgot him, but he wished that he was the one to forget.
He wished that you were stood there waiting for him, a bright smile on your face before welcoming him into your embrace. He liked to think you were stood with him when he visited, a hand on his shoulder making sure he’d never forget you. He couldn’t.
He loved you. He learnt to love you. He knew the risk and at one point he tried to walk away to save himself because he knew he couldn’t save you.. but he came back, and every moment since made him feel alive.
His boots made the snow beneath him crunch loudly, and any other time he’d enjoy he sound of it, but as he walked through the eerie grounds of the graveyard he couldn’t help but wish he was somewhere else. This time that he visited, he carried something with him, a present that he was meant to give you on christmas day.
The book he had told you about, a book that he loved. A book that he told you about before your first unofficial coffee date. The wrapped up copy of Hush, Hush was gripped in his hands, and he intended on giving it to you to share his love for something. Just like how he had watched all those movies for you, he wanted you to read this for him. And he knew you would have.
Upon arriving to his destination, he noticed he wasn’t alone today. A familiar face to him, but not a familiar to her. Not anymore.
He hid the book under his jacket as he approached. Dylan was kneeled at your headstone, the snow covering her knees and it looked like she had been here for a while. Her hands covered in gloves, and a wooly hat on top of her head. It was from you. He staggered a little bit, seeing the familiar wooly hat that you had excitedly shown Jungkook, one that you were happy you found. You claimed that Dylan would love it. 
Her cheeks were stained red, whether it be from the cold or the tears that couldn’t stop, Jungkook only wished that she knew who he was in this moment. She shut her eyes, shuffling slightly before whimpering your name, her words carried away by the wind. His heart hurt.
“You shouldn’t stay out here too long” He found himself speaking first, and Dylan had turned around to face the voice “It’s cold… I’m sure whoever you’re here to see wouldn’t want you to get sick because of them”
You wouldn’t. He knew that you wouldn’t want Dylan getting sick because you were gone. He knew you wouldn’t want her to sit alone for hours in a puddle of her own tears. But it was inevitable… because she had lost a big part of her. So had he.
Dylan looked at the stranger who had approached her with a mixture of surprise.
"Who are you?" she asked, her voice tinged with a hint of suspicion. Jungkook hesitated for a moment.
"Here for the same reason as you, I assume" he replied, and she stared at him for a moment longer "It's so cold these days and.. I know I'd certainly be scolded for being out here in this weather"
Dylan's expression softened slightly, and she nodded “She’d be cursing my name right now” The female replied, her voice weak and she turned back to the grave in front of her “But I feel closest to her here”
Jungkook had slowly walked up to stand beside her, one hand gripping the hidden book while the other occupied itself in his pocket. As he got closer, his eyes grazed your familiar name that was carved into the headstone. It felt surreal, and Jungkook hated it.
“Was she family?” He knew the answer. He knew Dylan. He knew you.
“No… but she might as well have been” Dylan wiped her nose that was beginning to get stuffy before adjusting her gloves “It’s weird how some friends feel more like family than your actual family… fuck that bullshit quote that says blood is thicker than water”
Jungkook agreed.
“I’m sorry for your loss” Was all he could say. It was his loss too, but he couldn’t voice it.
“Are you here for family?” She questioned, avoiding eye contact as she didn’t want this stranger to see how red and puffy her eyes were.
“Girlfriend” Another strike of pain, and he kept his eyes on the headstone in front of him.
“I’m sorry…” She whispered, her voice weak. Me too.
“It’s still fresh. I just wish that when I come here to visit she’s actually here… and I’m not just talking to the ground”
“I understand” Another sniffle and a shaky breath was let out by the female, and her shoulders deflated “I’m over at my boyfriends all the time because I can’t stand being in our house by myself… not when I think she’s going to open the door at anytime”
Jungkook almost cried, but he dealt with the stinging sensation in his eyes as he held back the waterworks.
“I miss her” Jungkook whispered.
Dylan had loved you. Jungkook had loved you. Now you were nothing but a memory to both. Your lips were a distant memory against his own, and your laughter was a sound that Dylan would soon forget the sound of.
Dylan’s mind thought different to his, and while he had convinced her that he was mourning a woman that she did not know, Jungkook knew they were both sharing the grief and the loss of the same person, and they would be for the rest of their lives. Jungkook and Dylan were left with their own private grief, each dealing with the loss in their own way. Jungkook wished he could tell Dylan the truth, that he understood her pain all too well.
The snow continued to fall, and there was a shared a moment of mutual understanding and grief. 
“Me too”
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sokooks · 6 months
Text
Horizon (Part One)
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Masterlist
Summary: The way you approached life had started to break down Jungkook's emotional barriers. Jungkook couldn't deny that he was drawn to you in a way that was entirely new and unfamiliar. You had become more than just an assignment; you had become someone he genuinely cared about. It was the way you made him feel. With you, he felt more human than he had in a long time.
Despite his best efforts to remain detached, his heart had other plans.
Pairing: Angel!Jungkook x Reader (You)
Word count: 16k
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People of different ages die every day, although being assigned the task of being around someone who is about to pass away soon, with the uncertainty of when it will happen, is not a role anyone would want to embrace.
Angels, Jungkook thought, weren't quite as heavenly as some humans portrayed them to be. Life in the celestial realm, at least before turning 25, could be described as marvellous, filled with curiosity and limitless freedom. However, the opinions of his fellow angels varied when it came to their heavenly duties. The first 25 years of an angel's existence were carefree. But as they crossed that threshold, they were destined to become one of the fallen, burdened with the responsibility of being around those who died rather than protecting them—a role that weighed heavy on their shoulders. Well... some of their shoulders.
It was the end of spring when Jungkook first met you.
Jungkook would carry the memory of his first encounter with him, an imprint etched into his mind and he wondered if it ever got easier. Even now, at the age of 27 and having fulfilled two previous assignments, he remained aware of his purpose, the thread that connected him to the lives he touched. He found comfort in the empathy that he could share with those he was assigned to.
Yet, that initial meeting to start things off always lingered as a haunting memory. The weight of his duty was never more apparent than during those moments of introduction.
The rules were clear, and Jungkook couldn't help but hold resentment toward his fellow fallen beings who approached their assignments with disregard. Angels were meant to ensure a painless passing, ensuring there was a balance between getting to know their assignments without revealing their true identity. A death that would be considered painless by the angels is only given if the angel gets to know their assignment. If discovered, both the assignment and the angel would meet the same fate. 
The description of angels as a "wonderful species" in human eyes was questionable to Jungkook.
Jungkook's first assignment felt almost too straightforward. He assumed the role of a gardener for an elderly woman, despite having no prior experience in gardening. But tending to her garden proved simpler than he had anticipated. The woman had lived in isolation for six years, her husband's passing leaving her with no family to turn to. Jungkook took comfort in the fact that, at the very least, he could provide her with companionship in her final days. Over the course of two months, they formed a bond.
Then, the dreaded disaster week arrived, and he was by her side, attending to her needs just moments before her life gently slipped away. At least, it was a painless departure.
Jungkook's second assignment came just after he turned 26, and it felt quite different from his first. This time, he became involved in the life of Yoongi, a guy who produced music for a local band and played the guitar.
Their friendship had started naturally. Jungkook first met Yoongi at one of the band's concerts, and they became friends over drinks and late night talks about songwriting and whiskey. Even though Yoongi was older and wiser, Jungkook still learned a lot from him about how humans live. Jungkook had studied life on earth for 25 years before becoming one of the fallen, but there was always more to discover.
Watching Yoongi go was sad, and he'd say he lost his very first friend that day. He had spent many months with Yoongi, and for a while, he almost forgot the real reason he was there. Even though Jungkook didn't directly cause the end of his assignments' lives, knowing he was around them for that purpose was tough.
After Yoongi passed away, Jungkook quietly disappeared from the lives of the people he had met through Yoongi. They moved on, gradually forgetting the angel who had been a temporary presence, while focussing on how quickly Yoongi's health had declined. They would forget easily, but Jungkook couldn't. At least Yoongi's passing had been peaceful.
As soon as his role was fulfilled, it was as if he had never existed, leaving no trace of his presence behind. Every person he had met in his assignments, every life he had touched, had seemingly erased him from their memories. It was as if he were an invisible guardian, leaving no trace of his presence behind.
In the first few weeks of his assignment, Jungkook often just watched and learned. He tried to figure out the person he was assigned to, like their friends, daily habits, and when they had free time. This led him to a small video store in town, where he knew he would find you.
It was funny almost, how he met you in the season of rebirth.
The store he walked into had a unique atmosphere, one that Jungkook found quite appealing. He noticed that each column had a different movie category written on it. As he looked around, he saw that the store had a few customers, mostly young people in their twenties, which made him feel like he belonged there. Without thinking much, he wandered over to the horror section, running his fingers along the DVDs neatly arranged in alphabetical order.
"Hi" He heard a voice to his right and was greeted with a friendly smile and a body smaller than his broad one "Need any help with what you're looking for?"
The person to his side wore a uniform that he could tell belonged to the video store. A member of staff offering him any help that he may need to buy a movie that he definitely was not going to watch. He offered a smile in return before gazing back to the movies he was stood by.
"I have an idea..." He replied pursing his lips "Although help would be nice"
"No problem" As he glanced over at his new companion who stepped closer, his eyes quickly drifting to the name tag attached to the polo shirt that was worn "So what idea did you have in mind?"
"I'm searching for something new, maybe a franchise," Jungkook replied, his voice gentle. Y/n. It was you. His thoughts wandered briefly, contemplating if your kindness was genuine or just part of your customer service demeanour. Nonetheless, he couldn't help but return your smile.
"We have the conjuring series available in store I think? That's pretty popular at the moment" you informed him as you scanned the rows of movies. "But if not, I could check in the back for you," you offered. Jungkook pursed his lips slightly, considering his options
"What's your favourite?" Jungkook inquired, meeting your gaze with interest. "I'm sure the best recommendations come from those who are more familiar with the movies. So, which horror film would you recommend?" he asked, his curiosity piqued.
His comment left you a little flustered. Get it together. You were only human! So no one could blame you for being slightly amused when a (very) attractive man asks you what your favourite horror was. 
"I suppose some might disagree with my choice," you chuckled, crossing your arms over your chest. "But I'm a fan of the scream franchise," you admitted with a grin.
"A new one for me" He told you and your eyes widened slightly.
"Really? You haven't even seen the first one?" You expressed genuine surprise at his confession, prompting a chuckle from Jungkook. He had his hands tucked into the pockets of his bomber jacket while he replied.
"I don't usually drift towards the horror genre"
"What is it you usually like to watch then?" Nothing.
"I'm not picky, anything really" You nodded your head in understanding "Maybe I should find which genre suits me best. I guess that's what I'm looking for"
"I'd say start off slow" You told him "You don't want to go fully in and buy a whole set of DVD's for a franchise that you may not even watch or like. We do have a renting service available, so if you'd like to rent a movie from us then bring it back within two weeks, we could work from there and find what you like"
Jungkook decided that he liked hearing you talk. 
"Sounds good to me" He replied, earning a bright smile in return.
"Great! Which one would you like to start with?"
"Show me this scream franchise"
Sometimes, Jungkook wondered why he had such a big heart. Why did he care so much? Why did he care so deeply? Wouldn't it be simpler to detach himself, to not form attachments with those he was assigned to guide? Perhaps it would be easier not to mourn them before moving on to the next assignment. After all, their fate would ultimately rest on his shoulders—his presence merely served to make their departure less painful. Then there was the guilt of knowing that they suffered because of him. Because he didn’t want to risk his own heart.
But what a lonely life that would be. He would only interact with certain people in his life, that was the aftermath of being one of the fallen. He wouldn’t meet anyone else outside of his assignments, none of them did. And even after then he would still be forgotten. When he thought about it properly, Jungkook couldn't help but feel a sense of emptiness and isolation. He grows to care for the souls that he is assigned to, and yet, once his duty was done, he's easily forgotten. It was a lonely existence, one filled with unspoken goodbyes and forgotten moments.
As time passed, you found yourself encountering Jungkook more often since his initial visit. His visits to your workplace became a regular occurrence. He would occasionally quiz you about various movies and playfully tease you when you didn't know the answer (as if he knew everything). He always sought your recommendations, and you were more than happy to provide them. It was hard not to be charmed by him, and you were very quick on anticipating his return to the shop every shift you had, but you reminded yourself not to get too eager. After all, he was just a customer.
Jungkook had briefly met your roommate, Dylan, only because she had visited you at work one day while he was there, engaged in conversation with you. You had mentioned that you had been living together for about a year, but despite your short time as roommates, you both were exceptionally close. Dylan often teased you for being your only friend, which only strengthened your bond. She visited you at work frequently, aware that her presence typically made your day even better. On occasion, she brought you coffee or food, and Jungkook couldn't help but notice that her arrival made your smile shine.
In addition to Dylan, you had your coworkers, and Jungkook couldn't help but hide a smirk whenever he overheard their whispers. They often commented on how he conveniently visited the shop when you were working and how it seemed like he only spoke to you. The gossip among your coworkers only added to the intrigue surrounding his regular visits.
I think our little horror fanatic has a secret admirer is what one of them whispered one afternoon. If only they knew the real reason that he was around.
Jungkook didn't try to hide his visits. He intentionally came on the days when you were working and mostly talked to you. He didn't want to seem too eager, so he waited three days before coming back after your first meeting. After that, he kept coming back regularly.
On Thursdays, you worked late and were alone in the store for the last hour before closing. As it got dark outside, Jungkook was there to make sure you left the shop safely. He often watched from a hidden spot as you locked up before heading home. To anyone who noticed him, it might seem like he had other reasons for being there.
Jungkook didn't want to push things. He had learned from his past two assignments that there was no need to hurry. However, his job was unpredictable, and he never knew when disaster might happen. It could be tomorrow or even a year from now. But he found solace in the fact that he had made an effort, and that was enough for him.
In some ways, Jungkook hoped that you would be the one to initiate conversations with him. He could sense that you occasionally became flustered around him, even though you tried to conceal it. He noted that this could work in his favour. 
As for you, you couldn't help but feel amazed that someone as good looking as Jungkook was taking an interest in you. It felt like luck was finally on your side this year.
Even if it didn't seem like things were progressing romantically between you and Jungkook, perhaps you could build a friendship. You had never experienced someone coming into the store as frequently as he did, which led you to question why he chose to engage with you instead of your coworkers. It was enjoyable to introduce him to various movies, especially in the horror genre, and you were pleasantly surprised when he ended up enjoying all of your recommendations. His transition from renting one movie during each visit to purchasing the entire set brought a bright grin to your face, especially the day he bought the scream franchise.
It had been almost a month since your first meeting, and your shift was coming to an end. Today was different, your supposed secret admirer hadn't visited. You didn't want to let yourself feel disappointed because you kept reminding yourself that he was just a regular customer, but it was the first time in a while that he hadn't shown up.
Janet, your coworker, leaned forwards with a mischievous glint in her eye and playfully suggested, "You know, Y/N, maybe you should ask for his number" You couldn't help but scoff at her idea, your focus on the stock list in your hands unwavering. Janet pressed on, her curiosity piqued. "Oh, come on. You're the one he always talks to when he's in here."
Your response was swift as you chuckled and met her gaze. "Janet, it's not like that," you assured her, attempting to downplay any romantic ideas she might have “He’s only interested in horror which is why it's only me that he talks to” Was your reply, but apparently it wasn’t good enough for Janet.
But Janet's grin only became more playful. "Y/N, seriously, you should consider asking for his number. It's not just the horror that he's interested in" You met her eyes before shaking your head.
"Janet, it's not like that," you added, attempting to dismiss the notion of any romantic interest. Or any interest at all.
“The signs are all there… you just don’t see it as well as we do”
"You're suggesting that I ask a customer for his number?" You posed the question, raising an eyebrow at Janet. She nodded, her expression suggesting that it was the most natural thing in the world "Some people might be comfortable with that, but not me," you explained.
"It's not about comfort; it's about confidence" Janet replied, her tone lighthearted which earned her a chuckle from you "What could go wrong? He says no, you get a little embarrassed, but then you move the fuck on. At least you tried!" she added, her words laced with a carefree attitude
"We don't even know if he's single" you pointed out with a small laugh. Janet waved off your concern with a dismissive gesture. "Janet, I don't even know his name!" You couldn't help but find the conversation amusing, and you suspected she wasn't the only coworker thinking along these lines.
"That's why you have to make the first move!" Janet insisted, her determination evident. It was clear she wasn't giving up on her matchmaking idea, but you remained stubborn in your decision not to ask a stranger for his number.
"He hasn't actually shown that he's interested in me, he only ever asks about the movies, nothing else" you explained as you rounded the desk yourself. Placing the stock list on the wooden surface in front of her, you raised your eyebrows, your tone conveying your point clearly. "So, I am making no move" you concluded, underscoring your reluctance to take the initiative with someone who seemed solely interested in film recommendations.
"What a waste" Janet sighed, her shoulders visibly deflating with disappointment. You couldn't help but snicker at her reaction "You might regret it" she warned with a playful grin, still hopeful that you might change your mind.
“We'll see" you replied with a smile, leaving the possibility open without making any commitments
╴╴╴
It was Saturday morning when it happened. Jungkook was heading to the public library to return a book that he had been reading, and he took a double glance at someone occupying a table in the corner, and he couldn't believe his eyes. It was as if an invisible force had drawn him closer to you. Angel fate, huh? In the corner you sat, typing away furiously at your laptop. An empty plastic water bottle and a sandwich package that was meant for one rather than two suggested that you had been here for a while. Your eyebrows were furrowed, a crease resting on your features as you lightly bopped to the music playing through your headphones. You were utterly engrossed in your typing, your face softly illuminated by the glow of the screen.
Jungkook couldn't help but watch you for a brief moment before realising that he should move before someone caught him staring. He relied on his stomper boots to carry him toward your table, and despite his proximity, you remained engrossed in your work, not yet aware of his approach. Anxious that you might find him strange for standing and staring, he gently waved his hand in front of him, hoping to catch your attention. Your gaze shifted from annoyance at the disturbance to curiosity as you looked at him for a brief second. With a brighter expression, you removed your headphones, signalling that you finally noticed him.
"Hi," Jungkook spoke first, a friendly smile on his face. "It's y/n, right?"
"Yeah, hi" you replied, still appearing somewhat bewildered by his unexpected presence. Jungkook could understand your surprise. After all, in your eyes, he was just a regular customer.
“Gotta admit, it's kind of weird to see you out of the shop” Jungkook replied, chuckling and it seemed to squeeze one out of you too. Well of course it's weird Jungkook.. and now she might think that you're stalking her!
“You too” Thankfully for the angel, his words seemed to elicited a chuckle from you. You didn't seem too bothered about seeing him in the library. You nodded towards the book in his hands before leaning forwards in your seat "Borrowing a book?”
“Returning actually" He told you, shrugging his shoulders "I'm sure they’re getting sick of me being here, I'm here almost every week borrowing something new”
"I wish I was into reading that much" You admitted.
He had enjoyed reading before he became one of the fallen. Earth had it's share of good books, but they couldn't quite compare to the ones he used to read. He mostly stuck to the same genre of books and was particularly interested in how human writers perceived his home. He was also intrigued how they perceived angels like him.
"I learned to love it," Jungkook replied lightly tapping the hardback book with his fingers. A small smirk graced his features before he met your eyes again, his tone slightly teasing. "Plus, I have to give myself something to do when I'm not busy with your movie recommendations" he added.
At that comment, your cheeks heated up, but thankfully they didn't turn pink. You couldn't help but blush a bit. If Janet heard about this conversation right now, she'd probably be urging you to make a move. It's not just the horror that he's interested in she had said. As much as you could fantasise about it, you couldn't quite convince yourself that he was coming into the shop just to see you. That would be too bizarre. But, seeing him here right now on your day off, it did feel like someone up there was looking out for you. You were sure this was Janet's manifestation in some way.
“Do you work at all?” Was all you could reply, moving past the heat on your cheeks and you hoped that he didn’t think the question was rude or intrusive, but when you saw him smile shyly before shaking his head at your question you were relieved to know it wasn't.
“Only when they need me.. but I'm in my last year of university” A lie “Thankfully I'm always up to date with my uni work, even if I don't attend the lectures” At this you laughed, which made Jungkook smile brightly.
“Busier than me that’s for sure”
Jungkook wished he could say why he was here. He wished that he could tell all his assignments the reason he's around them, but he didn't want to die... and he surely didn't want his assignments to die painfully because of him. That's not something he could have on his mind. He didn't want a guilty conscious.
