suspiciousplant123

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there's something so compelling to me about the fact that sometimes leaving a blade or bullet inside the wound it made is the only way to prevent you from bleeding to death. something about the ironic symbolism of it. when the thing designed and intended to kill you is the only thing keeping you alive.

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unironically love the phrase “but I’m being so brave about it” because truly, like, what other choice do we have in this wretched existence? what a beautiful way to remind yourself to keep going, even if only out of spite

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“Dehumidifier” sounds like an invention of Dr. Heinz doofenshmirtz created in an attempt to fix a bout of his childhood trauma back in drusselstien.

#doctor doofenshmirtz #heinz doofenshmirtz #phineas and ferb #Disney #doofenshmirtz evil incorporated #every one ends up loving it but they give Rodger the credit #evil

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You can’t say she wasn’t serving cunt on the daily

#magic school bus #ms frizzle #nostolgia #tv #kids tv #childhood #shes everything to me #serving #ladies and gentleman: her #the friz

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I think the university course database should have a filter to only show classes taught by extremely old people who are insane

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*after Eren’s first transformation*

Jean: GUYS GUESS WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT EREN

Sasha: he’s gay??

Jean: wha— no he can turn into a Titan…

Sasha: Aw man

. . .

-waIT WHAT

#aot #aot season 1 #attack on titan #eren yeager #sasha braus #incorrect attack on titan quote #incorrect quotes #jean aot #sasha aot #eren aot #this was funnier in my mind

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You know what? You’ve lost they privileges! *re-binaries you*

#this is a joke #this came to me in a prophetic vision #jokes #lols

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"Un-uhlaive? UN-UHLAIVE? Ma'am, that man has been killed. He has been MUHDUHED. To DEATH."

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Dolly was SO real for writing 9 to 5

#dolly #dolly parton #country music #music #9-5 #slay #icon #Spotify

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Now I am NOT trying to victim blame, but if they didn’t want you to throw the chairs at waffle house why did they make them so light?

#waho #Waffle House #dirty south #breakfast #fights #like they are so throwable #I would never fight a waho worker but I’ve seen it

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sorry but I am not subscribing to our society's disgusting obsession with youth. when I turn 30 I'm going to be really happy and throw a party and be elated at how much I will have grown by then, the same way I did when I turned 10 and celebrated finally being 'double digits'. When I turn 40 I will be ecstatic. There are good and bad things about every age but there is no way my 20s are going to be the best years of my life because I am still barely getting to know myself. By 30 I hope to be very well-acquainted

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“fish fear me” I went to the lake and none of them knew you.

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AS IF YOU COULD OUTRUN ME?!

#twilight #robert pattinson #cake #eclipse #edward cullen #team edward #bella swan #movie night

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"Fuck you, my child is completely fine"

ma'am your child is an English major

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Would u buy his tangerines ? 🍊

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would you collect rocks with me. be honest

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