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ssa-sapphic · 18 days

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Tastes Like Sugar (ch. 31)

Summary: India Mae, or Indi, is a music major, struggling to pay bills, tuition, work, and make good grades. Emily Prentiss is a BAU profiler, as well as a DC socialite thanks to her huge family fortune. The two enter into a mutually beneficial arrangement: Emily will pay for Indi's school if Indi accompanies Emily to her social functions for a few months, posing as her girlfriend. As weeks go by, the lines between their arrangement and their true feelings start to blur. But money can't buy love, right?

Pairing: India Mae Banks x Emily Prentiss; OC x Emily Prentiss

Warnings: smut; sugar baby relationships; age gap (16 years - but all over 18)

Word Count: 2.3 k

Read on Wattpad | Ao3 | Previous Chapters

Taglist: @ssa-sapphic 🧸; @5raysofsunshine 🌮; @reidselle 🦭; @swiftfiles 🐝💚; @gaelic-symphony 🎻 ; @sadgirlml 🌻💌; @hotchs-bitch🦆 ; @multiverse-mxdness ; @madelineleong ; @scorpsik 🎨

Chapter 31 - Sweet Harmony

Emily's POV: We raced home, her in the Audi, me hot on her trail in my own car. I hated to separate, but I understood the necessity of having both cars at home. I had started to lead the way home, but Indi lagged behind me, uncomfortable driving so fast. My hands tightened and wound around the wheel, desperate to be home and have her back in my arms. "Come on, Indi," I whispered to myself, willing her to drive faster. Hadn't I waited long enough for her to be back home?

When we finally arrived home, I smiled at her pulling her new car into her spot of the garage. I parked as quickly as possible, flying around the back of my car to pull her door open for her. I kissed her deeply, pulling her bag from her hand. "Welcome home," I whispered against her lips.

She smiled up at me, cupping my cheek. "I'm sorry I left in the first place." Her words sobered me, and she could see my eyes tighten at the memory of her fleeing. "Should we talk about this more?"

"I think that's a good idea." I placed a quick kiss to her forehead and then picked up her bag to carry it inside for her. I grabbed her hand, "Come on you."

"Should we make cocoa?" she asked softly.

"It's August…"

She shrank, shoulders hunching slightly, eyes reticent. Softly, "My mom always made cocoa for big talks."

I warmed at the thought of her sharing a family tradition with me; Indi was always so tentative sharing things about her family. "Of course we can, sweetheart."

Silently, we made cocoa together, unsure what to say. I didn't know if we could start talking about what happened before the cocoa was done. Previously, our silences had never been awkward – time with Indi was always peaceful. But now, with this big thing looming over our heads, I wasn't sure where we stood. I had been certain that her kissing me and telling me she loved me back had meant that she was sorry for running again, but the air around us was tense. Never before had I felt so uneasy in her presence. I felt us approaching a precipice, but what came next, I wasn't sure.

We moved into the living room, settling into opposite ends of the couch.

"I'm sorry," she started.

I promised myself I wasn't going to brush off how her leaving affected me. I fought back the urge to sweep it under the rug and bottle up my feelings. Our future was too important to me to hide how this impacted me. I tried to quiet the part of me screaming to throw walls back up and shut her out. I swallowed the knee-jerk response it's okay. Because it wasn't. India's go-to was to just run when things got tough. "Why'd you run?"

She cringed slightly, and took a sip of her cocoa as she thought about her response. "I don't know," she said softly. "I'm struggling to believe I'm worth this." I opened my mouth to tell her she was worth everything in the universe, but she interrupted me. "And don't say it's just money."

"It is though, Indi. Let me just put this in perspective for you. What you give me, I can't buy. You are priceless, India Mae. Money means nothing to me because I'll always be financially secure. I have a multi-million dollar trust fund, millions in liquid assets, and an additional few million in stocks and real estate." Her eyes widened impossibly large.

Before she had time to respond, I continued. "Money can't buy what I want, Indi. I thought I could try when Rossi signed me up for SugarBook, but you are priceless to me, baby." I swallowed thickly, again fighting the urge to board up my windows and shut down. My heart beat wildly in my chest at the vulnerability I was about to show. Near whispering I said, "Money doesn't mean anything when all you want is love. And you love me so wholly."

I grabbed her mug, setting it on the coffee table. Taking her hands in mine, I blinked tears back, embarrassed at how quickly our conversation turned. "No one has ever accepted me just as I am. Growing up, I never felt like I was enough for my family. I never was anywhere long enough to make a meaningful connection. And as I got older, I stopped trying to make friends. Because it hurt so bad to pick up and move again and never see them again.

"And then when I was in the CIA, I wasn't allowed to be me. And now," I swallowed again, trying to compose myself. "You love me, Indi. I never hid who I was with you. And you won't ever know how valuable that is to me."

Her thumb softly wiped at my tears, endless tenderness and sympathy in her eyes. And finally, understanding. "Money doesn't mean anything to me, not when I have the most precious thing I could ask for," I said, squeezing her hand. "But baby you deserve anything your heart desires. It's nothing for me to buy you what you deserve. I have the means to buy you whatever you want."

"I love you so much." My heart swelled again at her admission. I wasn't sure the excitement of her saying it would ever lessen. "I just couldn't fathom why you love me," she admitted. "I thought I had nothing to give you." I shook my head, but let her continue. "I'm not worldly like you. I'm not educated like you. I come from nothing. But to hear you say that you love me because I'm enough? I'm just-" She shook her head in disbelief. "Well, I just don't know what to say. It sounds too good to be true."

She took a steadying breath and looked me deep in the eyes. Unwaveringly, she said, "And to know that all you want is that love and support? Well it's all I want too. You, as you are, are it for me, Em. I never thought I could love someone so much."

"What was it that pushed you over? I thought we had worked this out. When we were in Florida? Or even way back in March or April. Remember? We were out to lunch at that cafe you love? I told you how much you deserve to be spoiled and you seemed to accept it then. What happened?"