"What are you up to?" Jungkook nodded towards your laptop before taking a seat across from you at the table. He hoped you didn't mind, but as you didn't ask him to move, he relaxed into the seat slightly, eager to continue the conversation.
“My resume…” You sighed, your shoulders deflating slightly and his eyebrows raised “My old one is a little bit outdated... so if I want to go looking for a new job, I need to update it as soon as. I can now add work experience which I didn't have much of before, and my age has changed a lot since I last wrote this” He smiled at your light tone.
“You want a different job?” He questioned, and you met his eyes before he panicked at his question “I don't mean to intrude”
“No! No, you’re fine don't worry” You assured him, and this time it was his shoulders that relaxed “I do… but then I don't. I love my job, and even more recently, but I feel like I can do more you know? I want to do more” You don't tell him that you've been enjoying your job recently because of him, because that would be weird... right?
“What job did you have in mind?”
“I've always wanted to do nannying” Your voice was soft as you spoke, and it seemed like you were almost lost in your thoughts “I used to babysit my cousins before I was hired in the video store… but then they got too old, I went full time and moved out and now I’m here”
“I’m sure you’ll get there one day”
Jungkook's face turned slightly as the conversation continued, a small thought entering his mind of the knowledge he held about your future but he quickly caught himself. He noticed you fiddling with your hands on the table, and a strong desire to reach out and take them into his own before urging you to pursue all your dreams while there was still time. But he couldn't. You leant forward, unaware of his battling thoughts and pointed at the book beneath his hand, a warm smile on your face.
“What book did you read?” Jungkook shook his head, hiding the book slightly underneath his hands.
“Oh uhm.. it’s nothing interesting”
“No please” You urged him, and it was his cheeks that burnt a little this time “Tell me”
“It’s Hush, Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick” He told you, fingers skimming over the cover gently “I'm surprised they had it to be honest, it’s one that I’ve been meaning to read”
Another lie. Jungkook has read this book four times already.
“What’s it about?” It warmed his heart slightly that you genuinely seemed interested. You were too good.
"Angels.." Jungkook began, meeting your eyes with a hint of hesitation. "It's about a girl, Nora Grey, who falls in love with an angel named Patch, who fell from heaven and becomes her guardian" he explained.
"Sounds beautiful” Is what you told him, and he smiled sweetly.
“It is”
In a way, you were his Nora Grey. Except he wasn’t there to save you, he was there to be with you when die.
"It's nice to listen to other people's interests" you shared honestly, diverting his attention from his thoughts. This time, Jungkook leaned forward, eager to hear more from you. "These days I spend most of my time talking about my favourite movies, so I enjoy hearing about other things and what others are passionate about" you added.
"If it makes you feel better, I really enjoy hearing about your favourite movies," He replied with a hint of flirtation, his eyes sparkling with interest as you met his gaze.
You did blush at that. Somehow you thought Janet had told him to say all these sweet nothings to you.
“Thank you…” You trailed off slightly, and he furrowed his eyebrows at your distracted eyes as you stared him down “I realised I don’t know your name”
Jungkook couldn't help but feel a bit foolish at that moment. He had been into your shop countless times, engaged in conversations with you, and even knew your name. And your fate. Yet here he was, sitting in the public library with you, discussing interests, and he still hadn't told you his name. If he truly wanted to get to know you better, he realised that it would have been helpful to let you know his name.
“It's Jungkook” He told you, a gentle smile on your face as he did “My names Jungkook”
“Jungkook…” He liked the way it rolled off your tongue “Nice to officially meet you, Jungkook”
“You too, y/n” He replied, then suddenly felt bold as you met his eyes again “Are you nearly done with your resume?”
“Almost but.. I can ask Dylan to run through it with me” You replied truthfully, pushing your laptop away slightly “Why do you ask?”
“Well if I go return this book.. maybe we could grab a coffee?” He questioned, and god you knew you had a lot to tell Janet next time you were in work. You thought about how happy she would be, and how she'd throw I told you so's at you. As you hesitated to respond, Jungkook nervously gulped and leaned back slightly, adding “Only if you’re comfortable though.. I know it's a bit weird you meeting a customer out of work and–"
“I’d love to” You reply was urgent, and he relaxed slightly at your eager tone. You shared a smile before nodding your head “I’d love to grab a coffee with you, Jungkook”
The air was crisp, and you both found yourselves in the quiet corners of the cafe that wasn't far from the library you both occupied not too long ago. Although you had crossed paths a few times before while you worked, you had never truly spoken to each other properly until now. Now you were both sat here together. With you no longer in your work clothes and the realisation that Jungkook was more than just a customer, the atmosphere between you both felt noticeably different.
"You know, if you're into the horror I recommend and you like reading, you should definitely check out some horror novels" You started the conversation once you were sat down in the corner, your drinks had been ordered and now it was down to you both to kill time until they arrive. Jungkook met your gaze after you were both seated "They're just as interesting and sometimes better than the films"
"And do you have any recommendations for books I should read?" He leant forwards and you nodded eagerly.
"Easiest start would be any Stephen King novel" You told him.
"That name I am familiar with" He replied, and you found yourself chuckling at his comment.
"I should hope so... he's extremely popular" He grinned at you before you continued "But there's a whole world of unsettling stories beyond King. If he's not the one for you, you should try some lesser known gems"
"Stephen King fan, are we?" His tone was teasing.
"There's something about his stories that just gets under your skin, you know?" You admitted, looking down at your hands before fiddling with your fingers. Jungkook noticed that you do this a lot. Your drinks arrived shortly after that, and you thanked the waitress in unison.
Jungkook leaned back in his chair, a thoughtful expression on his face. "I get what you mean," he replied, his gaze fixed on you "Tell me more..."
"There's this... specific way that he has the ability to tap into our deepest fears" You replied, and his face showed impression which motivated you to carry on "It's like he knows how to crawl into your mind and make you question everything. I like that sort of stuff, and it's what makes his stories so unforgettable"
"So... it's not just about the scares for you?" He questioned, and you tilted your head "It's about the thrill?"
"Yeah.. yeah that would be a good way to put it" Was he getting even hotter or were you just insane?
You continued to talk animatedly about your favourite horror novels and movies, feeling a sense of gratitude that Jungkook was not only listening but seemed genuinely interested in your likes. You had to admit, it was rare to find someone who shared a passion for this particular genre, and you couldn't help but appreciate the interest he had. This marked a change from the numerous times you had heard that people who watched horror because they wanted to were considered weird.
Yet, as you spoke, a nagging feeling crept in. You couldn't shake the notion that you might be bothering him with your enthusiasm, even though he kept asking you more about your interests. You would pause occasionally, your words trailing off, as if seeking reassurance that you weren't being too overbearing. Jungkook, however, was far from bothered. In fact, he was slightly captivated by your enthusiasm and the sparkle in your eyes when you spoke about your favourite horror stories. He found himself being drawn to your passion slightly.
Despite your babbling, you couldn't help but be intrigued by the mysterious stranger who had just become a part of your life.
"So, Jungkook," You began, your voice soft and inviting, "tell me more about yourself. We've only ever talked about movies and books.. and me"
Jungkook met your gaze, his dark eyes holding secrets that he could never reveal "Well, there's not much to tell" he replied, a trace of emptiness in his voice "I lead a pretty ordinary life. Uni keeps me busy, and so does work... whenever they need me"
Unbeknownst to you, Jungkook's work involved assignments that were far from ordinary. Even if the fallen were allowed to, how would he ever explain that his work involved getting to know someone so he could ensure that they don't die a painful death? And that getting to know you was just a duty for him?
As you chatted with Jungkook, you couldn't help but feel that you'd shared a lot about yourself, but you hadn't learned much about him. The only insights you had were that he had a part time job that wasn't specified, he was in his last year of university, and he had an interest in reading books. While you didn't want to be too nosy, you just wished to know more about his life and experiences.
Plus Janet would kick your ass if she found out you didn't ask more.
"Jungkook," you said with a warm smile, his eyes lighting up as he drank his coffee "You've been a good listener... but please tell me, do you have any hobbies or something that you're interested in? Give us a break from the movies?"
At this he chuckled before nodding his head and placing his mug down on the table. He looked slightly bashful before admitting, "Well, I do have a thing for music"
"Singing? Or playing?"
Jungkook's gaze drifted momentarily, his thoughts turning to his past. "Both? I guess. I like songwriting too... maybe it's just music in general" he began "My interest for music... I've learned a lot about it from someone special to me. Friend named Yoongi"
Your curiosity was piqued, and you leaned in intrigued "Yoongi? Tell me more about him. Is he a musician too?"
Jungkook's smile faded slightly as he thought of Yoongi "Yeah, Yoongi's an amazing musician," he replied, a hint of nostalgia in his voice. "He taught me so much about music, from writing lyrics to composing melodies. We used to spend hours jamming together and creating music... and drinking whiskey"
You smiled brightly, and Jungkook noticed your eyes sparkled with interest, and you asked "Is he still in the music industry? I'd love to hear his work someday"
Jungkook hesitated for a moment, his gaze distant and you noticed this almost immediately "No, actually," he said softly "Yoongi... he moved away a while ago. We lost touch, but I'll always carry around everything he taught me"
"Well," you began, a playful glint in your eye, "maybe one day you could produce something and show it to me"
Your words hung in the air, and you could feel Jungkook's gaze intensify as he locked onto you. It was a playful flirtation, a subtle hint at a deeper connection that you hoped to explore. The tension between you lightened, and Jungkook's lips curled into a small smirk in response to your comment. He narrowed his eyes, as if he were considering your proposition with a newfound curiosity.
Jungkook's smirk deepened, and he leaned in even closer, his voice low and filled with a hint of playful charm "Oh... but you'll have to promise to be my biggest fan" he replied, and you felt bashful for a moment "I'll make sure to save the best melodies just for you"
Oh Janet your world is about to be blown.
As the conversation between you both flowed, there was a subtle shift in the air as the day got older. After a few more drinks were drank, you decided to make a small gesture. When the moment came to settle the bill, you insisted on paying for both your drinks, your determination firm despite Jungkook's protests.
As you thanked the waitress for her service, Jungkook chuckled, a glint in his eyes "You really didn't have to do that, you know" he said, shaking his head.
You smiled, your gaze locked with his after your purse was put away safely "Consider it a down payment for our next coffee date" You replied, your words registering only seconds after you said it.
A date? You thought to yourself, your mind racing Why would you call it a date? He hadn't stated that it was a date. It was just a simple run in that turned into a polite conversation over coffee!
Jungkook's eyes sparkled mischievously as he leaned in a bit closer, his tone playfully teasing "Wait a minute," he said, his voice laced with amusement as you looked over at him in panic "Are you implying that this was a date?" Shit.
"I mean... I just—" You began, your words stumbling over each other as Jungkook continued to raise his eyebrows in a playful manner, clearly enjoying your flustered state. Your panic began to overshadow his playful attitude as you struggled to find the right words "I wasn't—"
Jungkook couldn't help but tease you a bit more "Well, it can be... if you want it to be" Your heart skipped a beat at his words, and you couldn't help but sink slightly in your chair, feeling a mixture of excitement and anticipation "Although, I'd like to take you somewhere much nicer for a proper date"
As the sun dipped below the horizon, you and Jungkook left the coffee shop together side by side. He offered to walk you home, and you had accepted his offer eagerly, determined to spend more time with him now that he had mentioned going on a proper date with you. Your footsteps echoed on the sidewalk, a steady rhythm that mirrored the pounding of your heart. 
Jungkook, on the other hand, grappled with the knowledge that his time with you was limited. 
As he contemplated the idea of a proper date with you, he couldn't help but wrestle with the consequences he might face if he did delve into romance with you. There weren't any specific 'angel' rules that forbade romantic relationships or intimacy with humans. He had heard stories of angels engaging in romantic and sexual activities with their assignments. However, for him personally, it wasn't something he wanted to pursue. He knew that allowing himself to become emotionally entangled with a human could lead to complications he wasn't prepared for.
He already had a big enough heart. He didn't want that to be damaged.
As you both reached your doorstep, your journey for today came to an end. No hug or kiss was exchanged, and no physical contact at all was passed between you both, but the air around you was charged with a different kind of connection. Well, to you it was. As Jungkook disappeared into the night once you were inside, the tension in the air lingered, a reminder of the uncertain path you were taking.
╴╴╴
As days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, Jungkook's visits to your workplace became an everyday occurrence. Sometimes he would even visit at the end of your shift, just so the two of you could grab coffee together and extend your time together. Your friendship was growing stronger with each passing day, and you found yourself looking forward to his visits with eager anticipation.
You had met Jungkook at the end of spring, and as summer arrived, your friendship with him continued to grow. He had also gotten to know Dylan much better and was introduced to her boyfriend, Seokjin. For Jungkook, this was a common occurrence—being introduced to his assignments' friends as he spent more time in their lives.
One summer night in particular was special to you. It was the night when you could finally admit to yourself that you had indeed caught feelings for Jungkook. His frequent visits to your workplace, his constant need for your movie recommendations (which had now expanded beyond horror), your coffee conversations that you both took turns paying for, and his occasional flirty comments had made it almost impossible for you not to develop feelings for him. Your heart raced at the thought of him, and you couldn't deny the growing attraction you had for him.
Jungkook found himself at your home, where you lived with Dylan. It was a stroke of luck that Jungkook had ended up here. He had come into your work one day while you were discussing your plans for the evening with Dylan. Upon noticing his presence, Dylan had immediately extended an invitation to him, reassuring him that Jin would also be there and Jungkook had gladly accepted. 
You were yet to tell Dylan about your feelings, but you gathered that she knew already. 
Seokjin had recommended a movie that night once the food had been finished. The Matrix, an old one but classic one, is how he described it and he almost fainted at Jungkook's confession that he had never seen it before. As the movie played on, your feelings began to intensify at the smallest of interactions. You were seated on one of the two seater sofas with Jungkook, your eyes trained on the movie while Dylan and Seokjin occupied the other. The couple cuddled together, not too close due to the humid air but still maintaining a light touch. Jungkook was sitting a short distance away from you, but you could still feel his body heat next to you. It was comforting to have his broad figure beside your own. And god was he broad...
You had felt him fidget at first, wondering if he was about to get up and excuse himself to the bathroom or maybe to get a drink, but when his arm slowly but surely extended to the back of the sofa so it rested behind your head, your whole body overheated. You couldn't help but feel like a schoolgirl who had just been noticed by her crush because of the way that your body reacted, and you silently pleaded with yourself not to give in to the urge to smile at his gesture, trying to maintain your composure.
Your bodies had both drifted towards each other more after that, and by the time the movie was over you were snuggled into his side and his arm was lazily draped around your shoulder instead of the sofa. If he was affected by the humid air and the closeness you shared he didn't say, nor did he push you away. It was the most physical contact that you had shared with Jungkook since you had gotten to know him, and it felt surreal. You felt so pathetic but so good at the same time.
It wasn't brought up again after, but it still lingered in your mind.
Jungkook was well aware of the attraction you felt toward him, but he couldn't allow it to blossom into something more on his end. His duty was clear, and as was his preferences. He felt like he was leading you on with every conversation, every smile, every flirtatious comment. Yet, he couldn't deny the desire to bring happiness and excitement into your life, even if it was for your last days. Whenever that would be.
The internal struggle weighed heavily on Jungkook. He knew that he had to keep a certain distance, to not let his own emotions get in the way of his responsibility. He also couldn't help but feel like he was robbing you of something beautiful, something that had the potential to grow into a deeper, meaningful relationship. While he was aware of your feelings, he didn't harbor any, other than the empathy that he usually shared for his assignments. 
But then summer passed, and he was still to ask you out on that date.
You had woken up bright and early one Thursday morning in autumn, eager to start work. No reason as to why... 
You were in the kitchen, preparing your morning coffee, when Dylan came strolling in, with Seokjin hot on her heels. They were both dressed in matching halloween pyjama's, and the sight of them made you giggle. You knew that Jin must have gone through some effort to convince Dylan to wear matching pyjama's with him. She wasn't one to openly show affection often, but it was very easy for Jin to squeeze it out of her every now and then.
Dylan's expression was a mix of playful annoyance and amusement as she shot Seokjin a mock glare. He grinned back at her, looking unapologetic for his attempt at getting her into matching pajamas before he made his way into the living room and Dylan stood beside you.
"Tonight still on, I assume?" Dylan questioned, her tired eyes on you as you started preparing more coffee for both of them. You nodded in response, a bright grin spreading across your face as you recalled your plans for the evening. 
"Yes, we are" You told her.
"Is Jungkook still coming?" It was an innocent question, but if only Dylan knew the power his name had over you.
"I think so" You hoped he was "He's meeting me tonight after work.. we can pick up the food on our way back"
"Sounds good..." Dylan replied, her thoughts drifting elsewhere. She had a knack for reading people, especially you, and it was becoming increasingly apparent to her how deeply Jungkook's presence was affecting you. She could tell very easily that he was becoming someone important to you, she could tell he had easily swooned you.. but Dylan remained uncertain about his intentions and feelings.
Dylan couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to Jungkook's story than met the eye. She had observed your growing connection and couldn't deny that he seemed genuinely interested in you, but there were moments when she detected a layer of guardedness in his demeanor. It was as though he was holding back something, a secret that he couldn't share. As your close friend, she wanted to ensure your happiness and she couldn't help but be a bit protective.
With those thoughts in mind, Dylan sipped her coffee and decided to let you enjoy the anticipation of your evening plans.
Work was terribly busy. You shouldn't have been shocked, after all customers usually flocked in at the beginning of October in search of horror movies. It was a common occurrence for people to watch a horror movie a day on the build up to halloween, and as busy as it was you couldn't help but love every second of it. The halloween decorations that were scattered around made you feel overwhelmed with joy, and anyone who paid attention could tell that this was your favourite time of year.
The store was filled with eager customers, their eyes scanning the shelves for the perfect horror flick to kickstart their halloween countdown. You found joy in assisting them, recommending classics and hidden gems, all while sharing your enthusiasm for the genre. Your coworkers hustled alongside you, each of you contributing to the spirited atmosphere. 
But as the day wore on, you couldn't help but steal glances at the clock, counting down the hours.
It wasn't too special of a night, but one that took you back to that summer night where you ended up being cosied up with Jungkook. Plus you were all indulging in a horror film, one that you've seen many times, but you'd always treat it as your first time seeing it. You knew that the familiarity of the film only added to the cozy atmosphere, as you, Dylan, and Seokjin would settle in for a night of scares and laughter. Jungkook's presence would only add an extra layer of warmth to the gathering.
The day ended quickly (or so you convinced yourself), and with a half hour remaining in your shift, you decided to make the most of it. You picked up a box of DVDs and began organising, placing them carefully on their designated shelves. As you worked, the occasional sound of a car passing by and the distant hum of the city filled the air, creating a serene backdrop for your thoughts.
Unbeknownst to you, Jungkook had arrived earlier that night. Jungkook had been quietly keeping an eye on you from a distance as he often did on Thursday nights. It had become somewhat of a routine for him to ensure your safety, even though you were unaware of his nightly visits. 
This particular Thursday night was different. As the darkness enveloped the streets, Jungkook noticed three unfamiliar men lingering outside the shop.
A sense of unease washed over him, not recognising these three men and concerned as to why they were outside the store so close to the closing time and it looked much more sinister when the halloween decorations of your shop were added in. It was unusual, and he couldn't help but feel concerned about their presence, especially when he held the knowledge that you were inside on your own.
Standing across the street, Jungkook continued to watch them linger outside the store. He watched as the men exchanged hushed words and cast furtive glances toward the entrance. They seemed out of place, loitering on the dimly lit sidewalk. Trying not to jump to conclusions, he watched them closely, praying that they would move along. However, his worry escalated when they finally decided to enter the shop.
Jungkook waited for ten agonising minutes, but there was no sign of the three men leaving.
He kept stealing glances from around him, to see if anyone was around, to see if anyone else would enter the store, but no one did. Jungkook couldn't shake off the growing sense of dread that was tightening its grip on his chest. Ten minutes felt like an eternity, and the absence of any movement from the shop only fuelled his concern. He knew he couldn't just stand there and do nothing.
His heart raced as he realised that you were inside.
Finally, unable to wait any longer and with a surge of determination, he rushed toward the store. It seemed like his feet couldn't carry him any faster, and he began to feel like he should have made this move the minute the men entered the store... but what if nothing was wrong? What if their intentions were harmless? What if he was overthinking?
As he pushed the door open, the eerie jingle of the bell filled the air, and he stepped inside, immediately spotting you near the movie shelves, clutching a DVD tightly in your hand as there was a half empty box beside your feet.
