stallionspirit444

[stallionspirit444]

Feeling slighted and looked over. . . can’t be good in the long term.

One thing I’ve been dealing with is the desire to be closer and be better friends with my Scorpio coworker. But I’ve seen myself have all sorts of doubts and I’ve said “it’s all been in my head, she hasn’t done anything.” It only takes the final straw before you recall moments in the past that you overlooked that are actually a part of the bigger problem. I understand that no everyone is perfect in communication. In the past this girl either doesn’t answer me or forgets things I’ve told her. So come ‘round her bday I asked if she was planning anything. She said the day of “they” were thinking of doing something. So I said to tell me details if she remembers, as I know that she doesn’t message individually nor texts if she’s around people in person. When she said movie and dinner, i had asked where, but got the response after they already got food and we’re on their way to a movie.

All I could do was not cause any fuss and just wish her a good time. But it finally kicked in how much I don’t matter; even despite all these quirks about her if she truly wanted to see me she would’ve included me in the planning or reached out earlier. Usually at birthdays you want everyone you care about around you. So in conclusion, anyone else must not matter as much. I don’t even think she would’ve reached out to me if I hadn’t asked the day before if she was doing anything for her birthday.

That’s the difference between us; I want to share news or funny things with my friends immediately. I want to share my life with others. However, when it comes to her I know I’m not one of those people she talks to. She even has an easier time talking to her Kansas friends whether it be video games or text. When we meet she will sometimes say “did I tell you about” whatever but it’s clearly news she’s shared with others. I’m not one of those people though. And from my previous lessons with female friends, if it’s not going to sustain itself long term then I shouldn’t invest anymore time and energy now. Everyone has different dynamics and meaning. Just like Lea said when I was ending our friendship, I will have to learn how to manage friendships that aren’t equal. But I don’t think I’m being greedy when I bring up these complaints as fuel to end the friendship abruptly.

#shouting into the void #friends

[stallionspirit444]

#261 Poochyena - At first sight, Poochyena takes a bite at anything that moves, and makes the hair on its tail bristle out to try to intimidate its foes. A Pokémon with a persistent nature, it chases its chosen prey until the prey becomes exhausted. Poochyena’s acute sense of smell lets it chase the prey without ever losing track; however, it may turn tail if the prey strikes back. 

[stallionspirit444]

This is the first one I found but I was really trying to find your “wot in tarnation” Pig post cause look what I just caught

lol idk

[stallionspirit444]

Koopa Freerunning Master Cups

(Because no one else seems to care)

Wooded Kingdom

1st 50 coins

2nd 10 coins

3rd 5 coins

4th

Cap Kingdom

1st 50 coins

2nd 10 coins

3rd 5 coins

Cascade Kingdom

1st 50 coins

2nd 10 coins

3rd 5 coins

Sand Kingdom

1st 50 coins

2nd 10 coins

3rd 5 coins

Lake Kingdom

Best place. You can beat within 38 seconds

1st 100 coins

2nd 20 coins

3rd 10 coins

Lost Kingdom

1st 100 coins

2nd 20 coins

3rd 10 coins

Seaside Kingdom

1st 100 coins

2nd 20 coins

3rd 10 coins

Snow Kingdom

1st 50 coins

2nd 10 coins

3rd 5 coins

Moon Kingdom

1st 100 coins

2nd 20 coins

3rd 10 coins

# SuperMarioOdyssey

#super mario #mario oddesy #mario odyssey #coin farming #farm coins #super mario odyssey

[stallionspirit444]

Cute

ok I did a thing too

[stallionspirit444]

I definitely find it quite annoying when you have a crush on a straight girl as a lesbian yourself and you know there’s no point in getting to know her because it’ll just become a disaster. She doesn’t inquire about you as much as you do with her. She doesn’t care what she learns; though she says she listens. Hah. It’s stupid

[stallionspirit444]

Never get in Unrequited Love

You read it in every book, every story where the main character says “Even if she doesn’t love me back, it’ll be okay as long as I’m by her side. Just don’t get greedy.” Then chapters later, she goes, “I couldn’t control it. I couldn’t handle it.” That’s what happened when I first dropped hints that I liked my friend. I never made it super clear. But then I fell in love with another girl and my friend became a memory on my back burner. But after that, I went right back to being jealous and anxious. I knew I was hurting and suffering, and I let her know for the first time that I really was hurting inside and feeling pain; but she consoled me and said that my feelings seemed so honest and “beautiful” . . . but in the end she didn’t have the drive or love to tell me we had to end our friendship. So I kept hurting. I kept driving her to dates, and I kept mentioning that I would need to tell her my confession eventually. She didn’t want to hear it because who would, I suppose? It seemed like known knowledge so why keep being reminded of something you couldn’t do anything about?

