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holidaywishes · 4 years

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It Had To Be You XLIX

Chapter Forty Nine: It Had To Be You

Summary: It’s finally time for you and Tyler to get married. But what’s a wedding without some drama?

Warning: Angst, language, maybe some fluff but not likely, trigger warning for mention of ED

Author’s Note: Y’all I was literally bawling as I wrote this. Like so much so that I had to stop and save it, so I could finish crying and then return to it. I don’t know how many of you saw it coming, but here we are. One chapter left and I can honestly say I didn’t really see it coming. The length of the series that is. I really do appreciate everyone’s love for this series; it’s been up and down for me where some days I love writing it and other days I just can’t bring myself to make these characters co-exist. I wanted there to be closure, because at the very least, it’s what these two deserved but I also needed a good dose of angst to send this series off -- since that’s pretty much what it was built on. So, yes, this chapter is INCREDIBLY, EXCEPTIONALLY, almost OUTRAGEOUSLY long and it took a lot of time to write but it was extremely necessary! Enjoy these last two chapters and thank you again for all your support.

Song Credit: It Had To Be You -- Frank Sinatra

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Tyler’s P.O.V.

You woke up in your mom’s guest room and, for a second, thought it was just another day but when your sisters came barrelling into the room to wake you up, you jumped up in excitement.

“YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED TODAY!” Candace shouted

“I KNOW!” you replied. Candace made some joke about how normally she would expect you to stay calm, cool and collected and that it was typically the girl in the relationship who was this excited on their wedding day.

“I mean don’t get me wrong, it’s adorable,” she laughed, “I just didn’t expect it I guess”

“Well what can I say?” you smiled, “I love (Y/N) and I’m so lucky to be the one she chose. The one who gets to marry her.” Candace smiled at you as you cooed over your fiancée just as your mom walked in

“What are you still doing in here?!” she exclaimed

“What?” you answered

“You should be getting ready!”

“I’m getting there, Ma,” you chuckled, “don’t worry!” She huffed as if to say ‘you’re not taking this seriously’ before walking out of the room, throwing her arms up as she did so and your head fell back while Candace followed her out of the room. Shortly after, you made your way to the kitchen for some breakfast

“So...” your mom started, Cassidy and Candace looking at you, “how you feeling?”

“Good,” you smiled, a blush creeping on your cheeks, “really good.”

“Aww” the girls shrieked, making the dogs jump up from where they were sleeping and head to where they were

“You guys are scaring the dogs!” you chirped and they laughed

“You’re just so cute!” Cassidy cooed

“I never thought you’d be getting married...” your mom started to tear up

“Mom...” you started, waving your hands to get her to stop as you walked over to her, “don’t start crying now. Please. There’s so much day left.”

“I’m just so happy,” she sobbed, “that you found the person you want to be with. And I’m so happy she is so amazing to you and to us. I just love you both so much.”

“Okay, mom,” you said, hugging her as she continued to cry into your shoulder, “I have to go take a shower now. I love you. Save the tears for the ceremony okay?” She nodded once and you kissed the top of her head to comfort her before you walked away.

You woke up with a huge grin on your face. Even after seeing Kate on Tyler’s story last night, knowing that she was with him, you had managed to put it out of your mind and you were back to being excited about marrying the man you loved. You rushed into the shower because your day was planned to the last millisecond, from hair and makeup to making sure the catering, décor and everything else was set and ready to go.

“Alright...” Karen said through the door as you showered, “we’ve got your hair and makeup at the same time, Diana is taking care of all the Bridesmaids dresses and their hair and makeup. You’ll be in separate rooms here while you get them done and then we’ll do pictures. Your flowers are on their way from the florist and caterers will be here by the time you're ready to get dressed.” She continued to talk at you but you had to put your head back under the water to wash out the conditioner in your hair that you didn’t hear what she said.

“Okay, I’m going as fast as I can” you laughed as you opened the door, noticing people walking around behind her. Once you had put on some lotion and the silky robe with ‘Bride’ embellished on the back, you followed Karen into the room where you would be getting ready.

“If you need anything, call me,” she said, “but hopefully you won’t need anything. I’ll send the photographer in once the hair and makeup people are here and they’ll kind of just roam around you and take some shots. They’ll do the same outside.”

“Got it.” You smiled, letting out a sigh of relief when she finally walked away. The next two hours were a whirlwind of photos and makeup and hair and gifts for your Bridesmaids before finally getting into your dress so you and Tyler could exchange notes.

“Do you still want to keep everything a secret?” he asked from where he stood behind the door, handing his note to you without looking over the door

“What do you mean?” you smiled to yourself as you handed him your note

“The dress? Is it going to be a surprise until I’m at the altar?” he laughed

“You really think you can handle it right now?” You looked at Jackie who had brought over the photographer to capture the moment that you and Tyler were reading your letters

“Oh I’m ready,” he smirked, “are you?” Jackie seemed to tell the photographer that you two were going to look at each other first before reading the letters and just as you stepped forward he stopped you

“It would be a much better picture if you two revealed yourself to each other after you’d read the letters. Much more romantic.” You nodded and asked if Tyler was ready

“More than you know, babe.” You could hear the smirk on his face and you chuckled to yourself as you opened the envelope and read his note to you, while he stood silently reading your note to him.

(Y/N);

I never thought I’d meet someone who made me reconsider so many of my life choices but from the moment I met you, I knew you were going to change my life forever. From thinking I never wanted to get married to never wanting to let a minute go by that we weren’t with each other, you’re the one for me. You’re it. The sound of your voice over a call when I’m on the road, the smell of your favourite perfume, that little giggle you make when you watch dog videos on Youtube; these are the things that I cherish and crave when we’re apart and when we’re together. I’m so thankful to be part of your life and I feel so immensely lucky to get to call myself your husband, or I will be once the ‘I do’s’ are done. I know we’ve had our ups and downs and I know our life together won’t be without it’s challenges if for no other reason than our schedules but I wouldn’t want to face those challenges with anyone but you.

I love you so much,

Tyler.

Tyler’s P.O.V.

You opened the letter from (Y/N) and took a deep breath before reading it while you listened to her silently sob as she read your letter to her.

My Dearest Tyler,

I’ll admit when I first met you, I didn’t think too much of you. I knew your reputation in Boston and I let that sway a lot of my opinion of you but you soon proved me wrong and I have never been so grateful for anything in my whole life. Because it gave me you. Yes, I ignored my feelings for you because I was with someone else, but for so much of my life, you’ve been one of the only people who have made me feel safe and loved and who I could fully trust. It took us a long time to get where we are today -- bad break ups, family tragedies, things I’d like to never speak of again -- but we’re here, we made it. It’s you and me, babe. And I couldn’t be happier. I know I can be a lot to handle most days and I know that I drive you crazy more than you’d probably like to admit, just know that it’s all done out of love. Because I do love you. No matter what I might say or do, I’ll always love you.

You’ll always be the one who changed everything.

You’ll always be the one I never want to lose.

You’ll always be the one I love the most.

To the sun and the moon and the stars, I love you, baby.

(Y/N), xo

You wiped away a few stray tears as you folded up the piece of paper, your mom soon telling you it was time to reveal yourselves to each other.

“You two ready?” she asked

“Just give me a minute,” you heard (Y/N) laugh, “I think I’ve ruined my makeup!”

“You look great!” your mom replied and (Y/N) laughed again, taking a deep breath before finally agreeing to come out. The photographer clicking photos continuously as both of you stepped out from where you stood, your hand quickly raised to cover your mouth; you couldn’t believe how beautiful she looked and that the day was finally here.

“You look...” you stammered, “gorgeous.” She blushed at your words, the smile on her face growing each second before she took your hands lightly in hers.

“You look so handsome” she smiled, moving closer to you for a kiss which your mom and the photographer both stopped.

“Not until the ‘I Do’s’!” Your mom yelled and (Y/N) laughed

“She’s right.” (Y/N) added, squeezing your hands, “I should probably go check on the girls anyway.” You didn’t want to let her go just yet, so you held onto her hand as she walked away.

“That’s a great shot” you heard the photographer say to your mom and she was quick to agree so you decided to give your opinion on it.

“It looks beautiful,” you said, furrowing your brow as you continued to examine the photo, “but she looks kinda sad doesn’t she? I don’t know... it just looks like she’s leaving me...”

You walked back to find your Bridesmaids getting their finishing touches done before being taken to an area by the lake where the photographer wanted some shots of the entire wedding party as guests made their way into the backyard where the ceremony would be; Tyler gathered his Groomsmen and your Bridesmaids mirrored their positions beside you when the photographer began rearranging everyone. You and Tyler laughed at the commotion surrounding the two of you but were eventually able to reel everyone in for a few good photos.

“Okay,” Tyler breathed, “I think it’s time. I’ll see you up there.” He kissed your hands before walking up the hill toward the house, looking back only once to smile at you and you smiled back before taking a deep breath of your own as your Bridesmaids started their journey to the house

“You coming?” Lucy asked

“Of course. I’ll be there in a second,” you laughed, “I just wanna practice my vows once.” Lucy nodded and continued up the hill with the other girls. You looked out at the horizon, smoothing the front of your dress to calm the nerves you were starting to feel.

“You look beautiful” Chris spoke softly, leading you to look over your shoulder to meet his smile. You slowly turned around to let him see you and dropped your eyes to the ground, catching glimpses of the dress as your eyes scanned the ground.

“Thank you,” you smiled before finally looking up at him, “you look very handsome.”

“Thank you.” he replied and outstretched his hand to you to get you to walk up with him, “It’s time for you to get married.” Just as the two of you reached the front door, Chris said there was something he forgot to give you but it was in his car so he went to grab it, your eyes following him as he ran to where his car was parked; turning around and bumping into someone hastily

“I’m so sorry!” you exclaimed

“No it’s my fault. I must not have...” Kate replied, trailing off when she saw it was you and realizing that you might not have known that she was going to be there

“Kate..?” was all you could muster and she gave you an awkward closed mouth smile before making her way into the backyard to find a seat. You stayed still for a moment, waiting for Chris to come back, until Kate turned around once more

“You look lovely,” she said, “Tyler’s a really lucky guy...” The words sounded sincere so you thanked her and watched as she disappeared around the corner when a sudden rush of doubt washed over you and you ran into your bedroom. You stood in front of the floor length mirror, examining the intricate details of lace and tulle and beading on your custom-made dress, training yourself to look at yourself in the dress. When you finally met your eyes in the mirror, you couldn’t connect the beauty of the dress to the girl you saw wearing it. Your mind kept wandering to what everyone would think when they saw you, or what you convinced yourself they’d think

“Hey,” Chris called, running to find you, “where did you go? I was only gone for a minute and I come back but you’re not...” You turned to him with a slow tear running from the corner of your eye

“Is this a mistake Chris?” you cried and he shook his head

“No.” he stated simply, but sympathetically as he walked slowly toward you, “This is not a mistake.” You dropped your head, shaking it to clear your thoughts, and Chris pulled you in for a hug that you could only melt into. When he pulled away from the hug, he handed you a small box, “this belonged to your dad.” You opened the box to find an old guitar pick

“I didn’t know he played guitar?”

“Oh yeah. He was pretty good too. But this one pick was really special to him. So when he had you and Lucy, he wanted to make sure it would be special to you both as well.” He said and you furrowed your brow when you looked up at him, “turn it over.” You did as he said

“I love you” the words on the pick read, in your dads messy writing and you brought your hand to your mouth to stop from sobbing.

“He would be so proud of you.” Chris said, leading you to look up at him and frown

“I miss them so much” You replied while Chris encouraged you to grab his arm and start to walk to the altar. The two of you stopped just in front of the door before you were met by your bridal party.

“Didn’t think you were gonna make it” Katie joked

“Well I did. I’m here” you smiled

“Alright. Let’s do this” Cassidy exclaimed

“Let’s get you married!” Candace added while the girls lined up with Tyler’s Groomsmen to walk down the aisle. As they made their way two by two to the altar, you took a deep breath before biting your lip

“You ready?” Lucy asked, Jesse trying his best not to butt into the conversation as her arm was interlocked with his

“Yes” you smiled, a small sigh leaving your voice

“We’ll see you up there” Jesse winked as he nodded to Lucy so they could walk down the aisle to meet Tyler at the altar; she mouthed a quick ‘you got this’ before walking down and just like that, the music changed and it was finally your turn. When the door finally opened, you looked up and saw Tyler smiling back to you. And the whole world faded away.

Tyler’s P.O.V.

You had no idea what had taken so long but when you finally saw her standing at the end of the aisle in her dress, about to walk toward you, you didn’t care about anything other than how beautiful she was. And how much you loved her.

“Hi,” you whispered when she finally met you at the altar, “I missed you.” She reciprocated your smile before mouthing ‘I’m sorry’ to which you just shook your head before the ceremony officially started. The two of you gazed at each other while the officiant spoke about marriage and what it meant to make this commitment to each other. Your eyes never left (Y/N)’s, even when she began to blush and press her lips together to stop herself from laughing.

“(Y/N) and Tyler have written their vows today. Have you decided who would like to go first?” The officiant asked

“Ladies first, always.” You chuckled while (Y/N) fumbled with her note card

“I had to bring it with me or I knew I’d forget,” she confessed, “I’m nervous. I didn’t think I’d be this nervous.” She tried to catch her breath and you smiled at her nervousness

“It’s okay, love, take your time.” You said, reassuringly, allowing her to slow down and steady herself and her breathing.

“Tyler; I wrote and rewrote these vows a million times. Trying to make them perfect. Trying to make them the most amazing words you’ll ever hear and the most beautiful vows anyone, anywhere, will ever hear. Which only made them cheesy and full of things like ‘I’ll make you laugh when you’re sad,’ and ‘I’ll walk the dogs when you can’t,’ which is true. I’ll do both of those things, but I would anyway,” the room laughed and she smiled at you before continuing, making sure to look at you as much as she could, “so when it came time for me to really write my vows to you, I scrapped everything and wrote five words.

It Had To Be You.

There was no one else in my life that I would ever find that made me feel the way you do. No matter how many times we fought or disagreed or ignored our feelings for each other, you were always the person I imagined myself with. I never thought that I... I would find someone who looked at me the way I wanted to be looked at, someone who made me feel seen. Until you. You changed everything for me. You changed the way I looked at myself and the way I looked at relationships. You’ve become this amazing person, you’ve grown into such an amazing man and I’m so proud that I’ve gotten to be part of that journey. Through the ups and downs, the fights and the make-ups and everything in between, you’ve been so wonderful to me. And I love you for that. It was never going to be anyone else. I can’t imagine a better person to share my life with, to be in love with. It Had To Be You. I knew it from the second we met, It Had To Be You.” She tilted her head to the side and smiled sheepishly at you before clutching your hands to steady her

“Tyler...” the officiant continued, “it’s your turn.” You laughed at his statement but cleared your throat to say your vows.

“(Y/N)...” you started, “falling in love with you came suddenly and unexpectedly. Loving you, however, was slow and sometimes infuriating.” You smiled as she gasped at your words, jokingly pulling her hands away from yours for a moment, “but I know,” you continued, “that love is worth fighting for. So, I fought. and fought. and begged. and hoped. and wished that I could keep fighting forever. Because I loved you so much it scared me to not have you with me. When the worst would happen and I thought we wouldn’t make it, my heart broke. Only to get put back together again when you showed up at my door and fell into my arms. The place where you fit so perfectly. I loved you before I even knew that I could love again. Before I even knew I wanted to love again. You snuck into my life when I was trying to figure out who I needed to be and how I needed to change and you were like this breath of fresh air. Exactly what I needed. You stayed with me when I lost the people I loved most in the world and you held me when I needed to be held. There’s no one else that I would rather argue with or make-up with or share every moment of my life with. There’s no one else I could ever love more and no one else I could imagine myself with. I love you. Now, yesterday, tomorrow, forever and for always.”

“And with that, I have a few last questions and responsibilities...” the officiant said. You watched (Y/N) look out at the crowd, examining the guests reactions, when she stopped suddenly and you followed her gaze to where Kate sat; solemn look on her face before dropping her head, “so, if no one has anything they’d like to say. No objections...” the officiant added and you smiled, starting to jokingly get him to continue when (Y/N) spoke up quietly

“I’m sorry...” she said and you furrowed your brow at her before she looked up, “I love you, Ty, but I can’t... do this. I can’t marry you. I’m sorry.” You were left in shock, your mouth gaping slightly as she ran down the steps and into the house. You ran after her once you composed yourself, calling out to her but she kept her back turned to you

“What’s going on?!” you yelled

“We can’t get married”

“We can. We almost did. What happened?”

“I’m sorry. I just can’t do this. It’s all too much”

“Too much?”

“I’m sor--”

“STOP!” You yelled, interrupting her apology, “stop apologizing. Stop saying you’re sorry and just help me understand what you’re thinking.” She finally turned around to look at you and you noticed the tears streaming down her face as she tried to get the words out. But she couldn’t seem to make the words leave her throat.

Your eyes burned with tears as you tried to explain why you left the altar. Why you left him standing there alone. Why you couldn’t marry him. All you could do was whimper, all you could say was ‘I’m sorry’ but Tyler wanted more.

“No,” he argued, “tell me what’s going on. Talk to me.”

“I don’t know. I don’t have the answers”

“You’re the only one with the answers right now”

“Tyler please...” you sighed, tears still falling from your eyes

“I love you,” he replied, moving toward you so he could brush his hand along your arm, “I want to be with you. Maybe today isn’t the right day. Maybe we rushed into it. Maybe you’re feeling pressured. Whatever it is, tell me and we can work through it together.”

“I guess...” you sobbed, dropping your head to the ground in defeat, before picking it up to find his eyes again, “I don’t know... I thought if I could be this perfect person for you then all of my... pain, my insecurities would just go away. Because I loved you and I wanted you and I wanted us but from the second I walked into your life, I’ve felt so incredibly out of place. I don’t belong in this life. With the fancy cars and the beautiful people and the big houses. I don’t belong here. I wanted to. I thought I could, despite everything and everyone trying to convince us we weren’t meant for each other. But you can’t tell me you don’t see it. That I grew up in a modest house with a modest family of modest means--”

“I told you that I didn’t grow up with all of this stuff, I worked for it” he interrupted you to argue, furrowing his brow at your confession

“I know! I know,” you sighed, trying to compose your sobs in such a way that your words could be understood and not just heard, “but I can’t get past any of it. I... you deserve someone who can keep up with this life. Who can keep up with you and someone who doesn’t feel... threatened at every turn. I have tried so hard to trust you and honestly, I have trusted you. What I wrote to you was true. You have made me feel so safe and so loved and I have put my entire trust in you. You’ve been as close to perfect as perfect gets. But then something happens, something small, and I lose track of everything. I lose track of how far I’ve come, how far we’ve come and I just... my heart breaks because I have this overwhelming feeling that I don’t belong with you. That, no matter how much I love you or how much you say you love me, we don’t match.”

“Not this again” Tyler dropped his hand from your arm, lobbing his head back and sighed before finally stepping back

“I’ve never loved anyone the way that I love you. So purely and intensely, so all-encompassingly. All I ever wanted was you, even when I was with someone else, even when we were just friends. All I ever wanted was this. Us. But I went through a lot of crap to get you, to lose the old me and find this girl who would be good enough for you. Because, truly, It Had To Be You. It was always going to be you. I just don’t know if I can keep doing this. Keep worrying about the girls you meet here or on the road, the girls that you’re friends with, the girls who are friends with your friends and show up at parties with them. I can’t keep thinking that you’re always keeping me at arms length because you don’t want to give up your old life just yet. I don’t want to feel like I have to be someone else just to be with you. All of our problems, everything that existed before today, will continue to exist. Getting married just means we have more to lose”

“(Y/N)...” He sighed, a look of heartbreak creeping across his face as his eyes began to tear up at your words

“I wish I could say this was just wedding day jitters,” you said as a new batch of tears streamed down your face, “I wish that’s what it was but I don’t think it is. I think that this has been boiling under the surface for a while now and I don’t want you to be the one that suffers when I blow up. Because I will. I’ll cry and scream and blame you for things that aren’t your fault--”

“And we’ll make up like we always do. That’s what love is... It’s staying together through all the shit and the crazy parts and working through it... together.”

“No see...” you sighed, stepping back when he stepped forward, almost tripping on the long train of your dress, “we shouldn’t have to stay together to ‘work out all the shit.’ We should want to see each other through hard times because we want to see each other grow. I want to see you grow. I want to grow with you. But I have too much... shit that I have to work through on my own that you don’t deserve to be dragged down by”

“Don’t do this (Y/N), I love you and I need you to understand that I’ve changed. I’m not the same immature kid I was when we met. You’ve made me a better man”

“And that’s great!” you smiled, tears still cascading down your cheeks, “I know you’ve changed. I see that. And I am so proud of you, Tyler. Uhm...” You hesitated, your voice stabilizing for only a second, “But I haven’t. I’m still closed off and distant and hurt and insecure and... broken because of the things that have happened to me.”

“I want to take your pain from you. You’re not broken, not to me.” He admitted and you squeezed your eyes shut at what his words meant. That he actually loved you as much as you hoped he did

“I can’t keep doing this to you. In time, you’ll see that, you’ll understand,” you tried to recover from everything that you had to say, straightening your posture and wiping away the mess of tears on your face, “I hate that I’m doing this, especially now. But I know I should’ve let you go a long time ago.”

“Is this about--” he started and you shook your head

“It’s not about Kate,” you finished his thought. Even though that may have been the catalyst, it really wasn’t about her, “this is about me. Before you, before James, I was sick. Like really sick--”

“I know... you were in the hospital” you nodded

“But after I got sick, the first time, I met someone. My first boyfriend. He didn’t know about my ED, he didn’t know about me being in the hospital, he didn’t know about my parents. It was a completely blank slate. I could start fresh with him. But after he tried to get me to open up, I shut down again. I had a panic attack thinking about how to tell him everything I thought I’d never have to. He freaked out at me freaking out and I ended up going back to being sick. Back to who I’d always been. And then I was fine, for a bit. Until I met James. And then Marcus happened,” you stopped for only a minute to gather yourself, “and I realized, I never stopped being the girl who would shut down whenever something went wrong. Whenever I had to be honest about who I was or what I was feeling. I have too much baggage”

“I don’t care!” he yelled, his body moving forward but his feet staying put

“But I do!” you shouted in return, the tears brimming your eyes once more, “okay? I do. I can’t ask you to commit to someone who’s scared all the time of you doing something just because you’re living your life. I can’t ask you to change everything just because I love you. Or because I want you to love me back.”

“What if I’m doing it because I love you?”

“You deserve to be loved, Tyler. Truly, honestly, completely, uncompromisingly loved. I want you to have that. Even if that means it’s not with me...”

“It is with you!” He tried

“I’m sorry,” you said, beginning to walk away, “I have loved every minute of my life with you. I wish I didn’t have to hurt you like this. It’s the last thing I want to do”

“Then don’t do it!” he pleaded

“We can’t get married, Ty”

“Fine” he tried, “we don’t have to get married. we’ll call this off, go get some pizza, change out of these clothes and go home. To our home. With our dogs. And our life together. We’ll just be together.” You dropped your head, shaking it as you did so, letting the tears bead off the tulle of your skirt and fall to the ground

“I love you, Tyler, so much you couldn’t possibly know,” your voice hitched as you kept your eyes on the ground, “but I can’t be with you right now”

“Why?!” he shouted, your family and his finally coming around the corner to see the last of the argument, “because you think you’re going to hurt me? like you don’t think this is hurting me?”

“You’ll get past this!” you shouted back, raising your head and catching a glimpse of Chris’ face, his sadness for you clearly evident in his expression, “you will get past this wedding not happening. You will get past me hurting you today. You will move on and be happy and fall in love and have the life you’ve always deserved. But if we get married, if we go through with this now, I will drag you down with me and I can’t allow that”

“You’re not going to drag me down...” he said calmly

“STOP!” you yelled, squeezing your eyes shut in frustration, eliciting a small string of tears from the corner of your eye, “I��m selfish. I’ve been selfish for the past six years. You and me have argued with each other and yelled at each other so many times because of me. Because I can’t let you in. Because I can’t just let myself trust you completely.”

“I’ve--” he stammered, finally taking a step to move closer to you

“No, please” you started, outstretching your hand so he didn’t get too close, “you are so wonderful. and you have been so wonderful to me. You’ve grown so much in these last 10 years and I am so happy that I’ve been able to see that and be there for some of it--”

“I haven’t outgrown you...” he replied, as if those were the words you were going to say next and you tilted your head to the side when you looked at him, following his eyes with yours while you prepared yourself to say goodbye

“Maybe you don’t think you have but we both know that we haven’t been moving together, at the same pace, for a long time. This isn’t your fault, Tyler, please don’t put this on you. Please don’t try to find some mistake that you made -- because you didn’t make one. I’ve chosen person after person because I saw something in them that I didn’t see in myself. Something I thought I could have for myself if I were just close enough to them. But I just-- I can’t... I don’t want to do that to you anymore. I--” you whimpered, trying to keep yourself composed but the rest of the guests beginning to circle and the look in Tyler’s eyes made it impossible for tears not to stream down your face, “I need to choose me this time. I need to find that something in myself that makes everything else worth doing...”

“You’ve said this before. We got through it then, we can get through it now,” he tried, stepping toward you once before you turned to walk away, “please.” His voice was soft now, filled with sadness that made your heart ache, almost too much for you to bear. You turned your head just barely so he could hear your voice one last time

“Goodbye Tyler” you whispered to him, picking the skirt of your dress up as you ran from him, stopping only when Jackie stood in your path. She stared at you, with your mascara staining your cheeks and your eyes still flooding with tears, and you feared what she might do; slap you, curse at you, say she was disappointed.

“You were part of our family” she said, small tears escaping her eyes, “we loved you. Why... how could you do this?” You couldn’t bring yourself to give her an answer because the look on her face said everything her voice couldn’t

“I’m sorry” you managed to mutter before you ran to the car waiting in the driveway. You hoped that someday they would all come to forgive you, and that the pain you’d caused would simply be a memory, but for now you could only watch as Tyler crumbled in his Mother’s arms as the tears he’d been containing were finally set free.

#Tyler Seguin #Tyler Seguin fic #Tyler Seguin Imagine #It Had To Be You #It Had To Be You Series #Tyler Seguin series #It Had To Be You fic #masterlist #the other masterlist #NHL Fic #NHL #NHL imagine #Dallas Stars #Dallas Stars imagine #next to last #second to last #penultimate

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danganronpa-ea · 3 years

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Chapter 5 Survivors Free Time Events part 1

So counting this is spoiler and if you haven’t read chapter 5, then please do ready them before you continue on this, this is a warning!

ALSO A TRIGGER WARNING: One of the Free Time events here is going to mention things like rape and teenager pregnancy, if you are trigger by any of the contents this Free Time Events contains, please tread carefully.

A world where those that didn’t make it or just couldn’t survive the cruel world get a chance here, A world where things are right… A world where death never happen.

I look around and saw that I was in the see where those dead would usually sit in, I guess this is what it’s like to be dead…

Well regardless – I gave a sigh as I knew, I could never be around them… I knew I could never be there for them but I just had to, I had to save Sunako-chan if Masa-san try anything and what Haku say… he knew Masa-san in that killing game, he… made good points towards her but then I shook my head.

I just hope… the others could stop him where I fail but anyway, I look down and saw about 7 buttons; Sunako-chan, Tomoe-san, Miwa-san, Eito-san, Doi-san, Haiiro-san and… Hana-san, the person that was my accomplice in this crime.

As then I decided to get this over with, as then I push the first button… Sunako-chan.

She then appears as she looks around then she saw me as shock to see me as then she teared up. “Yo-Your dead, aren’t you?” She asked, as then I gave a nod. “I… am so sorry but I had to protect you and I apologize.” I spoke which the girl look down.

