#& understand the views of a sick homophobe who questions the value of the existence of people like me?

[sternvonafrika]

i will never forget how my mother told me "you know i would support you more if it wasn't for your father"

#my father loathes me & at this point it's impossible to deny it #it's absurd to clean & cook for him now; for someone that you know for sure never wanted you and hates you but still wants you to do the - #chorse because god forbid he touches something in this goddamn house #and my mother tell me i need to understand because it's not easy for him but he still loves me - and no; how can someone love his child - #and blatantly hate a part of who he is? how is this love? when he doesn't even TRY to work on it? why is it always me that needs to accept - #& understand the views of a sick homophobe who questions the value of the existence of people like me? #but also ... my mother is not innocent; because if she really was radically different from him she would argue with him and at least try - #to convince him that (very radical; i know) his son MAYBE still deserves some love BUT NO she just excuses him & acts as the progressive - #one right in front of my face in order to (idk?) have my sympathy? appear very tolerant? while she does nothing to change his mind #if she really believed i still deserve to be loved she would destroy the world to convince everyone i do; but she just say it to me - #(to reassure me i guess) and yet doesn't move a finger in my favor in front of homophobes #don't reblog i just don't know who to talk to; my best friend is on holiday and i feel ashamed even writing this here #nico.txt #tw homophobia