I wish I didn’t blame her as much as I do. I did my best to make sure she didn’t feel like blaming herself when I said my goodbye and ended the friendship. Of course I wasn’t trying to hurt her, despite all the hurt she unknowingly caused me. Day after day, I just gotta keep moving forward. What else can I do? How should I handle other unrequited love in the future? Keep quiet like I should’ve? Will I burst? Maybe try to not invest as much time? Take some time away? What if they’re a coworker, like this new straight scorpio female is? Why are feelings so hard. And why do they even start?

[stallionspirit444]

Asexual A-Week Blog post

What is more natural than seeing a member of the opposite sex and spontaneously feel incredibly shy, an impulsive desire to approach them, and the anxiety or butterflies about your impression? We were conditioned to see this as innate behavior of a character with a crush in our childhood TV shows, such as Caillou, Max & Ruby, Avatar: the Last Airbender, Mickey Mouse, and etc. The infatuation and admiration aspect, for the most part, unmistakably different than feelings toward a friend. Like night and day!

For me, this romanticized portrayal of “obvious” romance seemed so foreign and unrelatable to me for years. However, in high school peers began to show me pictures of their crush or “hot” celebrities and asked for my opinion so often that I couldn’t help but become painfully aware of emotions I did not and could not harbor. Thus, I could only resort to comparing myself to the “normal” and using process of elimination. SPOILER ALERT: The conclusion was not a “coming out” story, but rather an implosion of my beliefs in “normal” that completely buried my sense of self for a time.

I am a creature of labels. Why? Because that means there’s a population with a common definable attribute large enough to be considered and recognized with a title. For me, labels satisfy one of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, love and belonging. After several processes of elimination, I was introduced to “demisexual” in 2014 “quoiromantic” or “WTFromantic” in 2016. Initially, I was ecstatic to find terms that described my feelings or lack of feelings in an easily understood way. I learned that demisexuality is the lack of primary sexual attraction or “only [feeling] sexually attracted to someone when they have an emotional bond with the person” (WebMD). I learned that quoiromantic, coined in 2012 by Cor, is “feeling that these categories [of romance/romantic attraction/romantic orientation] are personally inaccessible, inapplicable, or non-sensical” (Asexual Wiki). 

Demisexual and quoiromantic are associated with the asexual spectrum and aromantic spectrum, respectively. The reality is that the majority, including LGBT members, believe asexuality and aromanticism to be unrealistic and a mental illness and thus, members are dehumanized. I’ve experienced it firsthand. All of the high school Gay-Straight Alliance members and the advisor discounted and mocked “demisexuality” when I asked about it anonymously. A girl said “It sucks [. . .] to have stumbled upon you” and “I didn’t know how extreme it was” when I pointed out that I informed her of my exact aro-ace orientation in my initial greeting just one week before.

Honestly, I feel like asexuals and aromantics are seen as model minorities in the discussion of orientation. The truth about a “model minority,” which is a marginalized minority considered to be more successful than the average population and even other minorities, is that their experience of discrimination is often denied and invalidated. 

On one hand, I identify as an Asian American adopted and raised in a Caucasian family, where the privilege gap between myself and my family can be experienced firsthand 24/7. I also fall into the Asian career stereotype of an engineer, but I am a woman. These are the communities that I associate with based on appearance, and are also “model minorities.”

On the other hand lay my hidden identities, such as being a lesbian. But the reason I say my sexuality is a hidden identity is because I rarely have interests, AKA. I don’t have crushes. Today, it’s common to hear someone say, “I need to have an emotional bond to be intimate or before I like someone.” Depending on the context, they’d either identify as having a partner preference (AKA a choice), or they may identify as demisexual, which is not by choice. When I use this phrase, I truly mean that there is a set condition in order for the chemicals dopamine and norepinephrine to be released in my brain, or for that “instinctive” feeling to click. 

My friends often tell me, “I wish I was like you” and, “You’re so lucky” as if I’m incapable of making shallow choices and am less likely to feel regret in relationships. Like the model minority, people think I have it easier than others, for some reason. Asexuals are not celibate, abstinent, sex-repulsed and sex-aversed, or traumatized individuals with high standards for intimacy. Aromantics are not incapable of love, commitment, affection, or anti-romance. Again, the aro-ace communities are STILL met with discrimination and erasure, as demonstrated with the acronym kicking “A” to the back of the line and then somehow(?) interpreted as “Ally.”

My very first experience of romantic and sexual attraction (that I could accept and admit) occurred in junior year of university at age 20. Being the self-aware psychoanalytical adult that I was, one cannot fathom how much confusion and self-disgust and torment I felt for several months. Unfamiliar emotions I hadn’t naturally and frequently felt in childhood had crept up on me until it was unbearable and I would have to cry myself to sleep. Thank God for my friends who supported and validated my emotions so that I could eventually accept them and attribute an impulsive phrase that would come to mind for each feeling. The moment I accepted them it was as if I had mastered inner peace, Kung Fu Panda style. I remained honest to my emotions and began my first relationship that almost completely erased my memory of feeling broken. 

In my experience, no matter how I try to phrase my sexuality and my attraction, I’m always met with some sort of denial or a proposed “fix”. It’s similar to my frustration with society habitually assuming that any man I meet is a romantic interest rather than platonic including the men themselves who deny my sexuality because I “just haven’t met the right guy yet.” 