“I… promise myself to face my memories and never let them go, Big Sis Fuji – I’ll be sure to never forget.” She spoke which I smiled. “Well, that’s good, then… you wish to talk?” I asked which she quickly nod.

Inoue Sunako Free Time Events!

Which then me and Sunako-chan began to talk about various things and even change subjects, she seems to enjoy talking to me and I couldn’t help but listen to her active imagination which I had a good laugh honestly.

Looks like me and Inoue-chan got closer together which is good!

I took out various crayons and things that can help one draw which I handed it to her. “Hmm, interesting items – this could help with my plans for world domination!” She spoke in a joke like matter, let’s hope that is the case…

It seems she smiled at me. “Sooo, gonna guess what my lil’ talent yet?” She asked with a huge smile which I try to think it over… she tends to act out and seems to listen to instruction. “Um, how about lil’ Ultimate Drama?” I asked which then she frown for a moment which she look sideways. “Um… no, I don’t really like that talent very much.” She stated which I was surprise with that reaction.

She doesn’t like acting? Well I guess some kids don’t like the idea of being on a stage. “You don’t like being on the stage?” I asked which she nodded as in a thinking pose. “I guess not, I mean – I just… never really saw myself as trying to get attention or even like being center stage maybe keeping your head low so you aren’t a teacher’s pet is better.” She stated which I was left confused by that statement.

So she hates being a teacher’s favorite which I blinked. “Still… I figure with how smart you are, I’m sure teachers must favor you for doing quite well, right?” I asked which then she put her hands behind her as moving her feet back and forth. “Well – sometimes but honestly, I rather just not have them touch me or even give me the time of day besides… there are some pretty bad people out there that tend to go after the young ones, plus I do hear mothers tend to push there kids on the stage… I just don’t like that at all.” She spoke which made me wonder about that.

Which got me to think. “Then… did your mother do that to you?” I asked which she thought it over. “Once but, I just couldn’t handle being on stage – I mean it must be easy for you to get on the stage and be in the limelight, right?” She told me with a huge smile.

She… seems to be dodging the question or doesn’t seem to like talking about herself at all, that really isn’t good…

Inoue Sunako, Ultimate Child Prodigy FTE: 3/5

It was then we decided to continue talking since time did not matter in dreams, correct?

Looks like me and Inoue-chan got closer together which is good!

As then I took out what look to be candies of all colours and even shapes, I heard they even got different flavors too which I gave to her. “Oooh, something I totally like! I’ll glad take that so thank you!” She thanked me as taking the item.

As then she had that smile again which I couldn’t tell if she was faking it or not but then she asked. “Well, time for another guess but keep in mind you only get 2 chances then that’s it!” She spoke which I was a bit confused by this.

“Right then, well… maybe Ultimate Social Studies? I mean you seem to handle speaking with people just fine.” She blinked then her face went a bit red. “I mean, I’m okay with that one but there is someone that’s better honestly, a boy actually…” She stated as looking away.

Something tells me that this might be someone she has a crush on…

Suddenly the child looks at me with shock. “He-Hey, don’t give me that weird look! I mean, it’s not like I could ever be with him anyway since he has his eyes on someone else…” She admitted which I blinked as then she sighed. “I mean, the girl he likes is pretty popular in class plus it’s some dumb kid crush anyway, it’s not like he has much reason to like me.” She stated as a matter of fact then I huffed.

“Hey, I think there are quite a few traits you have that could have boys like you; I mean people might find your intelligence rather nice, your sense of humor could be funny and even if you can get nosey – I do think if given time maybe they’ll learn to like you more.” I told her which she blinked then she still didn’t seem sure.

I get a strange feeling Sunako-chan was someone that doesn’t want to speak of this crush of hers which then I asked. “Well, maybe you can tell me what you like about this boy?” I asked which she try to think then smiled a little but not by much. “We-Well, he’s really super smart and pretty patient, like even if we cause mischief or trouble, he tends to be quite calm. He really does try to keep everything under control and have quite a good head on his shoulder; I uh… even recall a time he ask if I was okay after my mommy got into a coma since I was still pretty down about it.” She told me which I smiled a bit.

“From the sounds of it, I could see why you could be crushing on him, he seems reliable…” I stated which she smiled but then it became a frown. “Yep, but… sometimes I can’t help but feel bad when everyone expects from him; he always worries he’ll never meet up to standards, I mean… he already has impressed me enough and honestly if you have expectations place on you – you’ll end up failing in the end…” She spoke which I blinked.

I guess that would be a reason people would be afraid of that which I spoke. “Then… are you afraid of that too?” I asked which she seems surprise. “Huh?” “You seem scared people would have expectations for you or you feel you’ll fail them, right?” I asked which she went silent then she sighed.

“Maybe but even then, I… don’t think it matters much – seeing as he already has his eyes set on someone that probably make him happy, besides love is weird anyway~.” She spoke as laughing at that rather… depressing puppy crush story.

I… wasn’t sure what to say on the matter or even sure how to address this at all…

Inoue Sunako, Ultimate Child Prodigy FTE: 4/5

It was then we decided to continue talking since time did not matter in dreams, correct?

Looks like me and Inoue-chan got closer together which is good!

I then went to grab a calculator that seems to handle any equations but I’m not sure if Sunako-chan would find this interesting as then I gave it to her which her eyes light up. “Oh gosh, this is something I really really want, I totally want this so bad so thank you, thank you, thank yooou!” She spoke in excitement as then she puts it away.

She… really seem to like that gift so I’m happy to see that she’s happy.

As then she gave one straight expression. “So… you wish to give this game one more try?” She asked which as then I started to think it over then I shook my head. “I don’t think so but I did learn quite a bit about you during my time so… I don’t think I’ll play this game anymore if you don’t want to.” I stated which she blinked.

She sighed then shrugged. “I… guess we can stop, I was personally getting bored of that game and even then the girl I was talking about has a talent that makes everyone follow her and… she’s someone that’s my friend or well, formerly.” She spoke which I seem surprise.

The girl that the boy she had a crush had a crush on was an lil’ Ultimate talent which then she looks at me. “Like I say my talent isn’t really that special and even then, the lil Ultimate talent she has is one you have in the morning and everyone seems to like it and listen to her, unlike me of course which I don’t mind…” She spoke.

So there is a class that this girl she sees as her former friend that is good at this class that everyone has… it is…

-Science

-Home Ed

>Homeroom

I try to think a class everyone has in the morning then I recall. “Um, Homeroom? I do recall liking that class when I was a kid, is that the lil Ultimate talent your former friend has?” I asked which she gave a first nod.

“Yep, I mean as say my mommy and her daddy’s company work together in robotics, I tend to spend a lot of time with her and she tends to like my ideas but… she made everyone of our friends hate me due to one idea I had but…” She suddenly went silent as I also went silent, the conversation then she closes her eyes and spoke.

“But hey, it’s okay! I mean I’m with all of you and honestly, I think that’s what I like! I rather be here in the present and now then focus on the past! I mean, isn’t that what matters in the end…?”

She spoke as giving me a teary smile, clearly the girl seems to confess something to me and honestly while I couldn’t be sure what to say but… I understand Sunako-chan quite a bit which I suppose if she feels that way…

No, I’m sure she could still accept those bad memories and try to not be scare of them anymore if she works at it but maybe I’ll tell her later… I’m sure of it.

Inoue Sunako, Ultimate Child Prodigy FTE: 5/5

Congrats you have finish up all Free time events with Inoue Sunako; give yourself a pat on the back!

After that I did talk about other things with Sunako-chan to try and get her mind off the conversation – even if it isn’t much but… at least it’s something, right?

However even if I’m not there for her anymore, I’m sure she can face those fears with the others…

Then after a while I decided to press the next button which would be Tomoe-chan’s which then she appears which she looks around then look to me. “Fuji-chan, I… guess you appear in my dream, huh?” She asked which I gave a silent nod. “Yep, which I guess you all figure out what happen, right?” I asked which she went silent.

“We did, I’m… that Haku really dangerous; he’s able to convince you to go through with this plan of yours but will be sure to stop him.” She told me which I smiled a bit. “Thank you, I really hope you can do that where I failed…” I commented which then she smiles.

Seems I guess will start a conversation…

Kimura Tomoe Free Time Events!

As then me and Tomoe-san began to talk quite a bit and honestly the conversation was pretty interesting and nice, I really couldn’t help but feel engaged with talking with her about recent trends and had fun.

Seems me and Tomoe-san grew a bit closer…

I took out some flower-scented perfume bottle which I gave her. “Ah for me, thank you! I’ll gladly take it.” She thanked me as taking the bottle. Seems she likes it so that’s good, suddenly Tomoe-san went quiet again which then she had a serious expression.

“Fuji-chan, I had wonder something… how was your relationship with your dad before he died?” She asked which I went silent then I spoke up and smiled. “Well my dad tend to be pretty stern and while busy, I think he care for me but I think mom says I tend to get my personality from him which… I guess isn’t too far off, why do you ask?” I stated which she nodded then look the other way.

Seems she was wondering what to say in this then she sighed. “I see, then that’s good to hear that since I remember our conversation and thinking of how my father was, see my father was a Hope’s Peak Student – his talent works pretty well with my mom, it was the Ultimate Wedding Planner I recall he always loved weddings and had a joy in creating them, he truly was a man that love love, y’know.” She commented which I guess people tend to find there love in various things.

I smiled a bit. “That sounds like a pretty fun talent to have, you must of gone to them, huh?” I asked which she shrugged. “Not really, some of the weddings were for people I didn’t know but when my dad was around he tends to show me various photos of weddings, couples and how they are set up; I even recall a time he jokingly ask me of what colour of roses he should go for as well…” She giggled a bit recalling the memory.

I couldn’t help but feel that from the sounds of her and her dad got along pretty well which then she seem a bit sadden by this. “I… even recall a time that I told my dad that if I ever get marry, I wanted him to set up my wedding and… he promises he would which it was before he went on the ship and well… y’know what happen after that.” She say as she went to silent which I was silent as well with a sadden expression.

“Thinking back on that day, mother… really did change and not for the better, she stop function and while she attended certain events but she never really felt like she was there,” Tomoe-san stated which then she bit her lip and close her eyes. “I even recall a talent show I was in which I ask mom to attend which… she never did, I think it was the first time I actually hated my mother and started to not like her at all… like I get she was hurt and upset that dad was gone but even then, she had a kid to take care of…” She spoke which I frown for a moment.

I gave a small nod. “It… does seem like she really love you father, has she move on or even try to see other people?” I asked which she shook her head. “No, she never has – I mean she had men approach her before but she show no interest, I guess it shows how loyal she was…” She stated which I gave a nod.

Something tells me that Tomoe-san is still talking about her mother and even her father as well which from the sounds of it… they seem like a happy family before he passed away and the mother and daughter are having a hard time understanding the other’s prospective but it seems Tomoe-san is trying to…

Kimura Tomoe, Ultimate Acapella Singer FTE: 3/5

It was then we decided to continue talking since time did not matter in dreams, correct?

Seems me and Tomoe-san grew a bit closer…

As then I took out a decorative box that can carry anything in which then I gave it to her. “Oh, how lovely – thank you for giving this me.” She thanked me which as then she went silent again as trying to think over the situation once more.

“I’m… still trying to understand my mother, like I get people would be annoyed talking about her and I do need to move on and…” “Tomoe-san, it’s fine…” I stated which she seems surprise by my reaction.

As then I cross my arms as I spoke. “Look, you’re grieving and mourning which I think people would understand that, which if you ask me regarding how your mother felt… Personally I think it’s more of miscommunication both parts, you 2 didn’t know how to speak if you ask me.” I told her which she seems surprise which then she looks to the ground then wiped her eyes.

She must be tearing up as then she sighed then gave a nod…

“Yes, I… suppose your right, I just don’t know what to think or feeling regarding her but even then, I actually when I grew my first set of flowers…” She stated which she laughed a bit as I smiled a bit as she continues. “I think my first set of flowers turn out to be pretty bad, I couldn’t even recall what the flowers were but when I show mother, I couldn’t tell if she felt like I did try or maybe felt sorry for me but I was really please with my work. I think that was a nice memory to have.” She told me with a sad smile.

As then I thought over for a moment as then continue. “Well maybe she didn’t want to hurt your feelings since you were so proud of them.” I brought up which she shrugged. “Yeah, I guess not but yet again she did snap at the Saionji’s only daughter for stomping on the flowers and then she started to cry… I assume she did that because she got in trouble.” She frown, annoyed.

I gave a nod, I guess some kids don’t like flowers which then Tomoe-san was thinking. “I mean – my mom work very hard on them and she was being disrespectful, I even recall her saying the flowers were pretty… despite her stepping on them, then she made a cruel comment that if I were a flower; she would just burn it which… isn’t very nice.” She spoke which I was a bit nervous.

“So… What did you do with that girl?” I asked which she smile as tilting her head to the side. “Well, let’s saying leaving a dead rat on her bed was some nice karma, which yes I did get yelled at but she did start it.” She spoke as if she did nothing wrong.

Something tells me her and this girl did not get along very well it seem…

Kimura Tomoe, Ultimate Acapella Singer FTE: 4/5

It was then we decided to continue talking since time did not matter in dreams, correct?

Seems me and Tomoe-san grew a bit closer…

Which then I gave Tomoe-san some decorative sweets which she took them. “Oh my, thank you – Fuji-chan, I love these!” She say as she put them away.

However as then Tomoe-san gave a sigh as then she spoke. “Fuji-chan, I’m not sure what to say to you for spending so much time with me so I think I’ll say this… thank you for making me realize somethings about my mother and making me realize that we both suffer in a way.” She told me which I blinked.

“But I… didn’t do much honestly, I just figure I listen to you.” I told her which she was in a thinking. “I… suppose your right, but even then I do think it did help me figure things out and maybe, if we do find Haku – I can move forward with the others…” She told me with a smile.

I could surely see that Tomoe-san has come to terms with her mother’s passing and then she spoke with certainty.

“While I still don’t know what my mother thought in her final moments or if I’ll ever forgive Ohta but I know for sure – I’ll try and be there for everyone else, especially Eito-kun and Sunako-chan!”

It seems that girl was ready to move forward and while her mother is gone, she does seem to be ready for that and even then…

I did feel a strong bond between Tomoe-san and myself, which I couldn’t help but smile at her resolve.

Kimura Tomoe, Ultimate Acapella Singer FTE: 5/5

Congrats you have finish up all Free time events with Kimura Tomoe; give yourself a pat on the back!

As then we spoke a bit more, about topics and even recent trends that got to enjoy the company of the other…

But still, it’s nice to hear that after Tomoe-san is going to move forward, making a step in the right direction as then I press the next which was for… Miwa-san, as she appears.

She began to look around at where she is then she saw me looking at her. “Hello…” I greeted which she frowns. “So… we solve your case and, the fact you came up with a murder plan is what I was not expecting but… I guess one of us would need to take up a leadership position, right?” She asked which I gave a nod.

“Then, I’ll try and do that… for everyone of those that have died, so thank you for having us work together; Fuji-chan…” She thanked me.

I guess we should start talking some more…

Mori Miwa’s Free Time Events!

We thus began to converse with each other and speak about matters that were important and even things that I couldn’t help but be captivated by her, maybe that’s the perk of a figure skater…

Looks like me and Miwa-san grew closer…

As then I took out a cup of hot cocoa which Miwa-san seem happy. “Oh, for me? Well thank you, I do need this.” She thanked me however as then I smiled. “So are we going to skate again?” I asked which she eyed me which she shook her head.

“I’m sorry but… I’m not in a very good mood, I think it’s mostly after what happen with Hanlon-san, I… started to rethink what I thought of him originally…” She spoke which I look to the ground.

I did recall that Norman-san felt regret for what he did so… maybe Miwa-san does realize that too. “I mean, he seems to have regret his action – honestly if it were my first coach then he would of ran away like a damn coward…” She stated with anger in her voice.

Something tells me this coach of hers must be a very bad person which I stare at her. “So… what did your former coach do to you?” I asked which she scowled and spoke clearly. “Here’s the thing… you must not speak of this matter to anyone else… He sexually assaulted me and rape me.” She say to me which my face went pale.

Miwa-san… was rape, it was pretty hard to imagine it at all and I never heard of this news about her – at most I only recall her having to take a break from skating for a year and even avoided public attention for sometime.

As then Miwa-san turn away as avoiding eye contact. “It was about three years ago when it happens too, pretty much be nearly a year since I had train with the him; he was someone that I could trust and give me pointers of how to improve on my technique and footing however he tends to get too close and personal…” She paused which I look nervous since I could see why.

As then she began to hug herself. “I… even recall when it was during one of his drunk fits which suddenly, he punches me in the face and knock me up, likely confusing me for his wife who had the same hair colour as me while I was knock out, which after hours of waking up I realize… the asshole had his way with me.” She stated as shivering, clearly this man was someone I would not like either.

“He… sounds like a very bad person.” I told her which she glares. “No shit he was bad, and worse I realize that I started to feel sick and discover it when I told him, he ran away… like the coward he is.” She spoke which I blinked. “Wait, he ran away but… why? What happen?” I asked which she look to the ground.

It seems that there was a reason he ran away. “Well, you know why some men leave and counting my period was running later then normal… it should be obvious what happen, in fact I had to take a break off of skating for a good while after it happen too.” She told me as clearly the subject matter was a bit iffy.

-Vacation

>Pregnancy

-Lawsuit

I suddenly went silent as fear soon crept on me when I realize why her former coach ran away which Miwa-san notice the expression on my face. “Seems you figure it out, I had considered abortion at the time but it would cause attention, so I went on a so called ‘vacation’ for a year when I decided to birth the child…” She went quiet which I went silent as well.

I’m… not sure what to say to do, how would you respond to that or even say since honestly, Miwa-san seems to hold a certain standard for men which… I can’t blame her at all.

Mori Miwa, Ultimate Figure Skater FTE: 3/5

It was then we decided to continue talking since time did not matter in dreams, correct?

We thus began to converse with each other and speak about matters that were important and even things that I couldn’t help but be captivated by her, maybe that’s the perk of a figure skater…

Looks like me and Miwa-san grew closer…

I took out some postcards and stamps that seem to have some strange ability based on the sender as I hand it to her. “Hm, I think the gift is lovely so thank you very much.” She thanked me as she put it away.

She seems pretty serious expression, it… seems awkward to ask about skating after hearing what happen with Miwa-san which she didn’t seem in the mood to skate either.

“So, … Did you tell anyone else about this? I think if Norman-san knew about this then I think he would of stop to realize his action.” I asked which then she shook her head but bit her lip. “I never did, I told anyone what happen since my career as a figure skater would be ruin, and sadly people would start to blame me, I’ve only told a select few.” She told me which got me worried.

It… must be a personal issue and just the fact that she had to deal with that which then she looks to me with a small frown as furrowing her eyebrows. “So, what happen with the child?” “They are likely with some good people.” She answers quickly as I was surprise. “You see, the only people I’ve told were a select few; my grandmother, my current coach, some doctors which they were pay to keep quiet, the adoption agency and the parents of the child I am going to get birth to.” She explained.

I really wasn’t sure what to say to her and then she looks to the side. “I even told the parents to not tell the child where they came from, they simply pay me and the affair was kept private and… it’s been 3 years, likely the child in question is a toddler by now.” She spoke as thinking it over which I realize something.

“Hold on, do you even know what they look like?” I asked which she shook her head. “No, I don’t and honestly I think it’s for the best I didn’t. Even then I’m sure however they are doing, probably they had a way better life then I could ever offer.” She told me which I went quiet which then I asked about.

As I notice that despite that horrid story, she didn’t seem to have an issue with men. “Well, I’m sure that child is likely being taken care of.” “It’s all I hope for, but anyway after I got back to skating I… started to be cautious of men or behaviors I’ve notice, I didn’t want the same thing to happen if I got a coach which… I did, my current one was saying to be a team manager that train a baseball team to nationals.” She spoke with a small smile.

It seems that Miwa-san seem happy about him. “I guess you must have trusted him, right?” I asked which she gave a firm nod. “At first, I was honestly wary of him – I didn’t trust him that well and I fear the same thing would happen again but, when I told him when he ask, he… understood my situation and even promise he won’t reveal this information but what he says to me… help me quite a bit.” She spoke which I blinked.

“What did he say to you?” I asked which then she smiled a bit. “Trust has to be earn, trust between an athlete and a coach which would need to respect each other – As say if you aren’t comfortable around me then I understand, but keep in mind… there are others that would understand if you tell them like you told me.” She spoke which she went silent which she close her eyes.

It seems that she forgot those words and then had her hands on her chest. “Which, how funny I forgot his words but maybe he’s right… if I told Norman-san what happen or anyone else, but I’m not sure how he would react if he was alive knowing this information.” She spoke which she look to the ground.

It seems that Miwa-san clearly had trust issues and honestly, I don’t blame her but she does seem to hold a certain standard for people which… is understandable.

Mori Miwa, Ultimate Figure Skater FTE: 4/5

It was then we decided to continue talking since time did not matter in dreams, correct?

We thus began to converse with each other and speak about matters that were important and even things that I couldn’t help but be captivated by her, maybe that’s the perk of a figure skater…

Looks like me and Miwa-san grew closer…

I then took out some block that is good for sharpening blades or any metal which she seems happy. “Oh, this could help me with skating so thank you!” She thanked me as then she took the item as then she smiled.

“Fuji-chan, I think after talking with you… maybe trusting everyone wouldn’t be so bad. I was worried I would start to distrust people or think all of them were bad but I can see now I was wrong.” She thanked me which I smiled a bit. “Well, maybe you just needed to be reminded what your current coach told you…” I told her which she laughed a bit.

I guess she was feeling better and gave a nod. “Yes, I suppose your right – I mean there are still people out there that remind me of my first coach but… I know now that there are people out there that mean no harm and would understand my situation if I told them so… maybe trusting you all would help me.” She spoke as then she declared something that I couldn’t help but feel proud of her to say.

“Trust in those that trust you, trust in those that won’t harm you, trust in those that are your friends – then that trust will keep you going… I think I should trust everyone and we can work together and be stronger.”

She spoke as it seems the girl had started to trust me and see me as a friend as then she smiles. “Well, I feel better telling you so… maybe we should try skating again?” She asked which I smiled quite a bit. “Sure thing, let’s go and I think with your help I’ll surely get better~.” I told her which she gave a nod in agreement.

I could tell that Miwa-san does trust me and I’m glad that she does, I feel a pretty strong bond between myself and the figure skater so I’m glad to hear she’ll trust the others even after what happen.

Mori Miwa, Ultimate Figure Skater FTE: 5/5

Congrats you have finish up all Free time events with Mori Miwa; give yourself a pat on the back!

As then me and Miwa-san got up and decided to try and do a bit more skating, I actually started to get better and even do some tricks, thanks to her help… I had a lot of fun honestly.

Even if I tripped up and mess somewhere, she gave me pointers to improve and even told me that looking down at your feet would make you trip even more so I didn’t do that and it work! I was happy to finally learn how to skate, thanks to her.

As then I return back to my seat after she disappear which then look at the buttons left, I had 4 left to speak with and learn about… who to go for next.

#Danganronpa Every After 2 #DR: EA2 #Dangan Fangan #DR: EA2 FTEs #DREA 2 FTEs #Fuji Okamoto #tw: rape mention #tw: teen pregnancy #tw: abortion mention

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flipomatic · 3 years

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Internship Chapter 12: Day 8 - Amity

First Chapter Previous Chapter

_________________________________________________________

After going to watch the abomination wrestling match and talking with Luz about visiting all the covens, Amity knew which one she wanted to do next. It was one she had always wanted to visit, and had missed an opportunity to tour when her ankle was broken.

The Emperor’s Coven, otherwise known as her goal since childhood. She had given up on getting a tour of any of their facilities, since normally they wouldn’t let non members inside. She’d missed her only chance, until now.

Now she had an in, since Edric was interning there. Yes, he was based out of the jail instead of the Emperor’s Castle, but it was still one of their facilities. Amity had always wanted to see inside, to see what happened there. If she was going to explore other covens, she might as well take some time to learn more about the Emperor’s Coven too, she told herself. For research.

When she talked to Luz about visiting, they decided that Luz shouldn’t go. After what happened with Lilith and Eda, the jail was the last place she should try to take a tour of. It was just too risky. Luz would look around for other coven activities they could do, so it was fine if Amity went alone to this one.

That was the easier conversation, compared to the one Amity faced this morning. She was sitting in the kitchen, eating breakfast. She made sure to get up earlier than usual, so she could snag Ed before he left for the day. He had spent the whole weekend stewing in a dense cloud of irritation, which Em said was because of the internship, so Amity had put off talking to him until there was no time left.

That was what led to her waiting for him to pass by the kitchen. Em had already come and gone, snagging a piece of toast and expressing how unexcited she was for the second week of her internship.

When Ed finally appeared, about ten minutes later than Amity expected him, he was already dressed in his coven uniform. He carried the mask, dangling it from his fingers carelessly. Amity had already finished eating.

“You’re up early.” Ed commented when he saw her. He went over to the counter to take the already prepared toast, jamming it in his mouth.

“You’re the one who’s late.” Amity quipped back, with one eyebrow raised.

Ed rolled his eyes, taking a bite out of his toast. “Yeah yeah I know.” He took an apple from the bowl on the counter then sat down at the table. “How much do I have to pay you to take my place today?” He asked in a dead serious tone.

The corner of Amity’s mouth lifted in a small smile. “I would do it for free.” She meant that.

“If only you didn’t have to go to school.” Ed chuckled, though it sounded insincere. He finished his toast, moving on to the apple.

This was a good chance to ask that question, as the topic was similar. “Speaking of your internship,” Amity tried to segue smoothly. “Do you think I could come by for a tour this afternoon?”

“Hmm.” Ed mulled it over, placing his elbow on the table. “I’m fine with that, but I’ll have to ask Frederick if it’s okay. He’ll probably say no.” He said with a grimace. “Just come at 4:00, I’ll meet you out front.”

Even with the uncertainty of approval, that was a win. “Thanks Ed!” Amity grinned, rising from her chair. “I’ll be right on time.” She picked up her plate to wash it.

“A few minutes late is fine too.” He shrugged, not seeming to care. “I’ll come out to get you.”

Amity finished washing her plate, then placed it in the rack to dry. “See you then.” She moved to leave the kitchen, having succeeded in her goal. Ed waved halfheartedly as she left, continuing to eat his apple.

Amity went upstairs to get ready for school, excited for the day to come.

Put a line

After school, Amity wandered around town until it was time to meet Ed at the jail. She was both excited and nervous to finally see inside the Emperor’s Coven facilities. There was still a chance that Ed wouldn’t be able to take her inside, but based on how he talked about it that morning it would probably happen regardless. He didn’t have much respect for the rules.

Amity kept checking the clock on her scroll, waiting for the time to come. When there were about ten minutes left, she walked towards the jail. She knew exactly where it was and how to get there. Even though Ed said it was fine to be late, by her standards it was absolutely not fine.

When Amity was close enough to see the building, she could also see Edric waiting on the street corner. He was slouching, with his mask on the ground and hood down. When he saw Amity approaching, he waved her over.

“Hey.” Ed greeted her as she stopped in front of him. “So, I asked Frederick. And he said no.”

That was bad news. “Oh.” Amity’s spirit fell, her excitement quickly draining.

Ed held up a hand, signaling for her to wait. “Don’t worry though, I’m taking you in anyway.” This turned Amity’s mood back around, though she wasn’t sure if that was a good idea.

“If they already said I can’t come in, won’t they kick me out?” She asked, doubting that they would even let her in.

Ed’s smirk grew. “As I said, don’t worry. I have a plan.” He spun a finger in the air to create a magic circle, triggering an illusion spell.

When it activated, it looked like nothing happened at first. “Was that supposed to do something?” Amity raised one eyebrow.