"I don't know, Emily," she said resigned. "Wait!" she interrupted her own train of thought. "I remember that day in the cafe. Why do you?"

I paused, unsure if I should share how deeply I loved her from the start. "That's when I knew you were it for me. That's when I knew I wouldn't want anyone else."

A slow smile spread over her face. "I remember it for the same reason, babe."

My heart warmed that she had known so early, as well. "I thought we settled it then: you deserve to be spoiled. I just want you to have everything you want."

"All I want is you," she admitted softly.

"Then stop running from this, from us," I begged. "You break my heart every time you leave," I confessed.

Guilt flashed in her eyes. "Yesterday, I thought if I were the one to leave, it would be easier." I knew that feeling well. Every time I had broken things off with a girlfriend, I had thought similarly. Before Indi, I had never struggled to move on. Before yesterday, the thought of moving on had never been unbearable. "I thought if I were the one to leave, it would hurt less than when you finally realized you can do better than me."

"I've been there, Indi. You don't fake a relationship with an arms dealer without gaining a few scars. But you have to trust me, baby. I love you." I grabbed her face, brushing her wispy hairs back. "There is no one better than you. Please trust me. Trust us."

"I've learned my lesson, Em. When I was lying all alone in my bed, wishing I was in your arms." Her brows creased at the memory. "It hurt just as bad to be the one leaving, because it didn't matter that I left. All that mattered was that I wasn't with you."

My heart swelled, because, miraculously, she really did feel the same way. All this time I thought I needed to buy her time to get her to stay. Starting this relationship as a financial obligation hadn't helped my thinking that she was only here for what I could give her materially. But hearing her say that all she wanted was my love, me, had me reeling. All these months I wondered in the back of my mind what I could offer her besides money, and I always came up short. But to hear that we were enough as we were brought tears to my eyes.

"I guess I couldn't help but feel the same as you did." I heard her gasp softly in shock. "What could a young woman who has everything ahead of her want with me? I mean" - I pulled my hands back to pick at my nails - "I'm a workaholic in a job that poses great risk. I'm old, parts of me sag more than they used to, I'm graying, I-"

"Stop," she commanded. "You're gorgeous," she whispered reverently. She pulled my hands apart, soothing the sting from where I had picked at my cuticle. "I've never been attracted to anyone the way I am you. Please do not speak about yourself as if you aren't worthy of my love just because you're older than me."

And that's when it clicked. What this all boiled down to was that neither of us felt we deserved the other's love. That's what had to change here.

"It's hard for me to believe you could want me like that."

She smirked. "Don't I make how much I want you abundantly clear?"

I chuckled, always in awe of her libido. "Yes, I guess we're not lacking in that department, are we?"

"I'd say not," she agreed. "Though, I would be happy to show you how much I want you more frequently." She pushed me back against the couch, pretending like she was about to pounce. Instead she kissed me chastely and pushed my arm out, making room for herself in the crook of my arm. I scooted down the couch and pulled her into my side, settling her head on my chest. I kissed her forehead, grateful for her to be back here. "Just moving forward, we need to believe in each other."

"I will. I do," she amended, squeezing my hip.

I let her words linger around us, finally feeling at peace again. "Me too." I ran my fingers over her shoulder soothing myself at the repetitive movement. "Where do you see us in a year?" I mused.

"Exactly as we are. Exactly like this," she responded, twining her legs with mine. "Are we okay, then?" she asked timidly. "Do you see me in your future?"

"Angel, you are my future. I love you." I tipped her head up and kissed her softly, the angle slightly awkward.

"I love you too," she whispered, settling back into my arms.

"And where do you see yourself in a year? What do you want to do after graduation?"

"I don't know." She sighed as I started trailing my fingers down her back. "I've never had the luxury of being able to plan ahead. Maybe I'll try to find a teaching position…"

"I asked what do you want to do?"

She hummed, lost in thought. "I don't know…with you now, there are so many more options." She paused and then said, "Er, I'm not trying to take advantage of you. I just mean because of you, I've been able to save a lot more than I thought possible, and I feel like I don't have to take any teaching job that comes my way."

I chuckled softly. Maybe we had made some progress today, but my Indi would still be hesitant about money. "Dream world – you can do anything. Every job is open to you. What do you want to do?"

Without hesitation, she said, "I want to play for the DC symphony." I smiled, wheels already turning about who to contact to get her an audition.

"I think that's a perfect job for you."

"I think so, too," she said, a smile in her voice.

"Speaking of jobs," I said through a yawn, "Penelope starts her first day as the BAU's technical analyst at the end of this case."

"She got it?!" she asked excitedly.

"Mmhm," I hummed.

She exclaimed, "That bitch! She didn't tell me!"

"That she may be off the hook for. I'm not sure she knows yet; I think Hotch is going to tell her when they get back from this case."

This time it was her turn to yawn. "Okaaaaay," she sighed. Her yawn was contagious, and my eyes watered from my second yawn – my sleepless night catching up with me.

"I didn't sleep much last night," she admitted softly. "Can we just rest this evening?"

I kissed her on the forehead. Nothing sounded better. "Of course, angel. We can do whatever you'd like."

Indi snuggled deeper into my arms, her eyes drifting closed. "I love you," she murmured, and I drifted off with a soft smile and full heart.

- - -

a/n: aren't they just the cutest?

