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stjohnstarling · 11 minutes
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this evening I am plugging ye olde dog names into a middle english translator to find out what they mean (approximately)
this is my life now
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stjohnstarling · 2 hours
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How does Father Ardelian pretend to be normal about the whole thing with Jacob wrestling the angel? Because there's no way he's normal about it.
Father Ardelian has never successfully pretended to be normal about anything in his whole life. I assume he's bringing it up way too often in the homily, dwelling on it at length, describing bulging angel muscles in loving detail and so on.
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stjohnstarling · 3 hours
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THE CAVITY AND THE WOUND; THE OPENING AND THE EYE; THE CYCLE AND THE ANOMALY
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stjohnstarling · 5 hours
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Please be patient with me, I’ve been whispering corrupting thoughts in this priest’s ear for three days now and he’s only committed a couple of venial sins and one minor heresy.
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stjohnstarling · 6 hours
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What do you do when you hear your best friend's hand in marriage is the grand prize in a tournament? You steal your brother's armour, cut off all your hair, and enter in disguise to rescue her. Obviously.
All The Painted Stars is a sapphic, medieval romance novel with...
⭐ Knight's Tale Vibes ⭐ Women in armour ⭐ Skinny dipping ⭐ Ruining arranged marriages ⭐ The pain of being in love with your best friend
It's OUT NOW wherever books are sold in paperback, ebook and audiobook!
Bookshop.org / Waterstones / Blackwells / Amazon / Kobo
Full blurb & content warnings under the cut.
Oxfordshire 1362
When Lily Barden discovers her best friend Johanna’s hand in marriage is being awarded as the main prize at a tournament, she is determined to stop it. Disguised as a knight, she infiltrates the contest, preparing to fight for Jo’s hand. But her conduct ruffles feathers, and when a dangerous incident escalates out of Lily’s control, Jo must help her escape.
Finding safety with a local brewster, Lily and Jo soon settle into their new freedom, and amongst blackberry bushes and lakeside walks an unexpected relationship blossoms. But when Jo’s past catches up with her and Lily’s reckless behaviour threatens their newfound happiness, both women realise that love must always come at a cost.
Content warnings:
ATPS contains mention of past emotional and physical abuse, and some mild violence.
It also contains explicit on-page sex scenes.
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stjohnstarling · 7 hours
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So, there's a dirty little secret in indie publishing a lot of people won't tell you, and if you aren't aware of it, self-publishing feels even scarier than it actually is.
There's a subset of self-published indie authors who write a ludicrous number of books a year, we're talking double digit releases of full novels, and these folks make a lot of money telling you how you can do the same thing. A lot of them feature in breathless puff pieces about how "competitive" self-publishing is as an industry now.
A lot of these authors aren't being completely honest with you, though. They'll give you secrets for time management and plotting and outlining and marketing and what have you. But the way they're able to write, edit, and publish 10+ books a year, by and large, is that they're hiring ghostwriters.
They're using upwork or fiverr to find people to outline, draft, edit, and market their books. Most of them, presumably, do write some of their own stuff! But many "prolific" indie writers are absolutely using ghostwriters to speed up their process, get higher Amazon best-seller ratings, and, bluntly, make more money faster.
When you see some godawful puff piece floating around about how some indie writer is thinking about having to start using AI to "stay competitive in self-publishing", the part the journalist isn't telling you is that the 'indie writer' in question is planning to use AI instead of paying some guy on Upwork to do the drafting.
If you are writing your books the old fashioned way and are trying to build a readerbase who cares about your work, you don't need to use AI to 'stay competitive', because you're not competing with these people. You're playing an entirely different game.
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stjohnstarling · 21 hours
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please help me return this book
I borrowed this book in the year 2000 from a friend. Unfortunately, I have since forgotten her full name, have dropped off of any and all social media that might be tied to my legal name, and the last screen name I have for her is for AIM which has been gone for longer than I care to think about.