“Look down.” Ed smirked as he layered in another illusion spell. Confused, Amity did as he said. Her confusion only grew when she realized that she couldn’t see her hands, or her body for that matter. Instead, only the ground was visible below her.

“This is impressive.” Amity had to admit as she held her arm up to her face to see if it was fully invisible. All she could see was a slight waver of the light as it passed through, which wasn’t bad at all for an invisibility spell. A moment later Ed layered in a third spell, and the wavering vanished.

“Why thank you.” Ed took a fake bow, flourishing with one hand. “I accept tips.” When Amity didn’t laugh, he continued a moment later. “Make sure to stay close to me, since I can’t see you either, and try to stay quiet.”

Amity nodded, then upon realizing he couldn’t see her said, “Will do.”

“Let’s head in then.” Ed picked his mask up off the ground, dusting it off before putting it over his face and lifting his hood. He walked towards the entrance to the jail and Amity followed behind. A couple Emperor’s Coven members were leaving, but they passed by Ed without a word. Amity made sure to stay out of their paths.

When they reached the entrance, Ed held the door open long enough to let Amity pass without suspicion. She looked around the lobby once she was inside. There were a few desks with coven members behind them, likely for processing incoming arrests and transfers. They looked cool and interesting; she wanted to pause and watch them.

Ed hadn’t stopped, clearly underestimating Amity’s desire to see everything the coven had to offer. He walked over to a side door, pulling it open. Amity had to stop looking around the room to follow him, barely making the door before it swung shut behind him. It was hard to know if she was going to make it without drawing suspicion, since she couldn’t see her own body.

The hallway ahead was empty. “Don’t leave me behind.” Amity hissed into Ed’s ear, quietly as not to be heard by others.

“Make sure to keep up.” He replied, matching her volume. They walked past a set of closed doors, not stopping at any of them. “These are offices, I don’t know who works here and I don’t care.”

Amity was looking for more detail than that from her tour guide, but another coven member was passing by so she couldn’t ask. She stayed directly behind Ed to avoid being walked into by accident.

After the doors, they reached a hallway intersection. Ed turned right, so Amity followed. This hallway was short, leading to a door. “This is the dispatcher’s office. He gives me all the worst jobs.”

“Ooh.” So the coven members were deployed from here, that was so cool. Ed was being sassier than usual, likely since he clearly didn’t like being placed here. Amity wasn’t bothered by it. “Can we go inside?”

Ed shook his head. “It would be suspicious, so no.” That was disappointing, but there was no time to dwell on it since Ed started walking back towards the intersection. Amity gave the dispatcher door one last lingering look, before following.

They turned right again at the hallway intersection, again walking down a hallway. There were two doors at the end of this one. Ed opened the one on the right, holding it so Amity could enter with him. The room on the other side had a small kitchen area and a couch, perhaps a break room or something like that.

Luckily there were no coven members inside. “This is my favorite room, the staff lounge.” Ed gestured around the room. “Though I spend almost no time here.”

Amity wandered over to one of the couches; Emperor’s Coven members took breaks here. She had always dreamed of seeing places like this, it felt unreal to be standing in it. She sat down, in the same spot a coven member had sat, and couldn’t help but grin.

Ed didn’t seem as enthused. “Let’s keep moving.” He said, walking back to the door. Reluctantly, Amity stood to follow him.

He held the door open so she could leave, then crossed over to the other door. “This is the training area.” He said before opening it. “Where Frederick tortures me.” Amity chuckled at that as he held the door open and the pair went inside.

Her eyes widened when she saw the room on the other side. It was huge, way larger than she had expected. A few coven members were there, training with various weapons and types of magic. One of the coven members had looked over when they entered, and he called out to Ed.

“Edric, did you find what you were looking for?” The coven member yelled from across the room. He was wearing a mask like all the others, so Amity couldn’t see his face.

“That’s Frederick.” Ed muttered to Amity, then raised his voice to reply. “I found it, thanks!” He then muttered again, just as quietly as before. “Told him I lost something so he wouldn’t ask too many questions.”

Amity would’ve loved a chance to ask Frederick some questions of her own, but unfortunately she wouldn’t be able to. She also wanted to look more around this room, but again Ed was hurrying her along.

They left the training room and walked back to the intersection, where they turned down the last hallway. There were once again two doors at the end of it.

“These are the locker rooms. Nothing really to see here.” Ed gestured at each door. “And that’s everything.”

“I can’t believe you get to come here every day.” Even though she didn’t get to see everything she wanted, it was still amazing for Amity to be there.

“You get used to it.” Ed quipped with a roll of his eyes, which was barely visible behind the mask, before turning around to walk back towards the intersection. “Let’s get out of here.”

Amity trailed behind him, not eager to leave so soon. She didn’t have a choice though, so she followed Ed out of the Emperor’s Coven wing. They passed through the lobby again, and then exited the building.

Once they made it back to the corner where they started, Ed dropped the invisibility spell. Amity knew because she could once again see her own hands.

“Thanks again for the tour.” Amity said, glad she was able to do it despite the hiccups.

“No problem.” Ed had taken his mask back off and had a sort of half smile. “Now run along sprout, I’ll be home later.”

“See you later.” Amity waved goodbye before they parted ways. She headed towards home and Ed walked off in the opposite direction.

While she walked, she thought about the tour. Despite the limitations, she had loved seeing all of the different places within the coven. She still wanted to join the Emperor’s Coven someday, still hoped that could happen.

It wasn’t certain of course, which was why she was exploring other covens in the first place.

Despite liking the Emperor’s Coven so much, Amity knew she should keep an open mind about the rest.

She wondered if Luz found more information on which coven they should visit next. Amity was interested in seeing where they would go and what she would learn on this journey.

Next Chapter

#the owl house #the owl house fanfiction #edric blight #amity blight #spending time together and sneaking in to places #flip writes

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soyouwannaconverttojudaism · 5 years

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Hi! So i’m a 17 year old trans dude looking into converting to reform judaism. I’ve done research but the Jewish community in my town is very small, and i’m a bit scared to talk to a rabbi. I also just don’t know where the conversion process should start. Any advice at all?

Hey! Thanks for reaching out; I love hearing from other trans folks who find themselves called to Judaism.

So the conversion process always starts with a rabbi, cantor, or other Jewish community member who is in a position where they can teach students who are studying toward conversion. Many of these teachers will want you to be 18 before you begin formal studies, as becoming Jewish is a huge decision! (Some states also have difficult laws about offering religious instruction to minors.) That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t reach out, it’s just something to be aware of.

What’s got you feeling scared about talking to a rabbi? It’s a rabbi’s job to guide, lead, and educate the Jewish community they serve. They work in partnership with the community to ensure that everyone is thriving Jewishly, whatever that looks like for them. That includes people who are still exploring what it would mean to do anything Jewishly! The rabbi in your area may be busy or have a lot going on (if you do reach out, I recommend waiting until November, when we’re out of the absolute jam-packed holy-day madness that is the month of Tishrei).

If you’re feeling anxious because you feel you don’t know enough yet or don’t yet have a strong enough conviction to become Jewish, that’s totally okay! A rabbi or other teacher won’t necessarily expect you to know a whole lot about being Jewish; they won’t even expect you to know how much you don’t know. Your first contact with a Jewish teacher is not a test to see how much you've learned about Judaism on your own. Both rabbis I’ve worked with have also told me that they expect the vast majority of people who reach out to them about converting won’t actually go through with it, either at all or within a year or two of their first introduction. So reaching out to a rabbi or other teacher is also not a legally binding contract - it is fine, at any point in the process of conversion, to change your mind or take a step back. Many rabbis will also want you to study with them and participate in the community for a little while before they take you on as a formal conversion student (this was the case for me, anyway, and I hear stories like it often).

All of this to say, your first reach-out to a rabbi should just be to introduce yourself, express your interest in Judaism, and articulate one or two things about Judaism and Jewish life that have you curious. Then you ask if they could follow up with you at a time that’s convenient for them, leave some contact info, and you're out! I recommend you check the “reaching out to rabbis” tag, which should have templates for that first email - which I know can be super nerve-wracking!

And now, my dear trans little brother, I have your first set of recommended reading/listening into the trans Jewish world, which is vibrant and alive and so wonderfully full of its own special energy. This is not at all an exhaustive list of texts written about trans Jewish life, but it’s all texts that are near and dear to my heart.

Books:

Balancing on the Mechitza, ed. Noach Dzmura, who is also a trans man and converted to Judaism as an adult and is just. so cool.

The Rainbow Thread, by Noam Sienna, technically an anthology of LGBTQ+ texts. (Also still fairly new and can be a bit pricey!)

Through the Door of Life and Soul of a Stranger: Reading God and Torah from a Transgender Perspective, by Joy Ladin - the first book is her autobiography and the second is her trans Torah commentaries. Pretty big trigger warnings around that first one for a lot of trauma related to being unable to come out and transitioning. She also has books of poetry!!

Online:

TransTorah. Just. Head to the resources page and enjoy.

Keshet. Sort of THE organization promoting equality for LGBTQ+ Jews in Jewish life. They are certainly not the only such organization doing that work, but in terms of national scope and visibility, Keshet gets it done.

Sefaria. Also just maybe the most excellent online platform for textual Jewish learning, but here I’ve linked specifically their “transgender in Judaism” findings.

Judaism Unbound. Just my favorite podcast in the whole world. Please note it comes from a *very* Reform/Humanistic Judaism perspective and some of what the hosts and guests say is probably pretty objectionable to many Jews. But there’s really nothing we can say about Judaism that won’t be objectionable to many Jews - that’s sort of part of the whole deal. Here’s their interview with Joy Ladin and with Noam Sienna!

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d0gdaze · 5 years

Text

The body swap au a surprising amount of people asked for, actually.

Read on AO3 / Summary

Pairings: Eddie Kaspbrak / Richie Tozier

Warnings: swearing, sexual references

Chapter 9/?

Prev | Next

Word Count: 4490

Eddie’s playlist

_______________________________________________________________________

Do no harm, but take no crap.

His father had said that to him once when he was fourteen, over the kitchen table with a mouthful of scrambled egg. It was a rare week when both of his parents had been present for breakfast every single day, and Richie was striving to fit as much conversation and banter in with them as he could before his lucky streak ended. That morning, while Maggie sat sipping her coffee and idly perusing the lifestyle section of a home and garden magazine, he was trying to build up a decent back and forth with Wentworth. It started with Richie talking about the previous afternoon's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles episode – well, it was more of a scene by scene reenactment –, and Went had soon tried to redirect the subject to school, and grades, and stuff Richie didn't feel much like talking about but he took the hint and indulged it anyway. After a while, his mother made an offhand comment about 'the nice boy next door,' and if 'you two were getting along yet', and he had groaned over-dramatically and made a show of face-planting into the table.

At that point, the Kaspbrak's had only lived there for a little over a month, and the only interactions he'd had with Eddie since their arrival had been brief and unpleasant.

“Pardon my french, ma, but that kid's an asshole,” he'd told her, then shovelled a heaped spoon of lucky charms into his mouth. Maggie had tsked, glancing up at Went and shaking her head before turning back to Richie.

“I don't think he has any friends, Rich,” she'd said, taking another sip from her mug, “I talked to his mother and she's-” she paused, thinking over her words for a moment, then sighed, “I'm sure he'll warm up to you soon.”

Richie had started to argue, but his father had cleared his throat and shot him a look that stopped him in his tracks.

“Do no harm, kiddo,” Went had said then, “but take no crap. From any of 'em. You remember that.”

Richie wasn't going to ask what that meant, but he'd nodded and given his dad a salute and a barking 'Yes Sir!', and Went had finished his food, pushed his chair back from the table and rinsed off his plate in the sink.

Now, Richie wasn't keeping extensive track of what harm he might be doing, but he sure as hell was taking a lot of crap lately.

After Eddie had taken a few tugs on the ol' lung sucker and calmed down enough to be reasoned with – calm by his standards, at least –, Richie could focus his attention on more important matters.

“What the fuck did you do to my hair?” he asked, really noticing for the first time how flat it looked. It was all slicked back out of his face, emphasising assets that Richie wasn't too keen about showing off, and oh, yeah he could smell the hairspray now. He reached up, attempting to dislodge a few curls and restore some volume, but didn't get very far before his hand was being slapped away.

“I couldn't stand it, dude!” Eddie whisper-yelled, re-smoothing it back down, “It was like, getting in my eyes and my mouth and shit – do you know how many kids here probably have lice?”

“You know that's a myth, right?”

Eddie blinked at him, for an extended moment, his mouth gaping in a goldfish-like fashion.

“Wh- LICE?” he actual-yelled now, his voice cracking, and man, his eyes were fucking huge in those glasses. How did anyone ever take him seriously?

(Sidenote: they didn't.)

Well, he thought, yeah. Lice were one of those things that your parents used to scare you into combing your hair every day. Didn't anyone ever tell you that, Eds? Jeez, next you're gonna tell me you still believe in the Easter Bunny, or cavities.

Instead of saying any of this out loud, though, he reached up again to try and tousle the uniformity out of his hair, only to receive another slap.

“Would you quit it?” Eddie berated, huffing and looking at least a little more dishevelled, before fumbling again for his aspirator and taking another pull.

“How'd you do this, anyway?” Richie asked, rubbing his thumb and index finger together and inspecting the oily substance they were now covered in. “I didn't think I had any hair stuff.”

He looked up, and Eddie averted his eyes, a slight tint starting to fill in his cheeks.

“I found some,” he said, shrugging in an attempt to appear inconspicuous and failing tremendously. Richie's eyes narrowed.

“Where?” he asked, – he highly doubted the boy was into midnight runs down to the corner store to pick up styling gel. At least, he hoped that wasn't the case, because holy shit, priorities.

“Why do you even care, anyway?” Eddie asked, “Not like you're the one getting your head slammed into walls now. And what's with that, by the way?”

“You're dodging the question because you did something weird, didn't you?” Richie watched him roll his eyes and grit his teeth before eyeing the door, but Richie was blocking his path and there was no way in hell he was letting this go until he got an answer.

What's one more absent mark, right?

“Come on, what was it?” he pushed, studying with intent the annoyed, flustered look Eddie was providing him. “You got hand lotion up in there? Bacon grease, maybe?” He sniffed his fingers, then wrinkled his nose. “Did you use your own spunk or somethin'?”

“Oh my god,” Eddie looked honest-to-god nauseas at this point, “please stop talking.”

“You did, didn't you? Kaspbrak, that is absolutely dees-gus-”

“It's fucking hair gel, okay! It's not-” His breathing was picking up again, and he had to close his eyes for a minute to recollect himself. He shook his aspirator, finger ready on the trigger, but he didn't use it. “I really needed to pee, and I tried to go in your bathroom, Rich, but there was mould on the shower curtain and there's been this really bad smell in there since last night and then the window wouldn't open this time and your toilet's like, directly opposite the mirror so I would have to look at myself – at you? Fuck, I just- I couldn't do it so I went into your parents room and I used their en-suite and it was just sitting on the sink and they were already both downstairs so I borrowed some.” He was talking a mile a minute, and he had to pause to catch his breath. “I didn't think I would be interrogated about it, so I'm sorry. But- spunk? Are you fucking twelve? Also I really think you should clean your bathroom. I could have snapped one of those washcloths in half.”

A moment passed before Richie responded, trying to absorb the run-on he'd just heard.

“You sit down to piss?” he asked, and Eddie went as red as a goddamn tomato.

“That's what you took away from that?!” he shrieked. Richie shrugged, throwing his hands up in a defensive gesture. “Yowza, just seems weird, is all,” he laughed, somewhat nervously. “Thought the ability to stand up while taking a wizz was like, one of the main benefits of having a d-”

“I didn't want to touch it,” Eddie interrupted, then swallowed. He was picking at the cuticle on his left thumb – it was bleeding, and Richie just now noticed the bright green bandaid wrapped around the other one. “And I don't want to talk about it, either.” “You wound me,” Richie said, with faux sincerity, hitting his chest with his fist, “right here. And, down there,” he pointed downwards with his other hand, and Eddie rolled his eyes again, even harder this time.

“I'm walking away from you now,” he said, and then did. He pushed the door open with his elbow and it swung shut behind him.

“You're welcome, by the way!” Richie called out after him, but he didn't get a response even though the fucker definitely must have heard him. “Not like I saved your life or anything. Dickhead.”

He let himself stew there for a while, occasionally kicking the wall or muttering obscenities, until the odour coming from one of the stalls finally became too much to handle and he figured he should at least try and go to class, – although, he'd completely forgotten to ask about Eddie's schedule, and he was now coming to the realisation that he hadn't given him his, either. He also knew there was a good chance Eddie had realised this too, and was just being way too stubborn to come find him and get it.

So, throwing that plan aside, he decided to enact his fallback. A plan that, while not being particularly helpful, may help him even out the playing field in regards to doing harm versus taking crap.

He made his way towards the art rooms, the idea gradually unfolding and building in front of him. In reality, it wouldn't end up being the mind-blowing game changer he was hyping himself up for, but it would surely scratch the itch.

Pulling up to the studios, and completely disregarding the fact that there was a class in progress to which he was now causing disruption, he scanned the room until he found who he was looking for.

Skirting the edge of the classroom, nearly knocking over several large canvases that had been leaned against the walls, as well as a drying rack displaying a few half-painted clay products and a large paper maché sculpture that Anne Anderson had been working on for a month now and still didn't resemble anything he'd ever seen before, he made his way over to the corner where Bill was situated. He was perched on a stool, mostly concealed from view by the canvas he had set up on his easel, but the top of his head was visible down to his brow, and the contrast of the blonde and red in his hair had imprinted on Richie enough to allow instant recognition.

“Eh-Eddie?” Bill startled as he approached, having been very focused on his painting. “Wh-wuh-what are y-you doing? I th-thuh-thought y-you w-w-were going to th-th-th-th-”

“Well gee,” Richie cut him off, smiling all too enthusiastically, “I just came to see my best pal and confidant Bill Dens-” he trailed off, was it Denson? That didn't sound right. Maybe Dan- no, it definitely started with Den. He sucked his teeth, wracking his brain for the correct information, and went to adjust his glasses only to smack the side of his face in their absence. Bill looked at him like he had two heads.

“So we're good friends, right?” Richie continued, waving off his bewildered expression. “Would you say we have a 'help each other with anything, no questions asked' kind of relationship?”

“Wh-why?” Bill leaned back slightly on the stool, cautiously putting a few extra inches between them.

“Because I need your help with something and I don't want you to ask any questions,” he said, watching something like alarm and or fear flicker in Bill's eyes. He leaned forward again, throwing a hasty glance around the room while pulling Richie in by his shoulder.

“Eddie did y-you fuh-ucking kill R-Richie?” he whispered, panicked.

“Woah, easy up cowboy,” Richie snickered, shrugging his hand off and straightening himself again, “how'd you jump to that conclusion?”

Bill didn't appear to ease up, only stared at him cautiously.

“Y-y-you t-talk about killing h-h-him a l-lot,” he said, then looked Richie up and down, “and y-y-you look kinda cr-crazy r-ruh-right now.”

Richie glanced down at himself. His shirt was half tucked into his jeans and he was, in fact, wearing two different coloured shoes. He hummed in acknowledgement, then looked back up.

“I promise that I have not committed murder,” he said, holding up three fingers in a scout salute. A little of the tension in Bill's shoulders seemed to release, but not much. “Whatcha paintin' anyway?”

Richie moved around until he was standing behind Bill, getting a straight-on view of the canvas, and let's out a low whistle. Because it had, you know, actually good. Better than anything he'd ever made in class, anyway. It also was not the pile of rocks sitting on a table at the front of the room that every other student was trying to recreate. He'd gone off book – a portrait, the central focus made up of bright, warm hues, standing out amazingly against the dark blue and purple floral arrangements scattered around the border. It had, like, actual depth and lighting and whatever the fuck else professional art terms Richie didn't pretend to understand. And, oh shit, that looked just like-

“Beverly?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at Bill, and watched him sputter, the tips of his ears turning pink.

“N-n-no,” he insisted, loudly, “i-i-i-it's n-n-n-n-nuh-n-not, I-”

Richie let out a honk of a laugh, patting him on the back.

“You are a riot, Billiam, we should totally hang out sometime.”

And before Bill could even begin to process what the ever-loving fuck is going on, Richie was pulling him to his feet, thrusting his backpack into his arms and leading him through the class room and out the door.

Bill, in the seemingly countless years he'd been friends with Eddie, had learned that sometimes it was better to just go with it. Truthfully, if it had turned out that Eddie finally did snap, and Richie Tozier was in fact lying lifeless on the floor of the boys bathroom, he wouldn't have been overly surprised. Sure, he might cry. Puke, maybe. Make a note to give him a stern talking to about why killing people is wrong, even if you don't like them very much. But at the end of the day, he'd help hide the body, and help create an alibi, and whatever else he needed to do. Because it was Eddie, – Bill would do all that and more, because he knew if the roles were reversed, Eddie would do the same for him.

So he let himself get dragged down an empty hallway, and he didn't ask too many questions about it. He figured the boy was only going through yet another manic episode, brought on by the upcoming track qualifiers or something his mother did or, more likely, something Tozier did. Jesus, there were days when Eddie talked about little else, and Bill suspected there were many more where he thought of nothing but.

There was always something, and increasingly so in the recent months. It was all 'Richie drew a dick on my window last night!' or 'Richie made fun of my height again!' or 'have you seen Richie today? He's wearing a hat and it's pissing me off!' or 'Richie looked at me funny in English so I'm gonna yell at him later!' and fuck, Bill really tried to be supportive, but sometimes he just wanted to lock them in the janitors closet together and give the rest of the world some peace. It's not like he didn't want to sympathise with every little complaint and annoyance that seemed to plague his friend's mind day in and day out, but he couldn't help but think, sometimes, that a lot of Eddie's mountains were actually molehills.

And, he'd never dare say it to Eddie, but Richie didn't seem all that bad. He shared a few classes with the guy, and sure he made some crass comments, smelled like an ashtray, and spent every single art class drawing dicks on any blank surface placed in front of him, but he wasn't outright awful. His friend's were nice too – Stan and Mike and Beverly Marsh – and Bill thought, if they all liked Richie Tozier as much as they appeared to, then he couldn't be as much of a terror as he'd been made out to be.

Hell, he reckoned that in another life, they'd probably all get along pretty nicely as a group of seven.

He followed Eddie into the bathroom, stood aside and waited for him to check that all the stalls were empty and lock the door, then watched him pull a large pair of kitchen scissors out of his backpack. Bill's initial reaction was knocked out of him, though, when Eddie then proceeded to start unbuttoning his jeans.

A strangled noise rose up from his throat, he could already feel the barricades forming on his tongue. He just gaped, rendered speechless in more ways than one.

“Fuck is you gawkin' at?” Eddie said in some undecipherable accent, looking up at Bill with the waistband of his pants hugging his thighs. Then he smiled, winked, held the scissors out in his direction – he took them, with hesitancy –, and pulled his pants the rest of the way down before stumbling out of them without taking his shoes off.

Bill suddenly wished he'd walked into a bloody crime scene instead. At least that would have made sense.

“Eds!” His words finally caught up to him, and he sucked in a gasping breath, immediately regretting it because the air tasted like stale piss. “W-w-w-wuh-what the f-f-fuck?”

“What?” Eddie laughed, holding the offending item of clothing out in front of him with both hands, as if inspecting them, before throwing them over his shoulder. “No boy's ever taken his pants off for you before?”

Christ, Bill thought, he's completely lost it. Next week I'm gonna be visiting him up at Juniper.

“Pass me those, will ya?” Eddie made a grabby motion at the tool in Bill's hand; he instinctively started to hand them over, then pulled them back.

“W-what are y-yuh-you gonna d-do w-w-w-with them?” he asked, his voice shaking terribly even with the stutter.

“We're gonna turn these here lame-ass pantaloons into something worth looking at, Billy boy,” Eddie replied. Bill continued to stare, addled and bewildered. When he left class he'd prepared himself for something illogical, another breakdown that ended with the two of them ditching until lunch so Eddie could vent his frustrations and scream into his fist. But this, whatever it was, was more than he would ever be able to brace himself for.

He shook his head, holding his hands out in a manner that he hoped said 'I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about, and it's nine thirty in the fucking morning,' because he was sure he wouldn't be able to say it out loud. Eddie sighed, yanking the scissors out of Bill's hand by the blades, and if that wasn't an indication that something was very wrong, then Bill didn't know what was.

“Aren't you, like, usually all over this shit?” Eddie asked, gesturing down to Bill's legs, clad in black jeans that were, as his parent's and teacher's had often chastised him for, ripped to shit, and Bill's brain whirred loudly for a minute before he thought he'd almost caught on.

“Y-y-you w-w-w-want me to h-huh-help y-you cut h-holes in y-y-your pants?” He guessed, and Eddie grinned, tilting his chin up slightly. “H-here? I-i-in the b-bathroom?”

“Would've been real fucking weird if I stripped down in the cafeteria,” Eddie said, and – well, Bill couldn't argue with that.

So, he helped Eddie bastardise his jeans, slicing them up more than he figured was necessary, but hey, who was he to try and put a muzzle on his best friend's identity slash fashion crisis. He even showed him how to create a frayed effect by quickly scrubbing the raw edges together, and honestly, after a few minutes he'd calmed down quite a bit, to the point where his stutter was nearly minimal. After his pants were back on, and Eddie had checked himself out in the mirror approvingly, he showed Bill how much length he wanted cut off the bottom of his t-shirt – not an excessive amount, but enough to show a sliver of skin if he lifted his arms up. It ended up a little lopsided, but not noticeably enough that it mattered. Bill thought Eddie was far past caring about that, anyway.

“What do you think?” Eddie asked, holding his hands on his hips and looking very unlike himself – so uncollected and messy, but not bad, Bill thought. He hummed, watching the other boy make adjustments as he looked at his reflection, past the streaks of grime and water stains and graffiti littering the mirror. He started to play with his hair, fluffing it out before running his hand back through it.

“I h-have an idea,” Bill offered, thinking that they'd gone this far, may as well keep piling shit on. He shrugged his backpack off, kneeling down to rifle through it until he found what he was looking for, producing a fistful of coloured markers held together with a rubber band. Eddie raised an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth lifting up into a smirk. “I p-promise it'll w-w-wash out.”

Meanwhile, Eddie – (the actual one) – had realised too late that he didn't have a clue where he was supposed to be going. Not that he would have been able to sit down and pay attention to anything, with the rate his heart was currently beating at, and the ache still pounding away at the back of his skull. Knowing that wandering the building aimlessly would definitely end in him getting written up by some freshman who thought that being a hall monitor gave you any real authority, and knowing that he couldn't exactly go back and talk to Richie, because duh, he headed out to the track. He knew it wouldn't be in use until the afternoon, and if he could waste some time by running in frantic circles then at least something would feel normal.

It wasn't as easy now – Richie's skinny jeans constricted a lot of his movement, and he kept tripping over his own feet, – but eventually he fell into a rhythm and just went.

He'd never really known why he liked it so much. He was good at it, sure. Really good at it. One-point-three-seconds-away-from-breaking-the-state-record good at it. That was the answer he gave people when they asked why, at least. If he was any sort of introspective he'd know that his skill played little part in the real reason.

His mother hadn't let him set foot in a physical education class until he was in high school, and that was only after a whole year of begging and pleading and compromise – he'd not participate in contact sports or anything with a bat, a promise that he didn't keep but she still believed he did. He'd joined track a couple years ago, which his coach recommended when Eddie consistently beat out the rest of the class in both speed and endurance any time they did laps. It's how he'd gotten closer to Ben, who as far as he could tell joined the team out of spite for another teacher who told him he'd never run a mile in under fifteen minutes, and he could now do one in seven.

Eddie told his mother that he spent those afternoons studying at Bill's, but some part of him always wanted to tell her. Wanted to say; 'just watch me, Ma. Just watch how fast I go! I'm fucking flying out there! I'm not breaking like you said I would! I'm not dying like you said I would!' but he knew that if she found out just how good he was at it, then she'd lock him up and never let him go. If she knew that he could run away, he'd never get the chance.