His heart sank at the sight of you looking so tense, with one of the men standing too close for comfort while the other two lurked menacingly in the back of the store, their intentions unclear. His instincts kicked in, and he knew he had to remain calm, for both your sakes. Without hesitation, Jungkook stepped forward, his presence commanding attention after the door was closed behind him. The men turned to face him, surprise flashing in their eyes as they hadn't expected anyone else to be in the store. Jungkook's gaze locked onto you for a moment, silently reassuring you that he was there.
"Gentleman..." He began, all eyes now on him "Is there a problem here?" Jungkook asked, his voice steady but laced with a warning that brooked no nonsense.
"There's no problem here," The man in front of you spoke first, his tone condescending "We're just browsing" As Jungkook gained the mans attention, you seized the opportunity to step back, placing some distance between yourself and the intruders.
Jungkook didn't buy their act for a second. "Browsing at this hour, with such a limited selection? Seems a bit odd, doesn't it?"
He maintained eye contact with the man, refusing to let them think they could intimidate him. Their attempts to intimidate were growing increasingly desperate, but Jungkook stood firm, his confidence unshaken.
"Why don't you just mind your business?" Jungkook now had the mans full attention, his tone of voice was now mocking and a sly grin crept onto his face, one that Jungkook would have loved to deal with. Jungkook's eyes met your figure, but now your interest was in the floor beneath you, and your fingers were white from gripping the DVD in your hand. You seemed too overwhelmed to meet his gaze. 
"I'll mind my business when your business doesn't involve making her uncomfortable" The man's sly grin wavered, replaced by a hint of uncertainty as Jungkook's words hung in the air. The two men lingering in the back of the store exchanged uneasy glances. They had expected an easy target, not this new addition who refused to back down.
The tension in the small shop continued to mount. Jungkook was determined not to back down, and despite the mens attempts at intimidation, he stood his ground, knowing that your safety depended on it.
The men suddenly found amusement in the situation, their disrespectful laughter grating on Jungkook's nerves. Their cruel glances toward you only fuelled his anger, but he maintained his composure. You hoped with all your might that the situation wouldn't escalate any further and that Jungkook wouldn't get hurt. You knew that he was most likely capable of handling himself, but the presence of these three menacing figures was undeniably unnerving. The mans laughter didn't last long as he grew frustrated by Jungkook's unyielding demeanour.
"You don't know who you're dealing with, kid" he hissed menacingly. Jungkook felt like laughing back in his face. That old chestnut.
"I don't care who you are" He replied back swiftly, taking a step further into the shop "It's quite clear that you're not just hanging around or browsing, and that's a problem for me"
"Look why don't you just fuck off and go bother someone else" He scoffed.
"I could say the same for you"
It was clear that Jungkook was bothering these men. The leader of the three men exchanged a glance with his companions, his earlier arrogance replaced by a growing unease. The atmosphere in the shop shifted, and it became evident that they had underestimated the situation.
As Jungkook continued to hold his ground, you lifted your head up and watched Jungkook with a mixture of relief and admiration. His determination was shining brightly, and you couldn't help but feel grateful for his presence in this unsettling moment.
The men had been bothering you. You had tried not to worry too much when you had heard the bell ring, allowing you to understand that someone had entered the shop and you had looked up and met their eyes. Everything about their aura signalled danger, and in all your time in closing the store you had never experienced this. You had never experienced this sort of situation before, it was usually something you read of in stories or watched in the movies and the reality of it had sent a chill down your spine.
The DVD in your hand was a comfort when one of then men had continuously questioned you on why you were alone. Along with condescending questions about different horror movies, and how he mocked the girls in the movies who were alone at night before they are murdered. You weren't sure what their intentions were, but when Jungkook stormed in the store you knew you could finally breathe.
As the tension in the room reached its peak, the men finally made a move.
Seeing that their tactics weren't working as planned, the leader took a step back, reevaluating the situation. "Fine," he grumbled, his frustration evident as he sneered at Jungkook "Looks like you're spoiling our fun, mate. We'll be back another night when there won't be any interruptions"
The man was now in front of Jungkook, and it was clear who was the bigger man. You knew that Jungkook was broad, but in comparison to the man that had been bothering you, it really put how broad he actually was into perspective. Jungkook wasn't intimidated at all when the man seemed to get up in his face, sending him a scoff.
In the silent standoff, both parties sized each other up, and the tension in the shop grew thicker with each passing second. It felt like an eternity to you and Jungkook, but finally, the men decided to leave.
After they exited the shop, the tension in the air began to dissipate, and you were the first to take action, much to Jungkook's surprise. The DVD was chucked back in the box almost immediately, and you locked the door instantly, turning over the Open sign to Closed before the blinds were closed. Jungkook watched you as your shoulder deflated, as if he could see all the tension float in the air and leave your body. He grateful in that moment, thinking about the fact that you had both emerged from the situation unharmed.
The quiet tension in the shop lingered for a moment, and you remained near the door, your back turned to Jungkook. He watched you carefully, sensing your unease as you began to fidget with your hands. It was a familiar action of yours, one that he had come to recognise over the time he had known you.
"Y/N?" Jungkook spoke softly, his demeanour shifting from the assertive one he had displayed earlier. At the sound of his voice, you turned around to meet his gaze, your hands still fiddling nervously. His concern was evident as he asked "Are you okay?"
You let out a shaky breath, feeling the weight of the recent encounter finally sink in now that the immediate danger had passed. Meeting Jungkook's caring eyes, you nodded slowly "Yeah, I... I think I'm okay now. Thanks to you"
"I'm glad you're alright" He spoke, stepping even closer to you "You handled it well"
Your response was self-deprecating, and you couldn't help but glance down at the floor, still fidgeting with your hands "I didn't handle shit..." you muttered.
Jungkook couldn't help but smile softly at your candid response. He knew that you were likely shaken by the encounter, and he wanted to offer some comfort. Without hesitation, he took the initiative and gently held your trembling hands in his own and you breathed a sigh of relief.
"Hey..." Jungkook's voice remained soft and reassuring as he held your hands, his warmth enveloping you and easing your tension. He met your gaze, his eyes filled with understanding and care as yours filled a mixture of gratitude and vulnerability "You're okay"
Your response was equally soft, your voice barely above a whisper "I'm okay," He nodded gently, his proximity comforting you "Thank you, Jungkook" Jungkook smiled warmly at you, his eyes filled with a sense of connection and reassurance.
Jungkook's warm and reassuring presence had a profound effect on you, and you couldn't help but appreciate the depth of your connection in that moment. With a shared understanding and a sense of vulnerability acknowledged between you, you both stood there for a moment longer, taking solace in each other's company. 
Finally, Jungkook gently released your hands and took a step back, his smile still in place "Let's get out of here and take you home, okay?"
You nodded, feeling a renewed sense of calm and looking forward to a night of relaxation and distraction with your friends. You weren't sure if you were going to tell Dylan about what happened tonight, in fear of worrying her, but you know that you would ask your boss for another coworker to close Thursdays off with you.
Together, you left the shop, leaving behind the unsettling events of the evening, and headed toward a more peaceful ahead. That night, Jungkook didn't place his arm on your shoulder, but instead held your hand in his own. The change in Jungkook's gesture didn't go unnoticed by you. As you settled into his side, you felt a sense of closeness and intimacy that was different from before. His hand gently holding yours beneath the shared blanket that provided the perfect cover, ensuring that Dylan wouldn't notice the way his fingers threaded through your own. With the movie playing in the background, you found comfort in this unspoken closeness.
The memory of that favourite summer night when his arm was around your shoulder, had its own special place in your heart, but this new gesture felt equally meaningful, if not more so. The tension from earlier in the night slowly melted away, replaced by a sense of security as you enjoyed the movie together, hand in hand.
╴╴╴
Jungkook was in trouble. 
He had always approached his assignments with detachment, or as much as he could. He understood the rules and the nature of his role, he was there to watch over and spend time with his assignments, but he personally didn't want to get emotionally involved. 
He couldn't help but notice the stark contrast between you and his previous assignment. Yoongi had been a music producer, older and wiser, and his interactions with him had been filled with discussions about music and life. It had been a friendship built on shared interests and mutual respect. 
And it hurt him when Yoongi died. It still does.
He had watched as Yoongi's health deteriorated, and despite his best efforts to provide comfort and support, there was nothing he could do to prevent the inevitable. Yoongi had been more than an assignment; he had been a friend, and a source of wisdom in Jungkook's life. The loss of Yoongi had left a void that Jungkook couldn't fill, no matter how much he tried to distract himself with his duties. It was a reminder of the fragility of human life and the burden he carried as one of the fallen.
You... you were different to Yoongi.
Your vibrant personality, your passion for movies and novels, and the way you approached life had started to break down Jungkook's emotional barriers. Jungkook couldn't deny that he was drawn to you in a way that was entirely new and unfamiliar. You had become more than just an assignment; you had become someone he genuinely cared about, a person he genuinely enjoyed spending time with.
As he spent more time with you, he couldn't deny the changes happening within him. At first, it was a subtle shift in his emotions. He found himself looking forward to his conversations with you and just spending time together. He enjoyed making you laugh, he enjoyed the way you flustered at his comments or the looks he gave you, or the proximity you shared on frequent movie nights. 
But it wasn't just the enjoyment of your company; it was the way his heart skipped a beat whenever you were around or met his eyes. The warmth that spread through him when your fingers accidentally brushed, and how he almost blushed whenever he felt bold and held your fidgeting hands in his own. It was the way he worried about your safety and well-being more than he ever had for any other assignment. It was the way you made him feel.  With you, he felt more human than he had in a long time, and it both scared and thrilled him.
Jungkook realised he was catching feelings for you, and quickly. Despite his best efforts to remain detached, his heart had other plans.
The pain of losing Yoongi was something that Jungkook carried with him every day. Even now, as he was caught in the whirlwind of emotions that came with his growing feelings for you. Each day brought a growing realisation that he was in trouble, but he couldn't bring himself to distance himself from you. Instead, he found himself wanting to be closer, to share more moments, and to experience life with you in ways he had never allowed himself before. He had already fallen for you, and there was no turning back.
He pondered his feelings everyday, even now when he was beside you as you both watched The Conjuring days before Halloween, his mind was elsewhere. This movie took him back to his first meeting with you, and how you told him it was popular but he never got round to watching it. Unluckily for his feelings, it was just the both of you occupying the house tonight. 
Dylan had been more than happy to oblige your request to spend the evening with Jin, which left you with a sense of gratitude. You had practically kicked her out the door with the plans you had in mind. Still, despite your eagerness for some alone time, nerves fluttered in your stomach. You were nervous, so very nervous. You almost felt sick. Nerves mixed with excitement running through your body and you could only hope that the night goes the way you wanted it to.
Jungkook had arrived about an hour ago, and you were now halfway through the movie. You couldn't help but notice how distant he seemed, and you had wanted to ask him if anything was wrong, but he sent you a reassuring smile every now and then to make you think that he was okay. You had to calm yourself down before you did anything. You almost, almost, pulled out. Almost told yourself to stop before it went any further… but then you thought fuck it, why shouldn’t I try? If you were faced with rejection, you’d take it with pride and act like tonight never ever happened.
And you could only hope that he would do the same.
If it did go the way you hoped — then you would have a lot to talk about with him. A lot to clear, a lot to admit and come to terms with. You were prepared for that, at least you thought you were, you were ready to listen and be honest about how you felt. Again, it was just down to you to hope that Jungkook would do the same.
You had excused yourself to the bathroom, peeling yourself from the couch and the warmth he radiated by your side and the movie you had started watching. You felt bad for taking his attention from the film that he looked quite interested in whenever he didn't seem distant, but then again, he hopefully wouldn’t notice how long you would take to prepare yourself.
God. God what were you thinking? No, no you had to be brave. You wanted this, you did! The more you thought about it the more the excitement pushed out the nerves. You thought that you were okay, until you looked at yourself in the mirror and felt your heart drop.
You had never worn Lingerie for anyone, apart for yourself. You liked looking good, who didn’t? Sometimes you would throw it on when you felt bad about yourself, you had spent a day shopping with Dylan and decided it wouldn’t be too bad to head to the Lingerie shop to get something for yourselves. So when you had told Dylan your plan, she had quite literally squealed before hyping you up.
But now you were feeling nervous again. You looked good, at least you thought you did. Red was a bold colour, especially in Lingerie and was very noticeable and showed off quite a bit of skin, more skin than you have ever showed to the particular person that you were about to show it to. Red underwear matching with a red lace bra — and red lace stockings. God, you had never felt so bold. You hadn’t styled your hair, left it as it was. You hadn’t done your makeup either, thinking and hoping there was no point as it would be ruined very shorty.
Please go the way I want it to.
You took a deep breath in before reaching for the silk robe that you had borrowed from Dylan. Sorry if it gets ruined. You almost snorted at the thought, but then got even more nervous after it was tied around you — not fully, but just enough to cover yourself and give him a teaser of what you were wearing. Fuck it, you thought. Be bold. If it didn’t work, then it didn’t work, you could move on!
Live a little.
It took one more deep breath before you opened the bedroom door and stepped into the hallway. You looked down the hallway, seeing the man himself engrossed on the tv screen as the light framed around his face. The room was dimly lit, just as you had planned. You wanted him to see you in the outfit but you were too fucking nervous for him to see you fully. You were being so fucking bold right now but you didn't want to push yourself too far.
You walked down the hallway, keeping your eyes trained on him and felt the anticipation build up every time you took a step closer. Breathe, be confident. You nearly backed out, nearly ran back into the room you just exited to slap yourself silly, but found yourself freezing in your steps when he turned his head and his eyes instantly lay on you.
His face slowly fell, and you almost bolted out of there in embarrassment until you watched him move forwards to the remote before turning the volume down almost all the way, his eyes not leaving yours once.
The room had fallen into a comfortable quiet, the TV no longer blaring loudly. You took a few more steps closer, circling around the sofa until you were standing right in front of the spot where you had been sitting before. Your heart pounded in your chest as you found yourself in closer proximity to Jungkook than you were before. You left it up to him to make the next move if he wanted to.
He definitely wanted to.
“What’s this?” he questioned, looking up at your face as he moved to sit on the edge of his seat.
You couldn't help but notice that Jungkook's gaze had shifted from your face to your outfit, and a surge of anticipation coursed through you. Did he like what he was seeing? Part of you wanted to dismiss the idea that he desired you, thinking you might be delusional. But as his voice deepened and his pupils dilated, it was becoming increasingly clear that he felt something in that moment.
"Whatever you want it to be," you replied, trying to maintain your composure even as your heart raced when he flashed you a teasing smirk. Smooth? Well you hoped that you were being smooth with that response.
He fucking smirked. You were trying not to be affected just yet, but just the sight of it made your core clench.
Fuck, you were going to explode.
You thought that you were definitely going to explode when his tattooed hand reached out to hold the edge of the robe you wore. He felt the fabric between his fingertips, and at one point you felt his knuckles brush over your skin that was covered by the stockings.
Soft. Jungkook noted. Maybe it was as soft as your skin.
God it was taking everything in you right now not to pounce on him. Especially, especially, when his large hand moved before you registered it to wrap around your thigh. Oh my fucking god.
He pulled you forwards, his grip wasn’t harsh but it wasn’t light either, as if he was telling you with his touch not to go anywhere. Your skin was on fire. You wanted to mourn the loss of his hand on your thigh when he let go, but was quickly distracted when he held your wrists and placed your smaller hands on his broader shoulders. Were his shoulders always this big? Yes.
You wanted to shake yourself out of it, you were supposed to be the confident one in the situation! But every time he moved his hands you felt distracted and felt so putty. Which is why you shuddered when he moved to undo and open the robe, causing it to fall down your shoulders and rest at your elbows.
Now it was his head moving forwards, his hands planted firmly on your waist as his lips began exploring. Oh god. They ghosted over your stomach, pressing firmly then lightly, you wanted to say that he didn’t leave a single place unkissed. He didn’t go too high, or too low, just enough to keep you on your toes.
He seemed to like it when you brushed the nape of his neck with your fingernails. He seemed to like it a lot. What gave it away? The low groan he let out, and the way he nibbled your hip. You had never felt anything better. Your lips literally shuddered.
The tension was like a live wire, crackling with anticipation, and yet, you were both unsure of whether to take the next step and risk changing everything between you. It was a tension born of unspoken feelings, a tension that threatened to consume you both if it was left unaddressed.
If this was going to go his way, you wanted to have at least some fun before it happened. Which is why you quickly snapped out of it, pressing your hands on his shoulders firmly this time and shoving him backwards — his back hitting the couch as he looked up at you. Those fucking eyes. You didn’t wait for him to say anything, to do anything, because you let the robe down completely before letting it lay on the floor before you straddled him.
You actually straddled him. You couldn’t wipe the grin off your face as you heard him breathe in sharply, and you would never ever forget the way his hands gripped your waist when you placed your lips on his neck. It was your turn to taste him, just give him the same treatment he did your stomach.
And when you nibbled his earlobe the way he nibbled your hip, Jungkook nearly busted there and then.
“Fuck, Y/N….” Now that you liked. You could get used to the way he moaned your name. You could get used to the way he ran his hands up your back as you fisted his shirt in your hands. You could get used to the way his skin tasted — but you could definitely get used to the way he threw his head back and groaned when you accidentally rolled your hips.
Well.. maybe not accidentally.
You knew what to do. It wasn’t the first time you had been in this position. Why were mens groans attractive to you, you would never know, maybe it was the way that you knew it was because of you.. but hearing it from Jungkook was different. You wanted him to do it again, you wanted to hear him make that noise because of you, so you rolled your hips again and moved one of your hands up to the nape of his neck again where you had scratched before.
He actually… bucked his hips into your own. Fuck. It caught you by surprise, and you gasped at the feeling of his rather hard cock being restrained by his jeans brushing against your clit that was still covered by the lacy underwear. You were shocked at how much you actually felt it considering there were still layers separating you both, but fuck did it feel good.
“Do that again…” Did you say that? Or was it him? No. No, it was definitely you. Definitely you, especially at the way he chuckled in your ear and gripped your waist once more creating goosebumps.
“What? This?” He did it again, more firmly this time—and fuck you nearly came there and then. No! No. You were not going to dry hump him in the living room until you both came.
His face was flushed when you pulled back from his neck to look at him. Hah! You felt so smug. Usually it was him making you feel this flustered, and it felt good to have an effect on him for once. You didn’t even try to bother the way that you bit your lip as you looked at his own. You weren’t the only one who seemed smug though, from the way he smirked at you again and nudged your nose with his own.
You and Jungkook had never kissed before, despite your urge to always press your own against his.
Jungkook thought that you had teased him enough, walking into the living room dressed like that and he thought you were teasing him even more when you refused to connect your lips with your own. He would have done it first, but he could tell that you wanted to be in control right now, so he waited for you to initiate the first kiss.
You hadn’t noticed that his palms were now spread over your backside, fingertips gripping and spreading your cheeks as your intense stare continued. You could swear he pushed you down onto his groin more than once, his grip on you getting more desperate and you almost felt cruel for rolling your hips in motion with his hands.
Almost.
Because you didn’t feel cruel when he gasped and moved one of his hands up to your hair, wrapping his other around your waist and pressing your body into him even more.
“Fuck… Fuck y/n, do that again. Please. Fuck—Please do that again” Did he just… whimper? Yes. Yes he definitely did. He was speaking quickly but thankfully got his message across and you definitely caught that whimper he released at the end. The grip that he had in your hair meant that your forehead was squished against his own, and you moved your hands to hold his face “It feels so fucking good don’t you dare stop”
Who were you to deny? Especially when he was speaking to you like that. The deep voice combined with the gasps and groans he was letting out? That whimper almost got you. Yeah. Yeah, you could definitely get used to this.
You did it again. Then again. Then once more. Each time you did it, you did it more firmly, picking up the pace. His grip was getting tighter, and the way that his arm was wrapped around your waist made it easier for him to buck his hips into yours each time you moved. God. God, fuck. How was he supposed to control his breathing when it felt so fucking good?
It was getting more heated, more desperate. The friction against his cock and against your clit felt so fucking good for both of you. Jungkook was losing his mind, he was so fucking hard and the way that you were rubbing against him so firmly, so perfectly, he nearly came on the spot. More, more, he wanted more.
“Fuck, you feel so fucking good baby” He was practically breathless. If you weren’t soaked at this point, you definitely were now.
You was so close, and you could tell he was too. From the way his hips bucked into your own harder and harder, and the way his arm was pulling you into him to the point where there was nothing between you both. God he felt—you were definitely going to cum from this. You didn’t want to though. You wanted tonight to last. You wanted to come around his cock, not on top of his jeans. But the feeling of him rubbing against you like this was just heavenly, and you found yourself gasping when he did one particular thrust that was hard.
“Fuck…Oh fuck, baby—“ Keep fucking going.