#ugh my heart 🥰🥹#I shared a lot of my thoughts with you already so for once I might not have a full novel of tags #BUT #i just want to say how much i love their ability to talk things out maturely before jumping straight back into things #assuring each other and making sure the other knows why they did what they did #it’s so refreshing in a way #idk i’m soo hooked on that #plus their insecurities were so realistic and i love how they responded to one another #idk it was just so soft and real and i loved every minute of it #especially ending it with snuggling ❤️‍🩹#it was just a perfect chapter and i’m so excited to see what else is in store now that they’re together again 😚#fic recs 📖#katie 🌬

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ssa-sapphic · 3 months

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Tastes Like Sugar (ch. 30)

Pairing: India Mae Banks x Emily Prentiss; OC x Emily Prentiss

Warnings: smut; sugar baby relationships; age gap (16 years - but all over 18)

Word Count: 3.7k

Read on Wattpad | Ao3 | Previous Chapters

Taglist: @ssa-sapphic 🧸; @5raysofsunshine 🌮; @reidselle 🦭; @swiftfiles 🐝💚; @gaelic-symphony 🎻 ; @sadgirlml 🌻💌; @hotchs-bitch 🦆 ; @multiverse-mxdness ; @madelineleong ; @scorpsik 🎨 ; @heidss

A/n: Watch out for POV shifting in this chapter!

Chapter 30 - Reconciliation

Indi's POV: I stared at the ceiling, my eyes uncomfortable from the ceiling fan drying them out. It was an insignificant ache compared to the one in my heart. Alone I laid. Aching for Emily's arms. With each whirl of the fan I was reminded of each minute passing without fixing what I had messed up.

My night in the city was horrible. It was unbearable to go to bed knowing I had ruined everything with Emily. And as I laid in my tiny bed in my tiny DC apartment, I couldn't help but be annoyed by the sound. Cars were constantly honking, people shouting at all hours of the night. How had I ever preferred this cacophony of meaningless noise? I missed the peaceful babble of the creek and Emily's soft breathing next to me.

As I continued to watch the fan swirl dust particles above my head, I couldn't help the tears that leaked from the corners of my eyes. How could I have left all of that behind? What did I stand to gain by running back to my old life in DC? But Emily was gone. She didn't stop me; she wanted me gone. I had overstayed my welcome in her life.

This was only supposed to be temporary I reminded myself.

Penelope let me be for the night, asking minimal questions about why I had returned home in shambles and tucking me into bed. The only measure of time was the rotations of the ceiling fan and, hours later, the sun peaking over the horizon. Still, I could not sleep. Penelope snuck around the apartment as she got ready for work, trying not to disturb me. Still, I remained tucked away in my bed staring at nothing.

When Penelope returned home from work, she burst through my door without knocking. "What's wrong?" she demanded. I didn't bother to look away from the ceiling, the evening light catching the crystal on the end of the fan pull, refracting the light. "Seriously. Talk to me. Derek said Emily called in today. Spill it."

A breath caught in the back of my throat. Why should Emily take off work? I didn't dare let myself believe it was because she was just as upset as me. But it hurt to think that she was hurting.

Penelope moved into the room and sat at the edge of my bed. "Indi you cannot stay holed up in your room sulking forever. What happened?"

I sat up, tucking my legs up to my chest and curling my arms around them. I opened my mouth to respond but I had no idea how to explain what happened. I laid my head on my knees and sighed.

"Did she touch you without permission?"

I whipped my head up in horror. "Of course not!"

"Then what? Take your money away?"

I shook my head. "It's nothing like that, Pen."

"Talk to me, Indi. I hate seeing you like this."

"She told me she loved me," I started.

"And that's bad because…?"

I sighed. "It isn't like how the tabloids have been showing it. This was all just supposed to be a way to get through school. I wasn't supposed to…" I trailed off unsure how much to share.

"You fell for her."

"Bad. I just don't belong in her world," I lamented. "I'm not good for her. And now she's never going to know how I feel because I left all because of a stupid car."

Penelope crinkled her eyebrows in confusion. "You lost me…"

"My car died. And Emily took care of everything. Like, she had it towed and had a mechanic look at it. And it was so so sweet of her. I was just so stressed about paying that bill so I was already on edge," I said without taking a breath. "And then when I got home from school yesterday, Emily had already bought me a brand new fucking Audi. Can you believe that? She's just throwing tens of thousands of dollars away, spending that kind of money on me without a second thought."

I paused, trying to figure out why this had been such an issue for me at all. "I just got overwhelmed. I'm not worth it, ya know? And I just got trapped in my head. Because how could Emily, perfect Emily, want anything to do with me? I'm-"

"But that isn't for you to decide, is it?" Penelope interrupted. "Shouldn't Emily get to decide what's worth it? To have in her life? To spend money on?"

"Yes," I whispered. "Yes, she should. I just can't fathom why she'd choose me. And I flipped out yesterday."

"Nothing's unfixable, Indi."

Tears leaked out of my eyes, overwhelmed with sadness again. "She didn't come after me, Pen." I pawed angrily at my tears, angry that they revealed how vulnerable I was truly feeling. "She just let me leave because she doesn't want this anymore." It all felt hopeless. Even though Penelope had said anything could be fixed, I just couldn't believe that this could. I'd messed up too badly.

"Did she tell you that?" she asked knowingly.

"She didn't have to." Penelope raised one eyebrow at me.

Before I could respond, Penelope exclaimed, "Wait! If your car died, how did you get here?"

I turned my head to stare at the car key sitting on my bedside table. I laughed dryly at the irony. Four, silver rings of the Audi logo shined back at me mockingly. I reached over and flashed the new key to Penelope.

"You owe Emily one hell of an apology," Penelope joked.

______________________________

Emily's POV: When the garage door closed after Indi, I flopped on the couch in defeat. She wouldn't even look at me as she scurried out of the house, bag in tow. And why should she? I had overstepped. I had scared her by telling her how I felt. We never agreed this was for love. How stupid I was to let my guard down and fall for her. After all, we had agreed what this was from the start. How could I expect her to feel the same for someone sixteen years older than her?

But how could I expect to be the same without her?

