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6’2 and standing at the front of the crowd is crazy. you already have an advantage just by being alive brother. blocking out all the sunlight. life on the forest floor, withering away

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me running this blog with a pure and innocent heart

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For those that aren't in Australia right now, we have the funniest scandal going on.

Firstly let us introduce you to the eye of the storm: Sam Kerr. Sam is a women's soccer player who has in the last year become one of the most famous and beloved athletes in Australia. Captain of the women's national team, Sam became something of a cult figure after the last Women's Soccer World Cup became a complete unpredicted sensation in Australia, with the whole country getting behind the team.

Sam, up until now, has had probably one of the most squeaky clean images in sport. Generally in Australia it is not uncommon for our sports stars to be caught up in scandals involving drugs:

violence:

drinking their own urine:

or if you're cricket legend Shane Warne, probably all three at once.

Contrasting all this, Sam's image as the squeaky clean saviour for sport made it all the more shocking this last week, when it was announced that Kerr was to face trial after having been charged by the UK police of a "racially aggravated offence" involving a taxi driver.

This was shocking news. Nobody knew what to make of it. Sam was a model for young girls everywhere and a national treasure. "This is why we can't have nice things" screamed the nation. It seemed like all hope was lost.

That is, until, yesterday, when the UK police finally revealed the full details of the case, in which Sam Kerr, sporting legend, was arrested for vomiting in a cab, and then telling an intervening police officer that he was a “stupid white bastard”.

Now we probably don't need to point out that in Australia, vomiting in a taxi and then calling a cop a bastard is about as close to a national culture as we have.

You could not have come up with a better headline to make someone a national hero.

Needless to say, Sam in now being hailed down under as the greatest legend that ever lived, and a petition has already been started to have her picture added to the $5 note.

The tide has swung so far that not one, but TWO, state Premiers have spoken out in support of Kerr, and the Prime Minister has even gone on the record describing her as "a delight".

And so ends the racial abuse saga of our greatest sports hero of all time, and the very first reverse milkshake duck to ever exist.

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thinking a lot about brennan calling izzy the perfect woman on the latest episode of game changer. i strongly agree with him

#personal #update for everyone here #i'm a huge dropout stan now

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Got new nail polish for my wife for autumn and she was so excited to paint her nails she totally forgot she needed to shower.

Cut to Me, in just my boxers, standing in the shower but outside the spray of water. There's a very beautiful silly woman in front of me, standing buck naked with her hands held over her head (away from the water). I wash her hair, scrub her down, do her skincare routine, protect her eyes from shampoo as I rinse it out, massage in her conditioner, rinse off her body, massage in her body oil, tilt her head back to rinse the conditioner. I hop out to grab a big fluffy white towel then come back to pat her dry. I carefully help her into her robe and then put her fancy moisturizer on her face.

And its only now, as she flosses her teeth with her "wet nails" that I remember the nail polish I bought her is that insta-dry stuff that dries completely in under 2 minutes

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Made this for my fiancee because it has lived rent free in both our heads for weeks

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Hello skinny tgirl. Lately you've been complaining that your tits aren't growing. In front of you is a plate of food.

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love the sailing boat discourse and all but i have to say being on a ship for a prolonged time does change a man and i don't mean in a hardened but wisened sailor kind of way i mean that everytime my brother returns from sea after a few months he has to be reintroduced into society like some sort of feral beast. being on a boat might not give you scurvy but it WILL erode your impulse control and ability to react normally to any situation whatsoever. that's just what months of hard work and inability to leave while the ground moves does to a mf

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remember your life doesn't end at 20. dante alighieri got exiled from florence at 36! you still have time <3

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Why is this YouTube preview so homoerotic

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I wish we had more female characters like Eleanor Shellstrop. One of the most unlikable people you've ever met. Read a Buzzfeed article on most rude things you can do on a daily basis and decided to use that as a list of goals. Makes everyone's day worse just by being there. Dropped a margarita mix on the ground and tried to pick it up, only to get hit by a row of shopping carts which pushed her into the road where she was hit by a boner pill delivery truck, killing her instantly. Cannot keep a romantic partner despite being bisexual. Had a terrible childhood but will die before she gets therapy. Best employee at a scam company. Just the worst but also can't help but root for her to improve.

Absolute loser. Girl-failure. Bad at almost everything. Literally perfect female character.

#i love the good place

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i feel like an absolute geezer on tiktok i think i have to come back here

#personal

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Quitting my job to be a full time discord server friend you play video games with sometimes

#me while i'm unemployed