You paused suddenly when he did, and you were about to ask him what was wrong, but he threw his head back and let out a even longer groan. His hips stuttered, and his grip was even tighter now, almost painful and you would have complained if you didn’t realise what had just happened.
“Did you just cum?”
He did cum. In his jeans. In your living room while you dry humped each other like some hormonal teenagers.
Well done, Jungkook. He blew his load before he got to touch you properly. Before he even kissed you.
The thought made him embarrassed. Your question made him embarrassed. Sitting there with his head resting on the back of the couch, coming back down from his (great) orgasm while he still gripped you made him embarrassed. Well, there goes your chance. You had dressed up for him. Made him feel good. You had one job to make it amazing for her and you came before she did. In your fucking jeans.
Why had he asked you to keep going? He should have known. It felt good. So fucking good. Amazing actually. He should have known that asking you to keep going would have made him cum that quickly. Oh, and the way you moaned his name…
He didn’t want to let you go. If he did you’d disappear. Laugh at him for orgasming so early before you even did anything close to sex. Shit. 
He remembered now, the reason he was here. The reason why he got to know you. He shouldn’t have let it get this far. Sat in your home, as he had done for a few months now. Yes he was meant to get to know you, was meant to make sure your death was painless whenever it would happen…. but he was never meant to like you like this.
For his sake. For his hearts sake.
Because although your friends may forget him after you died, he would still remember everything. He’d remember you. He’d remember everything you shared.
And now he just signed himself up for heartbreak.
Your lips on his neck distracted him for a moment. So you weren’t mad? Okay. That was good. You weren’t laughing at him either. You probably wondered why he was just sitting there, not saying a single thing. You probably knew he was embarrassed, you wanted to show him that you didn’t care. He did. So fucking embarrassed. You’re too good. He just wanted to just hold you, just for a bit longer. Maybe calm down before going further. All the way. Make you feel good like you had just made him feel good.
He wanted to lie you down. Rip the lacy clothing off of you. He’d buy you more. Especially if it meant that you would do this more often. He wanted to taste you, everywhere. Make you moan his name even more. Make you sound more like than angel than he ever was. He wanted his fingers all over you. He wanted his cock inside you. Your cunt, your mouth, wherever you wanted to take him. He wanted to make you orgasm. Multiple times. He was sure he could do it. He’d praise you for doing so well, telling you how good you were and how good you felt for him.
He wanted to walk around the small town the next day, a fat fucking grin on his face and bathe in the pride of finally being with you. Loving you. Finally making you his. He hoped to see you in work, make your day brighter, maybe bring you food and then walk you home when your shift was finished. He wanted to hold you on movie nights without having to use a blanket to cover the contact you shared. He hoped he could take you again. And again and again. Making you feel even better than last time. He wanted your friends to see how happy you made him, and how happy he made you.
Before it was too late.
“Y/N?” He questioned. He only received a small hum in return as your lips painted around his neck. So good. He hated himself “Y/N… Y/N we have to—we can’t”
You paused. Fuck. His heart was drumming for a different reason now. He moved his hands so they were on your waist once more. Just a little longer. Just let me hold you for a little longer. The confusion on your face when you looked at him broke his heart. I’m sorry. You smiled gently at him, holding his face just as lightly and he wanted to curse at everything for making him so stupid.
Stupid for liking you.
“What do you mean we can’t?” I’m sorry. It would be so easy. Just so easy for him to lie you down, get carried away and just stay silent about his stupid decision. Treat you like you deserved. He wanted to. He wanted to take you. He wanted to cherish you.
But he couldn’t. He was being held back.
“I—“ He didn’t know what he could say. He stupidly, so stupidly let his actions talk. He hated the way you looked at him as he moved you off of his lap. He hated the way you watched him as he stood up, readjusting his jeans embarrassingly. He especially hated the way you flinched after he picked up the robe off the floor, placing it around your shoulders to cover you up “I meant that we can’t… we can’t do this. Whatever it is we’re doing”
Disgusted. How dare he! What, he came in his jeans and now he was embarrassed? You didn’t care! In fact, it had made you want it even more. You did that. You made him cum. You made him feel good. You gave him relief. He came because of you! Now he was pushing you away. Was he embarrassed? You felt conflicted. You felt horrible about yourself. You felt angry. Used.
Especially when he began walking towards the door.
You stood up, forgetting to stop the robe from falling. He had his back to you, and he looked like he was in a rush to get out of there. Jesus, what had you done that was so bad? Did you overstep the boundaries? Did you make him uncomfortable?
No. No he had asked you to keep going. He told you did he not? He told you, it feels so fucking good don’t you dare stop. Those were his words! Or did you imagine it? Fuck, now you were definitely confused.
“Did I do something wrong? Make you uncomfortable? I’m sorry if I did, I thought you wanted me to” I’m sorry.
No, he should be apologising. He’s the worst. He’s the fucking worst. You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t make me uncomfortable. You made me feel fucking amazing. Incredible.
“I wasn’t—I mean you didn’t…” Spit it out Jungkook! “You didn’t do anything wrong I just—I don’t know I just don’t think we should…. I don’t think this is a good idea”
“This? You mean us… sleeping together?” He turned to face you again and nearly popped another boner seeing you in that fucking Lingerie. Keep it together, Jungkook “I mean that’s okay! I can go and change and we can forget this happened. We can just… be friends again, finish the movie. I won’t try anything that makes you uncomfortable, I promise”
Too good. You were too fucking good. He wasn’t uncomfortable. Far from it. You fucking idiot, Jungkook. No. We can’t forget this happened. Every time Jungkook looked at you, he’d see you in the red Lingerie that you put on for him.
For him.
Whatever you want it to be, you said. More. He wanted more of you. More of your time, your attention and he wanted to see more of you in that outfit. Time wasn’t something that you had.
“I don’t think we should see each other anymore”
Silence. A moment passed. Then another.
“What?” Finally. It was killing him. He wanted you to shout at him. Tell him he wasted your time. He wasted what they had built. He had-he had wasted it. He wasted it, because you couldn't know the real reason why he got to know you in the first place.
Maybe it would be better if you knew. Maybe it would make you understand… then he wouldn’t have to live after you left him. He’d be executed. He wouldn’t have to live without you. But that price would be high also.
You’d die painfully. Not the way you deserved to go, and all of this would be worthless. You’d die regardless. There was no way to get around this.
“We need to stay away from each other. You need to stay away from me” Ouch. Clearly, Jungkook wasn’t the best when put in these situations. Not the best way to word it.
It would still count, right? He got to know you. That was the only condition. He had to get to know you for you to have a painless death. Why was he so empathetic. Why did he have such a big heart. Distancing would help. It would help him.
“Are you embarrassed?” You were angry. So angry. Jungkook was so, so glad that it was dark enough in the room so he didn’t see the pure rage in your eyes “What? You’re embarrassed that you blew your load in your jeans and now you’re going to avoid me? You really think I give a shit? I just said that I can forget it ever happened—it shouldn’t mean that you give up on our friendship”
“It’s not about me blowing my load in my jeans”
“Then what is it about, Jungkook? Because I’m really having a hard time trying to understand what I did so wrong that completely ruined what we—“
“I like you” A moment, then a breathe "I... Fuck. I really fucking like you"
He wished that it was dark enough so he couldn’t see you. He wished he could forget the way he made you flinch again, but with his words this time. He wished he had been given someone else because then he wouldn’t be in this situation where his heart quite literally ached at the way you stood there. The same person he had gotten to know and discover that he actually wanted outside of his stupid angel lifestyle. He had never been in love before. He had never felt it before... was this love?
But if love felt like this he never wanted to feel it again.
“What?” You were in disbelief at his confession. He liked you? You could live with that. You liked him too! His confession would have made you heart flutter if this was a different scenario. If you weren’t feeling so used right now. Why was he so… upset about it?
“I’ve never—” Your eyes were pleading. Be honest. He hated himself, but he knew that he owed you this at least. So he admitted defeat, looking shamelessly down at the floor “I’ve never liked someone before… and I don’t want it to be with you"
“With me…” Your voice broke. So did his heart.
“Y/N..”
“Is it such a bad thing to fall in love?” No. It wasn’t. At least he never thought it was “Is it such a bad thing to fall in love with me?”
Jungkook had never thought about falling in love. Jungkook had never thought about having feelings. Real, human feelings. Maybe he should have expected this to happen eventually. You were too good to die. Jungkook wanted to spend an eternity with you. But that wasn’t the plan for you.
“Feelings are complicated” He was going around this the wrong way. He knew he was. He was scared “And I don’t want to break my heart”
“So it’s okay to break mine instead?”
He hated this. He hated how you almost seemed calm, but your eyes were so glossed he could probably see his reflection if he was close enough. He wanted to you lash out. Please lash out at me, he wanted to beg.
Could he rewind time? Go back to a minute ago when your body was warm against his own, giving him the most pleasure he’s ever felt. He ever will feel.
You didn’t care at this point. You didn’t care that you were just stood in the living in your Lingerie that you had put on not that long ago to seduce the man in front of you. Him. What he was telling you combined with the fact that you had your orgasm stripped away from you when you were so close. He was throwing this away because he was scared?
No. No you weren’t going to have that. You weren’t satisfied with that.
You moved forwards and he looked down at the floor to avoid your eyes. He should walk away, he should leave… but he couldn’t. He didn’t want to. He wanted you.
It was gentle the way you held his face after you reached him, and he felt his body relax almost immediately and he shut his eyes to stop himself from looking at your body. The only body he ever wanted to see.
“Please…” He whispered and your bottom lip trembled slightly “Please don’t make this harder than it already is”
“I like you, Jungkook” You told him and he shook his head “I do. I do, and you like me too so why would you ever throw this away when we both have what we want?”
“It’s not that easy…”
“Like hell it isn’t” You replied, voice firm and he finally opened his eyes to look into your own “It never is, don’t you get that? It isn’t meant to be easy. Liking you was easy before today though…”
You had found it in yourself to let out a small chuckle and he smiled slightly. It wasn’t much, but it still warmed your heart. His hands covered your own as you held his cheeks, your thumb brushing the scar that you adored. The scar that made him, him. The man that you fell in love with. The man you may love forever.
God. You were perfect. Why did it have to be you? Why did it have to be you he met for this reason?
Your lips moved to his nose gently, pecking it before you shared your own smile, and after he met your eyes you finally pressed your lips against his own and he could have melted away there and then. 
Kissing you felt like he was hit by every season all at once, and why it felt so surreal to him he would never know. Your body near his own was enough to send him into overdrive, and he had wanted to kiss you since you walked into the living room. He had wanted to kiss you since he discovered he liked you. 
Surprisingly, it didn’t take long for the two of you to get carried away, and what was once a meaningful and sweet kiss turned into a wet mess as tongues were mixed together and hands were moving mindlessly. You had never felt more alive when his tongue slid inside your mouth, skimming over your bottom lip. It was wet and it was messy but it was fucking hot.
He felt your breasts, your ass and your waist and he very quickly understood that loving you was very easy. You made him feel so good, so alive, so human and loved. He never wanted to let you go, let this go.
You had groaned when his thigh slid between your legs allowing you to grind on the thick muscle. You knew that your clit was thanking you because it was finally feeling the relief it was stripped from earlier. Jungkook knew, he felt it in the way that you squeezed your legs around him and wrapped your arms around his waist as his hand secured itself in your hair as he refused to move his lips from your own.
I like you. He uttered in his mind. I like you, I like you, I love you.
He didn’t say it with his mouth because he knew it would cost him to pull away from your lips. But he pulled away anyway, and that’s just because of the way he was muffling your moans. He wanted to hear you. He wanted to hear it all because he knew what he had to do after this moment had ended.
Whenever Jungkook was with you, it was as if the world outside ceased to exist. It was easy to forget who he was. Easy to forget the real reason why he was here… but it was still in the back of his mind. The real reason for his visits and his friendship never fully escaped his mind. It lingered there, a persistent reminder that he couldn't ignore.
His mouth was now by your ear, and he kept one hand in your hair as the other moved to your ass and guided you on his thigh. He was breathing heavily, and fuck it was so hot for you to hear. How did you get to this so quickly?
“Let go for me…” He whispered, and now it was your turn to whimper for him “Let go, Y/N”
“Fuuuuck–“ And you did.
It was almost painful the way you clenched his thigh between your legs as you came but he wanted to the pain, he wanted it to last. Without his hands you would have been a puddle on the floor because despite your heart breaking, your body felt incredible.
You finally got the release you wanted from the man you needed it from. You had only wished it was under different circumstances.
His eyes met yours before he kissed you again, more desperately and you felt weak in his arms. His body, bigger and broader than your own was practically glued to you and you thought that you could die here right now, in the arms of the man that you loved.
You could make this work. Or so you thought.
He pulled away. No, Jungkook you pleaded in your head let me hold you for longer.
“I’m sorry” He whispered, lips brushing your own as he did “But I can’t”
“Jungkook—“
“I’m sorry” But it was worthless.
“Please don’t make it wasted time, please” You were crying at this point and practically pleaded with him–but he had to do this for him. He should have told you that it wasn’t a waste of time. He wanted to stay just a little longer, just to see you. But he didn’t.
Tired. He was tired.
He looked at your eyes once more. Wanted to hold you longer. Kiss you longer. Take you to bed and apologise for everything. Whether it be with sex or just holding you, he didn’t care. But he couldn’t, and it took everything in him to pull himself away from you especially when you gripped him tighter. He looked away from your eyes and you watched him as he opened the door, not even hesitating to walk out of it as it shut behind him.
Everything inside you broke.
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sokooks · 6 months
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Horizon (Jeon Jungkook)
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Summary: The way you approached life had started to break down Jungkook's emotional barriers. Jungkook couldn't deny that he was drawn to you in a way that was entirely new and unfamiliar. You had become more than just an assignment; you had become someone he genuinely cared about. It was the way you made him feel. With you, he felt more human than he had in a long time.
Despite his best efforts to remain detached, his heart had other plans.
Pairing: Angel!Jungkook x Reader (You)
Genre: F/M, angel/human relationship, angst, smut, fluff, just pure feels, she fell first he fell harder
Word Count: 32k (split into 2 parts) Complete!
Warnings: character death, heavy angst, jungkook is bad at feelings but good in bed, protective jungkook, dirty talk, dry humping, oral sex (fem receiving), seduction, jungkook has a big dick idk, rough sex, soft sex, praise kink, fingering, jungkook knows how to please a woman! there’s also no happy ending here i’m afraid…
A/N: an idea that I kinda just thought of . spur of the moment thing and it gets sickly romantic at some points but who isn't a sucker for that every now and then. cross posted on my ao3! (user: sokooks)
CHAPTERS: ONE TWO
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sokooks · 1 year
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Hi I found your Nirvana series today and had binge read it! Just sad to see it hasn't been updated for a year now. Do you have plans continuing it?
its been a while hasnt it🥹🥹 uni life has been kicking my ASS so i can only apologise for not updating. i do have a draft thats halfway done but i just havent edited it in a while. i am off uni for a little while so ill see about continuing my story! <3 thank you to everyone whose read it this past year! i appreciate it
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sokooks · 2 years
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literally fighting for my life rn
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sokooks · 2 years
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Hi! Will you be making more parts to Nirvana, or is it done? ^^
A new part to Nirvana has been posted! You can find it on my AO3 or Wattpad <3 
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sokooks · 3 years
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Heyyy Is there a 3rd part of Nirvana?? 🥺🥺 it's sooooo good I've reread both parts multiple times but still not enough 😭😭😍😍😍
there is! currently in progress. can’t seem to get it to go the way i want, and the way i feel will satisfy everyone but i’m trying! there’s a lot to be included. hopefully it will be soon!! :) thank you for the support
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sokooks · 3 years
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I need the second part of searching for nirvana!! I just reread it for a second time and I need more!! 😭
READ IT A SECOND TIME?? ah i dont deserve u.. thank u sm !!! also i am halfway finished with the second part! theres a lot to include and *maybe* a part 3 so it needs setting up nicely :’) but thanku for the support <3
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sokooks · 3 years
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due legal reasons I'll have ask you for a second part of 'searching for nirvana' its was soooo good 😩😩😩😩 im DYING here im in a hate/love relationship with this jungkook damn he has so much shit to work with 😩😩😩 and i feel bad for oc :( she deserves all love (sorry if my english sucks)
AAAA !! i love hearing ur reactions ab this jungkook, its good to get a readers perspective. you’re right he does have a lotttt of shit to work with. also i am currently working on the second part ! but i cant make any promises as to whether or not it’ll be easier to read ..shit kicks off
but thank u, for reading & giving support !<3 (also ur english is perfect)
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sokooks · 3 years
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SEARCHING FOR NIRVANA
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Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader (you)
Word Count: 21k
Warnings: rough sex, oral sex (fem receiving), praise kink, mildly dubious consent, cheating, infidelity, possessive behaviour, possessive sex, seduction, dirty talk, angst, choking, overstimulation.
Part 2 & 3 found only on my ao3 (series is discontinued)
At first, you weren't sure whether or not you should engage with his idea. It was stupid. It would have never worked. Plus, he was your friend. You couldn't agree to see him and treat him the way that he was suggesting. It was absurd! Years and years of friendship, you couldn't risk it. You didn't want to risk it, but he was determined. He was desperate, his heart was hurting and he wasn't thinking straight, but he assured you that he was. He knew what he wanted, he knew the plan that he'd thought of would work. It wouldn't hurt to try, right?
You told me you'd do anything for me. Anything to help.
He started using your own words against you, and you had agreed that you told him that. You didn't want to see him upset, especially not when he was such a good person. A good soul. That's partially the reason why you had agreed, and despite you being so hesitant to agree at first, it had carried on for months. Months of pretending, months of stolen kisses and touches and you bathed in it all. He was the only one you had to be intimate with, you had both agreed it was safe to just sleep with each other, using protection of course. 
You thought back to when it all started.
"Just help me win her back, please" He begged. His voice was pleading, and you could remember the night clearly. When he showed up at your apartment, tears streaming and he was on the verge of hyperventilating as he gripped your hands "You're the only one I trust, the only person who understands. I need you to help me" He collapsed onto you, whispering your name over and over again and carried on pleading. It broke you. 
You told him to sleep it off, dragging him into your bed and holding his hand until he fell asleep before you moved to the sofa for the night. He would be thinking more clearly in the morning, he would tell you what had happened because you didn't get much out of him. You knew that now, all that mattered was your best friend. Throughout the many years you had been joined at the hip with him, you owed him this much. You had never seen him so broken, so fragile and weak and it was because of his feelings. His love. He was right, you did understand. 
By morning he was in the same state, this time there wasn't as many tears. His heart was broken, he told you. She was the only one for him, and she had broken his heart. He told you it all, how it happened and how she had broken it off with him. Apparently after three years of dating, she didn't feel the same towards him? Like, she had fallen out of love? Ah, it didn't make sense to you, but you stayed silent. You listened. You took care of him. You let him stay for the day, keeping him company so he wouldn't go home alone and empty. It was then when he mentioned his previous idea.
"It would work though.. don't you think?" He wasn't looking at you, just at the TV in front of you both where you had played his favourite movie, hoping to at least do something to help. You also didn't need him to elaborate on what he was talking about, because you knew. You wished he hadn't said anything, you wished he hadn't of suggested it in the first place, because you didn't want to do it - but the way he was looking, the state he was in and the way he had been speaking, it hurt you. 
"I don't think it's the best idea" You had to be honest, he needed that right now. You didn't want to add fuel to the fire, you didn't want him to do something he would regret in the future. Plus, you were the only one that was thinking rationally right now "You have to prove it. Prove that you want to be with her. Not try to make her jealous"
"I've already tried proving" He told you, his voice stern and jaw clenched "She won't listen. I've tried everything. She won't answer my texts or calls, she won't answer her door, she acts like she doesn't know me when she sees me on campus, she—fuck, she acts like nothing between us was important or I was never a thing to her and it fucking hurts"
He was getting worked up again, you could see that. You had dealt with heartbreak before, you had been through it yourself and you had other friends go through it, so you were familiar with the feelings that it brings. It was your hand on his arm that made him finally look up at you, and his tear stained eyes told you everything you needed to know. He was desperate, so fucking desperate for the pain to end. He had come to you for that, he had come to you for help and you were denying him. But you had to, right?
"You don't—You need to consider what you're asking of me" You had told him, remaining truthful with him. He shook his head, looking away once more before shrugging your grip from him "I understand you're hurting but this is not the way to go around it, Guk. It could seriously, seriously fucking backfire on you and you could lose her forever. I know how much she means to you, and I want to help best I can and—"
"You want to help? You want to help but won't actually do the thing that I am telling you would make me feel better and give me hope again" He looked at you again, your face burning from the way he looked at you "I have considered this. I don't care if you don't want to do it, I'll find someone else or think of another plan but the way you're talking about it it's like...fuck it's like you think I'm some sort of fucking idiot who doesn't know what's best for himself and it's fucking belittling"
"Guk.."
