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sunhalf · 1 day
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sorry for disappearing the dragons and their dogma got me
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sunhalf · 17 days
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to be a princess of heart is, essentially, to be so perfect that the world is driven to protect you, to avenge your death. which is to say being a princess of heart is to be motivation. which is to say that being a princess of heart is to be a fridged wife, again and again.
kairi's deaths — or "deaths" — exist, cosmically and narratively, to drive sora and riku's quests. she's made a princess and ripped from her home and identity so that the heroes can stumble upon her almost-corpse as a child. she loses her heart and her body turns into an empty doll and the boys don't stop competing for her even then, but when she gains that heart back she's told that she'd just be in the way, she's not worth keeping around when she's a girl and not a corpse. riku ignore her entirely in 2, despite having chances to reach out, because a fridged wife is only worth anything if she's fridged or at risk of it; now that she's been revived, now that she's just a girl and not perfect motivation, she doesn't matter. not until she's kidnapped and at risk of being killed again. not until her pure light can save him.
they leave her again, once she's back and safe, because motivation is only motivating when it's dead. and then she dies again, because sora needs — for the sake of the story — to be motivate enough to rewrite the world. she comes back. riku leaves her again, because a dead girl is only any good to the hero when she's dead.
nobody cares about kairi when she's a girl and not a corpse or almost a corpse. and kairi's aware of it, even if she couldn't quite articulate it this way, and it breaks her heart and makes her feel so lonely. everyone wants to die for the perfect light. no one wants to be beside the living, breathing girl.
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sunhalf · 17 days
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シオンさんらくがきです。
あまり何も考えずに描いていましたが、カップリング絵のようになってしまったなと後から気づきました。ロクサスのスパグルコラボ大好きです。
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sunhalf · 18 days
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kairi has hazy half - memories of her time in sora’s heart; they’re frightening, and she tries not to dwell on them.  it’s not that the experience itself was so terrible (  she trusts sora and always has, and his heart felt safe for her  ) so much as the sense of being disconnected from her self was wrong.  even in the safety of sora’s heart, she could feel her body like an empty toy, and her own heart desperately trying to reunite with it.  it was terrifying in more ways than one, and deeply disconcerting, and on some level that’s what she imagined death to be.
the time in - between her death at xehanort’s hands and sora bringing her back felt very similar, except without sora’s heart as a comfort.  it also felt much longer; she felt like she was in that non - existent alone state for...a very long time.  weeks.  months.  forever?  time is all wrong when you don’t exist. being dead was extremely traumatizing and frightening for kairi, but everyone here has died and she feels so pathetic and unworthy of relating to anyone that she doesn't ever talk about it.
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sunhalf · 18 days
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reminder that kairi is chubby and jacked!!!
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sunhalf · 18 days
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kairi was presenting as a girl and going by kairi before she washed up on destiny islands.  shortly before she met aqua, she began using the name; it was suggested by her grandmother (  it was her grandmother's grandmother’s name  ) though some in her community were still using her deadname.  not through ill will so much as forgetfulness, though it felt cruel to the girl.  when she arrived on destiny islands, though, the only name she could remember was kairi.
the mayor followed kairi’s lead in raising her, and was very supportive with whatever the girl wanted; she was very protective.  any bullying that the child received, which was generally minor anyway, was quickly squashed; most children knew better than to piss off the mayor.  kairi grew up comfortable and accepted, and began taking puberty blockers when she was around twelve.  sora and riku learned she was trans at around the same time, as she recruited them to help her remember to take them!  her walking reminders.
shortly after returning to the island, kairi began learning healing magic — the mayor had some latent magical abilities herself, and suspected that kairi could use healing magic to simulate the effects of hrt once the girl was older.  she was right, and it’s a big reason why kairi’s such a talented healer now.  she’s been using the magic for a while, even if not for it’s traditional purpose.
incidentally, while kairi now has a great deal of trauma around being a princess of heart, she was quietly delighted to learn she’d been born a princess.  her heart and the light always knew she was a girl.
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sunhalf · 18 days
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xion didn't know that she had to eat when she came back post - kh3! i headcanon that nobodies don't have to eat — but even when i'm writing with muses who hc otherwise, xion still didn't need to eat due to her status as a unique replica. either way, all she'd ever eaten was sea salt ice cream!
nowadays, she likes trying other food, but continues to prefer sweet things. strong flavors she's not familiar with can be a little overwhelming — the first time she tried something spicy, she cried and roxas almost killed axel for giving it to her — but she wants to try EVERYTHING. food is such a fun part of being alive!!