And god, it felt so fucking good. The feeling of his feet pelting against the tartan ground, the strain in his hamstrings, the burn in his calves, the sweat, the heat, all of it, – he felt alive out there. He could forget the pills and the calorie counting and the stupid piece of plastic that he didn't even need to have in his pocket when he was doing it, because it was the only time that his lungs ever felt open enough to breath on his own. He didn't even have to care about how that didn't make sense. It didn't matter. Nothing fucking mattered!

So he ran until the ache in his legs outweighed the one in his head, and then some, then when he couldn't run anymore he walked, and when he couldn't do that he laid down face first on the track. The synthetic material was cold due to the heavy cloud cover that hadn't passed in days, the familiar smell of rubber and grass invaded his senses. His glasses pressed uncomfortably into his face, and were also fogged up to the point of being useless, but he didn't bother to take them off. He hoped that if he concentrated on it enough, he might melt right down into the earth.

Before he could make any decent headway on that plan, he felt someone kick softly at his leg. He held his breath, playing dead in the hopes that they'd just go away, but they only waited a moment before kicking him again, a little harder this time. He tilted his head so he could see who it was, before exhaling a long sigh. “Get up,” Stan said, dryly. Eddie turned his head back to his original position.

“Make me.”

There was a pause where he thought he might have left, but then he heard shuffling, and saw Stan sit down in his peripheral vision.

“Why are you out here?” Stan asked, leaning forward on his knees and resting his chin in his hands.

“Why are you?” Eddie retaliated, too tired for any real bite. Stan huffed, tapping his fingers along his cheekbone.

“Because I went to check on you in the sick bay and you weren't there,” he said, and Eddie felt a tinge of guilt at his tone, “I wanted to make sure you weren't being murdered.”

He turned his head again, resting his cheek against the ground so he was facing Stan.

“I thought you'd be out smoking on the football field again, but then I saw you lying in the middle of the running track. Shoot me for being worried.”

Eddie muttered a 'sorry', and Stan rolled his eyes before smiling down at him.

They give a crap, Eddie thought, suddenly remembering the roll of tape he'd earlier seen Stan take out of his bag. He forced down the lump that formed in his throat.

A few raindrops fell, dotting the ground in front of him and tapping softly against the side of his face.

“Come on,” Stan said, standing himself up and dusting off before reaching his hand out, “we'll go find Bev and Mike and wag next period.”

And Eddie thought, pushing himself up to his knees and taking his hand, hey, that doesn't sound too bad.

Tag list (bolded won’t tag): @fanficisgoodforthesoul @i-is-gazebo@dandeliontozier@panicatbakerst@howellhxlic@musicalsaftermusicals@bernaynay@bust-a-move-bev@reddie-to-go@richietoaster@omgboiledcabbages@reddietofall@flowersiren@lousytrashmouth@get-fcking-reddie@finnwollfhards @bjrdies@steve-harringtwin@thecastlebyers@books-and-donuts@valenschmidt@grasshoppper@80s-trashmouth@beepbeeprichiellc@little-miss-hellraiser@okay-i-get-it-alreddie@finn-trashmouth@kaspbrakseggo @lolahood @sad-synth@turtleneckrichie@reddieforanything @vitomire @its-stranger-than-you-think@spooky-risley@ohheydatsme@hoteltozier@holystanlon@apatheticphotos@dewdropseddie@ill-float-too@peterparkerwithoutacause@sir-furry @ailecstuff @bird-uris@iamworried7@beepbeepbitchard@trashcanonlegs@11leggomyeggo11@bisexual80scliffjumper@reddieseggrolls @rediietoship @starryeyedstanley @beepbeep-losers@richiefuckfacetozier

#writing #vice versa fic #reddie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #reddie fanfic #in which both them have a fucking breakdown and also me. i have a breakdown too

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brittle-bone-gabe · 4 years

Text

Two Opposites, But Two Losers: Chapter Two - Fancy Running Into You Here

Chapter One, Chapter Three,

Summary: Eddie Kaspbrak is a first-year medical student trying to start off on the right foot, but being up all night to study and pull through on his assignments increases his need for coffee; this is where he meets his “favorite” new barista, Richie Tozier: an art student with bad habits. (I will specify a possible trigger in the chapter titles if it calls for one).

Pairings: Eddie x Richie, Ben x Beverly, Stan x Patty, Bill x Audra, Bill x Mike

Read on Ao3: Here

Art History certainly wasn’t Richie’s top subject, in fact, if his graduation criteria wasn’t requiring it he would have skipped the class all together. The class had a test today, and Richie was sure that he had failed it for the sole reason he kept erasing and redoing almost all of his answers, even though in the end he usually kept the original answer he had in the first place. Words could not describe how frustrated that made Richie; did he make the right choices with his answers? Did he royally fuck up? Bev was right, he should’ve been studying instead of going out every night… Maybe he’d stay in all week to study. ...Right. Richie told himself that every week but never stuck with it.

You fucked up, why didn’t you just fucking study, you stupid fucking- Richie’s thoughts got cut off as soon as he looked up from the floor, noticing the familar figure walking across the t-hallway, not even glancing Richie’s way. Any and all negative thoughts Richie had were brushed aside, a huge smile on his face as he had a new goal at the moment. He needed to pick on Eddie again. Richie squirmed his way through the group of people in the hallway, racing to catch up to the shorter man, minding his own business, not aware that he was about to be bombarded by a trashmouth.

“Morning Bird!” Richie said loudly, causing everyone in the hallway to turn and look at him, not sure who he was referring to, but certainly gave him that you’re insane look.

Recognizing the voice made Eddie physically cringe, gripping his backpack strap so tightly that his knuckles turned white. He closed his eyes for just a moment, letting out a sigh before opening them again just as Richie managed to catch up with him.

“What’s up!” Richie said just as loudly as he did when he called for him.

Eddie couldn’t help himself as he pinched the bridge of his nose, he couldn’t believe how loud this man could possibly be. He was acting as if he had way too much coffee, which wouldn’t surprise Eddie considering the fact that Richie worked in a fucking coffee shop. He probably got too much free coffee to keep him awake for the entire day. Just spending the short amount of time with Richie this morning had exhausted Eddie, how in the hell did he manage to run into him here, in one of the hundreds of hallways on campus?

“On my way to class…” Eddie mumbled, he could physically feel people’s eyes on him and he didn’t like it at all. He hated having all the attention on him, he felt more inclined to fuck something up and trip over his own feet.

It’s as though Richie couldn’t pick up on how Eddie was feeling, as he continued the conversation as if nothing was awkward for him or anything.

“Oh yeah?” Richie started, “what class ya got, Morning Bird?”

“Behavioral Sciences… And would you stop calling me that? It’s almost two in the afternoon.”

Shit, was it really? Richie checked the smart-watch on his wrist. He couldn’t believe that, it felt like time was going by quickly today.

He laughed. “What else am I supposed to call you?”

God, was he annoying… It was as though he only had one volume setting on his voice.

Eddie couldn’t help but roll his eyes at his ridiculous question. “I dunno… my name?” As annoyed as Eddie was trying to act, he was lowkey trying to hold back his small smile. There was no way Richie would be able to remember his name from way back of this morning, especially how busy the Harvest usually got around eight in the morning. Just to hear him trip up would make Eddie’s day.

“Ah, okay, Eds.” Seeing Eddie frown at the nickname made Richie chuckle, he always had a natural talent for pissing people off just being twisting their names around. Well, in general he had a talent to piss people off, that was his favorite trait.

“Don’t call me that.”

“Aww, cheer up Ed-” even before Richie could finish his sentence, Eddie glared at him, giving him that choose my name carefully look. “Eddie,” Richie finished, a smile still on his face.

“Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

“Nope! Y’know, I never asked… what’s your major?”

“I’m… actually in med school.”

Honestly? Richie was shocked to hear that. He had saw Eddie as someone who would be majoring in engineering. Maybe computer science, but med school? That was so fucking cool. Richie certainly couldn’t keep focus on schooling that long to become a doctor, but anyone who could was amazing.

“Oh… wow. That’s awesome!” Eddie looked up at Richie, shocked at his answer. “So you’re going to be a doctor or some shit?”

Eddie smiled and nodded, and as soon as he did, Richie started rambling away about how cool that was, how he could never do that, but it was awesome that Eddie was able to do it. Eddie wasn’t used to praise from anyone besides his professors about how he was doing in school, lord knows he barely had any support when choosing his major in high school. His mom hated the fact he wanted to become a doctor, in fact, when he had mentioned that med school was on his choice for majors she went insane. She had tried to do everything she could to try to convince him to pick literally anything else, going as far as to attempting to bribe him to switch by offering to pay for his entire schooling as long as he chose anything else. Just because she was a hypochondriac and turned Eddie into a hypochondriac his entire childhood didn’t mean she could dictate his entire life; but in high school, Eddie decided that he wanted to help people, to reassure people that everything would be okay and he could fix them. Anytime Eddie called home just to check up on his mother he wasn’t able to mention school at all, otherwise she would get extremely passive aggressive, turning the conversation into making sure Eddie was making the right choice for his future.

“What about you?” Eddie asked Richie once he stopped his rambling, “What’s your major?”

Richie laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his head. “Ah… mine’s not as exciting as your thing.”

“I didn’t ask that, I asked what your major was.”

Well, Richie was taken aback by how snappy Eddie could be, it was cute though. He smiled at the smart ass remark, though.

“Graphic design, not sure what I want to do with it, but… eh…” he shrugged, readjusting the single strapped backpack that was around his torso. “Art’s my thing.” Eddie’s walk slowed to a stop in front of a classroom, causing Richie to smile even bigger. “Looks like I just walked you to your class.”

“Don’t make a habit of this, Richie.”

“Uhhuh, uhhuh…. I’ll see ya later, Morning Bird!” Richie made sure to say it loudly so everyone already in the classroom would hear him, they turned their heads to see who was coming inside the classroom after that.

Eddie discreetly flipped him off as he made his way into the classroom, his face turning pink from the embarrassment of everyone looking at him. Well, that was going to make class more interesting. People on the other side of the earth could probably hear Richie and his big fucking mouth.

As Richie walked away, he pulled out his phone from his back pocket. As usual, the first thing he did whenever he unlocked his phone was go to his messaging app, texting Beverly. He texted her, asking her where she was and what she was doing right now, as he could never remember her schedule during the week or what classes she has going on. To be fair, most things go through one ear and out the other for Richie, it was something most people had to deal with when getting close to him, accepting that he will forget a lot of things.

He was about to lock his phone and put it back in his pocket, but Bev began texting back immediately, the three dots were underneath his text on the screen. Richie moved with his back against the brick wall, staying out of the way so others could walk past him in the hallway while he waited for a text back. He stared at it, waiting anxiously to see what she had to say.

-Layin’ down with ben, her text had said.

So she must’ve not had class today… That, or she skipped class to spend time with her boyfriend. Ben worked 3rd shift as a campus guard, Richie couldn’t understand why there needed to be a 3rd shift campus guard walking around the grounds at night, but whatever paid the bills…

-wanna get lunch of somethin’? i got some tea for ya.

-👀 should we meet at harvest?

Obviously it was a joke, but Richie still audibly groaned just thinking about hanging out there while not on the clock.

-😡 no we have to go somewhere with good food

-🖕

-----

There was an amazing sub shop that was just off campus that Richie and Bev had agreed to meet at. Of course, Richie was there first, he was anxious to tell Bev about how he “walked” Eddie to class. Besides that though, Richie wanted to spend time with his best friend. Well, no, Bev was more like his sister than his best friend and everyone knew that. They were those annoying best friends who posted each other on Snapchat and Instagram nonstop, but at the same time some people were like “I wish I had a friendship like that.” Nobody really knew what they’ve been through together that made them this close, and it was likely that nobody would ever know that side of Richie anyways.

The two have sat at a table, their food sitting in front of them, but Richie couldn’t focus on eating as he was busy readjusting the many bracelets on his wrists and bouncing his leg. That was the first sign to Bev that something was wrong with him. Although, she couldn’t tell if he was anxious or excited, as he acted the same for either or.

“What’s your problem?” Bev asked him before taking a bite into her sandwich.

“Hm?” Richie hummed, snapping out of his many, many thoughts. He had almost forgotten that he was the one who invited her out because he had some tea. “Oh, nothin’...”

“Bullshit. You know better than to lie to me, Trashmouth.” She grabbed a piece of lettuce that was on her tray, throwing it at him so it got stuck in his hair. Richie fished it out before throwing it back at her. “You said you had tea for me, I’m not hearing any tea.”

“Remember that guy that came in earlier?” Richie asked quickly, trying to contain the smile he wanted to let free.

“Many guys come in, Richie, and you have heart eyes for almost all of them.”

“Excuse me, I do not.” Bev didn’t say anything, she just rolled her eyes waiting for him to get to the point and be more specific. “No, I’m talking about the guy from waaay earlier in the morning.”

“The one you kept calling cute?”

“Yes!” He waved his fingers, pointing at her, “that one!”

“What about him?”

“I saw him after class and I walked him to his class.”

Bev groaned. “Did you walk him to his class or did you follow him?”

“He’s so cute, dude,” Richie said as he sat up, shaking both of his hands so the bracelets fell down to the base of his hands.

“You need a man.”

“I fucking knooooow. Morning Bird is in med school, Bev. Med school.”

“So he’s too smart for you, got it. Better luck trying to find something else.”

“Bitch, fuck you.”

They flipped each other off before sitting in silence once more. Richie didn’t know what else to say, from what he was implying Bev was telling him… she was right. There would be no fucking way Eddie would want to be with someone like him. Hell, the way he freaked out when he saw Richie smoking outside during his small break was evidence of that. Eddie thought smoking was gross, and he was right, even Richie thought smoking was gross, but no matter how many times he had tried to quit in the past it didn’t matter as he went right back to his old habits. They were scrolling through their phones now, but Bev couldn’t help but notice that Richie kept mindlessly itching his forearm that was covered by the long sleeve shirt underneath his t-shirt.

“So, how are things going, Rich?” Bev asked in complete seriousness.

Richie knew how serious she was being because that was the only time she called in Rich instead of Richie, or Trashmouth, or literally anything else.

He shook his head lightly, dropping his hands to the table, locking his phone screen. “‘m fine,” he mumbled, avoiding eye contact. He had to look back up to her when he felt that she was giving him that serious look she gave when she knew he wasn’t telling the complete truth. “I am! I’m fine!”

“Alright, alright!” She held her hands up to him, “I didn’t say anything. But… you know you can talk to me about-”

“I know. I appreciate it.”

Richie began anxiously fiddling with the phone in his hands, waiting for a specific notification to come through. He honestly didn’t want to have this conversation again, especially in a public place, it would just take one person overhearing it and Richie would refuse to ever show his face around campus again. Bev was a total sweetheart, she was there for Richie through thick and thin, as he was there for her too, but sometimes she asked about this specific problem too much. Not like Richie would ever tell her to stop trying to help, but it would clear he would be uncomfortable with the conversation.

The phone finally vibrated in Richie’s hand, causing his heart to do a flip in his chest as he sat up quickly, unlocking his phone to see a text message with no contact name with only a single character in the text box.

“I gotta go,” Richie said quickly, standing up before Bev could even process what was going on.

“Where do you have to be that’s so damn important?” She asked as Richie was throwing his backpack strap over his torso, shoving his phone in his back pocket.

“Gotta meet up with my project partner,” he leaned down, kissing Bev’s cheek. That was something they’ve always done as best friends. “I’ll see ya later, Molly Ringwald.”

“Fuck you, Trahsmouth.”

Richie waved as he quickly left the sub shop, Bev watching sadly after him. She had a strong gut feeling that there was no project partner. She hated accusing and thinking that Richie was doing this shit again, but after what happened she couldn’t help it…

Bev unlocked her phone, opening up their next door neighbor, Stan’s, text messages.

- i think richies slipping again could you talk to him?

-----

Richie had walked across campus and then some just to meet up with his “project partner.” Yeah, that was such a good fucking cover up… Richie could tell that Bev didn’t really believe him or his lies and he felt like such an asshole for lying to her but he couldn’t help it anymore. He looked over his shoulder as he walked through the main parking lot where hundreds of cars were parked, but picking out which car he was looking for wasn’t that difficult of a task. In fact, Richie could recognize that crappy red car from anywhere as it was facing away from the campus building so nobody would make out who the driver was.

When Richie walked up to the car, he didn’t even knock on the window or anything to get the drivers attention, instead, he just opened the passengers side door and slid inside, closing the door behind him. In the driver's seat sat Henry Bowers; it was no secret that Henry and Richie fucking hated each others guts, but they needed each other so they would just suck it up for the time being. They had been partnered up for a project about a year ago, but stuck together, lowkey meeting up since Henry became Richie’s dealer; a known dealer at that, and Richie was his best customer.

“Did ya miss me?” Richie asked playfully, a smile on his face.

“Shut up, faggot.”

Richie shrugged the insult off. Henry had called him that so many times it lost any and all meaning.

“I want Pepsi,” Richie gave his overused, failed attempt at a joke. Henry only glared at him, looking like he was about ready to punch him in the jaw. “Get it? You’re supposed to say-”

“I get the fucking joke, Tozier. Especially since you make the joke every fucking time.”

Richie swung the backpack around, pulling out one-hundred dollars he kept at the bottom of all the junk in there. He dropped it on the center console so nobody who was possibly lurking around out in the parking lot could see them exchanging money. Normally, as his own rule, Henry would check everybody’s money, but since RIchie’s money was always good he didn’t feel the need to. From underneath his seat, Henry pulled out a brown paper lunch bag, handing it over to Richie underneath the view of the windshield who immediately shoved it into his backpack.

“So… got any plans later?” Richie only asked him because he knew it pissed him off.

“Get the fuck out of my car.”

“Right,” he said quickly, getting out of the car like he was instructed to do. He waved obnoxiously to Henry before making his way back to the apartment to get what he paid for.

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juupajaa · 4 years

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1This is gonna be super long and I'm sorry but I gotta get this off my chest somehow and I would like your input. Also major trigger warnings!! I did a bad thing?? I know I shouldn't have but it's already been done. For context, my friend lives in a different state but we live close to state lines so we meet up pretty much every other weekend. She lives by herself because her parents kicked her out (they're homophobic) but my family loves her so she spends holidays with us.

2I've been in recovery for about 11 months now and she's been my rock the whole time. She stayed with me on the phone for hours when I was real bad, and she gave me plenty of space too. I don't really like it when people baby me, it makes me feel like a burden. When I told her about my ed she stayed the same she always had been so it was a relief to be around her. My family voiced their concerns and talked about recovery so much I felt cornered a lot and needed a break from it.

3She didn't treat me with kiddie gloves like others did and helped me by keeping things normal, and supporting me more quietly and I think that's something super helpful that people don't talk about much. I know it's important to talk to someone and actively pursue recovery but I really needed that sense of normalcy too.

4She spent another weekend here, but when she had a bath her phone rang and I searched her bag for it in case it was her work. The call ended before I got to it but checked the notifications anyway so I could tell her who called. That's all good, but I noticed a tumblr notification and checked it without thinking. My friend has an ed blog??? I was shocked but put it away so I wouldn't be caught snooping, that wasn't even my intention.

5When she left I just spent hours scrolling through her blog. I know I shouldn't have but the curiousity got the best of me. I wanted to know if she had posted about me at all, which she hadn't. I feel so bad for never thinking something was wrong. Her weight has yoyo'd the whole time we've known each other, but she's been normal weight for as long as I remember.

What fucked me up is that her blog is much older than my eating disorder, and I just had really disordered thoughts. I thought wow I'm a fraud, she's been in this for years, maybe I'm just pretending?? But then it got nasty. My mind went to things like, all this time and she's not even skinny yet? At least I became underweight and it didn't take long. She eats so much she can't have an ed. I thought about how she looks too but she's normal weight, her body is perfectly fine! but ed logic right?

I'm so conflicted. I can't even begin to imagine how she must have felt all that time supporting me? All the stupid disordered shit I said, and still do sometimes.God I'm recounting times I complained about calories even when she had just eaten. I must have made her body image worse too because I would criticize even healthy bodies when she was right there. I know my disorder is to blame but I feel horrible. A lot of those I would trash were smaller than her and I didn't even think twice.

I've obsessively tried piecing things together. A couple of years ago we walked downtown and she commented it smelled like sophomore year, vomit. The whole time I was in recovery she ate normally. It was easier for me to start eating again because others did, especially her because she never nagged about it like my family did. Does she prefer visiting because it's easier to pretend away from home??

When I stay over she doesn't really have food at her place?? Could be coincidence but we go grocery shopping whenever I visit. Maybe Fridays are just her grocery day. I never thought about it but now I'm worried. Does she not eat when she's alone? From her blog I know she restricts a lot, but when she's with me she eats normally. When I was at my worst I found satisfaction in it and compared our intake.I don't think she purges when she's here and that could explain why she's not losing weight.

(Last one) Please help me, I don't know what to do. I'm worried but I don't want to lose her. I know I betrayed her trust and all but I can't pretend like I don't know and let her suffer. And she's a sweet girl, and I feel like shit now. She never even talks about her family situation so I doubt she'd tell me about her ed, especially since I'm in recovery. When her family kicked her out she seemed so calm, but that shit hurts?? It breaks my heart, even more now knowing about her ed too.

🌻

Yeah there's a lot of complicated stuff here but I feel like the first thing I should say is that you're beating yourself up for something that isn't your fault. I don't see you having done anything terrible here🤔

You weren't snooping, it's a very different thing to actively go look up other people's phones than to accidentally see something you didn't mean to see. And as for looking up her blog, if it's a public blog, you could have found it even without knowing it was hers. That's just something that we all need to realize when we make blogs and such. Even if your blog feels like a private thing, it really isn't if you put it online wide open.

And all that nasty disordered behaviour you did in her presence? You were sick and didn't know better. I know it's hard to separate these two sometimes, I struggle with it a lot too, but trust me, you're not a bad person for things you have done by accident or out of ignorance. And all the nasty thoughts you had about her are very normal ed thoughts. They feel awful and they're so intrusive and nasty, but they spring from your ed and not from your heart. You clearly love your friend a lot and want all the best for her, and your ed is just trying to hurt you through her when it spams those thoughts into your head.

And as for your friend, she's no doubt feeling horrible as well. I bet she must have felt like a fraud herself, watching you go to recovery while no one even notices that she's sick too. And as you said, she's been sick a long time and "still not losing weight", I wouldn't be surprised if she has been beating herself up for that as well. I feel like she's probably waiting for someone to notice her too.

To be honest, it sounds to me like you two need to have a talk. A really long and open talk that involves you both probably crying and hopefully hugging at the end. These talks are not fun to have but they clear these things up like nothing else. If you don't know how to set up such a talk, I recommend you open it with a text message and make some opening statements like "I really wanna talk about this thing but I dont know how to bring it up so here's a text. I know you're not doing so well and I want to support you like you've supported me. Can we meet up at some point and talk about this and this and this?"

I've had a few of these talks and every time I've had them, I've felt like I'm about to throw up, I'm sweating, I'm about to cry, but it is so worth it to go through with it bc it can solve such a huge amount of the problems that are festering. And after it's over, the relationship is so much stronger and both parties have an easier time to breathe.

If you have a hard time knowing what to say to her, just think about what you would want to hear in her situation. What you would have wanted to hear and what would have helped you feel better? You two share the experience and you both know exactly what words and gestures hurt you, and you also know what heals, what feels nice and what is needed.

Whatever you decide to do, I'm sure your friend would rather keep you and be happy and honest with you, rather than to let your friendship be rotten away by secrets and shame and guilt. Talking things through is hard but so are most things that will help you. Medicine usually tastes gross but it will help.

Good luck with it, I'm sure you can figure this out, just be honest with yourself and what you want to do and be so so so brave Remember to also take care of yourself and that you're still healing yourself ❤❤❤

#answered

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maximvms-blog · 5 years

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HEY HOW’S IT GOIN’ GUYS. it’s ya girl aura and i’m back for veritas: quarter quell edition ! i’m a 20 year old garbage can ( she / her or they / them pronouns plz ) from pst timezone. as you can clearly see, i am a mess, but i’m here to have fun and get to know all of you guys !! i can’t WAIT to unlock the mysteries of this rp, and i know for a fact its going to actually destroy me, so heads up: i’m diagnosed babey and cry over everything all the time. that being said, i also love pain so while i may be crying, i am also THRIVING !! i’m also an artist so i hope ya’ll are ready for me to occasionally draw the shenanigans that happen here. it’s gonna be a TIME !

anyway, enough about me ! click the neat little read more button to get to know my baby boy, maxi-pad. if you like what you see, also feel free to hit that ♥ and i’ll pop into your tumblr or discord ims to aggressively keysmash a plot out. sounds good ? GREAT !! can’t wait to talk to you all asfkalsdjfasfd i’m so excited !

skeleton: the ace faceclaim: froy gutierrez name: max thomas gender & pronouns: cis male ( he/him ) age: twenty-two major: zoology clubs: captain of the track & field and football team ; student government secretary living arrangement: auberlin apartments / apartment 01 employment: unemployed, but occasionally volunteers places & does odd jobs for those that need it

[ GENERAL ]

first off, some links. you can find his dossier HERE ( featuring a bio / some stats ) & his pinterest board HERE !!

his name is maximilian anthony thomas ( if he turns out to be the killer i’m gonna laugh because i really did give him 3 first names ) but honestly just max is fine ^^

he’s the child to two ABSOLUTE UNITS of women. both of them are olympic medalists in the athletics category. even his sperm donor dad ( who, yes, also helped raise him ) was a big time baseball player who now coaches one of the best international teams, so to say that he is SPORTS BOY would almost be an understatement.

his sport of choice is easily track, but he also really enjoys baseball, basketball, soccer, and, later on in life, football. if it’s got a ball or allows him to run, chances are he plays it.

he was winning medals as early as 7 years old and had enough for a full wall by the time he was 10. boy is a legacy and it SHOWS.

he doesn’t like it when people try to give him things just because of his name or who his parents are. he would much rather get things through his own hard work. at the same time, he hates losing and is willing to do not so great things in secret if it means he’ll win.

captain of the track & field team during the spring / summer and captain of the football team during fall / winter. he also might be in the student government too so rifp his schedule. boy is ALWAYS busy.

LOVES HIS TEAMMATES SO FUCKING MUCHHHHH !!!!!! they’re his family.

he also does a lot of charity events cuz his parents raised that shit in him ( they literally met at a charity triathalon ), so he goes to quite a view galas and whatnot. LITERALLY HE’S SO BUSY THIS BOY NEVER HAS FREE TIME.

is surprisingly really well versed in art & art history due to one of his moms being a HUGE art history buff. literally his family did an art tour vacation once where they just went across europe & went to a bunch of galleries. basically he may seem like a dumb jock, but if you mix up a renoir & a monet, he WILL call you out on it.

absolute sunshine boy !! loves to smile & laugh & love !! is so passionate about everything !

however, he has some really bad jealousy and pride issues, as hinted at earlier. they’re easily his greatest vices in equal measure.

he’s emotionally fragile so if he snaps, it can get pretty scary, but he’s really good at hiding that side of him. granted, bottling it all up probably isn’t the best either . . .

THAT SAID, HE’S STILL THE TOWN’S GOLDEN BOY !! his coach keeps talking about the 2020 olympics and he’s SO PSYCHED !! everyone in town knows his name bc he really out here being nice to everyone he meets & helping little old ladies cross the road on top of everything else he does. he’s just That Guy.

[ DAISEY ]

he had known her since they were wee babies, and they were definitely friends first. whenever they played house, he was always the dog looooong before he played her husband.

the two were always real & honest with each other, and it’s safe to say that he knew the true her before she got all caught up in her loneliness and secret hoarding.