"Just fucking forget it"
He suggested the two of you put on an act. You'd date in front of friends. Maybe in front of family. In front of her. He wanted to win her back, maybe just make her jealous so she could see what she had lost. She sees how good he treats you in a relationship and inevitably ditches her plan of staying away from him and asking for him back. Begging for forgiveness. It was a great idea in his mind, and it didn't sound too bad to you until he mentioned the last part. The part where you would not be able to act in front of others.
You were familiar with sex, of course. You were in your twenties and had relationships and hookups, but when Jeongguk had suggested that the two of you be intimate, you drew a line. He was your friend for fucks sake! The little boy you had grown up with, the one who used to sit with you when you were alone at lunch, the one who had asked your prom date out for you, the one who had stuck by you for so many years and the one you had grown up with. No, you wouldn't do it. You would still be friends, he told you, just friends with benefits. He told you he has needs, as do you. You could help each other out, and it would look majorly bad for the both of you if you were "dating" but ended up being caught sneaking someone else in your house for a late night fuck. 
If you were so against the idea, then why did you agree to it? 
"What if it goes wrong?" You had questioned, by the time you asked this, he had calmed down but was still looking at the TV. A million thoughts were running through your head, every possibility that could go wrong, it could ruin everything "I don't want it to affect anything. If it does, we're fucked. What if one of us catches feelings? What if she doesn't want to take you back despite the fact that you're supposedly with me? What happens if we get too addicted and don't want to stop? Guk, our friendship would be on the line if we did this. Are you really willing to risk it? Because for me it's too high a price" Too high a price. You could lose him. Especially if you caught feelings.
Especially if you caught feelings. Too dangerous. 
"Well that's simple. We'll talk it out like adults, and if it gets too much, then we call it quits. If one of us has a problem, we bring it up and sort it out" He told you "Besides, if anyone is catching feelings between me and you, it'll be you. I know what I want, and I know who I want. It's not going to change anytime soon. Friendship saved" Too dangerous. 
It was her all along, it was her who held the space in his heart. You were happy for him, you really were. You wanted your best friend to be with someone who loved and cherished him as he deserved, and she did exactly that. He wanted the same for you, he would always tell you. It was a good, healthy relationship and it never got in the way of your friendship with him. You were grateful, so fucking grateful, and you could understand why he was in so much pain. The relationship was good, so good for him. Now he wasn't in it, and he was risking everything he had for it back. 
"Okay" Too dangerous "Okay, I'll do it"
"Thank you"
Everything had changed. Everything between you was different. When you saw him around and in friend gatherings, you had to pretend that you were with him. It started with hand holding, then little affectionate touches where you wouldn't usually touch your friends, then little pecks on the cheek when your friends were looking. It wasn't long until they started asking, questioning you both. The story was simple, one that he made up that you just went along with. His story wasn't far from the truth, but different enough to be believable. Instead it had been you who was the first one to make a move. You had wanted to help him, you wanted him to be free from heartache so you offered him a way to forget, and Jeongguk told his friends that he took you and fucked you that night. To end his story, he told them that he had realised how much he had been harbouring his feelings for you all these years, and one night of intimacy had turned his head towards you.
You both told them that you were just seeing how things go. Nothing was serious just yet, just testing the waters. It wasn't until after you heard the story yourself, you realised just how horrible you sounded. 
Someone who took advantage of their friend when he was hurting. Someone who had been waiting for the perfect moment to strike. Someone who had ruined a friendship because you threw yourself at your best friend because he was now single and available. God, how disgusting you sounded. You managed to bring it up with Jeongguk, but he disagreed. He told you that you were helping, not taking advantage of him—but that was just the truthful side of the story. You were helping him, yes, but your friends didn't know the whole truth. 
The first time that he kissed you was around two weeks after you began dating. Nothing had gone further, and you were grateful for that. You were still adjusting, you tried not to get jump scared when he laid a kiss on your cheek or reached for your hand. You tried to resist the urge to push him away when he gripped your thigh sitting beside you, not because you didn't like it or you were uncomfortable, but because it felt foreign. Weird. Unusual. The most affection that you and Jeongguk gave each other was a hug in greeting or in comfort, but this was a whole new level of unfamiliarity. 
So when you saw her, you knew that you would have to do better. 
You had spotted her first, you hadn't been paying attention to the conversation or your friends in the first place as you were pondering about the essay you had due in next week. Dating Jeongguk had seemed to take all your focus from your studies, and you refused to let that happened. You were in college! You couldn't afford to fuck anything up. The bell above the cafe distracted you, and you glanced at the door and could only stare at the way she walked in with her friend. It was her, without a doubt, and she looked... okay?
You didn't want to assume, but considering the state your best friend was in beforehand, you hoped that she at least felt some remorse for what she had done. He was hurting, despite the fact that he looked okay. You assumed it was the same for her. He was smiling with his friends, and she was smiling with hers. You tensed when she made eye contact with you as her friend was ordering. He felt it, he felt the rigidness and was going to question you, until her presence distracted him also.
He knew she could see the way he was holding you. After all, you were with friends so you had to be acting right now. His arm was wrapped around your shoulders and your side glued to his, you were so close to each other in the way that friends shouldn't be and he felt drawn to the way that she was glaring at you both. Was this the first time that she was hearing about the two of you? It had to be. You hadn't posted anything on your social media about each other, you had only told your friends that you were together, so it was obvious she wouldn't know. She couldn't take her eyes off you. Jeongguk felt smug. Yeah, this would have been me and you, but you broke my fucking heart. 
Although your denial for the plan began when you didn't want to throw fuel into the fire, he however wanted to do that. Which is why he slid his free hand over your cheek, turning your head and focussing your attention on him—and he leaned in to press his lips against your own. Firmly. As if making a statement. This was your first kiss with him, in front of your friends and in front of her. In Jeongguk's case, it was the perfect setup. It would now be believable to both parties. You heard your friends scoff at the public display of affection, him moving his lips against your own and you paid no mind to them when you felt his tongue skim your bottom lip before pushing inside your mouth and exploring. It was so fucking good. 
It was when you heard your moan swallowed by his mouth that you gained your senses back, opening your eyes and pulling away from him. Too much, it was too much. Especially in public. You were getting worked up over a kiss. Fuck you even moaned! You thanked whoever was up there that Jeongguk had muffled it with his own lips, and you mentally thanked your friends for carrying on the conversation that they were having. How could she even consider getting rid of such a good kisser? He knew what he was doing, that's for sure. If he wasn't your best friend, you wouldn't have hesitated in taking him home. 
He wasn't looking at you when you pulled away, instead they were set on the person behind you who was in shock at what she had just witnessed. You knew who he was looking at, and you realised that now he had gotten her exactly where he wanted her. This was officially the start of his plan, his plan to win her back. In your mind, not the best of plans, but you had agreed to it. You wanted to help. That's what you were doing, helping.
Right?
— —
The second, third and fourth time he kissed you weren't rememberable. Just a peck in greeting or goodbye, nothing that was too major. The fifth however, definitely was.
It was raining when you arrived home from grocery shopping, you weren't too drenched considering you took your car, but your clothes were wet enough for you to be shivering. Quickly as you could, you put all the food away and stripped out your clothes, placing them in the washing basket and sprinted for the shower. You felt better afterwards, more relaxed and settled down in your living room after the day was done while the rain continued. 
It was late when your phone vibrated on the table, and as you grabbed it, you let the TV drown out in the background.
Guk (11:38 PM): are u home?
Guk (11:38 PM): i came over earlier but you weren't there
Oh. Usually he'd let you know if he was coming over. You wondered if something was wrong, that's why he came over. Had something happened? Why was he texting you so late? Or was he worried about you because you hadn't spoke all day? You had just been so busy, being drowned in college work and then going shopping you hadn't had chance to rest properly until now. You had also just realised that you hadn't seen him around campus all day, being too occupied with your studies. 
You (11:40 PM): i am now. sorry, had to go shopping
You (11:41 PM): why? is everything okay?
You received a reply almost instantly. 
Guk (11:42 PM): yes nd no
Guk (11:42 PM): i need the other part of our deal to happen now
Guk (11:43 PM): i know it hasnt been that long but fuck its driving me insane
Ah... that's what was wrong. You hesitated. He was really serious about that part of the deal? You didn't realise this is how worked up he got, you guessed that masturbation wasn't on the table for him anymore. It had been long for you too, longer than him, but maybe it didn't affect you as much considering you weren't in a seriously long relationship. He could also get that sort of relief being with someone, but now he had lost that, and he was resorting to you for help.
Your phone had locked again, and you had only realised that it had when another text message came through.
Guk (11:46 PM): can i come over? pls
Guk (11:46 PM): its ok if not i can figure sumn else out
Fuck.
You (11:47 PM): no its okay u can
You (11:48 PM): i agreed to help didnt i?
You didn't hear off of him after that, and you assumed that the Read underneath your message meant that he was already on his way. Fuck, was this really happening? Was he really on his way over here to take you in that way? It was only last month that you two would have been hanging out as friends, just friends! How had so much changed in a short amount of time? You had never thought that you'd be anticipating his visit like this.
Would you even enjoy it? Would he even enjoy it? Now you just felt sick, sick with embarrassment on top of nerves, because he was coming over to fuck you or do something intimate with you and you wouldn't even know how to make it good for him. You didn't even know what he liked, and he didn't know what you liked. Why did you never discuss this beforehand? This was definitely a conversation the both of you would be having if he decided he wanted to do this again. 
It had just reached midnight when you heard the knock, and you hadn't moved an inch since he last texted. Opening the door for him was different, because you knew what was inevitably going to happen tonight. Were you excited? Yes, but also incredibly nervous and in disbelief that this was really going to happen. You thought back to the kiss that he gave you in the cafe that one time, and how easy it was to forget your surroundings or actions when his lips were against yours. Fuck, now you could really say that you were excited. 
You shouldn't have been feeling like this, not about your best friend. Not about the person who was doing this to win someone back. 
"You're being awkward" You looked at him, you were both sitting on the sofa side by side and you hadn't ushered a word to him. He was getting frustrated, that much is true and you couldn't blame him because you had agreed to this and now you were weird. 
"I know it's just—Fuck, I'm sorry it's just this is weird for me, you know?" You admitted, looking away from him. He nodded, wishing that this was easier than it was "I'm trying not to be, I really am... but it's not like we're two strangers"
"It's not too late to say no you know" He told you, now you were both looking at each other "Honestly. Just... tell me, truthfully before we go any further. Tell me you don't really want this and it'll be okay. I'll figure something out I just don't want you doing this when you feel uncomfortable"
You weren't sure what to say to him, not after that. At first, the idea of you both being intimate was uncomfortable to you. But after you got a taste of what kind of a kisser he was, you did want more. You were just nervous about the aftermath, how differently would things be between you both once this was over? Would he want to do it again? 
You decided to shut your thoughts up, and give him the answer that you wanted to give, so you leaned forwards and pressed your lips against his own. If he was surprised by the sudden action he didn't show it, because he moved his lips against your own and even moved closer to you, and it was euphoric. You had never felt more alive when his tongue didn't waste anytime and slid inside your mouth, skimming over your bottom lip and mixing with your own. Fuck, this was driving you crazy. He pressed against you more firmly, and leant into you and groaned at the way your hands moved up and gripped his face to hold him to you.
You could definitely get used to the way that he groaned. 
“Guk—" You whispered, pulling away but didn’t have chance to speak again as he moved forwards, leaning over you and pressing his lips against your own, nibbling your bottom one.
“It’s okay. It’s okay, just trust me” He told you as your back hit the sofa. You did. You trusted him more than anything. Which is why you went along with him as he guided you. He grabbed your hand and placed it on his cock that was being restrained by his jeans "Touch me, right there baby—Touch me" you did as instructed, treating him like any other lover that you've had. 
You palmed him through his jeans, feeling him getting harder every time you moved your wrist and focussed on his face. He was pressed against you at this point, forehead leaning against your own as his breath skimmed your lips. You wanted him closer, you wanted him on top of you even more and you wanted him inside you, getting more and more impatient as you felt his cock on your palm. 
“Please do something” you told him, moving your hips upwards and adding them to the pressure on his cock. Fuck, you want him to destroy you. 
He shredded his jacket, chucking it on the floor before connecting your lips again. He was breathing heavily at this point, and you could practically feel the way that he was losing control. He wanted to go slow, he didn’t want to rush this with you, considering it was your first time being like this together—he also didn't want to take you on the sofa like this but he couldn’t stop grinding into your hand, he couldn’t pull away from your lips. It had been so long, too long for him, and he needed this. 
He moved down to his jean pocket, pulling away from your lips, placing a foil package in front of your face. Condom. Right, protection. It's a good job he remembered because it had slipped your mind. Like you told yourself, it was easy to forget your surroundings and actions when he was with kissing you the way that he was. He smirked at you, and you moved your head forwards, taking the foil package by the corner and holding it between your teeth. 
He kissed your forehead before undoing his belt and jean buttons, eyes moving away from you. You occupied your own hands, undoing the buttons to your button up pyjama top and opening it, your bare chest now exposed and you couldn't find your actions shameful. Especially when his gaze fixed on your breasts, and he didn’t waste anytime leaning forwards to wrap his lips around one of your buds. 
His hands were still busy with his jean buttons, and you heard him groan in frustration against your chest, clearly overworking himself and getting frustrated. You couldn’t say anything, not with the foil package being held by your teeth, you could just press him further into you with your hands—fingers threading through his hair and you bucked your hips into him when he bit your nipple. Not too hard to hurt, but hard enough to feel the pleasure shoot to your core. 
He forced himself up, pulling away from your chest so he could undo his jeans, pulling them down his thighs, along with his boxers. You didn't have chance to look at his cock properly, but you were still able to catch a glimpse of the size of him. Wow. His impatience was shown clearly to you, because he hadn't pulled his jeans or boxers off completely, just left them at his knees. Before you knew it, he was reaching for your shorts and panties, pulling them down in one go and throwing them to the floor. 
He was on top of you again, pulling the foil package away from your mouth and replacing it with his lips as they moved against your own once more. You gasped into him as you felt his cock brush in between your legs and against your folds, and now it was your turn to be impatience. 
It was sight to see that’s for sure. Jeongguk on top of you, boxers and jeans resting at his knees while his shirt was still on—while you lay on the couch, shorts and underwear missing while your pyjama top was wide open, exposing your breasts and his cock was rubbing against your folds. It was laughable, because you never thought you’d be in this position with your best fucking friend. 
He pulled on your bottom lip again, letting it snap back into place before his eyes moved to the condom in his hands. He opened it, throwing the empty packet onto the floor before rolling it on himself and you watched carefully, now getting a full view of his cock. Fuck, he was definitely the biggest that you’d ever had. Who would have thought that your best friend was packing that in his jeans? How could she have let it go? 
The thought made you remember why you were in this position in the first place, and you grabbed his face to pull you against your lips. This time it was more gentle, and he felt the change as you didn’t bother hiding it. Once the condom was rolled on, he pulled away from your lips and placed hands on your thighs. 
“You still want this?” He questioned, nudging his nose against your own while his fingertips gripped your thighs almost possessively “You know there's no going back after this” He was right, there wasn't.
But you didn’t care, not anymore. 
To answer his question, you moved your hand down and gripped him—feeling him without his jeans on. It was a shame that the condom separated you both, but based on the way that he closed his eyes briefly, forehead pressing into yours once more as he rocked into your hand, you knew that it still felt good for him. Your free hand moved underneath his shirt, raking his back with your nails and you only wished that he had taken his shirt off so you could see him. 
“Just fuck me” Finally. He had your permission. 
Maybe he should have used his fingers first, stretched you out a little, because you were so fucking tight. It was driving him insane, and he thought he would never fit once he got the tip in because you were clenching him so hard he nearly blew his load there and then. He made the mistake of looking at your face, and had to wait a second before he actually did come too early.
It was your expression, the way your eyes were closed and mouth slightly open that practically drove him insane. He never thought that he’d see you this way, so fucked out because of him and he only had his tip inside you. He had worked you up, barely giving you anything other than this and he thought that maybe he wasn’t the only one that would come too quickly. 
He kissed your neck, nibbling your jaw before moving his hand down and between your legs, fingertips circling your little bud and smirked at the way you gasped. 
“Relax for me…” He told you, feeling you nod “Please fucking relax for me—you’re driving me crazy right now”
You were driving him crazy? Well, he should try and take a glimpse into your thoughts. 
The two fingers that were rubbing your clit felt so good, so fucking good and he obviously knew that it would help relax you, because he was able to push into you more and more until he was halfway in. It was clear that he wasn’t wasting any time, because he kept going and going until his hips were flush against your own and he was fully inside of you. He removed his fingers and buried his head further into your neck, letting out a sigh of relief. 
“Oh fuck I–Guk…” 
“I know baby, I know”
He started pulling out, lifting his head away from your neck to see where the two of you were connected and he heard your whimper when he was removed from inside of you, his tip being the only thing that remained. 
He pushed into you again, eyes moving to focus on your breasts and groaned when he was back inside you fully. This was so so much better than his own hand, and he couldn't help but feel a huge amount of gratitude towards you because you were willingly here, underneath him and letting him have you this way. He leaned down to kiss you again, and smirked against your lips when your fingers threaded through his hair again and he moved his hips against your own. 
He stayed still for a moment, his cock nestled inside of you as he rested on his elbows, leaning into you more. He needed to calm down, because he was so close to just having you the way that he wanted to right now, but he didn't think you were ready for that yet. Maybe the next time you did this, you would be. 
Next time. 
“Guk..” You whispered, eyes still shut as your legs pulled him closer by his waist “Fuck me properly” His hands clenched at the way you whispered to him. 
Who was he to deny you?
His arms moved to grip your waist, and you felt the change in his behaviour. Maybe you didn't know what you were asking from him, but the slow pace he had set just wasn't doing it for you. You kissed him again, to muffle the moan you let out as he pulled out once more before sliding his cock into you again harder.
He did the same, not wasting anymore time and pulling out before sliding back in. He groaned at the way you were clenching around him, but couldn't find himself to tell you to relax, because it felt so fucking good. Each thrust he set, he was nudging against your clit and it was just divine. 
“Let me hear you baby” He told you, pulling away from your lips and looking into your eyes “Don't hide how good I'm making you feel” God. 
His pace was now faster and harder, pulling out before slamming back in. His hips were moving and he was pulling you down onto his cock by your hips. Each time he did, you moved higher up the couch and your face was pushing into his own more and more, feeling his frantic breaths against your lips. 
You had never felt so full, and you moaned out loud when he did one particular hard thrust and he smirked down at you because of your reaction. You were gripping his forearms, not bothering to hide your moans anymore at the way he was moving inside of you. You definitely didn't know what you were asking for. 
“So—So fucking good” You told him, eyes closing as he moved forwards to nibble your ear lobe. 
“Yeah? Feels good?” You nodded at his question, unable to say anything else as his cock brushed your insides “Making you feel so good baby” 
He was for sure going to have marks on his forearms after tonight, from the way that you were gripping him so tightly. He would leave his own marks of course, based on the deathly grip he had on your hips to ensure that you were slammed down onto his cock every time he thrusted. 
He was getting closer and closer, each thrust he set but there was something holding him back and he groaned in frustration against your neck. He felt good, so fucking good, but he wanted to feel you more. This position was getting boring for him, and it was refraining him from holding you tighter against him. So when he stopped thrusting, you gasped in surprise and opened your eyes. 
“I can't feel you like this I need—Fuck, it's not enough” He told you, pushing fully inside of you before lifting you up. 
He didn't say anything else, just lifted you up while managing to keep his cock inside you. You tried to hold back the moan you let out, but it was impossible to because when he sat you down on his lap, his cock brushed against that spot which resulted in your legs twitching and you clenching around him.
He paused for a second, back against the sofa while he held you on his lap. He looked up at your face and your head was thrown back, fingers gripping his shirt and you almost almost pulled away from him when you heard his breathy chuckle.  
“Hit the spot did I?” he pulled you closer, and you kissed him almost immediately to get him to shut up. 
You didn't want to hear him be smug about it, because now you were just waiting on your release that was so damn close. Yes, he did hit the spot. He was also making you feel so good right now. You hadn’t noticed that his palms had now moved down to spread over your backside, fingertips gripping and spreading your cheeks. He pushed you down onto his cock even more, his kiss getting more desperate when you clenched around him and you wrapped your hands around the side of his neck, not choking him but just holding him in place.
