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szumszept · 4 days
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oh wow the next gen Pokemon games just leaked
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szumszept · 6 days
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apologizing to guests at my son's brutalist themed birthday party because the cake is a concrete block
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szumszept · 6 days
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every sunday i tell my liberal father that i'm off to go get another sex change. he tells me "yass monarch slay". but in reality i go to church to study the teachings of the lord. if my liberal father knew this i would be disowned. this is joe biden's america
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szumszept · 6 days
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szumszept · 6 days
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omg its past 12 happy birthday hermitcraft
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szumszept · 6 days
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local autistic person realises that in order to discover new music they have to listen to new music: 4 dead 26 injured
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szumszept · 6 days
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ITS APRIL 13 YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS
FETCH ME NEIL
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szumszept · 8 days
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szumszept · 8 days
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I can't do that post that's like "why did you start following prev" bc I truly do not remember why I started following any of you guys. It's probably just because we were brothers in a past life
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szumszept · 9 days
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szumszept · 9 days
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dentists will splash some water in your mouth and youll think "oh a nice drink of water i was parched" just for them to suck it back out with their wretched little tube. disingenuous behavior
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szumszept · 9 days
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sory i bought polymer clay earings from uour wifes etsy store and cast one of her thumprints and used it to access your family safe and i stole your comically large bagof money with dolar signs painted on it
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szumszept · 9 days
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Mosab Abu Toha, "Interlude", from his poetry collection Things You May Find Hidden in My Ear: Poems from Gaza, available for download here
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szumszept · 9 days
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Im gonna shuffle my giant playlist of every song i like and if the very first one that plays isnt exactly what i want to hear right this second im gna lose it
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szumszept · 9 days
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szumszept · 9 days
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Apples are so fucked up you can get two from the same pile ans one tastes more like an apple than anything youve ever eaten and the other tastes like water poisoned by pharaohs
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szumszept · 9 days
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Rice Krispies smartest decision is by far their Treat. Turning their cereal into a strange brick relies on the natural fact that all children are hopelessly dependent upon the ingot.
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