I looked around my empty house. She was everywhere; there wasn't a single inch of this place that wasn't marked by her. I thought about how on this very couch, we shared our first kiss, her thighs straddling mine. I let my eyes wander over to the kitchen island where countless times I had picked her up and sat her on the counter because I just couldn't stand to go a second longer without her lips on mine. I stared at the piano imagining all the times she sat there and how beautiful she was when she immersed herself in the music. Now, the only sound was the deafening tick of the clock passing each second she spent speeding away from me back towards her real home.

I couldn't stand to stare at the piano any longer. Just days ago she had sat on that very bench and played a song written for me. I shook my head at how foolish I had been to read more into it than was there. I remembered how mesmerized I had been by her fingers trailing over the keys, and how it led me to trail my own down her body as a thank you.

I stormed out of the room, sick at the memory. Sick at the realization she'd never be mine to touch like that again.

But she followed me like a ghost in my own home. When I laid down to sleep later that evening, I could still smell her on my sheets. I inhaled deeply, trying to absorb as much as I could. I wasn't one to cry, but Indi's absence left me desolate. Tears stained her pillow as I buried my face in it to be as close to her as possible. This was the closest I'd ever get to her again.

I barely slept that night, tossing and turning, mad at everything. Mad at the cold, empty sheets next to me. Mad at the universe for introducing such an angel into my life and then cruelly ripping her away. Mad at the crickets chirping away outside preventing me from falling asleep. Above all else, mad at myself for letting her walk out the door without protest.

All night, I wrestled with what it meant that she left. But she had left in the Audi. Was that her silent message that she'd be back? That she didn't hate me? I didn't dare let myself think it might mean she loved me too. But she left. Of course she wasn't coming back. She got what she wanted; she didn't need me anymore.

My phone ringing startled me awake around 6:15. Groggily, I rolled over to grab it, wondering how I had fallen asleep with such a heavy heart. "Hello?" I mumbled.

"Em!" JJ greeted. It sounded so wrong out of her mouth. She didn't say it right. It wasn't sweet like when Indi said it. It almost sounded condescending, even as a greeting at six in the morning. "We have a case."

I groaned, flopped on my back and put my hand over my eyes. No no no. I couldn't leave the state now. I had to make sure India was sure in her decision. Not to mention, I'd be absolutely useless right now. "No," I whispered. "I can't make this one. I'll call Hotch to tell him."

"What's wrong?" she asked. My skin crawled at the entitlement in her voice – like she deserved to know anything about my personal life.

"Nothing, JJ," I sighed. "Just leave it alone."

"I know something's wrong." Her voice softened, "You can talk to me; I'm still always here for you."

To shuffle her off the phone, I placated her, "Thanks, JJ. I'll keep that in mind."

"Is it her?" she asked with distaste. I refused to answer. "Look, we all went along with this for a while because you seemed happy. But what are you doing? You should be with someone a little more appropriate…you know, for your age."

A tear leaked from the corner of my eye. I know, I thought. Because India deserved someone who wasn't always jet setting across the country, someone who wasn't near two decades older than her. But there wasn't anyone better suited for me.

Changing the subject to avoid any further conversation with JJ, I reminded her, "I'll tell Hotch I'm calling out for this case," and hung up before she had a chance to say anything else.

I quickly sent a text to Hotch: Need time off. Calling out for this case.

It wouldn't have been unfair for him to question why, but I was thankful when he sent a simple: OK. I'm here for anything you may need.

I exhaled a sigh of relief. I tried to fall back asleep, but was incapable of shutting my mind off. Was it a mistake to call out? What if India didn't come back? Was I just supposed to call out the rest of my life waiting for her to love me back?

I laid in bed another forty-five minutes waiting for sleep to claim me again. I squeezed my eyes closed tightly, begging my mind to shut down long enough to get some sleep. But the harder I tried to quiet my thoughts, the more insistent they became.

I had to do something – anything – to distract my mind. I rolled out of bed and wandered into my office to draw. I grabbed my favorite sketchbook and pencil set. Immediately, my hand started flying over the page. Quick, dark, angry lines. I filled page after page of a dark horizon, storm clouds looming large over a tree line. I flipped to a clean page, begging myself to draw something less dramatic.

I considered drawing Indi, but I thought seeing her face looking back at mine, even if just a sketch, would hurt too badly. I sighed and set the pencil down. Sketching wasn't going to cut it today. I needed an outlet for this boiling anger inside me. I quickly tied my hair back, grabbed my gun and left for Quantico. I needed to hit the range.

Once I got there, I tried to sneak in the side door, curious if the team had left or if I'd run into them in the building. That would be horribly awkward to explain.

Once I made it to the shooting range safely, I clipped a paper target up and slid it back into place. The lingering smell of gunpowder was calming, familiar. I widened my stance, and lifted my gun, rapidly firing several rounds in a row. Before I knew it, I had emptied my clip into the chest of the target.

I fired bullet after bullet and loaded clip after clip, tearing the paper target to shreds. But none of my anger faded.

Who was I really angry with? When I tried to parse it out, I realized I wasn't angry at all. I was devastatingly, crushingly hurt. Was my love so repugnant that India would rather leave than be loved by me? Is that why everyone in my life always ended up leaving?

Of all the heartbreak I had had, none hurt like this. It was as if when she packed up her belongings, she reached in my chest and took my heart with her. It didn't matter though, because everything I had – everything I was – was India. Whether she returned my affection or not didn't matter. I would never love anyone like I did India Mae Banks.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. Hopeful it was Indi, I nearly dropped my gun to empty my hands as quickly as possible. Disappointment crashed over me when I saw it wasn't Indi calling, but my mother. I considered sending it to voicemail. After all, how could I possibly endure a conversation with JJ and my mother in the same day? Ultimately, I thought a small part of me wanted to talk to my mother. I longed to have that close relationship where we could talk about things like this.

"Hi, mom," I answered softly.

"Emily! It's wonderful to hear from you. How have you been?"

"I'm well," I lied. "And you?"

"All good, not much is new, I'm afraid. How are things with India?"

