great news! if you’ve ever wanted to live in a midcentury mansion that looks like an ugly megachurch from the outside, the most hideous and batshit house in mill basin, brooklyn is back on the market!
nope, folks, that’s not the indiana headquarters of a fortune 500 company, a community college library, or an abandoned shopping mall. that’s a house that you can live in, just steps away from the waterfront in one of the worst and most inconvenient neighborhoods in brooklyn!
built in 1965 and designed by architectural war criminal n.l. jeffrey, this place is perfect for the family whose tastes just SCREAM “office park on the outside, tacky palm beach boutique hotel on the inside”
so many bathrooms…
each more hideous than the last…
sure, why not
LITERALLY WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BATHROOMS
every single bedroom has floor to ceiling windows…
and a flat-screen tv mounted on a stripper pole….
shoutout to the current owners who could not be assed to invest in some kind of table or cabinet to hold their x-box and instead just threw it on the floor under the tv, and who also didn’t bother to make the bed before the realtor came by to take photos
literally what the fuck is happening on the floor there
spaceship prison kitchen
ok, this room is actually pretty groovy. digging that skylight! check it out from the opposite angle:
seriously, the skylight is cool, and that fireplace!
same here, i’m getting huge megan draper vibes. maybe it’s not so bad–
spoke too soon. what the fuck is this room? a home gym? a family room? one of those tupperware prisons where they send comic book villains whose actors are still signed on for 3 more films?
you may not have spent much time in mill basin, but you just need to trust me when i say that this room’s decor is the most mill basin thing i’ve ever seen.
“okay,” i hear you thinking. “i get it. this is a lot of house.”
“but what the fuck does it LOOK like? show me the floor plan!” well…
i hope that helps.
the good news is that this house can be yours for a cool $10 million! and if that sounds steep, just remember - that’s down from THIRTY MILLION when it was on the market in 2013!!!! a steal at even twice the price, folks.
somebody that i used to know is the spiritual successor of nothing better
okay here are the rpg classes/factions:
3. Pretentious (this is basically just Erudite from the original books)
5. Terrible Driver (refers to lack of follow-through and leadership abilities, but can be literal if you’re a bad enough driver)
6. Too Much Protestant Work Ethic/Hardass (h/t to @saxifraga-x-urbium)
(rejected factions include Selfish, Annoying, and Tantrum)
the system recognizes that you can have more than one terrible quality, but your faction is determined by other people voting on what your worst trait is. this is the human experience.
au where divergent was actually good because instead of getting sorted into
hogwarts housescastes based on their virtues, people get assigned to factions based on their worst qualities. main character is torn between “Chickenshit” and “Bitch”
“two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and you are a terrible driver…”