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sunhalf · 18 days
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"I — I just ——— need to breathe ———" It's hard because she can't, because her breath is going too fast to get any air to her lungs, and last time a panic attack was this bad she passed out on a goddamn moving plane and NOT AGAIN, THANKS VERY MUCH. He crouches on the pavement, hands pressing hard to the sides of his head, and can't breathe and tries and tries and tries. "I — fuck ——"
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sunhalf · 18 days
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"No, no, they don't hurt, it's just — sorta stiff? Like the skin's a lil' too tight some days." The burn scars are blessedly painless now, though they ache a little when her powers get the better of her; still, the fact that they cover so much of her body does mean that they can be irritating at times. "It'll be fine and I'll totally forget about it and then, WHAM, I try to lift my arm and my skin's like 'the heck you think you're doing?!'"
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sunhalf · 18 days
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“Where were they when I was GOOD, huh?!”  Her voice is sharp and furious and THICK WITH GRIEF.  “All the fucking heroes — acting like I’m on ETERNAL PROBATION ‘cause I’m so fuckin’ bad, but they coulda stopped it BEFORE I got so bad!  Actin’ like I’m a monster when THEY JUST LET HIM ——”  She wants to scream.  “WHERE THE FUCK WERE THEY WHEN HE WAS HURTING ME?!”
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At the end she’d deserved every abuse but at the beginning — before the worst of the murder, before the worst of the madness, when she was still salvageable?  WHERE THE FUCK WERE THE HEROES THEN?
“They fucking — KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING TO ME AND JUST —— DIDN’T CARE!!”  What if they’d saved her?  WHAT IF SOMEONE HAD SAVED HER BEFORE IT GOT REAL BAD, and she didn’t have to be like THIS?  It's the most stupid, painful question she's got. WHAT IF ANYONE TRIED, REALLY TRIED, TO SAVE JOKER'S NEW ARM CANDY?
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sunhalf · 18 days
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"If I could, I'd — I'd get rid of the light in my heart right now."
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sunhalf · 18 days
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“My name...”  It’s muttered to herself / high - pitched / verging on panicking / OUTRIGHT PANICKING.  “What’s my...my name, what’s my name — ?!”
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sunhalf · 18 days
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𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐢 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝('𝐧𝐭) 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 ; 𝑑𝑖𝑎𝑙𝑜𝑔𝑢𝑒 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑡𝑠
a collection of slightly heart-ache-inspired dialogue prompts by me. change pronouns/tenses/details as needed.
❝ i've been thinking about you a lot. ❞
❝ i can't keep you off my mind. ❞
❝ why do you have to go? ❞
❝ you'd think we'd be better at saying 'goodbye'. ❞
❝ you shouldn't look at me like that. ❞
❝ i shouldn't think about you that way. ❞
❝ do you think we missed our chance? ❞
❝ have i been on your mind? ❞
❝ you are never far from my thoughts. ❞
❝ i can feel your heart beating faster. ❞
❝ i miss the way you smell. ❞
❝ i know i shouldn't, but i want to see you. ❞
❝ you make it easy for me to be myself. ❞
❝ it's always been you, i don't know why. ❞
❝ i've missed your voice. ❞
❝ it should have been me. ❞
❝ i wish i'd known all this before we ended up here. ❞
❝ i hope the way i feel doesn't make things harder between us. ❞
❝ i can't offer you the life you have with them, i know that. ❞
❝ do you wish it was me? ❞
❝ you are my person, i know that. i should have said it before. ❞
❝ you're the only one that makes me feel safe. ❞
❝ it's too late to say it, but i wanted to say it anyway.❞
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sunhalf · 18 days
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&. 𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐬 (𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬?) 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.
