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alex: You know my motto: carpe diem, carpe noctem, carpe coles.

Julie: Seize the day, seize the night, what’s the last one?

alex: Seize the dick

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I can't 🤣

Harley: There’s a drug dealer who’s a barber that lives down the street and he’s actually getting arrested right now

Tony: Really?

Peter: Yeah, I’ve been going to him for years

Peter: Did you know he was a barber?

Harley: No idea

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Just a friendly reminder that Autistic/ADHD people travel in packs, so if everyone in your friend group is Autistic/ADHD... I hate to break it to you, but so are you :) Welcome to the club!.

Happy ADHD Awareness Month!

#autism #autism awareness #autism acceptance #neurodivergent #asd #adhd #adhd awareness

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What's the bet that the people hating on Tom for the gay s3x scene in The Crowded Room are the same people who write gay Peter Parker smut?

#peter parker fluff #peter parker #Tom Holland #penis parker

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OMG I haven't been on Tumblr in a couple years but omg these comments are fucking hilarious. Also, over 3K likes? damn, ty!

It’s really sad because Peter Parker obviously is a gen z kid and knows ALLLLL the memes and vines and slang BUT TOM HOLLAND DOESN’T FUCKING KNOW ANYTHING. HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT YEET MEANS.

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Movie Blog?

Hi... so I'm kind of thinking about starting a blog, like a "journalism" kind of blog (but not really journalism coz sometimes those people are jerks), but like a blog where I write about movies I really like. Most of the movies and shows I'll write about will be on Disney plus since that's really the only sub service I have access to. I already have a couple pre-written so I have a head start (I'm terrible at keeping a schedule) but I need a title for the blog.

This is something I really wanna take as seriously as one can take a Tumblr blog but I can't think of any title names... Anybody have any ideas? I'll credit I promise <3

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I’m not sure if anyone wants to see this but here’s Alternate Harry Potter titles from Tom Felton’s perspective

Tom Felton and The First Role Where He's An Asshole Tom Felton and The Iconic Improvised Line Tom Felton and The Year He Hit Puberty Tom Felton and The Year He Hadn't Changed A Bit Tom Felton and The Year He Couldn't Pretend To Be Mean Tom Felton and The Year He Had To Act Another Emotion Other Than Disgust Or Anger Tom Felton and The Year He Found Out Draco Was A Softie Really Tom Felton and The Year His Haircut Really Didn't Suit His Gigantic Forehead Tom Felton and The Year His Haircut Really Didn't Suit His Gigantic Forehead Part 2

#Tom felton #dracomalfoy #draco malfoy #dracotok #harry potter

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Alternate Harry Potter Titles from Draco Malfoy’s Perspective

I’ve seen this meme of Harry Potter Titles from Draco’s perspective so I decided to write some of my own! Ft some Among Us puns

Philospher’s Stone: Draco Malfoy and The Trolls In His Common Room Chamber of Secrets: Draco Malfoy and The Common Room Imposters Prisoner Of Azkaban: Draco Malfoy and The Many Minor Injuries Goblet of Fire: Draco Malfoy and The Tree He Sits in Order of The Phoenix: Draco Malfoy and The Year Slytherin is Finally Superior Half Blood Prince: Draco Malfoy and The Traumatising Murder Task Deathly Hallows Part 1: Draco Malfoy and The Realisation That This Is Child Abuse Deathly Hallows Part 2: Draco Malfoy and The Toxic Family Escape Alternate Chamber of Secrets: Draco Malfoy and His Minions Do Be Kinda Sus Tho

Tom Felton Edition coming up

#tom felton #draco malfoy #draco malfoy smut #harry potter

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My brother’s 28 and he knows what Yeet means. 

It’s really sad because Peter Parker obviously is a gen z kid and knows ALLLLL the memes and vines and slang BUT TOM HOLLAND DOESN’T FUCKING KNOW ANYTHING. HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT YEET MEANS.

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It’s really sad because Peter Parker obviously is a gen z kid and knows ALLLLL the memes and vines and slang BUT TOM HOLLAND DOESN’T FUCKING KNOW ANYTHING. HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT YEET MEANS.

#Peter Parker #Spiderman Homecoming #Tony Stark #IronDad #Spiderson #Penis Parker #Peter Parker fluff #Peter Parker smut #Marvel #MCU #meme #memes #vines

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holy shit 

just blessing ur feed w some shirtless tom

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and wITHOUT A SCRIPT! I-

Reblog if you agree that Tom Holland deserves a fucking Oscar for making everyone in Infinity War bawl their damn eyes out.

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Ok... pregnancy pranks as a whole aren’t that bad... if it’s on your family and you know they would be mad about you being pregnant. But faking being sick for WEEKS and telling him you’re pregnant KNOWING that he wants one... THAT is fucked up 

Pregnancy Prank Breakup

Descr: Cause nobody with a normal brain likes pranks like that. It’s manipulative as f*ck. Thanks, bye.

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x unknown

Warnings: ANGST, manipulative behaviour, ill intent

M A S T E R L I S T

In the last weeks his girlfriends health had weirdly declined. She constantly felt exhausted, felt sick a lot and worked from the bed most of the time. He was getting concerned about it. Maybe she was under too much stress or had an inflammation somewhere in her body.

*How do you feel today babe?* was sent in the middle of a meeting that made him more tired than the two before that one. *Very nauseous :c* came back and it really hurt him to read those two words. He never saw her that sick over a period this long and it occupied his mind more and more every day. *You really need to see a doctor* was quickly typed and sent. *I know. Come home first tho.* was the only answer he got before he needed to concentrate again. Well, concentrate as best as he could with all that concern building up in his mind.

Keep reading

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dude I relate to this girl, my brother is “friends” (I put it in quotes because he doesn’t like people so idk if he’d consider him a friend or an acquaintance) with this dude who looks like Harrison Osterfield and he’s SUPER cute and idk how old he is but my brother is 10 years older than me so if this cute guy is the same age as my brother I’m in DEEEPPPP shit... Not that I’d ever go for it because I’m definitely not his type, I’m not anyone’s type but it’s whatever. I can continue admiring from afar

oml i don’t know if you know the actor named mena massoud (aladdin) but pretty much theres this guy at the coffee shop i do homework at and he always smiles at me and i had a dream about him where we became good friends after he spilled coffee on me and then he like managed to get tickets to meet the actor himself and at the end, i ended up kissing the guy and im like 🥺🥺🥺 i woke up but like oml this guy is so fucking cute what should i do ,, im seeing him tomorrow we always go the same day

–– oop i guess you have NO CHOICE but to make him fall in love with you. or get a story out of this. all the best! 💛

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bRO you literally could have said ANYTHING ELSE! “It’s my brother’s” “it was my dad’s” dkfnvk RIP

okay idk if you remember i sent in an ask about the aladdin guy ... pretty much im at starbucks today and the look-a-like saw me wearing a state sweater and asked me if i went there. i was like ‘i dont, i go to community’ and hes like ‘oh thats awesome!’ and i fucking fumbled and was like ‘its my boyfriends’ (i dont have a fucking bf) and hes like ‘aw cute’ and he had to go and get something from his car and now im pissed at myself bc i may have ruined my chance fuck idk what to do - 🥺

BOO, WHY DID YOU SAY THAAAT?????!!!??!??! of all the things!! aldfakldajs lol i am so sorry lol u did ur best

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i am so confused right now....

Hello, it's me.

Haz is in the hooooouuuuse.

Hello my beauties. Good evening. And welcome to Smutty Monday.

What have I got myself in for? 🙈

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There is no reason woman should be payed less for doing the same job!