This time, it was you moving first, as you lifted yourself up with his help before letting yourself fall back down onto him. His cock hit that spot again, and you almost yelped at the feeling it gave you. You realised that you could not control this yourself, not when you were so close and he was rubbing you exactly where you needed. 
“I'm gonna cum...” You warned, your voice muffled by his lips and he only grunted in response, gripping you even tighter if that was possible. You were handing the power to him once again, and he was able to tell that during the kiss you were passing over all control. 
He lifted you up, bringing you back down and bucked his hips at the same time. He was close too you noted, because he began picking up speed, lifting you by your ass and slamming you down onto his cock—so close, so fucking close. Anytime now you would be coming undone around him and you were gripping him tighter by the second. 
“You gonna cum for me?” He whispered to you, earning a nod in response, feeling your nails dig into the skin on his neck “That’s it baby—cum for me. You’re doing so well” 
“Guk—“ It took one more thrust, one more hit against your g-spot and then you were coming undone around him and letting out a moan that he had asked you not to hold back. 
He felt your walls pulsing as you came, and he groaned, slamming his lips onto yours as he bucked his hips again before spilling his load into the condom. You both held each other, your orgasms lasting a few seconds but lips not separating. he licked inside your mouth and you wrapped your arms around his neck, not wanting to let go just yet as you felt like jelly around him. 
His cock was now slowly softening inside you, and he twitched at the sensitivity but didn't dare to move you. He ran his hands down your back, sneaking under your opened top to feel your skin, relaxing you. You were pressed so close to him, your nipples rubbing against his shirt and he was now regretting not paying as much attention to them. 
Next time. 
Oh there was definitely going to be a next time. At least, he wanted to. If you didn't then that was fine. If you did, he wouldn't wait that long, he wouldn't wait to be so desperate. He’d take his time, get you fully naked, pay more attention to your chest and maybe next time he’d use his fingers first. Or maybe his mouth. Or maybe both. He should really stop thinking about it before he gets worked up again.
You pulled away from his lips let out a sigh. He watched you carefully, trying to see any hints of regret. 
“You okay?” He questioned, and you opened your eyes to look at him. You cradled his face and smiled, pecking his lips before nodding. 
“Yeah—Yeah, I’m good” You told him “Better than good actually” 
After that, you let him take a shower. He offered to take one together, but you had declined. No need to go any further than you had to. So when he was done, you took one yourself before getting changed into clean pyjamas. You both settled down on the same couch afterwards, both clean and dressed as you watched a film together. It was around 2am when he left, and you had asked him to stay the night instead of going home so late, but he had also declined this offer, giving you a quick hug before leaving. 
It wasn't until you settled down in bed, you heard off of him again.
Guk (03:16 AM): thank you
— —
A week after you found yourself at your kitchen table with him. Luckily, thankfully, it hadn't been awkward between you both. You had both acted normally when you saw each other the next day. The night you shared almost seemed like it had been forgotten about, because neither of you spoke up about it. Until now, and it was you who brought it up.
"We should talk about it don't you think?" You had ordered takeaway for the both of you, and you had finished yours whereas he was still eating, scrolling through his phone. He looked up at you, and stopped chewing for a moment.
"There's nothing to say. I mean, we had sex" He told you, looking back down at his phone "It was part of our deal. We're both adults who need release and found it with each other. What is there to talk about?"
"When it happens again—If it happens again, shouldn't we at least... I don't know, talk about our likes and dislikes?" His attention focussed on you again, and you shrugged your shoulders "I don't even know if last time was good for you. I don't even know what you like during sex. I don't know your boundaries and you don't know mine. Shouldn't we at least have that conversation?" 
You were right. He didn't know your boundaries, and you didn't know his. Although, there weren't many for him when it came to sex. He was experimental, he would be happy to try anything. Anything that made his partner happy. Were you the same? Or were you more strict on what you wanted to try and do? Ah, maybe it was good that you brought it up. 
"It was good for me" He admitted, locking and placing down his phone "You're right, maybe we should talk about it. I've never really had that type of conversation like this before but considering our situation, it might be best to" You sighed in relief, thankful that he was able to see where you were coming from. Despite the fact that he continued eating, you knew he was listening to you.
"What are the things you like? During sex I mean, or things that get you riled up?" You narrowed your eyes at the way he smirked at your question. Were you being awkward? Ah, probably. How else would you have asked that question? 
"Honestly, I can tell you now, I like anything and everything" He looked back up at you, and you raised your eyebrows "I'm not afraid to try new things. If you want to try something, just bring it up and we can have a go — I don't see why it would be a problem" Fair enough. You nodded and looked down at your lap.
"Choking"
"Huh?"
"I said—" Fuck, this was embarrassing "Choking. I like... choking"
"Being choked or choking your partner?" You shrugged at his question, still avoiding his eyes. You didn't mind really, both worked you up just the same "We could try both if you want. What about marks?" 
"Marks?"
"You know, hickies. Love bites"
"Only in places where people can't see"
"Why? We're supposed to be dating aren't we?" Right. He was right. 
"Okay.." You nodded and he finished the last bit of food, wiping his mouth with a napkin before leaning back in his chair and looking at you properly "You know if we — Well, when we do, I want you to know that you don't necessarily have to hold back on me" He raised his eyebrows and you felt slightly flustered at your confession. You really said that to your best friend. Fuck, things were so weird lately.
"You mean you like it rough?" Yeah. That's what you were saying. You nodded once more, and he smirked at the way you were obviously embarrassed to admit that "Why are you being weird right now? You're the one who suggested we have this conversation" His voice wasn't firm but humorous, and he quite clearly found your discomfort in this situation funny.
"Because the whole situation is weird! I mean.. just a month ago you were my best friend and now we're having a conversation about things we like during sex and last week we actually had sex" You scratched your head and sighed, feeling better now that you had gotten it off your chest "You don't find it weird? At all?"
"It's only weird if you make it weird" He told you, shrugging his shoulders "Besides. If you don't want to have sex then that's fine too, we can stop. I only suggested it in the first place because it would have been difficult for us to see other people if we were supposedly dating, but I'm sure we would figure something out between us" You didn't want to stop, not really. Especially not after the way he made you feel last week.
"I never said that I didn't want it.." 
"Okay. So, we carry on.." You nodded your head "What about dirty talk?"
"Yes" He chuckled at the way you didn't hesitate to answer him. You liked the dirty talk. You liked the praises he gave you, but you hated the way you felt when he called you baby. It affected you too much, but you weren't about to tell him to stop.
"Hey..." You looked up at him and he smiled "Come here"
You stood up and he instantly reached forwards to grab you, causing you to fall into him. He moved your legs so they spread either side of him and you were pulled onto his lap, straddling him. You looked down at him, and he could only smirk back before pecking you on the lips, moving his lips down to your neck where he kissed more firmly. He seemed to like it when you brushed the nape of his neck with your fingernails. He seemed to like it a lot. The low groan he let out, and the way he nibbled your neck gave it away.
"What are you doing?" You questioned, eyes shutting briefly at the way he was practically making out with your neck.
"Marking you" Oh. Your head instantly moved to the side, giving him more space to do his work. You wanted to do something, you felt kind of awkward sitting there on his lap while he marked your neck. So, you leaned forwards and nibbled his earlobe, and Jeongguk nearly busted there and then “Fuck...”
Now that you liked. You could get used to the way he moaned. You could also get used to the way that he ran his hands up your back as you fisted his hair in your hands. You could get used to the way his skin tasted — but you could definitely get used to the way he threw his head back and groaned when you accidentally rolled your hips.
Well.. maybe not accidentally. 
You wanted him to do it again, you wanted to hear him make that noise because of your actions, so you rolled your hips again and moved one of your hands down his chest and to his stomach, sneaking it underneath his shirt and pinching one of his nipples.
He actually… bucked his hips into your own. Fuck. It caught you by surprise, and you gasped at the feeling of his already hard cock being restrained by his jeans, brushing against your clit that was still covered by your leggings and underwear. You knew how big he was, but you were still surprised at how much you felt it despite how many layers separated you, but fuck did it feel good. 
"You're already hard.." You were teasing him, and he obviously got frustrated at your words.
"Yeah, well—I bet that you're already soaked for me" He pushed you away, causing you to stand up as he towered over you. He pressed his lips against your own, holding your face tightly in his hands and spun you around, pushing you into the chair and disconnecting your lips too quickly for your liking "I wanna fucking see"
He got down on his knees in front of you as you were now sat in his previous space and he reached for your leggings, pulling them down your legs and chucking them behind him. He leant forwards, brushing his nose against your clothed core and one of your hands gripped the table beside you. His eyes made contact with your own, and you gasped when you watched his tongue run up the length of your panties. Well, if you weren't soaked before, you definitely were now. 
"You said—Fuck, you said you wanted to see not taste" He bit the inside of your thigh, replacing his tongue with his fingers, tracing your clit with his fingertips over your panties and you bucked your hips into him.
"What? You don't like me touching you like this?" He pressed down, and the feeling was fucking amazing. Despite the fact that your underwear was separating him, your core still felt every single touch "I think you like it, baby" Baby. Fuck.
"Guk—"
"Tell me. Tell me you like it" He pressed down even harder, and you threw your head back "Tell me, and I'll give you more"
"I like it—Fuck, I like it, I love it"
You felt him smile against your thigh, and true to his word, he pulled down your panties before spreading your legs and staring at your bare cunt. You should have felt ashamed, shameful and embarrassed, but you trusted him. It also helped when you kept your head backwards, not looking down at him so you couldn't see his reaction. You didn't have long to register anything, because he leant forwards and licked from your entrance to your clit, and your eyes rolled back. 
You couldn't push your legs together at the feeling, because his fingers dug into your thighs, keeping them spread apart. You gasped when his tongue dipped inside your folds, flicking the bottom of your clit causing you to push into him more. He was now fully making out with your cunt, and it was the best feeling you had ever had. Every few seconds he would tap your clit with his tongue but purposely didn't put enough pressure on it. You were torn, you wanted him to make you cum quickly but you also didn't want this to stop. 
"Keep your fucking legs open" He told you, and you were about to question him but were quickly cut off by the feeling of his middle finger poking at your entrance. 
Now, he paid attention to your clit. His lips wrapped around the small bud and he sucked, sinking his finger further inside of you until it was all the way inside. Your free hand flew to his hair, gripping and pulling and he groaned against you, sending vibrations through your body. It was an overwhelming feeling, but you didn't dare close your legs. The one that he wasn't holding twitched, and you used every bit of energy you had left to keep it open. He noticed it twitching and looked up at you, but your eyes were set straight on the ceiling. 
He carried on, pumping his finger in and out while licking and sucking. You were breathing heavily at this point, but it wasn't enough to make you cum just yet. You were close, yes — but you needed the extra push.
"Guk.." You moaned, making him hum against you "Please... please add another one"
He did as you asked, his second finger sliding inside you and he felt you clench tightly around him. He brushed his teeth against your clit and your eyes flew down to look at him. You gasped at the sight in front of you, and found yourself not being able to look away. His tattooed hand was moving in and out of you, while his mouth continued licking at every spot his fingers didn't touch. You moved both of your hands into his hair, brushing it away from his face before pulling him further against you. 
He curled his fingers inside of you, and your hips jumped slightly at the sudden feeling of his fingertips brushing your g-spot. He figured it out quickly, and pumped his fingers faster and harder, curling them into that spot each time. 
"Oh fuck.. Oh fuck, right—right there" Your head fell backwards again and you kept your grip on his hair tight.
What with his hand holding your leg open, his fingers moving harder and faster each pump while curling against that particular spot, and his lips wrapping tightly around your clit, you found yourself coming undone and you lost complete control over your body. He groaned against you as you pulled him further into you, and your walls began fluttering around his fingers and he listened you to moan his name. He could feel you trying to push your legs closed, but he didn't let you as he helped you ride out your orgasm. 
The whimper you let out when you pushed his head away let him know that you were now sensitive. He pulled away, removing his fingers from inside your walls before pecking your clit once more making you jolt slightly. He licked his lips, cleaning his fingers with his tongue before smiling at the way you just slumped there, head still resting back as you panted heavily. He could make out the line of sweat on your forehead and felt smug at the state of you.
"You alive?" He leaned over you, now standing up despite the ache between his own legs.
"Just about..." He snorted at your response, and flashed you a smile when you opened your eyes.
Your hands moved up once more, holding his face as your thumbs brushed his chin, wiping away any evidence of you on him. You couldn't help but pull him down and kiss him, mixing your tongue with his as you tasted yourself. You didn't care. You were grateful to him. Grateful for him not being weird. Grateful for him making you feel comfortable. Grateful for him being here, as your friend. Grateful for him giving you the best fucking orgasm that you have ever had.  
He pulled away, kissing your cheek before picking up the blanket from the couch and placing it on your lap, moving to clean up the table. You looked at his crotch and narrowed your eyes at the obvious bulge. 
"You don't want that sorted out?" You questioned, and became even more confused when he shook his head "Why? It's the least I could do for what just happened"
"I don't need you to pay me back by giving me a blowjob" He told you, throwing the empty takeaway cartons into the bin and the cutlery in the bowl "Besides, it's late, you're tired and I want you to consider it a way of me thanking you for doing all this for me"
You hadn't realised that it was so late, the clock telling you that it was almost midnight. He was also right about you being tired, after that orgasm you definitely were. You hadn't moved from your position, still slumped on the seat and you could feel the aftermath of Jeongguk's actions soaking the chair you were sat on. Now you felt embarrassed, and you squeezed your legs together but whimpered at the slight sensitivity.
"At least stay the night.." You told him, watching him as he picked up your leggings and panties from the floor, throwing them in your washer "It's late, you said it yourself, and if you won't let me give you a blowjob then at least do this for me"
He sighed, walking back towards you. You stood up, ignoring your legs practically screaming at you and wrapped the blanket around you. His eyes narrowed on the purple mark on your neck.
"Fine, I'll stay" He told you, and you nodded at him "You're taking a shower first though. I'll clean up in here, then when you're done I'll shower myself and fix my little problem" 
"Not exactly little.." You teased, making him snort. 
"Alright, don't fucking tempt me to take you right here" You almost pleaded for him too, but the thought of crawling into bed after a warm shower was appealing to you right now so you kept quiet "Want me to sleep on the couch?"
"I don't mind, you can share with me or take the couch" You shrugged, pulling the blanket closer to you. 
"Okay. Go on then, let me clean up" 
You did as you were told, reaching the bathroom and stripping naked completely before getting into the shower. Jeongguk cleaned up as he said he would, and couldn't help but smirk when he wiped down the seat you had previously been sitting on. 
When he was done, he turned off all the lights before making his way towards the bathroom where you no longer were. He stripped himself, thankful that he had chosen to wear sweatpants so he could return home tomorrow morning commando — not wanting to wearing dirty boxers. He stepped into the shower, turning the temperature to the coldest setting and hissing at the way it hit his skin. By the time that he finished, it had gotten much later and he also couldn't wait to finally sleep. He picked up his clothes, folding them before drying his hair the best he could. 
He walked into your room quietly, your back was facing him but you were clearly asleep. He shut the door slowly, not wanting to wake you up as he placed his clothes on top of your dresser ready for the morning. He made his way to the bed, dropping the towel from his waist before crawling into bed behind you. He wasn't bothered about you waking up and seeing him naked, because it wasn't something that you hadn't seen before. He finally settled down, pressing his face into the pillow as he felt himself getting more and more exhausted.
Before he fell asleep, he let his thoughts drift to her, and only wished that it was her bed that he was in. He wished that it was her he was lying besides, because he missed her—and he wanted her back. It was the whole reason why he was here right now. His heart ached, but he pushed down the feeling of emptiness she had left behind as he fell asleep next to his best friend. 
— —
It had been around 4 months when it happened. Four months of pretending to be dating and being intimate with each other. Although you had only had sex three times, including the first time, the rest of the time it was just him pleasuring you or you returning the favour. You were thankful that you had both remained exactly the same with each other, when you hung out with each other as friends, your intimate actions seemed to have been forgotten about.
Jeongguk was right when he said it's only weird if you made it weird, because it was as if you never did any of that stuff. At this point, you had posted a few dating selfies and posts on social media so it was more convincing, and you were sure that she had seen it all. Especially when Jeongguk showed up at your house randomly one weekend.
"She messaged me.." He told you, walking inside the house with a grin "She messaged me and said that she wanted to talk"
Huh. So it worked then. 
"Talk about what?" You questioned, following him into your living room.
"She didn't say she just asked me if I was free tonight, told me she thought that we needed to talk about stuff" Your best friend seemed happy at this, and you could see the genuine excitement in his eyes "This could be it. I could get her back"
"I'm happy for you, Guk" You told him, smiling at him. You were happy for him, this is what he had been wanting all these months. The whole reason you started this thing. The thought made you frown slightly "What are you going to tell her about us?"
"The truth obviously" He replied, sitting down on the couch "I'll tell her that you agreed to help me win her back, so we pretended to date to get her attention. I've always been honest with her, I won't start lying to her now"
"What about the sex part?" You sat beside him, and he looked at you with raised eyebrows. 
"What about it?" He scoffed "She won't care. I mean, I'm sure she's been sleeping with other people during the time we haven't been together" The thought of someone else being with her like that started off his jealously, and he hoped that it wasn't true. 
"So she won't care that you've been sticking your dick into your best friend?" He flinched slightly at the statement, but it was a valid question. What happens if it ruins things between them? What if she doesn't take him back because she finds out you've been sleeping together? "Guk, if she does get back with you, she's going to be weird around me and I don't really think she will like us hanging out with each other knowing that we've already slept together. What if she thinks we're doing it behind her back?" 
"You're telling me I should lie to her?"
"Not exactly, I just—" You sighed, trying not to upset him "I don't think you should tell her about the sex part"
"That means I would be keeping a secret from her" He replied, and your shoulders slumped, knowing that he was right. You were just looking out for him. You wanted him to be reasonable. This was a chance for him to get her back, great! But if your decision to have sex with each other affected his relationship with her and your friendship, you could never forgive yourself "I understand that she would be paranoid but all I have to do is reassure her that it's purely platonic between us, we were just helping each other out"
"And if she makes you choose?" You knew you shouldn't have asked, but it just slipped out. Judging by his face, he was clearly pissed off at the question.
"She wouldn't do that" He told you, his jaw clenching "Besides, even if she did, you know what I'd do"
"No, actually I don't" It was your turn to scoff now, because you didn't know. Yes, he was your best friend, but he was head over heels for this girl. He loved her, sometimes you thought maybe he loved her more than you, which is why you didn't know who he would choose if he was asked to. You could only hope that it didn't come down to that. 
"She's not cruel"
"No, I know she's not but that doesn't mean she can't be!" You told him, standing up from the couch "Yes, she's a great fucking girl. I'm really happy you found someone you love so much and some who respects our friendship but the minute she finds out we have slept together—not once, but three times, she might not be as respectful. It would't be fair to us if you told her"
"It also wouldn't be fair to her if I didn't tell her!" He was standing now too, and you ran your hands through your hair. It was a frustrating situation, because you were both making valid points. Fuck, more what could you do? "My relationship with her is fragile at the moment, so if I keep a secret from her, it could ruin everything. I have always been honest with her and I am not going to ruin that now"
"You don't even know if she's going to ask you back!" Ouch. It hurt coming from your lips, but technically, you were right were you not? She didn't specify what she wanted to talk to him about, so it might not have even been about getting back with him. Ah, but then again what could it have been about? Maybe you shouldn't have said that, now you regretted it "Fuck, Guk I—Fuck I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that" 
"Do you not want me to get back with her is that it?" What? Is that what it sounded like? That wasn't what you were implying! You shook your head at him, getting ready to defend yourself before he cut you off "Did you catch feelings? Do you want me and you to be together, that's why you expect me to keep it quiet from her and ruin things between us? You know I don't see you in that way, so it would never happen"
"Fuck you!" You raged. How dare he! No, you hadn't caught feelings. You were glad that you didn't. He was your friend, nothing more and nothing less. Was it such a crime to make sure your friend made the right decisions? "Please don't fucking flatter yourself right now. No, I didn't catch feelings, and even if I did, do you really think I would try and stop you from being with the one person you actually see a future with? Do you think I'm that selfish?"
"I don't know, are you?" He actually had the audacity to ask that? Is that what he thinks about you?
Now that did hurt you. 
He could see you were visibly hurt at his comment, as you just stood there to stare at him. A million thoughts ran through your head. How could he... did he really think you were that selfish? He's known you for years, you had always done things to make him happy, it was the whole fucking reason you took part in this deal in the first place! You had done so much for each other, and now he was questioning your intentions?
