sootstudies

[sootstudies]

bangla

I am five, a child, when I interrupt my mother. ‘That’s not how you say it. You’re wrong.’ There is embarrassment on my cheeks, it’s colouring my face red. Red: the colour of anger, and shame, and everything bad to have ever happened in the world. Why can’t she say it properly? It’s just one word.

I am eight, a bit older. I’ve just learnt a new word at school today. It was a big word. I’m proud of myself. I was getting rid of my accent. I no longer speak like I go to a Bangla Medium school. I go to a nice English medium school and I’m not like other Bangladeshi students. Red symbolises hate, and that is exactly what I feel towards my country. I want to go abroad. I want to be ‘বিদেশি’. I want fairer skin and lighter hair. In a bit more time I can leave Bangladesh and go abroad. Then I can finally leave this embarrassment of a country behind.

I’m twelve, I’m more mature than I’ve ever been. Bangla is totally lame. No one likes it. We just want to get it over with. There are illustrations of roses in my textbook. They are red. I’m bored in class, so I hastily colour over them with a blue highlighter. Red is the colour of contempt towards why time goes so slow during boring classes. Contempt at why we have to learn this difficult language if we aren’t gonna use it anyways. I am too ‘cool’ to care about bangla, and I just want class to end.

I’m fourteen. The teacher told me to read out loud from the book, and I seem to have forgotten the bangla for ‘1952’. Once again, embarrassment paints my cheeks red, but this time, it is different. Red, the colour of blood spilt over our language. The colour of the setting sun that should give us hope and the colour of our hard won independence. I have forgotten my identity, and I don’t know how to get it back.

I am fifteen. I saw someone say that Bangla was a stupid language. Nothing compared to Urdu. The West Pakistanis should have won. I see red. Red is the colour of anger. Red is the colour of love and pride. I am a Bangladeshi and my language is my identity. Without it, I am no one. I have no home. I am as lost as a blind man stumbling over the hot sands of a desert.

Today, I lay in bed, with sweet strums of the harmonium playing from my laptop. I start to zone out, and the familiar poetic lilt of Bangla fills the room. ‘কতবার ভেবেছিনু আপনা ভুলিয়া’ It’s one of my favourite songs. I smile, absentmindedly mouthing the lyrics. Rabindranath and Nazrul did not work so hard for me to neglect the beauty of Bangla. I refuse to. I belong to Bangla, and I have from the moment I was born, and will till the moment I die.

[sootstudies]

this is the perfect grade of good luck

reblog in 5 seconds and all of your grades will inch ever closer to perfect

[sootstudies]

3 am doodles

[sootstudies]

life lately

[sootstudies]

I wonder why we crave infinity so badly. All of our lives are centered so often around legacy, around meaning and profoundness not because they are important to us now, but because they are infinite concepts that we concern our time with. As I glance out my window in my studio, watching time pass by I find there to be such beauty in the temporary nature of existence. The ideas behind principles, morals and ideals I don't have any particular issue with. Life void of meaning is too uncomfortable for us to live. Rather, it is the idea that once we establish something it must last that makes me revolt. Decay may not be beautiful, but often it's necessary. Destroying is another act of creation, if only because it makes room for a new creation.

[sootstudies]

Busy reading papers today. Some of this is refresher for me since I seemingly forgot about QTL and LD from class (oops), but majority is completely new to me. I’m at that stage in learning where it’s obvious to me how little I know, which hopefully means I’m about to have a tiny breakthrough 💡 Gonna finish up data visualization for lab tonight after work - wish me luck!

[sootstudies]

received my shirt for NASA Aerospace Scholars <3

while i'm still in college, i've already felt accepted by the space/NASA community. i begin part two of aerospace scholars next week, am awaiting on confirmation of my recent research on solar proton events from the international astronomical federation, and continuing my internships and research for NASA.

i love being in aerospace engineering and physics because i want to inspire the next generation of women scientists and engineers. ad astra!

[sootstudies]

if you ever feel like you're not "smart enough" for STEM or didn't do that great in school, i just wanna let you know that i failed algebra 2 THREE TIMES and dropped my high school physics class the FIRST WEEK...

and NASA chose me to student research with them.

so what i'm trying to say is that STEM is for EVERYONE. if school wasn't the easiest for you and you're not the strongest in math, don't let that stop you from pursuing STEM. working hard for goals makes you a great scientist.

screw that stereotype that all STEM majors are geniuses who were building robots and knew how to work a microscope at 3 years old.

STEM IS FOR EVERYONE! BECOME A FREAKING SCIENTIST! YOU CAN DO IT!

[sootstudies]

- simulation time! -

we have finally started doing numerical tests for stability so catch me running 100s of tests to even see if a rogue wave is created. it’s so nice today i hate to stay inside but it ees what it ees.

[sootstudies]

mom what are these hieroglyphics

[sootstudies]

that crunchy vibe that 70s/80s movies have that modern movies simply cannot capture… that kind of quiet empty vibe to em that can be played for either bleakness or a peaceful energy… why do all modern movies (even the great and pretty ones) feel overproduced after watching an older film. what is it I can’t put my finger on it but it’s there I can feel it

[sootstudies]

your notes are so <3

18.10.21

today was what I'd call an average day

had a chemistry exam in the morning

wave optics and integration lectures

chemistry binge that will continue into tomorrow

ended with practice problems

remember to stay hydrated, take a break, and yes, Taylor Swift helps me practice problems more than any other music

[the pics are in black and white because why not?]

[sootstudies]

“I had tea. I then spent a long time in a bookshop. A quiet evening.”

— Virginia Woolf, from a diary entry featured in “A Passionate Apprentice,” (via poetic–rose)

[sootstudies]

mon, 2501

organic nomenclature + transpiration for botany

#100 days of productivity #100dp #chemistry #new studyblr #notes #physicsblr #study motivation #studyspo #studying #stationery #stemblr #biology #biology notes #botany #organic chemistry

[sootstudies]