I feel extremely guilty because it’s autographed, and thus irreplaceable to the person who loaned it to me. And I’ve had it for 23 years, keeping track of it through every house and dorm and apartment I’ve lived in. I still don’t think of it as “my” copy, because it’s not really.
23 years is long enough. If this sounds familiar to you, please get in touch. I just want to return it.
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[image descriptions: The book is a paperback edition of Greer Ilene Gilman’s Moonwise, autographed by the author.]
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stjohnstarling · 21 hours
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© my favourite criticism of What Manner of Man
What Manner of Man is a queer vampire romance novel about a Catholic priest who is summoned to a distant, secluded island to perform an exorcism.
What will happen when the Father begins to suspect his host — the mysterious, nocturnal lord of the manor — of wanting him for another reason entirely? Will the piously celibate priest be able to resist his host’s diabolically seductive charms?
A tale of blasphemy, scandal, and sin!
Read it here, for free! 😈
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stjohnstarling · 22 hours
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DONT CLICK ON THAT!!! whew. sorry. just be careful.. many people dont know that .pdf stands for “poison dart frog.”
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stjohnstarling · 22 hours
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Father Ardelian: I just want a demon to take me out.
Lord Vane: Like on a date or with a sacrificial dagger?
Father Ardelian: Both if he’s not a coward.
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stjohnstarling · 23 hours
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Oh noooo you fell into the vat of experimental, highly-potent topical aphrodisiac that someone left out in the middle of the mad science lab. :( Guess I'd better strap you to the evil experiments table for safety. Also it dissolves clothes btw.
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stjohnstarling · 23 hours
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out of curiosity, what's the total word count on wmom?
The published draft is around 65 000 words, though the final version should end up longer.
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stjohnstarling · 23 hours
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The following is the Patreon-exclusive behind-the-scenes post for October 2023. It features a fun and flirty little priest drawing + some detail about decisions that led to the exorcism scene in chapter 18.
In the act of preparing for chapter 23 (in which Sylvia presents Victor with his repaired and embellished cassock), a sudden thought led me to do some hasty Google research into the question of "Are there specific rules about the damaging and altering of vestments?" 
Results, I'll be honest, were a tad inconclusive as far as thorough information on the subject goes (it was very hasty research) but it does seem like he can't celebrate the Mass in his new frock. Lucky for Victor that he wasn't planning to.
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(Source of this screenshot: literally just some insane Catholic Wordpress blog that I used to save myself the hassle of going directly to the Missale Romanum.)
Also: he can't show any leg!
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🚫 BANNED 🚫
(Did my editor get me to include this anecdote in the monthly post partly as an excuse to draw the above image? Who can say.)
Read the rest of this free Patreon post in this week's newsletter ->
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stjohnstarling · 23 hours
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I have no idea where this image came from, but I adore it.
(If anyone knows who the creator is, please tell me!)
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stjohnstarling · 23 hours
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Big name romance novelist and friend of the publication Emma Denny has a ✨ new book ✨ coming out! You may remember that I recommended her debut novel, One Night in Hartswood, back in December. It has since been my privilege to receive a copy of the sequel and I’m having the time of my life with it.
All the Painted Stars is about a chivalrous noblewoman who disguises herself as a knight in a bid to win the hand of her beloved in a tournament. (She thinks it’s only to save her best friend from an arranged marriage, but, well, you see…) I know for a fact that a lot of you are avowed fans of sword-wielding lesbians, and on that front I can’t recommend All the Painted Stars highly enough! It comes out on March 28th! Available to preorder → here.
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stjohnstarling · 24 hours
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HISTORIC PAPAL EDICT: effective immediately, mandatory glory holes to be installed in all confessionals.
They should make me the pope, I have a lot of good ideas.
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stjohnstarling · 1 day
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Sub Rosa, 2024 Pencil, gouache, and digital paint Romance novel cover commission for my dear friend @lizziakana. Just in time for Sub Rosa's 30th anniversary! Prints available!
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