(  various  dialogue  prompts  to  send  to  your  worst  enemy  (affectionate).  feel  free  to  change  how  you  seem  fit.  )
❛ oh great, it's you again. ❜
❛ you? kill me? that's funny. ❜
❛ for being someone you hate, i'm sure on your mind a lot. ❜
❛ you're the last person i wanted to see, actually. ❜
❛ do us both a favor. stay away from me. ❜
❛ you really are an asshole, you know that? ❜
❛ i'm the asshole? what does that make you then? ❜
❛ sometimes i think you must hate me. ❜
❛ i thought you said you never wanted to see me again. ❜
❛ if you want me to go, then you have to tell me to leave. ❜
❛ well, someone's cranky today. ❜
❛ well, someone needs to shut the fuck up. ❜
❛ just stay out of my way. ❜
❛ of all the idiots in the world, i'm stuck with you. ❜
❛ what is it you want this time? ❜
❛ sometimes i wonder if you're in love with me. ❜
❛ do you honestly think this is easy for me? ❜
❛ why would i ever want to be friends with you? ❜
❛ can we please just talk? ❜
❛ there is nothing for us to talk about. ❜
❛ you can yell at me later. just let me help you. ❜
❛ touch me, and you're dead. ❜
❛ oh, so now you care? ❜
❛ there is something deeply wrong with you. ❜
❛ i know i'm the last person you probably want to see, but... ❜
❛ you don't think we could be friends, do you? ❜
❛ i'm tired of fighting against you. ❜
❛ don't pretend you give a shit about me. ❜
❛ you're an idiot, but... i trust you. ❜
❛ oh, don't be cute. ❜
❛ wait, did you just say that i'm cute? ❜
❛ we're not good for each other. ❜
❛ if i say yes, will you shut up? ❜
❛ don't you have to be stupid somewhere else? ❜
❛ maybe we should kiss just to break the tension. ❜
❛ i'm sorry i can't turn off my feelings as easily as you. ❜
❛ maybe there's a universe out there where we're friends. ❜
❛ how can you be so smart yet so dumb at the same time? ❜
❛ don't think this changes anything between us. ❜
❛ you look ridiculous in that outfit, by the way. ❜
❛ if you die, i'll kill you. ❜
❛ is that a challenge? ❜
❛ ah, so you're not heartless after all. ❜
❛ i don't think i've ever seen you smile. ❜
❛ you never cared about me, so why now? ❜
❛ why didn't you kill me when you had the chance? ❜
❛ i don't even remember why we started fighting. ❜
❛ i don't have time for distractions right now. ❜
❛ you're not as bad as everyone says you are. ❜
❛ enemies make the best lovers, you know. ❜
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sunhalf · 18 days
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dash game: get to know me!!
alias / name: rain is the main one, but i also go by rainbow, dandelion ( and dandy! ) and bunnibee :) honestly i'm very tolerant re: nicknames, call me whatever. just not late for dinner!
birthday:   december 4!
zodiac sign: sagittarius but also an enneagram 1, so you can imagine how much stress i am under
height: 5'7", perpetually wishing i was 4'11" or 6'1"
hobbies: writing, gaming, art of any kind — digital, painting, sculpting, doll repaints, etc. — baking!!!!!! skincare, makeup, fashion, exercise, cooking, candle - making...i have more hobbies than there are hours in the day to enjoy them, which is the only bad part about having so many
favorite color: it changes aaaalll the time! right now it's a light sage green, but it's usually either pink or yellow. but there's also peach and baby blue and blush and lilac and —
favorite book: favourite book EVER.....this is hard. the great gatsby, probably!
last song: blue bird by BANANA FISH
last film / show: the last film i saw was the taste of things in theaters, and it made me so glad to be alive. i really recommend it
recent reads: let this radicalize you is what i'm currently working on
inspiration: everything! i don't think there's anything i haven't found at least some inspiration from, be it others' writing, my own experiences, art i saw or made, the world...i couldn't pick just one thing
story behind url: the url was initially one i was using for a single - muse blog for august, and it was sunshalf! because she's so bright but has been so diminished by her life; but is getting that life back! i eventually decided to move august to a multi, and just tweaked her url a bit for the resulting blog
fun fact about me: i love musical theatre, and am seeing shrek the musical live on thursday :)
tagged by: @dearlybeloves thank you nami!!!! i love you!! tagging: YOU!
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sunhalf · 20 days
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"Hurting people takes the edge off, right? It's like catharsis for some people! So you can hurt me if you want!" AWFUL THING TO SAY, HANA, THANK YOU!
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sunhalf · 21 days
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"Hurting people takes the edge off, right? It's like catharsis for some people! So you can hurt me if you want!" AWFUL THING TO SAY, HANA, THANK YOU!
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