SHE was the one to ask HIM out not long after starting middle school, making them each other’s first like . . . actual relationship. ( though tbh, she moreso DEMANDED he be her boyfriend, rather than properly asking him aslkfjasdf he could never say no to her though so it didn’t really matter )

they wound up having an off-&-on relationship for SIX YEARS. in late-ish high school, he could feel her drifting away so he told her his secret, thinking it would stop her from being bored of him. unfortunately she ended up breaking up w/ him the next day.

[ STALKING TW ] before long she was already seeing someone new. that triggered his jealous streak, and between that and his fear that she was going to tell someone his secret, he started stalking her. at first it was just lining up their schedules so he could always keep an eye on her, but eventually he got access to her social media logins and started keeping tabs on her private conversations. she’d shown him some of her own hacking tricks when they were still together, so even when she changed her passcodes, it was a simple crack before he was snooping through her shit again.

eventually she confronted him about the fact that she was constantly seeing him everywhere, though still unaware of the fact that he was the one that was hacking into her accounts. he played it off, and while she did tell the authorities about it, that was about the end of it. he stopped stalking her for a couple of years after following her to st ettienne, and things mellowed out between them.

he joined student council that year, and after that him and daisey started to talk a lot more again. they even kinda became friends again. one night, she was having a rough time so she called him. after a quiet night of talking and looking at the stars, she kissed him. it was really great, up until she shoved him away and said it was a mistake, going right back to ignoring his existence the very next day. this caused him to fall back into his stalking habits, finding them a comfort.

this time, she finds out that its HIM going through her social media, and she pulls him aside privately at the homecoming party to yell at him. she even says that she’s going to expose his secret for being such a creep. it’s then that he sees her for what she really is, rather than the rose-colored image he’d been seeing before.

that’s the last he ever sees of daisey rutherford, and he can’t tell if he’s grateful or heartbroken for that.

[ WANTED CONNECTIONS ]

okay listen i’m . . . honestly garbage at coming up with wanted connections because i genuinely want everything. friends, lovers, enemies, family — the whole shebang. i’m always down to brainstorm, so if you’ve got any ideas, even if they’re whacky, hit me with them and we can come up with something phenomenal and unique, yeah ? yeah !

the biggest actual idea i can think of is like . . . half siblings through his biological father. i think the dichotomy of that could be fun since his dad is still VERY MUCH in his life along w/ his 2 moms. TAKEN BY CASSIDY

rivals in sports could be fun ! as w/ rivals in general !

people he tried hooking up w/ to make daisey jealous when they weren’t together ? maybe ??

he doesn’t drink or smoke or do anything fun so like ?? a bad influence type connection mayhaps ?

HE NEEDS A TUTOR !!!! HE NEEEEEDS A TUTORRRRR !!!!!

bro squad bro squad bro squad bro squad bro squad. did i mention bro squad ?? ( ed is his best fucking friend so any mutual friends,,,,,, let’s squad it up )

maybe i’ll edit this later if more come to me, but for now that’s what i’ve got !! hmu if anything strikes your fancy or if you’ve got any other ideas !

#veritasintro #insert a shaky eyes emoji here #EDIT: added some additional stats

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alicewritesthisstuff · 5 years

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One year of being on tumblr

Ok, so I’ve been on tumblr for a little over a year and I really need to get some things off my chest.

So, I guess this is going to be what some would call a “rant”.

When I first joined tumblr, it was because of a dare. My best friend wanted me to post my writing online and I was pretty sure that tumblr was the “safest” place to do so - aka none of the people I associate with irl would ever find it, seeing as I’m over the age of 30 and live in Germany. Yes, I know there are a few Germans on tumblr as well, but they’re not exactly the kind of people I hold close relations to irl. Every time I actually mention tumblr to anyone, their eyes tend to glaze over and their most frequently used answer is: “huh?”

So, in short, I was confident that no one I’d ever get in personal contact with would read my writing, and that was quite alright with me.

I actually am a published writer, abide I write under a synonym and quite different things that I tend to publish on tumblr, so it’s not like my creative ego needed a boost - it only needed an outlet. Plus, missing her was driving me insane. It’s better now....most of the time.

It didn’t take long for me to stumble upon the eating disorder community here on tumblr. It always seems to find me, no matter where, and I don’t think that will ever change. I have approx. 20 years worth of personal experience with anorexia and bulimia and I’ve been working with people suffering from eating disorders for quite a few years as well. Some may call that hypocritical of me, but I’m very good at my job - because I know EXACTLY what’s going on in my patient’s heads. That makes me a pretty good person to talk to and I’m proud to say I’ve helped many people onto the road of full recovery. I’ve tried several times to do the same thing for myself, but that’s where all my rational sense tends to go out the window. I’ve been stable for roughly six years - ever since I became a mother - and I’ve managed not to get myself into a life-threatening state since then, but I’m not going to lie and pretend that I’m miraculously healed. There’s no coming back from an eating disorder once it’s turned chronic, and that’s another reason I’m so passionate about helping young girls (and boys) get out of this hell as soon as possible - they have no idea what’s in store for them if they continue down this road. None at all.

Anyway, I found the eating disorder community on tumblr and went through my usual inner turmoil of disgust, anger, sadness, pity and - yes - envy. I still get triggered by the bodies of pre-teen girls with tiny limbs and missing hips and bones running visibly beneath their pale, cracked skin.

It’s not that I find it attractive - I honestly don’t - but I know the state of mind that goes along with having that body (because I’ve been there more times than I could count) and I somtimes miss it, even if it did bring me to death’s door.

It’s not rational, but, like I said, rational thinking tends to go out the window when I let myself peak into the box in the back of my mind labled “ED - do not open or you will lose everything good in your life”.

First thing that deeply annoys me about the ed-community members on tumblr:

I will follow a girl for a couple of weeks, read their posts about losing weight, about comments people make, about their families starting to worry about how tiny she’s become, about being cold all the time, etc. and I compare it to my patients and think “that poor girl’s going downhill fast”....until she posts one of those ridiculous and heavily triggering “body check” pictures - mostly lying on their backs on matresses with arms stretched above their heads, like that won’t make pretty much anyone look “thin”, but more about that later - and I realize she’s at a perfectly healthy weight.

Now, I do realize you do not need to be underweight to be classified as having an eating disorder - remember, I work with eating disordered patients daily - but for ANOREXIA, there are certain symptoms that are stated as required to be diagnosed as such. And one of them is being underweight. However, there is such a thing as ATYPICAL ANOREXIA, which is not classified by being underweight, only by showing anorexic behaviour.

BUT - and I start to wonder if this might be a problem of our current first-world economic state - have our images of a healthy weight been so distorted that we now think that being a healthy weight is the same as being underweight?? Why would everyone comment on how thin you are and why would your family worry? Are we getting so used to seeing overweight people that that has become the new norm? I find this quite unsettling. I feel like this is mostly a problem in the US but it’s slowly creeping overseas to infest Europe. Great Britain seems to be having a pretty big issue with obesity as well - I was there to give a talk about overweight children to parents that were partly actually shocked when I told them their child is heavily overweight, they just did not SEE it because it seems to have become the new norm - and here in Germany, I see more and more bulging bellies as well.

So are we really getting so used to seeing overweight people that families actually start to worry about their child becoming normal weight?? And does that child then really start to see themselves as “anorexic”? This of course brings up a whole different issue - who is really the one with disordered eating and distorted thinking?

So, on we go:

The pictures...Of course, we all know that the “thinspo” pictures are triggering. And most of them are of A) Models, B) pre-teens or C) heavily photoshopped A&Bs...

Most people are aware of this, but the images still burn themselves into your brains and distort your vision for what is actually a slim, healthy body. That’s fucking sad, especially considering how young (AND NAIVE) most tumblr users still are. But I think that’s on the parents - there needs to be MUCH MORE control about social media usage and parents need to be educated about these things - also about eating disordered behaviour, which is another thing I actually do, and it’s scary how much parents actually DON’T KNOW.

This is also something I’d like to say to the young kids on tumblr cussing out their parents for being “emotionally abusive” or “mean” or “dumb” - you really shouldn’t say these things about the people that love you more than anyone else and are (and this goes for the vast majority of parents) only trying their very best to be there for you and raise you right. Show some fucking respect and be thankful they’re there for you. They HUMAN, they cannot know about every little thing going on inside your heads right now, especially if you’re not talking to them about it, and what you may feel is “emotionally abusive” is just a fucking normal comment, only you’re so damn sensitive in your puberty-state that you take huge offence and log onto tumblr to complain about how terrible your mother is...that’s childish and very unfair.

There are kids out there being emotionally and physically abused by their parents and that is a terrible thing, but PLEASE, take a moment to really step back and consider the situation and what YOUR part might be in it before blaming your parents for every little thing going wrong in your privilaged lives right now.

PS: My parents didn’t realize I had an eating disorder until I was hospitalized being 25lbs underweight. Because I fucking hid it, like most people with eating disorders do. And that’s a pretty common thing, so don’t blame your parents for not “paying attention”. Eating disorders LIVE off secrecy. Really, parents have little to no chance at all recognizing it in time to save their child’s live. It’s not their fault. You have a voice - USE IT.

Something else about those “body check pictures”:

I get really angry at the girls posting these pictures (contorting into incredibly awkward positions to make sure a bone is sticking out somewhere) and titling them with totally unrealistic weight and/or BMI stats.

Like I‘ve mentioned earlier, I work with people with eating disorders, so I can pretty much tell you the BMI of any person just by looking at them (in my job quite useful but otherwise an incredibly useless and triggering “talent”).

So if there’s a girl titeling their pic with “BMI 16.5″ or something like that when they are CLEARLY somewhere around BMI 20...what the hell do you think that’s doing to those impressionable young girls looking at the picture?? Can you imagine them thinking “oh wow, if she looks like that at BMI 16.5 then I’d better aim for BMI 10″...can you even begin to realize how fucking DANGEROUS that is?? If you’re embaressed by your BMI to the point that you feel the need to lie about it, WHY MAKE THE POST AT ALL? Is it really so impossible for you to get validation for something else, somewhere else?

God, think about your actions for one fucking second, would you?

I get so, so angry about this, honestly, and I experience pure joy in reporting those blogs.

And lastly, and I know I’m pissing A LOT of people off with this - but then again, the whole post probably already pissed a lot of people off - the eating disorder community on tumblr is fucking toxic.

That whole bullshit about this being “a safe space”, “a place to vent” and “giving support to each other” is CRAP. The only thing running a tumblr blog about having an eating disorder and following other blogs about eating disorders does is make you spend even more time in the grasp of said disorder and sinking deeper and deeper into it.

That’s the reality of it and deep down, I think everyone fucking knows that.

You’re just making yourself sicker and sicker, and - even though I try to follow these blogs to offer help to the poor souls actually suffering - I really do hope they are all shut down once and for all.

I’m not stupid - like I said, I have 20+ years of being anorexic myself - there will always be an online community of poeple with eating disorders triggering the shit out of themselves. But you should at least be honest about it and not call it “a safe space”. Becuase there is NOTHING safe about a tumblr blog about an eating disorder. And I just wish people would finally realize that and stop fucking lying about it.

Rant over. Merry Christmas.

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courage-a-word-of-justice · 5 years

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Trigger warnings for rape and slavery in the Shield Hero commentary.

Double Decker 12

Deana’s actually kinda tsundere…that’s kinda amazing to see, really.

I noticed Doug’s phone says “Dr. Apple”. Haha.

Kirill’s special. But why? You never answered that, people! Update: It’s because his antibodies are an antidote for Anthem.

There appears to be a Shell logo on one wall of Derick’s bar…LOL. Shell exists in real life. Why do we want it in an anime, now…?

I laughed so hard when I saw the landlady with what remained of Seven-O, hahaha.

Travis and Sophie, huh? Is it a ship or a working relationship? Who knows?

Oh! This didn’t make sense until Derick declared the bus was a bar. Rigggggggggght.

Kirill, believe in the Doug that believes in you…or something like that…

Kirill’s holding two guns, so when Cooper says, “Put down the gun,” which one does he mean???

“And Then There Weren’t None!” – Parodying (Agatha) Christie again, I see? (Referring to Hyouka’s Why Didn’t They Ask Evans parody, Why Didn’t She Ask Eba?.)

Golden Kamuy 23

How did “pig food” in a sentence become so terrifying???

Why is Tsurumi’s head leaking???

*Sugimoto bashes the earless twin with his prosthetic foot* - Well, that’s one way to get a leg up on someone…okay, I’ll see myself out.

Merc Storia 11

If Orthos is complaining about rain, why is he a water-element unit in the game???

This show is gorgeous. Not to mention the backgrounds look like they’ve been ripped out of the game…

Aw, Orthos is kinda cute. Kinda tsundere. I wonder if he wanted to hear “happy birthday” from Raviol…?

Every time I watch through the ED, I think Raviol’s going “Geddof me!” to Yuu.

Zombieland Saga 12 (FINAL)

The Yuugiri slap returns!

The 21st of December seems to have been the original airdate of this episode…

Karatsu-jou is Karatsu Castle, quite obviously.

Wait…does this mean Kotaro Tatsumi’s real (last) name is Inui? Or was this a “I changed my name bcause my mother/I (re)married” thing?

There’s an end of episode segment…keep watching.

That was…such a non-ending! This definitely needs a season 2 if it wants to finish its storyline! Plus, Yuugiri, Tatsumi and Tae never got their focus episodes!

Gridman 12 (FINAL)

What the heck was up with that smoke cloud? It looked so real, and yet so out of place!

Ooh, I see Anti now has the ability to transform by himself…although I should’ve figured that out last episode, since I think that happened then as well.

*Anti gets stabbed with Alexis’s sword* - What the hck just happened to my garbage son??? (refer to This Week in Anime for how that nickname came about for Anti)

Eyy. So you’re saying Gridman was a magical girl robot all along? Haha…hahahaha.

So basically, it’s Boueibu LOVE! but with less meta. With lessons of mortality instead of the Kabuki Rule. Akane’s basically female!Kinshiro, right down to the hairdo…

Wow…someone really ran out of budget. It’s literally just a slideshow, but with black and white over it.

Oh, there’s actually a nice piano song in the background. So maybe I was wrong about the budget…? I don’t really want to go and watch the slideshow again, y’know.

There’s a random live-action segment at the end of this show??? Wuh??? What do I need to expect next, a talking meteorite??? (referring to Dimension High School)

Okay, seriously??? What was up with live-action Rikka???? I don’t get it… Update: Okay, so the live-action girl was Akane, not Rikka. That’s why it was so confusing…

Double Decker 13 (FINAL)

I laughed really hard at the explosions. Probably because I Photoshopped someone into a picture of an explosion and the scene with Kirill being shoved forward by an explosion reminded me of it…

I wanted Max to slap Travis, as weird as that might be for a show like this (but not for a show like Zombieland Saga). A punch in the gut’s good too, though.

“To be continued?” – Oh. Ohh. Ooh…Heh. I already knew there were some extra episodes, but at this point, there’s no ruling out a season 2, either…hmmm. I really wouldn’t mind a season 2, y’know.

Golden Kamuy 24 (FINAL)

For some reason, I’ve ben referring to Hijikata as “old fart” for the length of this episode (meaning “not long”). He’s an impressive old fart, to be sure, and he was hella nice-looking in his heyday, but in the age of Golden Kamuy, he’s still an old fart.

I thought “Say hello to my little friend” was from Scarface, not…whatever Tsurumi’s pulling here. (commnt made in jest with straight face)

Seriously, what happened to ruin Nopperabo/Wilk’s face, anyway?

Someone make me a Civil War poster with Golden Kamuy characters, stat!

Wait, so Kiroranke, Asirpa and co. are headed north to meet up with Kiroranke’s allies, which could cause a civil/national war. Hijikata and Blockhead Dick-sensei (forgot his name) are headed south due to the info they got from Inudou’s hut (the chapel). I’m pretty sure that’s what just happened, but…I could have missed a bit and then I’d be wrong.

“Send the beloved child on a journey” is a Japanese saying, by the way. That’s (probably?) what Sugimoto’s referring to when he talks with the boat captain (the elder Koito). Oddly, the elder Koito seems to drop the last O from “-dono”, which seems to be a Satsuma thing…?

Cells at Work Special Ep (Ep 14)

Oh, you can see the effector cell amongst the other T Cells! Hello there!

I remember studying stuff about how a cell divides…man, that was at least 2 years ago! You’re making me feel old…

*Helper T Cell appears* - Gaddangit, Kazuma! (from Noragami)

Merc Storia 12 (FINAL)

There’s just something too awfully cute about a brother leaving the “nest”.

Even birds need to learn to fly. I wonder why Orthos didn’t…?

Ah! It’s one of those low-level hooting monsters! I’ve seen them in the game but I don’t know what they’re called…Update: They’re called Goldories. Spoke too soon…

Well…that’s a bit frustrating. That’s the second non-ending this season…hey! I’ve seen that elephant in the game! Plus that slime! (LOL, I’m so easily distracted…)

Ooh, that non-ending. I’ll give it a piece of its mind by giving it an average rating on my AniList!!! Rah!!! Anyways, see ya later…for 2019 anime.

Shield Hero 1

First anime of 2019 and it’s this one. Hoo boy – I’ve read one chapter of the manga, courtesy of CR. It’s gonna get nasty down in here, judging by the buzz that seems set to replicate Goblin Slayer’s…

Oh…that’s not a very favourable opening, the “It was all a dream” opening. Sure, it was gripping and showd Raphtalia (saw her name in promo material from ANN), but f*** if it weren’t overused at this point in time…

I always thought Shield Hero started out like Fushigi Yuugi…speaking of which, is that no longer on Crunchyroll?

Motoyasu’s got his own spinoff, so I’m hoping I’ll get to know him well over the next 12 weeks or so.

I find it interesting that they put the heroes together to reveal they’re from different versions of Japan so quickly. I’m pretty sure that didn’t happen in the manga.

Honestly, that “NOOOOOOOOOOOo!” could be an awesome reaction GIF. Just sayin’.

Sigh…Myne, Myne, Myne…you and your ways with Naofumi…

(Trigger warning: rape discussion) See? As I said, I knew this was going to happen. The thing is that it played out a lot more clearly in the anime than it did in the manga. As much as I don’t like the trope of “rape as accusation” enough (enough to have never encountered it before), it would be hypocritical of me to say I haven’t used it before – it appears in Half-Paid Heroes. However, one year out from having written it (due to the #MeToo movement), I can only say “rape is so not on”. I do not condone rape, but from a storytelling perspective it’s the perfect trope to make a character look like a monster and it makes a clearly false accusation have more oomph behind it, so…let’s just say Shield Hero’s doing its job here, making me despise Myne and the system in this world. Besides, I only stand on the side that does the better story.

For some reason, Naofumi’s “You can shove it all up your a***!” demand reminds me of when I’m angry and doing unreasonable demands…which means it’s won me over now.

I just realised…there hasn’t been much music until now…

(Trigger warning: slavery discussion) Oof. Now they’ve gotten to a new low of depravity in this show. Naofumi’s probably gonna buy a slave…again, I don’t condone this, but I assume Raphtalia is here.

Yep, even without knowing past ch 1, I was right on the money. That’s Raphtalia!

Poppies, huh? The symbol of bloodshed. What a perfect flower for this show, which demonstrates Naofumi’s blood, sweat and tears…

As much as I don’t condone some of the acts done in this show, I see some huge potential. Even if it’s got controversy flying around it like flies, I’ll stand with it. Are you with me?

Boogiepop 1 – 2

Double length premiere…oof, this’ll be tough on my spare time. Lately, I’ve been told to clean up the house a bunch and doing all manner of other things, so it’s just eating up time on all sides.

OP start is…for some reason, never a good start. For some reason, I just don’t like it. Maybe that might be the fact I was taught to start with a compelling opening scene when I was a fiction writer, though.

The subber got so bored they even subbed the Dengeki Bunko logo in the corner…wow. (sarcastic)

For some reason, the art style reminds me of Banana Fish (or Parasyte). Must be the chara designs.

This seems to be coated in a fine film of 90s edge. Or maybe the early 2000s, because that’s when this really comes from. C’mon, Takeda doesn’t even seem surprised when his mouth hangs open!

Notably, Boogiepop uses boku.

Wait, I don’t get why Boogiepop is called that. They pop the boogie(men)? That right?

I started zoning out and fiddling with my wrist in the middle of this episode. That’s another bad sign…

Wow, that ending’s really minimalist.

Currently, this episode raises more questions than it answers. Its overall impression level is trending slightly towards the negative. There must be a double premiere for a reason, though…let’s move on.

Wait - Kirima Seiichi? Is he Nagi’s father??? How did I not notice that earlier?

That manticore business seems to be correct…according to Wikipedia.

This doesn’t add up. Taniguchi. Kirima. Maybe Taniguchi is the name of the mother/father and Kirima is the name of the other parent? Update: Spoke too soon on this point and a previous one.

Kirima’s OS appears to be Windows 10 with a few adjustments.

Wait, but isn’t Suema meant to be the girl’s surname? Or is it Kinoshita? Update: It’s Suema. Kinoshita is another girl.

This white-haired man is the one from last episode, right? I didn’t really recognise him since there’s always terrible lighting plus he was wearing orange then, but yeah. Can’t believe I didn’t connect the dots there either.

White-haired man seems to be like Anti from Gridman. I presume he’s Echoes…? Update: Yup, Echoes it is.

Egao no Daika 1

This sounds like it’s outside my field of expertise, but I’ve been proven wrong before with Planet With, not to mention Toshiki Masuda is a character called Huey Malthis. It seems to be pretty standard Princess and the Pauper fare though…

There’s just a bunch of tablets with fancy-looking English on them…the heck?

Is it just me, or did the mecha game have the solitaire success sound effect…?

Ooh, I sense animosity regarding Japan’s emperor abdicating within this show (in a metaphorical sense)! I could analyse this show to bits, maybe…

The CGI in this actually ain’t that bad. Then again, we are talking about mechs here…

Oh, end of episode segment. Keep watching…

Well, I noticed the characters go off model if you’re paying attention to something you shouldn’t be, but otherwise, it’s a respectable first episode…respectable, but fairly average.

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thetradeway · 3 years

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Session 33: 20 Feb 2021: Blue Alley

My computer takes a shit so there’s a lot of waffle before we start. Finally we get going!

Mina has built a magical crossbow that doesn’t require ammo… Sus.

Joe asks if we all have pen and paper to hand - it turns out we do not. Ed has a dead battery and a sock. The reason for the paper is that we now have a pro sub on roll20 so there is some cool new stuff we can do, including automatic ammo tracking. We can also type something new into the chat box to reset after a long or short rest:

short rest: !short-rest long rest: !long-rest

select the token, then type that in the chat box and it will input a short or long rest automatically. There is more stuff as we go that Joe will introduce later.

Melaina has been elfing and grubbing about in the forest over the last five or six days. Gideon saw his friend Bromrik, who has made a mini bag of holding to keep in his sleeve for the flumph. Woah! Brother Charity rolls a persuasion check to see how much he’s raised for his charity work. he rolls a 10. He gathers 100gp for the poor. Yay!

The high druidess assures Tarragon that Tansy is still stable, in spite of what the demon told her. The woman she beat in the bar fight is called Renah Faroak, it turns out; she takes Tarragon up on her offer to go out drinking.

Melaina has been gathering supplies for us in the forest - she has secured 12 days total. Kessler has been talking to some other artificers, who want her help. I think, anyway, I was busy looking at Renah.

We meet back in the Dagger. Tarragon buys a round of drinks to celebrate Kessler’s career change. Kessler expresses some reservations about Brother Carl, who seems to have taken a lot of vows; suspiciously, it seems that everything we ask or offer him, he has taken a vow against. We make perception checks; everyone but Brother Charity spots on one of the neighbouring tables a rotund man with a walrus moustache watching us. (Based on nothing more than the moustache, Gideon likes him already.)

Kessler, as a city native, makes an Insight check - a 20. She recognises the man as one of the Lords of Waterdeep - a human by the name of Mirt. Ahleqs doesn’t wave at him. Mirt catches Kessler’s eye and approaches.

He introduces himself. He’s heard of us apparently - uh oh. Are we after adventures and possibly riches? Um, obviously. Have we heard of Blue Alley? “Is it a person or a place?” Mirt tells us that it’s a place. Kessler is familiar with it.

Blue Alley was made by a wizard. It’s a dungeon full of tricks, traps and strange monsters. The designer is rumoured to secretly observe the comings and goings and make wagers with his friends as to the outcomes. Oh, so it’s like the Crystal Maze! Or the Saw movies. Definitely one of those. At the mention of horror, Ahleqs goes a slightly paler blue.

Mirt wants us to secure a Celestite Unicorn from within Blue Alley. He’ll give us 250 gp if we return with it. Each?

“No, but the place is lousy with treasure and you can keep whatever you find.”

There’s some waffle about the definition of the word ‘lousy’ (he means there’s a lot of treasure in there, not that it’s crap treasure). Gideon bullies Mirt for a bit.

Why does he want this unicorn? He collects curios. Gideon goes to the bar to buy an ale; Filiare accosts him. He’s heard that there’s a powerful magic shield in Blue Alley.

Tarragon is down for anything, and says as much. Ahleqs pulls out a piece of parchment with ‘WWMPD’ on it (What Would Mr Pickles Do?’). He takes a big shaky breath and agrees. He will go, if he can stand behind us. Brother Charity says that Carl has taken a vow of Mystery, so he’ll come too.

Blue Alley is off Ivory Street in the Sea Ward; the cobblestones nearby are made of glittery blue stone so we’ll know when we get there. Mirt will take lodgings at the Dagger until we return, which we find a little suspicious; why does a Lord of Waterdeep want to stay in a grotty back-alley inn? We decide to stay and finish our night’s drinking; Brothers Charity and Carl must away to their prayer.

Cass comes over; was that Mirt, talking to us? She tells us that he used to run a company that hired out mercenaries. She thinks he’s having a hard time letting go. This is probably him getting his adventuring kicks vicariously. She asks what the job is; Gideon tells her about the Blue Alley and the Celestite Unicorn. She tells us Blue Alley is famous; it’s like a rite of passage for adventurers. She’s heard of a big golden door with treasures behind it.

Tarragon makes an insight check; it occurs to her that Larissa might be able to remove Ahleqs’ blue skin effect. She tells him; he says it hasn’t caused him any trouble, but perhaps it would be nice not to be blue again. For a while, anyway. He decides we will go and see about un-blueing him.

Ahleqs challenges someone to a drinking contest; just some rando in the bar. He intends to bet on himself and make a bunch of money, as he still can’t feel the effects of alcohol. Gideon points out that the alcohol might stack, and all hit him at once when the effect wears off. “‘It’s gone!’ ‘What?’ ‘Your liver!’”

Larissa will cast Lesser Restoration which should remove the blue effect on Ahleqs’ skin. She could do the alcohol one as well, but Ahleqs wants to make a bit more money off it first. Kessler grouses that now everyone will be staring at her again.

Tarragon has to decide whether to bring Popcorn; she decides to ask Ria if she will take him. She is absolutely delighted to do so. Ahleqs warns her - Popcorn has very specific dietary requirements; “he only eats absolutely anything”.

We follow Kessler and Brother Charity to the Sea Ward; the place is super rich and reeks of money. We find Ivory Street and start to look for the blue cobblestones.

Joe has prepared a fucking huge map; it takes us a moment to locate ourselves. We start off in the bottom left, on Ivory Street.

(Does Brother Charity use a shield? No, Faith is his shield!)

Ahleqs and Tarragon find the alley first. There is a permanent wall of force above it, preventing entry or escape from above. There is a sign on the wall with ‘Blue Alley’ painted on it. Bit of a clue, there. There is a podium of gleaming sodalite, upon which is a book bound in blue leather. Is it a signing in book? Ahleqs takes a look at it - with his eyes, not his hands.