My breath caught in the back of my throat, tears welling in my eyes at just thinking about talking about her. "Uh, well." I bit at my nail, residue of gun powder bitter on my tongue. "She's…"

"What's wrong?" she asked gently.

"I guess we've just run our course," I lamented. I couldn't get into it all because I refused to tell my mother India had just been a ruse to prevent her from nagging me about being single.

"Oh I doubt that very much. You two looked so in love the last time I saw you." My eyebrows raised in surprise. She had been incredibly unpleasant the entire evening of the gallery opening. I had thought she hated Indi based on the age gap alone. "Emily, I know you probably won't really tell me what's going on – you've always been so closed off. But if she's important, don't let your walls and pride become a barrier to you patching things up.

"You have a hard job," she continued. "You always have. You deserve whoever makes you happy."

Tears streamed down my face. "I don't deserve her," I whispered.

"Do you wonder if she feels the same? Emily, we come from money, status. You're a beautiful and intelligent woman." My thoughts reeled. My mother had never had a kind word to say, preferring to highlight all my shortcomings as a daughter, instead. "Isn't it possible she thinks she isn't good for you?"

"I'll think about it, okay?"

"Don't think about it too long, or you'll lose the one you love."

When she disconnected the call, my heart was pounding in my chest. Could Indi be feeling as insecure as me? As much as I hated to admit it, my mother was right: I needed to put my pride aside. I couldn't give up so easily, sulking alone and feeling sorry for myself. I had to give it one more shot; I had pouted long enough. I wouldn't let her leave us behind like this. This wouldn't be the end of us – we were too special to end like this. I wouldn't let us fizzle out all because I was too proud to ask how she felt about us. I quickly cleaned my gun and re-holstered it, eager to get into the city.

I scrolled through India and I's first messages to confirm her old address, silently praying she did actually go back to her old apartment. Once I punched it into the GPS, I peeled out of the parking lot. Please be home. When I parked, I practically ran up to her door, cursing myself for not rehearsing the best way to apologize to her. Before I could talk myself out of it, I knocked three times.

______________________________

Indi's POV: "Just go back, Indi," Penelope encouraged.

"I can't!" I whined. "She probably hates me now. I left after she told me she loved me."

"I guarantee you she doesn't hate you."

Petulantly, I asked, "How would you know?"

"Because!" she huffed. "Derek talks about what a change he's seen in Emily. You don't know how she was at work and how she is now. He said she just lights up when she's texting now. No doubt that's because of you."

Butterflies fluttered lightly in my abdomen. Could it be true? I snapped back to reality. "But that was before!" More softly, "I've ruined that now."

"At least call her," Penelope tried again. She had been trying for an hour to get me to reach out to Emily, gently reminding me how stupid I had been.

"What would I even say? I messed up so bad."

"Tell her how you feel. Tell her-" Three quick knocks interrupted Penelope.

I quirked an eyebrow at her. "Who's that?"

Excitement lit Penelope's eyes. "I have a hunch," she said knowingly. A confusing melange of emotions welled up inside me. Excitement that it could be Emily coming to fix things. Dread that it could be Emily returning my belongings. Anticipated disappointment that it wasn't Emily at all. I smoothed my frizzy curls down and tucked stray hairs behind my ears, certain my hair looked wretched after laying in bed all day. "Get it," she hissed, gesturing to the door.

Before my nerves could talk myself out of it, I pulled the door open, gasping at seeing Emily. For a moment, we just stared at each other, drinking the other in. My heart clenched at seeing her; she was so beautiful. I wouldn't survive hearing her tell me this was over. I looked down, begging my eyes to stay dry.

"I'm sorry!" we blurted at the same time. I wrinkled my brows in confusion.

"What do you have to be sorry for?" I asked.

"It was too much. I didn't mean to overwhelm you. And I didn't think about how a big purchase would make you feel." I couldn't say anything, overwhelmed by her extending a peace offering, by giving me a second chance. "I'm also sorry for telling you I loved you. We haven't talked enough about our relationship for that to have been fair to just spring on you."

I chuckled ruefully. Emily Prentiss was truly the perfect woman and there wasn't even a small part of me that deserved her. Before I dove in head first, I needed to try one more time to get her to see that she deserved so much more than me. I couldn't help it. I knew that I wouldn't be able to give her up a second time. "You're too good for me, Emily. I don't belong with you. You're so perfect, and I'm just…not," I finished lamely. "I'm so flawed. What could you possibly want with me?"

She cupped my face, a gentle smiling playing at her lips. "Baby, I know you're not perfect. But you're perfect for me. And I want it all with you. I need you." She looked deeply in my eyes, begging me to understand. "Please come home."

The way she said 'come home' broke my heart. So achingly sweet and desolate. A tear escaped, and she swiped it gently with her thumb. Maybe it was possible she needed me as much as I needed her.

All I had ever wanted was home, and Emily had become home for me. I fled Washington trying to escape memories of home and family so brutally taken from me, but I'd been so unhappy in DC without home or family. Then I had found both in Emily, and by some miracle, I hadn't ruined it. She still wanted it too. "Yes," I agreed.

An enormous smile slowly spread across her face, showing her perfect teeth. It made my heart skip a beat, how astonishingly beautiful she was. "Yeah?" she asked incredulously.

I pulled her face down to mine for a kiss, silently promising my future to her. She tried to deepen it, her smile preventing her from succeeding. I pulled back, breaking our kiss. "No," she whined, pressing her lips back to mine, her hand wrapping around my waist to pull me closer.

"Wait," I said arching my back slightly over her arm so I could look deeply in her eyes. "I love you, too." If it were possible, her smile grew even wider. "I love you so much, Emily Prentiss." She pressed her forehead against mine and sighed deeply. I wrapped my arms around her neck. "And I'm so sorry. I won't run again. I'm so sorry I left. I love you, Em."