You shouldn't have said anything. You shouldn't have brought your thoughts up at all. Wasn't he the one who suggested it at the start though? If one of us has a problem, we bring it up and sort it out. He told you that the first night he asked you about the deal. Now it seemed like he had just forgotten everything that happened between you two because she was in the picture again.
You took a guess on what he would do if it did come down to choosing between you both. Her. It was always, always her.
You sat back down on the couch, not saying a word to him or looking in his direction and he watched you. Why weren't you saying anything?
He sat back down also, closer to you now and glanced at you. He didn't think you were selfish, he was just so happy about her finally messaging him and happy about the possibility of him getting back with her, but it seemed like you were making it into a problem. It killed his mood slightly, but he realised now that you were trying to be a good friend. 
He reached for your hand, holding it in his own but it wasn't there for long, because you pulled it away from him instantly. He scoffed, looking at your face and found that you had turned your head away from him. So he had upset you. Right. He whispered your name, trying to get your attention but you didn't look at him.
You felt him move your hair away from your neck, and you jumped slightly when his lips ghosted over your neck. He pecked you, just the once but the feeling of it was enough to make you feel something. He moved higher up, kissing underneath your earlobe before pulling it between his teeth. You closed your eyes, feeling him lean closer to you as his fingers stroked the nape of your neck.
"Baby.." He said, mouth hovering by your ear "I'm sorry" Asshole.
You shook your head, turning it to face him. Your nose brushed his own as you did, and he smiled at you but you didn't return it. If he thought he could seduce you into accepting his apology, he was wrong.
"I'm not selfish" You told him, pulling back "You know me better than that"
"I do. I do, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have questioned you" His hand was now cupping your cheek making sure you didn't lean further back, and he felt your jaw clench in his hold before he leant forwards, leaving a kiss on the edge of your mouth "Let me make it up to you..."
He now pressed his lips against your own, holding you in place. It was firm, and very telling. It was a bit awkward for him, as he began moving against you but you weren't doing anything. You were stubborn, that's for sure. At least you let him hover over you as he pushed you back, your back lying on the couch just like the first night you spent together. He gave up trying to get you to kiss back, so he moved to your neck, kissing you and nibbling you there.
He was relentless, and you gasped at his hand sneaking underneath your leggings and cupping your mound. Your hands were placed on his chest as he rubbed you over your panties, mouth still assaulting your neck. In other circumstances you would have let him, would have enjoyed it, but you couldn't find yourself relaxing under his touch. This was horrible timing! You were pissed at him, and he was about to meet up with his ex tonight to  talk about getting back with her, so you couldn't do this anymore. 
"Guk—"
"Shh, be quiet baby. Let me make you feel good" 
"No, Guk we... we can't do this"
"We can. We can, just one more time"
He pressed his lips back against yours, and you gasped again at his hand getting underneath your underwear. It allowed him access to mix his tongue with your own, putting more pressure into his strokes. His middle finger ghosted over your entrance, his thumb brushed against your clit and he groaned against your lips, bucking his hips into your thigh as he felt himself getting hard. You also felt it.
No.
"Stop it" You pushed him away from your lips, grabbing his wrist and pulling it out of your pants. He watched with wide eyes as you moved away from him, getting off the couch and readjusting your leggings "I'm not—We can't fucking do this. Not anymore"
"What's the matter? I already apologised!"
"That's not what this is about!" It was. Yes, you were still upset, pissed off even—but he had apologised and you could forgive him, but you couldn't go there with him, not anymore "It's gonna make things worse if she finds out we did this before you were meant to see her. Please don't make it even more difficult than it has to be"
"Right. Okay.." It took him a moment to reply, and he sighed. He looked up at you once more, getting off the couch and adjusting his jeans around his half hard cock "I should go then, I suppose"
"I think that's for the best"
He didn't say anything else, and you didn't need him to. So he nodded his head, and you watched him with your jaw clenched as he opened the door, not even hesitating to walk out of it as it shut behind him. 
You were right. Even from the start, and he was a fool to think things wouldn't be different.
— —
It had been 6 months by now, two months since you last fell out with Jeongguk. Although, things weren’t bad between you, not necessarily.
A lot happened in the last two months. You hadn’t slept together again, you hadn’t even touched each other in that way, but he still came to see you. The day after your argument he asked if he could come over and you nearly denied him but knew you couldn’t avoid him forever.
He apologised, properly this time, and didn’t try to seduce you into accepting it. He was meaningful, and you could tell that the day before only happened because he felt invincible, high on adrenaline after she had texted him asking for a meet up. 
Oh yeah. Her. You didn’t want to feel smug, but what you had stressed about came true. She was pissed, not about the fake dating but about the whole sex situation. Yes, she had told him she had made a mistake. Yes, she told him she wanted him back. Yes, she told him there were no hard feelings for you after you “dated”. 
Jeongguk shamefully admitted that he was wrong. She had blown up, talking about how you couldn’t possibly screw your best friend, no feelings attached. She had kicked him out afterwards, telling him she needed time to think. You had no idea about what she thought of you, but when you discovered that she had blocked you on social media, you finally got your answer. 
She was definitely pissed.
You also got your answer on who he would choose. You or her. A week after she had kicked him out they met up again, and she had told him to choose. You tried really fucking hard not to be smug. He came over to yours again after it happened, ranting for an hour straight because he didn’t and shouldn’t have to choose between you. You resisted the urge to say I told you so. 
Afterwards he called her, telling her that he wasn’t going to choose, and if she still had a problem with him being friends with you he would ditch her all together. You hated how much that surprised you. 
It had all worked out in the end though, because two weeks ago he told you they were back together. They had been working on it together for a few weeks, and he kept you updated regularly. It was still partially new, but it was as if their little break didn’t really happen. She wasn’t happy about you hanging around with him every now and then, but she had to deal with it, because nothing had changed between you and him. 
He had asked if he could come over tonight for a movie night considering you hadn’t seen each other physically all week. You had been busy with college, considering your second year was nearly over. Some of your friends had decided to celebrate a “good” and “successful” year by going out for drinks tonight which is why you had to decline, telling him to reschedule. 
Jeongguk was slightly worried. He knew you were going out for drinks, but it was so late, and he had no idea how you were getting home or if you needed any help. He refused to sleep, despite the fact that his girlfriend was curled up in his bed beside him. He was worried about his best friend, he hadn't heard off of you in three hours and it was almost 1am. 
What if something happened? What if you hadn't gotten home okay? What if you were in a ditch somewhere? Okay, Jeon, maybe that was a stretch. He was probably overreacting, you were probably home safe, drunk out your mind not caring about anyone. The thought made him scoff. He was sat here out of his mind and you were probably passed out, not a care in the world.
He sighed, looking back down at his girlfriend and smiled slightly. He leant down and kissed her forehead, making her stir slightly. He was about to settle down beside her properly, throw the covers over them both before pulling her into him and letting go. He looked once more at instagram, seeing a story update from one of your friends and instantly clicked on it.
All his worries and thoughts dropped from his mind as he looked at the image. You were in it, smiling at the camera while your friends stood in front of you. You were holding a glass, was it vodka? Or water? It was clear whatever it was. His focus shifted on the seat you were sitting on, or rather the person you were sitting on. 
His nostrils flared slightly, seeing Taehyung holding your waist as his chin rested on your shoulder. He was looking at the camera too, smiling as if he wasn't holding you like you were glued to him. What? Since when had you been so friendly with him? He didn't even think you knew him, let alone be that close with him. 
You couldn't text him back, tell him you were okay, but you could be friendly and cuddly with Taehyung? He was out of his damn mind worried about you! You didn't even have the decency to let him know you were having fun. Previous times you had been out on nights like this he had been there as the designated driver, enjoying himself beside you before he took you home drunk out your mind. He would admit, it would be funny to hear you blabber about how much you loved him and how much he meant to you as your best friend.
Now he was frustrated, and he locked his phone before placing it on his beside table and sighing once more. He lay down on his side, facing away from his girlfriend being too pissed off to cuddle anyone. He was worried about you, his best friend, but apparently you didn't care. Maybe he was being too harsh, you were having fun you didn't needed to tell him that, he wasn't your dad.
But you could have at least told him you were okay? Or how you were getting home? A simple i'm ok would have been fine! God he was being pathetic. He cared too much, but at least he did care. 
He started to feel the exhaustion setting in, but before he fell asleep his phone vibrated and he picked it up.
You (01:11 AM): hey sorry i didnt wanna text you back when i was drunk, ive been tryna sober up a bit
You (01:11 AM): dont worry ab me! get some rest, ill get one of my friends to drop me off home or i can get a taxi im sober enough now
It was a fair excuse. By one of your friends did you mean... Taehyung? What if he tried something? No! It would have been fine you said you were sober, and who was he to question who you slept with? You were single, young and could sleep with anyone you wanted to. 
You had slept with him. Three times, willingly. On top of letting him eat you out, finger you and in return you gave him blowjobs. 
The thought stirred something inside of him. Would you let Taehyung do the same?
The thought almost made him snort. Even if you did, Taehyung would never make you feel the way he did. If you denied Taehyung, he felt smug in knowing that Taehyung would never know what you tasted like, or how you sounded when you came. The noises you made when your neck was being kissed or marked. He wanted to mark you again.
His dick stirred in his boxers and he held his breath for a moment. He should be thinking these things about his girlfriend, not his best friend... then why did he not feel guilty about his thoughts?
He didn't hesitate to text you back.
Guk (01:13 AM): its fine
Guk (01:13 AM): and ill pick u up. dont get a taxi its too late
You replied almost instantly.
You (01:13 AM): no guk i dont want you driving late. ill get a taxi im sober
Stubborn.
Guk (01:14 AM): im picking you up, dont even argue ab this
He didn't wait for your response, just got out of bed to grab his sweatpants from his desk chair. He shuffled round the room once they were on, making his way towards his dresser to grab a shirt. He turned around to look at the girl on his bed. Maybe he should wake her up, tell her he's going to rescue his best friend before reassuring her he won't be back late, that would be the proper boyfriend thing to do. So why didn't he do it?
It took him about five minutes for you to tell him where you were at. He sat in his car, fingers drumming the steering wheel as his frustration levels began to rise. You were being so stubborn, telling him he didn't need to worry and that you would get a taxi, but eventually you gave up and told him. Twenty minutes later he pulled over on the curb, seeing you standing with your friends outside the club.
Fuck, why did you look so good? He had never seen you wear that dress before, and to think you were sitting on Taehyung's lap in that fucking thing. 
He got out the car, standing between the door and the drivers seat as he watched you. You didn't notice him arrive, and he shouted your name to grab your attention. You smiled over at him, waving before glancing back at your friends and saying your goodbyes.
You were walking just fine, no stumbling and you weren't even slumping over like you usually did when you were drunk, it was like you hadn't had any drinks at all. Why had you sobered up so quickly? Were you planning on going back home with Taehyung? Where was he anyway? No, Jeongguk didn't care, he was just happy you were okay.
He sat back down in the drivers seat, watching you make a short jog to the passenger size in those stupid heels. You plopped in beside him, shutting your door before sighing heavily. 
"I appreciate you doing your duty as my best friend, but you really didn't have to pick me up Guk. Especially so late" You had leant forwards after putting your seatbelt off to undo your heels. 
"I said it was fine" He replied, pulling away from the curb once his own seatbelt was on "Plus, I didn't really believe that you were sober"
"Asshole.." You muttered, your smile widening as he grinned. 
"Why did you sober up so early anyway?" He had to ask.
"Early? It's almost 2am!" You pulled one of your heels before reaching for the other one "But to answer your question—my head was beginning to hurt, so I knew by then that my body had consumed enough alcohol for the night. Anyway, I kind of wanted to get out of there... now I just wanna curl up in bed and just sleep"
Yeah, he wanted that too.
You leant back up with another sigh, closing your eyes after both your heels were removed. He glanced at you from the corner of his eye, seeing that your dress had ridden up above your thighs and was barely covering your legs. He moved his hand forwards to change gear and 'accidentally' brushed his fingertips against the side of your thigh. You didn't notice or question it, and he must had done a good job at making it look like an accident. He almost smirked. 
Once he parked outside your house, you both made your way inside. He used his phone as a flashlight as you meddled with your keys, heels in one hand as you opened the door. Lights were turned on and you sighed in relief at being home. God, were you really getting that old? You barely even enjoyed nights out anymore. 
"Ah, sorry about movie night.." You apologised, placing your heels by the shoe rack and turning around to face him as he shut the front door "By the time you asked I had already agreed to head out, didn't think I could cancel"
"It's fine, don't worry" He shrugged, removing his own shoes "Wasn't on my own in the end.."
"Get lucky did you?" You smirked, raising your eyebrows as he rolled his eyes "Hey, I'm not one to judge. She is your girlfriend after all"
"I didn't get lucky" He told you, moving away from the door "It seems like you did though"
"What do you mean?"
"Since when did you know Taehyung?" He asked. Oh. The picture.
You wanted to laugh at the thought of you and Taehyung getting together. You had only sat on his knee to take picture! You and your friends were huddled together, it was either kneel down and show your panties to the camera or sit on his knee for a split second. Once it was taken you had gotten straight off. Plus, he was also only with you because his own friends had ditched him, and you had felt bad for him being on his own. 
"Please.. I didn't get lucky either" You scoffed, making him raise his eyebrows "Even if I did, it wouldn't be any of your business" You were teasing him at this point, sending him a quick smile.
"So you're saying that cancelling on your best friend to fuck another guy isn't my business?" What? How could he even say that? You looked at him, trying to see if he was joking around but he looked... pissed off?
"What? I—" You weren't even sure what you could say to that! Why was he so pissed? He was probably tired, it was 2am after all "I didn't fuck anyone, Guk. Plus, I technically didn't cancel our plans, I just told you I was busy tonight and that we could reschedule" 
"Yeah. You've been too busy to see me all week" He replied, making your shoulders slump. Now you felt bad. It wasn't your fault, really! You planned the night out on Monday and he had messaged this morning to hang out, you felt bad for cancelling on your friends after a week of planning. 
"Guk, I really am sorry..." You told him, as he looked at you again "I mean, you're here now at least?" You smiled, trying to lighten up the mood but apparently he wasn't having any of it. 
"Yeah, picking your ass up to bring you home even after you cancelled on me" 
"I mean.. technically I didn't ask so you didn't really have to—"
He kissed you. It took you by surprise, especially when it was so forceful you both fell backwards and your back slammed against the wall making you whimper. His tongue was instantly in your mouth, mixing with your own and you were nearly crushed flat at the way he was pressing so tightly against you. His hands also weren't wasting any time, because both of them skimmed your waist to cup your ass, squeezing it tight.
His thigh was between your leg, and your dress was now hiked up. You felt him flex his muscle, causing it to hit your core as you gripped him and rubbed yourself onto the muscle. He wouldn't let go of your lips, and you were both breathing heavily at this point, he kissed you and you kissed him back and it was getting more and more heated by the second. 
It felt so good, but it was wrong. His girlfriend. 
You were both slightly surprised at your strength as you pushed him away. His body and mouth disconnected from you, now not blocking you against the wall and he was breathing heavily. You couldn't look at him, you didn't want to! What had you done? Why had he kissed you? What was he fucking thinking! You ran your hands through your hair.
"Oh my god.." Was all you could mumble, moving away from the wall and making your way further into your house. You didn't spare him a second glance, and he watched as you walked away from his sight. 
Fuck fuck fuck. What the fuck. No, no you weren't about to be that type of person. Oh you couldn't believe him right now! What if she thinks we're doing it behind her back? You said that to him! So why had you kissed him back? No, he was supposed to be your best friend. Nothing more. This deal ended two months ago. He had a fucking girlfriend. A girlfriend he loved! 
Why did he kiss you? Why would he do that to her? To himself? To you?
You were looking through your bedroom drawers, trying to find your pyjamas. You weren't sure how long had passed. How long ago had it been? Oh god what were you going to do. Would he tell her? It was just a kiss, but it wasn't with his girlfriend, so it was cheating? Oh fuck.  
Your hands flew to your mouth, and you stood there for a moment. Oh you were a horrible person. How could you do that with a man that was in a relationship. You'd be so crushed if that was your boyfriend. No but, he kissed you first! Ah, but you kissed him back. Your head was beginning to hurt, and you stood there for a moment longer. 
It wasn't long until he came into your room. You didn't look at him, you couldn't, oh god what was he going to say? You should ask him to leave. Give you time to think. He should get back home, talk in the morning. Yes, that was the best plan. You needed sleep, he needed sleep. You'd talk in the morning. 
It seemed like he was going to make this even more difficult for you.
No, he was definitely making this harder. He was behind you at this point, you could feel him breathing on the back of your head. His hands wondered, fingers gripping your shoulders before they skimmed down your arms, reaching your waist. You could feel his fingertips skimming the bottom of your dress, not allowing you to be certain on what he was going to do.
He was insane. Your best friend had lost his fucking mind. Especially, especially when he leaned down to whisper in your ear.
"I don't like other men touching you" You couldn't believe what was even happening. What was he...
He shouldn't be here. He shouldn't be touching you the way that he was — but he was here before him. He was your friend, not him. He knew your body, not him. He wanted to be the only one to touch you the way you liked. He wanted you to remember that. Despite the fact that he already had someone at home waiting for him.
"This is wrong" You told him, now feeling his lips against the side of your neck "This is fucking wrong"
"You don't seem to be resisting" He's right.
"Guk, you can't say shit like—This isn't okay, I don't... Guk, I don't understand"
He moved your hands from your mouth, and pressed himself against your back more. Now your hands were behind you, holding his waist, thanks to the guidance he gave you. He moved his mouth so it was against your ear and you clenched your jaw at the way his breath skimmed your skin.
"You don't have to understand much, not right now" He told you, and your heart dropped "I just want you to know that I'm the only one who can touch you like this"
No fucking way.
"I'm not your fucking property"
It was like his words snapped you out of the trance, and now you were past feeling shocked. You were angry. Pissed off. How dare he say that to you, when he had a girlfriend. You? Well, you were your own person. Not someone he could control, not someone he could tell what to do and what not to do. You weren't sure what the fuck had gotten into him but this wasn't your best friend. 
You spun around to face him, your face full of anger and it was hard to tell what he was feeling. So you carried on.
"What the fuck is wrong with you? You have a girlfriend. Who, by the way, you spent months trying to win back. Now that you have her back you want to do this to her? What happened to not lying to her? Not keeping secrets? You painted yourself a good image, the perfect fucking boyfriend and now that you have her back you try it on with someone else? Not just anyone else, your fucking best friend!" He wasn't reacting, and it was only getting you more riled up "Your best friend who you suddenly think you can control?"
"It's not about control—"
"Then what the fuck is it about Jeongguk?" 
"I don't know! I just—" Finally! "I don't know what it is, what this is. I just felt so pissed off when I saw that fucking picture and I tried not to get worked up over it but I thought about how I used to touch you like that... more than that, and I got into my fucking head. It's wrong, yes, but I can't help but want it even more"
"We can't do this, Guk" You told him, and he looked away from you "I'm your best friend. She's your girlfriend. You should be kissing her, not me. We had an agreement, and now it's over. You got the girl, we can move on with our lives"
"I know what you are. I know what she is and I know my place with both of you" He looked at you again, and his eyes were almost pleading "That doesn't mean that.. Fuck, I don't know what all this is. I'm with her yes, and I'm happy about that, I'm happy with her but I feel like there's something unsolved between us and it's making it harder to move on"
"Unsolved?" 
"I don't know... but it just doesn't feel right between us anymore" He admitted, and you tried so hard not to be disappointed.
Things had changed.
"I can stay away if you want" You didn't want to, but if it was for the best.
"No. Never" He was adamant with his answer, and his voice was stern which meant that you had no choice in that department. At least he didn't want rid of you, that was good right?
"Then what do we do?" Your voice was quiet. You were lost at this point, completely stranded in what used to be a strong, simple friendship. 
"What if we keep it quiet?" What? Surely he wasn't talking about...
It took you a moment to answer him.
"You're not... You're not seriously suggesting—"
"Yes, I am. I am suggesting that. I know, it's wrong, totally sinful but you don't know how difficult it is to stop thinking about it" What the fuck. No, no he can't be serious "About you. About us, being together. I love her, I do and it might not seem like it but I do. It's just... you. I can't see you and me together like that, being in love and actually building a life of our own, but when I'm with you I fucking desire you and it kills me when I can't act upon it"
"Guk.." No. No, please.