From what he can see it has names in it; hundreds of them, all in different handwriting. Some have lines drawn through them. Presumably these are names of those who perished inside. He wants to go back to the Dagger; Tarragon asks where is his sense of adventure? Kessler reminds him of his mantra - WWMPD? She puts Gideon on babysitting duty. Ahleqs is mildly offended. Gideon doesn’t mind; Ahleqs has a fairly good grasp of the weave. Well, sometimes. Sometimes, the weave has a fairly good grasp of him.

Having decided it would be embarrassing to turn back now, Ahleqs thinks we should press on in spite of the crossed out names; about 25% of them are scratched through.

Melaina takes a look at the book; page after page of these names, laid out in rows. Jirr’s name is in the book - not crossed out. Have we seen her today? No, but her name is quite far back in the book so we’ve likely seen her since she was here. Melaina writes Ahleqs’ name in the book.

A great prank, but the ink fades by the time she’s finished. Kessler tries to fake Ahleqs out and pretend like he’s fading, which he buys initially but quickly works out that it’s a bamboozle.

Kessler signs her own name in the book. The wall of force will allow her through. It will not, however, let her back out. Isn’t that interesting. (We debate leaving, but eventually all write our names in the book and pass through to join her.)

We see a brightly coloured mural on the wall ahead, showing adventurers falling victim to all kinds of traps. An arrow above the mural pointing east is marked ‘silver’ and and an arrow pointing west is marked ‘gold’. Kessler wants to defer to Melaina, as she’s a rogue and has knowledge of gold and silver. Melaina studies the mural a bit more, with a 25. She notices two things: first, within the images of it, she can find pictures of all of us being horribly mutilated by traps. (Yikes! She decides not to point any of these out to Ahleqs.) In the fine details she spots a little message - 50ft south of the barred window is a secret door.

She thinks we should go west toward gold. She asks us; consensus is gold. We head west. Kessler goes first, checking for traps. Brother Charity suggests that ‘the wood elf’ should go first; Ahleqs points out that she has a name. Brother Charity says that she doesn’t like him referring to her in any way since he healed her in the bar fight without her permission. Ahleqs gives his blanket permission for any and all healing in advance.

Melaina looks for traps. Brother Charity tries to apologise again but she cuts him off before he can finish with a ‘shut up’.

She makes an Investigation check and rolls a 15. Kessler rushes ahead. She finds an ivory door with carvings of carnivorous animals eating their prey. She calls Gideon to come and open it for her.

Kessler investigates the door for traps. Rolls a 9. Brother Charity wants to investigate the door - he looks at it for visual clues in the carvings and images. He can’t find anything hidden. He believes it leads to some kind of zoo or circus. Tarragon pokes it with her OLD quarterstaff, not the NEW one. The door doesn’t open.

Melaina users her mage hand to try the handle. It turns, but the door is locked. No traps trigger.

She checks the lock for traps. It doesn’t appear trapped. She picks the lock. Would she like to open the door? Ahleqs wanted to listen at the door first.

He makes a perception check; a dirty 20. He hears nothing but the crackling of torches.

(Gideon realises, a week too late, that he gave Gunna his transmuter’s stone before he fucked off. Matthew points out that to add insult to injury, he has a weapon of +1 and a glowing stone that Kessler gave him as well. Damn if he’s not a good pirate.)

Melaina opens the door. (Joe is asking questions about exactly what she’s doing. Opening and looking, or going in? This is not good…)

Ahleqs takes a tentative step in (we shut the door behind him). As he steps through the stone walls have been whitewashed and painted with chests containing treasure, but lined with teeth. There is a real chest on the far wall, a reinforced one. There are three words painted on the wall: This, Tool, With.

Melaina, Kessler and Charity make perception checks and see teeth appear from the ceiling all around the room. Descending from it comes an enormous mimic.

Before Ahleqs can Mage Armour, it pseudopods him. He takes 9 bludgeoning damage and is now stuck to the mimic, which is going to make it very hard for him to run away.

Roll initiative!

Gideon goes first. No, Kessler says that she goes first as she has a higher DEX mod. She fires her new crossbow - 11 DOES NOT HIT, but 25 does.

Gideon forgot to prep new spells, “what a doofus”. He goes for a shocking grasp - or a chill touch? He makes a grab, at the risk of getting gorilla glued himself, for a shocking grasp. And is, in fact, gorilla glued.

The mimic takes a chunk out of Ahleqs. Then it tries to drag its snackettes into a corner.

Tarragon rushes in, intending to do a thorn whip if she is close enough - and finds that the room is much smaller than she imagined, and she is now in melee range of the mimic. Shit! Not what she had planned. She swings at the mimic with her new quarterstaff and hits, but finds herself stuck to it.

Melaina crits and does 41 points of damage - all of us that are stuck to it feel it convulse. It did not like that one little bit. Nice shot Melaina!

Ahleqs casts Misty Step, getting out of the danger zone and the grapple. He does an Eldritch Blast for good measure. He is very frightened, so he uses ToC even though we’re all in close quarters. He hits with both, and a modron appears.

Brother Carl looks at Brother Charity, does some Jason Voorhies breathing, looks at Melaina and realises he can’t get in to the room because of all the people in the way, so he holds his action. If something comes out of the door he will punch the shit out of it. Brother Charity heals Ahleqs. Ahleqs’ opinion of him goes up by a great deal; Melaina gives him a withering stare.

Kessler takes another couple of shots with her crossbow; the first crits. She rolls on the table - max damage, and she has advantage on attacks against it for 1d4+1 rounds. Nice.

14 just hits. Good to know, but it doesn’t matter because - How-de-do-dis!

She explodes it, sending chunks of mimic all over those of us who were grappled.

The reinforced chest on the wall is closed but appears to have no lock. It could be another mimic, but Gideon is prepared to take that chance. He kicks it open. He has found 24gp, 267sp, small bronze bell and a silver key wrapped in a piece of cloth. 57 sp each, everyone else gets 5gp and he’ll take the four. The bell doesn’t sound until five minutes after it is rung. A fun little trinket; he stashes it away for pranks later on.

Joe goes to make some coffee; for some reason the conversation turns to butt implants. They are shaped like jelly tots, apparently, free floating under the skin. Joe helpfully provides an image on the WhatsApp of one that has flipped over. Ed deletes it (only to realise later on that WhatsApp has saved it to his phone).

Gideon finds a door at the top of a short flight of stairs, but there is no keyhole. He knocks. It is not locked. “Boot it open?” he asks us. Chorus of “Boot it open!” He boots it open to see a 20x20foot pasture with lush grasses and blue sky overhead. There are silver plated ox skulls with runes carved on the horns in two little alcoves to the north and east of the enclosure. There is a water trough in the corner between them, and a tree in the north west corner.

Gideon investigates the troughs, and sniffs the water. There is something strange about it! He takes a look at the grass and trees but there’s something in his eye oooh ahhh oh no.

Melaina takes a look at the skulls. The runes look magical. The geometric pattern on the wall of the silos is a repeating pattern of a key.

Gideon tells us that the water, grass, and bushes are all an illusion. (I can’t tell if Ed is serious or if this is the result of a poor Investigation check.) (Nope - he’s serious, they are illusory.)

Ahleqs makes an Arcana check on the runes, which are magical but not a language. He feels a strong urge to grab the bull by the horns, which runs counter to everything he stands for.

Ahleqs grasps the horns. The door behind us slams shut and we hear:

“MOOOOO!”

Oh fuck.

(Brother Carl is just inside the door with us; he knocks on the now closed door. Nothing happens.)

As Ahleqs touched the horns, Tarragon and Melaina notice that the horns on the other skull glow faintly. Gideon asks Charity to grasp the other horns. (”Pushing buttons willy nilly, what can go wrong?”) Brother Charity does so.

We, rather predictably, roll initiative.

(Charity: “Carl, protect my soft squishy body!”)

Gideon makes a perception check before the fight begins - gets a natty 20. Hanging around the neck of the minotaur that has appeared is a key made of ivory. It’s a similar size to the one he found in the last room. He asks the minotaur nicely to hand over the key. It snorts, and even from five feet away Gideon gets a faceful of minotaur snot.

As Brother Charity removes his hand from the horns to attack, the minotaur disappears, taking the key with it. Ah. So two people have to be holding the horns of both of the skulls, in order for the minotaur and his key to appear.

Ahleqs suggests putting hands on horns, mage handing the key, and letting go again. Gideon thinks we should put a pile of sharp things where we think he will reappear.

Perhaps we should sing it a soothing cow song?

Brother Charity and Ahleqs take hold of the horns again. (Gideon, to the newly reappeared minotaur: “Greetings!”) Gideon waffles on at the minotaur while Melaina does her Mage Hand - as she’s an arcane trickster rogue, it’s invisible to everyone but her.

Joe suspends the initiative order while Melaina makes a sleight of hand check. The minotaur advances on Gideon, swinging its axe. It misses, and Melaina rolls a 23, snatching the key. The minotaur’s axe is stuck in the ground at Gideon’s feet; he kicks it.

Ahleqs lets go of the horns - the minotaur disappears, but so does the key. Well, balls.

Melaina makes an insight check (retroactive - while she still had the key in her possession). The markings on the key look very similar to the ivory door behind which we found the mimic. So we might not need this key… But we do need to get out. We think it’s probably the case that the door won’t open until we best the minotaur.

(The door we came in through to the pasture was made of wood. Will we find a wooden key, later on?)

Whoever is grasping the horns must use both hands, which is unfortunate as it means that they can’t fight. Gideon suggests wrapping the horns in leather, maybe that will fool them.

Melaina tries to climb the tree, but her hand goes straight through it. She could hide behind it, if the minotaur doesn’t know it’s an illusion.

Carl could grab the horns of the bull if Ahleqs wants to make use of his magic, Charity offers? Ahleqs agrees. Brother Charity says that although he will be out of the fight, he can mop us up afterward.

Initiative time! Brother Charity uses his action to hold the horns, as does Brother Carl. Kessler is up.

She uses her crossbow and hits both times. The minotaur hits Gideon with its great axe, doing 15 damage. It’s his turn. Is it wearing armour? It is wearing not as much as we would like, but yes it is. (The DM tells us that this minotaur is anatomically correct, which sucks for the shorter members of the party. Duncan OOC: “That counts as an improvised weapon.” We all immediately throw up.) Gideon shocking grasps its dick, and it lets out a howl - which the DM goes to great lengths to inform us is a pained howl, not... Anyway. Moving on.

Melaina hits it for 23 damage. She makes a hide attempt, and is successful.

As a bonus action Ahleqs dry heaves. Then he casts Shatter at 3rd level with careful spell so he doesn’t get Gideon.

It hits; the minotaur grunts, and Gideon is covered in a second layer of minotaur snot.

Both Brothers continue to hold their horns. (lol.)

Kessler fires her crossbow again and does some solid damage.

Tarragon Entangled the minotaur on her turn, so it can’t move. It attacks Gideon from where it is, and hits with a 23 for 26 slashing damage. Grease wizard is AFK so he’ll have that to look forward to when he gets back. It’s his turn though, so we have a little discussion. If that thing had got a nat 20 with its attack, it could have killed Gideon. Maybe we should bust out the big guns…?

(Ed, upon returning, and being told that the 26 damage in the chat is for him: “Ah, thank you.”)

What’s Gideon doing, apart from bleeding? He will cast Ray of Enfeeblement! He rolls a 9 to hit, which doesn’t. He moves away, as the thing is restrained.

How many hundreds of points of damage would Melaina like to do? Well, none, because she misses. Dammit.

Ahleqs casts - oh fuck! - Fireball! He uses Careful Spell again, phew. 27 points of damage if the minotaur fails its DEX save - which it doesn’t, it just makes the save. Shit. Ahleqs hates that. It takes half of 27. Wait - he can use Bend Luck to force it to take a d4 off its save so it does take 27 damage. Yeah!

Tarragon gets the how-de-do-dis. She hits the minotaur with her quarterstaff, shattering his ankles, and he falls on his face. Around his neck is the key which we no longer need, but the doors behind us open. Melaina picks up the key anyway, as she likes shiny things. Brother Charity heals Gideon for 19 points.

We move on; Gideon finds another door. He investigates with a 14. We wait for Joe’s computer to catch up. (While we wait, Ahleqs decides that Mage Armour is his signature move.)

Is the door trapped? It is not. Gideon busts in there! Tank Wizard. (Brother Charity, imperiously: “Brother Carl - with Gideon.”) Behind the door are some stairs. They are covered with a rug with geometric patterns; it is exquisite. Running down the centre of the stairs Melaina spots some sort of glue.

Simple enough - we roll up the rug! Or avoid it. Or - the opposite of glue is grease…

We decide to roll up the carpet. Brother Charity wants to know is it nice? Does this count as vandalism? Yes it is nice, so probably yes it does.

We manage to pick up a corner, but the carpet is glued in place. Kessler suggests setting fire to it. Melaina reckons with a DEX check we could avoid the glue in the middle. She has a go at skipping up the side. She basically somersaults to the top with a nat 20. Sophie: “Bazinga!”

Brother Charity rolls a 7 and stands right in the glue. Ahleqs does the same with a 13.

Kessler suggests that Tarragon become a spider; then she could walk up the wall and avoid the glue entirely. Tarragon debates, but doesn’t want to waste a beast shape. She has a really good look at the glue and makes her DEX check at advantage like Melaina, waltzing up with an 18 total. Kessler has a look as well with her Observant feat, with a 21. She makes a stealth check for some reason and rolls a 4, to her own great amusement. She makes a DEX check instead and gets a 20, making it to the top.

Brother Charity, stuck on the stairs, makes an Investigation check on the glue with a nat 20; this is specially formulated very strong glue. He steps out of his shoes and goes back down (this is all very Home Alone) but has to make a DEX check in order to not fall over and get his face stuck to the stairs. He rolls a ten. He is now stuck by his face.

Gideon, for some reason, also manages to make it to the top.

A magic mouth appears at the top of the stairs. “Laughter is the best medicine - make me laugh!” Melaina directs its attention to the priest stuck to the stairs by his face.

This is as funny to the mouth as it is to the rest of us, so it laughs and Brother Charity becomes unstuck. Ahleqs remains glued in place, however. He tries mage hand but it only succeeds in pulling his jumper over his head leaving his ears sticking out; fortunately the mouth finds this as hilarious as we do, and he becomes unstuck also.

Carl can investigate for glue so he does. He rolls a nat 20 - very fortunate, as his modifier is a minus 3. He rolls 12 on his DEX, however, and gets stuck. The mouth tells us to make it laugh.

Gideon: “Did you hear about the knight who fell from a cliff and lived? They call him Sir Vive!” We hit him. He makes a performance check - but wants to try another joke first.

“An elf walks into a club - and takes 1d6 damage!” This makes me laugh, so Joe allows it and Brother Carl becomes unstuck. What an excellent session of dungeons and dragons!

Mina pops out to go to bed, and Gideon immediately suggests throwing Kessler down the stairs.

#dnd #thetradeway #campaign diary

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letsdiscoverkitty · 6 years

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Thursday 23rd November: Update

It feels like it has been quite a while since I posted some sort of an update on here, and I can only apologise that and for my disappearance. I am going to place my *update* under a read more as I realise it could be triggering and also I am not sure how long it’s going to be, which knowing me it will likely go on a while. So, here goes...

This is going to be an update about treatment: I have now been under the Bristol ED team for a number of weeks and I think it is fair to say that I have not been doing very well. My mental health has taken a real turn for the worse since coming to University and although some things are good/I am enjoying living in Bristol/doing well at my course on paper, I am at the same time, very far from ‘okay’ and am not coping.

I have been stuck in a nasty relapse and have been finding it incredibly hard to see a way out. I don’t know *exactly* what triggered this and right now I am not in a place to be exploring it beyond the surface level, but I have been feeling increasingly more hopeless as time passes. I think that one of the biggest reasons for this is because I am going around in circles/the same cycles year after year after year. I can do so much at home, I get so far and then I end up back in a really dark place, undoing the hard work I put in. Part of me knows why it might be (probably to do with never really letting go/letting anorexia dictate ‘recovery’ and not reaching and maintaining the goal weight I was set - as well as not getting therapy alongside it all).

In all honest I am tired of fighting. STEPs are a great service however when you are stuck in relapse it can be quite difficult as they work on the motivation to change cycle; which I am very much lacking in at the moment. I have been placed on a waiting list for a contemplation group, however that group does not start until the end of January and until then I have just been having, and will continue to have, weekly appointments for checking in ‘try to stabilise’.

There has now been another option thrown into the mix due to my continued deterioration and inability to pull myself back up. It was mentioned at my last appointment and I was told to go away to consider things until today where we talked about it more. Basically, to keep things as short as I can, they want me to seriously consider an admission. This has thrown a real spanner in the works and has caused my head to be on over-drive for the past two weeks however part of me is almost relieved? I am simply not coping and as hard as that is to admit, I am desperate for help and am so tired of *this* being my life. I feel like a complete and utter failure. I have let down so many people, including my parents and myself. I hate hate hate the idea of dropping out of University again but I know deep down that I cannot get through another term like this. It just isn’t possible. The inpatient admission was mentioned when I was already feeling quite unsure about my course (I am feeling a little better about it now) as well as feeling very cut-off /left out from University life - so it pretty much sent my head into a constant spin.

Today I said that I am seriously considering the option. Saying those words terrifies me but at the same time I am just, idk, I am at the end of my tether. I feel unable to make changes myself (god knows I have tried) and I am just...exhausted.

I am going to be meeting with the consultant within the next two weeks (I am awaiting a phone call to confirm the date/time as he was on the phone today when G tried to see him during our appointment). Apparently from that appointment with the consultant and G, I will then get to look around the ward itself and see how they work/consider the goals of the admission - all whilst not being tied down to anything. Then there is the waiting list...which who knows how long it is. G said the consultant might know a little more. This would of course mean taking time out from my course. Right now my goal is to finish first term and do my January exams so that I don’t have to repeat first term when/should I return. However I have a number of barriers in the way that need exploring: the main one is to do with accommodation, which I think terminates if I were to leave for medical reasons, however that would then mean that I wouldn’t have an address in Bristol, hence no GP in Bristol - which has a direct impact on the treatment I could get (if that makes sense?). It is all quite messy. Home is not an option this time around for many reasons including: I would be going home to literally no treatment team (my home team is very small anyway/lack of resources and then the few people I used to see have now all left) there are no IP beds in the county so would likely not get that level of treatment, home recovery is something I have attempted countless numbers of times but it has not been effective (I had one short IP stay which did help but, in hind sight was not enough), my parents are going to NZ for a month late Jan/Feb time so I would be all alone, I would be even more isolated/end up spending another year in my room, little therapy options etc.

So with home not being an option, and suspending studies likely meaning I have no address here, there is a lot that I need to look into/find out about. The worry is also there about what would happen from discharge as I would want to continue working with the team and thus need to be in Bristol..Anyway, you can kind of get a feel for this ‘small’ dilemma. I then have other things that need looking into. My head is giving me hell for even considering an admission, and I can’t/won’t put into words some of the things that it is tormenting me over but I think you can get the general idea/gist.

The worries about whether University is right for me or even the course are still there however I am not sure if my terrible mental state is having a huge impact on how I feel about them both. In that sense, taking some time out might make a little sense as it might help me to see whether it is what I want to be doing. At the same time it would be ANOTHER year with my life on hold and to do that....god I can’t even.

The last little bit of my appointment was spent with G trying to persuade me to find even the smallest bit of fight within me to try to stop the spiral that has been growing and growing. medical beds have been mentioned a number of times and she did ask me how I felt about that as a possibility and tbh it isn't even something I consider to be applicable to me. I know the facts about it all but I don’t see it ever happening to me. My bloods are okay at the moment, I have never really had too much of a problem in the past when I have been ‘worse’, so I don’t see it as an issue. At least one reassuring thing that came from that discussion, the ward does not take people who are medically unstable and they try to keep it as supportive environment as possible for people to use to help move forwards. Of course there will be times when there might be people detained there, however they try to avoid this and do not do any NG tubing (such a relief as I know being in that kind of environment would just not be good for me).

Anyway, in true Kitty style I have rambled on and am now not even sure what I have talked about/forgotten to mention but I suppose this is just a small update about things treatment wise. I can’t emphasise enough how truly sorry I am for letting you all down and for being in this position once again. I would never wish this illness on anyone in the whole entire world and to know that there are so many of you out there who also struggle is hard. Right now I am focusing on getting through the next few weeks; I have a lot on a Uni at the moment what with a 26hour week next week (I know and that is just the hours IN uni not the pre/post labs and write ups), a neuroanatomy exam the week after and a physiology exam the next. Not forgetting the neuroscience, pharmacology and physiology exams in January that are each 2 hours long...sigh.

Hopefully I will hear back about the consultant meeting soon and I will keep my blog updated best I can. Please take care of yourselves, I know it is hard and some days are harder than others but we have to keep holding on, even if it is just in the hope that tomorrow might be a little more manageable xxx

#personal #TW #trigger warning #update #I really am so sorry

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naughty-teddy-innit · 7 years

Text

Emily & Ed: Part 1 Forever and Ever…A Love Story.

Title: Ed and Emily - A Love Story Author: @naughty-teddy-innit Rating: PG- No smuts, brief sexy texts, making out

Enjoy, and comments, Asks, Feedback and Reblogs are LOVE! Xoxoxoxo

There are certain moments in my life that I will hold tight and keep just for me, memories that are indelibly inked on my heart. These memories, the building blocks of my soul, could never be adequately captured in a photograph or described in a journal, they exist only in me. They sneak up and trigger that waterfall of emotion that remind me why life is worth living. The first time those beautiful, soft, perfectly pink lips found mine. The first time his soft accented voice murmured the word “Forever”, and every single time after, because “I love you” was never enough. The day I had to say goodbye to my grandmother, when my heart was broken and the arms I needed around me, to keep me strong, were halfway across the world and when I thought I couldn’t feel more pain, he was there, his arms around me, holding me up. Christmas morning. Walking into the living room to the glow of the lights from the tree lighting his face like an angel, and the sight of him down on his knee, pure love in his eyes, and my grandmother’s ring in his hand. The smile on his face when I managed a “Yes!” through the tears. These moments are the ones that will stay with me, seared into my heart and spirit for as long as I live. Today, the one instance that tops them all, the one that will stay with me until my life leaves me, is the look in his eyes as I walked towards him, down that aisle, to become his wife.

From the moment we became engaged, we knew we wanted a wedding just for us, simple, with just our family and loved ones. The people we cherished the most. Ed’s heart lay in his hometown, it always had, and I knew when it came time for us to make those promises, that’s where we would do it. We chose the church where he first sang in the choir as a child for our ceremony, knowing that going back to where it all started was the perfect way to symbolize our new beginning. We debated where to have our celebration after the ceremony, a local B&B or maybe a hotel, but none felt right. One night, laying in the hammock overlooking his gorgeous property in Suffolk, with our cold beers in hand and a blanket wrapped around us, we realized what we’d been missing the whole time. We didn’t need a fancy hotel, we could bring our celebration to us, in the place where our new life was about to begin. From that moment on, every bit of our planning led to home.

All these months later, I couldn’t believe The Day was finally drawing so near. All week we’ve witnessed the transformation of this simple, yet stunning piece of land as it turned into our dream come true. A huge, beautiful marquee would be set up, in beautiful blues and silvers, with what would seem like thousands of wildflowers hung everywhere. Candles and lanterns would line the walkways and delicate fairy lights would line the roof of the tent and the trees that dotted the property. We didn’t want our guests to be separated, so we planned for only two single long tables set up on either side of the tent, with candles and creamy roses scattered throughout the table settings. Our sweetheart table was simple, festooned with daisies and tiny candles, and framed by the glow from the fairy lights. A classic, simple dance floor would be set up at the far end, with a small stage for the band, and in the opposite corner would be a full bar, a requirement for my hubby to be. It was going to be our dream English Garden celebration, and I couldn’t wait to see it all come together.

I opened my eyes this morning to the sound of rain, but I couldn’t have cared less. I rolled over in my bed, a smile plastered on my face as I caught sight of my dress hanging from the window, and the small velvet box on the dresser containing Ed’s ring. Today, he would officially, and legally, be forever mine, and I would be his. We would make our vows and exchange our rings, and our new life would start. I could not wait. I hopped out of my bed, thinking that it possibly was the first and only morning of my life that I wouldn’t need coffee! My family, of course, had flown in for the wedding, and we were staying at the hotel where Ed actually had his first job. Under any other circumstances I would have simply stayed with Ed in our flat in the city, but being the traditionalist I was, I had decided we would not stay together the week leading up to the wedding. Even worse for the poor boy, I had made the decision that sex was off the table for the month leading up to the wedding, wanting our wedding night to be memorable and special. Ed had NOT particularly been a fan of this turn of events, but despite many, MANY temptations, we’d managed to abstain. Barely. Just barely.

I had also insisted on maintaining the age old tradition of the groom not seeing the bride before the ceremony. Ed had always been one to treasure of every single moment; one of the things I loved most about him was how he always wore his heart on his sleeve. He’d talked many times about waiting for this moment his whole life long, and I was so ready to BE that moment. I wanted to see the emotion in his eyes, the expression on his face, as he saw me for the first time at the back of the church. He wasn’t the only one who’d been waiting his whole life, and I wanted to soak every bit of it in.

The hours leading up to the ceremony were a blur of waffles and mimosas, hair rollers and hairspray, and best of all, giggles and time with the ladies I loved the most. My younger sister was my maid of honour, and my childhood best friend, along with my 2 best girlfriends from college, were my bridesmaids. My hair was simple, I wore it half up, flowers pinned behind my ear, soft waves on my shoulder. I kept my makeup soft and natural, Ed had always said less was more, and had never been a fan of any kind of makeup at all. I had never much cared either way, so I went for the natural look, hoping it was enough to look pretty in our pictures. Hair done and face all pretty, it was time. I had been ready to step into my dress for weeks; I think I was in love with it as I was with Ed. From the moment we began planning the wedding I knew how I wanted to look walking down that aisle. Simple, traditional, classic, beautiful. I had tried on only 4 dresses, and from the second that first one slid up my body, I knew it was the one. Fitted to my body perfectly with a slight flair and with delicate, tiny, beaded cap sleeves, it was made of the most beautiful, intricate lace I had ever seen. The embellishment of the tiny cap sleeves was accented by the simple elegance of the illusion neckline, accented with the same lace that flowed over my dress. It fastened with tiny pearl buttons up the back, flowed into a sweep train, and in my eyes, defined simplicity and beauty. Initially, I had fought against a veil, thinking it would be far too much, and really, I wasn’t a bells and whistles sort of girl anyway. That all changed when my mother had managed to unearth the stunning, hand-sewn lace veil my grandmother had worn when she married my granddad. It was light and airy and edged in gorgeous antique lace with tiny pearl accents, and flowed to the perfect length to frame my dress. My mother had gently placed the veil on my head during my last fitting, adjusting the comb so that its cathedral length flowed around my body, and in that moment, I could feel my grandmother’s presence all around me. I knew she would be with me as I walked down that aisle, and there was nothing I wanted more.

I was as desperate for our wedding night as Ed was, a month is a LONG time, and so I had wickedly chosen my undergarments knowing they’d drive him wild once he got to them. I chose a simple lace bustier, sheer with lacy patterning on the boning, with embroidered cups, laced with silky ribbon in the back. To say it enhanced my cleavage would be an understatement, but thankfully the lacy illusion neckline of my dress kept that secret hidden, a little something just for Ed. The matching lacy panties were high cut and butt-cheek baring, with tiny bows at the hips. I wore thigh-highs, specifically for the purpose of tantalizing and teasing Ed later on, and the little straps at the bottom of the bustier clipped to the tops of those. I caught a glance of myself in the mirror, and biting my lip with a wicked smirk, thought maybe I’d share a taste of the view. Grabbing my phone off the bathroom counter, I angled it low and snapped a quick shot. The angle of it showed the lace edging at the bottom of the bustier, the bow at the curve of my hip, and the beginning of the strap that reached down to where it clipped to my hose. I flicked open my messaging app and attaching the pic, sent a quick message to my soon-to-be hubby.