She started kissing me in earnest, pushing me back against the door jamb. Her hands kneaded at my hips, pulling me tightly against her as her tongue laved at mine. "I'm so sorry, angel," she whispered between kisses. "Please don't leave again."

My heart broke at her request. "I swear, babe. Never again," I whispered against her lips.

- - -

A/n: I promise they'll have a real talk!

#right off the bat i love how you start off the chapter with India already in this “staring at the ceiling in despair ” kind of stage #i’ve had moments where i’ve personally bawled my eyes out until i didn’t have the energy or tears left #and staring at the ceiling as if it would somehow give you the answer to your problems? very real #i just know she’s lost in her thoughts going over the fight in her head again and again #but i loved the pov switch where we can see into how they’re both coping individually #emily on one hand is reminded of her every place she looks because she was living with her for so long #her very presence is haunting emily almost. she can’t get away from her #but Indi on the other hand has nothing in that apartment to remind her of Emily #so they’re both hurting due to the same reason but their environments are affecting them in different ways which i found really interesting #you always have a way of incorporating extra details that support the imagery and i always enjoy that #in this one it was the little crystal on the end of the fan that reflected due to the evening light #so small but yet i picture it and it adds to the scenery #(also that shooting range scene reminded me of that one in cm. you know it 🤭)#great chapter and i look forward to seeing how things pan out from here!#ofc you’re forgiven. just don’t let it happen again 🤗#haha jk #fic recs 📖

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ssa-sapphic · 3 months

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PLSS I FEEL THE SAME

when i met you that’s when I started to really cherish tumblr 🥺 you were my first legit friend on here and i always think about our many convos in pms or discord. i love you always bby

this is for my baby @rafetopia if you’re not her keep scrolling :)

#jassy 🥀

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ssa-sapphic · 3 months

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Emily Prentiss - Evolution Aesthetic

#ssa emily prentiss #emily prentiss #emily prentiss moodboard #emily prentiss edit #criminal minds evolution #show: criminal minds #tiana’s moodboards

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ssa-sapphic · 3 months

Text

this is for my baby @rafetopia if you’re not her keep scrolling :)

#forever my wifey <3 muah 🩷#jassy 🥀#tiana talks

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ssa-sapphic · 3 months

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You: *Mindlessly flirting with Nat*

Nat: *Actually flirts back*

You:

Nat:

Nat: You're not gonna say anything?

You, panicking: I don't know, I didn't think I'd get this far.

#natasha my beloved

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ssa-sapphic · 3 months

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Medusa and the blind woman in love

patreon // check more of my work on instagram // buy prints here

#in love with this concept and execution <33 #art

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ssa-sapphic · 3 months

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need her in ways i can’t explain

#no words 😮‍💨#emily my beloved #show: criminal minds

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ssa-sapphic · 3 months

Note

NOTICE OF OFFICIAL REQUEST

Date: April 13, 2022 Time: 16:00 mdt Re: Moodboard request

I, Katherine [REDACTED], do hereby request a moodboard of Emily Prentiss's hands. I thank you for your consideration of my request.

Sincerely, H-word for Emily's hands Katie

date: january 18, 2024

time: 22:25 est

your humble request for emily prentiss’ hands has officially been approved. we sincerely apologize on behalf of the ssa-sapphic staff for the delay in response and delivery. please accept not one, but three, mood-boards combined as a token of our appreciation for your untimely patience and understanding.

sincerely

tiana [REDACTED]

#this is way overdue but i hope you enjoy it buddy #i thought it was about time i stop overthinking and being a perfectionist #afterall it’s literally just her hands 💀#click for better quality #katie 🌬#asks

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ssa-sapphic · 3 months

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emily rn:

Tastes Like Sugar (ch. 29)

Pairing: India Mae Banks x Emily Prentiss; OC x Emily Prentiss

Warnings: smut; sugar baby relationships; age gap (16 years - but all over 18)

Word Count: 2.8 k

Read on Wattpad | Ao3 | Previous Chapters

Taglist: @ssa-sapphic 🧸; @5raysofsunshine 🌮; @reidselle 🦭; @swiftfiles 🐝💚; @gaelic-symphony 🎻 ; @sadgirlml 🌻💌; @hotchs-bitch 🦆 ; @multiverse-mxdness ; @madelineleong ; @scorpsik 🎨 ; @heidss

A/n: Wow, I am so so sorry that it's been so long since an update. I've finally found my joy in writing again. If you're still following this story, I cannot tell you how much your patience and loyalty means to me. Enjoy <3

Chapter 29 - Wayward

My summer with Emily was like a dream. She had only been gone on two cases, spending more regular hours in the office. We didn't comment on her unusually light case load for fear it would jinx it. I loved the time we were able to spend together with a more normal schedule. I enjoyed twisting myself around her while we watched movies on the couch. I relished the way she made me feel as she watched me play the piano. I yearned for the way she touched me every night.

Even though she had been gone for a case in Alaska for the last week, I still counted it a blessing to have had so many weeks uninterrupted by calls away. "Hi angel!" I startled, jumping halfway off the couch.

Once I had caught my breath, I smiled widely and responded, "Emily!" She flopped down next to me on the couch, pulling me in for a proper kiss. "Missed you," I mumbled between kisses. Once our frenzy had slowed down, I whispered against her neck, "I have something for you."

"That's funny, me too!" She whipped out a keychain with a photo of the Northern Lights in it.

I chuckled, sitting up to grab it and examine it more closely. "This is actually very pretty, Em. I thought these were supposed to be cheesy."

"I thought the Alaskan landscape deserved better. It was gorgeous up there; I wish you could have seen it."

"Thank you, babe. I love it." She kissed my cheek, tugging me closer.

"Now," she started, "What's this about a present for me?" I smiled bashfully, suddenly nervous to play the song I had finished for her. "I thought I was supposed to bring you presents."

"I didn't say it was a present. It's not a big deal. Just a lil something."