"I know it sounds crazy. Okay? Baby, I know it's fucking crazy. It's insane" He held your arms again, this time it was gentler and you didn't pull away "I don't want you to stay away. I want you as close to me as possible. I told you, it doesn't feel right between us anymore and maybe doing this would make things worse but it might also make things better"
"What if you spend more time with me than her?" You were now pleading, trying to get him to understand how bizarre this was. Maybe flashing your panties in the picture would have been better than this "She's going to start asking questions, especially now that she knows we have slept together in the past. You're going to lose her forever Guk, and I don't want to be the reason for that"
"I want you..." His grip around your arm tightened, and he pulled you closer.
Fuck, what more could you do? Things would definitely be unsolved after this.
"If what you're saying about me is so true, then why are you still with her? Why would you try to win her back in the first place?"
"Because I love her"
"If you loved her you wouldn't be saying all this shit to me right now!"
You covered your face now. You were so frustrated, and you didn't want him to see the way that the tears flooded your vision. You couldn't believe that this was happening, it shouldn't have happened. Things were unsolved? Not the same between you both? It was almost like you warned him about this when he brought up the fucking deal. Ah, your head was hurting even more now.
"I don't want to choose" He told you, leaning his forehead against your hands "I want.. I want you both. It's selfish and it's fucked up but both of you are so, so important to me and I don't want to have one but lose the other" 
You tried to summarise it all in your head. He wanted you, he desired you, but he couldn't see a future with you and he couldn't see you both being in love romantically. So what, he wanted you for sex? But with her, he wanted her because he was in love with her, his heart desired her and she was the one in his eyes. What about their sex? Not something you wanted to think about, but in this case it was perfectly fucking valid.
He'd been having sex with you, and with her? Or he'd just have sex with you, and do the couple things with her? God. He was crazy. She would question him, you would never get away with this. He'd have two people on the go. You didn't want to be reduced to that. You didn't want to sneak around, you didn't want to be in a sexual relationship with a taken man!
"What you're suggesting will make you lose one of us, maybe even both of us" You told him, pulling your hands away from your face and his eyes widened when he spotted the tears "If she leaves you... when she finds out about us, because she will, you are going to resent me. Every time you see me, you're going to be filled with guilt, and hatred, and you'd be eating yourself up about what you've done, and you will never want to lay your eyes on me again"
His hands cupped your face, brushing his thumbs under your eyes, only to allow access for the other tears that were waiting their turn to run down your cheeks. You felt so much at once. Confusion, anger, frustration, guilt. You wanted to hate yourself for crying, but you felt like you had every fucking right to in this situation.
"I really wish that you could understand how I feel" He told you, and he pressed his forehead against your own. You let him "I wish that you could see my thought process behind all this. I don't think you would be able to understand it because I sure as hell don't... but it would give you a better look on what I feel about you, and why it's so complicated between us"
"It's complicated because of what we did" You referred to the offer he made. The offer that you should have never let happen. His nose brushed your own, you let him.
"We can figure it out..." He pulled you closer, and you let him "We always do. We always, always figure shit out together. It's you and me, always"
"Please... please don't make promises you can't keep. Not now, not in this situation" You shook your head, not bothering to hide the way that even more tears were now falling "I can't, Guk I... I don't want to lose you" 
"You won't, baby" He kissed your nose, and you let him "You won't. I'm not going anywhere. I'm yours. I'm yours, and you're mine"
Finally, he kissed you, and you let him. 
Your hands reached his chest instantly, pushing him, but not hard enough to push away. You didn't want to push him away, and yet you did. How could something be so bittersweet? You let him kiss you, you let him move his lips against your own and you let him touch your tongue with his own as you felt him mix the tears that you had shed. You didn't care. You didn't care that your mind was protesting against you, telling you that you were a bad person. You didn't care when you had images of him and her together, despite the fact that he was here with you right now. You didn't care that things were so fucked up between you and your best friend.
Not anymore, you were done caring. You were done trying to make things right, because things weren't right. Not since the first time you kissed, not since the first time you had sex, and definitely not since the first time you agreed to help him win his girlfriend back. 
Fuck her. It was wrong, but you blamed her. You were done blaming Jeongguk, you were done blaming yourself. It was all of you, all three of you that had fucked things up. Her for breaking his heart, him trying to use you to get her back, and you for wanting to do your best in making him happy. You're all fucking idiots.
You were an idiot for the way that you pressed your body against his own, gripping his face, daring him to pull away from you. He didn't, instead he busied his hands with the zipper of your dress and you fucking let him. He groaned when you dug your nails into the side of his face, causing him to buck his hips against your own and you felt his cock hardening. You did that to him. He desired you. 
What if she thinks we're doing it behind her back?
The thought made you bite his lip and he pulled away, looking down at you. His face was flushed, his eyes rolling down your body and his lips were almost swollen, a small red mark was evidence of you using your teeth. You spun around, pushing him on the bed as he sat down, not leaving your eyes once. He was taking too fucking long, too long for your liking, so you took matters into your own hands and unzipped your dress. It pooled at your feet, and his hands twitched at his side. 
No, you were done teasing. You actually had no intention of teasing tonight. So you kissed him again, and he reached behind you to unclip your bra before throwing it to the side and out of the way. He said he was going to pay more attention to your chest, and that's exactly what he did. He made sure to kiss and suck each bud, both of them rock solid by the time he was finished as you were a moaning mess. He pinched them both, watching your reaction and his cock twitched at the way you bit your lip.
Fuck, he craved you.
He pulled you forwards, spinning you around again so you were lying on the bed underneath him, your lips reattached. It almost, almost felt right. It would never feel whole, not with her at the back of your mind. So why did the wrong elements make you feel so fucking good? Knowing that he was here with you, kissing you, rubbing his rock hard cock against your leg while his hand gripped one of your breasts—when she was the one he was supposedly in love with. Was she wondering where he was right now? Or was she fast asleep knowing that he loved and cherished her.
It was stupid. It wasn't love. He wouldn't be groaning against your lips if it was love. Whatever it was, he could figure it out another fucking time, because right now you wanted to be selfish. You wanted him to make you feel good, because he had told you he desired you, which meant you turned him on. Who was the last person that said they desired you? You couldn't remember.
He pulled away from your lips, reaching his hand back and grabbing the neckline of his shirt before pulling it off. His sweatpants were next, and you managed to do it while kissing and you gasped into his mouth when he didn't waste anytime in rolling his groin against your cunt. 
"You feel how hard you make me, baby?" He questioned, pulling away from your mouth to roll his hips again, watching your reaction "You do this to me. This is what happens to me when I remember what it feels like to be inside you.. to taste you" Fuck.
He did a third time, this time harder than the previous two and your head fell back into the pillow. He kissed your neck, and you pushed him further into you causing him to nibble below your jaw. It was euphoric, and you couldn't think why the other times never felt like this. 
"Please don't tease.." You hated that you had to ask this, but it was necessary.
He moved away from your neck and kissed you again, pecking you three times before moving his hands down to your panties, hooking his fingers in the sides and pulling them down your legs. You sighed at the feeling of his tattooed hand instantly reaching to your folds, tracing two fingers on the outside while his middle one dipped inside. The tip ghosted your entrance, and you groaned making him glance at you.
"I got you, baby" He told you, pecking you on the lips once more "I got you.."
Your eyes widened as his middle finger sunk all the way into your entrance, and he placed his free hand around your neck at the same time. Oh. You had told him you liked this at the start when you discussed likes and dislikes, but he had never done it before now. There wasn't much pressure, but just the knowledge and sight of his hand wrapped around your throat made your walls clench around his finger.
He began to move in and out, not slow but not fast enough. You shut up your eyes and held his wrist and he watched you carefully. He picked up the pace slightly, moving his finger faster and he squeezed your neck once. He did it so quickly you almost would have missed it, but it was your nails in his wrist that kept you grounded. 
You moved your hips slightly to the rhythm of his thrusts and whimpered slightly when he squeezed your neck once more. He was driving you insane.
Your eyes flew open again at the feeling of his second finger joining the movement, and the third time he squeezed your throat he kept the pressure there. Now he wasn't holding back, and it hadn't taken you long to get so worked up like this. Your moans were breathy, and you looked at him to see that he was focussed on the hand that was around your neck.
Maybe he was worried he was squeezing too hard, but he was holding you just perfectly. The speed that his fingers were moving in and out of you, combined with the way his fingers marked your throat it was driving you fucking insane. You reached your hands up to bring him down closer, and he let you. You kissed him, it was messy considering your concentration wasn't all there but Jeongguk didn't care. He was just happy to be kissing you. Touching you, making you feel good.
What if she thinks we're doing it behind her back?
His thumb swiped your clit and your hips jolted. He did it again, not even a second later and you gripped the sheets tightly and your lips fell from his own. Oh you were close, so fucking close. The pressure on your neck was no longer there, but his hand was still present. He moved his eyes down to where his fingers were inside you and he curled them when he thrusted in, knowing exactly where to hit.
"You're close, aren't you?" He asked, making you nod your head "You gonna cum all over my fingers? Shout my name so everyone knows who made you feel this fucking good?" You nodded again and gasped when he returned the pressure on your neck. 
"I'm so close.." He kissed you once more, speeding up his fingers as if that was even possible before whispering against your lips.
"Come for me, baby. Fucking come for me"
"Jungkook!"
With two of his fingers moving faster and harder, curling so they hit your g-spot, added with the pressure on your neck and his thumb brushing your clit, your eyes rolled back as you came. You saw white, and for a moment you felt light headed as the pleasure passed through your body. Legs twitching and hands practically ripping the sheets, you moaned his name and he watched as you felt apart underneath him. His fingers were being clenched, and he prayed that he didn't come in his boxers before he even got his dick in you.
The sight of you coming undone underneath him, his hand around your neck as his fingers moved around inside you was enough for him to get extremely worked up. He knew he wouldn't last long at all when he finally got inside you, but that was okay. At least he had made you feel good, at least he got to touch you and at least he got to hear you say his name like that.
What if she thinks we're doing it behind her back?
It took a minute, but he heard you whimper when he moved his fingers so he pulled out, licking the trace of you away. Afterwards, he moved his hand from your neck, noticing the skin was slightly red and he didn't hesitate to kiss it gently. Your eyes were closed, but you felt his lips ghost over the place his hand had previously been. You ran your nails gently across his shoulders, letting him know you were okay and that he hadn't hurt you. Was that his first time choking someone during sex? 
You didn't want to question him, not after the mind fucking blowing orgasm he just gave you. You could barely move, and your legs felt like jelly. So for the moment, you just relaxed as he pecked your neck, his fingers rubbing your hips just as gently. It was different, especially after the way he had fingered you and choked you, on top of the dirty talk. Talk about duality..
"Guk.." You whispered, feeling him hum against your neck "Guk. Guk, I'm okay"
He sighed. He stopped kissing your neck, but kept his forehead buried there, avoiding your face. You opened your eyes and pulled him closer, hands running through his hair as he lay on top of you. You held each other for a moment, feeling his soft breaths against your neck and you thought he had fallen asleep, despite the fact that you were sweaty and still breathing heavily.
You heard it before you felt it, and it almost set you off again. The quietest sniffle, before the drop of liquid that you knew wasn't your sweat. You closed your eyes once more, holding him against you more tightly as you refused to let him go. Everything was fucked.
You both bathed in each others presence, just for a moment. Your fingers in his hair relaxed him, the pulse that was in your neck relaxed him as it pumped against his head. He had ruined everything. Look how selfish he was being. Ruining his best friends life and the girl he loved. Why was his head so fucked up. Why did he have to make stupid decisions that put his friends in the middle of it all.
He pulled away, looking down at you and it was your turn to wipe underneath his eyes. 
"I'm sorry.." He told you, looking at you "I'm gonna make this work. I'm gonna sort my fucking head out. I'm gonna fix things, I'm gonna make things right. They're not okay right now, but that's fine. It's not uncontrollable just yet" He closed his eyes as you brought him forwards, resting your foreheads together.
"It's okay to want something" You told him, making sure to get rid of the new tears that escaped "It's also okay not to have everything under control. Life isn't perfect, Guk, and none of us are. We all make mistakes, we all want things we can't have and we all have to make decisions that are the hardest to make. We're making a mistake right now. You want something you can't have and you're going to have to face a decision soon. Firstly you need time. You need to think, and you need space. No influences, no one distracting you and no one choosing for you. Coming to terms with it all will be the hardest, but you're gonna be able to do it"
Gratitude. He had constantly felt gratitude for you. Growing up together, you did everything to make sure he was happy. You looked out for him, and in return he did the same. It was easy growing up with you, and it was easy being around you. He didn't deserve you. Not after everything he's made you do. Things that were said, the way he acted. He had become a different person, he was barely recognisable to himself. So why were you still here with him?
He kissed you again, and it was softer. Much softer than any kiss you have ever shared together. It was slow, but it felt meaningful and it felt like he was apologising for everything. You felt for him in that moment, because he wasn't being selfish. He was just someone who was given too much at once, and now he was stuck between choosing one or the other. No, it wasn't choosing between you or her. It was choosing what he wanted to do.
Did he truly want to be with her? Was it really her that was made for him like he thought? She can't be, because otherwise he wouldn't be here with you right now. As for you, well he couldn't see that with you either. Even after you shared these moments with each other, he was still your best friend, and he was always going to look out for you in that way.
He couldn't lose you, not after everything. It was so easy with you. You understood him, you stuck with him, but he couldn't imagine calling you his. Which is why it was so difficult when it came to stuff like this. He didn't want anyone touching you like this. Seeing you like this. Only him, just him, but it was unfair to keep you in that way. 
He had no idea what to do.
"Make love to me" You told him, pulling away and he stared at you for a moment "Even if... even if it won't be that type of love, we can still pretend can't we? Although it'll still be some type of love, because you love me as your best friend" He nodded almost instantly, feeling you wipe away the last tear he shed. 
"We're gonna figure this out aren't we?" He kissed you once more, and you nodded against him.
"Yes. Yes, we will, I promise"
He got rid of his boxers, resting his body on top of yours. The kiss wasn't gentle, not anymore, and it was almost as if you hadn't shared that moment with each other. He gripped you everywhere, and groaned against your lips when you bucked your hips upwards. He was yours in this moment. He was yours to hold, to kiss and to touch, and you were his.
"Can I fuck you raw?" He questioned against your lips, and you held his face "Please, fuck—please let me fuck you raw. I'm clean, I swear, I've used a condom with everyone I've been with. I wanna fucking feel you"
You kissed him to shut up him. You were clean. He was also the last person you slept with, and you had used condoms. You didn't have an IUD but you did have morning after pills as backup in your bathroom. You had only used them once before and they were effective, but right now you just wanted to feel him. You wanted him.
He grabbed his cock, rubbing it against your folds and you held his arms tighter. You could feel him everywhere and no where at the same time, your core was aching to have him inside you, especially with nothing between you. Your prayers were answered as he pushed his tip inside, sliding in easily thanks to your previous orgasm and you arched your back off of the bed.
He clearly wasn't wasting anytime and you were glad, because he kept pushing and pushing until he was all the way inside, and he leaned over you with his hands pressed on either side of your head. He glanced down at you, seeing your eyes closed and he felt your hands gripping his waist. He attached your lips again, feeling you clench around his cock causing him to buck his hips.
He pulled out, all the way out until his tip was the only thing you held onto. Jeongguk didn't want this to end, didn't want to blow his load just yet but when he slid back until he was inside of you again, he nearly did when his lips muffled the whimper you let out. He rested on his elbows, kissing you more desperately now and moved out before sliding back in just as quickly.
Your legs were around his waist now, arms wrapped around his neck as he kissed you, groaning and gasping against you. He picked up the pace, sliding out of you and pushing himself back in just as fast. Your chests were together and it felt so intimate, so close, and you gripped him just a bit tighter. No, he was yours in this moment. Even if he would never be yours, you could still pretend. Just for a little while.
What if she thinks we're doing it behind her back?
Clearly all his restraint was gone by now, because he was moving so quickly in and out of you it was difficult to understand how he kept up the pace when you were losing all control over your body. He was well and truly slamming against you now, and each thrust felt fucking fantastic to your body. His lips were gone from your own by now, your ear managing to get all the attention as you heard him groaning into them.
“I’m gonna stuff you to the brim with my cum, so everyone who wants you knows that you’re unavailable” He told you, and you gasped at his words. Fuck. Earlier you had told him that he couldn't make those decisions for you, but why did it feel so good when he said it this time?
"Don't stop.." You weren't sure what you were asking for. His movements, his words, his presence, they were all overwhelming right now and you weren't sure that you could ever get over this.
“You were made for me” He whispered, jolting slightly as you clenched him harder “Made to take my cock. No one is gonna touch you like me. No one can make you feel the way I do. I meant it. He cant touch you like this. No one can, not after me” 
"Fuck—" Your head fell backwards against the pillow, and he kissed your neck once it was available. His teeth grazed your skin and you gripped his hair just as hard as he was thrusting into you.
"So good for me, baby" He praised and you almost saw stars when he hit that spot "So good for me. Never wanna stop fucking you"
You wanted to tell him to move faster, harder, but he was already at his limit. It was delicious, and you were addicted. His cock was hitting you where you needed, at the spot that was most effective for you and his hips clearly had no intention of slowing down or going gentle. You didn't want him to.
"I'm gonna cum" A warning.
"Gonna make you cum so hard for me" He kissed you again, and at this point your lips were nearly sore "I want it. Please, baby, give it to me. Cum for me"
Three more mind blowing thrusts and you were coming undone underneath him. You were thankful, so fucking thankful that he didn't move away from your lips because you could have sworn that you would have screamed and woken everyone up. Oh, it was so fucking good. Your walls clenched him and Jeongguk groaned once more, knowing that you were cumming around him and he felt everything. You did see white, and despite the sensitivity that was beginning to build he carried on thrusting into you just as hard.
Your arms fell to your side, feeling completely wiped out. You were breathing heavily now, body moving by his thrusts and he didn't move away or slow down. It was getting too much, now that you had let it go you were sensitive and uncomfortable, your body overheating but he didn't stop. His grunts were getting louder, and his movements sloppier. 
He moved away from you, straightening his back and placing your legs over his shoulders. You let him. You watched him grip your thighs, using them as leverage to thrust harder against you. By this point, the sensitivity had kicked in and it was nearly painful for you. 
"Give me one more" He grunted, using one of his hands to circle your clit which caused you to reach out for him "Give me one more, I know you can"
"I—Guk, I can't" 
"You can" He lent forwards again, pecking your lips "You can, and you will"
His fingers were rubbing against your clit faster and your nails dug into his wrist. You gasped against his lips, feeling his cock twitch inside of you and he was close. You decided to give him more one, allowing him to rub your clit at the speed of his thrusts despite your body screaming at you. It was surprising at how fast you did cum again, and your hips were uncontrollable at this point, as they twitched from the overstimulation. 
You both moaned against each other, and when you bit his lip as your walls clenched around him, he practically fell on top of you as he came inside you. Jeongguk's own hips stuttered, chasing out his orgasm, and sighed at the feeling of his release filling you. You felt it all, and you felt some of it escape alongside your own, despite the fact that he was still buried deep inside you.
You both panted, and you allowed him to rest on top of you, his head moving to your neck where he rested for a moment. His cock and his cum were still inside you, mixing with your arousal and the three orgasms you had had tonight. How could you let this go now..
You shut your eyes for a moment, feeling exhausted. You couldn't sleep, not just yet, but it was still good to bathe in the aftermath of what happened. Despite the fact that it was wrong, despite the fact that he shouldn't be here, despite the fact that everything between you was ruined. You allowed yourself to be selfish, just for a moment longer.
“You should.." No. Don't ruin it. "You should get back. She might wonder where you are”
“I will just—not now, not yet. I'm okay here” Thank you.
After a few minutes of lying on top of you, keeping his now softened cock inside you, he pulled out causing you to clench your jaw at the feeling. He lay beside you, both facing the ceiling as you gained your breath back. There was no going back after this. Just like he had said when you first had sex. But you both carried through with it. Now look where you were.
The dread kicked in, the weight of everything you had worried about took over and you let a tear fall as he sat up, swinging his legs off of the bed. He sighed for a moment, hand running through his hair before standing up and dressing himself. It took a moment, and it was silent between the both of you. You lay on the bed, still bare as the day you were born as you sobbed quietly to yourself.
No comfort came, no words shared. He heard you sniffle. Once, then twice, then a third time and he did nothing. Just placed his shirt over his head before glancing down at you, seeing the red cheeks and the tears. He didn't know what to say, not anymore, not after that. 
So he spared you one last glance, before walking out of your bedroom, leaving you behind.
You heard the front door shut, your empty house becoming even emptier now you were left to deal with the consequences on your own. Hurt. You were so fucking hurt.
So many people to blame, so many things going wrong, and now you were left in the dark with nothing. Nothing but the presence of the tears that continued to fall down your cheeks as you sobbed, and you let them.
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