Me: 2 hours to go and you’re all mine…thought maybe you’d like a little taste of what’s waiting for you later…xoxoxox…

Ed: Can’t wait till you’re MY WIFE. Also can’t wait get those fucking sexy panties OFF my wife…Fucking HELL.

Me: You’ll have to unbutton and unlace me first…

Ed: Jesus. Em, you’re the ONLY wedding gift I plan to unwrap tonight….

Me: It’ll be worth the wait. I promise…. See you at the altar, Teddy <3 xoxoxoxox

Ed: I’ll be the one in the monkey suit…probably trying not to cry. Forever and ever Love…

I let eyes my shut for a moment and let the enormous smile inside of me spread across my face. I loved this man so much. I wanted to call him husband and wear that ring and be his wife, I was READY. Well, except for the half naked part, though I’m sure Ed wouldn’t have minded. Time to put on the dress and become a wife! I wrapped a silky robe around me and hurried out of the bathroom, ready to step into my gown and get this show on the road. Our talented photographer arrived just in time to capture the getting-ready moments that I knew would be so lovely to look back on; the smiles and giggles, last minute jewelry and makeup touch-ups, and group hugs with the women I loved the most. I stepped into my dress, carefully sliding it up my body and guiding the tiny sleeves over my shoulders. My sister and mother fastened each button, while my best girlfriends helped secure my tiny teardrop earrings and pearl bracelet. My dress in place, I slid my feet into my comfy, specially bedazzled flats while my bridesmaids held my skirt. Heels and I did not have a good relationship, so this was my special treat on my special day, and I LOVED them. The veil would be placed in my hair once we arrived at church, simply because of its length and my not wanting to ruin it in the car. I swallowed, and with the help of my entourage, turned to face the mirror, ready to see myself as a bride. The reflection that stared back at me was everything I hoped to be on my wedding day. The dress clung to me perfectly and made me feel the most beautiful I’d ever felt. I didn’t feel overdone and gaudy, but rather natural and soft and stunning. I couldn’t wait for Ed to see me. The tear on my mother’s cheek and the looks on the faces that surrounded me…they spoke volumes. I was ready.

We took many photos, I wanted to capture every moment I could. We posed on the bed, by the window, all together and one-on-one. As we finished with photos, and began to gather our handbags and emergency supplies, we were interrupted by a knock at the door. My sister waved me aside as she ran to check who it was, not wanting anyone to see me who shouldn’t. The visitor turned out to be Ed’s older brother, and best man, Matthew. He had the sweetest smile on his face when he saw me, and in his soft voice commented on how Ed was the luckiest man in England today. That brought a blush to my cheeks and a smile to my face, and so I gently hugged him and thanked him. He was carrying a medium-sized, flat box, simply wrapped, with an envelope tucked under the silver ribbon. I felt a hand guide me to the chair by the breakfast table, and someone helped hold my skirt while I sat down. Matthew placed the package on the table beside me, and said simply “He wanted you to have this.” As he stepped back, I carefully untied the silver ribbon, and slipped the card from its envelope, steeling myself for what was written inside. I knew my fiancé better than anyone, and I was betting it was a good thing I was wearing waterproof mascara. I wasn’t wrong.

Em, My Love,

Everything I’ve done in my life has led to this day, and I can’t wait to share it, and every day after, with you. Every moment with you has been the best of my life, and I know it’s only going to get better with you by my side. I can’t wait to be your husband for all of our days.

Hurry up Wife, I’m waiting….

Forever and Ever Xo

Teddy

That man had the power to undo me in a heartbeat, and reading those words, had my heart nearly bursting. I looked to the ceiling, trying to hold back the tears that had sprung to my eyes.

I could barely comprehend how one man could complete me the way he did. I felt tissues being pressed into my hands, and heard the sound of my sister gasping that I’d smear my makeup, but in that moment I could have walked that aisle with raccoon eyes, and not cared a bit. I dabbed my eyes, and took a slow, shaky breath, replacing the card on the table. I reached for the package, carefully unwrapping the paper and seeing a simple white gift box. My fingers fumbled with the lid, eagerly trying to remove it so I could see inside, but in my eagerness it didn’t want to cooperate. My mom quickly helped lift the other end of the lid, allowing me to yank the whole thing off, and I tossed it to the side, dying to see what was underneath. My breath slowed and my eyes widened as my fingers found the soft leather cover of the photo album inside. I pushed the tissue paper aside and lifted it carefully from the box, setting it on the table. I could feel my eyes water as I took in the intricate detail embossed on the cover, and the gorgeous smell of the leather. I gently flipped it open, and the only words I could force from my mouth were Oh Teddy, as my eyes welled up. The first page contained the very first photo ever taken of us, a selfie of all things at mutual friend’s holiday party, ugly Christmas sweaters and all. He’d collected photos from our friends and family, combed through our personal collection; even printing snapshots from our phones. I even recognized a couple of photos as shots taken from various Instagram’s. My eyes couldn’t take them all in fast enough; as I continued to flip through the pages, the memories and feelings that came with each one almost overpowered me. Rosy cheeks on a ski vacation when I’d managed to wreck my ankle the second day. Our first New Year’s Eve together as a couple, silly hats on our heads, noisemakers in our mouths. Arms wrapped around each other, goofy grins on our faces at my college graduation. A sneaky shot of us fast sleep on an airplane, my head tucked in his neck, his face buried in my hair. My first (and only!) tattoo experience, the cookie monster on my foot, my hands clutching Ed’s as he tried not to laugh. An intimate selfie of us cuddled up in bed, me in my glasses and makeup free, both of us content and cuddled up in blankets. The two of us entwined under the Christmas tree, the lights reflecting in our eyes as I showed off my ring the morning we got engaged, my face wreathed in the biggest smile I’d ever seen. I noticed looking at it now, how Ed had eyes only for me, there was such love and tenderness on his face; it was like he didn’t even realize the camera was there. The gorgeous engagement photos we had taken on his property in the spring, the sun on our cheeks and the beautiful trees he’d planted in the background. So many precious moments captured, and he’d put them all together in this gorgeous book, and even dated and handwritten a caption under every single one. Our whole life together so far, my whole heart, wrapped up in a box. It was so beautiful, so thoughtful, so overwhelming that he’d put so much time and effort into this perfect gift. I couldn’t have been more in love with him than I was at that moment.

I gently closed the book, smoothing a hand over the cover before placing it back in the box. I looked at Matthew, and still trying to hold back tears, gave him a message for Ed. “It’s perfect. Utterly, completely perfect. I love it. Tell him I’m ready, and he better be waiting!” Matthew grinned, promising to pass on my message, and then politely showed himself out. I stood up from my chair and determinedly declared it was time to go, I was ready to marry my man. “I’m leaving with or without you”, I told them with a grin, and with a chorus of “Yes ma’am’s!” we gathered our bags and belongings and headed out.

I was extremely close with my mom, she was my best friend and most loyal supporter, and I was so thrilled to have had her by my side during this whole wedding planning process, but since the day I was born, I was, and always would be, a Daddy’s girl. He had insisted that he not be told a single detail about my dress, that he didn’t want to see a thing until I was ready to walk the down the aisle, and so he had stayed in the dark, until now. I knew he’d be waiting for me at the bottom of the gorgeous staircase that led down to the lobby of the hotel, and I couldn’t wait for his reaction. My bridesmaids went ahead of me, followed by my mother, and when I could see them along with my dad in position at the bottom, I began my descent. I hadn’t gone down 3 steps when I eyes locked with my daddy’s, and that was it. The pride and emotion was literally beaming from his eyes, and his mouth was open as if in awe. As I reached the bottom, he stepped forward and proffered his hand, assisting me down the last step, with the biggest smile I’d ever seen dancing on his face. He kissed my cheeks and twirled me around, his eyes crinkling as he took me in. He opened his mouth, trying to find the right words, and when nothing came out, that’s when I noticed his eyes were damp and he was struggling to keep it together. Oh my sweet Daddy. I kissed his bearded cheek and told him how debonair and handsome he looked, and that he’d better keep it together or we’d never make it down the aisle. He just grinned and shook his head, telling me I’d always been his voice of reason. He took my hand and we headed for the doors, ready to go to the church. Thankfully, any rain that had fallen that morning had disappeared, and the skies were now clearest blue. The sun was brilliant, its warmth enveloping me as we walked through the door, and I couldn’t help but bask in it, just for the briefest of moments. I hadn’t any idea how we were getting to the church, only that my dad had promised he’d get us there in style. He had refused to reveal anything more than that, so I was more than curious to see what awaited us outside. I gasped when I walked through the doors, seeing the sleek, snow white, vintage Bentley that was awaiting us at the curb. I could picture Princess Diana or Duchess Kate making their grand entrances from this gorgeous car. All I could do was clap my hands and let out a squeal when I saw it, it was just incredible. My mother and my dad helped me climb into the plush backseat, and arranged my skirt just so. I noticed a second, more modern Bentley pull up behind us, ready to chauffeur my mother, sister and best friends to the ceremony, right along with us. After he ensured that they were safely tucked away in their ride, my dad climbed into the backseat right beside me, motioning to the driver that we were ready to go. It was only a short drive, but that few minutes was enough for the butterflies to set in. Unconsciously, I began twisting my fingers together, tracing my manicured nails over and over, and tapping my foot. My gentle daddy, he clasped my hands in his, gently stroking my knuckles, and smiled that reassuring smile that had brought me through many difficult times. “He’s the luckiest man this side of the pond, you know.” He whispered softly. “He’s so good for you, and you bring out the best in him. I wouldn’t walk you down that aisle to just anyone. You know that.”

I swallowed back the tears that threatened, my father’s strength was my strength, and it had carried me through so much. I could only imagine how difficult the prospect of “giving his daughter away” must have been for him.

“There won’t ever be anyone else, he’s the only one for me.” I took a deep breath, and gazed at him, the first man that ever loved me. “I love you so much, Daddy. I’m so glad you’re here with me today. I doubt I’d make it down that aisle without you holding me up!” I let my fingers brush the softness of his beard as I wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him as tightly as I could. Before he could utter another word, the car came to a stop, and there was the church, right in front of me. Gallant gentleman that he was, he stepped down from the car first. I had warned Ed the night before that he was to stay in his designated space inside the church once he got there, no sneaking any peeks, and he’d promised to behave. Two strong hands suddenly grasped mine and helped me step out of the car and onto the walkway. The second car pulled up behind ours and my mother, sister, and bridesmaids were suddenly all around me, escorting me into the church. The bridal room was ready for us, and the flowers had been delivered, much to my relief. We had chosen simple garlands and bunches of wildflowers and daisies for most of our décor, accented by clusters of soft pink roses, to go with the English countryside/garden motif, and I’d wanted to keep the bouquets to the same theme. My lovely girls carried small, simple bouquets of gorgeous, brightly hued wildflowers, and I had chosen a simple bouquet of creamy roses, accented by wildflowers in softer, pastel hues. Boutonnieres had already been distributed, and I watched as my father pinned the corsage he’d chosen onto my mother’s dress, and then kissed her cheek. They loved each other so much, I hoped one day Ed and I would still be that in love when our children were grown.

We touched up our makeup, checked our earrings, and brushed our teeth within an inch of our lives. A visit to the ladies room also became a necessity, and all I can say is thank heavens for helpful bridesmaids! A knock on the door suddenly caught all of our attention, and a smiling, eye-twinkling face poked through. I grinned, seeing Murray, Ed’s cousin, so full of happiness and energy, but then he always was. “I’m told to tell you he’s ready and waiting, love! Church is full and he wants to get married!”

I smiled at him and said “We’ve just got to pin the veil on and we’re ready! Less than 10 minutes, I promise!” I went to shoo him from the room, and a thought suddenly occurs that made me pause and call him back. “Murray, WAIT. You or John or Matt or SOMEONE, make sure he’s done his tie straight! He can’t get it right to save his life!”

“On it!” he says authoritatively, dashing from the room in his usual comic way, causing everyone, including me, to fall to pieces laughing. I shook my head and took a deep breath, all of a sudden feeling the rollercoaster sensation in my stomach again. He was waiting for me, and all I had to do was make it down that aisle.

“Alright girls, veil me!” I commanded with a smile, wanting to get to those doors and see those clear blue eyes gaze back at me. The veil itself had been very carefully cleaned and steamed so that there was not a wrinkle in sight, and it was hanging in a clear garment bag, ready to be placed on my head. I watched my mom unzip the bag and gently pull it from the hanger, laying it over her arm so that it wouldn’t catch or wrinkle. I faced the door so that I wouldn’t have to turn around too much once it was in place. I felt my mom’s gentle hand smooth my hair and position my head, and then I closed my eyes and she slid the comb into the hair that was teased at the top of my head. My sister and my 3 bridesmaids gently fluffed the long length of tulle, arranging the material so that it flowed smoothly over my shoulders, cascading down to my train. I could feel the gossamer light material brush against my bare arms, and my fingers found the lace edging, tracing the lines of the scalloping and the tiny pearl accents that dotted the lacy pattern. Having this piece of my grandmother literally surround me on my wedding day…it was everything to me. I turned to the side, loving the feeling of the veil flowing down my body. Catching sight of my reflection in the mirror, I abruptly froze in place, taking in the sight of myself as a bride. I could barely believe it was me…my dress fit me beautifully, my hair was sleek and beautiful, my face flawless. My jewellery caught the light, and my grandmother’s stunning veil….it took my breath away. I just hoped Ed would feel the same way.

“If he doesn’t cry…I sure as hell will.” I heard my father’s gruff voice in my ear as he took his place beside me, his eyes staring at the same reflection mine were. “You ready to get married, sweetheart?” I squared my shoulders and exhaled, as a grin spread across my face. “Let’s do it, Daddy” I said, the butterflies gone and my heart ready. I squeezed his hand and nodded at him. My three sweet bridesmaids left the room first, followed my mother and best friend. It was just my daddy and I, and he gently scooped up my veil and helped me carefully walk down the hallway to the vestibule around the corner from the big doors that led into the church. The pastor who would be performing our ceremony, a sweet older gentleman whom we affectionately called Father Patrick, was waiting for us. He offered kind words of encouragement and instructed us to wait for the cues in the music before we began our walk down the aisle. With a final smile and a wink, he headed through the doors to take his place at the front of the church, his bible tucked into the crook of his arm. Matthew would be waiting at the front of the church with Ed, as his best man, but Stuart, Murray, and Jovel would walk down the aisle, accompanying my girls.

I heard the soft strains of the piano and violin begin to play, and steeled myself, trying to keep my composure. Matthew had already escorted my mother to her seat before the music began, so it was just us, and it was time. The moment was finally here. He was waiting for me. Stu, Jovel, and Murray all kissed my cheek and squeezed my hand with encouraging smiles before offering my ladies their elbows, and lining up in the proper order. Ed’s little goddaughter was our flower girl and my little nephew was our ring bearer, and we’d see if they made it down the aisle together. They looked completely adorable in their matching white dress and cream suit. The doors were pulled open, and one by one, my girls made their way down the aisle with their dashing escorts, to take their places at the front, followed by the little ones, who were so excited they fairly tore down that aisle, forgetting even to spread the flower petals from the basket. They were so sweet, I truly didn’t even care. Then, it was time. The music faded out for a moment, and that was our cue. I felt such affection as I watched my father fluff and straighten my veil, and brush a strand of hair from my eyes. He kissed my forehead and lifted his arm up, tucking my arm through his, holding me tightly.

I hadn’t allowed myself to look to the front of the church, I didn’t trust myself to keep it together, but I couldn’t wait any longer. I had to and he was there, my beautiful Teddy. He wasn’t facing me, not yet. He’d wait for the cue from the pastor to turn around, but oh….the way the lights caught the fire of his hair, the soft curls like spun gold. The lines of his broad shoulders, and the way his tux jacket hugged him, oh my…. I could see his foot jiggling nervously, and then his hand reached out to touch Matthew’s shoulder as they exchanged a grin. His head lifted suddenly, looking up to the ceiling and I could see him taking a deep breath, trying to prepare himself. I could feel that strong, familiar hand holding me steady, and squeezing my hand, as the notes of Pachelbel’s Canon (Didn’t I say I was a traditionalist?) filled the church. I lifted my head, smiled at my Daddy, and took the first step.

I held it together until I looked in his eyes. I could see Father Patrick with a broad smile on his face, gesture to Ed that it was time. That I was ready. His shoulders lifted, and with knowing smiles from him groomsmen, he turned around. It was as if everyone else disappeared, the music faded, time slowed and my heart felt as though it was going to thrum right out of my chest. His eyes widened, his mouth parted, and the wonder and joy in his eyes…it would stay with me every day for the rest of my life. His hands were clasped in front of him, and it looked as though he’d forgotten how to breathe, but he never took his eyes off me. My eyes found his, those clear blue eyes that could see into my soul, and the love that fairly shone out of them, I couldn’t get to him fast enough. The grin that spread across his face, it spoke of pride and love and pure joy, and it was like pure sunlight shining over me. I took slow, shaky breaths, reminding myself to breath as I slowly made my way down that aisle. I couldn’t see a single face in that church, besides Ed’s, and I could feel the tears as they spilled down my cheeks. He was everything. After what seemed like an eternity, we reached the front, and Ed stepped forward. I looked in to my father’s eyes, and lifted my face for a kiss. His fingers brushed my face, wiping the tears away before he kissed my cheek one last time. Ed reached his hand out to grasp my dad’s, and in return, my dad raised his eyebrow in jest, and wrapped his arms around him in a big hug. A smile lit both their faces, and it meant the world to me to see the love and affection between the two most important men in my life. My dad stepped back, and we all faced the pastor, waiting for the words that would finally allow me to join my soon-to-be hubby. He asked the traditional question, who gives this woman to this man, and when my father responded: Her mother and I do, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of Ed. He was standing proudly, his chest puffed out with his hands at his sides, but they were restless, like he just couldn’t wait any longer. My dad lifted my hand and with a twinkle in his eye, finally, placed my hand in Ed’s.

His hands, they were so soft, so warm, and so strong. They cradled my fingers, while the pad of his thumb skimmed gently over my knuckles, in such a gentle, tender way. I squeezed his hands, and we both just gazed at each other, our eyes locked, and the most ridiculous of smiles on our faces. There was such joy coursing through me, I could barely contain it. I squeezed his hands and bit my lip, ready to marry this man. He shook his head slightly, almost as if in disbelief, and when he mouthed “So beautiful…” the look in his eyes was almost reverent. Our ceremony was to be traditional and spiritual, and so we bowed our heads and spoke our prayers, and both of our mothers read beautiful passages from the bible. We sang a beautiful hymn in honour of my grandmother, and Ed’s Granddad, who were no longer with us, and knelt down to be blessed. The pastor invited everyone to sit, and motioned for us to stand and face each other. His hands found mine, and my fingers slid around his, holding on as tightly as I could. We’d contemplated writing our own vows, but ultimately had decided those sentiments would be ours to keep private, and to stick with the traditional vows in church. The only thing we both agreed we didn’t care for was the “till death do us part”, and so we chose to change it to “for the rest of our lives”. I spoke my vows first, my heart beating out of my chest, repeating the age-old words that Father Patrick murmured to help us along:

I, Emily Grace, take you, Edward Christopher, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish for the rest of our lives, according to God’s holy law. This is my solemn vow.

As I finished speaking, I saw Ed swallow hard, the emotion on his face threatening to spill over. I couldn’t help myself as I gently reached up with my hand to caress his face, mouthing the words “Forever…” so only he could see. His face split into that brilliant smile, and his lips formed the words that always followed, “…and ever…” He adjusted his stance as if to steady himself and gripped my hands tight as began his vows. “I, Edward Christopher, take you, Emily Grace…”

Every word he spoke was fervent, passionate, and clear as a bell, there was not a shake or stammer to voice, not one trace of nerves. We never broke eye contact, his clear sea-blue eyes fixed on mine with such devotion my tummy danced. I could lose myself in those eyes every time I looked in them. When the last word left his mouth, he exhaled, and lifted my hand to his mouth, brushing his lips across my knuckles, his eyes crinkling as the biggest smile spread across his face. I tried so hard to pay attention to the pastor’s words, but looking into Ed’s eyes, holding his hands, the smell of his cologne wafting over me, I was just lost in him. Father Patrick began to read the passage that would have us exchange our rings, and suddenly, I saw Ed’s little goddaughter running up to us, waving the ring pillow frantically with a grin on her face. My heart just melted as Ed knelt down to meet her, kissing her cheek as he palmed our rings. She threw her arms around his neck with a squeal and he squeezed her right back, a gigantic grin on his face as he lifted her right up into the air in a bear hug before he put her back down. She skipped off to find her mum, and the chorus of Awwww’s that echoed through the church definitely included every of us standing at the altar. Her dad, Jovel, was beaming and trying not to fall to pieces laughing, and even Stu had a grin on his face. It was a perfect moment. Oh my Teddy, he was going to be the most amazing Daddy one day.

His hands found mine again, and we bowed our heads as a prayer was spoken over the rings. Father Patrick placed Ed’s ring in my hand, and asked me to repeat after him:

Edward, I give you this ring

as a symbol of my vow. With all that I am and all that I have

I honour you, in the name of God.

I let my fingers quickly brush across his knuckles as I repeated these words, and I couldn’t help but bounce lightly on my toes and lift my shoulders in excitement as I slid that simple gold band onto his finger. I looked up at him, and grinned, and the look on his face as gazed down at his finger. It was just so adorable, like he couldn’t quite believe it to be true. Ed was handed my ring, and he gently slid his hand underneath mine and lifted my hand to his lips, kissing it softly before repeating those same traditional words to me; “Emily, I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow…” I’d chosen a simple, delicate gold band that matched Ed’s, and we both let out deep, shaky breaths as he finally slid it onto my finger; It sparkled in the light, and I loved how it nestled perfectly against my grandmother’s ring. Neither of us could control the smiles on our faces as we clasped our newly ringed hands, and it took every ounce of control I had not to grab his face and kiss him right then and there. The pastor lifted his hands and recited a beautiful blessing over us and our marriage, and then together with our family and friends, we spoke The Lord’s Prayer. His face beaming, Father Patrick had us join our right hands, and then raised his hands, uttering the words we’d been waiting over a year to finally hear.

Edward and Emily have joined themselves to each other by solemn vows,

signified by the joining of hands and the giving and receiving of a ring.

I declare, in the name of God, that they are husband and wife.

Those whom God has joined together let no one put asunder.

I thought Ed’s face would split in half his smile was so big, his eyes were dancing, and he literally was bouncing on his feet waiting for the signal that he could finally, finally kiss me. I kept pressing my lips together while I squeezed his hands so tightly, wanting to wrap my arms around him and never, ever let him go. I was trembling and giddy and impatient, and I truly thought I might actually burst if I couldn’t kiss my husband right that very minute. I fully expected the traditional words from the church ceremony when Father Patrick opened his mouth, but his eyes had an extra twinkle when he turned to Ed and proclaimed “Lad, what are you waiting for??”

Before I could even breathe, his lips were on mine, a kiss so full of love and promise and adoration, and he was everything and that kiss was the only thing in my world. I cupped his cheeks with my hands, kissing him back with more fervour and promise than I could ever have thought possible, loving how his lips were just made for mine. I could feel his arms lift me up under bum, and I squealed and locked my arms around his neck as he spun me around and kissed me again, like he just couldn’t get enough. My eyes filled with happy tears at his jubilant expression. I suddenly was aware of everyone in the church clapping and cheering and hollering for us, and I couldn’t stop laughing as Ed set me back on my feet, and grabbed my hand, lifting it in the air with what I can only describe as a triumphant expression on his face. He was my husband, I was his WIFE, I couldn’t believe it, and we were married. He was irrevocably mine and I was NEVER going to let him go, ever. He laced his fingers through mine and led me up to the altar, followed by my sister and Matthew, where we officially signed our wedding register, and posed for some photos. The exuberance that was positively radiating from his face was incredible, it lit his face up like an angel, and I couldn’t stop looking at him. As Matthew finished signing his name on the register, I felt a soft, fuzzy cheek press against mine, and his warm breath tickle my ear as I heard him whisper softly so no one else could hear. “Love you forever and ever, Wife…” He pulled my hand to his mouth and kissed my fingertips softly, without taking his eyes off me. We finished with the signing, and Ed helped lead back to the steps at the altar, where we faced towards our friends and family, hands and hearts intertwined, ready to be introduced as a married couple. Father Patrick ended our ceremony with a beautiful blessing and the sign of the cross, before he raised his arms once more and announced with great enthusiasm and gusto;

“I’m proud and pleased to introduce to you to the new Mr. and Mrs. Edward Sheeran!”

Cheers, applause and roars of excitement filled the church as everyone jumped to their feet, and I took that perfect opportunity to sneak one more kiss with my new husband before we headed back down that aisle. It was a sweet, perfect kiss, and I loved that even with my eyes closed I could tell he was grinning as big as I was. The processional music swelled, and I pulled back, ready to walk down the steps and back up the aisle, this time as husband and wife. I noticed the look on Ed’s face before I even had a chance to move, and before I could guess what he was up to (I KNEW that face!), he’d swept me up in his arms and was down those steps! I threw my head back and wrapped one arm around his neck, while I lifted my bouquet in the air with the other, waving it in celebration! I kicked my legs up, waving to everyone while I shook with giggles. What better way to start our journey, then in the strong, sexy arms of my husband?

Once we made it to the back of church, we were supposed to head outside to greet our guests and take pictures, but all I wanted was just 5 minutes alone with my new husband. I looked down the hall, and looked at Ed with a grin, pointing to the door of the bridal suite I’d left behind not so long ago. “Just for a minute…” I whispered in his ear, biting my lip. “I want my Teddy all for myself, just for a moment…” He dropped a kiss on my lips and nodded enthusiastically. “Hell yes!” He murmured with a grin, setting me down on my feet, and then gripping my hand and fairly yanking me down the hall into that room, slamming the door behind us. It just the two of us, no one else, and I wanted to just absorb every bit of my handsome, sexy, adorable new husband before I had to share him with the world.

“Jesus…” he murmured, wrapping his arms around my waist. “Em, you’re so goddamn beautiful. And you are ALL mine forever. And ever. And…” His words faded out as his hands found my hair and his lips caught mine, softly at first as we savoured our first embrace alone as husband and wife. I locked my arms around his neck, pulling him close and loving the sensation of the tickly hairs of his beard against my jaw. He tasted so good and his lips were so soft, and the kiss deepened as I tried, somehow, to absorb every bit him. His hands traced their way up my body, his fingertips leaving fiery tingles in their wake, from my hips to my waist to the curve of my jaw, as his hands finally found my face. His kisses, lingering, deep kisses so full of passion and promise, they stole my breath and lit me on fire. My hands wound their way into his hair, those silky soft curls at his neck begging to be tugged. His tongue begged access to my mouth and oh, God, any self-control I had was slipping at the fervour and intensity of his lips, his tongue tasting every bit of me and me trying to taste every bit of him. I felt his hands leave my face and his fingers trail back down my body, down my arm, along the curve of my hip and then his hands were gently cupping my ass as he pulled the length of my body as tightly against his as possible, leaving not the smallest space between our bodies. It was the sudden feeling of his hardening length against my leg that suddenly jolted me back to reality, reminding me that as badly as my body wanted me to hike my skirt up and consummate our marriage right then and there, we couldn’t, not in church, not with our families and friends waiting outside the door. Tonight would be the one of most incredible nights of our lives, I could wait for just a bit longer.