"Mmhm," she hummed skeptically, her eyes narrowing. "Show me." Something in Emily's glittering eyes told me she was excited by the prospect of receiving a gift. When was the last time someone had gotten her something that she really wanted?

I reluctantly left her arms and stood up. Butterflies swarmed my stomach, nerves overtaking me. This was a bad idea. I should have recorded her song and let her listen to it on her own. I felt like the biggest idiot on the planet – she was going to hate this.

"I've uh," I nervously sat down at the bench, "Been composing this summer." I had worked all summer on this composition when Emily was out of the house.

"I know, baby. You've done some really great pieces."

"Yeah, well." I swallowed thickly. I tried to think of what to say next. I thought you deserved one to show you how much I love you. Instead, I whispered, "This one's called 'Emily's Song.'" Before she could say anything, I started playing.

As soon as I pressed down on the keys, my hands knew what to do. I didn't need to think about it, muscle memory controlled my fingers. I felt myself start to tear up playing, knowing just how much love I had woven into this song. I wished I was brave enough to tell her. Embarrassed by how emotional I was, I begged my eyes to suck the tears back in, certain Emily would be appreciative but not emotional.

As I started the last part of the song, I knew that I would never love anyone like I loved Emily Prentiss. But the thought terrified me. I was only twenty-two – what did I know about love? And how could she feel even a fraction of what I felt for her?

When the final notes of the song rang through the air, I couldn't bring myself to look at Emily, far too embarrassed. I heard her sniff and then push herself off the couch. Another beat passed and I felt her arms wrap around my shoulder. "That was perfect, Indi. Thank you." She pressed a kiss to my temple, her lips lingering longer than usual. "I mean it, angel. No one's ever written a song for me before. It was absolutely beautiful."

Her lips trailed down the side of my face, lingering at the corner of my mouth and until I turned my head to kiss her back. She deepened the kiss and trailed her hands down my body to show me how much she liked the song.

- - -

Emily and I fell back into our morning routine as if we hadn't broken it during the summer. I made us breakfast as she packed her go bag for work. We ate in silence, as she read on her iPad. Breaking the quiet, she asked, "Are you ready for your first day back?"

"I guess," I responded morosely. "I liked our summer together. I liked being able to focus on music and you. No math or English essays to worry about." Emily chuckled at that, moving her dishes to the sink.

"At least you have a good first recital piece ready."

Puzzled, I asked, "Which one?"

"My song," she said, beaming with pride.

I narrowed my eyes with uncertainty. "You really think it's good enough for recital?"

"Yes I do," she affirmed. And her voice was so confident, it left no room for objection. "This will be your best semester yet!" she said positively.

"But how can I be expected to do homework when you're home if your case load keeps up like this?"

"Are you pushing for me to go away on a case?" she asked with a smirk.

"Absolutely not!" I protested. "I'm just saying, it will be hard to concentrate knowing you're home."

"We'll manage, angel." She kissed me on the forehead and moved to holster her gun to her hip. My heart skipped a beat staring at her; she made everything look sexy. "I'm off to work now. I'll text you if I'm called away." She leaned down to kiss me briefly. "I want to hear all about how your first day goes! I'll call you if I'm away, or I'll see you tonight."

"Bye, Em." When the door to the garage closed softly behind her, I sighed. I wanted to get to campus early so I could get a good seat in class. I quickly did our dishes, grabbed my backpack, and hurried out the door.

But life had a funny way of balancing itself out. I had had the best summer of my life and was already disappointed to have to go back to classes, just to receive the worst welcome back to school present: my car broke down. I called Emily in tears, worried that I was going to start the semester off on the wrong foot with my first professor.

I dialed Emily's number with shaky hands, feeling the passing cars shake mine as they zoomed past me on the highway. I wasn't sure how Emily understood me through my hiccups and tears when I told her I was stuck on the shoulder of the highway.

"Shhh. Calm down, baby. It's going to be okay, I'll make all the arrangements. As soon as we're off the phone, I'll call a tow company to come get it and take it to the shop." I breathed a heavy sigh of relief, tears abating, thankful, as always, for Emily.

She continued, "In the meantime, baby, just drive the Lexus – the keys are by the door." I felt my heart rate elevate at the thought. "Or, if you'd prefer, you can Uber over to Quantico and pick up the Jag." Pick up the Jag. She said it so casually, as if driving one of her very expensive cars did not cause me extreme anxiety.

"No I do not want to "pick up the Jag!" Emily, what if I crash your car?!" I felt my face go hot at the thought, palms starting to sweat in anxiety. "You love all of these cars and they're so expensive and I'm not on your insurance!" I rushed out.

"Breathe Indi! It's just a car. And you don't have one right now. Please, take whatever car you want. Or Uber everywhere – I'll put more money in your account for it. Is that what you'd prefer?"

"No!" I nearly shouted. I took another deep breath, trying to keep in perspective that this wasn't Emily's fault and she was just trying to help. "I-" I exhaled into the phone. "I'm sorry," I deflated, "It wasn't fair to blow up at you like that. I appreciate you letting me drive the Lexus."

Sensing the storm was over, Emily said, "I'm only sorry I can't see you drive it." I could almost hear the smirk in her voice. "I'm certain you'd look damn sexy in that car."

I chuckled and swiped at the remaining tears, embarrassed I had cried so much in front of Emily. "We'll see if you still say that when I ding your Lexus," I half joked.

"Like I said," her tone more serious, "It's just a car, angel." I paused, unsure what else to say. Her voice was calming though – she calmed me. "Look, I've gotta run. I promise I'll send a tow truck, but Uber home and grab the Lexus so you aren't late for class, okay?"

"Okay," I said softly, tears welling back up in my eyes.

"I'll call you later with an update."

"Bye…" And the line went dead.

- - -

Throughout my first class, my thoughts fixated on my car and how I was going to pay for everything. Even though Emily had been paying for most everything the last few months, I wasn't sure I'd be able to afford whatever the mechanic's bill was going to be.