Through trial and error I’ve come to treat my explanations like talking to someone in another language. When an English-speaking tourist wants to share a story with a Spanish-speaking individual the tourist has to meet the other person in their world or communicate in Spanish if they want that individual to see their world. And it is especially important to hear each persons’ stories as individual and personal instances. In the past I dismissed inquisitive people to google my labels as it was bothersome to re-explain myself and likewise, I would immediately google my friends’ labels so they wouldn’t be annoyed with my ignorance. However, my cis-hetero white male friend made a great statement: “Even with good intentions, you’re doing a disservice to them and to yourself when you immediately try to educate yourself with Google.” Be warned, those who immediately go to the internet may become misinformed and inadvertently assume stereotypical characteristics that aren’t applicable to everyone. That’s why there are spectrums.

We are not clones of each other with the same personality, preferences, skills, neuropsychology, biology, etc. But anything that diverges from your “natural” doesn’t mean it’s dirty, wrong, or broken. Honestly, the internet can be the savior to connect you with your community as well as the saboteur that cripples your sense of self. I have internalized arophobia and acephobia and that is exactly why I continue to speak against the existence of one normal. The next time someone says they’re aromantic or asexual, please give them the opportunity to explain what it means to them, because we aren’t set molds of your own imagining

#asexualweek #grey asexual #asexual #grey ace #ace #aromantic #grey aromantic #grey aroace #grey aro #aroace #LGBTQA #lgbt #lgbtq poc

[stallionspirit444]

When you love a friend

 I read the stories and I see the books and the manga that depict stories of girls who just can't bear to hide their feelings for their best friend anymore because they see them with others and only then understand and recognize their jealousy that eats them inside. I myself could not bear to watch and think and just wait for my friend to get into our relationship and I truly believe that she deserves all the happiness she can get because she's earned it in her life. But then there's me who gets really selfish and I wanted her to know that I was romantically in love with her despite the fact that she was straight and does not see me really is anything special, or well at least now I know if she is give me as a best friend, although she never used that language before, always calling all of her friends as "friends" and not differentiating between any of the different intimacy levels. So I guess, I can say that I am close with her. But I'm not as close as I wish it could be, as much as I want to be. Is there any cure for falling in love with your friend who cannot reciprocate your feelings? Even though you know it's a burden on them as well when you become awkward and honest and open about your feelings for them, and it might make them feel uncomfortable as well since it is not reciprocated or a mutual feeling. I don't know how to contain my sadness sometimes, and I will just cry for a good long hour just to figure out how I can redeem a friendship after hidden feelings or repressed feelings that would just suddenly burst out at her. A lot of times I have been able to hold back, but I can't even talk to my friends about this. Or they wouldn't answer to things like this. I have nowhere to go nowhere to speak about this and that is why I end up posting to this void because I know that the girl I like and love would never come here and see this post.

[stallionspirit444]

Still out here in love with my best friend. It’s really cramping my style. Every time I talk about hanging out or having a hookup, she thinks there are romantic intentions and that I’m not attracted to her anymore. But that’s not true, that’s not how I think. I have already ranted about this to my friends over and over. All I can do is keep writing shit posts to the world. After being completely vulnerable in August, and telling her how much I loved her, I felt more confident in saying “I love you” to her but that also would make things awkward so I keep choosing not to say it out loud. In my head I want to kiss Lea and cuddle with her. And to reduce those desires I try to find hookups as much as I can.

[stallionspirit444]

[stallionspirit444]

i favor the villainess • ch. 5

[stallionspirit444]

[stallionspirit444]

I’m naming him Darwin. For survival of the Fittest 🪶🪶🤪 https://www.instagram.com/p/COvdgnoAlIlZIogzMuIulDoOl7J6vsIJW71sok0/?igshid=1sg4sxykwhkur

[stallionspirit444]

This bird 🐦 keeps smacking itself against our windows supposedly because it sees its reflection and thinks that it’s another bird in its territory. But I’m not too certain that EVERY WINDOW IN OUR HOUSE is reflective like that. I feel it has a grudge from something. (at Mount Laurel, New Jersey) https://www.instagram.com/p/COkuFQIgasw5_99UEdjlRemjbEptOCnl8Wa0dE0/?igshid=1kskj184ri48t

[stallionspirit444]

We found a duck protecting eggs at @tierratobin’s place!! (at Gloucester City, New Jersey) https://www.instagram.com/p/COGw-EKgs-I5V0hoBjbrENwaFMWRSt3vA30R3Y0/?igshid=5g4lpj6u4ib

[stallionspirit444]

I love Tom’s Dim Sum. Had some good eats today with my friend @tierratobin and her bf! (at Gloucester City, New Jersey) https://www.instagram.com/p/COGwuS4AmftqNAH_v3ID_T1nD68A48cJfXsIYQ0/?igshid=ixyfjed6e1xc