“Teddy…” I gasped, breaking away from his kiss with a giggle. I dropped a kiss on his nose. “”We have to behave. There’s about 100 people waiting on us out there and I don’t think a catholic church is the place for us to be….well…”

Ed’s face was flushed, but he was giggling too as he straightened up and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “Just got a bit carried away with my wife, didn’t I?” he said with a grin on his face. “Guess I can behave for a while longer if I have to…” I bit my lip and tried not to giggle as I noticed him adjusting his pants while he took a deep breath, trying to, um, calm himself down before we faced the masses. I smoothed out my dress, checked my hair and touched up my lipstick, making sure that I did not, in fact, look like I just came out of heated make out session.

“Shall we go, Husband?” I said teasingly, lacing my fingers through his as I pulled him through the door. “I am ready to be adored, worshipped and praised by the crowds!” As we set off down the hall, I felt his soft breath in my ear, and it sent prickles of electricity through my body as his lips caught the soft skin under my jaw.

His voice was low, teasing, as he murmured softly so only I could hear, “Don’t think I’ve forgotten what you’re wearing under that dress, Love. You will be worshipped and adored. All. Night. Long….”

To Be Continued.... Xox

*MASTERLIST HERE*

#Ed Sheeran #Ed Sheeran fanfic #Ed sheeran fanfiction #ed sheeran love story #Code Ginger #Teddy Sheeran fanfiction #Teddy Sheeran fic #Ed sheeran fic #Ed and Emily #Teddy Sheeran

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moodyblueangel · 7 years

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Broadchurch - Season 3

I’m working abut 60 hours less this week than I usually do, so that's given me the opportunity to finally splurge out all the Broadchuch questions I have for the finale on Monday.

I loved the first season. I loved the second season too and will never understand the criticism for it. I'm distraught that this is the last season and still don't understand why that's the case.

So with that in mind, I've nailed it down to seven questions that the show needs to answer in one 45 minute final episode. Yikes...

1) Who Did It?

Perhaps the most important question of the season. We've been there with Trish since she reported her attack and the show has delicately, sensitively and honestly dealt with the procedural and emotional repercussions of that brave act. At a time when we are littered with the negative ways that women who have been survivors of sexual crime are perceived and treated by the law, by the media and by society, it has been refreshing to have something high profile, such as a successful drama show, combat this issue head on.

It may feel that the town of Broadchurch and it's surrounding areas is a little over the top in having so many men be in the frame and considered potentially capable of doing such a heinous crime. However, each is very different in the way they are culpable. Some are multiple adulterers and treat their spouses and the women they sleep with as possessions that can be used and thrown away at choice. Some are seemingly nice guys, but feel that they can obsess over women, stalk them, photograph them without their consent. Some think it's okay to view women as sexualized objects as long as it's through a screen. Others just simply doubt a woman who has been viciously attacked. This isn't Broadchurch being over the top, it's just simply portraying the ubiquitous misogyny that we have to deal with every day. Only one (or maybe two!) of those men are guilty of the crime, but that doesn't mean they aren't all guilty.

By about episode 6 of series one I was absolutely sure I knew who the murderer was and I turned out to be right. This season I do not have a clue. I have no main suspect. The list of suspects actually increased the further the series has gone on rather than decreased. Now, I love me some Hardy and Miller, but on this investigation they've gained victims and suspects! However, they are both super cute, so I'll forgive *pats silly detectives on the head*.

So the main suspects are; Ian the creepy ex husband, Jim the philandering husband, Lucas the weird trinket collecting cab driver, Horrible Histories Rapist, Leo the Twine Boy and Ed the stalker.

Frankly, it could be any of those, they've all been highly under suspicion , questioned and investigated. Plus, they are a pack of creepy creepersons. Taking that into consideration, if one of those men were involved, it won't just be him that's guilty. There will be a twist somewhere. Maybe it was more than one. We know there were two other victims at least over the last few years, perhaps and most terrifyingly, it was a different man for each attack.

So that leads us on to the outsiders. The men who haven't been specifically under the spotlight.

Michael - Evil cab driver's stepson. He's got the face of someone who is guilty about something. Perhaps it's just because of the porn on his phone and computer, but dollars to donuts he's hiding something else. Maybe the bright light that Trish saw during her attack was from his phone? If Lucas Snr is involved then it's looking likely that his stepson knows more than we think.

Tom Miller - The reason the season one reveal was so spectacular and effective was because it was the option that would have the most effect on Ellie. She is the heart of the show and we follow her emotions and feelings. If Tom was involved in any way imaginable, that reveal would have the same kick in the stomach as Joe's did in the first series.

The housekeeper/Owner - He either knows more than he's letting on or is involved somehow

Paul the Vicar - There's always been a slight edge to the reverend, something less than holy. He's been very much on the outskirts of everything throughout the three seasons. Could he be involved? If he is, then it'll probably take more than an hour to explain it!

The caterer - We saw him briefly during the flashback to Cath's party and was briefly questioned by Hary and Miller. He was at the location all night. However, I can't remember his name. He's not a significant character. Would it be disappointing reveal if it was him?

Nige - It's curious that they've brought Nige back, but we've only seen him briefly. What was that about? Was it just for the hit of nostalgia, or is there more to it? Susan said that she was worried that he would turn into his father's son. Maybe he has.

SOCO Brian- Yeah, I'm considering everyone. It's a long shot and there's probably been too many DNA trails for it to be someone in the business.

2) Who does the house belong to?

A few episodes back now, Hardy and Miller mentioned how Trish's attack would have been visible from the house in the grounds, or a light that Trish saw could have been directed from there. However, as of yet, they could not find the owner of the property. It still hasn't been revealed. Is this important? Is it something else that's going to be revealed? Or was it just a red herring?

3) Who does the blue twine belong to?

Twine Boy obviously knows more than he's letting on. I don't think either Miller or myself were fooled by his sob story in the least episode. That being said, it's a seaside town, blue twine is hanging about all over the place. It really could be anyone.

4) What's going to happen to the Latimers?

I liked how the series reiterated how the grief of a family doesn't just suddenly go away, that it's on going and closure and moving on is a continuing battle. I also loved the actors involved in this family. They are brilliant at whatever they're given. However, for the most part their inclusion has seemed jarring sometimes with the on going story. There was just so much to explore with both stories, both seemed a little rushed at times. Their story has linked well to parenthood theme that's run through the season, though. Either way, there's only 45 minutes left of the whole series and they seem to be in a more confusing place now than at the start of the season. Enough time to give them a decent ending?

5) Will Daisy leave?

Hardy ripped up her train ticket and did the best rant ever on television at the teenage boys. However, I'm not sure that's going to take away Daisy's dislike of Broadchurch. We still haven't found out what exactly happened at her mum's to provoke her move to the town with Hardy either.

6) Have we seen the last of Joe?

There were some wonderful scenes in Liverpool with Mark, but the whole Joe storyline still seems a little unfinished. I know they all drove him out of town with the promise that they would kill him if he returned, but can we really leave the series knowing he's literally got away with murder? That's not even the most fearful part about it. He's out there free to groom any young boy that he may find. We've got no reason to believe he won't do what he did to Danny to another child. Also, how do we know he won't try to contact his children? Legally, he has a right to them. Unless any new evidence comes up, the law is on his side, not Ellie's in respect to how close he can come to his kids or the town.

7) How will we leave Hardy and Miller?

The most important part of the finale, for me anyway. I love these characters, they are the spine of the whole show and have knocked everything they've been given this season out the park. I could literally watch them just interview the vile men of Broadchurch for hour after hour. My favourite thing in life is now Olivia Colman's 'done with mankind' withering looks. However, I feel that these two characters have taken a sort of back seat to the case and the Latimers, this season. Particularly Ellie. It sort of feels very similar to the first season for her character. On the surface everything is almost tickity boo, but there are hints and clues all along that things are going to impload for her in the finale again.

I know we've seen how Ellie had a little struggle with Tom and porn on his phone, but so far it hasn't implicitly been suggested that it's anything more than stupid teenage boy behaviour. We know her mum died recently, but it was only briefly mentioned. We haven't seen any huge evidence of the obvious grief that event must have triggered. We know she's back as a D.S now, but we haven't really seen how she managed to work her way back into the job. We know she hasn't been sleeping and is having nightmares, but again, we don't know if this is just because of the case or if this has been a long term thing. We know she obviously doesn't see or hear from Joe, but we don't know if she's divorced, whether she did the same as Mark and found out where he is so she can keep an eye on his whereabouts.

The same can be sort of said for Hardy as well. We don't know really know why he decided to come back to Broadchurch, Daisey in tow. We don't know how his health is. We know he doesn't sleep either, but we don't know why. We don't know how he managed to get his old job back (surely they must have had a DI in his place for 2 years?). We know he has a fondness for Broadchurch now, he's expressed that much, but we still don't know any more. I'm assuming that the Sandbrook case didn't completely fall apart at he court case, like Danny's murder trial did. A little reference to that would have been nice.

Anyway, it's Ellie really who, for me at least, as a viewer I live and breathe with (but I love Hardy too). How are we supposed to wrap up their stories in just 45 minutes, along with all the other questions needing answers? I don't want to leave forever not knowing why they aren't sleeping, or if Joe will try and see his kids, or if Alec will stay in Broadchurch even if Daisy leaves.

I still can't believe we're leaving these two characters and never coming back to them. It feels like we've only just got them. I'm not done with them yet. I know they've said this is definitely the last season, but that just seems so final and definite. I know David Tennant and Olivia Colman are hugely in demand and Chris Chibnall in off to play in Who land, but surely a little Christmas special here and there wouldn't hurt anyone? Or possibly a spin off away from Broadchurch, with just those two characters?

I just don't want to leave them yet. And I don't want to leave them without knowing they'll be okay.

#broadchurch #season 3 #Miller #hardy #finale #david tennant #olivia colman #I can't believe it's the last episode

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thegfiles · 7 years

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It by Stephen King

Stephen King's It is about the essence and personafication of evil in the form of whatever scares you the most -- this It prefers to take the shape of a clown and calls Itself either Pennywise the Dancing Clown or Robert "Bob" Gray. This entity was here long before people were in existance anywhere. In the 1950s a group of children, six boys and one girl, came to know and understand this entity for what It was as much as any human being can and set out to destroy It. They thought they were successful...but then It came back. And, in the 1980s they found themselves right back in their hometown of Derry, Maine where they had to battle this monstrosity again.

(Major spoilers below the cut, including character deaths. I also add a lot of speculation, conjecture, and heavily add my own opinions and this does absolutely involve criticism. Stephen King is my favorite author, It is one of my favorite books, but this review is detailed and lengthy and doesn’t skimp on criticism just because of that and it probably will upset some people.)

In this book, more than any other by him that I've read, he flirts with the subject of homosexuality. This was actually a theme that went throughout the book both in negative and positive ways. In the very beginning of the book one of the first new murder victims was a gay man who was in a loving and committed relationship with another man. The relationship seemed quite healthy and not at all abnormal. Many of the characters throughout in the 50s were worried about homosexuals, especially being accidentally mistaken for one, so he definitely touches on the prejudice, using anti-gay explitives quite often. There was also an odd bond between the characters Richie Tozier and Eddie Kaspbrak.

In the beginning of the book there are two gay characters, one of which becomes a victim of a violent hate crime and then of It as well. I like the way that King describes their struggle just to fit in and have a normal life. I like the way that these two were pretty much opposite in the way that they saw the world. One was a perpetual optimist (he died), and the other was more of a realist (he survived). I liked how prejudice was displayed, in its nitty gritty, rude and vile true colors. There was nothing sympathetic about it, there was nothing right about it. There was no, "well you know, if the gay guy had just...walked away..." scapegoating. It showed pack mentality at its worst. And, above all, King did a great job of describing just how much the two men had loved each other and had meant to one another and that their love was genuine and real. Just as real as any heterosexual relationship. And he did all of this without even making them main characters, or having them last in the book aside from later references past the first few chapters. That's fucking talent (too bad he couldn't apply that talent to adding a few strong women).

Excerpt from Part 1, chapter 2, page 26:

That summer, Haggarty told Harold Gardener and Jeff Reeves, was the happiest summer of his life--he shuld have been on the lookout, he said; he should have known that God only puts a rug under guys like him in order to jerk it out from under their feet.

Excerpt from Part 1, chapter 2, page 28:

Another match revealed STICK NAILS IN EYES OF ALL FAGOTS (FOR GOD)! "Whoever writes these little homilies has got a case of the deep-down crazies. I'd feel better if I thought it was just one person, one isolated sickie, but..." Don swept his arm vaguely down the length of the Kissing Bridge. "There's a lot of this stuff...and I just don't think one person did it all. That's why I want to leave Derry, Ade. Too many places and too many people seem to have the deep-down crazies." "Well, wait until I finish my novel, okay? Please? October, I promise, no later. The air's better here." "He didn't know it was the water he was going to have to watch out for," Don Haggarty said bitterly.

In the end, when Eddie dies and after they've finally defeated It, Richie tries to carry Eddie out, aided at first by Ben. This part is set in the 1980s when they are adults. This takes place deep under the ground of Derry, Maine. In the sewer systems. That is where It's lair is and always has been. So, that's where they had to go the first time and the last time (this time) to battle it. But, they've already got Bill's wife Audra to get out of the sewers where It had mind-fucked someone into bringing her as a way of weakening the group's leader, and she happens to be catatonic (literally). They were already two members short. One of the members, upon finding out It was back, committed suicide to avoid having to come back to Derry and battle It again. Another was injured by another mind-fucked human and had to go to the hospital and was still recovering and had been unable to make it. Now Eddie's dead, and two of the remaining men had to carry a woman who was still alive but in a coma of some sort due to having seen the true version of It (this is all really complicated to explain, so forgive me if its confusing) called the Dead Lights. Somehow this is both where It truly resides and also the true form of It. Don't ask me how, it just is.

That leaves Bill and Ben to carry the still-alive woman (because Bill is not all there right now, anyway), and Richie to carry Eddie all alone through the complicated sewer system. Why Beverly couldn't help him, I don't know. She was just useless throughout this part as she was throughout the rest of it, really. So, once they got just outside of the lair, they do something that I found horrible. They told Richie...to just put Eddie down and leave him there. In the dark and the cold. Among the stagnant sewer water and the bones and half-rotted corpses of past victims.

Excerpt from Part 5, chapter 23, page 1054:

"Put him down," Beverly said. "He can stay here." "It's too dark," Richie sobbed. "You know..it's too dark. Eds...he..." "No, it's okay," Ben said. "Maybe this is where he's supposed to be. I think maybe it is." They put him down, and Richie kissed Eddie's cheek. Then he looked blindly up at Ben. "You sure?" "Yeah. Come on, Richie." Richie got up and turned toward the door. "Fuck you, Bitch!" he cried suddenly, and kicked the door shut with his foot. It made a solid chukking sound as it closed and latched. "Why'd you do that?" Beverly asked. "I don't know," Richie said, but he knew well enough. He looked back over his shoulder just as the match Beverly was holding went out.

Richie, at first, refuses. But, they convince him. That, and the fact that he probably couldn't carry him out on his own anyway, I think. And, someone opens their mouth and opines that this is probably where Eddie was meant to be anyway (but, ladies, this is bullshit. If you have read this book, you know how Eddie was, and you know that is the VERY FUCKING LAST place he'd want to be left under ANY circumstances. Especially since he pretty much saved their fucking lives and that's why he was dead).

Excerpt from Part 5, chapter 22, page 1023:

The Spider's head turned toward the sound, Its eyes momentarily leaving Richie's. "Here!" Eddie howled in his fading voice. "Here, have some of this!" He leaped at It, triggering the aspirator at the same time, and for an instant all his childhood belief in the medicine came back to him, the childhood medicine that could solve everything, that could make him feel better when the bigger boys roughed him up or when he was knocked over in the rush to get through the doors when school let out or when he had to sit on the edge of the Tracker Brothers' vacant lot, out of the game because his mother wouldn't allow him to play baseball. It was good, strong medicine, and as he leaped into the Spider's face, smelling Its foul yellow stench, feeling himself overwhelmed by Its single-minded fury and determination to wipe them all out, he triggered the aspirator into one of Its ruby eyes.

He felt-heared Its scream--no rage this time, only pain, a horrid screaming agony. He saw the mist of droplets turn white where they landed, saw them sink in as a splash of carbolic acid would sink in; he saw Its huge eye begin to flatten out like a bloody egg-yolk and run in a ghastly stream of living blood and ichor and maggoty pus. "Come home now, Bill!" he screamed with the last of his voice, and then he struck It, he felt Its noisome heat baking into him; he felt a terrible wet warmth and realized that his good arm had slipped into the Spider's mouth.

He triggered the aspirator again, shooting the stuff right down Its throat this time, right down Its rotten evil stinking gullet, and there was sudden, flashing pain, as clean as the drop of a heavy knife, as Its jaws closed and ripped his arm off at the shoulder.

Excerpt from Part 5, chapter 22, page 1024:

He looked up at Beverly and saw she was crying, the tears coursing down her dirty cheeks as she got an arm under him; he became aware that she had taken off her blouse and was trying to staunch the flow of blood, and that she was screaming for help. Then he looked at Richie and licked his lips. Fading, fading back. Becoming clearer and clearer, emptying out, all of the impurities flowing out of him so he could become clear, so that the light could flow through, and if he had had time enough he could have preached on this, he could have sermonized: Not bad, he would begin. This is not bad at all. But there was something else he had to say first. "Richie," he whispered. "What?" Richie was down on his hands and knees, staring at him desperately." "Don't call me Eds," he said, and smiled. He raised his left hand slowly and touched Richie's cheek. Richie was crying. "You know I...I..." Eddie closed his eyes, thinking of how to finish, and while he was still thinking it over he died.

So, what's that got to do with homosexuality? Well, not a lot. But, it sets things up for what a lot of readers kind of figured in the first place. It sets things up to show that Richie probably cared about Eddie more than he let on. He was the only one who, after setting him down, not only cried...but kissed Eddie. On the cheek, yeah, but it was a kiss.

In this book there is only one female character as one of the 8 main characters. Beverly Marsh was really not all that important to the plot or anything else. She was there sometimes as a love interest, where all the boys in the Lucky 7 individually seemed to have some sort of crush on her (with, perhaps, the exception of Mike Hanlon -- the only black child of the bunch). Its important to note that this book jumps between the 50s and the 80s for its time period. The 50s weren't really that awesome as far as how women were viewed, but still. There's no excuse for some of the nonsense that is in this book.

The book and the movie are drastically different, and I'm speaking strictly about the book here. Beverly Marsh for most of the book has a thing for Bill Denbrough, the leader of their group. And he's got a thing for her. But, she's also sort of interested in Ben Hanscome. And he's REALLY gaga for her. And Richie Tozier sort of likes her, too. And she was showing interest in him at first as well (before she met Bill).

And, you know, at that point they're still really young kids and its okay, because they've never really experienced feelings like that before and its mostly just crushes and puppy love and nothing serious. Beverly also comes from a poor family, on the "wrong" side of town. Her father is a janitor at both the school she goes to and also the Derry Home Hospital, her mother is a waitress and they live in a not-so-impressive-looking apartment building. Her mother is hardly around, and her father is violent and has an obsession with the idea that if she has anything to do with boys at all she'll have sex with them and that that is BAD. And its implied that he might have sexual thoughts about her, though its never actually made much of or actually confirmed. Its just one of those undertones you get from Al Marsh. And her mother apparently is worried about that, because she asked Beverly at one point right out if her father had ever "touched" her.

Excerpt from Part 2, page 386, chapter 9:

Her mother looked back at her, her lips pressed together so tightly they almost weren't there. "You sure your dad wasn't angry with you last night?" "No!" "Bevvie, does he ever touch you?" "What?" Beverly looked at her mother, totally perplexed. God, her father touched her every day. "I don't get what you--" "Never mind," Elfrida said shortly. "Don't forget the trash. And if those windows are streaked, you won't need your father to give you the blue devil."

Al Marsh is a very strange man. This worry from her mother is not entirely unfounded. There are several incidences in the book where his actions towards his daughter are just plain odd. Sometimes, its a little more vague and when she isn't around, but it's easily noticed.

Excerpt from Part 2, page 379, chapter 9:

He did not drink, he did not smoke, he did not chase after women. I got all the women I need at home, he said on occasion, and when said it a peculiar secretive smile would cross his face--it not brighten it but did quite the opposite. Watching that smile was like watching the shadow of a cloud travel rapidly across a rocky field. They take care of me, and when they need it, I take care of them.

Excerpt from Part 2, page 869, chapter 19:

All the times he had scared her; all the times he had shamed her; all the times he had hurt her. "You just let me alone!" "Don't talk to your daddy like that," he said, sounding startled. "I didn't do what you're saying! I never did!" "Maybe. Maybe not. I'm going to check and make sure. I know how. Take your pants off."

This is often a pattern I see with women in King's books. Most characters have currently or have had in the past a violent parent, usually a father. If its a girl, she's usually had some sort of sexual abuse or the fear was there, even if in the back of her mind, that she might be molested by her father at some point. Even if she never gives voice to it in those words.

Another bit of beef I have to take up with King in this book involving Beverly is just how useless she was. I only really ever saw her do anything actually useful once. And that was when they fought It the first time as a whole group. They did so on 29 Neibolt Street in their town of Derry. It was a run-down area that was largely abandoned. That house was also abandoned. She was the one that saved their asses that day. Sort of. Mostly. By shooting it with a silver slug they'd melted and made out of silver dollars (this process was described in great detail within the book and it was quite fascinating) while it was in the form of a werewolf. They only had two and she wasted one on nothing when she was startled by something in a cupboard...But, if she hadn't done what she did at that point, and then faked the monster out (with generous help from the boys on that faking out part) to make It think she had a third slug when she did not, they'd have all died in that house.

But, other than that, she did nothing useful whatsoever, except scream, and run around, and get chased by It, by school bullies, and by her father. And a few times she fell down.

Later in life, she is married to a real jerk who gets off on keeping tight control over her by use of beatings (sometimes with belts), emotional abuse, verbal abuse, and sexual abuse. Its opined by her that she married her father. Its opined by others in the book that she married the school bully, Henry Bowers, from whom they spent the summer running away from back in the 50s when they first learned of It's existance. But, really, its just more of the same from King when it comes to this. Women who are main characters, or at least important characters, often have violent husbands in his books.

And here I come to a fork in the road. There are two paths which are important that I want to take, and I don't know which one I want to go down first. But, I will get to both of them. I guess I'll start with the pregnancy issue.

For some reason in this book, and others that I've read from King, he uses the phrase, "catching pregnant," or "caught pregnant," to describe a woman who is...well...pregnant. As if its a cold or a disease that you catch. I find this repulsive. And, I have no idea where this phrase came from. I really don't think that its something he made up himself. I've heard it before, though rarely. I think I heard it in a movie or two before. I don't even remember which one, its just that that phrase is one that sticks with you when you hear it, you know? Its just so bizarre and ridiculous and offensive. I sort of want to write to him and ask him where he got that phrase, why he uses it, and if he is aware of the implications of using it. Its always used as such a cast-away phrasing, as if someone is just commenting on the weather or something. Its just that casual, even in print when its used. But, yet its so glaring.

Excerpt from Part 3, chapter 10, page 494:

"Anyway, Audra said it wuold be just our luck if she caught pregnant while we were in preproduction and she had to do ten weeks of strenuous acting and being morning-sick at the same time."

Pregnancy is not a disease, nor is it a common cold. Nor should pregnancy nor pregnant women be treated as if they have some sort of disease, cold, little tiny alien invader within themselves, or some other illness.

Moving on from this, though, is the last straw that I have to pick with this book that I can think of at the moment when it comes to women. And it contains another spoiler alert. This was something I did not see coming. Character death I foresaw, but THIS was not something I foresaw. Even when it was hinted at ONE time during the book. I just thought, "surely not" and moved on. Well, I was wrong! So, here is another warning.

When they are children in the 50s and they battle It in the sewers then, the first time they ever battle It there, and think they've won. Something very curious happens. Eddie was supposed to be able to lead them back out. He could not, which was odd. He was known for always knowing which way to go, even if he was unfamiliar with the terrain. HE knew how to get them to the lair in the first place. He led them there. Straight there. Now, he had no idea. They were all starting to get upset, anxious, and panicky. Nerves were wearing thin and they were snapping at each other. So, Beverly comes up with a plan to calm everyone down so that Eddie can think straight and get them out of there. What was this plan?

Well, let me say it was ridiculous and I gawked at the page for a while. She decided that, since her father was so obsessed with sex and her keeping her virginity and that his motivation must be that he wanted to keep any and all power out of her hands and sex was power, then she would be rebellious and take that power for herself and have sex. With all six of those boys. YES! All six of them, right then, in the sewer, where they were lost. She got down on her back, took off her pants, in the dark and on the wet floor, and had them all take turns with her, each one at a time. All of the boys seemed embarrassed and a bit unwilling at first, some more unwilling than others. They all needed at least a little bit of encouragement from her to actually get the job done, or even get started in the first place. She seemed a lot less embarrassed than the boys, from what I remember. It was just...odd, because she really lacked any sort of embarrassment at all, even any sort of self-consciousness or second thoughts.

Excerpt from Part 5, chapter 22, page 1036:

She feels powerful: she feels a sense of triumph rise up strongly within her. Is this what her father was afraid of? Well he might be! There was power in this act, all right, a chain-breaking power that was blood-deep. She feels no physical pleasure, but there is a kind of mental ecstasy in it for her. She senses the closeness.

That's where he attempts to make some belated sense of what is going on, I think. But, it falls far short.

It came out of absolute nowhere, and it didn't even belong in the book. It was like he changed everything else before sending it out to his publisher, but forgot to take out that ridiculous part about the sex. It was like it was just slipped in on the off chance a pedophile might want to read the book. These kids were all around 11. Or on the off chance there wasn't enough objectifying of girls as being around solely to be damsels-in-distress until a man is unsure what to do, then she lets him use her like a toilet to calm him down and get him thinking straight again. What the fucking hell is that??

Just thinking about it makes me angry, because there's no rhyme or reason for it that makes any sense! There were definitely sexual undertones and overtones throughout the entire book, but this here just took the cake. And the icing. And the plate it was sitting on. And the table, too! And not in a good way.

There's so much to say about it that I don't even know how to accurately describe it. I think even after a couple of months I'm still in shock over that random placement of weird, sexist, pedophile pandering...

Also, I have to note that the one woman in the book who was billed specifically as a feminist seemed to have a distaste for men in general (which perpetuates the idea that all feminists hate all men or at least can't be bothered to respect men as fellow human beings and equals), but she was also more worried about her face than she was about the life and safety of her best friend when Beverly's husband threatened her if she did not tell him where Beverly had gone. She even states that that was what she was most worried about when she finally gave up the information she had; her face. This also perpetuates the idea that women are too concerned about our appearances to really worry about anything else that is of dire importance. Obviously, this woman's face not getting scarred up was a lot more important than her friend's life and well-being. I really hope that nobody ever entrusts her with important government secrets, because she wouldn't stand up to five seconds of torture. Especially if it included threats to her face.

Excerpt from Part 3, chapter 12, page 599:

Kay went upstairs and took another Valium. She lay down and waited for sleep. Sleep didn't come. I'm sorry, Bev, she thought, looking into the dark, floating on the dope. What he said about my face...I just couldn't stand that.

Yeah, well, at least its some consolation that she was feeling so guilty and disgusted with herself that she couldn't sleep? No. Not really a consolation at all.

Overall this was actually a good book, even though I did have a good deal to complain about. I would still recommend it for reading, but you should be aware that there will be things within it that will have you biting your tongue and not in a funny or cheeky way (although there's that, too). It goes through a lot of issues in the book, despite the problem with the portrayal of women. There's a great look at fat stigma and fat phobia, a look at racism and anti-semitism, anti-gay prejudice, and the objectification of women. But, there will be things that will make you stare at the book in outraged disbelief. It will definitely not be winning King any feminist awards for his portrayal of women and young girls anytime soon.

#book #book review #It

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