As my thoughts contemplated every little thing that could go wrong with my car, I missed everything my professor said. I was immensely thankful the first day was always spent going over the syllabus. I'd just have to make sure to read that thoroughly later tonight.

Over the lunch hour, Emily called. "Car's toast and probably not worth fixing." So much for easing into it, I thought. I sighed deeply. Of course life would throw this at me. Things with Emily were just too good for everything else to be going right.

"Okay…" I sighed. I mentally calculated how long I could go without a car while I built my savings up again. I also braced myself for having a conversation with Emily later about asking to go back to work; that battle wouldn't be won easily. But how else was I supposed to take on a car payment?

"I'll see you tonight, okay baby? I'm going to make sure to come home early."

- - -

Later that evening, once classes had finished, I arrived home. I was excited by the prospect of Emily coming home early, and I eagerly awaited the garage door opening to see if her car was in the garage. Once the door had raised fully, I counted three cars in the garage…except, whose car is that? In my spot, where my car should have been, was parked a shiny, new Audi. Panic swelled inside of me. I didn't want to rush to conclusions, but Emily didn't drive Audis. In fact, I had told her it was my dream car. But surely she wouldn't have irrationally bought me a car without thinking about it first.

Not seeing the Jag parked in her spot, I quickly dialed her number as I walked through the door. "Do you like it?!" she asked excitedly.

"So I'm not crazy?" I spit out, trying to control my rising temper. "You did buy me a car?"

"Yes! Do you like it?" she repeated.

"Emily…" I said in warning.

"Don't make this a big deal, India. I swear to god, don't. This isn't a big deal."

Her flippant tone fanned the flames of my anger. "It's a car, Emily. An expensive one at that." Suddenly, Emily's cavalier attitude on spending rubbed me the wrong way. I had never cared what anyone did with their money; it was theirs to do with as they pleased. But to hear firsthand how dismissive she was about such a purchase enraged me. Especially because she was wasting her money on me.

How could she not understand this? She threw money around like it was nothing. It made me feel like shit, like I was worthless. How could I ever repay someone who gave me everything? How could I ever be enough for her? I had nothing. I was nothing.

She sighed into the phone. "Can we talk about this when I get home?"

Clipped, I responded, "Great." And I hung up. Immediately, I knew I shouldn't have done that. No matter how badly she angered me, she didn't deserve to be disrespected.

I paced the living room waiting for Emily, counting out each step until I lost track. I tried to match my breathing to each tick of the clock on the wall. For forty-three minutes, I tried to calm down, anxious about our impending argument.

But no amount of mental preparation would have helped, because as soon as Emily walked through the door, we started fighting about the car.

"I don't see what the big deal is, Indi. It's a car for fuck's sake." I winced at her cursing during an argument.

"But that's exactly it, Emily! You can't understand why this is a big deal for me."

"Do you not like the car? Is that what it is? We can exchange it for any kind that you want," she offered.

"It's too much! And it wasn't part of the deal!" I shouted at her.

Shock flooded her face and she froze. Softly, almost hurt, she asked, "Do you seriously still consider this just an arrangement?" She spit the last word out as if it left a sour taste in her mouth. "You can stand there and really tell me that you still just see me as an ATM?"

"I NEVER saw you as an ATM, Emily. Of course this is more than being your sugar baby." It still didn't sit right. Rocks settled in my stomach. How could I ever get her to understand?

"Then what? You think just because I love you that should mean my support should just stop" - she snapped her fingers - "like that?"

Our argument entirely forgotten, "You love me?" I whispered, aching at the thought of her taking it back, but sick at the thought of her really meaning it. I wouldn't allow myself to believe she meant it.

"I-" She blew out a puff of air. "Yeah." Time stopped. My breathing, my thoughts – they all stopped. "I love you, Indi. I am so in love with you."

And for a split second, I almost accepted the car. But accepting this huge gift almost felt like I would be solidifying our original arrangement. I couldn't sort it out anymore. I was overwhelmed by it all. By how much I needed Emily. By how this had turned into something so different than the life I had pictured for myself. I didn't know who I was anymore; I had lost myself in a game of make believe.

Emily couldn't want me forever like I wanted her. Too soon she would realize that I could give her nothing in return. Only then, it would be too late for me. I would be too far gone, too far entrenched in the India Emily wanted me to be, the real Indi never to be seen again.

My eyes went huge at the thought. Who had I let Emily turn me into? Who had I become during this arrangement? And how had I lost myself so quickly? Suddenly, I couldn't breathe. This mansion felt like a collapsing, cardboard box. Emily's affection, once a warm, safe blanket around me, now felt like a noose.

Shaking my head, I turned and ran upstairs. When I came back down, bag packed, Emily hadn't moved an inch.

I needed distance from this life – from Emily – so I could find Indi again. But who was I without Emily? It had only been six months, and already I had no idea what life would be without her. I had pretended to be what I thought Emily wanted for so long that I forgot who I was. It didn't matter, though. Because if anything was certain it was that I could never be enough for Emily. She deserved so much more than the little I could give her.

I drove quickly back into the city, to Penelope, to my real life. I knocked on the door to what used to be my home praying Penelope was there to greet me. When she opened the door, tears flooded down my face. As I walked through the door, Pen's arms around me, I couldn't help but feel unsettled. I didn't feel at home here anymore. If I didn't fit into my old life, or into Emily's, where did I belong?

A/n: Please don't hate me 🫣

#had to reread for the third time because it’s just that good #if you haven’t read this fic by leftoverenvy what have you been doing with your life?#clearly missing this masterpiece that’s what!#seriously though it’s not just a fanfic #read between the lines and you’ll realize just how well it’s been thought out and written #forever grateful to you for sharing it with us katie!#so stoked to continue reading about my babies 🥰🫶#fic recs 📖#emily prentiss fanfiction #boost

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